Bismarck is tired of life. He says that he takes no interest in anything. His wife is dead, agriculture bores him, and he is weary. Says the Chicago Tribune : "Colonel Watterson is not a prophet of evil, but he sees trouble ahead unless the trusts change their methods. There is—for the trusts." Length in female clerks is required for some reason by the British post office, which proposes to discharge all girls who at nineteen aru not five feet two inches tall. The most unfortunate beingon earth is the man who can sing a little or play the piano a little. He is made unhappy by being constantly asked to parado his lack ot ability, and makes others unhappy by consenting. Dr. Lyman Abbott, who occupies Beeeher's old pulpit in Plymouth Church, Brooklyn, is having trouble with some conservative preachers in his denomination because he said the book of Jonah in the Bible "belonged to sarcastio literature." Canada does not seem to know how to manage her postotfice like tho mother country. The report for the year ending 30th of June, 1896, shows a deficit of §611,587, or about $30,000 le6s than the previous year. The ex penditures for the year reached $3,605,601. The Orange Judd Farmer announces that the value of farm animals in creased $27,000,000 during 1896 and that the turning point has come to the period of long depression in live stock. This journal makes an annual estimate of this sort, and the result of its investigation is very encour aging. Some railway building was done last year in the countries bordering our own on the north and south. Our records show 232 miles of track laid in Canada on ten lines, and 161 miles in Mexico on seven lines, and final re turns will probably increase this Home what; while there is prospect of a con siderably greater addition during the present year. Horatio Hale, who died recently in Canada, is the author of a paper pub lished in Appletons' Popular Scieuce Monthly concerning Indian Wampum Records ; and it is claimed that the use of wampum as money and the record ing of events by means of patterns traced on wampum belts are evidences ot high intelligence on the part of the red man in times gone by. Professor Ludwig Edinger, whose ad dress is twonty.f lartnerweg, Frankfurt ou-the-Main, has issued an appeal to snglers all over the world to send him Iny tith stories, the result of personal observation, that tend to show the possession by fish of memory—that is, of the power to profit by individual sxperienco fcv avoiding or seeking the duplication of conditions which have aad painful or pleasurable effects upon them. There is a general impression that fish do h .76 this faculty in some degree, thougu certain nets of theirs, like seizing a second hook with jaws torn and bleeding from the wonuds just inflicted by a first, would seem to dißprovo. The question is one of im portance to psychologists and physi ologists, for the reason that in the Higher vertebrates the brain cortex is mpposed to be the seat of memory. Sow, no fish have a brain cortex, and if they really can remember anything tnd are L" t mere automata, moved by instinct, tnen the tbeorios in regard to memory in men and unimals may have to be revised. There ore some people foolish enoagh to laugh at the homely virtues of a farm life. They are fortunately few, and they are fortunately growing fewer. But it is well sometimes to look at the list of great men who came up from the farm—not all of them, for that wonld fill a thousand volumes, but some of the most able ones that Hash into mind in a moment. Nearly three-fourths of the men who have been chosen by the people for the great offices of the Nation are men who were early familiar with wooded hills aud cultivated fields, savs the Kansas Oity Times. For example, Lincoln, Qraut, Garfield, Hamlin, Greeley, Tildeu, Harrison, Hayes, Blaine and many others almost equally conspicu ous in current events or living memo ry. journalists, Henry Wat terson spent his early life in rural Kentucky, aud Murat Haletead was born aud lived on a farm iu Ohio. Whittier and Howells spent their youth in villages, the former dividing his time between farm employment and his studies. Follow the list ont yourself and see how long it will be come. HOPE'S PROMISE, Wbiie the life cf a man Moveth smoothly along Aud his walks lie apart From the sorrowing throng. He may coolly decry Faith's "unreasoning prayer'* And assert with acnim, Philosophical air That tho grave is tho sum Of Humanity's gains— The reproach and reward For its pleasures aud pains: But Philosophy flees Frojfi the presence of Woe Liko nn Ally abashed In the face of the foe. 0. parent whoSTS eyes Doatbless longing revealed In that glance ere by Death They were silently scaled; O, babe that has passed To the Presence above, Art thou gone for all time From the presence of love? And thou who wast more Thau all mortals else dear, Art thou lost to the soul That was one with thee here? Ah! 'tis fulse; sophists turn From the lowly that grievo, But the Father sends hope Unto them that believe. And their hearls iutho years Th \y thereafter abide Are tho sweeter because Of Hope's promise inside. —Frank Putnam, in Chicago Times-Herald. HUIA'S BKTKOTHAf, N one of the turret- H rooms of Reitzen- Berg Castle a youug girl, arrayed ' > ' n 14 simple dress V-- ja. v and white apron, .v, 7B 4 sat sewing iudns trionsly. At the /s-gjfwA sound of footsteps ' "k" P ft,,Bei ' 1,1 Ber jiS- work ; at the sight J&f/' / ''' of a hussar officer ***" 9 in uniform she red dened with vexation. Vet there was nothing iu Albrecht von Reitzenberg's appearance to auuoy her; on tho con trary, he was young, very good-look ing, tall, and of diguified bearing. "Will you allow me to come in?" he asked, standing on the threrhhotd. Tho girl took up her work again. "You can come in if you wish?" she said, indifferently. He walked across the room. I have a proposal to make to you, Baroness Irma. Will you give me your atten tion for a little while?" She looked at him indignantly ; she had a sweet oval face and deep gray eyes. "X prefer not to listen to yon, Count Albrecht." "I thought that you would say so !" (there was something like a ring ot triumph in his voice), "but indeed my proposal is very harmless. Let us come to an understanding." There was uncertainty, distrust, in I her eyes. "Yes," continued the young officer, "I know that you have every reason to he offended. You have been most un fairly treated." "I have beeu invited to this house under false pretences. I came because I thought that the visit would give pleasure to Frau von Wolde, who lills, or is supposed to till, the place of my mother. lam sorry to speak disre spectfully of your cousin, but" "Not at all. You are perfectly right, - and my relative Frau Von Wolde is iu the plot, and has beeu from the beginning. I kuow all about it now. My old uncle has just en lightened me. las the heir of Reit zenberg Castle—you will excuse my mentioning my name first?—have re ceived orders to offer my hand and my debts, in marriage, to the Bar oness Irma von lluehow, who, on at taining her majority, will become pos sessed of so large a fortune that she conld free the Reitzenberg estate witli a stroke of her pen. Nay, hear mo ont; this lady was to have been kept in ignorance of the plan, but that her friend and chaperone could not resist the temptation of giving her a hint as to how matters stand, after sho had become the guest of the castle. Is this so?" "Yes." She stood by his side now, and the sunlight just touched the cuils of hor auburn hair. "I have been de ceived, cruelly deceived." "Under the circumstances, nothing remains for me but to givo you the opportunity of expressing your opin ion as to this tyruunouH family com pact even more decidedly thun you have dono already. Baroness Irma of Buobow, will you consent to give me your hand in marriage?" "Count Albrecht of Reitzenberg, 1 thank yon for the Honor which you have shown me. I will not." They stood facing each other, and as Irma looked at her strange wooer she saw a faint smile in his eyes. Her own anger was beginning to evaporate ; he really wa3 behaving well, consider ing that the Reitzenbergs were re nowned for their hasty tempers. "You admit," she said, after a pause, "that I have been awkwardly placed." "I admit that you have been inhos pitably, abominably treated I I blush to think that a member of onr family could have dreamed of such a scheme. In order to show yon how penitent t am, now that I havo received my dis missal, I will immediately leave this house and rid you of my presence." "If you do that, Count Albrecht, 1 shall be worse off than ever. You don't know your cousin, Frau von Wolde. She will insist upon my re maining here tor three months as was arranged, she will reproach me lor your absence, she will argue and make me dislike you more thau ever, it" "If possible?" His L'oocl humor was irresistible; she burst into u merry laugh. For another half hour the rejected suitor remained in conversation with the heiress, and at the end of that time they, too, had a plot. Albrecht was to remain at the castle, ho and the Baroness Irma were to pretend to be on amicable terms, and the two con spirators (the Count and the chaper one) were not to loaru until the last day of thb visit expired that their hopes had failed. "I will endeavor to make your visit as little irksome to you as possible," explained the heir of Reitzenberg; "and we can behave as if there were no enmity between us." • "Yes" (there was still a little doubt in her voice and manner), "1 think that I can trust you." "Come," he said gently, "Baron ess Irrnu, 'ie it a truce between us signed and sealed? ' He took her hand in his, and, bend ing over it, raised her lingers to his lips. The master of the Castle was the first to begin hostilities. One day, toward the end of the three months' visit, Irma came iuto the drawing room to find the whole party awaiting her arrival, and in an instaut she per ceived that something was wrong. Frau von Wolde had been shedding tears, tho old Couut's brow was cloud ed with anger, and Albrecht!—lrma hardly dared to look at him, so changed was his aspect. It was too clear that the termination of the pleasant companionship of the last few weeks was to be war. "My dear Baroness Irma," said tho Count, advancing to meet his young guest with ceremonious politeness, "1 am exceedingly pleased to see you. Your visit hero has given me great satisfaction. You honored this house with your presence, with the full con sent of your guardiau anil my esteemed cousin, Frau von Wolde. 1 had hoped, not without grounds, that the friend ship between you and my heir was gradually ripcuiug iuto a deeper aud more lasting feeling. The alliance is one which must give satisfaction to all interested in our families. Imagine mv distress ou hearing to-day from my nephew that yon have refused his proposal of marriage." Irma looked toward Count Albrecht; something that she rend iu his wrath ful mien made her hesitate us she nu- Hwered: "It is quite true; we are friends, aud nothing more." "It caunot be, my dear young lady, that so youug a maideu should have given away her preference without the conseut or knowledge of her guardian? Answer me candidly: are your affections already engaged? The color surged into lrmu's cheeks and left them pale again. She glanced at Frau von Wolde. There was no help for her there. "This is a ques tion which you have no right to ask, Count Reitzenberg, and which 1 refuse to answer. I must beg you to ex cuse me." "Tho Baroness Buchow is right!" burst in Albrecht. ".She has suffered enough at our hands already. She shall not bo thwurted in her will. If she honors me with her friendship, I accept it gratefully. Listen to me, my uncle, I refused to be a party to your scheme." He rose and held the door wide opeu. There was no smile ou his face now; his eyes were full of trouble as they rested on hers. He did not oiler to take her hand iu farewell. He stood thero in mute distress as she passed by —a fair, girlish ligure iu her white dress, her laces and blue ribbons—and she passed him without a word. The truce between them was over. Tho forest spread its wide wings even as far as the Castle garden. Irma loved tho green path and quiot shades, nud hero she came with her book the morning after her interview with the Count, and protended to read. But, though she kept her eyes on the pages, she read thero only Count Albrecht's partiug words—he accepted her offer of friendship gratefully! Driven to bay, as it were, in order to save her, that was what he had said. During tho last three months she had come to nnderstaud something of his upright ness, his high sense of honor. He would never marry a woman—though sho wero a princess—to whom he could not give his love. "It was my fortune," sighed Irma, "that made him nearly hate me at first." Did he hate her now? Sho shut up her book and wandered still further into the wood, down a hillside covered with fern and moss, toward the stream that ran between high rocks, chattering and foaming on its way. On the further side of the stream was a tract of open country, dotted With clumps of trees and un derwood and bright with heather. The stepping-stones were half covered with water to-day; the current was running fiercer than its wont. She bethought herself of a rustic '.bridge a few yards further down. The bridge hung high in the air, sup ported by rough pine stems ; it was a picturesque but a fragile adair. Half way across Irma put her hand on the rail—how noisy the stream was!—it snaped off at her touch, one wooden plauk tottered under her feet, another fell with a splash into the water be low. Shu hud plenty of courage; she was light and nctiye. She knew, moreover, that she could easily leap that formidable-looking gap and gain the bank. She was about to make the attempt, when Bhe waa stopped by a peremptory shout: "Gently, gently I Jump from that projecting stem; it is safe!" She looked up ; ou the edge of the heather-covered rock stood Albreoht lteit/.enberg. Shu paused uncertain, half inclined to retrace her stops. Perceiving her hesitation, he raised his voice and shouted still louder above the clamor of the rushing water: "Can you hear me, Baroness Irma?' 1 She nodded assent. "Step there—to the left. Do not look baek 1" Involuntarily she obeyed. He hold out his arms, the gulf yawned between them, he could be of no help. "The stem will bear your weight. Do not be in too great a hurry." ("Why does he look so grave?" thought Irma; "is he still atgry?") "I had better return the way I came, Count Albreoht. Do not trouble on my account." "No ;do as I direct you. You see which is the best place to stand? Drop your book, it might be in your way, and jump as far as you can. Now!" One spring, and Irma was safe on the moss and heather, while the plank on which she had thought to stand slipped slowly but surely into the foaming water. Albrecht held her hunds clasped in his. "Thank Heaven that you are safe!" he cried. "Oh! Irma, my Irma, I could not stop you. I came jast too late for that. I could only look on in agony. Are you frightened? Are you hurt?" "1 nm not hurt. I did not know that it was dangerous; I did not, in - doed." She saw him turn palo at the thought of her peril, and the tears which she had not shed for herself fell fast for his distress. "The bridge should have been de stroyed long ago; it shall bo done to day. I did not dare to join you, or to speak till you had passed the worst. If you hail been killed—ah ! 1 cannot bear to think of it—l should never have known another day's happiness and it would have been my fault mine! How could I let you wauder about alono when I was longing to be with you? My Irma, mv best-beloved 1 Thank Heaven that I have you safe at last. Surely we have played at being friends ami enemies long enough? Look at me and say that you love ine 1" When he had made her an oiler of marriage three long mouths ago she had been ready with her refusal. Now, when her whole heart was his, she could tind no words amid her tears except, "I love you 1 I love you!" It was enough for him. "My bride, my wife!" he said, and held her in his arms. The green ferns rustled and whis pered, the beeches tossed their boughs in the sunlight, the red squirrels played in the oak trees, the whole wood was full of life und joy at that moment when the loyers plighted their troth.—Tho Woman at Home. A Frightful Kecortl. The old French convention lnsted three years, one mouth and four days, says the New York Tribune. It had 749 members and passed ;11,210 de crees. Of its 749 members fifty-eight were guillotined—Dnray, June 26, 1793, being the first and Bishop Huguet the last,' October 0, 1796; eight wore assassinated and two shot; fourteen committed suicide; five died of grief; six perished iu abjeot misery ; three died ou the highway, to be eaten by dogs; one, Armonyille, tho last wearer of tho red cap, perished in a drunken fit; four died mad ; two were killed iu the nrmy; one was carried away by the Prussians and never heard of; three died suddenly; one expired in prison; one fell deud of joy on learning that Bonaparte had disem barked at Frejus; 138 perished in exile or in penal settlements, twenty-three were never heard of from the date fof the eighteenth Brumaire; sixty-five vanished after the coronation of Na poleon, and twenty-five died in pov erty and obseurty. Tho convention had sixty-three presiding officers, of whom eighteen were guillotined and eight transported; twenty-two were outlawed and six sentenced to im prisonment for life; four died in madhouses and three committed sui cide. Italy's Deserted Cities. No more romantic places exist than j the deserted cities of Italy. They are to bo found all over the country, but chietiy in the marsh of Ancona and the old grand duchy of Tuscany. In these you may see great marble pal aces, to which a bit of string does duty as a bell-pull; and, if you enter, you will find a corner of some grand saloon, often with a ceiling by an il lustrious artist, screened off for the inhabitant to live in. The inhabitant may be some Italian or English lady, who has the smallest possible inde pendence, und she may get such a pal ace, where some Cardinal or Marcheso formerly lived, for a very few pounds a year. Trapped a Bear in His Cart. William Delong, a Carmel (Penn) butcher, while returning home from a trip to a neighboring town saw a big bear standing in the road ahead of the wagon. The brute ambled to the rear of the wagon, raised himself into it and proceeded to feast on.a ten-pound leg of mutton which was hanging in side. One of the bear's paws acci dentally struck a lever and the doors flew shut. Delong lashed the horses and drove toward Carmel, four miles away. The bear tried to get out and stuck his head through a glass near Delong's face, but could not get out. Reaching Carmel the bear was shot.— New York Press. A Throe-Legged Rooster. Garret Dalton, who lives between Carbondale, Penn., and Honesdale, is tho owner of a three-legged rooster. The third leg is used principally as an instrument of battle, and it hus caused many a game cock to crow its last crow. The bird has another peculiar ity—it will crow only at certain hours of the day—at G o'clock in the morn: ing, at noon and at G o'clock in the evening, Mr. Dalton'a eating hours.— New York Press. GAPES IN pour/my. As a general rule, poultry on the farm are much fretr from disease than poultry which is got under more artificial circumstances. There is one disease which is often more prevalent on the farm than in other places and more especially where the surround ings of a lariu are old and have been long in occupation. The disease is one which is very fatal to youug poultry especially, and no steps should be left untakeu to get rid of it. The gapeworm to which wo refer is rapidly pioked up by chickens and turkeys from the soil, on which tho ova of this parasite has been disposed in a natural way by the older birds. Many poultry keepers ou the farm often wonder at their non-success in increasing their flocks, and we have frequently seen eases where a great loss has been sustained through the dying off of nearly all the whole sea son's production of youug tnrkovs, where these have been raised for many years. AVe have seen orchards and fields, where poultry have been kept for many successive seasons,thorough ly contaminated, and whero it has been impossible to successfully raise poul try. Frequently people do not recog nize the cause of this, though in some eases we have known farmers to be uwaro of it and refuse to take the necessary means to put an eud to it. Where the laud has become l'ouled in this manner, it should be well dressed with lime, and all poultry should be kept from it for two or three years, if ipossible. Not only is infection conveyed by the ova which is taken up from the soil, but it is also eoutracted through drinking water which has become pol luted through the medium of the older fowis and birds. Another precaution to (be taken is the destruction by burning of the heads and necks of the birds which have suffered from this diseaso. There ore several remedies which are used for fowls Buttering from tliis disease, most of them well known to farmers, but the best one of all is that of prevention, which eau be successfully adopted if any moderate amount of care is exercised in the raising of poultry on the farm. GROWING EARLY LAMBS. In a recent letter from Professor Thomas Shaw, of the Minnesota ex periment btatiou fur in, to the Farm, Stock acd Home, he says that where winter lambs are not grown, there is still an open door for the grower of early lambs. Almost auy breed of sbeop properly led and managed will drop lambs us early us February. Now, suppose the grower can obtain his lambs in February, or evet early in March, and il he feeds them well he can put thein on the market in about sixty days, and oan get a better price lor them than later lambs will bring that are kept through tho sum mer. To better illustrate this point I will give a bit of experience with such lambs at our experiment farm. We br.vo some very common grade ewes that were purchased for the reasou that they could be used in pasturing off green crops sown in the summer. As this was practically an untried field it was feared there would be some loss in tbo animals thus pastured. So it was thought better to havo them of the common sorts, since they would serve for grazing as well as tho pure breeds without as great financial haz ard, These ewes wero mated with a Dorset ram ; and let it be noted here that this rum had nothing to do with the early breeding of tho ewes in this instance, as they were not possessed of nny Dorset blood. Tho timo of breeding would buve been tho same with any other ram. They dropped lambs from tho last day ot February until about the 20th day of March. As tho females were wanted for breed ing uses the lambs were not put upon forced ration, nor were their dam 9. The food was such as was deemed suitable for breeding ewes nursing lambs that wero to be retaiued. It consisted of bran and oats, with u little oil-oako added, also bay of a somewhat inferior quality, aud a taste of roots. The ram lambs were sold May r> at seven cents per pound, live weight. Selling them thus early was nu afterthought, or they could have been put upon the market sooner and at a better pricu. They were of an average age of fifty-seven days when sold. The average weight was 41 1-5 pounds, and the overage price reoeived for them was 52.88 per lamb. This, of course, was not a large sum, but the point to be made here is that it is more than the average lamb brings in the autumn, after it bus been kept all summer. If the lambs had been dropped in February and sold about the olosiug days of Maroh or the early days of April they would have brought a much better priee, aud there is no real difficulty in getting iambs thus early after one has been able to select for a year or two. But there's no use in trying to raise early lambs without first having a fairly warm place for the ewos when they drop their lambs. It should not of necessity bo a costly place, for poles and an abundnnce of straw will suffice for material. After the lambs are two or three days old they will amply take aaro of themslves under ordinary con ditions as are considered suitable for old sheep. And there must be plenti ful supplies of good food ou baud, such food inoludes almost any kind of early cut and nicely cured hay, pre ferably clover, wheat bran and oats, with oil oake in the absence of roots. Some corn or barley may also be used with much advantage. Where roots can be fed they are great producers oi milk. And when lambs are sold thus early the ewes may also be sold to much better advantage than when sold in the fall. PATIM AND GARDEN NOTES. A cheaply constructed manure shod would be a most paying investment on many farms. When weeds grow in the field the field is too large or the fanner too lazy. The size of the field and the in dustry of the lr.ruier should corre spond. If yon must double crop the orchard don't sow oats, but plant somo hoed crop; put on more manure that the crop will consume and give thorough tillage. Superfluous branohes on the trees are like weeds in the cornfield—a use less drain upon the resources of tree and soil and an iujury to the crop. Cut the rascals out. For best results in wool, as woll as in other respects, the sheep must be kept on tho upgrade. A check in growth always injures the fleece. As spring approaches watch tho lambs oloselv ; they must produce growth ol both fleece and carcass—a double de maud—und should nave extra feed and attention. It does not pay to work with dull or otherwise inefficient tools. Bad plows, broken hnrness, poor teams and un successful farmers aro usually found together on the poorest farms. The disease of inefficiency is contagions and is sure to spread from one to an other until every factor of tho farm problem is down with it. Grass is king of all the products of the field ; it nourishes more of God's creatures than nil other products com bined. In clothing the earth with a carpet of grass the Almighty knew what He was about. But vain man thinks he knows beet, und labors to destroy grass enough to support two oxen that he may grow corn enough to feed a calf. The trouble with people who aro supplying fresh eggs is that thoy be come careless, and if they find u nest full of eggs that look clean, they will turn thorn in whether they know their age or not. That is no way to keep a trade for fresh eggs. Neither will dirty eggs help a fresh egg trade. In fact, dirty eggs sell for less than clean ones on the general market. If a wagon for eaoh of the riggings is not at hand there should be some convenient method provided to lift the boxes and racks on and otf the wagon. A frame for tho box, hay rack, wood rock, etc., built as high as the hind wheels of the wagon, upon which to keep them, will be better than lifting them off the ground. Con trivances for lifting are sometimes expensive. If you allow a draught of air to flow over your fowls at night, the proba bility will be that you will find their heads and eyes swollen in the morn ing. The first thing to (lo is to remove the cause by stopping up the cracks of the ventilator hole at the top of the poultry house. The best rouiedy is to anoint tho head and eyes with a few drops of a mixture of oue part of spirits turpeutiue and four parts sweet oil. Chestnuts give oarlv and rogular re turns, with little or no cost for caro or culture, with a certainty of finding a ready market. They are a concen trated product, thus lessening the per centage of freight deduction, and are not perishable, like pears, strawberries aud milk, which necessitate expedi tions and expensive shipping and prompt sale. Competition is scanty, but pioneers report sash profit as to soon insure increased numbers. The Oldest Book. Tho oldest book iu tho wor'd. to which a positive date can be assigned, is au assortment of proverbs somewhat after tho style of the proverbs col lected by Solomon. The work is ac credited to Ptah-hotep, an Egyptian King, and Egyptologists assign to it au aatiquity ot at least 3000 years B. C. Abraham was called to leave his home in Ur of the Chaldees, 1921 B. C., so that this volume was written 1100 years before tho beginning of Hebrew history. The deluge is placed by most chronologists at B. C. 2348, BO the book, if its datiug is correct, must havo been written before the flood, Methuselah wa9 born B. C. 3317, so that this papyrus was pre pared and these proverbs were col lected wheu the oldest man on record was u lively voung fellow of about 300 years.—St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Stanton Has Doubtful. Perhapß the most brilliant achieve ment of Frank Thomson, the new President of tho Pennsylvania Rail road, was the construction of new lines ot ruilway and the reconstruc tion of abandoned ones in Virginia. He was then only twenty, and it is related that Secretary Stanton, on taking his advice, said to Colonel Soott: "Is it possible that we have waited for three days to get theopiuion of that red-headed stripling?" The "stripling" is now at the head of the greatest railroad system in the world, THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE, STORIES THAT ARE TOED BY THB FUNiIY MEN OP THE PRESS. Sentiment and Frugality—That's All —A Domestic Use A Bright Groom—Proof Positive. Etc., Etc, Each day his roses as surprises Come. If he knew, the stupid thing, That in two months at present prices He'd save enough to buy a ring! —Ltfa THAT'S ALL. "He's a poet, isn't he?" "Oh, no. Ho merely writes verses for a valeptine publisher."—Life. PINE CHOICE OP WORDS. Editor—"l see you have written an article on the boarding-house." Assistant—"Yes, sir." Editor—"Re-hash, isn't it?"- - Truth. JEST THE TROUBLE. "Yes, I've been hunting for him all day. He seems very much engaged, lately." "He is; and both gii;ls have found it out."—Fuck. AUDIENCE SUPPLIED TnE E3G3. Tho Villain—"We made a bad mis take last night. In the barnyard scene we forgot the eggs." Tho Comedian—"Yes, bat tho audi ence didn't." ENOUGH. She (at tho masquerade ball) "Do you think-my costume becoming?" He (withenthusiasm) —"Yes,indeed; but you would be lovely in uny dis guise."—Harper's Bazar. A DOMESTIC USE. "It is certainly wonderful how much science can do for us." "Yes; Mrs. Frontrow has learned to hypnotize her baby, and she didn't miss a club meeting the wholo week." —Cleveland Record. ENTANGLED. "Husband, I think Mr. Woozlo is very much in love with our Clara." "Has he proposed to her ? ' "No, but he stole lier photograph taken at three weeks—out of the family album."—Chicago Record. GROUND FOR THE ACCUSATION. Fapa—"l ought to havo that young fellow arrested for trying to get money out of me on false pretences." Mamma—"Why, he's coming here three or four times a week pretending bo's in love with Maud."—Puek. END OP THE HONEYMOON. She—"l'm sure you love me no longer. Now do not deny it. I can see tho change in you. I'm no fool. Ifou should have married somebody itupider." He—"l couldn't find ODJ." —Judy. NOT BUNCOED, ANYWAY. "Certainly," rojoined the Circassian girl, "we aro sold wheu we are mar ried, and it doesn't take 119 six mouths or a year to fiud it out, cither." And the beautiful barbarian glowered back at her sister of civilized estate.— Detroit Journal. A BRIGHT GROOM. New Irish Groom (to feed store) "Sind mo up two bags of oats and a bale of straw." Voice from feed storo—"All right. Who for, Bir?" Groom—"The horse, yo blamed fool, ye."—Punch. PRECISE. Counsel—"Well, after tho witness gavo you a blow, what happened?" Prisoner—"He gavo me a third one." Counsel—"You mean a second one." Prisoner—"No, sir ; I landed him the second one."—Fun. ILLEGAL. The Court—"What is your age, madam?" The Plaintiff—"Must I answer?" The Court—"You must." The plaintiff—"Why, Judge, I thought people didn't have to testify against themselves."—Tho Green Bag. PROOF POSITIVE. Realty Agent (exhibiting flat, beam ingly)—"To provo to you that the walls are perfectly sound-proof I havo just ruu over into the next flat and told the gentleman there to play the piano." Mr. Flatleigh (wearily)—" Yes; my wife and I heard you telling him to play very softly."—Puck. HE CUT NO ICE. "I can get you a job at cutting ice if you want it," said the member of the Association for extending Assistance to the Worthy Poor. "I'm much obliged," eaid Perry Patetic, "but seein' as how I don't ont no ice socially, I guess I might jist as well keep it up along other lines and not bast me reputation."—Cincinnati Enquirer. Medicinal Spring iu Indiana. The water of a spring near Rich mond, lud., is said to have rare medi cinal properties, and tho black muu fonnd about the spring is alleged to have caused many wonderful cures during the past few months. Mr. Reed, the owner of the spring, makes no charge whatever lor the water 01 mud, and hundreds of gallons are taken away each month by citizens oi Richmond, There are a number of prominent people who attributo thoir complete care of rheumatism to the use of this remarkable witer, and to the application of the mud upon the afflicted parts.—Chicago Chronicle.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers