Three times as many herrincs nra consumed as any other kind of tish. There were but twenty-eight foreign ers naturalized in Mexico the last fiscal year. The people of the United Staten use on an average 12,000,000 postage stamps of all kinds each and every day of the year, or a total of 1,380,000,000 per annum. A ranchman, who lives on the Will amette River, below Holbrook Station, Oregon, has solemnly declared that the caip in the river are destroying his meadows by eating the grass and grubbing up the roots. Postmaster-General Wilson has is sued an order forbidding railroad offi cials or employes from carrying or de livering letters on which Government stamps have not been affixed. Ho claims that by this practice the Gov uient lores 8250,001) annually. Electrio lighting is to be applied to art in Brussels. On the Anspach Me morial St. Michael is represented on horseback slaying the dragoon. The sword will bo made to blaze like a sword of fire, lights will be put in the saint's eyes and in the insides of the dragoon. Tlio law against undignified compe tition in trade Las cleared the win dows of Berlin shopkeepers of the once familiar placards which told of selling off stock below cost, of dam aged goods' sales, etc., which, if they were untrue, laid those displaying them liable to punishment under the taw. About a year ago a Wichita (Kan.) man was a juryman at the trial of a man accused of counterfeiting. The implements of the counterfeiter were in evidence and the juror examined them closely. After the trial was over he went home and made somo coun terfeiting tools himself. He was caught, was recently tried and is now in prison. For a long time past it has been a cause of private complaint where it was not hailed with delight—that dancing was going out of fashion in London. The assertion is now of- Bcially confirmed by the fact that the British Association of Teachers of Dancing called a special conference to consider how best to rescue the busi ness from the total collapse which threatens it. M. de Mahy recently brought for ward in the French Chamber of Dep. uties a proposition to the effect that only Frenchmen should be eligible to office in the French colonies. He showed that the Tamatave Municipal Committee, formed since the war in Madagascar, was composed of three Englishmen, one American, one Prus sian and only three Frenchmen. The Chamber took no action in the matter. The demand for the short sermon is oot quite so universal, says an English paper, as some superficial people imagine. The people of a village in Cornwall recently presented a petition in favor of long sermons. Evidently they wanted to lie well fed, comments the New York Observer, and recog nized the fact that whilea few minutes inpy do for lunch the larger fraction of an hour is required for u good spiritual dinner. How many bunches, big bunches, of bananas do you think wero impoited into this country last year? asks the Newlork Herald. Make your figures tremendous, then double it, theu mul tiply by four. Well, you are all wrong in your guess, aud it isn't half large enough, so I may as well say at once 'hut the number of bunches was very clo-e upon eighteen millions—that is, one bunch for every five people in this country, including bummers,pick p( i .;ct-, children and clergymen. Wo ure evidently a iruit consuming peo b*e. 1' tween 1880 and 1890 the number of larms in the United States increased from 4,008,9 >7 to J,564,611, a gain of over 5-.j0,000. In the same period the number of farm mortgages increased from 370,984 to 525,094, n gain of only about 15 >,00., less than one third of the gain in the number of farms. Between 1880 and 1890 the value of funning realty increased from 810,197,090,770 to 813,279,252,(349, a gain of over 53,000,000,000. In tho samo interval the amount of farm mortgages increase! from 3342,566, 477 to $585,729,719, an advauce of only about $240,000,000, or consider ably less than a tenth of the increase in tho valuo of farming realty. At the same time tho value of the imple ments and machinery on farms in creased nearly $90,000,000, and the value of live stock over $700,000,000. FOE LITTLE FOLKS. * COLUMN OF PARTICULAR IN TEREST TO THEM. Something that Will Interest the Ju venile Members of Every ilounehold —yuuint Actions and Bright Sayings of Many Cute and Cunning Children* A PnthetJc Ailment. Mrs. Q. had a severe headache, and icr complaints made Mr. Q. a trifle TOSS, and by and by he said something .vhk-h made Mrs. Q. cry. Whereupon ler little loy also burst into tears. "Dear me!" said his father. "Now .vhat may he the matter yith you?'" "I've got a headache—in mamma's lead!" said the child. A Doctor's Explanation. Dr. J.'s little boy. four years old, had lever seen a funeral procession, for iiey are of rare occurrence in the quiet <ide streets where the doctor lives. Lately, however, one of the doctor's •atients died, aud there was a burial rom the street. As the procession moved along the ittlo boy came running to his father, ind pointing to the hearse, asked: "<). papa, what is that?" "That, my child," said the doctor, with a deep sigh, "Is an erroneous diag nosis!" She Saved the Pie. Bessie announced one day recently at luncheon: "We wouldn't have had any Kidding to-duy if it hadn't been for ne." The rest of the family ail looked ip at her, considerably surprised, tor Bessie is only live years old, and they .new she could not have made the des sert. "I saw it on the table," she went >u, "and I might have let in the cat, you know. Then Whiskers might have Jumped on a chair and eaten it, and then we wouldn't have had any pud ling. But I didn't do it."—New York Times. Waiting for the Bird. A small boy who had a great dislike for school returned home for dinner i little earlier than usual. "Tommy, you naughty boy, you have been playing truant," said his mother; 'a little dicky bird came in at the win low and told me so." The next morning Tommy set out for •school as usual. During the morning Ills mother heard a noise from the far ■ml of the kitchen, and, looking round there, saw Tommy crouched under the table. "Tommy, you rascal, what are you* doing there?" Seeing that he was discovered he •rawled out, and, holding up a brick which lie had by him, said: "1 wai waitin' to croak that dicky bird." Bantic. Bant fa was a tiny little black dot of i bantam hen, and Bertie was a tiny rosy-cheeked dot of a boy. Bantie belonged to Bertie, and she was so sure of a few crumbs whenever he came to the door that she would leave Speckle and Brownie and all the rest of her companions, even to old Buff, the huge Cochin, whenever Ber tie's little white head appeared at the door. One day, the last of April, Bertie came into the house crying bitterly. "Bantle's gone," he sobbed, "an' won't never come back no more!" We cheered him up by telling hiiu that he would surely see her again, and sure enough, in about three weeks Ber tie rushed into the house as fast as his two little feet would carry him, shout ing, "Bantie's conic, Bantic's come, an' brought ton little black bun ties with her!" Fun for the Pro r easor. The late Prof. W. 11. Harrison, who for many years was at the head of a popular boys' school in Amelia County, Virginia, was much loved and respect ed by his many pupils, and had si rar6 faculty for managing them. "He was n't forever nagging us, but, as some of us learned by experience, he let the punishment lit the crime." So said one >f ills former pupils, now a prominent lawyer in Richmond; and then he re lated the following story: The professor was accustomed to take a drive every sunny afternoon in a heavy, old-rashioned coach drawn by i largo gray horse. One day, shortly after he hud returned from his drive, half a dozen of the boys espied the coach standing in the driveway, where it hud been left temporarily, and were seised with the idea that it would be great sport to secrete it. Chuckling softly among themselves, they stub- near to make sure that the colored driver was busied with the horses inside the stable. Then they took hold of the thrills, three oil one side and throe on the other, and drew tiie coach out of the grounds and down a long hill into a pine grove. "Won't the 'Old Coat' be puzzled to know where his conch IsV" said one fel low. with a laugh, in which the others Joined. "Old Oont"' was a term of affection ate familiarity which the boys applied i the proiv.-sor behind his back, and which really savored nothing of disre spect. The roguish youths indulged in jokes and merriment as they tugged the coach into a position out of which it would bo difficult to remove it. This they had just accomplished when, to their consternation, Professor Harri son put his head out of the coach win dow. his eyes twinkling, and said, in his dignified, slow way: "Well, toys, you've had the fun of hauling me down here, and now I must request you to haul me back again." Smiles fled, faces grew long, and tin boys stood aghast. "All—right—sir," stammered one. The professor settled back on t>* cushions, resumed the book which he had been quietly reading when the "fun" began, and the boys proceeded to drag the coaeli back to the grounds. How they worked! The hill was never before half so long nor half so steep, but after almost an hour of puf fing and perspiration the Job was done. Then Professor Harrison opened the coach door, and descending, said, with marked courtesy: "I thank you for my ride; I hope you have enjoyed it us much as I have." "Yes, sir," answered ono of tho boys, who know not wliut else to suy, and felt that some answer was called for. There the matter ended, so far as tho professor was concerned, for he never alluded to it again. The culprits on their part resolved never to mention It, but it was too good a story to keep. THE NATURE OF DYNAMITE. The Critninnla' Most Dangerous XVcupon Against Society, Dynamite is the most deadly weapon of modern criminals against society. It is a combination of nitro-glycerine with a plastic kind of clay. In appear ance it somewhat resembles putty, and is made up into cartridges, each weigh ing about two ounces. The manufac ture of dynamite is attended with some risk, but when once made, if the ingre dients are pure, it is comparatively harmless so long as it is kept apart from tile materials which are used to explode it. It is commonly supposed that the transportation of dynamite is very dan gerous. but it is far less so than gun powder. A wooden packing-case tilled with the explosive lias been set on lire, the only result being a buret of dynamite flame. Boxes tilled with dynamite have been thrown from great heights, and cans loaded with dynamite have been smash ed in railroad collisions without an ex plosion. Commonly, the destructive proper ties of dynamite are brought into play only by means of a detonating cart ridge. In blasting rooks with dynamite the dynamite cartridges are first press ed into a hole, and over them is inserted another kind of cartridge, called the primer. This cartridge contains a "detona tor," which is a copper cap an inch long, holding a small charge of fulmin ate powder. To this primer is attached a fuse, and when the fuse burns down to the fulminate In the detonator it explodes; and tills, in turn, fires the dynamite and shatters the rock. If the detonator is set with more than three-fourths of its length in the dyna mite, the fuse may set fire to the latter and burn it away harmlessly before tin* fulminate is reached and exploded. This accounts for many unsuccessful at tempts to blow up buildings. Making Sailing Ships Go Faster. The statement of an Italian sea cap tain that he had proved by experience that a ship goes faster when her sails are perforated with a number of holes than when they are quite sound, was at first looked upon as too ridiculous for consideration. Unbelievers, how ever, now find that the Italian has gone a long way toward proving his case. Ills theory is that the force of the wind cannot fairly take effect on an inflated sail, because of the cushion of immov able air that fills up the hollow. To prevent this cushion collecting he bored a number of holes in the sail, which let part of the wind blow right through it and allowed the remainder to strike against the canvas and exercise its full effect. Several trials have been made, and it looks as if this is another of those paradoxical truths which appear so im possible on the surface. The experi ments were made in all weathers. In a light wind a boat with ordinary sails made four knots, while with the per forated sails she covered live and a quarter knots; in a fresh breeze she did seven knots with ordinary sails, and eight and three-quarters knots with the improved sails; in a strong wind she did eight knots and ten knots re spectively. If tills augmented speed were sustained throughout a long voy age it would increase the value of the siiip one-fifth, as she would make the same trip in four weeks that she did before in five weeks. Feminine, Fancies in Gloves. For walking traveling and general outing wear, four hook or button gloves ate correct in glace or pique kid, the latter being heavier than the usual dressed kid. These are in tan, brown and gray shades. Chamois gloves in white are very stylish for wear with cotton or pique costumes, and as they wash and clean easily are not expen sive. Black gloves are well favored in I'atis with light toilettes trimmed in black, but here they are chiefly notic ed with mourning gowns, or with even ing gowns of black and some brilliant contrast. White and ficelle, very pale straw, snede are the fashionable even ing colors for full dress, with pearl gray. lavender and pale tan following. White glace and suede gloves in four hooks or buttons, plain or stitched on tile I ack with bhick. are worn for vis iting, concerts, driving, etc. There is much favor shown to such gloves in white glace or dressed kid with hook fastenings. After white the tan and I)row 11 shades are favored.—Ladies' Home Journal. Look on the I right of Things. Worry adds years to a woman's life, and worrying is a habit which should lie guarded against by anyone who has a natural tendency to it. It is often noticed that people who worry much have really no reason for it. but they fret themselves about the merest trifles, and even tind topics to worry when there is apparently only cause for rejoicing. Everyone, especially the young, should cultivate looking on the bright side of things, for if this is done it is wonderful how different even reai troubles seem. After all, eve *y cloud I has a silver lining, hasn't it? PLAYING THE PIANO. NEW AND INTERESTING THEORY IS ADVANCED. Prominent Instructor Soys the Study of Anatomy, Physiology and Knowl edge of Acoustics Is Ncccssury for a Thorough Mustcry of the Piunofortc. Hints to Pianists. 11. A. Kelso, of Ilandel Ilall, Chicago, presents a new theory of piano playing based upon principles of anatomy, physi ology, acoustics and psychology, and in an exhaustive article which he has pub lished on the subject undertakes to show how piano playing may be reduced to a scientific basis, lie advises the study of anatomy, that the teacher may learn to develop a good "piano hand" of physi ology that we may learn the fundamental causes which operate in velocity playing. \\ e learn, he says, to avoid and success fully treat weeping sinews and musi cian's cramp. By the understanding und application of the laws governing muscle innervation we learn to control und hus band the poteut force termed nervous energy. Misdirected nerve energy causes physical disease and disorders nature's internal arrangements; sickness is the re sult. Misdirected nerve energy makes sickly piano players and unhealthy music is the result. Fx tracts from his article follow: Better modes of developing the power of memorizing and of preserving untouch ed the pupil's individuality, are the re sult of psychological study. That we should study acoustics "goes without say ing," as we cannot know too much of MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLAY ING, NO. 1. sound. Pedal management, tonal color ing and the science of harmony are all better understood through a knowledge of the properties of acoustics. A knowledge or the anatomy of the hand, wrist, fore and upper arm gives the student greater facility in individual muscular control. In consequence of the control thus gain ed, the whole arm becomes more expres sive. A crisply-leggiero effect can best be produced by energizing the muscles of the upper arm and those of the fingers, while relaxing the wrist muscles. This is a very important point, and is simply the application of the mechanical prin ciple of the resistance beiug equal to the force of the blow. The outer side of the hand is naturally weaker than the inner side, yet it is just as essential a factor in playing. The melody and fundamental bass notes are most frequently played with the weakest fingers; hence the necessity of building up the outer region of the hand. A de velopment of the pronutor muscles in the forearm renders possible a good position of the hand for playing octaves, arpeg gios, scales, chords and trills with the fourth and fifth fingers. Rolling octave playing is dependent upon a separated control of the supinator and pronator muscles from those of the fingers. Speed requires the shortening of the latent pe riod of the muscle, and this can he accom plished' only by taking up the slack of the tendons. The principal muscle concern ed in producing a crisply stuccato effect with finger action is the extensor, as upon this muscle depends the brevity of tone. By elevating the wrist, curving the second finger, and depressing it at the knuckle joint, the finger is in the best possible po sition for producing the effect. The physiology of velocity playing is o subject of great interest to the practical piano teacher. In some persons rapidity of movement is natural, the muscular tis sue is very irritable and exercises of speed do not demand great effort. In others tnc muscles, although energetic, obey the orders of the will with considerable slow ness. A great expenditure of nervous energy is necessary to obtain a rapid movement. Illustrations of these differ ences may be noticed in the gymnasium, in fencing, boxing, rowing, walking, and in piano playing. Bfiuger is authority for the statement that when a nerve is stim ulated by action of the will or otherwise, the stimulus received by the nerve in creases in intensity us it reaches the mus cle. The three attributes of tone are force, pitch and quality. Force is dependent upon the amplitude of the vibrations. Fitch is dependent upon the vibrational number —the greater the number the high er the pitch. From these facts we de duct principles of study which are prac ticable to an intelligent student of piano playing. The overtones of tones sounded in the upper registers are of such great vibrational number that the ear fails to establish a definite pitch for them. Then, again, the waves of such tones are so short that they vanish almost immediate ly after sounding; therefore the pedal, which permits Iho tone to be re-enforced, MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLAY ING, NO. 2. may bo used more freely in the upper register than in the middle or lower. One tone sustained by the pedal in the middle is equal in intensity to about four in the upper register. It is possible by a deli cate manipulation of the pedal to oblit erate the discordant harmonies in the upper, without losing an organ point in the lower register, which sometimes of necessity must be sustained by the pedal. A point which is of equal importance with the manner of striking is that of the manner of leaving the keys, for upon this hinges the entire system of legato octave playing. Wide skips, such as a bass note and its chord, and broad intervals either in the accompaniment or melody,' may be made to sound legato v.'ithout the tiie ol the pedal, by releasing the finger from the key slowly, thus damping the tone grad ually. Many beautiful effects may be produced by this use of the pedal. All movements of the body are either natural, habitual or hereditary. In cer tain states of consciousness we bring into play certain muscles just as naturally as water seeks its lowest level. It is for this reason that a pupil is sometimes taught to play a passage with widely differing movements of the hand and arm by dif ferent teachers. Thus it not infrequently happens that an instructor scatters broadcast over the land, through his pu pils, peculiar mannerisms which he in herited from his ancestors. It may readily be seen that this is radically wrong, and that such would not be the case were all teaching based on philosophic principles. In playing the piano habits will neces sarily be formed, and movements based on the natural laws of expression of the body are more easily acquired, und, when acquired, enable us to express musicul thoughts more clearly and more forcibly than habits formed at hnp-hazard. Tech nic, as applied to piano playing, is the power to express musical thoughts. This involves not only the ability to play the proper notes with correct lingers, but re quires such control of the muscles and nerves that all gradations of tonal color ing may be expressed. Piano playiug has been compared to an electric current —the musical thought emanates from the brain, passes through the nerves which move the muscles to be used, the finger strikes the key, the hammer strikes a wire, which in its turn produces a tone, the eur con veys the tone back to the brain, thus completing the circuit. Weak or slug gish muscles, therefore, not readily yield ing themselves to the nervous stimulus flowing from the brain, will break the cir cuit. and the musical phrase will fall short of the idea] conception. In piano playing the purely mental in tellectual phrase tiuds its expression in the circumscribed movements of the fin gers and hand, using the knuckles or wrist as the center of motion. Passages from Bach's "Fugues and Inventions" admira bly illustrate this statement, aii emo tional phrase demands more freedom of movement, which the firmness of the el bow—the emotional center —and length of the forearm readily supply. Climaxes and passionate outbursts of musical feel ing demand the added strength and wider swing through space of the entire arm from the vital center of the shoulder. From n technical standpoint I classify all music under five general heads—oc taves, chords, arpeggios, scales and em bellishments—and these are again subdi vided. Octaves are of five varieties, namely, legato, staccato, broken, inter locking and deceptive. Chords are either broken or solid. In order to play an ar peggio properly it must be taught in ten or twelve different ways, and the pupil will then understand how to correctly practice all arpeggios. I usually teach the principles of arpeggios before 'at tempting scales, as the movements of the arm, wrist and fingers are very much the same in both, and are more easily compre hended in the former than in the latter. Under the head of embellishments I in clude all varieties of trills, mordents and appogiaturas. I consider the wrist the distributing center for the energy of the upper and forearm. It is impossible for the nerv ous stimulus from the brain to be properly conducted to the finger tips when the many tendons that pass through the wrist are tense. Almost every pupil beginning the study of the piuno has some uncon MOVEMENT IN STACCATO OCTAVE PLAY ING, NO. 8. scions mannerism or trick peculiar to him self of using the agents of expression. Before eradicating these bad habits and building up those which are correct, a certain condition of passivity or relaxa tion must be achieved, just as the pot ters' clay must be rendered soft and plas tic before it can be modeled into the de sired forms. I find for this purpose the Delsartean exercises known as relaxing or devitalizing of inestimable value to the beginner and advanced student alike. We can utter so many words with one breath, and when that is exhausted we must draw upon the reservoir—the air— for another supply. We can play a rapid succession of notes with a given sup ply of nerve energy, and when that is ex hausted we must draw upon the reservoir —the brain—for another supply. This necessity of our physical nature is the basis of rhythm, and' if the regularly re curring inclination to build up the waste is unheeded, health and strength will be impaired. Do not wait until a sensation of weariness is felt before renewing the energy, as we should no more play with exhausted strength than speak with ex hausted breath. While conscious technic kills expression, the very core of the true system of tech nical expression is embodied in Hamlet's advice to the players, "Suit the action to the word," which, freely adapted, may be made to read, "Suit the technical inter pretation to the musical thought." Copyrighted. Corner in Huckleberries. The huckleberry industry about An denried lias come to a sudden stop through tin? appearance of two bears on the mountains. A week ago a trav eler exhibited two performing bears on the street and while doing so the ani mals engaged in a bout not on the bills. In the scrimmage the trainer was used up badly and one of the muzzles torn from a bear. Finding themselves at liberty, the bears trotted elf and reach ed the mountains safely. The black berry season having just opened, hun dreds of boys and girls who pick the berries have since been kept out id' the woods through fear. The mines being idle, the villagers one day turned out to scour the woods for berries and bears. A party of women came upon them un expectedly, and their screams soon alarmed scores of others, resulting in a stampede. The bears are now boss of the situation and berry-picking In that I vicinity Ls at a standstill.—Pittsburg I Dispatch. IVISE WOBDS, Calamity is a man's true touch- j stone. It is a waste of time to watch a hypocrite. No man should so act as to take ad vantage of another's folly. It becomes one, while exempt from woes, to look to the dangers. The only justification for debt is tho immediate prospect of profit. It is often a good thing that men do not practice what they preach. When one is low enough to insult you, be too high for him to reach. O, friend, as long as I study and praotice humility, I know where I am. Every one knows that these hard, olose-fisted times will not last forever. Moderation is the silken string run ning through the pearl chain of all virtues. Biography is the most universally pleasant, universally profitable of all reading. Two persons will not be friends long if they cannot forgive each other's little failings. If we knew what our enemies have suffered, our enmity would often die a sudden death. What's in a name? That which we :all a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet. A woman rarely designs to open her husband's letters unless they are marked private. Manage all your actions and thoughts in such a manner as if you were just going out of the world. A man intimately acquainted with the nature of things has seldom occa sion to be astonished.—The South- West. It Happened Beiore lie Came. A small youth out iu Kenwood has aome to think his nutive State does not amount to much. Some time last year his family removed from St. Joseph, Mo., to Chioago, and took up residence within the fashionable dis trict of Kenwood. Tho younger son of the family is a lad about nine years old, and a few days ago the whole Sabbath-Bohool wnich this youth at tends was being questioned by the Superintendent upon the lesson of the day. This little fellow has an un usually bright and interesting face, and as his class was seated directly iu front of the Superintendent he was naturally attracted to him. The les son was of Moses and how the Red Sea had separated and permitted him to lead his hosts through the divided waters to safety. When the Superintendent had finished relating the story he con cluded to see how much his youthful listeners had taken in. "Who was it, children," he ques tioned, "that led the Israelites inio the promised land ?" With the usual timidity of ohildren about "speaking out in meeting" none of them replied. The boys looked at each other and giggled, but none of fered any response. "Now, I know you all know his name," said the Superintendent in patronizing tones. "Just think a moment and tell me. Won't some of you? Let this little man tell me," he said, pointing at the recent comer from the South. "I doh't know, sir; I don't live here. I only came up from Missouri the other day," was the frightened re ply.—Chicago Chronicle. Value of u Musical Eur. In the management of rapidly mov ing machinery a musical ear, which quickly detects variation of pitch, and, therefore, of speed—for the pitch depends on the speed—is of consider able use, says the Chicago Chroniole. A farmer with a good ear can deteot at once if the thrashing machine is im properly "fed," for its speed increases and the sound it emits is of higher pitch than when an insufficient amount of grain is supplied, and in tho same way the electrician can tell if an eleo tric motor is ruuuing at its due speed. With a musical earths physiciun more readily interprets the sounds elicited by peroussing the chest, and the pot ter more easily separates tho sound from the unsound. It is a moot point whether the musi cal are naturally the better readers and speakers, but there is no doubt that they improve quiolily when taught elocution, for they can appre ciate the pitch of their own voices and so correct their errors. A good ear includes an acute appreciation of time or rhythm. Carelessness of Life in Africa. Mpimbi is the beginning of the nav igable water used by the administra tion at Fort Johnson. The river is full of crocodiles; people are constant ly being taken by them. Hoare shot a big crocodile, and found a pair of bracelets in its stomach. The natives foolishly risk the water every day. They walk in knee-deep to get water, and even swim across the streams. By mnking a small fence about the place where they get water many lives would bp saved ; but that means work, and each African thinks he will not be a victim. —Century. Natural Incubator*. C. 11. Jenkins tells a story and vouches for the truthfulness of it about natural incubators in Arizona. He had a hen setting on a nest of eggs under a building. When part of tho oggs had hatched the duty became too warm for tho hen and she loft the nest with the chicks already out. She did not return to tho nest. But three or four days later several more chicks broke their shells and came forth into the,world, perhaps surprised to find no motherly cluck wailing them. That was in Arizona, It could not happen in California.—Chino Valley (Cal.) Champion. j THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THB FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. A Lover's Tale—A Spell-Binder—His Views—A Sad Case—Protection From Harm, Etc., Etc. She heard my suit. And then in coyness blushed. And In a whisper hushed, | Acknowledged that my passion grand Had caused her dear heart to expand, And bid me ask her father fur her haud. Away I went. He heard my suit, And then in fury tore About the room, and swore That my presumption wns immense/ Though backed by little common sense, An bid me, ere he threw me out, go hence. I went —l'hiladephin North American. His VIEWS. She —"Young Spilkins appears tc be a man of extensive views." He—"Yes, to be sure. He's a kodak fiend." A SPELL - BINDER. "People seem to pay a great deal ol attention to Pilker's opinions on poli tics." "Yes; he hac such a deep, basi voice."—Chicago F.ecord. PROOP AGAINST TEMPTATION. Mrs. Brown—"Mrs. Smith is a wo man of remarkable strength of mind." Mrs. Jones—"ls she?" "Yeß. She never buys anything she doesn't want."—Life. NOT IMPOSSIBLE. Jones—"Think an absolutely truth fnl man can be a successful diploma tist'" Smith—"Oh, yes—in the absence oi international complications!" THE KEWABD OP EXPEBIENCE. Yonng Lawyer—"Why do you take that caee when there's nothing in it?" Old Lawyer—"Nothing in it? Blunt paid me a big retainer and I'm charg ing him ssl) a day during the trial." PBOTEOTfON PROM HARM. "Weren't you awfully frightened, Gladys, when the cyclone struck so near 1" "Oh, no, dear ; George had his arm around me the whole time."—Detroit Free Press. A SAD CASE. Little Mendicant—"Please, sir, giv me a nickel." Benevolent Clergyman—"Have you no parents?" Little Mendicant—'No, sir; I am an orphan by birth."—Texas Sifter. ONE LONG HONEYMOON. She—"lt seems rather hard, dear, that you can't afford to take me on a wedding trip." "But, darling, you wilt never know the difference. In the little flat I liuve engaged it will be just like living in a Pullman car." —Life. ONE ON THE OLD MAN. Mr. Ohaffie—"Johnnie, your mother complains that you are disobedient. That's got to stop. You must obey your mother." Johnnie—"Not mnch. It's you who have to obey her. It isn't me that's married to her."—Texas Sifter. DECLINED. "For your birthday, Johnnie, I'll make you a present of the licking you have earned by your bad conduct dur ing the past week." "Well, pa, if I have earned that licking it belongs to me, anyhow. There is not much of a present about that." —Texas Sifter. PROBABLY.^ Jones (just introduced) —"I suppose you don't remember me, but I was once a witness against your side in a certain trial, and I remember that you cross-examined ne with the greatest courtesy." The Lawyer—"ls that so? Perhaps your testimony was not material."— Puok. NOT A CASE OP "BOOM FOP. ONE MORE." Aunt Prue—"lf you tell lies, Dicky, you will go to the bad place." Dicky—"Does everybody who tells lies ?" Aunt Prue—"Yes, Dicky, they all go there." Dicky —"Then I guess I ain't afraid much. It must be overcrowded now." —Ti uth. WHOM TO CONSULT. Doctor (to patient) —"What ails you?" Patient—"lndeed, I don't know. 1 only know that I sutler." "What kind of life do you lead?" "I work like au ox, I eat like a wolf, I am as tired as u dog, and 1 sleep like a horse." "In that case I should advise you tc consult a veterinary surgeon."—Texas Sitter. ENCOURAGING LITTLE BOBBY. Little Bobby's Mother—"Bobby broke one of those pretty vases of mine to-day, Philander." Little Bobby's Father —' 'The rascal! And of course you—" "No. He came right to me and told mo the truth about it." ''To encourage him in doing right I told him he might have two pieces of pie at dinner." "You took the proper course, Mi randa." "I am glad you approve of it, Phil ander." "Yes. Bobbv will come and tell yon the truth again to morrow." "I am sure he will 1" "Yes. To-morrow he will come and tell you he has broken the other vase."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers