F KEEL AND TRIBUNE. PUBLISHED EVERY MONDAY AND THURSDAY. fHOS. A. EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. OFFICE: MAIN STREET AWOVK CENTRE. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. One Year gl 50 Six Months 75 Four Months CO Two Months 25 Subscribers are requested to observe the 'late following the name on tho labels of their papers. Uy referring to this they can tell at a glance how they stand on the books In this office. For instance: Urovor Cleveland 2SJune9s means that Grover is paid up to June 28, 1890. Keep the figures in advance of tho present date. Report promptly to this office when your paper is not received. All arrearages must bo paid when paia-r is discontinued, or collection will be made in the manner provided by law. THOSE who always llsh close to shore catch no whales. TI'OSE who help to make the poor are the devil's favorites. THERE are more howls in cut fin gers than in pierced vitals. THERE is a world of difference be tween gratifying and pleasing one's self. SOME folks take everythibg in sight and finally their own lives in the su icidal attempt to get more. ONE of tho most terrible curses to the innocent is the prevailing stupid ity on tho part of brutes, which as sumes that because beasts cannot speak they do not feel. A GOOD many farmers are still dis posed 1o fight shy of wheat feeding | and to regard it as experimental, j There are always a good many people | who have to wait until there is no 1 particular need of making a change j in methods before they can make them. PERU IS barely out of one fight be- 1 fore she starts making faces at Chili, j South Americans seem to he unhappy | unless I hey are cutting each other's i throats, or issuing warlike mani festoes and proclamations, and yet j they are not very serious fighters, after all. SOME millers of California have liit upon an inexpensive way of satisfy ing the fastidious tastes of consumers ! who think that Hour which is made away from home is the best. Each mill is supplied with sacks bearing the brands of the other mills \yhich are in the combine, and the brands are selected to suit the desire of the retailer. The consumer never knows the difference and is just as well sat isfied. THE latest report of the Interstate Commerce Commi-sion shows that during the fiscal year ending June SO, 1893, there were 47.T.'t'.t people killed or murdered on the railroads of the i'nited States. The killed and wounded of both armies in the battle of Gettysburg was 32,870. It is an amazing fact that the slaughter on tlie rail every year Is nearly 50 per cent, greater than the carnage of the hardest fought battle of the late war. As THE words are commonly used, there is little distinction made be tween tho terms corn fodder and corn stover. Corn fodder is the name properly given to the corn plant when gathered, including the grain, and corn stover applies only to the stalks when cut and secure 1 for feed after the ears have been removed. This distinction, though not yet generally observed, will sometimes prove very useful when it comes to be freely recognized. SOME hundreds of years ago a learned philosopher wrote a very sys tematic account Of Iceland, duly por tioned off into chapters, each chap dealing with a subject. One chap tor was headed, "Concerning the Rep tiles of Iceland." The chapter was brief. It was shorter even than the heading: "There are no reptiles in Iceland." This is about tiie size of the stor.v about the corn meal trust. The sensational story that one has been formed has been specifically and authoritatively denied. Were r.ne to be formed, how long could it last? llupltcrte Streets in Washington. It, is generally supposed that tho des ignation of tho streets in Washington by numbers and letters makes perfect ly clear in what part of the city a given addro-s can tie found. Yet tho ISa.lti inoro Sun'- correspondent complains that Washington is beginning to bo as badly off as London in respect of dupli cate street names. Ho says that Wash ington ha live King streets or places, eight Madison streot- or alleys, teveti thoroughfares named after (■ rant, six after Lincoln, six after Jackson, six alter Washington, five after fierce, and many duplicates of small streets named after residents o' local note, be side- six Prospects, eight Pleasant thoroughfares and six ■T" streets or alleys, and about 100 duplicates of oth er names. UNCLE —leu me frankly, Fred, what is the amount of your debts? Fred—Oh, my dear uncle, just as much as you pleases 1 BURNING OF CHICAGO. TIRE'S RICH HARVEST IN THE AWFUL DAYS OF 1871. j How tlir Destructive Flumes tlint Wiped | Out a Great City Spread from That Fate | ful O'Leary Cow-Sheet-—Heroic Work of I tho Firemen. Greater than All Fires. ' Among tho groat trials which test men'-' endurance that our country has . ! gone through, none perhaps has shown k | more clearly tho innate strength of i the American character than tho C'hi j cag > fl:c of 1871. Tho bravery, cour ; ago and patience of tho men who built I the modern Chicago on tho ruins of the old is a gloiy to the country at largo and a subject of congratulation I to every citizen. | Tho Chicago lire is without a paral- j 1 lei in re ordod history. Many cities , j have burned—some by accident and | I others by invading enemies—but in all | the annals of time there has not been ; recorded a con Migration so fearfully j destructive as that which overtook Chicago twenty-throe years ago. Tho I great lire in London destroyed some I'Y-dO buildings, but they were mostly : cheap edifices, while many of the C'hi ! eago buildings wore substantial -true j tures of ,-t no, brick and ir n. When Moscow was burned during the inva sion of tiie army tho highest estimate of the number of buildings destroyed was 15,00 . In Canton. < hina, in I s :L\ 15,000 houses were burned. Tho less in those fires was enormous, but yet it did not even approximate tho damage done by tho lire that started in tho little barn < n DoKoven street. In the number of buildings burned, the area laid waste and the loss in money value tho fire in < liicago stands without c iual, even as tho rcconstruc- M Mils O'LSARY'S BARN. J tion of the lity isunraraTeled. In tho ! Chicago fire nt less than 18,000 build | ings wore destroyed. MM ucres were I burned over and left a dosolate waste of ashes and dolris and the actual 10-s n cash value oxcoedod s2i 0,000,000. More than 120,000 people were ren dered homeless. The entire business portion of tho city was wiped out of | existence. Men who went to bed Sun ! day night worth a million awoke the next morning paupers. The fruits of twenty-four years of industry and econ omy and enterprise had disappeared in a night fraught with grief and ter ror. Men raved and women wept, while children clung, terror-stricken, to their parents, who were as helpless as themselves. There was no invading army at the gates, but tho work of destruction and de.-olation was as com- , lleto as though Napoleon's guns had j shelled Chicago as they did Moscow, ! | and tho fiery spectacle was as terribly ! ! in-ful as if another Nero hud applied the tcreh. Oriqrin <>r tlie Fire. ! It was shortly alter ! o clock on tho i night of Sunday. Oct. 8, 1871. that the ; < hicago lire bell rung up the curtain on a panorama which stands cut alone, I ! unrivalled in tho history of tho world. ! Thre • months of drought which had j j parched the wooden buildings, of which Chicago wiiM then mostly built, had I i well prepared tt.e city for its terrible i I fate. Feveral unusually large fires had ! | broken out during the preceding week, one especially on Saturday. Oct. j 7. had exhausted tho firemen utterly. 1 Sunday everyone was making holiday. | No tho. ght of any misfortune came to j tlie myriad citizens or to the wearied j ! rumen who were taking their well i oirnedeas.- and indulging in the rec reations which the town afforded, i Chicago in those days didn't have I her excellent lire alarm se vice which . is new superior to any in tho world. \ watchman was kept stationed in tho court-houso tower to look oiit for fires, and en this fateful night, when ho saw tho I right light in the southwest, in the direction of Saturday's tire, ho thought it wiu the lust dying flame of tho old ccnllag:ation As he looked more intently he saw the light become brighter and clearer and tho fearful 7 .y^-rt-dvfy / Arfifa-" V I u iia-ix jrf. /i 11 i I j§| tfcr ■ 31 1 ! % iff IF# i ! !• /ir r-. | - Jj '' ffij f:rfi nltyfl ill 11 '[j! i ill| '[y : jjf 1 !'!'!! ' d "/ 1 I WHERE THE KIRK STARTED. : Tun House N w Btunding im Slo of the * | O Leury Cottage. truth rushed upon him that a new tire hau broken out. It was indeed so. In , ! a B'l ull wooden barn on Do Koven i treet. In the southwest part of the c West Division, a woman was engaged v in milking a cow, having a lighted lamn near-by. The cow kicked over 1 tho lamp and tho (lames immediately enveloped the shed, shooting their red t tongue?- high up into tho night air. The man on the Court House, finally bee ming aware of the truth, gave the alarm, but. much delay intervened be fore the lire companies answered it. Tho City l ire Department, was poor ' enough at best. Two hundred men, 4 seventeen -team lire engines whereof three were in tho repair shop, sixty hose carts, hook and ladder trucks. j etc.. and 4,8(10 tcet or nose covered It I all. This outfit, it will be remembered, j was to defend from destruction a I sprawling wooden city of .'130,000 in- I habitants. Forty or forty-five precious ! minutes was used up before the fire men got to the scene of the conflagra tion. Many of the men were half dead with fatigue—one man afterward said that he had been on duty lor seventy two consecu ivo hours—and fothers were sick from tho effects of tho previous lire. FIUIIIOH Iloyonil Control. Tho flumes wero utterly beyond con trol in a short timo.' The mass of wooden buildings in tho vicinity blazed THE COURT HOUSE As It Appeared Soon Through the Ruins of Clark Street, like tinder and several lumber yards along the margin of tho river furnished rich food for the flames. A strong westerly wind began to blow, and this drove tho tlames across the south branch and into the south division with incredible fury. .lust at this timo the wretcbod fire aparatus began to go to pieces and before day dawned eight engines and seven other machines wore rendered useless. Attempts wore made to stop tho progress of tho flame* by blowing up intervening buildings with powder, but tho strong wind drove tho tiro over every gap which could he made and rendered tho work useless. The tiro soon reached tho busines* I art of tho city and banks, ho els, -hops, theaters,* tho postotfice, the Court House and the sub-treasury all fell into one burning, fiery grave. Such scones were rover before enacted and probably never will be again. Disaster tore tho veil of pretense from human character and kindne-s and charity, brutality and dishonesty ranged side by fide. Again, tho ca lamity so crazed others that they were apparently deprived of their senses and became unconscious of their ac tions. In its beginning the tiro, as it spread from house to house and from block to block, excited only horror and dismay. With blanched face-; peoplo whispered their foars that it would equal the tiie of the night before, but that the city and 31)0 lives would bo swept out of existence, that the in habitants would l)o driven into Iho lake and out on the prairies was never dreamed. The river was supposed to be an irai assable barrier, i ut the ter rific wind that was blowing to the northeast hurled firebrands a quarter of a mile from tho West Side and the destruction of tho South Side began. The North Side, confident ot safety, sought points of vantage to view tho great sight, and looked about too late. It was encircled with Hume. The LOOK IXO DOWN MICHIGAN AVENUE. truth gradually forced itself upon every one—tho city was doomed. How tho Fire Spread. T. o tiro loaped from building to building as if thoy wero straws tacks. The air was iillotl with Hying brands and sparks. I'andemonium reigned. Toe roar of tho fiamos had increa-eda hundredfold. As the calamity grow in extent men. women and children be came frantic. The horror-stricken si lence that had prevailod in the begin ning gave way to a confusion of wild despair. Brick walls wore falling in, red-hot bricks were being dashed to the pavements, and iron sales and pil lars were heated to whiteness. Tho streets were bright as day, but tho light for once was no terror to tho criminal. Boldly they entered the doors or smashed the window* of a store and ransacked it of its valuables. They even held up people on tho streets and robbed them of treasure* ihoy had rescued from tho flames. There wero instances whero tho thi \os brazenly throw off men who wore driving with loads of goods thoy had raved, and mounting tho vehicles, tho scoundrels di-appeared with their spoils. The effort to rescue goods only ceased when the flames rendered work no longer possible. Tho draymen fed on the disaster like vultures. From $5 to $1(10 was tho price charged for every load of goods transferred. All tho streets wore filled with people fleeing from tho tiro, but tho scene of Wabash avenue far surpassed all others. From curb to curb the street was choked and ammcd with the mob hurrying to the south like a fleeing army. Crazy with excitement, screaming, yelling, curs ing, praying and crying, the peoplo struggled to get by each other and awa.v from the fire behind them. Mounted on dravloads of t unks worn ladies in elegant dresses find adorned with precious jewels, which thoy had donned to save them. Ki'.ujtlc* Effort* in save Property. Men and women in the shafts of bug gies, pulling them along, horses, wag •ns, carts and carriages, driven reck lessly over those who got in the way, people carrying or dragging their goods, women with children in thoir arms, others looking for lost ones, drunken men reeling and staggering through the crowd, iren, women and childieu, rich and poor, in one hetero geneous mass, swept down the avenue. Hospitable doors wore thrown opon to pn iro strangers and they wore housed and taken care of until thev were again driven out by the advancing fames, and they saw other homes destroyed as their own hud been. Oiten the kindnoj9 of tho.-o who welcomed the homeless was repaid by the pretend ed unfortunate victim-; stealing every thing valuable in the house. As the night wore on the scenes in the streets became more horrible. Liquor houses and saloons were broken open, barrels of whisky and wine rolled into the streets, the In ads knocked in and the contents quickly dispatched. Mod erate drinkers drank like old topers, and old topers were lying in thp gut ters. Some drank to stimulate their • t ongth. others to drown their dis tre-s. Women drank with the mem Hii hly diossed and apparently refined ladies, with jeweled hands liftod the wine glass again and again to their lip-. Homes of inte'ligonco and refine ment and haunts of wickedness and vice poured their children into the same street side by side. The infamous jostled the innocent, and the vicious leered in the faces of tho virtuous. Incendiarism also cropped out. For plunder, lirobugs set house* on fire that they might plllugo them without being discovered. On d-d street a bov saturated a clothes-line with coal oil an:l threw it into a building. Ho was killed by tho fireman. At the corner of State and J2d streets a negro saw a white man firing a building and promptlv shot him down. Two men were killed for setting lire to tho Jesuit Church on the West Side. On Fourth avenue a man was found with hay and matches in .he basement of a hous \ He was beaten and stoned to death b.- a crowd, and n the same street a man was shot dead for tiring a negro's barn. After the water supply was exhausted neighbors put out a lire inn rosTOppicß iiuins. in a barn at tho corner of 12th and Burnsido street*. They extinguished the lire with s .nd. which they carried in their coats and hats. A man found iu tho barn was shot. All night Sunday night all through Monday and Monday night and until late Tuo-day night the rod demon continued his awful reign of destruc tion. Not until there was nothing left in his path to burn was tho fiery mon ster apueasod. Commencing in the barn, which was near the corner of Do Koven anil .'efTcrson street*, the fames swoot north to Lincoln Dark, leaving in their wake miles of devastation, acres of destruction, million* of loss. In a few short hours the all-consuming llarae had swept over 2.400 square acres, it had traversed an area almost four miles long bv one mile to a mile and one-half in width. More than is,. 000 buildings had been reduced to a-he s. Over 120,0'< 0 men. women and children had boon deprived of their homes. Every bank in the city had been burned. Scho >ls, churches, 1, busi ness blocks, hotels, theaters, factories, public buildings, national and munic ipal. had disappeared. Industry was paraly>ed. Thousands were on the verge of starvation. Hundreds lay dead, the victims o, the conflagration. I low llio Ki'liiif Cmiio. Before tho lire ceased tho work o) relief wa* begun. Between I and : (•clock Monday the First Congrogu ti nal Church, corner of Washington and Ann streets, was taken possession of and converted into headquarters for toliof service. Green btrcot Church was seized and turned into a ref (t >ry for feeding the masses, < >thor cities came quickly to tho relief of Chicago. First came Indianapolis. At.'Joclock Tuesday two carloads ol cooked provisions and two tiro engines fully manned arrived from tho iloosier capital. Next came St. Louis and then Louisville. Seven carloads of cookod and uncooked provisions, blankets bedding, clothing, etc.. ar rived from Springfield, 111.: six from Fort Wayne: six from Milwaukee; two from Cairo, 111., and tho surrounding towns and villages for 200 miles sont great quan tities of suppiios. Boston sent a KUIXS OK ST. JAMES* ( IU HCtl. check tor $100,000: A. T. Stewart, of New York, sent $00,000: James A. Western of Manchester, N. 11., $I 5, 00 i: city of Krie, l'a., $15,090: Troy. N. Y.. $lo,oo(): Montreal, Canada. slo.nn: Albany. N Y.. $10,000: Philadelphia, Brooklyn anil Pittsburg. each SLUO.o 0 Kidder. Poabody & Co.. $105,000: A. Belmont A: Co., Duncan, Sherman e Co., and Brow Bros., call contributed $6.000, making 1 a total of $520.(100. Towns all over the United Statos took a hand in a-sisting tho city, and on Tuesday night it was known thai $1,500,000 had been contributed by tho people throughout the country for the lire sufferers in Chicago. St. Louis sent sevo al trainloads of supplies, $50,000 irom tne city and over $70.00 i from citizens. Louisville distributed $2 0J 00 worth of supplies. Tho State of Illinois through tho legislature pre sented the city with $2.055,.'DP. (band Duke Alexis a id the Japanese Prince Iwakura each donated $5,00 P. It, is es timated that unrecorded gifts of the value of $2,500,000 were sent soon after the fire from towns in Canada and the United States The com ltion of things after the lire was enough to appall the stoutest heart and make the most resolute lose cour age. But those Chicagoans of '7l knew not fear. Before tho smoke hal ceased to curl up from the ruins and 'ashes of their homes and their business places j they had set about re-creating the city j of which they had just been robbed. I With blistered hands but bold souls j they cleared away tho wreck and ruin I and began to rebuild. For twenty years w. n. kekfoot's block. First Building Free tod After tlio Firo. they kept up this now work. Thon to crown it they wrote on tho sands of the lake shore an architectural poem and invited tho world to come and ad mire. And the world camo and ad mired. Not only did it admire tho white city in Jackson Park, but it ad mired the mighty magnificence of tho magic city of the West and tho most wonderful on tho earth—Chicago! Men said at vespers: is well." In one wild uL'littlic city fell; Fell shrines of prayer and marts of gala Before tho fiery hurricane. On three score spiros had sunset shone. Where ghastly sunrise lookod on none; Men Clasped each other's hands and said: | "1 ho city of tho West is dead." Bravo hearts who fought, in slow retreat, • Tho fiends of lire from street to struet j Turned powerless to tho blinding glare, I Tho dumb defiance of despair. ■ A sudden impulse thrilled each wire j That signaled round that sea of firo. I Swift words of cheer, warm hoart-throbs j In tears of pity died the flame. | From Fast, from West, from South, from North. | Tho messages of hopo shot forth, ' And underneath tho severing wave ■The tvorld, full-handed, reached to save. I air seemed tho old; but fairer still rhenew the dreary void shall fill With dearer homes than those o'erthrown, For lovo shall lay ouch corner stone. Rise, stricken city, from thee throw 'the ashen sackcloth of thy woe; And build, as Thebes to Amphion's strain, To songs of cheer thy walls again. How shriveled in thy hot distross The primal sin of selfishness. How instant rose to take thy part Tho angel In the human heart. Ah. not iu vain tho flames that tossed Above thy dreadful holocaust; The Christ again has preached through thee Tho gospel of humanity. Then lift once more thy towors on high And fret with spiros tho western sky, VAN DUIIKN BTRERT Hit I DOB. To tell that God 1; yet with ua, And love is still miraculous. —John G. IVhittlor. THE BASQUES OF SPAIN. A Peculiar People Who Possess a Remark able History. Tho oldest race of people on the face of tho earth it i- said are tho Basques of Spain who inhabit tho country on the northern and southern slopes of the DyreneO* on the shores of the Bay of Biscay. They live qnite apart from other | eoplo and are generally very beautiful both in form and leatuto. Tho early history of tho Basques, writes an author in a late number of the Cosmopolitan, is mythical and it is o.ily from tho beginning of t. e eighth century that thov have a well-authen ticated record. It was then thoy de stroyed tho Frank army whilo fighting with the Spaniards. It is to th m tho honor is due of taking tho chains from the Caliph's tont which hang now in tho Church of l amplona. and arc carved since that time on the shield ol Castile. All Spaniards who too:; part in that struggle wore ennobled. The Basques, having never b en sub oct either to the Saracens, or to anv other race, were pronounced a'l neblo: so that ever since, to secure a patent of nobility, it is only necossary to produce prool of Basque birth. Hence the con tinuance of the primitive absence of caste, or social distinction*, an ideal .-late unknown to such a degree else where, in which tho to t of worth lies wholly in essential personality. < no Basque, at least Ignatius Loy ola has left his name upon tho world's records. The rfinhor gives an account of tho circumstances which led this once gay avalior to take up the "Live* of the Saints," when he lay w unded and read until ho was fired with enthusiasm to emulate them: and how he won over another Basque Francois Xavior—to a similar caroer of Christian warfare. But as a race the Basques have not flourished. "On Tick." The expression "on tick" is not a modern phrase. In tho diary of Abra ham de la Dryme the following passage occurs, under date of lfit fi: "Hero is very little or no money come down among us, so we scarce know how tc exist. Every one runs upon tick, and tho-e who hud no ciedit a year ago has fsic credit enough now." in a letter of the Dean iVideaux. of Norwich, England, dated May, lfifil, ho says: "The Mermaid Tavern is lately broke at Oxford, and our ( hristchurch men have to bear tho blame, as the town will have it our ticks amount to €SOO " Dr. Brewer says tho word tick is cor rupted from the word ticket, as a tradesman's bill wa* formerly called, and tho phrase was oiiginallv "on ticket:" that is, things taken to lie put on tho bill. Sedloy. in tho "Mulberry Garden," lfifi", says: "I confess my tick is not good." and Oldham (Deems, 1083) has: lOuuced to want, bo in duo time fell sick. NVa* fain to dlo, and bo interred on tick. | THE MERRY SIDEIOFfLIFE. I STORIES THAT ARE TO LT>* BY THEI j FUNNY MEN OF THE '.PRESS. j The Inevitable Result—HislSiispicions j Were Confirmed—An Indication i In Slarket-Drawbaoks^fitc.,Gtc.| The leaves are turning on theltraes, The autumn time Is here ; . There's frost upon the morning breeze, The autumn time Is here; % The song-bird to tho southward iflees, f No more is heard the hum of bees, / We all catch cold and sneeze and sneeze, The autumn time is here. & —Kansas CityfJournal. & AN INDICATION. Ho—"Do you think your father would object to my marrying you?" i She—"l don't know. If he's any thing liko mc, ho would."—Life. A TIMELY CAUTION. Mrs. Skoodles (dicing a long ser mon) — "For good nuns' sake, Bill, don't snore so loud. You will awakonj the entire congregation."—Truth. IIIS SUSPICIONS WERE' CONFIRMED. A—"l've forgotten moro than you ever knew." I*—"I thought you'd tmet witlrsomo such misfortune as that."—Puck. IN MARKET. Lady—"l want five pounds off your best steak." Butcher "Yossum. Private fam ily or boarding-house?"—DctroitiFree Press. AT 2.30 A. M. Mrs. Green— "A woman hasito marry a mau to iiud him out." Mr. G. "Then sho finds hum out n, good deal, doesn't she?*—Detroiti Free Press. HUSTLING FOR THE WHEREWITHAL. Wade—"Young Spendlcyfis trying, hard to raise the wind." Butcher—"What for?" Wade—"Same old thing. Wantsto, blow himself."—Puck. LOOKED THAT WAY. Forrester—"Does Howler's wife, practice her pieces at home before singing them in tho choir?" Lancaster—"l imagine so. Howler/ never goes to church."—ljife. A PROFESSIONAL, BEAT. Patsy—"Dere goes aiman dat's al-, ways beatin' his,way." Jirumie —"Don't hework?" Patsy—"Sure. He plays de bass drum in Casey's lmnd."—judge. DRAWBAf KS. Wool—"Iiow does; your family like living at lloljokenhiTst?" Van Pelt—"All right; except for the malaria ami solitude nobody calls ex cept the doctor, and we have to pay liiin double price."—iPuck. WAYIUP. Plankington— "I 1 understand you had to go to law about that property that was left you. Have you a smart lawyer?" Von Bloomer—"You bet I have. He owns the property now."—Judge. IN HIS EYE. Mendicant—"Madam, I hope you are charitable enough to help u poor blind man." Suspicious Woman—"l am chari table enough, but I am afraid tho blindness is all in your eye."—Judge. AN OPINION. "You don't seem disposed to attach much weight toWliykins'sargument," I said a barrister. "Not much," was the reply, "It struck mc; that ho was simply talking through his legal cap."—Washington Star. THE DANGER AHEAD. Tho Pheasant—"Tho woods are full , of city sportsmen; a great many of us will lose our lives this fall." The Squirrel—"Yes; they are so careless with thoir camp-tiros; and everything is as dry as a bone."— Puck. HE WAS DEAD. "Doctor," said Mrs. Weeds, "I can t get it out of my head that pos sibly my poor dear husband was buried alive." "Nonsense! snorted Dr. Peduncle. "Didn't I attend him myself in his last illness?"— Life. CURRENT LITERATURE. Wood—"Can you see any good in any of those Bertha M. Mud trashy stories they ruu in those so-cafled 'Family' story papers?" Stone—"Yes; a solemu assurance goes with each that it will not be pub lished in book form."—Puck. IN ADVANCE. Kogan—"Who is your eye in mourn-1 ing for, Grogan?" Grogan—"For Callahan." "Callahan is not dead yet." "Sure, lie will be next toime Oi git a chance at um. Ho is the mon thot gev me th' eye."—lndianapolis Jour- \ uul. THE WAY OF KITH AND KIN. Wood— "Gotfcrox has been a pho nomenally successful man. They nay he hasn't forgotten his poor relation*;, either;' but sends large sums to them every month." Stone—"Yes; that's all right' enough; but they can never forgive , him.—Puck. SYMPATHETIC. "There are a good many rumors in the street just now," said Mrs. Mc- J Gudley's nephew. p j "Poor things!" exclaimed tho old lady, sympathetically. "I should ; think with all tho advertisements fur f roomers in the papers, they could get accommodated somewhercs."—Wash ington Star. i ON A CHINESE MAN OF WAR. | Lieutenant "Your most noble Greenjackctness the Japanese ships are approaching." His Greenjacketness--"Then lire ft cannon at the dogs." "But, your Greenjacketness, they are still so far off that the ball will j- only go half way." 4 'Then tire two cannons at the dogs." —Life. IT DID. "You are so woriied with business affairs these days, Billinger," said Mrs. McSwat, laying lier soft hand cm his throbbing brow, "that I'm Afraid even your home affords you /precious liitle comfort." ' "It does, Lobelia; it does!" fer f vently responded Mr. McSwat, gather ing his precious little comfort in his arms.—Chicago Tribune. 1 A BROKEN HEART. "This man," said tho doctor, who was showing tho visitor over the in sane asylum, "is one of our most in teresting patients. You will notice that he does nothing but weep all tho time." "What sent him insane?" asked tho visitor. 5 "He was a Chicago man, and his pocket was picked by a fellow from Philadelphia."—lndianapolis Journal. DID NOT NEED PIE. "Madam," said Meandering Mike, ! when, in response to his request for f food, she offered him pie, "do ye re member a year ago when ye gave a Bufferin' feller creature a pie?" "I believe so." "Madam, I'm that man." "Was it good?" "Good! It saved my lifo. Thero )( was an unfeclin' farmer thet fired a box of tucks right fur my heart at short rauge. I hed yer pie buttoned up inside my vest, an' hero it is--full ( o' tacks, ez ye kin see fur yerself. It ain't near wore out, un' I won't need another ter tako its place fur a year , ( yet."—Washington Star. ] A WARNING FROM THE PAST. "And did you have a love-affair 'once, Auntie?" ' The pale face of the spinster aunt flushed, her eyes filled with tears, "les, dear," she answered; "I loved a noble, handsome young man, and ho loved mo; but wo wero parted by a cruel falsehood." The young girl bent forward, listen ing eagerly. "Yes," resumed tho old maiden aunt in a tremulous voice; "wo wero parted by a cruel lie. A falso friend, a girl who wished him lor herself, basely told him 1 was studying elocu tion." That night a maiden's golden trosßes wero put up in curl papers torn from the leaves of iv volume entitled, "Twenty Standard Recitations." A young girl nowadays does not need to have a house fall on her.—Puck. J The Value ol Politeness'. Tho phase man was dilating on the value of politeness everywhere, but especially in stores, and remarked that ho would discharge a clerk for im politeness or inattention quicker than lie would for petty theft. An old resident of Roxbury over heard the remark, and as an illustra tion of tho importance of politeness on the part of salesmen, said : "A good many years ago I went to i New York in company with my friend Ik One snowy day we strolled into A. T. Stewart's store. Neither of us intended to niuko a purchase. We merely went there as a matter of curiosity. "At the door we were met. by a I polite geutleman, who insisted that ho should tako our overcoats and um- . brellus to relieve us of tho burden of 7 carrying them about the store. Wo told him we were not intending to purchase anything, but that made no difference in his attentions. Another equally polite gentleman insisted on escorting us through the building. Tho fact that we did not intend to purchase goods did not lesseu his courtesy. "Finally, to entertain us, tho cour teous clerk showed us a largo invoice ■of shawls which had just been re ceived. The clerk unfolded ouo after * the other, and by and by my friend said he would take a SI3OO India shawl, which pleased him, and a little later I purchased a valuable carpet. When we entered the store neither of us had the slightest intention of mak ing a purchase of anything, but the politeness of that clerk put more than S2OOO into the till of A. T. Stewart which would not have been there otherwise. "You are quite right iu eraphasiz- I ing tho value of politeness. It is the most valuable commodity a man or I woman can carry about, it may some -1 times be misplaced, but in the long ruu it pays." —Boston Journal. (icnoral Exhibition of Spirts. France proposes to have a general exhibition of sports in connection with the exposition of 1900. The Bois de Yincennes will be set aside for them. The Minister of Commerce has appointed a commission to draw up a general programme, which is to include fencing, shooting, gymnastics, military exercises, boating, athletics, cycling and ballooning.—New Orleans Picayune. Liber Historiarum Roinanarum, Venice, 1-170, folio edition, is worth SIOOO. It i owned by of London.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers