FKEELAND TRIBUNE. PUBLISHED EVEItY MONDAY AND TIIUIISDAY. 'fHOS. A. BUCKLEY, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. OFFICE: MAIX STUEET ABOVE CENTP.E. SUBSCRIPTION RATES. One Year Six .Months Four Mouths /jo Tv/o Months 25 Subscribers are requested to observe the date following the name on the labels of their papers. Dy referring to this they can tell at a glauce how they stand ou the books iu this office. For instance: Grover Cleveland 28JuneQS meuns that Grover Is paid up to June 28,18P5. Keep the figures in advance of the present date. Iteport promptly to this office when your paper is not received. All arrearages must l>o paid when paper is discontinued, or collection will be made in the manner provided by law. Australia is a country without or phans or an orphanage. ft very wail is taken to a receiving house, where it is kept until a country lionie is found for it. Prior to IS JO the foreign immigra tion to this country was small; it. set iu mainly during and after the Irish famine iu 1817, and since then the im migration has been on a scale never before seen in history. Why do not some farmers who find no money iu their present style of crops try raising sunflower seed? asks the Courier-Journal. The North Caro* linn Station found in experimenting with sunflowers as a farm crop that they paid well. Though a new thing in this country it is not altogether new, for Russia has raised this crop for years. At the North Carolina Sta tion, the average yield was sixty-five bushels. There is really no waste to the plants. Oil is expressed from the seeds, an l hulls or shells used for fuel. The stalks and scedcups are fed to sheep. One of the documents submitted by J Erastus Wimau's counsel iu the Can a- 1 dian's trial for forgery was a state ment showing the enormous profits ol the mercantile agency business. Ac cording to this statement the Dun con cern earned $315,730 in 1885, and the profits steadily increased until, in 1802, they reached $525,000, making the total for eight years 0f53,313,500. •'This enormous sum being the net profit of only oueconcern iu tho busi* neas," remarks the Atlanta Constitu tion, "we are only left to conjecture how much money the business men oi America spend to learn the financial Branding of their brothers, and in ferentially how enormous must he the original transactions upon which the agency business is merely a para site. " A careful article in tho Xe7/ York Tribune shows tho enormous stride? made by tho orange industry in a lit tle over twenty years. It was only in 1873 that Florida oranges were first Bent to the New York market, but in ten years the industry ha l increased BO rapidly that it had seriously cut into tlie Mediterranean trade. In -I 'B3O 1,708,000 boxes of Sicilian oranges were imported, while in 1801 this number had fallen to 632,003 boxes. The California orange cro > is now an important factor in the trade, a* no less than 2,500,033 boxes were shipped from this State to the East last year. It will riot be long, with new orange groves coming iut bearing every year, before Cilifornia will come lip to the 6,003,000 boxes | now produced by Florida. The removal of tho Capital of i Louisiana from Raton llougo to New I Orleans has been again proposed in the State Legislature in the form of a resolution, to submit tho question to the popular vote. It is doubtful, how- j ever, adds the New York Fost, whether j the people would record themselves iu favor of a change, for in 1873—at a time when tho State Capitol was al most fallen iu ruins and tho denart ments were without quarter*—the question in the same form was before them, and they decided that Raton Kouge should still 1)3 the Capital. A local paper says: "The argument? are in favor of New Orleans as tha Capital, but wo do not imagine that the people of Louisiana are willing, despite these arguments, to go to th i expense of a change now. When they want it—and wo believe that the feel ing in favor of it will grow stronger every year—they will demand it in such manner an to leave no doubt of their wishes. We see no evidence of such a sentiment to-day." In con nection with this subject it is inter esting to note that no less than four teen States have their Capitals locate 1 in their principal towns, twelve in large cities, although not their largest, and sixteen in towns of less than 15,- 000 people, and the first class of States have decidedly the best governments TUB MKRUI SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ARE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Leading Iliin I'p to It— Acme Reached Her Temper A Sad Blow—A Lad of High Degree, Etc., Etc. 'I Una': I will nv r marry." said she , •With a single life Fin contented quite." "Indeed, that's really too bad," said lie, • For I meant to ask you this very night." With a beautiful blush she softly said "However little I am inclined To wedlock, since you propose it. Nod. 1 think I can manage to clinage my mind." —New York Press. KER TEMPER. Mr. Jones—-"Mrs. Brown keeps her i temper beautifully, doesn't she?" Mr. Brown —"Yes; I never saw her without it."—Detroit Free Press. ACME REACHED. Higgs—"Figgs is prospering, isn't he?" Hatch—"Oh. yes. He's got now to where he can sass his butcher."— Judge. A SAD BLOW. The Rich Uncle (to his physician) "There is hope for me, then? Physician—"l think so." Tho Rich Uncle--"Well, please break it gently to my poor nephew." -Life. A LAD OF HIGH DEGREE. Hayrick—"How's yer boy doin* at college, uncle?" Uncle Treetop—"Splendid! Get tin' high marks; fust time lie come home lie had on a pin with '3B onto it."—Puck. COMMENDABLE DECEPTION. Mrs. Grymes—"Why did you tell Johnny that it would make his mous tache grow to wear a piece of court plaster on his lip?" Grymes—"He can't whistle while testing the matter." —Puck. A NARROW ESCAPE. Bailey —"And when, nt the conclu sion of his oration, Spouter exclaimed, 'Give me liberty or death!'the audi ence arose as one man." Everett—"Yes, but they didn't kill him entirely."—Joseph Banister. ALWAYS. Jaspnr—"l have noticed a peculiar thing about men who claim to believe in nothing." Jumpuppe—"What is it?" Jaspnr—"They always havo an un speakable belief in themselves."— Truth. A HINT REQUIRING ACTION. lie—"They say that microbes which cause disease are conveyed from one person to another by kissing." She—"lndeed?" He—"Yes." She (after a pause)--"Microbesdon't ' scare mo very much."—New York I Bun. IN THE BUSINESS CLASS. The teacher of a commercial college was hearing the class in banking ro- < cite and he called on a pensive look ing fellow from an interior town. "What's the nature of a check," lie asked, "that makes it valuable?" "Tho Big-nature," responded the pensive party, and the teacher wanted to apologize.—Detroit-Free Press. RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION. Porter (in hotel)—" Were you look ing for anyone, sir?" Irritable Gentleman (angrily) "Yes ; a man promised to meet me here ou important business at two o'clock. I've just come, and here it is four o'clock and lie's not here vet. Shows how prompt some people are in keep ing their appointments."—Truth. A GRUMPY CRITIC. Wool —"I had our friend, tho musi cal critic with mo at Hobokenhurst two or three days last week." Van Pelt—"Enjoyed himself, didn't he?" Wool—"Not a bit; tho robins in sisted on singing every morning, when it was perfectly clear to him that they didn't know tho first thing about music." —Life. NOT GUILTY. Little Jehu was given a penny to put in the Sunday-school collection. Visions of long sticks of candy arose in Johnny s mind, and forgetting the far away heathen, he pocketed tho cent. When he returned home his father inquirod if ho had cheerfully contributed to the cause. "Now, tell rue, John," he said "are you guilty or innocent?" "I am in a cent," was Johnny's re ply.—Truth. THE SECRET DIED WITH HIM. The yonug lady at tho piano was playing a difficult selection from Wag ner. In the midst of it she suddenly stopped in confusion. '•What's the matter?" inquired one of the company. "I struck a false note," sho re plied. "Well, what of it?" asked another; "nobody hut Wagner would ever know it, and he's dead. Go ahead with the music." And she went ahead.— Chi cago Tribune. TOO SMART. Richard —"By the way, how do you anil Miss Smart get. along?" William —"Oh! that affair is all over." Richard—"You don't mean it?" William—"You see, I'd made up ray mind about a week ago to bring mat ters to a crisis. So I began by saying that I had a question I wanted to ask her." Richard— "Yes. William—"She tossed iier head and said any fool could ask questions." Richard—"And yon?" William—"l merely told her per haps it would be just as well then to let some fool ask my question."—Bos ton Transcript. THE ONLY FISH NOT OUT. A man entered one of the down town restaurants the other day and, being invited to inspect the bill of fare, his eyes fell upon the tish part of the food schedule. "Give mo some baked bluefish," said he. "Bluefish all out!" yelled the cook, sonorously. "Well, I will have boiled salmon ami peas." "Salmon and peas all out," respond ed the cook. "Then I will have a broiled fresh mackerel." "Mackerel's all gone!" shouted the chef. Having exhausted the list so far as desired, the guest asked the waiter what kind of fish they had a supply of, and the answer was* "Tripe!"— Boston Post. AN ENCOURAGING PRACTICE TRIAL. "I am to understand, then, Miss Plunkett," said the young man, out wardly calm, whatever may have been the tempest of passion that agitated his interior, "that this avowal is an un welcome surprise to you?" "I have never dreamed, Mr. Han* kinson," she replied, with cold and al most disdainful glance, "of the possi bility of such a thing, and I beg that you will never renew the subject." "It would be useless to reopen tho decision, would it?" "It would." "You could never look upon me in any other light than that of a friend?" "Never." He was silent a moment, and then, with a visible effort at unconcern, he Haid: "Pardon rae for asking the question, Miss Plunkett, but was there any thing unseemly or repellent in my language or iu my inanuer of express ing myself?" "No, sir. Under the circumstances, Mr. liankinsou, I have no objection to saying that you expressed yourself admirably. Your words were well chosen, and your manner, apart from the—the emotion, which I need not say I do not share, was unobjection able." "Had you been at all predisposed in my favor, then, you could havo lis tened kindly to me, and—and might— might possibly—" "I think I may say yes to that," she said, pitying his evident embarrass ment. "Yet—yet it made no impression on your affec —on your heart?" "None at all." "And it will never be of auy use for me to ask you again?" "Once again, Mr. Haukinsou," said the young woman, coldly, "and onco for all, no." "Then you won't mind my telling you, Miss Plunkett," he said, greatly relieved, "that I was indulging in a little preliminary practive with a view to calling on Laura Bilderback. lam going there now. Good evening, Miss 1 Plunkett."—Chicago Tribune. ! Punished Alter Thirty-Bight Year*. ! Here is a story of the merciless se j verity of the Russian law, which has | gained currency in London. More j than thirty-eight years ago Ivan Ry ; koff, an eighteen-year-old hoy, got i drunk, and, entering a church, stole | the wnx candles from the altar and sold j them to continue his spree. He was | arrested and condemned to the mines |ol Siberia for sacrilege. After a time i he managed to effect his escape, and I through many hardships and dangers made his way to Tomsk, where was j befriended by a farmer, and, securing ' the passport of a deceased laborer, ho I married and prospered. His story he I carefully concealed until a few weeks ago, deeming all danger past, he rc j lated his experiences at a family re union. It was but ten days afterward when a police oflicer entered his bod room early one morning, and arrested hiin on the charge of being an escaped Siberian convict. He was brought to trial, ami in court made a full con fession, thi owing himself on the mercy of the court. It is an attribute that that court does not seem to possess. He was sentenced to bo severely knouted and sent back to the mines for a period twice as long as that to which ho was sentenced as a boy.— Picayune. Sun Dance of the Frees. Chief Little Rear, who is recognized as the chief of the Cree Indians in the United States, yesterday called on Judge Benton to ask a permit to have a big sun danco on the west side. He explained to the Judge thot the dance would last threo or four days, during which time the braves cat nothing, dance day and night and give exhibi tions of their endurance. The sun dauce is of Aztec origin and was originally a religious festival de signed to ho an act of worship and homage to the sun, which at this Rea son of the year commenced to give j life to vegetation. In old times it was • customary for the braves to have | books inserted in the muscles of their i hacks with a chord attached to a sap ling and then swing themselves anuud like a flsh dangling at the end of a ; lishpole till they fainted away, tho man who could endure torture tho • longest being the greatest Indian among them. While proceedings of this kind have gone out of fashion tho sun dance is still an exhibition of physical endurance.—Great FalU (Montana) Leader. CROP ROTATION. Crop rotation should be practiced if you mean to improve the land. A crop rotation of three, four, or five years, with clover for one of the years, can be so arranged that tho land will be continually strengthened by it. This method, in connection with all the manure which can bo manufactured and the turning under of green crops as often as may be possible, is the way by which many a poor farm lias been changed into a good one, and land which barely paid its taxes has been made to yield an excellent living, but this has been done only by good, methodical farming and not by hap hazard methods—Chicago Times. RIPENING CREAM. In ripening cream, the temperature should be kept as near sixty degrees as possible. It will ripen in twelve, twenty-four, or thirty-six hours, ac cording to circumstances. It should be stirred thoroughly at least twice a day, and every time fresh cream is added. The cooler the temperature tho longer the time for ripening and vice versa. If tho cream is kept too long it not only becomes excessively sour, but decomposition sots in ; that is hurtful. When ready for the churn, if cream is too thick, thin with water or milk. If tho cream is too cold you may churn and churn and the butter will not come. If too warm, the but ter is spoiled.—Ohio Farmer. STACKING HAY. Hny keeps best 111 a round stack. If the stacks are to go up by hand, plant a pole about tweuty-livo feet high and stack around it to the top, tramping thoroughly near the pole. Then rake the sides thoroughly after a few days' settling, aud there will bo no percep tible v.aste. It is cheaper to put hay up in this way than to build barns and haul it iu. Cheaper because the hay goes up faster and lessens tho danger of loss by raiu ; choaper because labor is high and time is procious iu hay harvest; cheaper because it costs money to build barns. Some may scout the idea of having to uso a pole for a guide. Better use a pole and have all your stacks perfect than to serve your false pride and have part of the stacks lose their tops in tho wind, or loau over aud leak water. If the stacking is to bo done by a machine, still adhere to tho rouud form, throw ing each delivery 011 top of the former and stack just enough to give the pile good form. Build the sack about twenty-eight feet high and put about fifteen tons in it. The hand-built stack should have about five tons in it. The small stack always cures best aud makes the finest hay.—Rural Life. DAIRY CALVES. A transition stage from now to skim milk may commence at one, two or three weeks old, according to the 1 vigor of the culf and the strength of its digestion. With very robust calves the change may commence when they are a week old, but generally speak ing it would be better to begin later with the skim milk. Only a little of that is given at first, then more with every meal. The new milk ration is gradually decreased until tho whole ration is skim milk. The whole transi tion period need not cover more than two weeks. As soon as the new milk ration is withheld iu any degree, some substitute should be given iu its stead, to supply, in part at least, tho butter fat that is thus withhold. There is 110 better substitute than flaxseed. It may bo prepared and given as follows : Take a quart of flaxseed aud im merse it in six to eight quarts of water; soak for six hours, then boil lor one hour. Of tho jelly thus made feed the calf enough to answer the purpose. Commence by giving half a teacupful and iucrcaso gradually. Two indications will tell us when tho calves nre getting too much ; one is that they will become too lax iu their bowels, and tho second is that they will get too fleshy. When either of these in dications manifests itself, wo can less en tho amount of flaxseed given iu tho milk. It is that dairy calves be not allowed to get too fleshy. Just as soon as they become too fleshy, a bias of the system is given in that di rection, and this interferes with best milking qualities. Inattention to this matter has brought injury to many a dairy cow, and has injured her per manently ; that is to say, through the whole of the period of milk giving. Those habits of the system begotten iu early calf hood become, as it were, an inherent part of tho animal, so firmly do they cling to them.—New York World. A VERMIN TROOP POULTRY HOUSE. Some years since when removing to a now place where there was a scarc ity ot outbuildings, writes B. W. Jones, of Virginia, in the American Agriculturist, our poultry was put into a cellar to roost. The house was an unused kitchen, and the basement walls were of brick. The interior was dry and with a temperature quite uni form the year round, being warm in winter and cool in summer. Alto-, gether tho basement proved a very good place for poultry, aud alter a few months I concluded to fix it up per manently. On removing the former roosts and nests to provide better ones, I was surprised to find that there yvas jio vermin upon any of the tiiu hers, nor anywhere within the cellar. The poultry must have had vermin when they were first put into the base ment, for the old house from which they were taken showed it plainly enough. I now put the basement in thorough order, everything tidy, with new nests and roosts. From that time on I watched the cellar closely for vermin, but none were ever observed there. I kept poultry in that base ment for about six years, a time long enough certainly to test thoroughly the matter, and irom beginning to end no vermin was ever seen therein. 1 am sure of this fact for the discov ery was so remarkable that I made re peated examinations to see if any ver min could be fouud, and to discover, if I could, the cause of its absence. It certainly was new to me to have a poultry house without vermin, and 1 never had poultry in hcathier condi tion, or laying better, than during those six years. I found the poultry business both pleasant and profitable. Yet I never could decide what it was that kept the parasites away from the fowls and the house, except it may have been the brick walls, that were always a litle cool and moist to the touch of tho hand, and probably not suited to tho life of the vermin. What ever the true cause may be, the fact remains that this basement poultry house, with walls of brick, surrounded by earth nearly to tho top on the out side, with a good roof overhead, and kept clean and dry, made a roosting place where 110 vermin would come tu feed upon and annoy the fowls. WEEDS AND RASPBERRIES. 11l a paper upon weeds and weeding prepared for tho meeting of the Pennsylvania State Board of Agricul ture Mr. Cummiugs, ofSunbury, said: "The plantain was called by the ludiaus 'the white man's footstep,' as it was abundant in or near hard trodden paths, and not much else where. It is especially abundant in places where poultry is kept. Some entomologists claim that an insect parasito destroys it in the field, but the parasite is itself destroyed around man's dwelling by poultry. A further reason why plantain does not grow in fields is that it is a plant hardy enough when grown alone, but easily smothered when grown surrounded by clover or other plants, and usually does not infest clover fields unless its seed was mixed with that of the clover. "Some years ago I put out 12,000 raspberry plants, and the summer following the spriug of planting it was a question whether borry plants or woods were being grown. When the plants wero put out thoy were pretty close to the ground aud proper horse cultivation could not bo given them because the rows of plants could not be seen for tho weeds ami briars. Finally men wore employed and woods and briars were pulled out by hand. A number of rows were discarded on account of their growth being stunted and smothered by weeds. The first year there were not enough berries to make it an objoct to market them. The socond year fifty-five bushels. The third year ninety-seven bushels, aud this year the prospects are bright for over a hundrod. The berry patch was located on a piece of ground that was grown up with briars, burdock, sumach and all kinds of weeds, and the great mistake was in not cleaning it out, and putting it iu some summer crop in the preceding year. This hint is thrown out for the benefit of those intending to plant berries or other small fruits, which need regular cultivation to give a good return for money and time expended." FARM AND GARDEN NOTES. Never overfeed young heifers. Chopped burley is good food for lambs to make bono aud body. It has been remarked that the cream of experience is skimmed from spilt milk. Salt is necessary for all vegetarian animals, ami aids iu the digestion of the food. Skill and brain work get better pay in dairying than in any other brauch of farming. It will not hurt any animal that is kept for dairy purposes to havo a calf at two years old. All dairy room doors and windows should be provided with screeus that will keep out Hies and other insects. Beets, or mangels, which are a spe cies of beet, may be sown any time up to June. These plants noed very clean land. Many persons regularly raiso two crops of potatoes from the same noil, which can bo done on most farms when managed properly. Balsam seed should bo sown in boxes or pans iu early spring for summer blooming; in early July, for flowers, aud in September, for winter blooms. Hot water, if applied early, will re lieve caked udder. If that fails, try vaseliue or sweet oil. Rub frequently with the baud, using first each time the hot water, hot as the hand oati bear it. Sulphur should always be kept in handy reach of the sheephousc. It is a preventive of many ills. A few pieces of roll brimstone should always bo found in tho horse and cow troughs. Insects and vermin do not like sul phur. CULTURE OF PINEAPPLES. AN IMPORTANT INDUSTRY ON THS EAST COAST OF FLORIDA. The Pickers Have to Wear Mittens— Plants Mature ill Two Years —ln creasing Yield—Average Profits. MITTENS in mid-summeri The combination seems in-1 congruous, yet the traveler & up and down the Indian River at this season of the year,writes rv Jensen (Phi.) correspondent of the New York Tribune, is constantly eon fronted in the country Htores with signs like this: "Mittens! Mittens I Singles 25 cents, doubles 35." If ho is "new" in the country, and if he has any curiosity, he will learn upon in quiry that these mittens aro not for keeping off the cold, but for protect ing the hands of tho pineapple pick ers. Sometimes they are displayed on lines strung across the store, and they are queer things to look at—rudely shaped gauntlets of coarse white duck or canvas ; long enough to reach from the finger-tips to tho elbow, and pro vided with a "pocket" for the fore finger as well as for the thumb. A protection of some kind is absolutely necessary for the pineapple pickers, the long, narrow leaves of the plant bristling ull about the apple iu the centre, and their edges being as sharp and dangerous as saw teeth. These mittens are so far the best device known for the purpose. The picker has both hands mitteued; with the left he seizes tho plant and pushes away the leaves from tho fruit, while with his right he twists off the apple from the stalk, being careful to leave the "suckers," which grow in a circle all about, its base. These suckers are used for setting out new plantations, and are in great demand all through the pineapple country after the crop is off and marketed. The pineapple crop of the Florida East Coast—not including the Keys is estimated this year all the way from 40,000 to 55,000 crates. These crates are iu size about that of the regulation orange box, but in weight they will average, when filled with "pines," over twice as much. The freight agents figure on about 160 pounds to the crate, or 150 crates to the car. But sometimes nearly 200 crates are stowed away in a car, if cars are scarce. The average number of pineapples to the crate is sixty-four, but the fruit varies in size, some varieties growing very large and heavy. A conservative esti mate of this year's crop is about 50,000 crates, or fully 3,200,000 pineapples. The marketing season extends ovei about seven weeks, beginning late in May and closing about the middle ol July. There are some late varieties and some late loads, so that a few straggling shipments continue up intc the mouth of August aud sometime! as late as September. So great has been tho Htimulaus giver to the pineapple industry hero during the last three years that a crop of full*, 100,000 crates is expected in 1895 The plantations come into bearing in two years f roni tho planting, ami the cost of cultivation is not great. A grower of fourteen years' experience gives the following liguros: (Meaniuc one acre o r )nml £7 Plants—l4,ooo, at pur 1000 tf Betting out plants 2 Care of plants—ll rat two years . r i Fertilizer '• Total If tho land cost S2OO per aero—an average prico—this would make the cost of one acre, at the end of twe years, $490, to which most be added 12 per cent, for interest on tho in vestment, taxes, etc.—or a grand total of $548.80. The yield peer acre at the end of tho second year ought to be 14,000 "pines"—o2lo for every plant; but a fair estimate would be 12,500 apples, which at 5 cents apiece net, would bring $625 as a return upon an investment of $543.80 for two years. This is something over 87 i>er cent., or 43.5 per cent, per year. After the first crop there is 110 expense for clearing the land, and none for plant* or setting them out--in fact a small revenue can bo had from the sale of the suckers. Some of our pioneer growers here have grown rich in the business. It is said that one year's crop not long ago brought SIB,OOO net to Captain T. E. Richards, of Eden, about three miles north of here. There is 110 in dustry iu tho world which pays better than pineapple growing on the Indian River, and by the vear 1900 it prom ises to yield an aggregate annual revenue of $5,000,000. R ISE WORDS. We are shaped by our yesterdays. Money is not the measure of merit. Love doesn't wait for an invitation. Advice should bo well shaken before taken. Lovo is a natural product of hu inanity. Possession is pursuit with the pith punched out. Matrimouy is a remarkable dovelopei of character. Courtship is a glass through which we see darkly. Epigrams are diamonds in the gravel of conversation. A life of crime is often the result of running in debt. We must go away from ourselves to find the ideal. When Cupid meets a woman he smiles and sits down. History makes us some amends for the shortness of life. One who learns tho art of living will keep out of .rouble. Feminine beauty is not the subject for a man to select for conversational purposes with a homely woman. YOU AND r. fou and I for a mile together, Over tho greensward to the trees. Breathing the scent of the wild sweet clover, Blooming for hungry bees, summer days aro full of dreaming, Clouds like tho fancies lovers weave— Blent nnd light as a dream of morning, Swift gliding the shadows they leave. ITou and I for a life together. Over the highways thick with dust. Bones and ruts where tho feet must follow, Softened and smoothed by your loving trust. Summer (lavs of gleams and shadows, Joys all hidden 'neath winter snows ; But joy and hope, and lovs. forever, Dear heart, out of your sweet face grows. —Gh W. Ogden. lIIJMOK OF THE DAY. Fost-mortem—Dead wood, Dak. A lover of old books—The moth.— Mercury. To the victors belong the privilege of fighting over the spoils.—Puck. Contentment is better than money, md just about as scnrce.—Texas Sift ing?. Money that is hoarded is no more use toan broad that is buried.—Mil waukee Journal. We all of us live and learn; but some of us live a great deal more than we learn. —Puck. The tramp will not doscend to slaug when it comes to using "soap" as a synonym of money. —Puck. Father —"Tommy, what's your mother baking—a cake?" Tommy "Can't tell yet. It isn't done."—Life. Most men would be pretty well sat isfied with the world if no one in it were better off than themselves.— Puck. There aro somo mortals who are never happy save wlion they have some hurt feelings to enjoy.—Galveston News. Every man should try to live so that the world will not be made very much better by his getting out of it.--Gal veston News. If a woman's age could be told by her teeth, like a horse's, man would occasionally have a chance to edge a word in.—Puck. Lover—"l assure you, Ilerr Meyer, I cannot live without your daughter." Herr Meyer—"Oh, you overestimate iny income."—Fliegende Blaetter. "Ah!" remarkod tho great musician as he walked tho floor with his howling offspring in liis arms, "it is much easier to compose a grand opera than H wakeful baby." "Dapper feels terribly uncomforta ble about his wife's mannish ways." "Goes in for athletics, eh?" "No, but she won't learn to build a lire."— Chicago Inter-Ocean. "I understand you've bought a dog to keep burglars away?" "Yes." "You are not troubled any more at night, then, I suppose!" "Only by the dog."—Tit-Bits. Court "Why should the prisoner have an interpreter? Can't he speak English?" Attorney—"No, yom honor, he's a railway traiuinau." Cleveland Plain Dealer. It will bo noticed that the man wire advertises A sure scheme for getting rich in a hurry always requests you to inclose a lew postage stamps for his recipe.—Washington Post. "Rest and change aro good for peo ple," said the wife as she rose in tin night to rifle her husband's pockets. "I've had a rest, and now 1 think I'll have a little change."—Buffalo Courier. White—"l wonder that Gray should think of marrying that woman. She is not on speaking terms with her own mother." Blnck--"Perhaps that iH why Gray marries her."— Bostor Transcript. Mother—"What have you done tc your little sister?" Boy--"Nothin\" "Then what is sho cry in' for?" "I dunno. Guess she's cryiu' because she can't think of anything to cry for."— Good News. Mrs. Bewtay—"Yes. Patrick, that ii my picture; but it flatters me a lit tie." Patrick—"lt would have tc flatter you a good deal, mum, to look as well as you do iu my eyes, mum." —Boston Transcript. "What's old Swizzles, the million aire, looking so pleased about? He just lost $19,000 in stocks." "Yoj, but afterward he managed to get a free ticket to a soventy-live-cont show." —Washington Star. Papa —"Are you sure that you and mamma thought of mo while you were away?" Little Grace—"Yes; we heard a man just scolding awful about his breakfast, and mamma said, That's just like papa.'"--Chicago 111- ter-Ocean. Clerk "Does it tako you an hour to go around the corner?" Boy—"A man dropped a quarter down a hole in the sidewalk." Clerk —"Aud it took you all this time to get it out?" Boy "Yes, sir. I had to wait till th 3 man went away."—Harlem Life. He —"You nr,e the only woman I have ever loved." She—"Do you ex pect mo to believe that?" He —"1 do. I swear it is true." She—"Then I believe you. Any man who would expect a woman to believe that can not have been much in the company of women."—Harper's Bazar. A Damp Detector. In England they have what is calle l a "damp detector," a silver trinket, not unlike a compass in appearance. At the back are small holes in the sil ver, through which tho damp passe j and moves the needle until it points to the word "damp." By the aid . f this contrivance uuaired sheets can be de tected. —Hardware.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers