Tho two-minute bicycle promises to irrivo far ahead of tho two-minute t-otfcr, observes the New York Bo torder. Some one has figured that there nro io ninny railway linos, steam, elevated, j rnble and horse curs in New York City lh n .t u person may rule for .six hours at i total cost of fifty cents. According to an election return jus. made to the British Parliament, there ire 6,229,120 voters in the Tinted Kingdom. There were 4,592,-*S2 in England, 270,276 in Wales, 717,271 in Ireland and 619,091 in Scotland. V. P. Loom is, formerly United States Consul nt St. Etienne, France, says that from an investigation lie made he finds about 9J.000 Americans visit Europe every year, and that they spend about $100,000,000 annually abroad ———- Cardinal Gibbous has rechristencd Chicago with the classic title of •' rhaumntopoHp," the wonder city. The appellation is deserved, but tho Kew York World thinks it will hardly displace that of "the windy city in popular parlance. Tho name of Gay Head, applied to n famous promontory of the Massacliu- Belts const, means exactly what it eeeins to mean, and is peculiarly ap propriate. The headland, us seen from the sea, is guy with many colors run ning in strata, the result of chemical qualities in the earth of the cliff. A like variety of color is presented by mauv rocky islets and headlands in the Souud opposite Pelham Bay Park. Tho Woman's Library at Chicago contains 7000 volumes in sixteen lan guages and represents twenty-three countries. It is to be placed in the permanent Woman's Memorial Build in % which is to be erected in Chicago, and will form a nucleus for the collec tion of the literary work of women in the future, as well as, through its cat alogue soon to be issued, a complete bibliography of women's writings up to the present time. There are 22,000,000 soldiers in arms in Europe. If all Long Island were a drill-ground, calculates the New York Kecorder, it wouldn't be big enough for their field manoeuvres. If they were to march in a street pa rade, files of ten abreast, it would ' tuko the line of 2000 miles 100 days to pass a given point at fair marching speed. In Indian file they would reach around the world. In a year they would drink the Hudson dry for over a mile of its length. There has been a remarkable revival of interest in the "abandoned farm/*" of New England since so many mills closed their doors. A large number of applications have been made to tho Massachusetts State Board of Agri culture for its descriptive catalogue of the abandoned farms of that State. It is believed that some of the men who are out of work think of taking up farming as a means of livelihood. "But will a mechanic bo a successful farmer?" queries the New York Tri bune. Now comes tho suggestion that the do j power of the United States shall be utilized for draught purposes, as it is in Belgium. A writer estimates that there are 7,000,000 dogs in this country, and then figures out their aggregate pulling capacity. The idea may be new as to dogs, but the New York News recalls that humorist John Phoenix suggested the utilization of cat power more than forty years ago. His plan was to run sewing machine? by cat power. The cat was to be placed in harness connected with motive works. A mouse was to be suspended just beyond the cat's reach. The cat's jumping for the mouse would propel the machine. Says the Boston Cultivator There is a deficiency of 34,000,000 bushels I in the German rye crop this year, and this comes with a deficiency of 18,. 000,000 bushels of wheat. Rye bread is the staple food of a large part of the German people. They prefer it to uneaten bread when they can get both. Owing to the tariff war with Russia importations of rye from that country are cut off. It is Russian rye that has heretofore supplied the deficiencies of what Germany requires. There is sure to be a large demand for all the rye American farmers can produce during the coming twelve months. It is a crop much less exhaustive than is wheat. It can be sown later in the fall, and if fertilized with mineral manures it responds to liberal treat ment quite ftH freely as does wheat, fn many places the demand for rye it raw makes the crop worth growing for the straw alone, •ris US EI ESS TO REG RET, We've done tho best we could, ray denr* ( There's notking to regret ; We've taught the children many truths On which our hearts were set ; An 1 If against our old-time ways | They foolishly protest, We need never regret, my dear, That we have done our best. There's many a plan that's come to naught ; There's many a light gone out ; And disappointments, griefs and cares Have hedged us round about ; And many a sad mistake we've made Throughout our lives, and yet We V 3 don** the very best we could , 'Tis useless to regret. I'or out of evil good has oora rt , And out of dnrknoss light: And all wrong doing in this world Some day will be set right ; And though we have not reached the height Attained by others, yet We've done the best we could, my dear ; 'Tis useless to regret. We've tried to live like honest folks, To do our duty well, Giiust evil things to take our stan I, In goolness to excel ; So judge yourself not harshly, dear, Nor at misfortunes fret ; We've done the best w J could, an 1 s 'Tis useless to regret. Till; EDITORS VISIT. j BY FRANCIS C. WILLIAMS. HE noon hour hail j I / come Hie city I I editor of theChron- j 'j\ jl icle was very busy, making out an as signment list, when * u <iueer old-fashion od figure of a man ' camo into the room ft n 1 stood waiting by the side of the desk. "Well!" said tho city editor, look ing up sharply, aftjran iustaut, "what do you want?" "[ wanted to kuow if you could make use of this," answered tho new comer, timidly holding out a small bundle of manuscript. "I'm suro we can't unless it's some thing a trifle less hoary with age than that you brought here tho other day." I The city editor, who was a compara- j tively young man, very alert, very , quick in speech, and all business, took I the manuscript, unfolded it with a snap and ran his eye over the first few ( linjs. Then he wheeled his chair around and said, straightening up and speaking testily: "Now look here, John Harmon,once i and for al), understand that it's no use bringing HUOII stufl' as that in here, j and I won't be bothered with looking : at it! Why, tins is identically tho | same ancient history you tried to shove off on me the other day." "I3ut 1 polished it up!" suggested the old man. "Polished up your grandfather!" exclaimed the other. "Why, you couldn't polish that mutter so that it would be readable if you worked for ever. It's hard luck; but the plain truth is there are too many young men hustling for live news to allow of such back-number trash as that being good for anything but to stop a hole. I haven't got any more time to talk! If you get any news, bring it in an 1 I 1 will look at it ! Otherwise,stay uunv, ! please !" The city editor faro 1 his desk again, ! picked up his pen and fell to work', not j looking at the other. The older man | for an instant stood motionless, then i lie picked up the manuscript, put it in ' his pocket and turning away walked slowly out <T the room without a word. The wind was biting hard outside ' i and he drew his collar about his ears as he walked despondently down n side street. He had not far to go, for pres ently he went up the steps of a small j house and opened the door. The room into which he came was bare and mis erable looking, and everywhere showed the lack of a woman's hand to straighten , the few bits of furniture, which only j served by their moan repair to add to the forlorn appearanco of the apart- j meut. The old man stood quite still, ! one hand resting 011 the doorjamb, j staring ahead of him as if ho saw be- ! yond the opposite wall. As he stood there, there came a glad child's cry from the other end of the room : "Oh, Gran'pop, I glad you come! I It's awfully lonesome!" The old man's face brightened. He I reached down and, as the little girl I came running to him, caught her up i and laboriugly lifted her to his breast. ! Then lie kissed her and put her down. She did not see the tears on his cheeks as he talked to her of the fun they would have that evening "after work 1 was done." After work was done was the season when these two had grand romps together. Work, as little Polly well knew, meunt writing, writing, writing until she would crawl upon the old man's knee and beg him to come play, and he v.ould drop the pen from his cramped fingers and let her kiss from his eyes the mist which would gather there, when he kept his mind long fixed on the pages before him. John Harmon was nearly eighty, "a broken-down newspaper man ' he was called, and his only inheritance from past days was a knowledge of news paper writing and.a little granddau^h- ! ter, whose mother unci father hiul died in a fever epidemic a few years before The old man threw the rejected manuscript on a chair, then set about getting something to eat for himself and the child, the little one all the while chattering to him of what they would do in the evening. When they had finished ho pulled on his coat once more, kissed the child and went out again. A publishing house had prom ised to look over some manuscript lie had left a week or HO before. He was going there to get their answer. He comprehended dully that this answer might mean something to eat, but, more likely* keensr hunger tlin.ll ever. When the child was left to herself he sat down and fell to looking over some illustrated papers which were her invariable source of amusement. By and by, becoming tired, she wandered over to the table. The rejected manu script on the chair caught her eye. Oran'pop's papers were forbidden nrti- CICH to her, but when she saw this package and slowly Hpelled out the ! writing on its cover, "the Chronicle," I there came to her mind that Grnn'pop had told her when he was writing this I address the night before and was too busy to play with her, that the manu script had to bo sent in to-morrow. This was "to-morrow, she reasoned, and the manuscript had not gone. Gran'- pop must have forgotten it! He would be sorry, she knew. Presently there came to her a bright idea and she stood very still for a moment, thinking hard. Why could not she take tho manuscript to the Chronicle? She know where the office was ; she had been th re with Grau'pop. It would be such a surpriso to him to find it already gone when ho came 1 home. She decided to do it. She took the bundle from tho chair and pulled on her jacket and tied her hood fast. She was used to dressing herself and soon was on the steps, the manu script clutched tirinly in her hand. Then she started off for tli9 Chronicle office, proud of her self-appointed mission. The elevator boy was much sur prised and not a little amused when sho asked for the editor. He tried to chaff her on the way up, but she re fused to take any notice of his re marks, if she understood them. All her thoughts were 011 the top story and the editor. Despite his fun making the elevator boy was a trifle impressed, and, thinking she might be one of the "old man's" relations, when they arrived at the upper floor he showed her to the door of tlie sanctum and told her to knock. Then ho left h?r and went baek to his post. Tho editor was greatly surprised when a timid knock sounded ou his door, and in answer to his "come in" he saw over his gold-bowed spectacles the diminutive maiden who entered. He looked at htr hard, but she did not appear discomfited. She came toward him without hesitation and stood with one little hand resting 011 the edge of the desk, the other extending the folded manuscript. "Gran'pop forgot to bring it down, so I fetched it!" she explained, her blue eyes looking up into his puzzled gray ones. Now, the editor was not a man easily confused, but this was a novel experi ence even for him. In all his life he never remembered having received in his office so small and at tho same time so confident a visitor as this. He looked at her sharply, almost sternly, suspecting he was the victim of some joko but her gaze never flinched, and the baby eyes were not frightened. He took the manuscript, from her grasp and ope..ed it. There was 110 solution of the mystery to be obtained here, however. The story was some local history of early days. There was 110 name, tio m irk of any kind to tell who wrote it or where it came from. Non-plussed, he turned his eyes upon the little figure beside him. Somehow, in spite of the old-fashtonel and m ich-woru clothes, it suggested ! to him that of a Htfclo one who hll j one 1 called him father, an 1 a kin 11/ ! smile lit his face. I "I don't know anything about this I paper," he sai 1. " Vho did it come I from?" "From Gran'pop," she answered, as if that conveyed full information. "Yes, but who's Gran'pop? I don't remember him." "Why don't you know him? He's been here often, and I came with him once or twice, that's how I knew j where it was." I The editor racked his brain in vain to think who Gran'pop could be. I "Well." he said at last, "you sit : down iu that big chair there and I'll j look over this paper and tell you what to say to him." Then he wheeled his j chair about and began reading. ! Jt did not take long, however, for I him to decide what to do. Ho struck 1 a hand-b ill on the desk and a boy came into the room. "Sand Mr. Campbell to me !" the editor said. A moment and the city editor of the ! Chronicle entered. | "Campbell," said the editor, "do you know whose writing that is?" and he handed him the manuscript. "Yes," answered the other "it's old John Harmon's. He brought it in here this morning and I told him we I couldn't use it. It's all ancient his tory." "Well," said the editor a bit shortly, "it's the kind of ancient history the i Chronicle wants. Can't you see that that s local matter that a good many would rather read than news? Give it a good place on the fourth page of to morrow's issue, and I'll try to'see that wo have a column ox just such stuff twice a week. That's all: ' j The city editor did not set the little i figure in the big chair, and a bit dis ] concerted at being turned down' so ! sharply, lie took up the manuscript I again ami le/t the room wondering I what was the matter with the "old man," and how the historical stuff had come into his hands. When he had gone, the editor drew a sheet of paper toward him. Looking at the little figure in the chair, he said : "1 will write a letter for you to take with you and give it to Gran'pop." Sh i nodded her head wisely, and lie rapidly wrote a few lines. Then he folded the sheet, put it in an envelope and rose. The little girl slipped out of the i c kair and came across to liini. "Good by! ' lie said, laying a hand on her heud, "and come and see mo some | time again 1" Then lie opened the j ( * 0()| 1 watched her ring tlu bell ! nqd dHMppgfif ig the elevator. f The elevator boy was quite deferens tial to her going down ; but she paid no more attention to him than before. When she slipped out of the building she hurried up the street, the letter in her hand. As she turned the corner near home she saw "Gran'pop" just entering the <k>or and ran hard to catch him; but he had gone in before she came up, so she knocked on the door. The same instant it was pulled open hurriediy and the old man, white and trembling, stood in the frame. 44 Thank God!" he breathed, drawing her up in his arms and burying his face in her curls, 44 1 thought you were lost." 44 X0, I only been to tli' office I" ex claimed Polly, clinging to his neck. 44 T0 the office? Where do yon mean?" "Th' Chronicle office. I took th* writin' down there you left on th* chair and th' editor gave me a letter for you ; he was awful nice." The old man took the envelope she held toward him and dropped into a chair. With the child drawn close against him he broke the paper with trembling fingers and read: THK DAILY CHRONICLE, No. 429 Street. John Harmon. Esq. Dear Sir—We will use your paper on local history In to-morrow's "issue. Wo will be p'.eased to have you contribute a column of like matter as often ns you can give it to us. for which we will pay you at our regular space rates. Yours truly, C. N. HAPOOOD, Managing Editor. There was a mist before the old man's eyes as he read the last words. 44 Was he cross, Gran'pop?" queried Polly, seeing tho tears. 44 N0, Polly," said the old man, straining her to him; 44 he has given us lots to do, but it shall not interfero with your playtime, little one."— Kate Field's Washington. Raising Foxes in Alaska. For the purpose of perpetuating the fast vanishing fur supply of Alaska certain enterprising persons have gone into the business of breeding blue and black foxes on uninhabited islands along that coast. When the seals have been finally exterminated the world may still look to that region for somo of the most valuable and beautiful pelts known. The Smeda Propagating Company has recently stocked a number of isl ands with foxes, and the investment is beginning to yield handsome re turns. The lands thus employed are valueless for anything else, being wholly barren. The breeding of blue foxes has already been made very suc cessful on one of tho Pribylof Islands —that of St. George—in Bering Sea. Of their increase ten thousand have been killed and skinned for mnrket. One advantage of this industry is that it involves no expense for ths care or feeding of the animals. All that is re quired is to let loose a few pairs. Those of them which nre taken must at all times be trapped and not shot. Thus they become exceedingly tamo in tho course of a few generations. In tho same region there are red, whito and j "cross" foxes. Skins of the last named variety, which is supposed to ho a cross between tho red and the black, are quoted at from $1 to 33 wholesale. The white and rod pelts are worth ouly about $1 apiece, because, though they nre very beautiful, they are much m >ro comm >n and easily obtain able. Black foxes aro so rare as to bo hard to procure for breeding purposes. A .Musical Canine Critic. A-wonderful story of n French mu sical critic is related by persons who profess to have been acquainted with him and to have seen him in attend ance on musical performances. Ho was a dog, and his name was Parade. Whether ho had a different name at home was never kuown. At the be ginning of the French revolution ho went every day to the military parade in front of the Tuileries palace. Ho i marched with the musicians, halted with them, listened knowingly to their ! performances and after the parade dis appeared, to return promptly at pa rade time next day. Gradually the musicians became at tached to this devoted listener. They named him Parade, and one or another of them always invited him to dinner. He accepted the invitations and was a pleasant guest. It was discovered that ! after dinner ho always attended tho theatre, where he seated himself , calmly in a corner of the orchestra and listened critically to the music. If a new piece was played he noticed it instantly and paid the strictest at tention. If the piece had tine, melo- I dious passages he showed his joy to the best of his doggish ability, but if the ' piece was ordinary and uninteresting he yawned, stared about the theater and unmistakably expressed his disap ; proval. Brandon Bucksaw. I Salula'lons in Old Marbleheitl. The customary morning salutation at all seasons in old Marblehead, Mass., is, "How is the fish?" In the past rainy simmer the answer, after a look down the street, has generally been, "Oh, her tail is going round and round." This is the town's way of speaking of the weather vane on the Congregational Church, the infallible oracle which determines whether boats shall put out to sea and leisurely lands men go a-riding. Rochester Union and , Advertiser. Fond ol Captivity. It would be difficult to find a more eloquent tribute to the kindness be- I *dowed on the brutes kept at the dog i pound than that paid by a dog dis posed of u few days ago by the pound authorities to some man on the other I the river. The dog had not cen away from the pound more than I - v "7 gl,t hours before he broke I I" new master, swam tho Ohio and nil wet turned up nt the pound entrance and barked for ad- I Times-Star. SMUGGLERS' TRICKS. SHBEWD DEVICES TO EVADE CUSTOMS DUTIES. The Chinese Uc?*4 All In Arlfulness— Tilde Marvelous Ingenuity in Importing Contra band Opium* SAN FRANCISCO is the second importing city in the United States and is naturally the theatre of many smuggling operations. The character of many of the imports is such, too, as to stimulate efforts to evade the revenue laws. Articles of small bulk and great value, on which the duty is heavy, are incentives to smuggling. At the Port of New York precious stones, velvets, aud laces nrj the articles usually found endeavoring ti get into the country in a contraband way. In San • ? rancisco opium, silks and cigars are the favor!t; article.-; of the smuggler. The reason for this is that our ocean commerce is largely with ports which r,e:id abr >ad these articles, while laces, velvets an 1 precious stones come here STUMNITFG A COOLlli'j CLOTHING. by rail across the continent. There s some elfort to smuggle such things rom British Columbia, but on a small scale, while tho importers of contra band liquors endeavor to get their goods landed at so:u > of tho Pugct Sound ports. "he customs officers' of San Fran cisco have to deal with 3omo of the most artful smugglers in the world. The Ohineßc are a race Ot smugglers, and there not a people on earth more fertile in expedients t-o evade the revenue laws. Their stolid, impassive demeanor serves them admirably in then* contraband operations, for their actions seldom afford, as is the case frequently with white people, any ground to suspect that they are trying to practice a fraud. They have taught the sailor men of the white race tho shrewdest tricks practiced on Uncle •Sam's tax gatherers, and arc never caught in 0:10 device without being ready with another equally as hard to detect. iJeforo the influx of Chinese laborers was stopped it would sometimes occur that a Mongol looking as if all his years were acquainted with only poverty 11111 toil, would innocently try t J sneak ashore with a dirty old blouse stuffed full of ftno silk handker chiefs, scarfs or Indian neck shawls. Tho Chinese garment for cold weather is a quilted blouse or tunic, with a heavy tilling of cotton. Silk handker chiefs being light and fine, a single blouse would sometimes contain a valuable invoice. A demure Chiueso maiden would sometimes step ashore with tho thick soleH of her shoes stuffed with silk. A whole covey arrived here some years ago with their shoes stuffed in this fashion. An inquisitive inspector had X. EX VUI.VIN'a THC SOLE OF A SHOE. his attention attracted to tho ex traordinary thickness of tho soles, and mado an investigation which resulted in a vivluable seizure. To a man the Chinese crews on the steamers plying between this port and Mexico, South America and tho Orient ire smugglers. They hide their con traband goodß in the oddest placed imaginable and get tlieni ashore past the eyes of the customs officers in ways that almost baffie detection. They have brought opium skilfully stuffed in bananas still hanging to the stalk and in oranges. One day, about six years ago, a Chinese dressed as a cook walked leisurely down the gang plank of a Pacific Mail steamer with a basket on his arm containing several loaves of bread. Ho shuffled right by a Custom House officer, and would have got away all right, but on the wharf camo into collision with a druukeu sailor. The sailor who was to blame, gave the Chinese A violent shove, sending him Sprawling and scat tering his bread loaves. A policeman interfered and noticed that one of the | loaves had broken open. He started to I examine and the Chinese started to run. Every loaf was filled with opium. Chinese have been detected with boxes of the drug doftly bound up in their queues or tied under their arms. Every bit of baggage and every arti cle they take ashore is a hiding place. Beams on ship and table legs have been hollowed out as receptacles for contraband opium. False bottoms are | put m cubby holes and pantry draw j ers. Hiding places are sought in coal I bunkers and under the engines and j boilers. The methods of secretion arc I HO varied and ingenious that frequent ly the officers are unable to find smug- I gled opium, even after they have deft | nite information that it is aboard a | vessel. Only recently the officers faile Ito find a lot, although they knew positively that it was on board. However, keeping the closest watch on everything that left the ship, they finally intercepted the opium as it was being taken ashore. Severn I years ago the officials wore informed that a hole had been hol lowed out under tho stern of one of the China steamers as a receptacle for smuggled opium. When the steamer arrived they made a search and found a hole largo enough to contain be tween s'looo and S4OOO worth of the drug, but it was empty. It had been dumped out into the bay off Fort Point with floats attached. A considerable portion of it was picked up. A regu ular business was for a while main tained by throwing the opium over board with floats attached to long lines for confederates to pick up aud take ashore in boats, but the officers became cognizant of it and broke it un. Once a box containing tho bonds of dead Chinese was placed on a steamer at Victoria to be brought here for shipment to China. An accident caused it to be closely examined, when a large quantity of opium was found concealed under the bones. Large quantities of opium havo been smug gled in barrels of salt fish and in lum ber. Cigars come here from Mexico or Manilla in cases of sea biscuit or sacks of sugar. They creep past the customs inspectors in many innocent disguises, but cigar smuggling is more dangerous and difficult than opium smuggling, and is less lucrative. These devices have no relation to collusion between customs officials and importers to undervalue goods or to admit them as of nou-dutiablo character when they are something else. It is only re cently that gigantic frauds were prnc- TO DF, TICKED UT> BY CONFEDERATES. ticed in this way. Nevertheless, tho aggregate amount of smuggling in small lots at thin port is very large every year, notwithstanding tho vigil ance of the officers. Almost every day some one is caught smuggling, but the number of escapes exceeds the number of captures right along. —San Francis co Chronicle. Blown Through a Telegraph Polo. Thore is a section of a telegraph pole in the museum of the Georgia State University. This pole, nays Colonel R. M. Johnston, has a light cypress shingle sticking through it, about half of it projecting from each side. That shingle wan picked up in a storm and blown clear through the telegraph pole and left sticking there. The Surest Way. The great wealth of many Americano was acquired by tho closest economy. Most people seem to prefer the rapid method, ouch as speculating, some with other people's money. But the slower process oi economy, industry and steady application in the surest.— Boston Journal. Proposing to Penelope. Before. After. -New Toil, Ledger. WEAVING. placed my loom the slender threads along— I laughed to see them glisten ; hen—ldle weaver! sat with careless hand® And dreamful eyes to listen, ho whirring song crooned vibrantly, tlie warp Was wondrous fair that day ; Z' .t eve I rose—l had forgot the weft! The threads were all one wnv. A useless fabric, with unwoven shref® Across—no binding ties : he warp of alms may glint, but Idly runs. In which no purpose lies, careless heart! I said, and are you thus An instrument unstrung? strain of harmony but half complete, For words you left unsung? listless dreamer! weaving shadows there, To echoes half contest, cross the loom, if you will only look, | Love, smiling, holds tho weft. \ --Louise Watson. HUIIOR OF THE DAY. \ Ruled off —Ledgers. A tweed garment—A sac coat. "Get off the earth," the cyclone said o tho barn. A nervous affection—A man on tho -ve of proposal. The crawfish is not very good to •at, but it will do at a pinch. —Truth. One characteristic of good old Elijah ras his raven-ousappetite. —Cleveland 'lain Dtialer. London's constant fog may bo used by the continuous reign.— .)allas News. The fine wheat will insure the farmer md the English sparrow full crops.— Cleveland Plain Dealer. People who are always scheming jenerally pay about double for what hey get.—Milwaukee Journal. When a man is dressed in a little >rief authority, ho makes it more con ipicuous than a red neck-tie.—Puck. So far no 0110 has ever made tho ilunder of painting a Cupid to look as f he had any sense.—Atchison Globe. "Why does Snagsby keep his hair mt so short?" "Because lie's getting □aid, and be won't havo it long."— Philadelphia Record. "He says he owes yon a licking, ioes he? Well, you'll never gerft it." 'How do you know?" "I'm his .ailor."—Chicago Tribune. "He's a very modest young man, sn't he?" "Modest as a burglar; ho loesn't even want tho credit of his >wn work."—Philadelphia Record. An enterprising hosier has nn aounced a new button, which he calls The Old Maid's Wedding. Why? Be cause it never comes off.—Tit-Bits. Tho coalman's season may be tho winter, tho summer the iceman's liarv jst, so that it's possible the railkmau dnds his greatest profit in the spring. Shall I from her sweet spell depart, Or take her for better or worse? The choice is—will she break my heart, Or shall she break my purse? —Puck. Demonstrator in Natural Science— ' Gentlemen, I hold in my hand threo shells." Voice (from amphitheatre) "It isn't under any of them."—Detroit Free Press. Watts—"l wonder how this world will get along when you and I have left it?" Potts—"You'd better be wondering how we'll get along?" —In- dianapolis Journal. Pipkin—"Does your wife know anything about cooking?" Potts —"J guess she does; you can't get her intc any of your cheap restaurants."—Kate Field's Washington. "Hello, Bingley, how did the doctoi lucceed in breaking up your fever?" "Oh, easy enough; lie presented hie oill, and I had a chill in fifteen min utes. " —Chicago Inter-Ocean. "Can I get this note shaved?" h timidly asked the money-lender. "Gracious!" ejaculated the broker, ni he glanced at the date, "it's old enough ! to need it!"— Atlanta Constitution. Unless old words can be exchanged for the new ones that are being rapidly coined, English dictionaries will soon have to bo taken to a cotton compress to be rendered portable.—Dallas News. Applicant for Work—"But the oc cupation seems to be a dangerous one." Manager—"Yes; but then in snse yon are killed the company would send flowers to your funeral.Boston Transcript. Richard—"When my wife agreed to share her lot with me I didn't know there was a mortgage on it." Harry —"A mortgage?" Richard "Hei mother, I found, went with the lot." —Boston Transcript. A fellow in Smithville who couldn't spare $2 a year for a newspaper sent flfty two-cent stamps to a down-easl Yankee to know how to raise beets. He got an answer, "Take hold of the tops and pull for all you ore worth."— Oswego Times. Oh, the gold Is rolling in From'bqyond the briny seas. Millions rolling in each day, Bringing us financial ease 4 Millions more are on the way. Rolling onward to this goal, And as we are none too flush, Why, we'll just let her roll! —Kansas City Journal. Measuring the Elms. A recent number of the Boston Globe states that Doctor Oliver Wen dell Holmes lias made a practice foi some years of taking the girth of the large elms and other trees which he has seen in his daily drives. He lias, however, only found four trees with a girth greater than fifteen feet. The tape has usually been applied at a point about five feet above tho Soil, the place selected for measuring, as Doctor Holmes states, being the small est circle of the trunk between the swell of the roots and tho swell of the branches.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers