WHAT HOT TO LOSE. Don't lose courage: spirit brave Carry with you to tiie grave. Don't lose time in vain distress; Work, not worry, brings success. Don't lose hope; who lets her stray Goes forlornly all the way. Don't loee patience, come what will, Patience ofttimes outruns skill. Pon't lose gladness: every honr Blooms for you some happy flower. Though bo foiled your dearest plan Don't lose faith in God and man. "LITTLE ONE." BY FLAVEL SCOTT MINES. The great ballroom was like the sea. The wuvrt* of people whirled and eddied in the storm of music. They tossed to and fro —backward and forward—tho jewels and brighter eyes of tho fair women suggesting tho spray that is thrown upward by the waves and lit by tho sun. Tho human tide ebbed and flowed—a turbulent whirlpool surrounded by a wall of stony dowagers and ancient beaux. Then thoro came a sudden lull— the wind died out —tho dancers ceased, and all was order. The flitting couples were tho gulls darting hero and there after the storm was over. A girl came out into tho hall, leaning on the arm of a much-bedecked cavalier, who was jerky in his walk and voluble in speech. Tho man was a type of tho many types of Washington society, but his partner attracted tho eyes of all. She was probably nineteen, rather tall, and very graceful. Her features were classic in their mould, but full of tho fire of life and sympathy that tho strongest chisol fuils to carve. As they passed down tho broad hull, the man chattering like a simian, and the girl indifferently regarding tho bluso youths that blocked tho way, a young fellow came forward wearing an air of general disgust, and looking infinitely more bored than his other miserable fellow-creatures. Ho stood carelossly to one side to let the two pass, apparently regardless of them, but as they approuchod, tho girl ran for ward with a cry. "Why," ejaculated the young man,' aroused from his state of apparent som nolence, "it's Lit—it's Nancy 1" 44 You never told mo you wore here," answered the girl, blushing ever so slightly. The do trop cavalier looked 011 this meeting with an expression of feeble ness, and stood to one sido. "How could 1 tell you?" laughed the young man, "when I imaginod that you wero still in Virginia? I was going down to-morrow." "Didn't you know I had como up to Washington to make my debut, and— Oh, I beg your pardon, Lieutonant Frux ton, my cousin, .Mr. Wentworth." The Lieutenant shuttled uneasily and bowed stiffly, while Wentworth made u feint at a slight nod of recognition. "Coino into the conservatory, Nancy," ho whispered, offering his arm; and Mis tress Nancy, who acted her own sweet pleasure, turned to the officer with a smile and bow, and accepted hor cousin's arm. Tho Lieutenant blinked at them as they wont off'. "Well, Little One?" said Wentworth, with a (piestioning smile, as they en tered tho dim, fragrant room. Miss Nancy stamped her foot. "Why do you persist, Tom, in calling mo so?" she objected. "It won't do for society?" "Well, I reckon not," answered Tom. •'That's my own especial name, and so ciety has nothing to do with it." 4, 0f course not," responded the girl, absently. She was thinking of some years before, and Tom's stubbornness regarding that very subject; she let it pass now as she had then. 44 Tell me, how are you?" remarked her cousin, leading the way to a cloistered seat. "Suppose I had gone homo and missed you?" 4, 1t would have been your own fault," replied the girl. "You are so mighty independent that your own mother does not keep track of your movements, much less your humble cousin." 44 1 didn't think she cared," Tom an-! Bwered, and waited a moment for her to respond, "She don't"—which reply was forth-coining in due season. ,4 Don t let's tight,'' Tom continued, i "How do you like society?" 44 0h," laughed the girl, "it's pleasant, I becauso society seems to like me. Mrs. \\ horter, an old friend of papa's, thought it too bad that I should miss the madness of a W ushington season, and invited mo up. Mamma is staying at your house, and do you know, Tom, wo are going to spend this summer there. Auntie savs that the visit is to bo indefinitely pro longed. Isn't it good of her?" "Perfectly right," agreed the young man. "1 in to spend the summer there myself. 44 Why, I thought you were abroad?" cried the girl. "So I heard." 44 X0, that is, if my homo-coming doesn't scare you all away," was the re ply of the fickle youth, who ten minutes before would have called upon the nino gods to bear witness to his intended hegira. It was the first capitulation and the girl must have understood it soine liow, for she was uncertain how to an swer. After all, it was the belle of the season who responded, " W ell, perhaps not." 1 lien an intruder came upon the scene, a gentleman with fierce whiskers, which essayed the leonine, but lent rather a feline expression. A his—-er is my dance, I believe, Miss Hardy," he ventured. And Miss Hardy, responding with an indifferent "Is it?" took his arm. Then she turned tohercousin. "I'll save you tho next dance, Tom." 1 ho young man smiled and nodded in J the most matter-of-fact way, while Puss in-Hunts glared at the individual who re- ' ceived such sovereign courtesy with such ' apparent calmness. Left to himself, Tom gave vent to a whistle. Then he improved the occasion by growling and mentally dubbing him self a hydra-beaded specimenof asininity. ' It had been three yours since they hnd last met. ilo was then fresh from col lego, with an unlimited good opinion of himself, and she just in tho chrysalis state, 'i hey had been good friends who were eternally squabbling, and now lorn winked slyly at an oleander, and changed his mental personal designation to something more Mattering, lie did not consider his instability; he did not recall his harangues regarding single blessedness as opposed to tho mis ery of woman's thrall, llis memory of those col I ego poems full of cynical bitter ness toward the fair sex —so good at that timo—was completely wiped out. He he came a slave with tho grace of a con queror; but there was enough latent good sense in the young man to make him re solve to keep his opinions to himself. That night ho settled upon his plan of campaign. He would make himself use ful; by-and-by he would become neccß sary. Ilis cousin—three degrees removed, by-tho-wav—also saw in him an in terposition of I'rovidonce. She could d as she pleased regarding him, and make him useful. Not that she didn't act I her own sweet pleasure in every thing; but queens may not bo so absolute as cousins, and there was a sense of J possession and comradeship as well. She I had known him forever as measured by J her own life, and ho was a brother more than anything olse, and a few years' j abscnco did nothing toward altering the i sisterly regard. So Miss Nancy Hardy, | the belle of the season, adopted Tom ' Went worth as a deus ex machina; and, when sho so desired, the wires were manipulated, and the convenient cousin j lowered into the center of society's stage . and made to act his little purt. The only one who objected was Mrs. Whorter, tho girl's chaperon, who thought that there was something deeper thun cousinly regard in the young man's mind; , but when she feebly objected (on general principles alone), the younger lady gave ; a scornful sniff, unci commented upon tho i | years that she had known him. j So the season of 1845-6 passed on, the ! young man continually on his guard, and playing his part so well that he oc casionally introduced a gentle quarrel to prove that tho state of things was us it always had boon. But ho grow to know tho girl better than ho had over done before, and learned her sweet sim plicity. She was a butterfly and a child —aimless in life, careless of the future, delighting in tho homage sho received. But sho took all the admiration of the men so naturally, betraying no partiality, having no knowledge or thought of tho truth of lovo as it should bo, that her self-constituted mentor dared not to venture upon a warning, as ho would have done if his suspicions, always alert, suggested anything serious. Life to her was full of youth, music, and pleasure; lovo was an abstract quality that she did not realize. Went worth understood it all—and waited. Ho had outgtown his uncertainty; he had become u man. 80 the sea of society pitched and rolled, burying many bonoath its deep waters, whilo Mistress Nancy rode 011 tho topmost wave uiid ruled. Hut there came an awakening 0110 day; a tiny cloud passed over A ready. Went worth, who had been lulled into a fooling of security, was suddenly awakened, lie had called at the house, and with tho assurance of familiarity entered at once into tho drawing-room; and as he entered, a pic ture was revealed that stirred his pulses and made his heart throb wildly with jealousy. A young man stood bofore the fire, silent and abashed. His cousin ; sat to 0110 side, her head bent in thought also silent. They both turned ut his entrance, and then tho young man, with a low bow to tho girl, went out, not no ticing tho intruder. As the door closed Went worth wont forward and tho girl rose and took his hand. Hereyos were ' full of gentle, womanly tears. "Oh, Tom!" sho said, choking back a sob, "why do such things happon? Why do men love me, and then feel badly because—because—" Tom's heart gave a great bound; ho was wholly satisfied. "I don't know, Little One," he answered, tenderly and gently, patting tho little hand that lay in 4 his. But ho did know; and ho also know that if ho told, 110 would give l up hope and banish love. Tho time had not yet come; ho must continue in his fool's paradiso; standing unarmed at tho gate to guurd. Then ho suggested a relief, and it showed tho curb that tho young man possessed over himself, prov ing also his roady deviation from tho path of truth. "What do you say to a cantor?" ho j asked. "The horses arc now waiting, and I'll order them around." Tho suggestion was a happy one. But I upon reflection Tom afterwards doubted tho wisdom of the stop. As they gal- j loped through tho city half an hour later ' another horseman hove in sight, and with j the permission of Mistress Nancy, joined j the party. And this rider—a grave, | middle-aged officer of tho army—seemed j to interest tho young lady exceedingly, until Tom said something (to himself) that touched severely upon the fickleness ' of woman, as exemplified by a hereto- | fore perfect being. When the ride was j over, and with glowing cheeks, Miss j Hardy tostiliod to tho pleasure hercousin had given her, that peculiar young man ( was not greatly impressed; for he had | not even been called upon to exercise his { machine duties, and Major Burton had 1 done all the talking when she was silent. I Having had his suspicions aroused, Mr. | | Thomas Went worth did not spend his I time in building castles; he settled down | | to business and engaged in ohaperonage. lie would have welcomed any change of feeling in his cousin, but toward him sho remained the saino as ever. Major Bar ton wus entirely too prominent those days, and Mrs. Whorteronco questioned him as to whether 110 thought "the major was in earnest." Tho good lady had be come convinced of his disinterestedness, and was surprised and shocked to hear tho Major called an "old fool." The young man had no bed of roses those days, and each hour seemed to be fitted with a par ticularly sharp thorn made on purpose !to disturb him. The Major was very at tentive, and Miss Nancy sublimely un conscious t> all appearances, but a large j size devil of doubt had entered tho I youth's mind, and again opened that : Healed chamber of cynicism and distrust. If ho could only find some pretext to outdo the Major ho would have been luippy, but that gentleman was so uniformly polite that Virginia chivalry was not to bo oust in the shade. As the winter of '45 lmil boon all sun shine to tho young lover in tho cloak of a cousin, so tho early part of '4O was gloom. Tom's life was an atmosphere of urbane majors, who loved him for his cousin's sake. Second-hand affection of this kind did not appeal to him, hut lit tle attentions and dinners could not ad mit of his being otherwise than gracious, and he went to those dinners solely be- I cause Nancy had asked him to once, for j the Major hud given the invitation to her to deliver, Tom not being visible at the timo. He plainly saw the drift of things ; he know that Nancy's eyes wore opened, and that for her the world had resolved itself into tho Major, with Tom as the attendant satellito. The Major | possessed the faculty of being first in anything and everything, and the disa | greeable machine goil was lugged along , to keep Mrs. \\ horter happy and amused. | The minordoity submitted for tho sake of | consulship—confound kin! he thought— ! ■ and tho only thing that cheered was tho i reflection that it cost tho Major a lot of ; ! money. It was tho Major who got them front seats to see some official ceremony, where for throe hours Tom sat by her side ! while the other was absent on duty; but ; it was tho Major, resplendent in full ( dress uniform, that walked borne with ! Miss Nancy, while Tom escorted Mrs. Whorter, and gave small heed to that I lady's reminiscence of tho time when tho silk-stocking regime of Madison gave ! place to tho bag-at-the-knee rule of Mon | roe, all of which happened when she wus | a "little, little girl." 44 Um!" commented Tom at the con clusion of this history, and, looking ahead, dooidod that the Major and Nancy made a very hundsoine couple, which angered him. I There were rumors of war afloat, a Lone Star State in view, and the fact brought comfort to the young man's soul. I for the place for soldiers was ut tho j front. The rumors grew in strength ull the tiino, and one day a magnanimous : thought came into tho young man's mind I —why should ho not go to the war too, . and give his rival an equal chance? lie I consulted with the Major, that official saw the War Secretary and the Presi dent, and one day came back with acorn- j I mission as Lieutenant. 13y that time all talk was that of war. One fair April day Tom took Nancy I down to tho valley of tho Shenandoah, ! gavo her into tho keeping of her mother, and badegood-by to his afl'octionato rela tive. As ho mounted his horse to ride down to the station—he had taken advan tage of the occasion to kiss all around— -110 waved his hand and shouted, " I'll come back a Major!" Then 110 cursed himself for a prig as ho rode onward, for the dear girl would surely misunderstand him; and ho roraombered the faint blush he called up for a long time. There was one thing which truly pleased him, and that was tho thought that 110 would bo on even terms with the Major in Mexico as far as lovo went. So ho returned to Washington feeling unpleasantly like a fool, and trying to make himself out a martyr to principles. When Tom reached the capitol lie got orders to report to General Taylor on tho ltio Grande, and off ho wsnt, leaving the Major in \\ nshington, only four hours from his ideal. This was not what 110 had counted upon, and Tom realized then that he had been a sure-enough fool. He did not intend to make any such sac rifice at first ; all did not seem fair in lovo and war. lie roached tho camp by tho Ist of May, and thoro found that ho had to leurn so much that he gave up tho past in order to perfect himself in the present work; that is, ho gavo up us much us ho could. He had boon 011 duty for a week, when tho Major turned up, smiling and hearty. "Hello, Lieutenant," was his groeting. "How are you?" lie grasped the young ' ' man's hand and hold it. "I may call you 1 Tom, may 1 not? lam engaged to your 1 fuir cousin." Tom's idea of what happened just then was never very clear. Ho knew that tho Major and he were drinking to the health of Mistress Nancy in the Major's tent ten minutes later, and that ho hoped to bo surrounded by blood-thirsty Mexicans in the night, and utterly wipod out. The next day there was a skirmish, and in tho excitemont a gun was fired so close to ( Tom's face that ho was burned by tho flames about tho eyes, and fell back blind. After that the troops pressed for ward, and Tom was loft groaning be hind. The army moved on, and was victori ous. In a week Tom realized that tho world still possossed light, though it was but u faint glimmer, and then ho was rumbling across tho plain in u rude wagon. Homeward bound! There was little joy in the thought, it scorned so ignominious. What a homo-coming it was—so pitiful to tho strong young man! Ilis sight improved a littlo, and ho could distinguish forms in tho twilight about, but his eyes were kopt bandaged most of tho time, aud in that condition ho loft the train at Pleasant Valley. Who had come to meet him ? A gentle prossuro on his arm, a thrill of joy, and a soft voice whispered, "Tom!" "Yes, Littlo One," he unswored, pas- Bively. "No good." "Tho doctor wrote yesterday from Washington that you would be all right in a few months," sho rejoined; for he had stopped in tho city to bo examined and trcuted. 110 wore a slouch hat pulled down over his face, ho was unshaven, his uniform wus soiled. Ho had been told ull this, but bad said that bo didu't care, which was true —ho didn't. Tho girl saw noth ing of this. She saw the tall man help less in liis ffiisery, and sho wus glad ho could not soe her weep, j "Come, Tom, dear; your mother is waiting in tho carriage," and sho led him I | to her. I Ho said very littlo going homeward, 1 | seated beside his mother, but in the front seat Nancy sat weeping gently, and sho held his hand all tho way, grieved at tho sight, and the first thing that ho did vrhcu lie got homo was to tear off the ] ! bandage, and endeavor to recognize the I ' dour dim form before him. | What sweet calm days wore thoso that followed! lie sat 011 tho piazza while she road to him and talked to him, j asking him ull sorts of questions about .what he had done in the few.weeks' absence. But scarcely did sho refer j tohor affianced lover, and wus so gontlo 1 to him, so good, thut Tom felt almost as though sho had realized his secret. I Little by littlo ho grew better ablo to j bear the light, until 110 could 800 his own way, and then, with the ingratitude of ' man, ho folt sorry that ho must give up the touch of that gentle guiding hand. 1 But he could do nothing yet, and must bo j petted and aniusod as a child, and never j was there sweeter or more unselfish : nurse 111 all tho world. So the summer j days passed on—days that afterwards I hold the memory of warmth und birds and flowers, together with a low voice ull through tlioin. It. was a bright Septeinbor day that the two sat on a hill-side beneath a shady tree. The valley of the Shenandoah stretched before them, with the dim mountains atar off. The Potomac was a silver thread, occasionally lost in a patch of trees, and then running on through a meadow. Tom know the view by heart. He could not see it all, but it was plainly beforo him as ho lay on his back smok ing. As he had told Nancy ouo day. ho felt it all tho time. She sat beside him with a book, reading the poetry sung by some minstrel in tho olden time. Now and then she would stop to luugh at some quaint expression or way of spoiling, ami then, stopping, would explain why she laughed, spelling out tho words as to a child. Meanwhile Tom lay with his eyes closed, blowing the smoke straight up, up, until it seemed to form tho little douds that scudded across tho blue skv. As the afternoon waned, a little colored boy came running out with a lotter " fo' Miss Nancy." She took it anil read, then bent her head a moment und held tho paper out to Tom. "What is it? ,? he asked. "I can't read." She started suddenly. " I forgot," she answered. "Major Ilarton has been killed at Vera Cruz." 'i'om dropped his pipo and rose to his feet. Then lie bent over and took her hands in his. " Poor, poor Little One !" he said, in a voice so full of sympathy that she burst into tears. Ho took a seat on the grass beside her, and tenderly stroked her hair as slis sobbed. "My Little One," ho whispered, "I am awful ly sorry for you." Only tiio silence of the summor after noon. Lifo everywhere and love. Then ho drew her toward him, and laid her head upon his shoulder. "Little One," ho whispered. "Oil, it's so awful!" she sobbed. "Ho —he loved mo so, and was so good, and wont away so happy. I didn't know that I carod for him or not, and I—l—don't know now. I—was so foolish, and I thought at first I loved him, but that was before I know all that lovo meant. I didn't know— really—and I feel so guilty now at having dooeivod him. I didn't mean to—l didn't know. Oh, Tom, will you hate mo for this deceit? I feel so guilty. I have boon so happy this sum mer!" j "Littlo One," was the auswor, softly given, "all things are right as God or ders them. It is all well now." And the eyes that were dimmed to the present saw far into the futuro—happy, loving years to bo.—[Harper's Wookly. An Amiable College President. The late Rev. Dr. Hill, the honored ex-president of Harvard, was once 011 a crowded train with a number of emigrants, and spent his time in making paper dolls for the cross, tired children or a poor emigrant woman, who was overcome with poverty, trouble and the perplex ities of travel. "The Fairfiold (Me.) Journal tolls unothor story, illustrative of his amiability. Soon after 110 camo to Portland canker worms began to annoy the beautiful trees in Stato-st. very much and it was feared that they would bo destroyed. Dr. llill was equal to the emergency, and with all his knowledgo of bugs and worms did not proposo to have the handsome trees in front of his residence destroyed by insignificant can ker wcrms. Accordingly be made a prep aration largely composed of printer's ink and girdled his trees. While thus employed in raiment suitublo for the work a lady suilcd down the street and usked him about the remedy. Sho ex ! plained that the trees about her residence I were injured by the worms and asked him if she could not engage him to treat them. He said ho would if he could get time. She asked him his name and he said "Hill," and after exacting from him a promise to come up and examine the trees, she went home and proudly told her husband what she had done. Ho re cognized the divine by hor description and was appalled—but Dr. "llill" kept his promise, in spite of the mortified ludy's protestatiou; and the trees are alive and thrifty to-day.—[Now York Tribune. A Statue to "Little Mac." The statue in bronzo of General George Brinton McClellan, which is to be unveiled in Philadelphia on Septem ber 17 next, the thirtieth annivorsary of the battle of Antietam, is thus described: "In conception the statue is striking and heroic, resembling closely that of Gen eral Thomas. The steed, modelled after tho spirited animal ridden by 'Littlo Mac' at Antietam, is pausing upon the crest of a gentle hillock. With head and ears erect, eyes and nostrils dilated, it stands trembling, and strains overy muscle as if sniffing tho battle from ufar. Upon tho charger sits tho stern soldier, tho height of contrast to the fiery impu tionco of his steed, tho dingy little urmy cap drawn down over his eyes, tho im mobile profile turned slightly over tho left shoulder, und the calm, firm features buried in that deep thoughtfulness, that impression of latent power and mngiio tism, which won for him tho devotion of all officers, and mudo him tho great or ganizer of tho shattored armies of the Union. The top of tho granite pedestal, from which the steed arises, is 11 feet above tho ground. Its baso is 14 feet long and 8 feet wide, the lowor half of massive granite, tho upper carved with wreaths and martial devices. Tho front will be inscribed simply, 4 General George 11. McClellan,' in luigo letters, lfelow will bo a heavy shield of bronze, resting upon two shoaves of wheat. About the four coruors will hang in mourning effoct largo cords of bronze flowers. A wreath of laurol in bronze upon the rear end encloses the design of an ancient triumphal urch, surmounted jby three embattled turrets. Elaborate j bronzo bas-reliefs, 6x2s feet, will udorn j either side." Learning a Trade. If I had my, way writes Foster Coatee, I would insist that every boy should learn a trade. It was so in tho olden times, and it should be so now. The man who has a trade is a thousand times better oquippod than tho man who lias none. Let overy boy select a trade that best suits his ability, and promises the high est honors and remuneration. When he has mastered bis trade, if ho dislikes it, or it is not profitable, ho can begin to study a profession, or enter upon a com mercial life. If ho should fail in both of these, he is still muster of a good trade somothing that no one can take from him, no matter whai exigencies may arise. The mun who is master of a good trade, jis us independent as a millionaire. He ! need never want; ho can find profitable 1 work in any corner of the world. 1 do , ; not say one word against a professional | career. Hut Ido say emphatically that I the man who bus a trado and a profession j as well, need havo 110 fear of tho futuro. Tho boy who wants to can master u trado i between the years of 16 and 20, and if ho dislikes it, he still has time to study medicine, the law, or any other of tho learned professions. Hut if 110 waits until he is 20, or over, he may not havo an opportunity or feel inclined to leurn I either.—[Ladies' Homo Journal. Co-operate for Water. j To havo running water at house and j barn, on tap at all times for all purposes, j is worth SIOO a year to many farmers. Often by surveying tho naturul advanta i J ges of tho ground some system can be 1 1 devised to accommodate a group of • farmers. The homes of farmors are , often in close proximity, and on about 1 the same level. Such can bo fcrvod by , ono plant of waterworks. The expense j for each farm is thus materially light ; ened. In some places a doop well and a I windmill to fill some adequato tank or I reservoir will be the best plan. In other I places a living stream can be utilized by ' damming it above the point of delivery 1 I and laying pipe. To expend SI,OOO for water looks formidable to most farm ers; for five to boar tho cost is much easier. Even $1(K) put into a good per manent water supply would be a cheap investment for most farms. When ono considors the amount of money spent on overy farm for original outlay and wear and tear in the way of ordinary wells, cis terns, pumps, buckets, otc., and also the time spent and tho inconvenience of pumping and carrying wuter daily in all weathers, it is a wonder that more pipe is not laid and more wator laid under daily tribute 011 farms. The co-operative plan wonld probably solve tho difficulty for a great many farmers. —[New York Trib une. THE JOKER'S BUDGET. JESTS AND YARNS BY FUNNY MEN OF THE DRESS. An Able Doctor —The Terrible Boy —She Felt Relieved —To Be Sneezed At—Always Extended, Etc., Etc. AN ABLE DOCTOR. Mr. Neer—What ought we to do, doc tor, as a community, in ordor to —er —to meet the "grip?" Dr. Blunt—Don't moot it, my dear sir. Avoid it. THE TERRIBLE BOY. Customer—Mr. Spicer, your black tea is just full of dead nios. Grocer—My! my! and I told that boy to put 'em iu tho spice box. —[Rochester Host-Express. RUE FEI.T RELIEVED. Policeman's Hoy (brcathlcssly)-Mother, there's been a big row down town and several officers arc hurt. Policeman's Wifo (excitodly)—Where was it? P. H.—On father's beat. P. W. (with a sigh of relief) —Oh, I'm so glad! Of course, your father wusu't there when it happened? P. B.—No'm.—[Now York Press. TO BE SNEEZED AT. '* Where are you going, iny protty maid?" 11 1 am going to sneeze, kind sir," she said. " Whom aro you sneezing at, my pretty maid?" "I'm going to sneeze—a'chow!—" she said. ALWAYB' EXTENDED. " I'm afraid," sighoil tho mothor, " thutour Charles is getting to be nothing but a fashion plate." "You don't know him," her husband growled. " lie strikes mo more like a contribution plate."—[New York Herald. MODESTY. Scribbler—Wo don't seem to have a good national song in this country. Rimer—No; a good national song is one of tho hardest things to write. None but a truo poet can write u good national song. It requires a union of grandeur and simplicity which only the heaven inspired bard can achieve. I'm thinking of writing 0110 myself one of these days. A CASE FOR ARIJITRATION. "What makes you look so down in the mouth thoso days, Glumrn? " "Well, to tell the truth, I make 110 progress with Miss Icelv at all." "She doesn't warm any toward you? " "No; she's as cold ns an iceberg." "I see. You've got a sort of chilly un iffair on your hands." —[Now York Press. AN IMPROBABLE EXPLANATION. Mr. Oldboy—Don't you go around and :ell everybody that I look as old as ; yiothuselah? " Charlie Knickerbokcr —Yes,but I moan ;hat you look liko Methuselah when he vas a young buck. —[Texas Siftings. A MISTAKEN ESTIMATE. Clarissa—He kissed you, did ho? Ethel—Yes. C.—Then you were mistaken in your istimate of him, after all. E. —How so? C.—Why, you said the other night that IO wus a man of excellent taste. —[New York Press. ONEROUS. "My correspondence is woally getting JO great," said Peggie,"that I shall have ;o get a pwivato secwetawy. 1 weally had to write two postal cards last week." PRESS TIIE SUIT. Chappie—Do you wish me to under stand that it is useless to press this suit ? Jennie—Oh, no. With a little work on the knees it might do for several proposals yet. HOW TO SEE BEAR. Sportsman—Are there many bears in these woods? Maine Man—Thousands. Sportsman—Well, I've been hunting for boar six weeks now, and haven't seen one yet. " Would yo liko to see some—a hun dred or so ?" " Indeed I would." "Stop huntiu' an' go fishin'."—[Now York Weekly. DISRESPECT THAT DOESN'T COUNT. "It is strange how disrespectfully a woman will speak of her husband. Mrs. Loverly called her husband a poor fool the other day." "Oh, impossible! She just adores him." "It is a fact. She was speaking of their courtship and she said : ' John was just broaking his heart thinking he would nevor get me, and I was in love with the poor fool ull the time.' " UPS AND DOWNS OP LIFE. Mrs. Firsttloor (Do Fashion Flats) — Oh, Mrs. Socondlloor, is it true your son has murriod abovo him? Mrs. SecondHoor (weeping)— 800, hoo! We're all disgraced, lie's mar ried—boo, boo!—a tifth-floorer.—[New York Weekly. ANTHRACITE. When outside the door the keen wind doth blow, And the mercury 'way downward runs, llow pleasant to sit for the coals' ruddy glow At ten dollars a couple of tons!—[Puck. WANTED A GRADUATE. Farmer Meddorgrass—Bo you u lawyer, sir? Blackstone (with dignity)—l am prac tising law, sir. Meddorgrass (moving away)—l thought mebbe you'd got the trade larnod. I'll go to somebody else. [Epoch. SERVED. "Look hero! I've been waiting quito fifteen minutes." "That's nothing! I've been waiting hero for the last two years, and I ain't worrying about it, either."—[Comic. APPEARANCES DECEPTIVE. "You look as if you needed anti-fat worse than you need charity," ho said to the portly mendicant who had stopped him on tho street. "That's all right," replied the corpu lent applicant for alms. "I may seem to bo a fat man, but I'm really very much reduced. Think you could spare ine K) cents, cap'n?"—[Chicago Trib une. HER riioToc.KARN. He said without her photograph lie roally couldn't live, And asked for it; she with a laugh Gave him her negative. THE WORM TURNED AT LAST. Mr. Gettup (of the firm of Gottup & Howell) —Where in thunder is that worth less office boy? Have you sent him any where • Mr. jtfnwell—Yes, confound him! I've just sent him out to hunt another job.— [Chicago Tribune. AN APPROPRIATE QUERY. Lono Benedict —I am completely lost since my wife went on a visit to her mother. friend—Then it is quite in order to ask you how you find yourself these days. GOOD REASON FOR IT. "Heis a very little man, isn't he?" "There is good reason for it." "How?" "His wifo cuts him short every time ho attempts to say anything." NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE. "What is the difference botwoon a poet and a plumber?" "Tho poet pipes the lav, but the plumber luys tho pipe."—[Life. HELP FROM THE CLOUDS. Bell Boy (excitedly to hotel clerk)— Lightning has struck through in to 499, sir. Clerk—ls 499 hurt? Bell Boy—No. sir. He's all right. Clerk (to bookkeeper)— Charge 499 $2 for extra heat.—[Lifo. THE JOCOSITY OF A MISSOURI JUDGE. " A man can accomplish a great deal," said the Missouri judge, "if he only has time—therefore, I give you four years." —[Columbus Post. AN IRRESISTIBLE TEMPTATION. " So you're friends again?" " Dear me, it was only the other day I heard him say he would never speak to you again as long as ho lived." " Yes, I know he said that, but when I met him and told him I had a bad cold ho at once stopped and gave mo a sure cure for it, and the past was forgotten." ROTH MARRIED FOR MONEY. She—Was it a mercenary marriage? Ho—Yes. They were both too poor to stay engaged any longer.—[Lifo. CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE LACKING. Excited Stranger—Say! I lost a twenty-dollar gold pioco along here somewhere. You haven't seen it, have you? Hungry lliggins—Do I look like I'd fell dead lately? MEETING AN EMERGENCY. Featherstono—l wonder whore those trousers are that I ordered? Ringway—Why, I thought you said that you couldn't uftord uny more clothes! Featherstono—l couldn't. But I got a new tailor.—[Clothier and Furnisher. A NATURAL PREFERENCE. "I don't believe in thoso business booms," said tho Cautious Merchant. "In my lino I prefer to depend on a healthy growth." "What is your lino?" asked tho In. quisitive Man. "I deal in children's clothing." BOYIBH PLEASURE. "Why do you not eat your orange, Tommy?" "I'm waiting till Johnny Briggs comes nlong. Granges taste much better when there's soino other little boy to watch you eat 'em." —[Tid-Bits. James K. Polk. James K. Folk, the eleventh president, was born in North Carolina, in tho Meck lenburg Country. He was of Scotch-Irish descent, and from a people so bitterly opposed to tho English in tho Revolution that tho Mecklenburg Country was call ed tho "Hornet's Nest." In tho "Hor net's Nest" ho was born, and was tho oldest of ten children. The Folks were poor, honest hard-working people. After receiving a fair English education, James was put in u country store to learn merchandising. lio disliked business and succeeded in studying for a profess ion. His character in after life was in dicated by his conduct in the University of North Carolina, where he never once inissod a recitation or omitted the slight est duty, lie studied law and soon rose to tho front row in bis profession. In August,lß2s, Mr. Folk, then thirty years of age, was chosen to the Federal con gress, and was there distinguished as a Democratic Republican of the strictest sect. He served faithfully in congress for fourteen years, and then he declined re-election, yet the same year was made Governor of Tennessee by a large majority. in 1815 ho was chosen President and his administration was a brilliant but stormy one. It included tho war with Mexico, tho Oregon boundary question and the finding of gold in California, lie was not re-elected, and died at his residence three months after his suc cessor's inauguration.—[Detroit Free Press. Metals Get Tired. Tho question as to the fatigue of metals under long-continued stress hus recently been testod, and, it is believed, satisfactorily sottlcd, in tho treatment of two similar suspension bridge links, and tho results obtained. A square iron link, twelve inches wide, one inch thick and about twelve foot long, was taken from a bridge at Kictt', Russia, then about forty years old, and tested against a similar link which had lain unused in store over since tho building of tho bridge. Under these circumstances, the means of comparison were considered in tho highest degree favorable, and tho result necossarily of a reliable character in determining whether or not iron actually loses, and to what extent, any of its strength in pro longed service. The effect of tho test showed for tho old used link an ultimate tensile strength of 21.8 tons por square inch, an elastic limit of 11.1 tons per square inch, an elongation of 14.5 per cent, and a contraction of 17.35 per cent, at tho point of fracture. In the case of tho unused link, tho tensile strength was found to bo 22.2 tons por squaro inch, with an elastic limit of 11.9 tons, and un elongation and contraction at fracture of 18.42 per cent, and 18.75 per cent, res pectively. From this it appears, thoro foro, that tho pieces of iron wore of practically identical strength—tho small difference actually observed being well within tho ordinary range of variability of similar pieces of such metal.—[New Orleans Picayune. NOTES AND COMMENTS. ALL but nine States out of the forty nine in tho United States now make scien tific temperance education compulsory in their common schools. There are between 12,000,000 and 13,000.000 children in America to whom it is required that this instruction bo given. THE Duke of Marlborough, who married un American lady and therefore ou ght to know, says: " The American woman has a natural quickness for ap preciating the characters of the men around her. She takes infinitely more trouble and in some respects manifests greater interest all round than English women display. The bright, cheery girl remains a gay and carefully dressed married woman, who is always trying to s show herself oft' quietly, but to the best ■ advantage (and she understands the art perfectly) among ull classes of pooplo. Iho tendency to nagging and gossip,, mongcring of an ill-natured character, is rarer in that country than in England." A WELL-KNOWN ichthyophagist, O. A.' Grimm, of Moscow, proposed some time ago in an article of food for the famished peasants the hamza, a nutritious sort of anchovy which abounds in the Blaok Sea. At present the hamza is utilized, only by one firm of Tiftis, which trans ports it to Constantinople at a grtrnt profit. The Society of tho Red Cross has appointed a commission to inquire into the methods of fishing and drying tho hamza. If the commission finds that the preparation of the fish for shipment and healthy food can be had at a low cost, measures will forthwith be taken to follow the suggestion of M. Grimm. SOME interesting and rather surprising statistics on the use of the telephone in. European countries have been collected. * In London, the gratcst commercial city of the world, only 1.5 persons in 1,000 use tho telephono. The telephone is used most in countries where the per vioo is owned or controlled by the State. In Germany, Switzerland, Norway and Sweden from 100 to 400 porsons in every 100,000 of the population are subscribers. In Great Britain only 58 persons in 100, 000 use the telephone. In Berlin 11, and in Paris 4.2 out of overy 1,000 in habitants use the tclephome. 1 HE purchaso of Alaska has already provod to bo a pretty good speculation, goods being exported from that country last year to tho value of over $1,000,000 in excess to tho price paid to Russia for tho territory, and tho resources of the country seem to bo far from fully known yet. n pL De llass, who has just re turned to Tacoma from a two years' min ing tour in Alaska, says that a very profi table business in canning wild geese and ducks could bo established and car- * ried on at the mouth of tho Yukon River. These birds, he says, gather there in immense numbers in tho spring. ONE of Bismarck's amusements is pis tol practice, of which he is fond, and at which in his youth he was expert. Tho range at Friudrichsruh is across a small lake, perhaps a hundred yards in diame ter, and tho Iron Chancellor's hund is still steady enough for him to burk a squirrel occasionally. A recent visitor to Fricdrichsruh says that the fallen Minister, contrary to popular bolief, is a man of great personal magnetism. Ho fascinates his guests, and when they de part, it is us if they were under tho spoil of a magician. The Prince's home-life is delightful, and when his son, Count Herbert, and his daughter, Countess Rantzan, are present, tho family gather ing is most goniul. THE Emperor of Japan, to whose sa gacity the rapid progress mado by the .4$ Land of tho Rising Sun is largely duo, is thirty-nine years of ago. Born in 1852, Mutsu Hito susceeded his father in 1867, and was crownod in 1868; a year later he married the Princess Harn ko. The Emperor is tho 121 st of his race who has ruled tho country. Ho is a great believer in Western civilization, and in 1889, he freely granted a consti tution tho people, whose representatives met for tho first time in the auiumn of last year. Both the Mikado and his con sort aro popular, and European travelers to Japan invariably speak in the liighost terms of them. A MINE manager in Novada claims to have invented a gun of remarkably rapid bring capacity, the implement having a Winchester barrel and stock, with a 15- repeating magazine in the stock. It is a trifle heavier than the ordinary Winches ter, but its great feature, as claimod, is that the whole fifteen shots may bo fired in one second, a statement which has been fully reulized in practice. The shells ure thrown out, and at tho end of the 'firing the gun is as clean as though only a single cartridge had been explo ded. It is stated thut an instantaneous photograph was taken of tho gun in ac tion, and, while tho exposure was made, five shells were in tho air tossed out by tho inconceivably rapid working of tho gun. As described, tho weapon is one of extrome simplicity. All that tho man who does tho shooting has to do is to fill tho chambers with cartridges, cock the gun and pull tho trigger as many times us he means to shoot. Tho gun is accu rate at short or long range. STATISTICS of fruit shipments tho past year show that California has produced a more valuable crop of fruits and vege tables than in any previous year. Of orangeß, no less than 30,000,000 pounds wore shipped, whilo tho total shipments of other green fruits amounted to 78,000,- 000 pounds. Dried fruit shipments reached tho enormous figures of 72,000,- 000 pounds. Raisins furnished 47,000,- 000 pounds ugainst 37,000,000 last year. Of canned goods, this year's shipments were 78,000,000 pounds, against, 49,- 000,000 last year. In everything except wine and sultnon there has been great in crease in shipments, showing that tho year is one of the most successful ever known for farmer and fruit-grower. Stock is being rapidly tukon in the Cape Horn Steamship Lino, started by iner cnants in order to secure lower freight rates from the East. It is expected that tho first steamer will bo ready by next Septembor. Most of the vessels will be built in New York. Experts have esti mated that the traffic between San Fran cisco and South American ports will pay all expenses, thus enabling tho company to give low through rates between New York and this city. Windows Kept Clean of Frost. The best and only way to keep the store windows clear of frost is to cut a space through the window frame at the bottom and another at the top of the windows that front on tho street. Then close up tho back of the window from the store proper. In this way you keep a current of cold air circulating inside of the show window, making the interior of your display window the same tempe rature as the street all tho time. r llio cold air constantly passes in and out. keeping the glass just as cold insido as it is on the outside.—Detroit Free Frees.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers