A MELAWCHOLY JOLLY TALE.
t BY IUY RICHMOND.
I once knew * fellow BO jolly
The glrlß they all oalled him "Oh, Cholly,
Yon do look so Bweot,
With your No. 2 feet,
That we love you more than our dolly."
I once knew a girl melancholy.
""he boys all called her "Poor Dolly l
Pht* has No. 10 foot,
Which aren't half so sweet
As those of dear, charmiug Cholly."
A dog once yielded to folly,
And barked at a belligerent Polly,
Who jumped on his head,
Laid him out very dead
And croaked, "Oh, wasn't it jolly."
DUBUQUE, lowa.
AN EXED-DETECTIYE.
BY mviGHT BALDWIN.
IA ]\l nn amateur ex
detective.
Upon referring to
"The Young Lady's
Friend and Easy
Le 11 e r-W rite r,
which I keep con
stantly at hand, I
learn that "ex-ama
teur detective" i s
the better form.
Anyway, I am so completely and
Overwhelmingly exed that y z occur
rence didn't cross me off the books oi
life I can't explain.
A man of independent fortune
largely independent of me—l indulged,
to the slopping-over point, my passion
•BEGAN CUTTING AND HEWING AT AN OBJECT.'
for detective novels, and finally startec
out iu tho rolo of a second Monsieui
Lecoq.
I met with some success, too. 1
was three times beaten by dariug
Criminals whom X was "shadowing,'
and twice jailed for impersonating an
officer.
Emboldened by these evidences oi
my genius, and horrified by the awful
Cronin murder, I sold out my luneL
route and started in quest of "Coonoy
the Eox."
I was returning Chicagoward with
a whole bundle of clews in my
claws, when, at a railway lunch-room,
I sighted my man.
I knew him by his gleaming eye,
cruel mouth and crafty brow. Besides,
be was swinging round his head a
hatcliet, or rather a small ax, that,
with true Gaborinuan shrewdness, 1
determined was the very weapon with
which tho fatal blow had been struck.
"All aboard!" shouted the conductor,
at that moment entering the room.
Cooney flourished his ax, and pointed
to a legend on the wall to the effect
that the train stopped ten minutes for
refreshments.
"I'M A CONDUCTOR, AND WANT MT DDKS."
"Time's up! All aboard!" was the
reply.
"Give mo a stop-over check, then."
With a scowl, the conductor com
plied.
"Hopes to throw me off tho scent,"
I muttered. "I'll stop over myself."
More fortunate than the murderer,
I did not have to secure a stop-over.
I had been stopping over the con
ductor himself, all night; in other
words, had been riding on tho roof of
one of the cars.
As the train pulled out the Fox
pushed his sinull traveling grip well
back to give him freedom of motion,
advanced to the counter and began
cutting and hewing at an object having
the outward semblance of a pie.
"Stop!" pleaded the proprietor.
"You'll ruin my countor and break ray
heart."
"Not if it's as hard as this pie," re
plied Cooney, with one of his well
known sly glances and mysterious
But this last was soon transferred to
the face of the proprietor, for at the
very next blow the ax broke in twain,
leaving the pie master of the situation.
For three hours I shadowed my man
with the lynx-eyed vision, cat-like
tread and sleuth-hound nose of the
ideal detective of the books.
It was dark when the Chicago train
arrived, and I boldly followed Master
Itevnard into the coach.
The conductor was obdurate.
"Get off at the next station," said he.
"I'm a detective, and hero aro my
clews."
"I'm a conductor, and want my dues."
Then I had hope. A poet must pos
sess a tender heart. So I replied:
"They're at the real basiness, not
courting the muse."
"They" referred to a couple, newly
married, I hope, who, wrapped carefully
around each other, were engaged is
■LEAPED EXCIJEDLY TO HIS FEET.*
passing to and fro a well-worn yet
loud-voiced kiss.
The tieket-taker smiled, listened to
what I had to any about Cooney, and
passed out to find some cash customers.
Arriving at the fair city—World's
Fair—the red-handed murderer hast
ened to board a North Side cable-car.
With no friend but my elieek, and
no fortune but an umbrella that I had
found on the train and reluctantly
appropriated, I followed suit.
I came within an ace of being put I
off, but a mysterious "hist" and a dis- I
play of my tin star caused the agent of
the bloated monopoly to leave me in
peace.
At Lincoln Park Cooney left tbe car
and entered a large stone-front house.
"He has come to wring gold from his
rich employer," I sagaciously decided.
Having nothing else to do, I watched,
or rather shadowed, tho house all
night.
"FOBCED MI- INTO THE PATBOD-WAGON.*
About nine o'clock in tho morning
the fugitive from justice emerged.
So completely was he metamor
phosed, as they say in tho books, that
it made my head ache to recognize
him, and a man with loss mansard
roof to his forehead, though far greatei
pecuniary resources, would have lot
him pass unchallenged.
So did I, for that matter, hut I was
at great pains not to lose sight of him.
His low-crowned linen hat and long
duster had given place to a high silk
tilo and broadcloth coat, whilo his legs
were engaged in a pair of shapely,
light-colored trousers.
Pausing in his walk, he seated him
self upon a rustic bench, behind which
was a bracket and a board sign, "Look
out for paint!"
Whether it was the pongs of his
guilty conscience or tho odor of the
lead and oil, I shall never know, but
he soon leaped excitedly to his feet,
caught up liis coat-tails, and looked
searcliingly behind him.
A successful detective should have
no sense of the ludicrous. I havo, and
that it was that ruined me.
The two dark bars on the abaft por
tion of the Fox's light trousers sug
gested the grating of the lock-up to
which I was soon to consign him, and I
laughed aloud.
With a scowl he turned upon me.
Then, realizing that tho bars were
down and the jig up, I told him he was
my prisoner.
11l ten minutes I had brought him to
Clark street and summoned a patrol
wagon.
"This is Cooney, the Fox," said I,
when the conveyance arrived.
Then the three officers began to
laugh like fiends.
"And who bez ye?" demanded tho
leader of the gang.
"The unraveler of the great Cronin
mystery ; the original and only "
"Fraud!" shrieked the copper, as he
tore opon mv coat and removed my
home-made star.
Then they said something, I don't
"IN MY omaias aunn.' '
know what, to Cooney, forced me into
tho patrol wagon and dashod back to
the station.
No one appearing to prosecute the
case, I was dismissed with a severs
reorimand
In my cheerless chamber, by the
light of a tallow-dip—owing to my
temporary absence the gas has been
cut off—l write this account of my ex
tinguishment.
Did I not expect to retrieve myseli
in tho world of letters, I would take
the boot which stands beside me and
dash out my brains.
They said that the man I shadowed
and arrested was—but I'll-not men
tion his name. He is a prominent
judge and one of the best known men
in Chicago.
But they lied, the villains, they
lied!
In the meantime I am exed.
And they might write the twenty
fourth letter of the alphabet before the
names of a number of real deteotives
without doing much harm.
Miserly.
"You can always tell a man by the
company ho keeps."
"How about Driggs, tho miser? He
has no associates or friends."
"Oh, yon can tell him by the money
he keeps."— Chicago Ledger.
LAWYEIIS are men who work with s
will. Doctors often put them in the !
way of it.
PRACTICAL SCIENCE.
A BUDGET OF INTERESTING INFOR
MATION.
A Good Word for (lie Much-Abuaed Milk
weed—How to Ascertain the Speed of H
Railway Train—To Obtain a Light With
out Matches.
BY PROF. J. F. ELSOtf.
A Good Word for the Milkweed.
The poorly growing and much des
pised milkweed will soon lift up its
drooping head and take a front place
among the profitable plants of the
world. Its seed yields an abundance of
oil, which analysis shows to he finer
than linseed oil. A gum can be pro
duced from the plant juices that
rivals India rubber in strength and
elasticity; its floss when spun is liner
than the finest Irish poplin, which it
closely resembles, and its stalk, leaves,
and bark, manufactured into pulp by
means of sulphur and boiling in alka
lies, yields a fine parchment-like pa
per. Chemistry is rapidly showing the
reasonableness and efficacy of the
claim of the patriarchs that "nothing
has been made in vain."
To Ascertain the Speed of a Train.
Everyone who has ridden on the
cars has wondered often how fast the
train was running, and often an entire
coach-load of passengers will manifest
a great interest in the rate of speed
the train is making. There are three
ways of getting at this with tolerable
accuracy. The first is to watch for the
passage of the train by the largo white
mile-posts with black figures oil tliem,
thou divide three thousand six hun
dred by tho time in seconds between
posts. The result is the speed in miles
per hour. Again, when by reason of
darkness, or other causes, the
above is impossible, listen atten
tively until the ear distinguishes
distinctly the click, click, cliok of the
car wheel as it passes over tho rail
joint. The number of clicks on one
side of the car in twenty seconds is the
speed in miles per hour, where the
rails are thirty feet in length, which is
generally the case. Finally, count the
number of telegraph poles passed iu
two minutes, if there are four or five
wires to a pole, and iu two minutes and
twenty seconds if there are only two
lines per pole; the number of poles
passed is the number of miles per hour
the train is traveling.
Light Without Match***.
To obtain light instantly without the
use of matches, and obviating the dan
ger of setting tilings on fire, take an
oblong vial of the clearest glass, put
into it a piece of phosphorus the
size of a pea, upon this pour some of
tho purest cotton-seed oil, heated to
100 deg. centigrade, filling tho vial
about one-third full, then cork tightly.
To use it, remove the cork and allow a
little air to enter the vial, then reeork
it. The whole empty space in the
liottle will thou become luminous, and,
if the bottle is clear and the solution
made properly, the light obtained
will nearly if not quite equal that of
an ordinary lamp. As soon as the
light grows dim, its brilliancy can be
at one restored by reopening the bottle
and allowing a fresh supply of air to
enter. In cold weather it may be nec
essary sometimes to warm the bottle
by holding it between the hands to in
creast the fluidity of the oil. Thus
prepnred, the bottle is good for six
months. The same contrivance is used
by the watchmen of Palis in all maga
zines where explosive or inflammable
materials are stored.
Food and l'oison.
What is food for ono may be poison |
for another. This is well exemplified
iu watching somo of the natural provi
sious and characteristic peculiarities ol
certain forms of insect life. Take, foi
instance, the ease of the spider and the
boo. In my conservatory window one
of each was seen on a blossom, eael
eagerly seeking for something. Aftei
they had worked diligently for a few
minutes, during which time they met
and passed often, the one seemingly
found abundant, pasturuge on tho spot
vacated by the other. As they were
passing away, apparently fillod, they
were caught, chloroformed, and chem
ically examined. As expected, the bee
contained nothing but lioney, pollen,
etc., the usual fruits of the worker's
life; the spider, ou the other hand,
showed a stomach perfectly empty, and
evidently was going in search of food
when leaving tho blossom upon wlxiot
it and the honey-bee had appar
ently been feeding. More intricate
examination being made, an alkaloid,
and one of the most energetic poisom
known, was found in a receptacle,
which was filled to repletion. Botl
these insects—one in search of honey,
the other of poison—fed on the same
ilower, found what they sought, and
turned away satisfied—a peculiar trans
formation, and both substances ob
tained by nearly tho same process,
from the same petal. A moral should
adorn this truth. Like the two insecte
are many persous. For instance, twe
persons will look at another porson tc
whom both aro strangers. One wil. :
see all that is good and ennobling, !
beautiful and attractive; while the |
other will see nothing but what is bad
and degrading, hideous and repulsive.
Both feed the imagination on one per
son ; each seeks his or her propensity,
finds w hat is wanted, and returns sat
isfied. lteador, which one art thou?
Still Waiting.
A sad reminder of the great blizzard
of two years ago, says a New York let
ter to the Baltimore American, is the
mental condition of a man living in the
I fashionable part of Lexington avenue,
| not far from Thirty-seventh street.
This man had an only son, who weni
| out in a lioat the day beforo the bliz
zard cauie, for a sail down the bay.
The boat was never heard of after that,
and the young man probably was lost.
Yet the father did not lose hope. Day
after day he waited for nows of his
son's rescue. He hoped that some ves
sel had picked the little boat up or by
some other moans the boy's life was
saved.
The body not having been found the
man could not believe the hoy dead.
For weeks ho waited to hear some news,
but none came. Under the load ol
grief his mind almost gave way, and to
this day the old man, whose mind is al
most a wreck, expects at tho least noise
in the block to hear that his son has
been found.
If there is a sonnd of hurrying feet
on tho pavement outside he will got up
to see if there is not a messenger boy
coming with news from his son. All
through the night he awakes at the
slightest noise, and his first inquiry is
whether the news of his BOU'S resoue
has come.
This has continued for two_ years.
The facts In tfie case were told" by a
policeman, who a few evenings ago
saw two men standing in front of the
house at a late hour and requested
them not to talk in a loud voice, lest
they arouse the old man and start him
to the door for the news which he has
awaited so long.
A Famous Ohio Poet.
Captain George W. Cutter, author
of "The Song of Steam," "E Pluribus
Unum," "Never, Never!" and many
other bold and stirring hymns, was
born in Kentucky, though much of his
life was spent in Cincinnati. He was
a gallant soldier in the Mexican war,
an eloquent and learned barrister and
a most entertaining companion. For
charm of conception, clioiceness of ex
pression and vigorous language some
of his poems will rank with anything
in our language. But he was a victim
of intemperance.
His poems, "Never, Never!" and "E
Pluribus Unum" were set to music
during our civil war, and sung every
where in the North, with the most in
spiring effect. Probably no song ever
thrilled a nation to a greater extent
than that of "E Pluribus Unum." 1
remember once during the war hearing
it sung in Cincinnati by a choir of 200 i
voices at a patriotic meeting of some
ten thousand persons in a grove, and
can never forget the grand effect on
the audience, as each singer, with a
flag raised in his hand, sang with thrill
ing effect the last verse:
Then up with our flag! Let it stream in tho air,
Though our fathers are cold in their graves ;
Tney had hands that could strike, they had aoula
that could dare,
And they were not born to be fllavea.
Up! up ! with that banner, where'er it may call,
Our millione shall rally around ;
And a nation of freemen that moment Khali fall,
When its stars Hhall be trailed on tho ground.
A few nights afterward I was sent
for to see a person in the Btation-house
in my city. I went, and found there
the author of "E Pluribus Unum," pale
and trembling from the effects of a
terrible debauch, covered with tilth
and his clothes almost torn off him. I
spoke kindly to him, told him how that
vast audience, but a day or two ago,
had been inspired to patriotic duty by
his songs. Ho clasped his hands to his
eyes and exclaimed: "Great God!
what a wreck I have made of myself!"
bent over me and wept like a child,
promising by all that was sacred that
lie would reform.
With the aid of some friends he was
taken out and cared for in away his
pitiful condition demanded. New
clothes were obtained, a pleasant
boarding house found, and for a few
weeks ho was himself again, endeavor
ing to establish himself again in his
profession. Hut, alas! the chain of
appetite was too strong—it shortly
dragged him down to his grave.—
Texas Sittings.
Count Fist-iii-thc-l'nee.
The death of the Count of PunonroA
tro, a Spanish nobleman, recalls a sin
gular story of the past. Tho Emperor
Charles V. was hunting one day—so
the story goes—which is very iikely
founded upon an actual occurrence, but
in its details may have been modern
ized in the long time which has elapsed
-—-with one of his body-guard at his
side. Charles was a redoubtable hunt
er, and so was the guard. Presently a
partridge passed, quite high over their
heads. Both sportsmen fired at the
same time, and the bird fell. It was
brought by the Emperor's servants.
"Which one of us, do you think," said
Charles, "killed this partridge?"
"It was I," said the guard.
"Thou liest, scoundrel," said the
Emperor.
Ho had hardly spoken when the
guard struck him so severe a blow in
the face that he could hardly keep his
feet.
Charles' first movement was to point
his gun straight at the audacious
guard, and pull the trigger, but the
weapon had just been discharged, and
had not been reloaded.
While the Emperor was reloading he
decided that he would not shoot the
guard on the spot. He sent him tc
prison instead, with orders to prepare
for his execution.
"Your fault is tho greater," said the
Emperor, "because there was doubt ,
whether thou didst reallv kill the
bird."
"There is no doubt, sire, in my mind/
said the guard. "Will you permit me ;
to seo the bird ?"
Tho partridge was brought, and the
guard showed tho Emperor that it had
been killed with a ball from his rifle.
The Emperor had been using bird-shot
all day.
The Emperor felt a little remorse at
this, but did not countermand his or
der for the guard's death; but at the
last moment he had the man brought
before him.
"Dost thou repent of striking me?"
"No, sire," said the guard. "If I had
a thousand lives, and your Majesty
should tell me a thousand times, with
out rcA64n, that I lied, a thousand
times would I put my fist in your face
\mi puno en el rostro), and a'thousand
times would I go calmly to the block."
The Emperor sat pensively for some
time revolving the matter in his mind.
The words mi puno en el rostro ran- 1
kled in his mind, but presently he said,
l 'My reign has need of such men as
you, after all. I wish there were a
thousand like you! Live, and bo
known lierafter as the Count of Punon
rostro!"
The Count became the most devoted
-Jf Charles' vassals, and his family has
survived to this day.— Youth's Com- j
pan ion.
Didn't Like Them.
"Been to Alaska?"
"Yes."
"Like the people?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Too* cold and distant." Chicago
Ledger.
Solid.
Mrs. Slimdiet (to new boarder) —
That is poundcake, Mr. Starver.
New boarder (carefully hefting a
piece)— What did you pound it with?
A MARINE alga is found in the
Arctic regions growing at a tempera
ture far below zero, while at the higher
temperatures tho spores disappear.
I rom this fact it appears that some
vegetable lifo roquires for its existence
intense cold and continuous dryness,
and to that class tho cryptogams of red
snow probably belong.
A CURIOUS fact is noticed in connec
tion with the formation of barnacles on
the ships' bottoms. In the majority of
cases there is a much heavier growth
of grass or barnacles on one side than
the other, and in numerous instances
one sido will be almost entirely free
from marine growths, while the other
is as foul as possible.
TIIE FIRST HACKNEY COACH.
raptain Daily*® Nuoeeßful Experiment.
>. URING the month oI
f April, 1639, one Mr. Gar-
Yjkrard, or "Gossip Garrard"
L /las he was commonly
I W called, wrote a letter from
London to the Earl of
Jjfjl /Straford, the Lord Lieu
/ tenant of Ireland, in
I-JJT \ which he said: "I can-
J not omit to mention any
f II I 1 Dew thing that comes up
J I among us, though never
T* J I 80 trivial. Here is one
I Captain Baily; he hath
I I Hi been a sea captain, but
I I (£\WV now lives on the land
IHI y\ about this city, where he
II K J tries experiments. He
11 hath erected, according
u g-n to his ability, some four
_ U hackney-coaches, put his
a JI3 . men Bvery, and ap
g=l' fgM™ pointed them to stand at
ifflll'lflll Maypole in the
villi] Strand, giving them in
structions at what rate to carry men
into several parts of the town, where
all day they may be had. Other liack
ney-men seeing this way, flocked to the
same place, and performed their jour
neys at the same rate; so that some
times there is twenty of them together,
which disperse up and down, that they
and others are to be had everywhere,
as watermen are to be had at the water
side. Everybody is much pleased with
it, for, whereas, before coaches could
not be had but at great rates now a
man may have one much cheaper."
Garrard was mistaken about the uni
versal popularity of the Hcheme, for it
is on record that many of the trades
men protested against it. They said
that when ladies and gentlemen walked
the streets they had time to stop and
| make purchases, but now they were
I whisked by in hackney-coaches they
j did not have either a chanco to inspect
i the goods or buy them. Lodging
' house keepers on the principal streets
also complained that the noise made
I by the new vehicles drove their tenants
! to seek quieter quarters elsewhere.
Attention and Memory.
; A good memory is so very useful and
desirable a thing that persons who
i profess to teach artificial systems of
I memorizing easily obtain attention and
j profitable patronage; but there is
really no such thing as an "artificial
; memory," nor even as an artificially
assisted memory. Many peojile would
' undoubtedly have better memories
; than they now have if, in their youth,
I or in their past life, they had under
stood the simple physiological princi
i pies upon which the memory is
| founded.
The most important part of the mem-
I orv is the stowing away of things, nol
the bringing of them forth again; and
if people are careful during the period
of life which is chielly occupied in
stowing away things to do this work
with attention and thoroughness, and
if they are able in after life to keep
themselves in a fairly good state of
health and vigor, they are not iikely to ,
be troubled with poor memory.
The first and most important element
of memory is the taking of an impres
sion in such away that it is likely to
be retained; the more sharp and vivid
this impression is made, the more per
manent it is likely to be.
Attention in taking in what we wish
to learn, then, is the secret of remem
bering it afterward.
Plenty of people who have very "poor
memories," as the term is used, remem
ber certain things with great vivid
ness. Their deficiency is not so much
that they cannot remember as that they
cannot remember the right things.
"I can recall," said a gentleman not
long ago, "the exact outward appear
ance of my old brown-covercd algebra
on the day that the teachor took it out
of my hand and hit me on the side of
the head with it. I can remember that
I had cut a triangular piece out of the
leather at the lower right-hand corner
of the front cover, and that the back
cover was loosened half way up; but
not one single thiug that was between
the covers of that book remains with
me at this time."
The explanation of this familiar phe
nomenon undoubtedly lies partly ir
the fact that the boy was much inter
ested in the circumstances atteudirg
the cutting which ho received, and tin
implement with which it was inflicted,
but ho was never interested at all in
the contents of the algebra.
It was in obedience to this principle
that the custom arose in England—o
custom continuing down to within the
present century—of fixing and preserv
ing a general knowledge of metes and
bounds by whipping boys close by
them.
Whenever a stake or a stone wa*
placed to mark the boundary between
towns or estates, and also at more oi
less regular intervals afterward, seve
ral bovs wero taken to the spot and
soundly beaten, their attention being
meantime constantly directed to the
boundary mark. It was believed that
the boy so punished never forgot where
the stake or Htone was, and his testi
mony concerning it was always accept
ed in default of better evidence.
To be thoroughly interested, indeed,
is the surest way of implanting facts oi
words in the memory, and it is always
within the power of the young, and oi
those more advanced in years as well,
by paying patient, willing and intelli
gent attention to what they are reading
or studying, to keep its essential feat
ures in mind through life.
Noxious Moonlight.
The injurious effect of moonlight is
almost a übiquitous belief, and, though
an erroneous one in its literal sense, is
founded upon experience which makes
it probable that moonlight nights often
coincide with atmospheric conditions
that exercise a noxious upon
day creatures, especially men, pigeons
and horses.
If the children of the Yucatan In
dians are playing outdoors in the even
ing, their parents are sure to drive
them iu as soon as the moon rises, lest
it should make them night-e t yed and
unfit for day labor. For similar rea
sons the Frencli-Turcos screen their
eyes with the friuge of their turbans
during a moonlicrht march, and most
sailors on a man-of-war endure the
effluvia of a cock-pit, even in the trop
ics, rather than sleep on deck where
the moon might shine upon their
eyelids.
The Neapolitan beggars, who roam
bare-headed through the streets in the
glare of the noontide sun, are all pro
vided with little bags which they draw
over their scalps like nightcaps, while
they sleep on an open porch or among
the ruins of the Pelazzo Vecchia. for
fear that the moonlight should make
them gray-liaired, and the mountain
eers of the Jura go so far as to ascribe
their eroitres to the poor satellite.
Mile same origin naa, probably, tne
frightful stories wliich the Greeks used
to tell about their goddess, Hecate
(one of the dozen appellations of the
moon), who made the dogs howl if she
entered a village upon her nocturnal
rambles, poisoned crops that crossed
her path, blighted flowers and petrified
men and animals that met her ice-cold
optic.
It is almost certain that the moon is
as innocent of the cause of somnambu
lism as of lunacy, but there is no doubt
but that, even in summer time, the air
of a chilly, moonlight night does not
agree with a majority of men; and army
officers know that two or three night
expeditions exhaust veterans and old
calvary horses that couldn't be knocked
out by a dozen forced day marches in
the hottest time of the dog-day season.
Curious Psychic Phenomena.
At a recent club meeting some
"creepy" stories were told which may
please lovers of the marvelous, though
they deal with dreams rather than
ghosts. A certain physician—we may
call him Doctor Z.—was one uiglit
awakened by a man who said that his
wife was very ill and desired the doctor
to see her. He stated that he lived in
Mr. X.'s house. Doctor Z. followed
his visitor, entered the house, and was
taken into a chamber whore on the bed
lay a woman in the last stages of con
sumption. He told her husband, who
had summoned him, that site could
live but a short time, but prescribed
some relieving medicine. Then he
went home, promising to return the
next day. True to his promise, he re
turned the follow ing morning, but was
surprised to find the building fast
closed. The man at work in the gar
den said that the house had not been
occupied for years. The doctor, amazed,
insisted on entering, and found unmis
takable signs of desertion; the place
was thick with dust and cobwebs. In
the chamber he had visited all was dust
covered and dreary. The bed had not
been used for a long time. Yet the
room seemed perfectly familiar to liim,
even to tile pattern of the wall paper.
To add to the oddity of the thing, the
place had the reputation of being
haunted. A somewhat similar experi
ence was that of a gentleman who,
while at sea during a storm, distinctly
saw his wife enter his stateroom and
kiss him. When, on his arrival homo,
he met her in reality, one of the first
things she said was, "Did you receive
a visit from me a week |ago ?" "How
could I?" ho said. "Well," said she,
"I thought you were in danger, and I
walked over the dark water until I
came to a low, black vessel. I went up
the side and entered the cabin, and
leaned over you und kissed you." She
accurately described the room and the
ship, though she had never seen either.
Honest.
"He is really so honest that he ought
to be put in solitary confinement!" said
an exasperated man of a neighbor who
was always telling him unpalatable
truths. The offender was guiltless of
a desire to offend; he simply could not
refrain from speaking what was in his
mind. There are Bcntimental occa
sions when most of us actually do pre
fer an embroidered statement to literal
fact.
"Shouldn't you know a lock of my
liair anywhere, John ?" queried an af
fectionate young wife, whose tresses
were her husband's prido.
"I think I should," he returned, cau
tiously, and she broke into a cry of real
dismay.
"Oh, don't say that! Say you know
you should I"
Hut John was not to bo persuaded.
He merely thought so, and that only
would he assert.
"I shall think of you constantly,"
said a Indy whose first novel was in
press to a departing guest, "uutil I
get my proof-sheets!"
It was a very affectionate husband
who uttered the most literal interpre
tation on record.
"I believe," said his wife, proudly,
after some great instance of his unself
ish devotion, "I believe you would let
yourself be cut into inch pieces for
me!"
The husband looked doubtful.
"Make the pieces six inches, Mary,"
he returned, honestly, "and maybe I
could stand it."
Tliey Struck the Bad I'lace.
A loynl North Carolinian, who served
in the Union army, tolls this story in
connection with the resin-beds, which
are found in the turpentine districts.
During Gen. Sherman's famous march
to the sea, a part of the Twentieth
Army Corps was halted in a soction of
this forest and prepared to camp for
the night. The soldiers wore some
what mystified in finding so large a
stretch of smooth, solid rock, but con
gratulated themselves that they would
not have to bivouac in the mud. Knap
sacks were unslung, guards were
mounted and fires were kindled at
different points, and the tired and
weary veterans were preparing to set
tle down for a comfortable rest. The
heat of the fires softened the resin.
First it began to sputter, then great
black clouds of smoke began to ascend,
and suddenly huge columns of fire shot
up, seemingly from the very bowels of
the earth. The whole camp was in
commotion, the men beat a precipitate
retreat, and soon the whole placo was
a seething, roaring mass of flame. One
of the soldiers, as he grabbed his gun
and started, shouted a warning to his
comrades: "ltnn, boys! We've struck
The Automatic Cash Boy.
"Tlio inventor of this automatic cash
and parcel system," said a salesman in
one of the big Twenty-third street
shops yesterday as he switched his cus
tomer's purchase and money up into
the air and sent it whirling away to a
central change and wrapping station,
"was a poor shop boy like myself. He
Bold out for SIOO,OOO, but could be mak
ing a great deal more than the income
of that sum now if ho had held on.
1 ,ook at this shop; the aisles are not
filled up with cash-boys or cash-girls
and the customers have more room and
better air. We have eighty automatic
stations in use, and we pay a royalty
of S2O a year for each Btotion. That
makes a total of SI,OOO a year for the
sorvice. Suppose we employed fifty
cash-boys—we couldn't get along with
less—and paid them the low figure of
SIOO a year. We could get them for
that, cheap as it seems. They would
cost us $0,500 in a year. Quite a sav
ing, isn't it ? Who was the inventor?
He was a Philadelphia salesman
named Blickensderfer."— New York
World.
GERMAN experiments have proven
I that sea-mud is a much better fertilizer
for rye and oats than fnrm-yard ma
nure.
GET on the right horse and you will
have a run of luck at the races.
A PRETTY PARLOR PASTIME.
Capturing; the Fort—How It Is Played.
Is eJ "
FO\T
Tke board is made as shown in the
engraving. Each player has thirty
men, which are placed in the two ante
rooms AA. Each player must enter
his men on the battle-field, or checker
board, by entrances CC. They may
enter at any point along lines XXX,
one ma nat a time. When a player
enters a man that constitutes a move,
and then the other player enters a man,
and so on. Each player may have a
many men on the board as he chooses.
Now plav the same as checkers. When
ft man enterß either of the squares E,
it at once becomes a king and must be
crowned. Next they must enter the
fort byway of squares D D, after first
occupying square H. Nothing but
kings can enter the fort. The player
that gets the most men in the fort cap
tures it. Men can bo jumped the same
as in checkers. Single men can only
be moved from tho player, but kings
in any direction. Common checkers
will answer for men.
What a Lady Does Not I(o.
jfa are several
Amlw', I things always absent
■piSHI I in a true lady, which
% girls will do well to
notice and remem
tffj'YV'N A lady, for exam
—V- I A I'lo, will never ignore
yx'X v JA little kindnesses.
\\ \\A? \ Conelu dein a
\\_V ) urow( l that she has
a right to push her
w ay through.
\ Consume the time
l ,eo P' e who can ill
rim]] yflll |Vt spare it.
/l/l \l\\ hIA\ Wear on the street
||j a H\\ W|\ \ft dress only fitted
f I 11 vu 1 I '° t ' le h° use or car-
It II vl\ \ l ' 1 " 1 loudly in
\\ at WW public places,
i t 111 Wear a torn glove,
when a needle and
thread and a few stitches would make
it all right.
Fail in answering letters or return
ing visits, unless she is ill or in trouble.
Fret about the heat or the cold, the
sun or the rain, the air or the lack
of it.
Make an engagement and then not
bo on time.
Complain of her family or discuss
personal affairs with strangers.
Always believe the worst rather than
the best side of a story.
A lady does not do any other than
make the best of everything—the world,
the weather and herself. She believes
in tho golden rule, and endeavors as
far as possible to live up to it; and
that's what you and I ought to promise
every morning that we will try nnd do
during the day.
A Dress Reform Fiend.
Have you ever been cornered by a
dress reform fiend? She is generally
a woman who is at war with herself be
cause she does not
look as well as her
neighbors, so by
njp adopting what she
y —-N kg. calls dress-reform
/yi. j I ImvX she can look a fright
// \— I H , and still be follow
- 1 w&j ii:g a "fad." She
f . yjl It usually has a mus
lL fI * 'VMij'J? 'a''' lo - and enlarges
( l | on the merits of
H !)| HR equestrian pants.
'M II W slie ' s i ni f?'"° ae d
™ _ 'J_ Ifiv an d spectacled,
A DRESS REFORMER, with a wart on her
chin, she is still moro unique. If her
build be of the cheese variety she is
oertainly a picture of sans corsets,
skirts, and all those dainty little femi
niuo nothings that go to make a woman
ly woman. She reads pamphlets on
dress reform and attends loetures,
oven though home interests suffer. If
your clothes fit she says you are cor
seted, if you are natty while she is un
attractive and plain you arc living be
yond your income. She criticises and
finds ' fault with every ouo, and yet
never does a clever thing herself, un
less it is to live without work and with
out stays.
A Lesson Well Learned.
I was a mere youngster when I
learned two important lessons in busi
ness matters: never to lose anything
and never to forget anything. An old
lawyer gave me an inipoi taut paper,
with instructions what to do with it.
"But," I inquired, "suppose I lose it;
what shall I do then?" "You must
not lose it!" "I don't intend to; sup
pose I should happen to?" "But I say
you must not happen to: I shall make
no provision for any such occurrence;
you must not lose it!" This started
me on a new train of thought, and
from that very hour I resolved never
to fail in these particulars. I once had
an intelligent young man in my em
ployment who deemed it sufficient
excuse for neglecting any important
task to say, "I forgot it." I told him
that would not answer. If he was
sufficiently interested, he would be
careful to remember. It was because
he did not care enough that he forgot
it. I drilled him with this truth. Ho
worked for me three years, and during
the last of the time lie was utterly
changed in this respect. He did not
forget anything. His forgetting, he
found, was a lazy, careless habit of
the mind, wliioh ho cured.
It Worked.
"How's your family, Slowpoke?"
"Pretty well. Boy has been siok,
Had him vaccinated."
"Did it work?"
"Yes; and it is about the only thing
in the family that has worked since the
strike."— Chicago Ledger.
Face nuil Figure.
"See this check, Jones?"
"Yes; for a thousand, eh?"
"Exactly; only I refer to the fine
lithograph work an it."
"Oh I I admire its face less than its
figure!"— Chicago Ledger.