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THE ELK ADVOCATE,
A LOCAL AKD CETiltAl KEWSPATEB,
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, Address
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If U
EETTEHS TO .7IEIHCVS
NUMBER ONE.
My Dear Sir : I am much obliged
for your answer to my inquiry: for
though I hardly expected evidence that
would be satisfactory to my own miud,
I like to know what others consider
proof, and to h ear their own statement
cf their faith, rather than trust to tho
representations of opponents. You
think it " can be established without
difficulty both fiotu the Bible and from
other sources" that saints who have de
parted this life " not only hear us. but
grant us their intercession and good offi
ces." To my miud you have not " es
tablished " either of these points, hut
tmrn rarlirr fiirni:lieil nrirunienttf titltifnut
your doctrine of the invocation of .be
saints. As a sincere inquirer after
tiutb, I am as much bound to reject
evidence which is not conclusive as to
admit that which is. If you can show
from the word of 5od " that the invo
cation of faints is not only proper, b;t
that wc are even directed to avail our
selves of their assistance," then I am in
duty bound to acknowledge jour doc
trine and adopt your custom. But any
merely human testimony of that effect
is ol no account towards establishing
such a doctrine as an article of faith.
The opinion and practice i f any uuiu.
spired men, even taints and martyrs, can
nt best but furnish a degree of ff'.lnbil.
i.'Z-greu'er or Ie?s according to circum
stances that the thing is taught in the
Bih'e. Yet you seem to think the tes.
f.imony of such men as Basil, Augustine,
Cyprian, Ircnaeus must be admitted on
this point, " to be not only sound but
authoritative." If they were inspired,
aud spuLe nut their own opinion but the
Kord of God, I grant it; however much
we may esteem their testimony, it can
never le conclusive. You advance
several arguments to .-how that depart
ed saints kuoie all our circumstances.
hetir our requests, and actually aid us
by their interecss i. I would I ke to
!:o'.v therein these arguments appear
to ine inconclusive, ami how some ol
them even make against your position.
J!.:t in the first place you yield the very
l.oiut. 1 expected you would try to prove.
by admitting that t'ney tin nt hear us
jirtuly do not know our affnirs by any
o 'rut mode of communication hut be.
tciue acquainted with our wants and
wiMicsuilv through the medium of the
divine omniscience. It seems to me
that this admission is well nigh fatal to
ji.ur theorj. 1 ai:ree that the saints
may ktn.w whatever God is pleased to
(''ititnuiiicati to tliem, but 1 think you
will not rttend that they are oinm
tei tt. Doubtless those who have de
patted this life " to be wiib Christ " vn
joy the preence and fellowship of the
in.'iniie spirit. They " know God , "
but it Hits nut by any means follow thai
they know all that He know. Thai
t nppoMtiou would Le u : terly absurd, as
ihny are still Cnite, a,:l it is no h -s ub
Kind tu asMimc that I hey know every
ltitig ahoot thsir friends ou carih. or all
that tinybtxly un firth may think or say
in reference to themselves. Just think
bow many myriads daily oiler requests
to the lilcsstd Virgin. Does she know
nil thes i people and att thsir tin-urn
itunret, rnhet, they fay " pray for us ' "
V,'? agree then (do we not ?) thai depart.
J saints have o;i'y xwh kii'neffr of
tilings on curt1! us liol is pleased to
coiiiiniiuie.tte to tb.cui. As you say,
" ihfy hear our petitions through Al
mighty God, who is cognizant of all
things." We have ilire. t vommtiuica.
tion with Gud, the Father, .Son and
Holy Ghi'st, but not with Paul, Peter
r.nf the rest, ft is therefore a very dit.
fereM thing from aLiug christians on
iMfth to ' pray for us," to mike the
!' requi-ht i.f those with whom we
have no communication who become
i. ware iif our request or not, accordiug
n ;5ol is pleased to reveal it to them or
iiain it iti l.bown counsels. This bc
ii g n-tt!.:d, is it proper and avisible to
v: u-parti.d saints to pr.iy for us?
You answer, yes.but do not ou incu ue.
As the piintcr will pu-f.-r .,hurt haters,
"I will defer th rsa.-ons for my dissent
tj another time. Yours truly,
kv an Delist.
A treut'euirui leuiarkcd i ne day to an
I ris Kniun that the science of optics was
n iw broiiL'ht to a pt rtccliou; that by
I he aid of a telescope, which he had
just purchased, he could discern objects
t m iucreilible distance. ' My dear
l.'iluw," replied the Irishtirin, " I have
riic at my bouse in the county of Wex.
lord that will be a match for it ; it
brought the church of Kniseorthy so
near to my view, that I oould Lear the
congregation kingini; psalms."
Ad Irishman, some time ago, was
committed to the penitentiary and for a
misdemeauor sentenced to work ou the
treadmill for a mouth. Ho observed
at the expiration ot bis task, " what a
it at deal of botheration and fatigue it
would bave saved us poor craythurt, if
they bad bat isvintol it to go by itatue
l.kv n) otW wather tui!!a."
THE M1LSE FV.VEtML.
I never liked my uncle's business,
though he took me when my father
died, and brought me np as bis own son.
The good man bad no children. II is
wife was long, dead, aud he had an hon.
sst old woman lor a housekeeper, and a
flourishing buniuess, in the undertaking
l:ue, to leave to somebody, but he did
not leave it to me, aud Pll tell you the
reason :
When I had been about five years
with him, aud bad grown worth my salt,
as he used to say, a death occurred in
our neighborhood, which caused greater
lamentation than any we had beard of
since, my apprenticeship began. 1 he
deceased gentleman was a Mr. Elswor-
thy. The family had beeu counted gen
try in their day. I should have said
my uncle lived m New lork, and all
the world knows what York shire fami
lies are. Well, the lSlsworthy'a were of
good family, and very proud ot it, tho
they had lost every acre ot a good old
estate which bad belonged to them time
out of miud. I am not sure whether
it was tluir grandfather's dice and cock
fightinc, or their father's going surety
lor a friend who did something wrong
in a Government office, that brought
them to this poor pass ; but there was
no house in all York where candles weut
further, and tcaleaves were better used
up. There was a mother, two sisters
aud a cousin who lived with them. The
mother was a stately lady, never seen
out of a black brocade. The sisters
were not over young or handsome, but
they dressed as fine as they could' The
cousin was counted one of the prettiest
women in Yorkshire, but she walked
with a crutch, having met with an acci
dent in her childhood Master Charles
was tho only sou. and the youngest of
the family. He was a tall, haodsome,
dashing young man, uncommonly polite,
and a gieat favorite with the ladies. It
is said there were some red eyes in the
town, when the story got wiud that he
was going to be married to the Honora
ble Miss Westbay. Her father was
younger brother to the Karl of Harrow
gate, and had seveu girls beside, her,
wiihout a penny fot oue of them; but
Miss Westbay was a beauty, and the
wonder was that she had r.ot got mar.
ried long ago being nearly sevjn years
out, dancing, sinking, and pluyiug tip.
top pieces at all the parties. Halt a
dozen matches had been talked of for
her, but somehow they broke down one
al'ti r another. Her father was rather
impatient to see her oft'; and so were her
sisters, poor things, and uo wonder, for,
grow up as they might, nut oue of them
would the old man sutler to come out
till the eldest wasdisposed of, and at la it
there seemed something like a certainty
ot tlr.it business. Young Mr. Klswor.
thy and "dm struck up a courtship. He
was l.isein t il isn't tl.u tbe word ? at
un assize ball, paid marked attentions at
the b.iliop's party, aud was believed to
have popped the question at a pic nic,
aller l.orl II urowate, the largest
utinichol for in toe Northeastern Dank,
got bim pio'.li itcd from clerkship to be
manager, it's true, be was some years
younger than Miss Westbay, and people
said theie had been -something between
hi:n and his pretty cousin ; but a lord's
neiee, with beauty, accomplishments,
and a serviceable connection, does not
come in every young way ; so the wed
ding diy was fixed for the f.-st of J aim.
ary, and all the niilli:;i;rs were busy with
the bride's bonnets and d'esses.
ft was just a mouth to couiu, and cv
eryb uly i talking of iho match, when
Mr. Klsworthy tell sick. At first they
said it was cold; then it turned to a
brain fever; at l.t the d ooLor give no
hopes, aud wiihiu the saiiio week Mr.
Hie worthy died. The j!o ucighbor.
Iioo 1 was cast int.) m luruiug. A prom,
i.siug young ill a:, in a manner the ouly
dependence of his family, newly promo
ted to a station of trust and influence,
and on tho eve of marriage, everybody
lamented bis untimely de-itb, and
sympathized with his bereived re
lations and his inteudel bride. I
thiuk my uuele lamented m s of all.
None of his customers, to ifly knowledge,
ever got so much of his sorrow. Whcu
wo was stint for in the way of business,
it struek me that be staid particularly
long.
The good man could talk of nothing
but the grief of tho afflicted family
ho the mother went iuto fits, aud tho
sisters tore their hair how the cousiu
talked of wearing morning all her days
and how it was feared that Miss
Westbay, who insisted on seeing him,
would never reoover her senses. The
county papers gave expression to the
publiu grief. There were a great many
verses written about it. Nobody passed
the bouse of moruning without a sigh or
a suitable remark. My uncle superin
tended the making of tho coffin, as I
had never seen him do any other; aud
when tbe workmeu had gone home be
spent hours at eight, fiuishia it by bim
elf. :
The funeral was to set . out for the
J fa-sib tjtiH; Ju. vbti Histcr cbucob it
Beverly, about threo o'clock io the af
ternoon. It was made a strictly private
affair, though hundreds of the tow us.
men would have testified their respect
for the dead by accompanying it all tbe
way. Tbe members of the family, in
two mourning coaches, and the under
taker's men, were alone allowed to fol.
low poor Elsworthy to his hist resting
place, and the coffin was not to be bro't
till the latest hour. My uncle had got
it finished to his mind, but evidently
did not wish me to look at his work.
He had a long talk with Steele and
Stoneman, two of his most confidential
assistants, in the workshop, aftcthours,
and they weut away looking remarkably
close. All-was in train, and the funeral
to take place the next day, when, com
ing down his own etairs they were
rather steep and narrow, for we lived in
one of the old houses of York my uu.
cle slipped, fell, and brok4 his leg. I
thought he would have gone mad when
the doctor told bim he must not attempt
to move or mind any business for weeks
to come, and I tried to pacify bim by
ofTering to conduct the f'urneral with
the help of Steele and Stoneman. No.
thing would please the old man ; I nev
er saw him so lar out of temper bclore.
He swore ut his bad luck, threw the
pillows at his housekeeper, ordered me
to bring him up the key of the work
shop, and kept it fast clutched in his
hand. I set up with him all that night.
In a cotipla of hours he grew calm and
sensible, but could not sleep, though the
houfc was all quiet, and the housekeep
er snonug iu the in the corner, lhen
he began to g'oao, as if there was some,
thing worse than a broken leg on his
mind, aud " Tom," said he, " haven't I
bben always kind to you?"
" No doubt of it uncle," said I.
" Well, Toja, I want you to do me a
great service a particular service, Tom,
and Pll never forget it to you. You
know Mr. E'sworthy's fuucral comeiJofiF
to-morrow at 2 o'clock, and they're very
high people."
'" Never fear, uncle; I'll take sare of
it as well as if you were there yourself."
" I knew you would, Tom I knew
you would. I could trust you withHbe
hearsing of un carl's cofflo ; and for
managing mutes T don't know jour e
quul. Hut there's something more to
be done. Coma over beside me, Tom ;
that old woman don't hear well at the
best, aud she's sleeping now, aud no
mistake. Will you promise me" and
bis Voice sunk to a whisper " that
whatever you hearjor see, you'll make
uo remark to any one living, and be cau
tious as you can about the body ? There's
no foul play," said he, for I began to
look frightened ; " but may bet I. is leg's
a judgment for takiug on such business.
Howsomever. I'm to have three hundred
pounds foritj and you'll getthe half,
it you'll conduct it properly, aud give
me your solemn promise. 1 know you'll
never break that."
" Uucle." said I, " I'll promise, and
keep it too; but you must tell me what
it in."
"Well, Tom" aud ho drew a long
breath "its a living man you're going
to put in that eulliu in the workshop ! 1
have made it high aud full of air holes;
he'll lie quite comlortable. Nobody
knows about itabut Steele aud Stoneman
and yourself; they'll go with you Miud
you trust no due else. Don't look so
stupid man ; can't you understand, Mr.
worthy didn't die at all, and never
had brain fever; but be wan's to get off
Irmu marrying Miss tVcslbay, or some
thing of iIihI- sort. They're taking a
(pieer way about it, 1 must say ; but
these geuteel people bave ways of their
own. It was the cousin that prepared
my mind for it iu the buck parlor ; that
woman's up to anything. I sto.id out
against having a hand iu it, till I heard
that the sexton of Beverly Church was
a poor rela'iou of theirs. The key of
the comn is tu be given to him, it w;ll
be locked, not screwed down, you see;
and when all's overat'the vault it will
be dalk night by that t'me, for we don't
move till tbree, und these December
days are short he'll come aud help
Mr Elswuilhv out, and smugi'le Vm off
to Hull with his son the carrier. There's
ships enough there to take him anywhere
under a feigned name."
" Could he get utF the marriage no
easiei V said 1, for the the thought of
taking a living man in a hearse, and
heating tbe services read over him, made
my blood run cold. You see I was
young then.
"There's something more than the
marriage in it, though they ddu't telli
me. Odd things will happen in my
business, and this is one cf toe quere.st.
But you'll manage it, Tom, and get my
blessing, besides you." half ol tho three
hundred pounds ; aud don't be afraid ol
anything coming wrong to him. for I
never saw any man look so like a corpse."
I promised my uncle to do the busi
ness and keep the see-ret. A hundred
and fifty pounds was no joke to a young
man beginniug the world in the under
faking line; and the old man was so
pleased frith' what he called toy sense
lud utjdersUpdipg,' that before fsllin
asleep, close upon daybreak, he talked
of taking me into partnership, and the
job we might expect from the Harrow.
gate family; for tbe dowager countess
was nearly fourscore, and two of the
young ladies were threatencd-wi'h de
cline. Next day, early in the afternoon,
Steele, Stoneman and I were at woik.
The family seemed duly mournful, I
suppose, on account of tbe servants,
Mr. Elsworthy looked wonderfully well
in his shroud ; and if one had not look
ed close iuto the coffin, they never would
have seen the airholes. Well, we set
out, mourning coaches, hearse and all,
through the yellow fog of a December
day. There was nothing but sad faces
at all tbe windows as we passed ; 1 heard
them admiring Steele and Stoneman
for the feeling hearts they showed ; but
when we got out ou the Beverly road
the cousiu gave us a sign, and away we
went at a rattling pace; a funeral never
got over the ground at such a rate before.
Yet it was getting dark when we reach,
ed the Old Minister, and the curate
"rumbled at having to duty so late. He
got over the service nearly as quick as
we got over tbe miles. The coffin was
lowered into the vault ; it was more than
half filled with Mr. Klsworthy's fore
fathers, but there was a good wide
grate io the vault, and no waut of air.
It was all riirht. The clerk and tho
clergyman started off to their homes
the mourning coaches weut to tho Crown
Inn, where the ladies were to wait till
the sexton eamr to let them know he
was safe out the cousin would Dot go
nouie without that news and I slipped
him the key at the church door, as he
discoursed to us all about the mysterious
dispensations ot 1 rOTidencs
My heart was light going home ; so
were Steele's and Stoueman's None of
us liked the job, but we were all to be
paid for it ; aud I must say the old man
come down handsomely with the need
ful, not to speak of Burtou ale ; and I
was to be made his partner without de
lay. We got tha money, aud bad the
jolifieation ; but it wasn't right over, and
I was just getting into bed, when there
was a ring at our door. bell, and tbe
housekeeper came to say that Dr. Parks
wauted tu see me or my uncle What
could he waut, and how had he come
back so soon '( Parks was the Klswor
thy's family doctor and the ouly strang
er at the funeral ; he went in the second
mourning coach, aud I lelt him talking
to the sexton. My clothes were thrown
ou, and I was down stairs in a minute,
looking as sober as I could ; but the
doctor's look would have sobered any
mail. "Thonus," said he, "this Las
turned out a bad business, aud I cannot
account fori); but Mr. Elsworthy ha
died in earnest. When the sexton and
I opened the coffin we found him cold
and stiff. 1 think be died from fright,
sueh a face ot terror I never saw. It
wasn't your uncle's fault; there is uo
doubt he had air euough, but it can't
be helped; and the less said about it the
better for all parties. I am going to
lr. Adams, to take him dowu with me
to Beverly. The sexton keeps poor
Elsworthy to fee if anything can fie
done; and Adams is the only man wc
can trust; but I know it's no use."
The doctor's apprehension was foun.
ded Mr. Elsworthy could not be recov
ered; they laved hiiu dowu strain iu the
coffin with airholes. The hdics camo
b.ick. and we kept the secret; but in
less tli no six months after, a rumor went
ahrea I of heavy forg iries on the Nurt
easteni Bank. On investigation they
proved to bo over fifty thousand, and
nobody was implicated but the decased
manager. His family knew nothing a
bout it; being all ladies, they were en
tirely iguoraut of baukiug affairs; but
they left York next season, toak a haud
some house at Scarborough, and were
known t iget money regularly from Lon.
duu. They uever employed any doctor
but Parks; aud his medical manage
ment did not appear to pnspir, lor they
wore never well, aud always nervous ;
not one ot them could sleep alone, or
without light in the room ; and an atten
dant from a private asylum had to be
got for the cousiu. I don't think the
matter ever left my uncle's miud ; be
uever world take au odd job after it;
aud all the partnerships iu Eulund
would not have made meeouliuue iu the
buniuess, aud ruutbe risk of another
false funeral.
" Par are," said a table orator addnt '.
ing his brethren, " Two roads tro' dis
world. De one am a broad aud narrow
road dat leada to pcrdiction, and do oder
a narrow and broad road dat leads to
destruotii-n." " If dat am de case,''
said one of bis sable hearer, dis culled
iudiwidual takes to de woods."
A young man recently wrote to his
sweetheart, ssying : " There is not a
globule ot blood in my heart which
does not bear your photograph." He
had it very bad, hadn't he.
"I do deolara Sal, you look f pretty
enough to eat.'J Waal, Solomon, ain t
I eating aa fast as I can." replied Sal,
I wiib bef wcth. full.
LOU nOLLtJTO.
An Englishman who was traveling ou
tho Mississippi river, told some rather
tou jh stories about the London thieves.
A Cincinnati chap named Ca:,c, heard
these naratives with a silent but expres
sive humph ! and then remarked that he
thought the esletn thieves beat the
London operators all hollow.
' Why so ? ' inquired the Englishman,
with surprise ' Pray, have you lived
much iu tho West ? '
' Not a great deal. I undertook to
set up business at Desmiones llapids a
while ago, but the rascally people stole
uearly every thing I had, finally a
Welch miner run off with my wife.'
Good God 1' said tho Englishman,
and you uever found her ? '
Never to this day. But that was
not the worst of it ? '
'Worse! Why, what could be
worse than stealimr a mau's wife ? '
' Stealing bis children, I should say,'
said the implacable Case.
'Children?'
' Y'es, a nigger woman, who bad not
any of her own abducted my youngest
daughter, aud sloped aud jined tho Iu.
gens.'
' Great Heavens ! did you not see her
doit?'
Sec her ? Yes, and she hadn't ten
rods the start of me, and she plunged
into the lake and swan) like a duck
and there wasu't a canoe to follow
with.'
The Emzlishtnan laid back in his
chair, and called for another mug of
all ana uff, while Case smoked his ci
gar, bis credulous friend at the same
time said most remorsely.
' I shan't go any farther west I
think, at length observed the excited
John Bull.
I should not advise any one to go,'
said Case quietly. 'My poor brother
once lived out there, but be had to
leave, although his business was the
best in the country.'
' What business was he In ?'
' Lumbering had a saw mill '
' And they stole his lumber ? '
' Yes, and his saw logs too."
Saw. logs.'
' Yes, whole dozens of floe blaek w.il
nut lo"s were carried off iu a single
night. True, upon my honor, sir. He
tried every way to prevent it, hired
men to watch his logs, but il was all no
use. They whipped 'em away as easy
as if there had beeu no oue there.
They'd steal them out of the river, out
of the coves, aud even out of the mill.
ways.
' Good graeiou3.'
'Just to give you sn idea how they
can steal out thete,' continued Case,
smiling a sly wiuk at the listening com
pany : " just to jive you au idea did
you ever work iu a saw. mill 1 "
' Never.'
" Well, my brother one day bought
an all fired fine black walnut log I rar
feet three at the butt, and not a knot in
it. He was determined to keep that
lot;, and lured two Scotchmen to witch
it all night. Well, they took a small
demijohn of whisky with them, snaked
the log up the side ol the hill, and then
sat down on the log to play kcerds just
to keep them awake, you see. 'Tw.is a
monstrous big log bark four inches
thick. Well, as I was aayinsr, they
played keerds and drank whisky ail
night aud as begun to grow light they
went asleep astraddle of the log. About
a minute after day light my brother
went over to the mill to see how they
got ou, and l'ie log was gone :
" And thpy sitting on it?"
" Sitting on the bark ! The thieves
had drove an iron wedge into the butt
end which pointed down th-n hiil. and
hitched a yoke of oxen on and pulled it
right out, leavinjr the s!ie!i, the Scotch
ers sitting astraddle of it fast asleep."
The Englishman here aro-e, dropped
his cigar stump iuto the spittoon, and
looked at his watch, said he thought he
would go on deck, aud see bow far we'd
be down tho river by mnrn:ng.
A poung m in recently wrote to his
sweet heart saying : ''There is not a
globule of blood iu my heart which
does not bear your photograph." He
had it very bad. hadu't ho ?
A cement which is a good protcc.
tiou against weather, water, and fire, to
a certain extent, is made by mixing a
gallon of water with two gallons of
brine ; and then stir in two und a half
pounds ol brown sugar and three pounds
of common salt; put it ou with a brush,
like paint.
The following purports to bo a
modieal puff : " Dear Doctor I shall
be one hundred and seventy five years
old uext October, por over eighty
four years I have been an invalid, una
ble to step, except when moved by a
lever. But a year aso I heard of the
Granicular Syrup. I bought a lottle,
smelt the cork, aud found myself a man.
I can now run twelve miles and a
ha fan hour
-rTbe past summer his. been the
wettest in Europe ioee 1TJ V
accustomed to road the newspapers, to
una fault Willi its statements its argu
ment?, its looks, to plume themselves
upon the oiLCuvery ol gome roguish and
acrobatic type, that gets into a frolic and
stands upou its head, or some word with
a waste letter or two in it; hut of the
process hy which the newspaper is made.
of the myriuds oi motions necessary to
its composition, they know little and
think less.
Thoy imagine they discourse of a
won ler, indeed, when they sp"sk of tbe
lmr, while carpet, woven for thcui to
walk on, from the rags that fluttered olT
the hack ul the beggar yesterday.
Hut there is to us something more
wonderful still, when we look at the
hundred and fifty-two little boxes, some,
thing shaded with inky lingers, that
compose a "printer's case," noiseless
except the click ol the types, as one by
one they take their place in the growing
line we thiuk we have found the mar.
vel of the art.
Strewn in those little boxes arc thin,
parallegrams of metal, every oue good
lor something that goes to ujuke up
written language ; the visible footprints
of thought upon carpets of rags.
We think how many fragments of
fancy there arc in these boxes ; Low
many atoms ot poetry and eloquence the
printer can make here aud there, if he
only h is a little chart to woik by ; how
many facts in small handsful, how much,
truth in chaos !
Now he picks up tho scattered cle.
meuls until he holds in his band a stun,
za of Gray's elegy, or a monodony upon
a Grimes "all buttoned tip before."
Now lie sets up a "Puppy Missing,"
and now a " Paradise Lost." He ar
rays a bride in " small caps," and a son
net in "Nonpareil." He announces
that the languishing " live," in one sen
tence, transposes tho word and deplores
that days arc " evil " in the next.
A poor jest ticks its way into the
printer's hand, like a little clock just
running down, and a strain of eloqucuce
marcnes into line. We tancy wo
3a n
the
tel. the difference by the click of
types ; out perhaps not.
The types that told of a wedding yes
terdty, announces a burial to tnoi row
perhaps in the selfsame letters.
They are the demerits to make words
of. Those types are a world with some
thing iu it, as beautiful as spring and as
rich a- summer, and as grand ts tut.
umn ; flowers that frost cannot will, but
fruit that shall ripen for all time.
This, That, and the Other.
Domestic Cannibals Back-biters.
What is most likely to become a wo
man ? A little girl.
What is always i a visible, jut never
out of sight ? The letter s.
When is a bonnet not a bonnet?
When it become & lady
What trade would you resoinnien j to
a short man ? Grow tir rocerj
What color is a secret best kept io 1
la viukt (inviolate.)
Genual Sherman has declared
himself iu favor of the President.
MoTTrtKS. The lawyer's motto bo
brief. The doctor's unit be patient.
The potter's motto beware. The type
setter's motto be composed.
The New York Centrjl Hailroad is
about to import enogh sierl rails from
England to relay two miles of their
track in order to test tlitir durability.
" Swear not at all," stiJ a chaplain tj
a soldier.
lie replied, "I do not swear ut all, but
only to those who annoy me."
Biddy, while on a be r; ieg cxji lition
was asked by a lady if bio had any
children. " Yes mum," replied Biddy,
with great, readiness, " I'm the mother
ot au orphan."
As wo tw.i are one," said a witty
brute to his wife, " when I beat you I
beat half of myself."
" Well," said the wife, " beat
your
own half, uot mine."
A little girl of for.r years was recent
ly called us a witness on a cusa in the
police court, and in answer io the quo,
tiou of what become of litiie girls who
told lies she replied that they were t:nt
to led.
Patrick rented prut of a house near
the roof. On being asked whiuh it was,
he replied," Shure, if the home wis just
turned topsy turvy, it's the groujj floor
I'd be living on."
Mrs. Iibb is of such a ten ler dis
position tbat before span'..ioa Billy
bobbi, Sally Dobbs, anl Be.)i,y Dobha,
she administers chloroform tu them. -They
are of the unanimous :imon that
this a large tuiprovciaeui ou tbeolj
fmhiiio of apaokioj. . .. j. i , ,