VERBAL MISHAPS.
Dickene Onca Made Two Bad Breake
the Same Evening.
Charles Dickens unre wrote to a
friend: "I hnve distinguished myself
In two respects lately. I took a youns
ladj, unknown, down to dinner and
talked to her ubout the bluliop of Dur
ham's nepotism In the matter of Mr.
Cheese. I found she was Mrs. Cheese.
Later I expatiated to the member for
Marylebone, thinking him to be an
Irish member, on the contemptible
character of the Marylebone constit
uency and the Marylebone representa
tive." Two such mishaps In one evening
were enough to reduce the most bril
liant talker to the condition of the
three inside passengers of a London
bound coach who beguiled the tedium
of the Journey from Southampton by
discussing the demerits of William
Cobbctt until one of the party went so
far as to assert that the object of their
denunciation was a domestic tyrant
given to beating his wife.
Much to his dismay the solitary wo
man passenger, who bad hitherto sat
a silent listener, remarked:
"Pardon me, sir. A kinder husband
and father never breathed. And I
ought to know, for I am William Cob
bett's wife."
Mr. Giles of Virginia and Judge Du
val of Maryland, members of congress
during Washington's administration,
boarded at the house of a Mrs. Gib
bon, whose daughters were well on In
years and remarkable for talkative
ness. When Jefferson became president
Duval was comptroller of the treasury
and Giles a senator. Meeting one day
In Washington, they fell to chatting
over old times, and the senator asked
the comptroller If he knew what had
become of "that cackling old maid.
Jenny Gibbon."
"She Is Mrs. Duval, sir," was the
unexpected reply.
Giles did not attempt to mend mat
ters, as a certain Mr. Tuborvllle un
wisely did. Happening to observe to
a fellow guest that the lady who had
sat at his right hand at dinner was the
Ugliest woninn he had ever beheld, the
person addressed expressed his regret
that he should think Ills wife so ill
looking.
"I have made a mistake," said the
horrified Tubervllle. "1 meant the lady
who sat on my left."
"Well, sir, she is my sister."
This brought the frank avownl, "It
can't be helped, sir, then, for if what
you say be true I confess I never saw
such an ugly family in the course ol
my life." Youth's Companion.
A SMALL WORD.
It Haa Only Two Lettera, Yet It la
Not Easy to Define.
To define one word in the English
language one modern dictionary takes
eighteen columns of small type. And
this solitary word upon which the dic
tionary bestows such a wealth of elu
cidation is one that hardly anybody
except a 'dictionary maker can define
at all. The ordinary educated, Kng
llsb speaking person's knowledge of it
could be expressed In about half a sin
gle line.
This fecund word is "of." If you
were asked to define it unless you
are a dictionary maker or of an allied
trade probably you would have to re
ply: "Of? Why. of Just means of."
You might aiUI defensively, "i always
comprehend perfectly what It means
when I see or hear it und can use It
correctly in speech, so what do I want
to define it for anyway?"
Rut if you were a child your actual
mastery of "of would stand you In
no stead whatever. You would be set
to digging out and memorizing the
things the dictionary had to say about
It, or the driest and least Informing
of them, as, for instance, that in some
cases it is such a kind of preposition
and in other cases some other kind
and that prepositions have such and
such properties when tltcy don't have
some other, every bit of which you
"would absolutely and mercifully forget
at the first possible moment. Look
over a child's grammar or "language"
lesson, with its ghastly array of use-
'less bones. Saturday Evening Post.
Persian Prayer Ruga.
About 200 years ago small embrold
ered rugs were largely made In Per
sia, chiefly at Ispahan. These were
f-rayer rugs, and on each of them near
one end was a small embroidered
mark to show where the bit of sacred
earth from Mecca was to be placed
In obedience to a law of the Koran,
that the feoad must be bowed to the
ground in prayer, this was touched
by the forehead when the prostration
was made, and so the letter of the
' law was carried out The custom still
prevails. The Tersian women who
weave the finest prayer rugs seldom
weave any other kind of rug.
What Ha Wished to Know.
"Here's an article In this magazine
entitled 'How to Meet Trouble,' " said
Mrs. Wedderly. "Shall I read It to
you?"
"No, thank you," replied bis wife's
husband. "How to dodge trouble is
the brand of information I'm looking
for." Chicago News.
No Consolation.
First Golfer (who is beating the cu
rate all hollow) Never mind, Banders.
Ion wait till you are saying the bur
ial service over my grave. Sanders
But. my good man, even then It wlT
be your hole! London Opinion.
Domeetio Bliea.
. "Does your husband ever speak
lutrahly to you?"
"Ko. Thank heaven, my husband
aad I are not on speaking terms."
Chicago Becord-Herald.
AFTER THE COLLISION.
Effecte Upon the Nervea of Wrsoka
' Upon the Rails. )
A wreck sometimes upsets even the ,
most Iron nerved. Ouce the wreck
master on his arrival noticed a bare-
beaded man In overalls, covered with
coal dust and blood, sitting beside his
engine with tears running down his
face. He recognized hlni as the en
gineer, who had been hauled out a few
minutes before from under the mass
of twisted, battered steel that had
once been a locomotive. Singularly
enough, beyond a few cuts and bruises
he was unhurt. He was crying be
cause he could not And his cap that
he had bought new that day and beg
ged the wreck master to help him
hunt for It.
A passenger conductor of train
that was derailed and had plunged
down au embankment crawled out of
the confusion and rendered cool and
efficient help during the half hour be
fore the wreck train arrived. A little
later the wreck master chanced to
look around and saw the conductor
standing beside him holding a match
box to his ear and shaking It Pres
ently be put it back in his pocket, but
took it out again In a moment and
repeated his action.
'Wbnt's the matter with you.'
asked the wreck master.
"Mv watch has stopped. I cant get
it to going, and I don't know what
time It Is." answered the conductor,
still listening to his matchbox.
The wreck master took the conduct
or by the shoulders and shook him
rouehlv. Then he "came to."-Thad-
deus S. Dayton In Harper's Weekly.
MADE SURE OF IT.
The Gift Waa Delayed, but the Groom
Got the Bird.
A wealthy patron of the turf In New
York told an amusing story of a fa
vorite groom and a turkey.
"I had once promised this groom,"
he said, "a Christmas turkey, but
somehow In the rush and flurry of
December I forgot it It was some
days after Christmas when I remem
bered how I had overlooked my faith
ful old friend.
"Meeting blm In the paddock one
morning and intending to make good
my forgetfulness, I said to the groom
by way of a Joke:
"'Well. Jenkins, how did you like
that turkey 1 sent you?'
"'It was a very fine bird, sir,' said
the groom. '1 came very near losing It
though.'
" 'How so?' said I, astonished.
"'Well, sir.' said Jenkins, 'Christ
mas morning came, and your turkey
hadn't reached me. so 1 rushed right
off to the express company and asked
the manager what he meant by not
sending the bird up. The managor
apologized, sir, very politely, and be
took me Into a back room, where there
were ten or fifteen turkeys hanging,
and he said the labels had been lost
off thorn and I'd Just better take
my choice. So I chose the largest, sir,
knowing your generosity, and it was
fine. It ate grand. Thank you very
much Indeed, sir.' "Washington Star.
Commae. .
The French do not, as a rule, employ
inverted commas to indicate a dialogue,
but they employ the dash to Indicate
a change of speakers, which Is Just as
bad. Certainly many punctuation marks
are sadly misused or overused. Dick
ens flung unnecessary commas all over
his pages whole battalions of thorn.
Walter Pater also employed them with
extraordinary prodigality, frequently
before the word "and" where the con
Junction rendered them superfluous.
Pater was also overfond of the mark
of exclamation, so that when he drops
a "Yes" into his measured stylo It must
needs appear as "YesI" But. though
the Bible does without inverted com
mas, there is real art iu its punctua
tion. How admirably it marks the ca
dence and helps the drama In that
great story of the prodigal sou! Lon
don Chronicle.
Culpeoer'a Remedies.
Old time physicians prescribed even
more unsavory remedies than rancid
butter, which was Emperor Menellk's
cure for malarial feter. In "Culpep
er's nerbnl." published originally in
1058 and reprinted as recently as 1820.
are such prescriptions as "oil wherein
frogs have been sodden till all the
flesh is off from their bones." "horse
leeches burned into powder" aud
"black soap and beaten ginger." Some
of Culpeper's remedies are of a more
practical nature. "If redhot gold be
quenched in wine," he says, "and the
Vi)ne drunk It cheers the vitals and
cures the plague. Outwardly used it
takes away spots and leprosls." '
Cool Presence of Mind,
Debtor (to Mhopgirl) It's an' outrage
for your employer to have you presenl
this bill here at the railroad station
iu the presence of a".', these people!
Tell him I'll attend to the matter as
soon as I get home. And now give me
a kiss, so the people will think that
you are a relative and have come to
bid me goodb;. !I'liegende Blatter.
A Risky Study.
"Why have you dropped your popu
lar astronomy?" asked the visitor.
"'Cause I got too many lickings,"
confided Tommy. "The other night I
told pa that Mars' face was ever
changing, and ma heard me and
thought I meant her face. Next thing
I didn't got any supper nnd got a lick
ing besides." Chicago News.
Making It Pleaaant For Her.
Mrs. Goodsole (removing her wraps)
I've owed you a call for a long time,
you know. I hate to be In debt and
I Just felt that I couldn't rest easy
until I had discharged my obligations
by coming to see you. Mrs. Sllptung
Why, my dear Mrs. Goodsole, you
shouldn't have felt that way at all.
Chicago Tribune.
Paid Him Back.
The Mean Thing You're so conceit
ed, Connie, that I believe when you
get Into heaven the first question you'll
ask will be, "Are my , wings on
straight?" Connie Yes, dear, and I
shall be sorry that you won't be there
to tell me. Illustrated Bits.
Now They Don't 8peak.
' Belle How silly men act when they
propose! Why, my husband acted like
a perfect fool. Nelle That's what
everybody thought when your engage
ment was nDOiTced. Clevelind Lead-
it V.
Miniaters Aboard Ship.
A minister aboard ship has always
been taken as a "Jonnh sign" by sea
men. In recent years, however, this
superstition has been modified to a cer
tain extent. A young minister, the
seamen believe, will not bring as much
of a "Jonah" with him as an old one.
Simplicity Itself.
"There are only two points In suc
cess." "What are they?"
"Work and keep other people from
working you."
Do It Now.
Decision never becomes easier by
postponement, while habit grows
stronger every day. Common sense as
well as conscience says, "Choose this
day." '
The teot of Fate are tender, for she
sets her steps not on the ground, but
on the heads of men. Homer.
"The world wipes its xeet on me,"
said the doormat
"And every hand is against me," said
the push button. Kansas City Star.
"I am continually being sat on," com
plained the soft cushion.
"And I get beaten hard for the light
eat thing," the egg groaned. Boston
Har Own Coin.
There was quite a scene the Other
tight at a certain bridge party. A loser
paid a lady with her Own 1. O. U.'s.
The lady said It was most ungentle
manly. She said she wouldn't have
minded being paid back In her own
coin, but she disliked paper uioney.
Excbange. The Harder Part. . '
"It is hard to teach an old dog new
tricks," quoted the wise guy.
"Yes, it's hard to And the new
tricks," added Ae simple mug. Phila
delphia Record.
Well Bred.
Gentleman That looks a well bred
dog. Owner 1 should think he was
well bred. Why, he won't have a bit
of dinner till he's got his collar on!
Puncb. There are about 26,800 worms to an
ere of cultivable land.
The First National Bank
OF REYNOLD8VILLE.
Capital and Surplus $ 1 75,000.00
Resources . . $500,000.00
Joan H. Zaucbbb, Prea.
John H. Kaucher
Henry 0. Delhle
OFFIOEKtj
J. 0. Kino, Viue-Prea. K. O. Bchookebs, Cashier
DIRECTORS ,
1. 0. King Dunlel Nolan
J. B. Hammond
John H.Oorbett
K. H. Wilson
Every Accommodation Consistent with Careful Banking
8hort 8torlea.
She Short stories seem quite the
thing Just now. He I should say so.
Nearly every fellow I meet stops and
tells me how short he Is. Boston Tran
script The Chatterbox.
"Miss Chatter Is a sort of talking
machine, Isn't she?"
"No, not a perfect machine. She
lacks the 'exhaust' "Baltimore Amer
ican. A good man does good merely by
living. Bulwer.
ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE.
Estate of Samuel T. Reynolds, lateoftbe
Borough of ReynoldsvlUe Pa., Deceased.
Notice la hereby riven that letters of ad
ministration upon the estate of Bald deced
ent have been granted to the undersigned.
All persons indebted to said estate are re
quested to make payment, aud those having
claims or demands against the same will
make them known without delay to
V. G. Reynolds,
Box 266, Johnstown, Penn'a.
Olimbnt W. Fltkh,
Attorney,
Of Course You Do !
X If you would eat rich food and feel at your het, take NATURE'S H ERB8. If you
want the best your food to digest, take NATURE'S HERBS. At the drug stores Is
the place you can get It; Use NATURE'S HERBS and you will never regret It. If
grim monBter death Is on your life's trail, take NATURE'S HERBS: Ii you want
good health over death to prevail, take NAIURE'B HERBS. NATURE'S HERBS
has met the monster death face to face, As Ills victim he pursued on his onward
pace: And never once yet has he given up a case, But delivered death's victim Into
good health's embrace. Use NAT URE'S IIEKBB and take no oilier. For it will be to
you a friend and a brother. And If (he enemy of health should dare to draw nigh;
With a smile on your face vou can bid It pass by. Some folks use salts In their buck
wheat batter, that their cakes may well digest s But take a NAIURE'B HEhB tablet
right after supper, you will Und it much the best. ;
For pale at the Drug Stores, Keynoldsville, Pa., A. Carl
son's store, PreBcottville, Jos. Bateson's store, Kathmel, Pa.
For Most People It Is Easier to Earn
i Money than to Save It.
But your earning ability will not continue
indefinitely, and it is therefore important to
save while you can. Make it a rule to de
deposit in this strong bank regular install
ments of your wages. This will provide you
with an income when earning money is not
so easy and for emergencies like sickness and
bereavement.
THE CITIZENS NATIONAL BANK
Do your banking with a bank that will pay you a
liberal rate of interest compounded twice a year
and allow you to withdraw same on demand no
notice required. You may deposit any amount
and at any time. We will do this. And no worry.
ar
The Peoples National Bank
CD f KOldest Bank in the County.)
KEYNOLDSVILLE, PENNSYLVANIA".
Capital and Profits $130,000.00. Resources $550,000.00.
NeW Also the
Spring Jackets Spring
NEW PERCALES Portfolio Of
I NEW GINGHAMS StvleS
NEW WAISTS
NEW DRESS GOODS from the
NEW SHOES AND American Ladies Tailoring
OXFORDS Company ,
For Men, Women and
Children. at
BING-STOKE CO:
. I
GentS 1 Made to your individ-
. r ual measurement. j
New Spring Qm m to
Suits I select from; 24 styles I
of suits, 18; styles of
J skirts, 12. 'dress de-
Gents'iNew Neckwear ' CZlsigns, 12-Dcoatl and CD
Gents' New Hats ' cape designs. ; CI
Gents New Hosiery 8 Bing-Stokc Co.
1
.A