fr "MEMOma OF DAN RICK," TUB CLOWN OF OUR BADDIE8. at Last, There li on Bala Book Ilrltnful of American Humor. Any bookseller will tell you that tha constant quest ot bit euatoroert li for "a book which will mako me laugh. The bookman la compelled to reply that the race of American bumorlsta has run out and comic lit erature Is scarcer than funny plays. A wide snle Is thorofore predicted for the "Memoirs ot Dan Illce," the Clown of Our Daddies, written by Marin Ward nrown, a bonk guar anteed to make you ronr with laugh . ter. The author presents to the pub lic a volume of the arenl Jester's most punRcnt Jokes, comic hnrangues, caustic hits upon men and manners, lectures, anecdotes, sketches of ad venture, original songs and poetical effusions; wise and witty, serious, natlrlcnt, and sentlmentnl sayings of the sawdust arena -.of other dnys. These "Memoirs" also contnln a Borles of adventnres and Incidents alternat ing from grnve to gay; descriptive scenes and thrilling events; 'the -record oMinlf a century of a remarkable life, In tho course of which the sub ject was brought Into contact with most of the nnllnnal celebrities of the day. The bonk abounds In anecdotes, humorous and otherwise; nnd It nf fords a clenrer view of the Inside mysteries of show life than any ac count heretofore published. Old Dnn Rice, as the proprietor of the famous "One Horse Show," was more of a national character than Artomui Ward, and this volume contains the humor which mndo the nation laugh even while tho great Civil War raged. ThlB fascinating book of BOO pages, beautifully Illustrated, will be sent postpaid to you for $1.R0. Address Book Publishing House, 134 Leonard treet, New York City. 34 CHARACTER. The sun Bet, but set not his hope: Stars rose; his faith was earlier up; Flixed on tho enormous gnlaxy. Deeper and older seemed his eye; And matched his sufferance sublime. The taciturnity of time. He spoke, and words more soft than rain Drought the Ago of Gold ngaln; His action won such reverence sweet Au hid all measure of the feat. Emerson. Don't dope yourself for every little pnin. It only hurts your stnmnch. Such pain comes u.iinlly from lnnil inflninmntion. A little rubbing with llnmlins Wizard Oil will stop it immediately. "I am a Republican In polities," he wroto, "nnd an honest young lawyer." "If you nro nn honest lawyer' came tlio reply, "you will have no compe tition, nnd if you' are a Republican the game laws will protect you. Everybody's Magazine. Mrs. Window's Soothing Syrup forChlldren teething, softens thririims, reduces iiillanima tion,ttlfu)siain,cures wind cohc,24c a buttle. AH In. The Hostess I hope you will like this punch. My husband worked over It all the afternoon, making It with his own hands. The Guests it's grand! Where Is your husbnnd? We must congratulate his. The Hostess Sorry, but ho can't be seen. I just put him to bed. Puck. Must Fight Something. Central American presidents had been warned that their governments must not fight each other. "But yon know we are not strong enough to flf.ht anybody else," they ex claimed nghnst. Philadelphia Lodger. DYSPEPSIA vi. . "Having taken your wonderful Tasca wl rets' for three months and being entirely gjj cured of stomach catarrh and dyspepsia, a mum u wurti or; prnise is nue 10 Casearets' for their wonderful composi tion. I have token numerous other so called remedies but 'without avail, and I find that Cascarets relieve more in a day than all the others I have taken would in year." James MeGune, lo3 Mercer St., Jersey City, N. J. Pleasant. P.i!ntb!o, Potent, Taste Rood. " l)o Good. Never Sicken, Weaken or (trine. Mo, 25c, .Sic. Nevr-r sold In bulk. The gen uine tablet ttntnpetl CC C. tiuaranteed to euro or your money back. 913 ARTIFICIAL EYE LARGEST STOCK. LOWEST PRICES. EUGENE HEARD & CO. Optometrists, 70S Peon Ave, Pittibn-fS. TOILET ANTISEPTIC NOTHING LIKE IT FOR TUC TCETTH Pasne excel any dentifrice lists Lb I li in cleansing, whitening and removing tartar from the -teeth, besides destroying all germs of decay and disease which ordinary j tooth preparations cannot do. 63 j S TUT 111(11 ITU Paxtine used as a mouth l I ML rVsUUsll wash disinfects the mouth Tf and throat, purifies the breath, and kills the germ I .1.:.L 11-1. .1 .l : .t i wiih.ii wirca iu uio mown, causing sore inrow, I bad teeth, bad breath, grippe, and much sickness, I TUff PVFC when inflamed, tired, acha I nw and bam, may bo iu instantly Believed and strengthened by Paxtine. ft ATA DRU "xtun wu' destroy the germs VA I Hnnn that cause catarrh, heal the in flammation and stop the discharge, it it suss lemedy for uterine catarrh. .,'.. Paxtine is a harmless yet powerful in t iermicide.diiinl edant and deodorizer. g,Used in bathing it destroys odors and leaves the body anrjseptically clean. , fOft ALC T DRUO TORES.SOO. plUt ON POSTPAID V Mn . w ' the LARGE SAMPLE FREE! , IOr. TMB PAXTON TOILET 00 BOSTON. MA&BV CAPTUHED BY BRIGANDS. Tteuter's correspondent at Usltiib Rlvea some additional particulars with reference to tho recent kidnap liifi ot Mr. Itobert Abbott, a British subject, In Salonika. When return ing houio at nbout 10 o'clock Iu tho evenhiR of March 21 ho had Just en tered the Burden and was within a few steps of his father's door when he was attacked by five or six men. Ono of thoso he partially stunned with a blow on tho side of the bend; another lie put "hors du combat" by a kick In tho stomach; while a third of the nssnilants had one of his fill ers severely bitten while trying to force a gnu lnlo Mr. Abbott's mouth. But tho victim wos speedily over powered; one of tho brigands sat upon his head, and nt this moment they seem to have administered chlo roform, its Mr. Abbott lost conscious ness, mid continued Iu a linlf-claz:d condition. Buffering from nnujea for two days afterward. llo recollocls being half carried and half walking, gagged and blind folded, for houio distance, two men supporting him under the armpits, after which ho was thrown Into a house, where ho Immediately fell Into a deep sleep. Tho following night ho was removed to another hbiiBK. Here the bandage was re moved from his eyes, and he could Bee that he was In a room tho floor and walls of which were cuncealed by rush matting, as If to render Idon tiflcatlon dimeult, while the windows were hermetically closed, the only light coming from a lump which was kept burning day and night. In thia room he remained for thirty-six days and nights, constantly watched by two of the band. Ills guards were quite kind to him, and, except for retaining him as their prisoner, did II they could to meet Ills wishes. Immediately after the capture Mr. Alfred Abbott, the father of the vic tim, sent n trusty servant to scour nil the villages In the neighborhood of Salonika; tho Vail ot Salonika al.?o sent out four secret agents to try to jrot on tho track ot the brigands. But these measures were without effect, and communication wltlithe band was at Inst opened by a letter found on April 6 In Mr. Abbott's garden nt Sa lonika. In this letter Mr. Ilobort Abbott Informed his father that he was in tho hands of n brigand band. Who demanded for him a ransom of 15,000 Turkish. A postscript, Which tho brigand chief added in pencil and in an evidently disguised handwriting, threatened thut the death or mutilation of the prisoner would be the consequence of any re fusal to pay or of any attempt to play false with the band by putting the authorities on their track. The loiter also named a rendezvous where an agent of Mr. Abbott's might meet with representatives of tho band to arrange details. Tho money was sent from Solonlka on the evening of April 25 under an eBcort of four armed men, and was handed over to the brigands at a point among tho hills four or five miles from Salonika. More than twenty brigands were seen on this oc casion. In conversation with Mr. Abbott's messenger, tho brigand chief Bald that the money would In no Bouse be thrown away, ns It would In sure lifelong happiness to a score of honest families! London Standard. THE MEDAL OF IIONOIt. Ouo day last March tho room of the Speaker of the House of Repre sentatives nt Washington witnessed an unusunl scene tho presentation of a medal of honor to a young Irish woman in recognition ot her remark able heroism fivo years nirn. nt rim terrible General Slocum disaster. The young woman of to-day wns then only a girl of fourteen, bmitpIv a year over from Ireland, nnd con valescing in sho Contagious Disease Hospital at North Broth Isilnrl from a severe attack of scarlet fever. It was hardly to be expected that one of life's great tests should come to a girl of fourteen. Ill in a hosnltnl Tn this girl, suddenly into tho quiet day, came the sight of the blazing vessel with Its awful ngony. Without hesitating a second, en tirely forgetful of her own weakness, she dashed down the stairs, out to the shore and Into the water, seized a baby which had just been thrown from the vessel, and wnded witn it to the shore. She returned for an other and another, until, In all, she had saved nine children; then she herself fainted and would have been drowned had she not been seen and rescued by one of the firemen from the hospital. A nearly fatal relapse followed and when bub recovered from that, she went to Washington, leaving no trace of her whereabouts. Meantime, Representative Goulden, of New York, having learned the etory of her heroism, immediately began a search for her, but It was not until a short time ago that she was discovered in a training school for nurses In Washington. Mr. Goulden at once applied to the government for a medal of honor and the sequel was1 the little ceremony In the Capi tol In March. Quick wit, heroism and self-sacrifice make a good foundation for suc cess in the profession this young woman has chosen, as well as in any other she might choose. The fine little incident only emphasizes afresh the capacity for heroism which burns dear and bright and ready for any emergency in the heart ot the eom mon duties of common daya; not In the men and women alone, but often even In children. Heroism is the soul's high heritage and the ranks of those who wear It nobly are always larger than we know. Youth's Companion. RUNNING TUB DIG RATIDS. Where the waters of half a conti nent become homuied Iu between the rock walls of the River Saskatche wan, at a point not a third of a mile wide, with Biii'h steep descent over huge boulders and rocky Islets that It could not bo any steeper without being a cataract, one can well bellove Miss Agues Laut'B declaration, In Scrlbner's Magazine, that at such a place "things are doing" In the river, Hho describes the passage ot these rapids as follows: "We heard tho far wh-u-sh, then the wild roar, then the full-throated shout of triumphant waters. You think your blond will not run any faster at that Bound after having run more rapids than you can count? Try It! "We snt up from our sluggish, easy postures. Then the river begnn to round and rise nnd boll In oil eddies, nnd tho canoo to bounce forward In leaps without any lift on our pnrt, then a rnco horse plunge, and we are hi the middle of furious tumult. "The Indian rises at the stern and leans eagerly forward. Even the cool Sexsmlth admits, 'This is a place where tho river really does things, Isn't It?' rtut tho Indian is pnddllng llko a concentrated fury. Then we shoot forward Into a vortex of whirl lug sheaves of wnter. " 'She strong she ver' strong rapid!' shouts the Indian, as we swirl past one rock and try to catch the current that will-whirl us past the next. Tull pull pull a strong pad din!' And we rise to a leap of wild waters, have plunged Into the trough and are climbing again before some one can remark, 'Say, I don't ever like sidling to rapids.' "There is a rock ahead about the size of a small house, where the wat ers are breaking, aqulver and white with rage. The Indian had risen again. 'Stop!' he yells. 'Don't pad dle! Let her go!' Dut he himself Is steering furiously as we graze past out to the bouncing waves. "So we run the Big Rnplds for about a mile, then ride a third rapid In n long, easy swell, and swerve in to the north." SAVED BY LUCKY SHOT. A big black bear taught Hubert Taker, of Croton Falls, a leBson that ho will not forget soon, and that Is, tho next time he goes hunting a bruin It will be with a rifle that shoots a bullet larger than a pea. Arthur Gaming killed this bear just in timo to save his friend Baker from a terri ble clawing and perhaps death. The animal was full-grown and after blood when ho1 was brought down by a lucky shot. Hunting parties started out after tho bear a week ago when his tracks were first seen In upper Westchester, but not until Monday did any one come up with him. It was a lone hunter who sighted him, and a shot warmed bruin Into a run which loft the mnn with the gun far behind. It waB late In the afternoon, and ho had no dog to follow the trail. Spots of blood In tVe snow told him that he had wounded the animal, but when the hunter had followed them nbout a mile' he concluded the bullet had done but slight damage and turned homeward. The news that some ono had seen the bear soon spread, and the first thing the next morning Baker and Gaming were out for bruin's scalp. They came upon him unexpectedly and Bnker, forgetting the Bmall cal ibre of his ride, fired nnd wounded the bear slightly, Smitrtlng from the shot of tho day before, the new wound put the animal Into a terrible rage, and he started for Baker, who tried another shot, which went wide. Cnnung called to Baker to take to his heels and leave him to try to bring the angered blackie down as he passed him. Baker was quite willing to take his friend's advice, but he had gono only a few yards when he stumbled. It was a time now to try a man's nervo. Ganung took careful aim and fired. With a snarl the bear turned upon his new enemy, and tried to reach him. Ganung's bullet, however, had found a spot that tapped the animal's life. New York World. A REMARKABLE WAR SCARE. A scene perhaps unique In warfare Is described by Lew Wallace, in his recently published Autobiography. He tells of the approach of a Federal regiment at Shlloh, and of how their commander stopped them from panic when they were under a heavy fire. "An officer rode swiftly round their left flank, and stopped when in front of them, his back to the enemy.' What he said I cound not hear, but from the motions of the men he was putting them through the manual of arms this notwithstanding some of them were dropping in the ranks. Taken all in all, that I think was the most audacious thing that came un der my observation during the war. The effect was magical. The colonel returned to his post in the rear, and the' regiment, steadied as if on pa rade, advanced in face of the Are pouring upon them, and actually en tered the wood." Plaster portraits are the fashion able form of "counterfeit present ment" in London. They are done In the form of miniature buBts or baa reliefs at the low price of $2.60 apiece. HTJNYOTJ'B EMINENT DOCTORS At YOUR SERVICE FREE. Not Penny to Pay For the Fullest Medical Examination. If you are in doubt as to the cause of your disease mall us a postal re questing a medical examlnatlonblnnk, which you will fill out and return to us. Our doctors will carefully diag nose your case, and if you can be cured you will be told bo; if you can not be cured you will be told so. You are not obligated to us In any way, for this advice Is absolutely free; you are at liberty to take our advice or not as you see fit. Send to-dny for a medi cal examination blank, 'fill out and return to us as promptly as possible, and our eminent doctors will dlngnose your case thoroughly absolutely free. Munyon's, 53d and Jefferson Sts., Philadelphia, Pa. Death Penalty In France. The public execution of a matricide In Paris a few tiny ago marked the restoration of the death penalty In Franco. It ha been fifteen yenrs since the guillotine was used Iu that country, nnd dispatches say that the execution on the boulevard In front of tho Santo prison attracted a big crowd. Capital punishment was abandoned in France boeuuso of tho belief that It did not prevent murder, but It has been learned that the abol ition of the death penalty does not les sen tho number of so-called capital crimes either. , DISOOUKAUEO WOMEN. A Word of Hope For Dcsimlrliig Ones. Kidney trouble makes weak, weary, worn women. Backache, hip pains, dizziness, ' headaches, nervousness, languor, urinary troubles make wom en suffer untold mis ery. Ailing kidneys are the cause. Core them. Mrs. E. 0. Corbln, 84 N. Depot St., Dalton.Ga., says: "My bedy was rackod with kidney aches and nalns. and nnmn- tlmes my arms were numb. I was dull and miserable all the time and hoped for death to relieve me. Doan'a Kidney Pills soon brought Improve ment, and finally made me a well woman." Remember the name Doan's. Sold by all dealers. CO cents a bot. Foa-ter-MIlburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Satirizes American Millionaires. . In a satirical article entitled "The Natural History of American Million aires," a writer In the Berllnor Tago blatt says: "They all came to New York, Chicago or Phlladoluphla with one shirt and with one cent In the pocket of the only other garment. Alll served as bootblacks, errand boys or even In more humble positions, nnd In the second wook had saved enough to buy a waistcoat. After one month they appeared before tholr respective employers clnd In new clothes and told them with Imposing solf-cocifl-dence that the organization of tholr business was defective nnd required re-organlzatlon. A year later the boy has ibecome a pnrtnor, In two years he has outstripped the former boss In wonlth, nnd a year later ho has grown smart enough to kill off the benefac tor of other daya." Selected 8elf Made This Ink. A Chinese newspaper contains tho following advertisement of a local manufacturer: "At the shop Tae Shing ('Prosperous in the extreme'), very good Ink. Fine! fine! Anclont shop, great grand father, grandfather, father; very hard; picked with care, selected self mndo Ink. Fine nnd hard, with attention. This Ink Is heavy; so Is gold. Tho eyes of the dragon glitter and dazzle; so does this ink. No one mnkes like It." Slmnkhai Courier. The harbor of Nagnsakl, Japan, Is one of tho safest and most convenient In the Orient. It Is spacious and al most land-locked nnd, having a mud bottom, affords excellent anohorago In depths varying from three and one half to 15 fathoms at Cow water, pmrlnir tides. Ready Cooked. The crisp, brown flakes of Post Toast ies Come to the breakfast table right, and exactly right from the package no bother; no delay. They have body too ; these Post Toasties are firm enough to give you a delicious substantial mouthful before they melt away. "The Taste Lingers." ' . Sold by Grocers. ' Made by POSTUM CEREAL CO., LIMITED, BATTLE CREEK, MICHIGAN. . . FORESTS FOR INDIANA Great Tracts of Waste Land Being Planted In Fast Growing Varieties. There seems to be a revival In tree planting in southern Indiana. The government forester and the Indiana board of forestry have for several years been advising tho farmers to plant forest trees. It is only of Into years that there seems to have been any marked results of these nppnnlls made by the government and the State, ays the IudlnniKiliB Star. In Warrick county and other coun ties In the southorn part of Indiana many farmers have utilized their waste tracts by sotting out black lo eusts, hardy catalpa and other varie ties of fust growing trees. This Is due hugely to the post famine that the farmers are having to contend with. It is almost Impossible to e cure good, lasting fence posts nnd the farmers nave found that the black !( cust, hardy cntalpa and Osage orange tiinka posts with coiiflilderable Doug evlty. Still, many farmers are grow ing trees on their waste tracts, con sidering it a good fl'imncliil Invest ment. , Soup Without a Spoon. Soup without n spoon seems even harder to negotiate than meat without a fork, and we can sympathize with tho complaint recorded in tho (II my of Felix Platter, a young 'Swiss, who wont to Montpellier In l.'i.ri2 In order to study medicine. He bulged In the house of his professor, Cutvliin, one of the grentest doctors of his time, and yet, writes Platter, we were com piled to eat our stew In tho usual French fashion that Is to say, pick Ing the inent out with our lingers nnd then drinking the broth. In vain wo begged our hostess to let us have K.poons, for not a single one was to be found In tho house, the only Imple ment on the tablo being a large knife fastened with nn Iron chain. No one here seems to hnvo ever heard of spoons, which we nt homo find bo use ful." Montaigne was astonished when he visited Switzerland, In 15S0, to find that "at all meals they put on the table as many spoons ns there are people present." London Chron icle. Animal's Length of Life. The maximum llength of life of some of the best known animals Is as fol lows: The horse lives to a maxi mum of 35 years and the donkoy a like period; the dog does not exceed 25 years, the rabbit from eight to 10, the goose 30, the duck, the hen and the turkey a dozen years. Among the animals having the best established reputation for longevity are: The crow, which lives a hun dred years; the parrot and the ele phant, which attain an nge of 150 years. Can), on the other hand, ap pear to have usurped their reputation which was based on III understood facts from Chantilly nnd Fountalno bleu. They rarely become centena rians. The tortoise appears to be the anlmr.n that lives the longest, and the record of longevity Is surely held by one weighing 250 kilograms, which was presented In 1904 to the Ixindon zoological gardens by Walter de Both fK li lid and which Is said to have been born In 1750. Ia Vulgarisation Scion tifiquc. Flowers Without Foliage. One of the most extraordinary flow era In cultivation Is Hall's amnryllls, which reverses the order of nature by blooming in midsummer without any foliage. Ordinary bulbs bloom In spring nnd rest In summer, but Hali'B nmaryllls suddenly npponrs out of the bare ground during the dry season. The extraordinary plant has fro grant, rosy lilac flowers which are banded with yellow. In tho spring the leaves make their growth, die down, and after a long Interval of rest the flower stalks appear with the strange effect here described. Garden Magazine. 8and Sprinkler. Madgcburg, Germany, has bought from an Inventor a Band-strewing wagon, to be used for strewing frozen streets with a coating of sand. The scheme Is unusually effective on as phalt streets, where horses have a hard time to maintain a footing In cold weather. Ninth "Hubby" a Failure. Mrs. Polly Weed Shlppert, of Naw burg, Ind., 70 years old, who recently married her ninth husband, has brought suit for divorce In the War rick county circuit court. She any In her complaint that her new hu band treated her cruelly; that he made her lo all tho menial work about the house while he sat around chewing and smoking tolmcco and innklng life miserable for her. Food Products Llhby's Cooked Cornell Beef Thcre'i marked distinc tion between Llbby Oookod OornaM Deof and even ;tha bttt that's'Sold in bulk. Evenly and mildly cured and scientifically cooked in Ubby'a Croat WMtm Kltohon, all - the natural flavor of the fresh, prima beef is retained. It is pure wholesome, delicious and ready to serve at meal time, Saves work and worry (a summer. Other Libby "Healthfur Meal-Time-Hints, all ready to serve, are: Posposs Dried Boot Vienna Sausage Veal loaf Cvaporated Milk uaitea ueanm Ohovf Ohow Mixed Plokl "Purity goes hand in hand with Products of the Libby brand". Write for free Booklet, "How to make Good Things to Eat". Insist Uboy'm t your grocers. Libby, MoNslll Ik Libby Oafotft IT-ff wA EXTRA M 121 ATYI71 A SAVINQ IN SHAVIIQ It's nothing mora or Iwk tb.n itr. guice to py a big prloe (or a ufetr-ruor. The only part that eonnts for anything (g the blailo. But tood blsls-Ya tba. betof Msdsv-doirt warrant tb. prfae usually demanded for the razor. Th blirirMt rait of what yon TT theroirular safetr-rasor Is for the fram and the boidHalln that don't AguNai all la the razor's value. f tore this for yourself. O K ,n STAMPS brings you S. ij IJ . one of these marvsllouf Razors, postpaid, by ma) BOOK PUB, HOCMS. 134 Leonard (street. Mew Tertc. CHICKENS EARN HONEY! II Too Know Bow to Bandit Tbsa fwpertfr Tj't,-l : r-u.-.i. ' utvuci fuu laun vjuitE' ens for fun or profit, yoa want to do it intelligently and get the beat results. Tba way to do this ia to profit by the experience of others. Ve offer a book telling all you need to know on the subject a book written by a man who made his living for 23 yean in raising Poultry, and in tnat time neces sarily had to ex periment and spent 25c. mucn money to III learn the beat way ' . - l . . L -' Stamps business for the small sum of 23 cents in postage stamps. It tells you how to Detect and Cure Disease, bow to Feed for Eggs, and also for Market, which Fowls to Bars for Breeding Purposes, and' indeed about everything yon must know on the subject to make a success. Rent postpaid on receipt of 20 cents in stamps. BOOK PUBLISHING BOOSE, 134 Leonard Street, New York City. P. N. V. 34, 1909. If aSllrt4 with weak ram i Thompsoa'sEyeWa ! A
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers