A MARE'5 NEST. "Mr. James Blunt has called and would like to Bee you for a minute, sir." "All right, Fosklt, show him up here." . "And It you please. Mr. Lovegrove, I should be much obliged If you will allow me to go out tor a couple of hours; my er my sister is coming to town, and er I " "Oh, that's all right, Fosklt. You have worked like a brick during this removal, and I don't think I shall want you this evening; but sister Fosklt, that's a bit thin eh?" Fosklt's face expanded with a broad grin, but he did not deny the soft impeachment, and even went so far as to allow himself the indul gence of a wink when he had closed the library door on his master. In a few minutes he returned with Mr. Blunt "Well, Jim, and what's blown you in tonight?" "Halloa, Charley, I didn't know you'd moved. I went round to the old address and was received by the estimable Susan Nlbler, who, inform ed me that you had taken up your bed and walked." "I had to, my boy, to preserve the domestic peace of my wigwam. As my wife's aunt. Miss Susan Nlbler is a woman to be tolerated, but a continual dose of a good thing is not proper for any man. When Kitty and I were married, Miss Nlbler insisted upon us taking up our abode with her. I had my doubts about the arranEement, and my forebodings were Justified. The old lady Is a pro fessional manhater, and the atmos phere was charged with quarrels from morning to night. Kitty vas al ways in tears, I developed chronic ill temper, and the more unhappy we were the more Joyful the old lady seemed to get." "And so you parted?" "After a storm of more than usual sultriness I cut the painter and steered our boat to this little backwater." "And how did the old lady take it?" "Well, dear boy, you'd have a hard Job to convince her that I haven't taken Kitty away for the fell purpose of taking her life by slow poison." "I can quite believe It, Charley. But I mustn't waste any more time; I came around to see if you would do me a favor." "Certainly, old chap; how much?" "Oh, it's not money this time; many thanks. What I want you to do is this: You see, my wife's cousin is coming down from Manchester, and arrives at Euston 8.30. My wife was going to meet her, but she's laid up with the 'flue,' and I can't go because I'm due at a dinner. Will you let your man, Fosklt, go to the station and put her in a cab?" "I'm sorry, old man, but I've let Fosklt go out for the evening." "That's awkward, and puts me in a hole. I say, Charley, be a good chap, and go yourself." "What, I? My dear Jim, do you want to get me into trouble? My little Kitty is the dearest girl in all the world, but there's no denying the fact that she's as Jealous of me as It is possible for anyone to be, and If she got to know that I met a strange lady at Euston Station well, the fat would splutter in the Are." "There's a good fellow, Just to ob lige me." "But I don't know the lady." "Oh, that's all right. I was so cer tain of Fosklt being able to go that I telegraphed to her to place herself in the hands of my messenger, who would be waiting under the big clock, and she would know him by the three Ted roses in his coat." "I don't like it, Jim; I tell you candidly." "It won't take you half an hour; you can go to Euston In ten minutes, and I shall be awfully obliged to you. Here are the roses. Don't forget 8.30, under the clock. Many thanks, old man." And before Charley Lovegrove could continue his protests Jim Blunt had gathered up his hat and stick and van ished. "Confound him, I wish he hadn't asked me to do it. I suppose I must ' go and pitch a little fairy tale to Kitty. I hate deceiving the dear girl; but it would never do to let her know that I was going to meet a strange lady." While he was was tnus soliloquizing hiS wife came into the room. vi say, Charley; now that we haven't got auntie with us, wouldn't it be nice If we had an hour or two at the thea tre tonight, and a cozy little supper after?" "Oh, I'm awfully sorry, Kitty, old girl, but I quite forgot to tell you that I promised to meet a man at the club matter of business, you know. I sha'n't be gone more than an hour." "Oh, Charley, you you are not go ing to start leaving me for that horrid club; and we we we-ve not been married a m-month?" 1 ','Now, Kitty, dear, don't be unrea sonable, and, for goodness' sake, don't start crying. Look here, I can't get out of this appointment at the club but I'll cut it as short as possible, ana we can do the little supper even If we miss the theatre." "This is what auntie told me it would be like in a week or two, and ' i "Oh, confound auntie!" ' "Yes, that is right; she said you would say that. Ah! you have had a visitor, a lady. Oh, who la she, Charley? Tell me, tell mo." "A lady? ' What do you mean?" "These roses, she has left them for you as a love token. Oh, why did I ever marry you?" "Because you loved me, I suppose. Now don't be silly,' dear; the only visitor I have had vas Jim Blunt, and I believe ha was taking these rosea home to his wife, who is laid up with the 'flue,' and he left them here by ac cident." "You you are getting tired of me." "What an accusation! Now, my dear little sweetheart, dry your pretty eyes, give me a kiss, and don't be fool ish. I am sorry that I have to go out tonight, but I will promise you to be back by 9; that wil Just give me an hour. Why, you will hardly have time to get ready." "And you do love me, Charley?" Charley'B response was not expressed in words, and in a few minutes the little storm had passed away and given place to bright smiles and happy laughter, and then he found himself free to set out on his mission. With the departure of her husband Kitty Lovegrove sat down with a book to spend a quiet hour until he return ed, but the fates willed that she was not to be left undisturbed, and this fact was heralded by a prodigious rat tat at the front door, which Kitty knew could only be executed by her aunt, the redoubtable Miss Susan Nlb ler. She came Into the room like a man- o'-war with full steam up and decks cleared for action. 'Oh, auntie, this Is an unexpected visit. We have Just finished dinner, but" Do not speak of dinner; I aft too full to eat." " "Oh, of course, If you have dined " "You mistake me, Kate; I mean that I am too full of grief. Where Is that lovely husband of yours?" "Charley has gone down to the club for an hour." 'The club! I'll club him. Oh my poor, poor girl my poor deluded niece! My heart bleeds lor you." 'Auntie, what do you mean? You frighten me." "Aye, and I'll frighten your husband, the perfidious, crawling monster. Oh, I knew it would come to this, I knew it!" 'Oh, what is it? Tell me at once." Did I not say to you that If you married that Charles Lovegrove you would regret It?" "Yes, you did; but I don't regret it." "Ah, my poor girl, you wtil when you hear my news. What if I prove to you that he is a blackguard, a scoun drel, and worse?" "I will not listen, while " "You will listen, even If I have to tie you hand and foot to make you do ii. i nave come 10 sarve you, ana to expose tho baseness of a crawling rep tile in the shape of a man." "Oh, will you tell me what you mean?" 'I will; so now listen -.ad be pre pared for a shock. Last week your lovely Charley bought a typewriter. Why?" "Because he said it would be useful." '.'And I have no doubt he does find it useful in carryln gon his clandes tine correspondence. 'Oh, do be quick and explain." 'This is the explanation; this let ter was returned to my house this morning by the postal authorities, marked 'Gone away.' " , 'But I don't understand. It is re turned to 'Charley.' " 'They returned it to the only sig nature on the letter; but open It, my dear open it; you will find another envelope inBide." "But how do you know that the letter is sealed down?" "My dear girl, you don't think that I am going to allow a man to play fast and loose with my only niece. I had that letter steaming over the ket tle two minutes after it was delivered." "Oh. I can't open it." "Then, my dear I will, for I am de termined that you shall know the kind of man you have married. There is the envelope; it is addressed to Miss Jane Bates, at an address in Willesden, and here is the missive which, if I mis take not, will land Cnarles Lovegrove in the felon's dock." "Auntie!" "Yes, I mean it; and now listen to this precious letter which your beau tiful Charles has clicked on his type writer. It commences, "My own dar ling girl; that is bad enough, but there is worse to follow: " 'I think I can make my escape for an hour or two on Thursday evening. If you can manage it, will you meet me at Euston Station, usual place about half-past 8? am longing to have a chat with my dear little wife. It is hard for us to be parted, but cheer up, we shall be together again as Boon as I have made enough money out of this menagerie. " 'With lots of love and kisses. " 'CHARLEY.' "There, my dear, what do you thick of that?" "But I what does it mean?" "What does It mean? Why, bigamy, of course. The scoundrel is already married, and is only watting until he can get hold of your money, and Chen he will desert you." "Oh. I can't believe it; lt'g not true." "What? You can't believe the evi dence cf your own eyes? The letter Is addressed from my house, and here, on the very evening he mentions, I find that he has loft you, for the first time since your marriage, and to go to his club his club, forsooth!" "Oh, what shall 1 do, what shall I do?" "Do? Why, get your hat and Jacket, put on a thick veil, and we will go to Euston Station and watch him meet this woman, and if lhat won't con vince you, nothing will. It is now a quarter past 8. Hurry up and we shall Just be In time." Impelled by the indomitable will or Susan Nlbler, and filled with the de sire to know the truth at all costs, Kitty Lovegrove dressed as quickly as possible, and in an incredibly short space of time they were speeding towards Euston. They dismissed the cab outside the station and flitted down the approach with the caution and dexterity of two Bavages stalking an enemy. And standing under the clock, swinging his stick with impatience, they discovered Charley Lovegrove, with the three red roses stuck prom inently in his buttonhole, emblemati cal of a danger signal. As Kitty and Susan Nlbler crouched in the shadows they saw a tall, golden haired girl, with a pretty, laughing face, come towards Charley with out stretched hand. They stood Joking and laughing for a moment, and then Charley detached the roses from his coat and the girl fastened them In her dress. After a little while they en tered a bansom and drove away to gether. By the time Miss Nlbler got her niece home again, Kitty was in a half fainting condition, and as the ser vants were all out for the evening she took the poor ' glrJ into the kitchen and soused her liberally with water. "Now, my dear, this is no time for fainting; you must bear up, and we'll show Charles Lovegrove that he can not commit bigamy with impunity." "Oh, but, auntie, there must be some mistake!" "There Is no mistake. I believe that man is capable of anything, and it would not surprise me to find that he had a dozen wives." "Oh, auntie, how can you?" "I can, that's why, and you see if my words don't come true. Hark! What is that? There is someone knocking at the side gate." "It will be one of the servants re turning." "Don't you move, my dear. I will open the door myself." Miss Nibler opened the side door, and a young woman walked into the kitchen. She stood for a moment star ing in surprise. "Oh, I beg your pardon; I I come to see Charley I mean my husband." "What? Charley your husband?" "Yes. Wo were niarrier secretly about twelve months ago, but as he lost all his money, we had to part for a time. I am sorry I have disturbed you if he is not in." 'There, my poor niece, see how my words are coming true. A trlgamist! A trlgamist, that's what he is a trlg amist." "Oh, don't! It's terrible terrible!" "Oh, it is nothing to what we shall find out. The man is an utter scoun drel." "I beg your pardon," said the new- comer, "but you are talking about my Charley?" "Yes, your Charley; and how many other people's Charley we don't know yet. You look a respectable young woman, but I am sorry to tell you that the man you married is a knave. You say you became his wife twelve months ago, and yet only three weeks ago he married my niece, and we saw him meet his third wife tonight at the station and drive oft with her." Are you mad?" 'No, I a xnnot; I am very sane In deed. But you two people seem to be mentally deficient to allow such a man to deceive you." You mean to tell me that my Charley has married this lady?" 'I da" Then when I get hold of him It will be the worst day's work he ever did In his life. This, then. Is the rea' son why he wished me to keep our marriage secret, pretending that he'd lost all his money, and me having to go out to service again, while he lived in clover. Oh, where is he? Let me get at him!" "That'B right; that's the spirit I like to see. Come Into the drawing-room, and when he comes home we shall see what he will say when he is confront' ed with two of his victims. Bear up, Kitty, my dear, and trust Susan Nibler to see you through this." She snorted like a war horse scent ing the battle, and led the way to the drawing-room. She had hardly switched on the lights when a latch key was inserted in the front door and Charley Lovegrove's step was heard in the hall. "Kitty, you sit on the couch, and you, young woman, step Into the con servatory and come out when I call you." Miss Nlbler sat bolt upright in a high-backed chair, and then Charlie entered the room. "Halloa, aunt, this is an unexpected pleasure." "Then the pleasure is all on one side." "Well, so long as one of us is pleased, that is something. But what Is the matter, Kitty, that you have been crying?' "Oh, Charles, Charles, how could you do it?" "Do what?" "It is useless to brawn It out. Charles Lovegrove; we have dlscov ered everything." . "Well, the air is so frigid that shouldn't be surprised if 'everything included the North Pole." "Ah, you will not Jest when you find yourself in tho felon's dock." "Felon's dock! What for?" "Bigamy." "Bigamy? Oh, this beyond a Joke." "I am glad you begin to think so. Perhaps you will deny that you are the writer of this letter, which was returned to my house?" ' Charley took the letter and read it. "I most certainly deny it. I never saw it before in my life." 'Oh, we are quite prepared for a tissue of falsehoods; and now, per haps, you will deny that you met a young lady under the clock, at Euston Station this evening?" "No I oh, by Georgi "Yes, It is by George! And I am glad to see that you have the grace to hesitate before telling anotner un truth." "It wasn't that. I was thinking of the coincidence that you should re ceive this letter and Jim Blunt should ask me to meet his cousin for him at the same time that this mysterious Charley fixes." 'Oh, you are dragging Jim Blunt into it now. You men always back each other up." "I tell you that Jim Blunt came here tonight and asked me to meet his wife's cousin, who was coming down from Manchester. I did not say any thing about It to Kitty, because she Is sucha Jealous little girl." "Oh, Charley, how cruel of you." "Walt a bit, Kitty, my dear. He has denied wife number one, but we will now see If he can dispose of the second young woman." "Second young woman! Have you got any more of my wives about?" "Ah, then you admit that there la a plurality?" . "Oh, you are talking rubbish." "You will not say it is rubbish when I tell you that your other victim is here In this house." Then, for goodness' sake, produce her; trot her out, and let her fall up on my neck and call me Charley." "Your wish shall be gratified. Come here, my poor deluded woman. Now, sir, here is another of your victims. Deny her rights as your wife if you can." "I not only can, but I do. The lady Is an entire stranger to me." "Woman, is not this man your hus band?" 'No, no, that Is not my husband- that is not my Charley." 'Then what do you mean by com ing here nnd Baying; that he was?" At that moment the door opened, and Fosklt, the butler, entered the room. "There Is my husband. Oh, Charley, Charley!" 'What docs this mean?" asked Love grove. "Here, Fosklt, what's your front name?" "Charles, sir." "And are you the author of this pre cious letter?" 'Yes, sir, I sent it to my wife over a week ago, asking her to meet me at Euston Station, but she don't appear to have received it, nnd so she didn't turn up." "Because the family I was with have moved, Charley, and I came here tonight to give you ray new address." "Well, I think that disposes of wife number two, Miss Nlbler; do you hap pen, to have any more about the prem ises?" "Oh, Charley, Charley, and you are not a bigamist?" "No, Kitty, not yet." "Oh, I am Borry I doubted you! Do forgive me! It was ali auntie's fault." 'And this la all the thanks I get for trying to do my duty," sniffed Miss Nibler. "Some people would be better em ployed In minding their own business Instead of trying to make trouble for others; hut I must say that in the combination of circumstances things looked very much against me. Coin cidences, however, have a habit of cropping up, and before pronouncing a person guilty It Is always well to make perfectly sure that we have not found a mare's nest." Tit-Bits. Dr. Sven Hedln. Dr. Sven Hedln, the famous travel er, concerning whose disappearance in Thibet there Is considerable anxiety in Sweden, comes of an old family which for the last century and a half has been to the fore In the Swedish capital. His father was an architect to the city of Stockholm an office from which he has now retired. It was Dr. Nordensklold's triumphant entry Into Stockholm on board the Vega on April 4, 1880, after having compassed the northeast passage, that first turned Hedin's mind to thoughts of travel. Ho was a distinguished student, and after graduating he went to Baku as tutor in the house of a Swedish engineer. While, laid aside by illness there, he taught himself the Russian and the Tartar languages, which he found of inestimable service In later years when he was traveling In Central Asia. Hedin's favorite books are the Bible and "Ben Hur." Westminster Gazette. The Doctor' Instruction. Doctor (upon finding his patient weaker than before) What does this mean? Haven't you been following my Instructions? Patient (feebly) Yes, doctor. Doctor Been eating animal food right along, have you? , Patient (grimly trying to smile) Well, doctor, I tried to, but somehow It did not seem to agree with me very well. I managed to worry down the hay and the clover tops all right, but the thistles kind of stuck In my throat, and I had to give it up." Judge. Oysters live In water which con tains about one part salt to 27 of water. FATHER, DEAR FATHERI rather, tloar father, come liom with me now, The clock on the dashboard strikes one! Don't fuss with tho cur any longer, pupah, You can't get the old tub to run! The cylinder' cracked and the timer won't work, ' And mother' been waiting since tea. So tether the car te a post, father dear. And come home on the trolley with niel Come home, come home &c. Father, dear father, cdme home with me now. The speed meter clock' striking two! The night has grown colder, the rear tire' flat And mamma may fret about you. The cam shart Is twisted, the pump out of gear; . Perhaps before morning shall dawn, Ma may grow real angry and want a divorce Come quickly, or she may be gone! Come home, come home &e. Father, dear father, fly home with me now, The clock' trilling three! it' struck out! Don't fool any more with magneto and coil; The wire have grounded, no doubt! The child' plea was aaswered the an swer was short, . Which the night wind repeat as they roam ; The gas tank exploded ome noise and some smoke, And father and daughter blew homel We're home, we're home! &c. Judge. Bobby "Pa, what's a press cen sor?" Pa "He's a man who knows more than he thinks other people should." Judge. Left "I'm liberal In my opinions." Right "Yes, you're so blamed liberal that you lavish' 'em on everybody that will stand for It" Cleveland Leader. Manager "Have you a problem In your play?" Author "One of the greatest." Manager "What Is it?" Author "How to get it produced." Baltimore American. Mrs. Meeker "Oh, doctor, my hus band seems to be wandering In his mind this morning." Doctor "Don't let that worry you; he can't go very far." Chicago Dally News. "I see where the baby Prince of Spain is an officer In the army. In what division i3 he?" "I don't know, but it is natural to Buppose that he is in the " infantry." Baltimore Amerl can. Cholly "Let me see what's that quotation about a nod being as good as a wink, and so forth?" Fweddy "Why er I can't think" Cholly "Oh, I know that. I'm asking you to try to remember." Chicago Tribune. "Here, Willie!" cried the boy's father, "you musn't behave that way. Everybody will be calling you a little glutton. Do you know what that Is?" "I suppose," replied Willie, "It's a big" glutton's little boy." Philadel phia Press. "Mr. Grumbley writes, 'I don't see how you can have nerve to sell your worthless remedy for fifty cents a bottle.'" 'Oh, indeed! Well, strike out 'have nerve to," and 'worthless,' and put the letter In our testimon ials." Judge. Village ' school mistress "As for you, Willie Tompkins, yours is a dou ble offence. Why didn't you give up your apples w.hen the other boys did?" Willie "Please, 'm I thought you only wanted enough to make a pie!" Punch. Applicant (in metropolitan news paper office) "Yes, sir; I am ready to aceept any position from office boy to chief editorial writer." Pro prietor "The editorial Jobs are all full at present Sorry." "How about that of office boy?". "You don't know enough." Life. "So you want to be a consul la an English city?" asked the President "Yes, sir," answered the candidate, promptly. "What claim have you on such an office?" "I voted for you." "Yes, but what are your qualifica tions?" "I speak the language fluent ly." Chicago Dally News. Pride of Ancestry A germ nudged his neighbor eagerly. "See that fe male coming yonder, with the grand air? She's a colonial dame." "A which?" "A colonial dame. Her ancestors were among the first thir teen colonies of bacteria in American drinking water." Puck. A Notable Performance. A member of the school board of Philadelphia describes a unique school house In northern Pennsylvania, where the schoolmaster keeps his boys grind ing steadily at their desks, but some times permits them to nibble, from their lunch boxes as they work. One day the pedagogue was instruct ing a class in arithmetic when he noticed that one pupil was devoting more attention to a piece of pie than to his lesson. "William," commanded the stern mentor, "will you pay attention to the lesson?" "I'm listening, sir," said the boy. "Listening, are you?" exclaimed the master. "Then you re listening with one ear and eating pie with tho other." Harper's Weekly. Canceled Money Orders. The other day some 300 tons of waste paper was shipped out of this city to a paper mill In Michigan to, be ground Into pulp. This stock repre sented the accumulations of four years of canceled money orders, to talling 2,500,000 sheets and once rep resenting a value of $1,600,000,000. Washington Star. In the French schools In Algiers and Tunis the Arabic boys sit with the French In school, but out of school they do not mix much. THE "Jrd VJISJLEEMA. Flounder a l.'Orly. Two and a halt teaspoynfuis of flour, two eggs, two tablespoonf uls of olive oil, two tablespoonfuls of milk, one teaspoonful of tarragon vinegar, ne teaBpoonful of tarragon vinegar, one tablespoonful chopped parsley and one of onion, salt and fillets of floun der. First make the following batter, as It Is best to stand: Mix the flour and salt together, then add two yolks of eggs and one white of egg, also ona tablespoonful olive oil, and lastly tho milk. Mix these Ingredients well, hut lightly, and let It stand. Mix together the rest of the oil, the vinegars, pars ley, onion, pepper and salt. Fillet a nice fresh flounder, cut each fillet In two and lay each piece to soak for ten or fifteen minutes In the mixture you have Just made, 'ihen take up each piece of fish with skew er, dip It In the batter, and fry a gold en brown In plenty of smoking hot fat Drain on white paper. Serve hot with fried parsley. Gingerbread. A well made gingerbread Is much better cake on certain occasions than a fruit cake, and 1b quite superior to a coarsely made cake. A chocolate Icing Is particularly nice on a molass es sponge cake flavored with ginger. To make this cake put into a pan two cupfuls of molasses, a cup and three quarters lard and butter mixed or all butter, a tablespoonful ginger and the same amount of hot water poured over a tablespoonful of soda. ' Stir In enough flour to make a batter about as stiff as for a sponge cake. It Bhould be soft enough to spread out when poured In a biscuit pan. As gingerbread burns easily, Is should be protected at top and bottom. An as bestos griddle set under the pan Is a protection against scorch. When the cake la done lift the pan out of the oven without Jarring, and let it re main In the tin until nearly cold. For the Icing, stir two squares of un sweetened grated chocolate with two to five tablespoonfuls of boiling wa ter and stir the mixture over the fire until smooth and glossy. Spread on evenly while the cake Is a trifle warm, then let it remain in the pan until cold. Cut in squares and, when the icing Is hard, iflt it out. New Haven Register, Dressed Crab. One good-sized crab, oil and vinegar to taste, Bait and pepper, one heap ing tablespoonful of fresh whits bread crumbs, two teaspoonfuls of finely chopped parBley, one tablespoon ful of butter. Choose, if possible, a crab with large claws, and one which feels heavy for its size. After boiling remove all the meat from the body, carefully picking It out from the claws and the bony part In the middle. The flesh Is of two kinds one dark and soft, and the other white and firm. Separate the white kind Into shreds with a fork. When the shell is empty, wash It carefully, then rub It over with a lit tle melted butter to polish it. Then chip off the under portion of the shell so as to leave a neat, evon edge. ' Mix the soft substance with the crumbs, then add oil, vinegar, salt and pepper ;to taste. Next sprinkle the white meat with oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. Fill the Bhell with the two mixtures, arranging them alternately, so that they appear In stripes. Sepa rate each stripe by a tbln line of fine ly chopped parsley. Beat the butter slightly; then, with a forcing-bag, pipe it prettily round the edge of the crab shell. Arrange the small claws threaded together, in a circle on a lace paper. Place the shell on this and garnish it with a little fresh parsley. Household Hints. For sting of poisonous Insect wash wound with salt or soda water. Hang an empty cocoa box under your matchbox to put burnt matches In. Insects like neither salt nor alum, and enough adheres to the carpet to keep them away. Cutting onions, turnips and carrots across the fiber makes them more ten der when cooked. To singe chickens hold them over a saucer of burning alcohol. It does not leave soot on the flesh. Slight stains can be removed from black cloth by rubbing with a freshly cut raw potato, wiping with a clean cloth. To destroy files use the following: Infusion of quassia, one pint; brown sugar, four ounces; ground pepper, two ounces. Mix this well together and put In shallow dishes when re quired. Kerosene will remove tar, varnish, aud other like substances from the hands, and will also cleanse varnish brushes. A bit of flanmii dipped in the oil will usually be sufficient to clean the hands. To destroy flies in a room take half a teaspoonful of black pepper in pow der, one teaspoonful of cream, and mix well together. Placo them in room on plate where files are trouble some and they will soon disappear. The. noises of squeeky hinges may be stopped by putting on kerosene oil. Brass beds may be kept in con dition by rubbing them once or twlco a month with olive oil. The oil Bhould be put on with a soft flannel clpth and rubbed off almost immed iately with cheesecloth.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers