'- - ' BANFSHED THE BORE. A Remedy That Dampened Hit Ardor For Sitting. The TipaJ of ft (urenu In an Impor tant government depart men t lias long been nlllleted with u friend who culls upon HI in regularly and sits dotvu and elts and sits and goes on sitting till assault and battery becomes a virtue. The other day this sedentary bore was in the full exercise of his functions hcn suddenly the olllcial, who had ' been srnilliil.liig lilm closely, cried: "I knew It! I was sure of It! Confound those olllce boys, with their tricks on slrnuguisl They've beeu putting glue on your chair again. Ill, Jiimnie, bring a sponge and a pall of water!" And, pressing with all his weight on the shoulders of Ills victim to keep lilm down, he continued: "Don't stir; you'd , tear the cloth sure. Nothing Is half so adhesive ns glue on a enne seat chair. Here, .llmtnle, moisten tills gentleman so that we can get him loose. Don't spare the water; the cloth won't shrink or fade." The faithful messenger obeys, and when the operation Is con cluded the olllcial conducts the visitor to the door and bids him farewell, with the remark: "Perhaps you want to hur ry home and change your clothing, so I won't keep you. Goodby, bless you! If your trousers are spoiled, let me know, and I'll stop the price of them out of the pay of the Infernal scoundrel If I can find out who he was, and to that task I will devote all the energies of my lifetime nnd the whole machinery of the government Goodby! The scoundrel I I thought for several days past that there was something wrong His friend goes like the visions of youth, never to return. Argonaut. COIN SWEATING. An Illegal Practice Which Has Fallen Into Disuse. Closely allied to the making of coun terfeit coins and usually combined with thnt nefarious trade Is what Is known as "sweating," which requires considerable skill to accomplish suc cessfully. A rubber mold Is used, Into which a gold coin to be sweated Is In troduced and held with a clip. Copper wires having been adjusted, the coin Is Immersed In a batb'of cyanide of potassium and nn electric battery set going. The action of the electricity upon the coin In the ncld uniformly sweats the metal that Is to say, causes so much of It to become detached. This process Is gone through with n large number of coins, nnd the gold deposit thus obtained Is extracted from the acid. It is for the purpose of detecting the existence of such reduced Coins thnt bankers weigh gold coins In a balance, nnd if one is In the scale It will Imme diately be shown by the indicator. The light coin Is then taken out, and what ever the shortage represents that amount the customer will have to make up or be fined. . But, all things considered, sweating Is but a poor business, says II. L. Adam in bis Interesting book. The Story' of Crime," and evidently It Is thought so by the criminal fraternity, for it has dwindled to a mere nothing. A sovereign weighs 123.27447 grains, nnd the limit of error in the weight is .2 of a grain, from which it may readily bo gathered that sweating can not now be a very lucrative business. Ixradon Tit-Bits. The Waist Came Back. "The other day I hung my prettiest waist out on the line at the kitchen window," said the flat dweller, "after I washed it. Then I forgot all about it, nnd when T went to look for it two days later It was gone. I rushed fran tically down to the Janitress, and we climbed together over the coal Into the area to look for the waist I lamented deeply. It waa a beautiful waist We couldn't find it The Janitor came from the next house and helped us look, but there was nothing doing. I came sadly In at the window back over the coal and ascended to my sixth story fiat "The next day I looked in the draw er of my chiffonier and found the waist there. Say anything to the Janitress? Well, I reckon not" New York Tress. Curbing the Suffragette. "It's all right Mary," be said pa tiently. "Go In for politics and stand for the London county council if you want to. But remember one thing the cartoonists will be after you as soon as you're a candidate." - , "I don't care." "And they'll put your picture In the paper with your hair out of curl and your hat on crooked." "Do you think they would do that? apprehensively. "Of course. And they'll make your Paris gowns look like calico and say that your sealskin cloak is imitation." "William," she said,. "I think I'll Just stay here and make the home happy." London Tatler. Too Hazardous. Tessir," admitted a waiter, "I shall be compelled to throw up my situation here." "Indeed! What la the matter?" "More than I can put up with. The governor Insists on my eating mush rooms In the presence of customers to prove they are edible fungi" London Tit-Blta. No End or Trees. "Did your ancestor have a family tree, Mr. Maguire?" "Family tree, Is It, ma'am? One of me ancestors controlled th' intire tim ber privilege of the garden of Eden." Cleveland Plain Dealer. An IrUh philosopher says it'a a great Messina that night comet on late In the day when one Is too tired to work longer. EXPERIMENTAL MATRIMONY. Trial Marriaua Is the flule Among ' Many Peoples. ,' Aiming many people of the world trial timiTlnes lire the ifcccpted cus tom. Amelia the Greeks "marriage Is considered only ns a temporary con venience, not binding on the parties more tlinn one year." the consequence lelng thnt ''a large proportion of the old ami middle aged men by frequent changing In we hml ninny wives, mill their children, scattered around the country, lire unknown to them." Evi dences of similar pjnctlees of experi mental matrimony and connubial vari ety are round among ninny of the American Indian tribes on both conti nents. In part of Greenland six mouths Is the trial dead line.v husband nnd wife separating If the "two-henrts-two-minds" theory develops discord Instead of harmony. Marriage among the Hotocudos, ac cording to Kenne, Is of a purely tempo rary nature, "dissolved on the slightest pretext or without any pretext at all merely through love of change or-en-price." "In Tasmania," says Dr. Mllllgan. "trial mnrrlngos result In n succession of wives." In Samon the wife's tenure of office Is frequently limited to n few days or weeks, and marriage Is sometimes only nn excuse for the feasts and festivals so dear to the hearts of the pleasure loving natives. In the Indian archipelago It is a com mon practice for formal marriages to be limited, sometimes for only n month and at others for a period of several years. Schoolcraft IT WAS GENUINE. The William Shakespeare Signature That Admiral Luce Had. Admiral Luce was In command of the north Atlantic squadron In 188-". and his flagship for n time was an chored In New York bny, where It was visited by ninny people. One day a party came aboard which Included, among others, a very pretty girl nnd a veryVllgiilflod nnd learned Englishman. As Admiral Luce was entertaining them lu his cabin he atfkcd the pretty girl if she would like to see an original autograph of William Shakespeare. At this the dignified and learned Englishman pricked up his cars and remarked that he had made n study of the autographs of. Shakespeare and was positive, there was no authentic example In America. Admiral Luce re plied that he was very positive his was authentic and that Its genuineness had never been questioned. This made the Britisher quite mad, and he delivered a lecture on the fraudulent autographs and manuscripts that were brought over to Amerlrn and exhibited ns originals.- "Well," replied the admiral, "I am convinced thnt my autograph of Wil liam Shakespeare Is genuine, and 1 am going to have the pleasure of show ing It to this young lady," whereupon he went to his desk, took out his vis itor's book, turned back a few pages and then pointed out the signature, "William Shakespeare, mayor of New Orleans, Jan. 12, 1885." The English man gave a painful gasp and retired. A Welsh College Yell. The sooner the college yell Is intro duced Into England the better It will be for the youth of the land. In Wales they have It and see how Wales always beats all opponents at football This is the cheery shout of the Aberystwyth students when their men are engaged in any athletic con test: "Hip, hip, hurrah! Hip, blp, hur rah! Hip, hip, hip, hurrah! Boom! Warra! Ishmabl! Isbmabl! Keczlc, keezle, wagga, wagga! Keezle, kee tle, wagga, waggal Ishmabl! Keezle wagga! Boom! Wal Ra! Tschz!" Now, that is something like a yell. One can sec at a glance that It contains, at any rate, some of the elements which go to make up a yell. It would inspire a caterpillar. A pew opener who had that shouted in bis ear would sprint out and die for bis country. London Globe. The Birth of Christ. The exact date of the birth of Christ Is unknown. Among the early churches there was no agreement ns to the date of the Nativity, some celebrating it in April or May, others in January. Dec. 25 can hardly be exact, for it falls In the rainy season of Judea, when shep herds would not have been watching their flocks by night in the open. The December date came Into general ob servance nnturally, but gradually. When the heathen races of the north were Christianized they simply substi tuted for tbelr Tulo celebration In De cember the observance of the birth of Christ Looking Backward. A Mississippi official tells of a col ored citizen of that state who gave a Justice of the peace a big fat possum as a wedding fee. A year after the Justice on meeting the darky asked: "Joe, how do you like married life?" "Well, sah," answered Joe ruefully, "all I kin say la I wish I'd eat dat pos sum." , . The Best Authority. Hettle Harry is a man always to be trusted. He has never deceived me. Clara But how do yon know that? Hettle Know H? Why, he told me so himself only last evening. Boston Transcript Vindication. The Lady (to hastily retreating bur glar) Pardon me, but won't you please wait till my husband sees you? I told him there was some one In the house,! and be sold "Rubbish!" Harper's Baser. SENSE IN EXERCISE. The Weakness That Cornea With Great Muscular Exertion. ' It is n curious fact that perfdet health Is not consistent with high muscular development Professional athletes and all meu who acquire phenomenal strength seem to lose In length of life and activity whnt they gain for u few years of record breaking powers.. I wns privileged to see on Beveral occasions Louis Cyr, the Canadian glnnt. who broke nil weight lift lil t records. He weighed 321) pounds nnd was nil solid bone and inusclo. I saw him bold his wife out at arm's length with one hnnd. - I saw him raise n 3(0 pound barrel from the floor to his shoulder, using only one hnnd nnd arm. I saw him get down on all fours un der a platform bearing 4.(100 pounds of big men selected from the the audi ence, nnd he raised the platform with his mighty back. Vet this remarkable man wns muscle bound nnd crippled at thirty-seven, when he should hnve beeu nt tho height of his wonderful powers. Kennedy, the onrsman, who won a diamond belt for lifting with bis hands from the floor absolutely with nit ap paratus a thotirand pound welg'it, wns used up nnd crippled before he wn forty. Dowd, professional strong man and teacher of athletics, wore himself out and died nt forty -seven. "Common Sense In Exorcise," by Chnrles II. Cochrane, In Metropolitan Magazine. NATURE CURES. Medicine Helps, of Couree, but Faith la a Powerful Factor. There's n truth at the basis of nit this discussion of disease nnd Its cure which, despite the fnct that it has been apparent for generations. Is still too lit tle understood by people in general. Iu fact, appearances would lead to the belief that it is not appreciated by nil physicians. It Is tho truth thnt not the medicine, but nature, cures the 111. Tho most thnt medicine can do Is to place the patient In n condition most favorable for the work of nature. Hero comes In the value of this ele ment of fnlth. . It Is the best possible help to nature the firm belief thnt you'll get well. It may well take the place of innuy drugs. It . may In In stances displace tho need of the physi cian. Even the surgeon can do no more. He simply cuts nwny debris, puts the body In the best trim he knows how, adjusts merely mechan ical breaks or displacements and waits for nature to do the rest- The physi cian who pours in an Inordinate amount of drugs thinks he Is assisting nature. As n matter of fuct, he Is sometime Impeding her. The best physicians; In all except extreme enses, use few med icines, and those ns mild as possible. New Haven Register. - On Heaven. "If I could be out of physical pain," said a lifelong Invalid, "I would ask no other heaven." "If I could be In a place where I might know that my husband never could be killed on the train I" cried one of the gentle "wor riers" whoso capacity for suffering is neither understood nor respected by the sanguine. "If I could take - my children to a world where every time I hear a croupy cough my heart did not stand still with terror," urged an other, "that would be heaven for me." The mulatto girl who burst Into Joyful tears at first sight of a marble bust of herself "because it was white" had a glimpse of her heaven before Us time. "Heaven must be like any other form of happiness, only 'more so,'" said a thoughtful man. "And the conditions of happiness are three a clean con science, something to do and soma one to love." Elizabeth Stuart Phelps In Harper's Bazar. They Go Together. "Henry," said the young wife, who had taken up physical culture, "how do you think I am built?" "My dear," replied her husband fond ly, "you are built like a watch." ' "Thank you, Henry. And, Henry?" "Well." "If If I am built like a watch, don't you think I should have a few Jew els?" And then Henry frowned and said the man who compliments a woman is an Idiot Bilious Spells A HABIT. Year alter year you suffer from attack ol bilious headache, indigestion, constipation al ternating with looteneM of the bowel, dbii. Dew, despondency and ill temper, until your trouble becomes a habit, or develops into Bright disease ol the kidneys. You can break this chain ol bondage by the use of Dr. A. W. Chase's Kidney and Liver Pills They cure biliousness and constipab'oo by reason of their direct and specific action on the liver, ensuring the filtering of the bile from the blood, where it is poison and pasting it into the intestines where t is necessary to aid di gestion and regulate the bowels. This great medicine is backed by the skill and integrity of the famous Receipt Book author, A. W. Chase, M. D. One pill a dote, 25 cents a box, at all dealers or Dr. A. W. Chase Medicine Co, Buffalo, N. Y. Mrs. S. M Walking, Lowell St, Ionia, Mich, stateat "I had great trouble with my kidneys, torpid irr of the liver and biliousness, and have found the use of Dr. A. W. Chase's Kidney and Liver Pills moat gratifying. They restored the organs to normal and healthful action and , made me welL" For Sale by Stoke & Feloht Drug Co. HUGHES & FLEMING. FCNERAL DIRECTORS. AN ALLITERATIVE ALLEGORY. x - Serene Buannna alts beside the strenm, ' Where timid trout "are trying- to nttnln The gourmet glory of the srolden Rlcani Of tiles fur which the fnollgli flail are ' fain. fine baits her bended barb and bends her back To trail the tempting; tidbit In the tide. Of lively leapa there ia a Instinct lack, But biteless beauties boldly there abide. At last the lass, alas, allured by love Of angling, avid In tho ancient nrt, Outbemla the brooklet's beetling bluff above - ' And strains her strength the atruggllng atunt to start., Susanna slips, ao slick the slimy sod. She smites the surface with a smoth ered shriek. Bhe weighs three hundred pounds, and, by the rod. She npleahes nil the fishes from the creek! 1 Kobertus LoVe In' New York Bun. Not Well Acquainted. The Camel Here! Keep your tall out of my fodder! The Elephant Well, you tiowln't get your back upl Labor 8aving Device. "Yes, slroe," said the , freckled lad proudly, "my dad's a genius, be is." "That bui" responded tho weary cof fee mill agcut. "Waal, I should say sol Dud noticed that every time the old hound came around Sunday mornings he began wagging his stumpy tail." "Anything unusual iu that, sonny?" "No, not for the hound, mister, but dad got up the idea of attaching a shoe brush and a whisk broom to Bow ser's tall. Now when dad Is ready to go to meeting his shoes are shlncd and the legs of his trousers are dusted without his moving a finger. By gosh, dad's got as much brains as a furrln diplomat!" Detroit Tribune. A Satisfactory Compact, At a goldcu wedding celebration tho groom of fifty years agono referred to the perfect unanimity and concord there had existed between him and bis wife during the long years of wedded life. Said he: "When we were first mar ried we agreed that she should settle all the small differences that occurred and I all the large ones. This rule we have adhered to. She has always set tled the small disputes, and, my friends, there have never been any large ones." LIppihcott's Magazine. "Here is a map of the route we snail take." "Did you make two of them?" "No. What forr "So papa will be able to overtake as and forgive us." Houston Post P.- We are so certain that I O Itching, Bleeding and I M Ira i Protruding PUaa can al m ear " ways be relieved and ab solutely cured by thia ointment that we positively guarantee satis faction or money refunded. K.S Dr. A.W. Chase's dealers or Dr. A. W. Chase Tmt I 1 1 i n mi 1 Medicine Co..Baffalo.N.Y. SJ I all lTl 6111 For sale by Stoke & Feicht Drug Co. .Saving Himself. .- The owner of au estate had the mis fortune to get a charge of shot In his legs from tho double barreled gun of nn Inexperienced sportsman. The keep er lumtoiud to his- master. "You're not .dead, are you?" bo cried. ' "Of course I am not, you fool I" said the sqtilre. rising. "Well, sir, not seeing you get up after you were shot, I thought you must be dead!" remarked the keeper. "Get up after I was shot not I!" re sponded the squire. "If. I had got up, 'the Idiot would have given me bis oth er barrel T London Scraps. Very Thick. "I wonder why Dninon and Pythias, were such great friends?" queried the fy)ung lady who writes type between meals. ' "They were like a couple of girl chums, 1 guess," rejoined the bachelor with the Ingrowing hair. "Got so thick they couldn't see through each other." Chicago News. He who doubts his ability to win has already fallen behind In the race. The First National Bank OF ftEYNOLDSVILLE. Capital and Surplus Resources a . Jons H. Kadobkh, Pres. John H. Kaucher Henry C. Deible J. 0. King J. B. Every Accommodation Consistent with Careful Banking THE OLDEST ESTABLISHED BANK IN THE COUNTY . The Peoples National Bank REYNOLDSVILLE, PA. Capital and Surplus $125',000.00. Resources $500,000.00. " Ueml-anmint Interest allowed and compounded on Pavings Accounts II 13 from date of deposit, having most liberal withdrawal privileges. XJ Jjrufts nnd Money Orders on allpartsof the world. r) nicer: W. B. Alexander, President. F. D. Smith and August Baul. ' U v duuf, Vice-Presidents. F. K. Alexander, Cashier. F.F.Alexander, ; Assistant Cashier. Tyrcctors! W. B. Alexander, I,. P. Beeley, F. I. Smith,!). L. Taylor, ll A-' Aiigimt Knldaiif, Amoa Hlrouse, W. O. Murray, Dr. J. 0. Bayers, V. Hurry Moore, James H. Bpry and John O'Hare, OPEN SATURDAY EVENINGS. THE PEOPLES BANK BUILDING. HAS LAID THE. FOUNDATION FOR A SUCCESSFUL" LIFE And possesses a diploma that makes her a lea-ally qualified teacher for life In one of the rich est and greatest of the states better than life insurance for her better and rarer than any inheritance that might be left her. -. 0n?,?,.th m0t beautiful and healthful locations In Pennsyrrania. l00 feet above the sea. Beautiful campus of 25 acres. Buildings modern, commodious, iruuntaneent Every borne eomfort. Hot and cold baths. (Abundant table. Purest air and drinking- water. Laundry well done. Trained nurse for temporary Illness In perfectly sanitary infirmary. lUAned. scholarly. Christian Influence on every hand. Privilege of hairing the best lectures and musicians on American platform. Splendid library. Fully quipped laboratories. Best of Social ad ran tares. Proper training for life in iu broadast sens. ALL FOR 1 66.00 FOR THE YEAR OF 40 WEEKS Sfl" ft?" I100 "ienU last year. Students may attend from any state or country. High School Graduates complete normal course in two years, leading to degrees of Pd. B. Pd. at The School aieo maintains the leading Conservatory of Music in Petmaylrania, efferlnc ex epUonall advantages for the study of Piano, Pipe Organ. Voice. Violin, Orchestral Insbra. meats. Theory, History and Public School Music, all under an eminent faculty of speciattstav Thorough Couiaea In Art, Elocution and the Languages. Btrong Business Courses, Illustrated. Is mailed free . INDIANA, PINNA. t.tA'Jt 'THE Get the New FoiS Package, 5c. fan Smoke tine Sest! For over a quarter of a century Five Broth ers has been the favorite tobacco because it's always been the best. Today it's still the best, and everyone kr.Qivs if. FIVE Pipe Smoking Tobacco (A Good Chew, Too) In the new, dust-proof, foil package, sold every where for 5c, it's better than ever before. When you want , the cleanest, choicest and be&t pipe tobacco, don't let them pass off an inferior brand on you call for Five Brothers, and see that you get it. In the New Foil Package, 5c. DR. A. WL CHASE'S 0!tn CATARRH POWDER tsaent direct to the diseased parts hy the fiuiiiuicu suvwer. ntaia ine uleers, clerni the air paarage. Stops d ropn ' ngs in tho th root and permanently cures Catarrh and 4iu unrmiui orufra. Zee, blower free: all dealers or Dr. A. IV. Chase MedicineCo., Buffalo, N.Y. For sale by Stoki & Fetch t Drug Co. WINDSOR HOTEL W.T. iirulmker. Mgr. Mldwny liptwcen llrimd Si. Si nt Ion and ' Mending Terminal mi Kllbert at. Kooms II.INi per day and up. , The only modent'e priced IioihI of rep utation and ronsciitiftiice in PHILADELPHIA -uboorlbc for The -X" Star If you want the News $175,000.00 $550,000.00 OFFICERS ' J. 0. Kino, VIoe-Pres. K. C. Bohdckbrs, Cashier DIREOTOKH Daniel Nolan Hammond John H. Corbett R. H. Wilson Lx.ifl I THLasss.SicaaTeaaccaca.awM' cm kb FIVE BR OTHERS' Kpe SmoM igfTohacco! JOHN riwzbjt Is BROS. LOUtSvtLEKY. AMERICAN TOtMCCO CO. S VimiJilMMllP at adll Main Street. Reynoldevllle, Pa.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers