Eloise's Inheritance. I TT1T1 TV It u a bitter night In November, ft promise of a cold, dreary winter to come, when two gentlemen, tome thirty-eight or forty years old, sat over wine and cigars In a luxurious room In an uptown boarding house, In New York city. One, the youngest of the ' couple, had landed a few hours before from a European steamer, and had been telling traveller's tales to his companion, far Into the night hours. "Rich?" he said In answer to a question. "No, but little richer than when I left here. But I have rained . experience and knowledge In my Paris life. There Is nothing like French schools and hospitals for a doctor. Bert, I would not take thousands of dollars and miss the last four years." "But you are glad to come ht&ie, Cyrus?" "Home?" snld Cyrus Worthlngton, with a short, bitter laugh. "This Is my home, a room In a boarding house, and I chose this because you were here, my old friend and ilium." "But your relatives?" "I do not know of one. Doctor Worthlngton took me from a charity chool when I was six years old, be cause I had a curious variation of scarlet fever he wished to study at leisure. I was an odd child, smart and active, and before the fever was cured lie became fond cf me and adopted me. We must have been a strange pair, Bert the old bachelor, wrapped up in his profession, and the elfish, half-starved foundling. But we were very happy. Until I went to Harvard, where we met, my benefactor edu cated me himself, and I devoured books. I had no one to love, and books filled the craving of my heart, bo I studied everything before me, In cluding the medical works In the li brary. You won't believe me, 1 sup pose, if I tell you I could use a dis secting knife before I was twelve years old." "I do not doubt It. We all consid ered you a prodigy of learning at Har vard. By the way, how did you ever come to leave the doctor for college?" "He desired it, distrusting his own powers of tuition after I passed seven teen. When I came heme, as you know, I became his partner and as sistant until he died, leaving me thirty thousand dollars, and I fulfilled my lifelong desire and went to Paris." "Was that all that drove you to Paris? No love dream, no fair com panion on the steamer?" "None. I am heart-whole at thirty eight. Can you say as much?" "Not I. My heart Is as full cf holes from Cupid's dart as a skimmer. My last love, though, is the sweetest maiden that ever won a heart" with soft eyes and golden curls. You shall see her. In all your travels you have aeen no fairer face than Elolse Hunt er's." ' Over Cyrus Worthlngton's face came startled look that was almost terror. "EloiBe Hunter," he cried: then added, with a forced carelessness, "it is a pretty name. Who Is she?" "The daughter of my landlady. Did I not mention her name when I wrote you I had secured rooms for you here?" "No." "Well, that is her name. She Is the widow of one Daniel Hunter, who died, leaving her without one dollar, having squandered her fortune as well as his own. Not a bad man, I judge, but one who was wickedly reckless In using money. Well, he Is dead, and bis widow keeps this house!" "And this daughter how old is he?" "Nineteen or twenty, I should Judge. She is so little and fair she looks like a child. You are tired, Cy." "Very tired." "You are as pale as death. I will leave you to rest. Pleasant dreams." Pale as death, and with his large, dark eyes full of startled light, Cyrus .worthlngton paced the floor after his friend retired. "It is fate!" h muttered. "Destiny. What accident could throw that girl cross my path three hours after land ing in New York? Elolse, only daughter of Daniel Hunt er. It makes me dizzy to think. If Xter all, I am to grasp what I have coveted . for years! Patience, ' pa tience!" He paced the room for hours, till the gray dawn crept In at the window, when he threw himself upon the bed for a few hours' repose. A man of iron will, of steady nerve, he bad been as sailed by the strongest, fiercest temp 'lation of bis life, and he awakened only to renew the mental conflict. . m. late breakfast was presided over by a pale woman about forty, his landlady, but there was no sign yet of Elolse. Feverishly desirous to see her, to form some estimate of her from hi own observations, Cyrus Worthing ton lingered in the house all day. He was a man who once having re solved upon any course of action, could not be turned aside by trivial or by weighty opposition, and be bad re solved to marry Elolse Hunter, never aving aeen her face or heard her Voice. So with this purpose in his heart, be threw all other considerations to the wind, and waited to make the first move in this game of life, for two. Educated, at he bad said himself, by si man whose soul was wrapped up in his profession, the scholar bad ab sorbed much of the teacher's enthusi asm. But. while Doctor Worthingtcn looked steadily at the nobler alms of profession, me power to aneviaie ifferlng, to aid mankind, Cyrus loved for Its more abstruse investigation, scientific scope, its broad field of tsarsAdlsemefit To make a name In the medical and sclent I flo world, by some new work of value, to be known as the great Doctor Worthlnglon, was the end cf all his Btudy and research. But his ambition was second to his avarice. Not fcr money Itself but for control of the luxuries money will pro cure, he longed for wealth; not merely comfort, that his own Income secured, but riches, power to live In a palace with scores of servants, with luxury In every appointment, and money to spend freely In the pursuit of those scientific studies for which he had de rived all his dreams of fame. A man In perfect health, who had never Injured an Iron constitution by an yexcess ,of hard, keen Intellect and strong will, he was a dangerous wooer for fair Elolse Hunter ,a lily In her fair, sweet lieauty, with a delicate con stitution ,tlmld to a fault ,and modest as a violet. He was In the drawing room In the afternoon, reaillng a novel, half hidden by the folds ot a curtain, when he saw a lady coming across the soft carpet, who .he felt sure must be Elolse Hunt er. Small as a child of fourteen, ex quisitely fair, with a wealth of golden curls caught frcm a low, broad brow, a sweet, childlike mouth, and purely oval face, she was as lovely a vision of girlhood as ever's mans eyes rested upon. Yet Cyrjs Worthlngton, studying the face, unseen himself, thought only, "How weak, timid, easily influ enced!" Not one thought of the wrong he was to do her dawning womanhood troubled him. Whatever scruples of conscience had troubled his night's vigils were all crushed under the iron heel of his will, and there was no thought now cf turning back from this purpose. While his eyes still rested upon her face, Eloise opened the piano, and from the little taper fingers flowed the music that comes by divine gift, the outpouring of In spiration. It moved even Cyrus Worth lngton, no mean Judge of the wondrous execution of the girl's fingers, or the power of her genius. From a heart full of sadness came walling melodies, melting Into dying cadences, full of tearful meaning; then slowly there gathered cn the sweet Hps an Intense smile of wondrous radiance, and the minor passages were changed to ten der, rippling airs, happy as an infant's smiles, till some glorious chords of grand harmony completed this true maiden's dream. It was evidently holiday work, for with a sigh Elolse took a book of alarming-looking exercises from the music rack, and began to practice in real earnest. Cyrus Worthingtcn drew further back In the folds of, the curtain, and resumed his novel. An hour flew by, and then Mrs. Hunter came In. "Five o'clock, Elolse, and pitch dark. Are you practising properly In the dark?" "I know these lessons by heart, mamma," the girl answere din a low, Bweet voice, with a shade of weariness in the tone. "Don't waste time, darling," the mother said anxiously; "you know I cannot pay for many lessons, and next year you must try to find scholars." "I wish you would let me help you more," was the reply; "It seems wick ed for me to be studying and practis ing while you have so much care and work." "You will help me socn. But I want you to be Independent, Elolse. I may die, and you could not run this great house, but you could teach. Go upstairs now; the gentlemen will be coming In soon to dinner." "Did the boarder come last night?" "Doctor Worthlngton? Yes, dear! Mr. Loring tells me he is a great phy sician, author of some medical books, and wonderfully skillful. He is well off, too!?' "Oh, mamma, if be could help that pain!" "No, dear, no, we will net trouble him with our aches and pains. There, dear, run up stairs; I will send Maggie for you when I eat my dinner." Then the parlor was empty, for Cy rus sauntered off to bis own ' room when Mr a Hunter and her daughter were gone. He was not many days an Inmate ot Mrs. Hunter's house before he discov ered that it was net that lady's policy to parade her daughter to ber board ers. The girl lived like a nun. In ber own room nearly all day, practising at an hour when the gentlemen were away, and the ladies lying down, or out Yet with bis resolve in full force, Cyrus Worthlngton contrived to see Elolse very frequently. He would bend his great dark eyes upen ber face, and hold her fascinated for hours by the eloquence with which be spoke of music, of poetry, of all the girl-soul worshipped. He drew from her the story ot the pain her mother suffered around ber heart, and delicately of fered professional service, where his skill availed to bring relief, thus mak ing one step by winning the gratitude of mother and child. But while his own heart knew no more now than before the sweetness of love, he read In Eloise's eyes none of the emotion he hoped to kindle there.. Heart-whole himself, be had not been without conquests in his sel fish life. Women had owned the mag netic power in his great, dark eyes, his rich voice, the winning eloquence of his tongue. Belles whose conquests were of well known number bad let blm read the love be wakened in their eyea ,and flirts had owned themselves beaten at their own Kama. Yet this shy violet, this little re cluse, liking him well, gave him no part in her heart One word from Bert Loring, one glance of his blue eyes, would call up flying blushes to the fair cheeks that all Cyrus Worthlngton's eloquence failed to bring there. But Bert, though cider than hit friend, had been an unsuccessful man. A poet by the gift of God, be was al most a pauper by the non-appucla-tlon of man. Just the tiniest patri mony kept him from actual want, but though he had a hall room at Mrs. 1. timer's, his boots were often shabby, his clothes well worn, and bis purse lamentably slender. And Mrs. Hunter seeing Doctor Worthlngton In her best room, prompt in payment, faultless In costume, with a certainty of thirty thousand dollars, and a possibility of greater wealth, In the practice of his profession, encour aged his attentions to Elolse, frown ing upon poor, .loving Bert, who, in spite of his Jests about his well-riddled heart, gave the young girl true, loyal love. It was the old, old story, and Elolse, torn by her filial affection and ber girl love, was growing pale and wan as the winter wore away. There was no coercion: Mrs. Hunter loved the only child of her heart too well fcr that; but loving her she could not five her to poverty and Bert Lori::g, and one day when Bert pleaded bis cause she told him, "Doctor Worthlngton asked me this morning to give Elolse. I like you, Bert. You are dear to me as a son, hut w6 must think ot the child above all. You know how dreamy, sensitive, and helpless Elolse Is. You know that bard work would be murder for her. She lives In her music, her bocks." "And her love! She loves me," in terrupted poor Bert, a boy yet In many tender phases of his nature. "And you, loving her, would you see ber tolling, slaving, starving, as a poor man's wife?" "You put It harshly." "I put it truly. While I can keep this house up you are welcome to a home here, but any day I may die. These heart spasms mean a certain death some day, Bert. Then where are yon to take Elolse?", "I will work for her." "Work first, then, and woo her after ward.. My poor Bert, you are too like her to marry her. Could I but give you wealth, you could live in a poet's paradise, you and Elolse, never grow ing old, two grown-up children. But we are all poor. Do not torture her, you who love her. Go away and let Doctor Worthlngton win her." "She will never love him." "Not If you are here." "I will go then. You will let me tell her?" "Why? It will only make her life harder, If she thinks you Buffer. I will never force her to marry. But It Doctor Worthlngton can win her, I toll you frankly, it will make me very happy." Bo Bert honest, loyal Bert for his ver jiove's sake, turned his face from his love and went to another city, where he was offered a position as assistant editor upon a magazine, that was to bo a fortune in the future, but in the present was rather a log on the necks of the proprietors. And Elolse, wondering at Bert's de sertion, knew all the sunlight was gone from her life when he said farewell. There had been no secret in Bert's parting with hlB friend. Frankly he had told him his hope, love and de spair, and pathetically implored him to cherish Elolse lovingly, if he could win her love. Even while he spoke, Cyrus Worth lngton knew that this love would never come to answer his wooing, knew that one word of his cculd flood two lives with happiness, yet kept silence. In the days that followed, when he wooed the fair, pale girl, ten derly, devotedly, no pang of remorse wrung his heart, though be knew he trod carefully upon all loving flowers of hepe in hers. He was a man who could have seen hit own mother writhe in agony. If by her torture he could have wrung one new fact for science, and in the scheme of his life the heart-pangs of a girl counted fcr less than nothing. And while he courted the unwilling love patiently and gently, Mrs. Hunter, with her falling health, her pale face and weary step, pleaded eloquently In her very silence. A home ot rent for her mother was what Elolse had been promised In delicate words that could not b resented as a bribery. "Your dear mother may live for years in a quiet house, but this con stjint care and toll is killing her!" So, little by little, wearing out the young heart's constancy by steady per severance, 'Cyrus Worthlngton won Elolse for his wife. She told him she did not leve him, but knowing nothing of Bert's spoken love to her mother, she kept he maiden secret folded close in her own heart, and whispered noth ing of her love for Bert If oi her wedding day her white, drawn face was corpse-like In its forced com posure, what cared Cyrus Worthlngton for that? He had won his game. Only one week after bis wedding day, leaving Elolse with her mother, ho wended bis way to the otnee of a leading lawyer and asked for an in terview. "You were lawyers for Gervase Hunter?" he asked. "We were." "You are aware that he died In Paris last September?" "Our business has not required cor respondence since that time." "I was his physician, and to me he committed the care of all his papers, bis will among the number." "H'ra, making you his heir?" "No, ulr, making .his nephew's only child heiress to his wealth, nearly a million, I understand. "Nearly double that sum. You will leave the papers?" "Assuredly, and Mrs. Hunter' ad dress. Miss Hunter became my rife one week ago. I leave you the ad dress of my assistant In Paris, the lawyer who drew up the will, and the witness, that you may ascertain that aftl Is correct" And, unheeding the lawyer's keen, scrutinizing looks, Cyrus Worthlngton bowed himself out of the office. "A bold game," the lawyer muttered; "he has played his cards well." And while he spoke there was a noise In the street, a rush of many feet, a clattering fall. "A scaffolding on the house next door has given way," a clerk cried with a white face, "and there are men killed. Nine or ten, they say." Nine or ten bricklayers, masons, carpenters, and one gentleman who had been passing by, end In whose face the lawyer recognized the fea tures of his late visitor. Dead, with his scheme complete. Dead, with the road to his ambition, gold-strewn, open before him. Dead, with his hand upon the wealth he had planned to win. Dead! They carried him home to his young wife, and tenderly broke the truth to her. Even In the first shock she felt her henrt recoil when the lawyer tcld her of the errand completed two min utes before her husband's death. She had not loved him, but had she never known hta baseness she could have mourned a kind friend last. It was two years before Bert came to share her home, to fill the paradise ber mother had painted. But. In their happiness they gave Cyrus Worthlng ton's name the charity cf silence. Never Is it spoken by the wife he deceived or the friend he wronged. Waverley Magazine. MONT 8T. MICHEL'S STORY. How the Abbey Has Come to Be Not Like Other Abbeys. Mont St. Michel has the romantic air. If. suggests Dumas and Scott. Its history is a romance, but It was curi ous to learn that the first monks did not settle there because of a position I thought too obviously, even ostenta tiously made for monks. When they came, Mont St. Michel was not an Island "in the peril of the sea," but rose in the midst of a great forest, with a Roman road leading through It to the hill where the Romans had long before worshipped Jupiter and the Druids bad long before that set up their mystic stones. It was after the Christian hermits had been there a couple of hundred years, and Aubert, bishop of Avranches the white city you see with Its towers glistening In afternoon sunlight, on the hills across the Bands was busy building the shrine to St. Michael, that one day (It was early In the eight century) there was a terrific trembling of tho earth, and out at sea the tide rose, as never before In the memory of man. It swept In over woodland and vil lage, and when It swept out again there was no forest; Mont St. Michael and Tombelaine near, by were the only dry spots of land In a vast bay; the hills of the Ccntentln were far to the east, those of Brittany as far to the west. Northward was the open sea, never before seen by the monks from their hilltop. Southward the sands stretched toward Poutorson. Had there been no earthquake and rising of the waters, the story cf Mont St. Michel would be very like that of any other medieval abbey In France; the story of saintly monks and miracles, of shrines and pilgrim ages of piety expressed In noble arch itecture, of love ot art and learning ot Increasing wealth and power and abuse of It, cf reform and revived ar dor and fresh release, and Anally the rovolutlon. Only Mont St. Michel an swered too well as a prison to be de stroyed. And when Jailers and prison ers had got o.me with It enough was left to be turned Into a national mon ument In 1870. But If the monks were like all other monks, their abbey was by no means Ilka all other abbeys, either In Hi architecture or as a fortress. When the other abbeys Increased In Import ance, and the aionka in number, new courts and cloisters were added, more ground covered. But at Mont St. Mich el, after burrowing down Into the heart ot the rock, there was nothing to do but to build upward and ever upward, to pile story upon story, until the abbey, springing higher and high er heavenward, became everywhere visible to the people on the mainland. From Elizabeth Robins Pennell's in the Peril of the Sea" In the Cen tury. Athlete and Consumption. - There must be no exercise as ex ercise for the consumption patient. If you are able and feel like It, amuso yourself, but don't take exercise to build your system up. I know. I, too, have beard those stories about men given up to die, who began work In a gymnasium and by violent exer cise entirely recovered their health. . . . When the lung tissue Is at tacked by tuberculoids It heals, if it heals at all, by this fibrous scar-nvite-rlal filling In the cavity. No new lung tissue Is formed to replace what has been lost, and this scar material 1 useless tor breathing. Suppose you had a deep cut In your hand and you kept working that band violently, how long do you think It would take the cut to heal? When exercise Is taken or you "expand the lungs,'' you have to work the lung tissue Just as you work your band, and If it is woundod there will be a much larger propor tion of scar material useless for breathing when It does get well. Everybody's Magazine. WHY SULD1KKS DESERT. UNITED STATES REGULARS IN GARRISON A 8ENTIMENTAL LOT. Musle May Start an Epidemic of & sertlng Among Them Deadly Work of a Zither In the Philippines Lovs and Orlef Other Causes ef Desertions. An old sergeant cf tho reenter ar my now stationed at a New York harbor post, who fought the Sioux under Crook and CUBter, helped to chase the 'Pache Kid and did his trick In the Philippines at the beginning of the row down there, recently de livered himself of some of his own observations on the desertion question. He has soldiered In more than 5" posts and has known battalions of deserters. "There are plenty of reasons be sides those given by the boss soldiers In their reports behind desertions from the army," said tho old sergeant. "I am not speaking of present condi tions, but of desertions In normal years. "In the first place, desertions be come epidemic In certain posts, and when one of these deserting epidemics sets in nothing can stop It short of switching the whole outfit to another post. Bome years ago one of these deporting epidemics began at Fort Sheridan, near Chicago, nnd Inside of loss than three months nothing but tho skeleton of the command was left. They quit In squads and sets of fours, good men as well as roughs and no-accounts. "That epidemic was started by a lay out of bad and unpopular ofllcers. One domineering or unjust officer In a pt-st i an cause more desertions than bat' rations or crucifying fatigue duty. I once knew a little runt of a shave tail Just out from West Point to cause 82 men from one cavalry troop, sta tioned In Arizona, to Jump the outllt two months after he'd Joined. "The deserting epidemics are start ed by causes that would seem mighty trivial to outsiders who do not know what an emotional, not to sny ab solutely sentimental, lot soldiers In garrisons are. The minds of soldiers In garrison are easily played and prey ed upon, and when a few of them hnp pen to go up In the air at the same time the thing becomes Infections, like getting religion at a campmcct Ing. For example, there nre always more desertlonn from the army around the holiday seuson then at any other time. "There used to be a very wide spread, but hopelessly erroneous, Idea among American army ofllcers that the presence of a band In a post con tributed to the contentment of the men and made the wabbly ones less liable to desert. That idea's teen punctured. It Is well known now that the military band, Instead of keep ing men from deserting, actually caus es many of them to desert. "The music gets at the hearts of -the impressionable fellows and It tells a plenty of them that they are making hashes of their lives by sticking to the uniforms of the buck army private. Next time you get a chance Just watch the what's the use expression on the laces of the soldiers listening to an evening band concert, and you'll get a better understanding of what I moan. "Soldiers In barracks are. In fact, queerly affected by music, particularly music of the moving and tender sort. For Instance, we had a trig outfit of moderately contented and . fairly healthy men In the little Luzon set tlement In the Philippines where we were quartered, until a fellow with a Either Joined the company. "He was a windjammer trumpeter, that U to say from French Canada; and when he transferred to our fit out he brought bis zither, a big concert-grand instrument from Austria, along with him. The things that that French-Canadian boy could do to and on that big zither were certainly sin ful, not to say devilish, and even in old relics ot the bucklng-and-gagglng days had to either duck out of the Bound of the kid's music or find our selves gulping and coughing a lot "He'd spread the thing out on hi bunk o' nights between supper and tattoo and he'd- no sooner make the first swipe at the strings and wcik In the tremolo stufl than the boys 'ud knock off gassing and begin to look serious and thoughtful. Every once In a while while that zither music was going on you'd see some fellow a burly ruffian as like as not slinking cut so's not to make a show of himself be fore the outfit. "Less than two weeks after that hoy with the zither began thoso nightly performances we had 12' men In the hospital, down with nothing else In the world but ncstalgla, which means homesickness. And If you ever picked up the notion that Nostalgia as it is called, Is merely a harmless and boobylsh disease, I'll mention that two of those 12 men died of it. The boy with, the zither put it away then and never played on it again until we were on our way home cn the transport and then It didn't matter; the boys were coming bome. "The well educated men who drift Into the American army cause deser tion. Nine out of ten of these well educated men are failures In civil life, In spite ot their good education, and In tine cases out of ten they are per fectly useless as soldiers. Almost without exception they are grouchy, grumpy kickers and knockers. "When they find themselves In the army with 'Ittle show of getting out again without deserting, the majority of tbein choose that alternative. Those that stick through their enlistments develop Into barrack room chaw bac ens, and makr the other chaps discon tented, and then the desertions begin. "The reappearance lu the post of a former member ot the outfit, decked out in happy mufti rags and exhibiting other evidences of prosperity, always has the eect of creating such envious discontent that desertions result from that slight and foolish cause. "I belonged to a troop once that wa stationed at the Presidio of San Fran cisco. One ot our men, a bright fellow with a pleasing way about him, and a skilful and Inveterate gambler, caught on as a main faro dealer In a big San Francisco gambling house at the wind up of his second enlistment It was net long before he had an Interest In the business himself, and he made money fast. "All togged out In expensive clothes and wearing diamonds, he used to drive out to the Presidio behind s fast and stylish pacer, In a trig and tidy trap with yaller running gear. Well, after a few months, the com manding offcer of the Presidio bad to request that ex-swaddle, as a special favor, to cease his visits at the post. D?sertlciiH by the dozen were traced to those visits. "The bunch would look their ex mate over and get ambitious all of a sudden. If he had made such a rat tling good Job of It In civil life, why couldn't they, too or, at any rale, make some sort of a stab at It? They went out of Pretidlo gate, not to come back any more, In sets ot fours, Just because they had seen the visible pro sperity of a man who bad formerly bunked under the same roof with them. "The de.ath of a cherished ofllcer, or even of a very popular enlisted man, is often liable to start an epidemic of desertions. In the far northwest, at a dinky little two-troop post, there died a first lieutenant who was en ormously prized by the enlisted men. "This officer died of too much drink. He was a fine man and a splendid sol dier never was a better soldier man anywhere but the drink had him, and It took him. The men, though, didn't think any the less of blm for that, although they all felt pretty eurry for him, for the drink was a thing that had got beyond him. "Often, when he was officer of the day, and I was humping my guard post In the middle of the night, I've taken that officer to his quarters led him quiet-like by the arm, and him not saying a word, but Just submitting like a young 'un. He'd be prowling nro;i::d the post in the dark, dazed, and not able to take care of himself. "But he was a fine man a grand athlete, too, until the drink sapped blm r.nd he was square to us bucks of the barracks, and fought our battles In the teeth of the old man am', al ways won, too. He wouldn't stand for anybody Impotlng on us, and Well, as near as men can go to loving a man, ,1 guess us fellows loved that good man and square ofllcer. "Pretty gulpy layout, we wore, son, when we scraped out a hole In the hanlfrozen ground for that one, and tossed him Into It, and fired the vol ley over him, Rnd listened to the blub bering wind of a windjammer sound ing taps. The desertions began the next day. "They missed him. They said that the post was not only lonesome, but uncanny without him. When, a month later, the fit-out was shifted to the southwest, we were not much more than one troop, instead of two and the cashing In of an officer with the heart and the gizzard of a sure enough man was the cause of It. "And, talking of the transferring of out-fits, that, too. has got to be taken Into consideration as a cause, and, In the aggregate, a big cause for de sertions. Men who enlist in a certain part of the country for service In that same section don't like to make a long shift to a different part with an other climate. More desertions re sult from the shifting about of regi ments than ever appear in the figures. "Soldiers that get mixed up with women outside the post gates are par ticularly liable to desert when their outfits are ordered away. The soldier rarely has the funds to pay the wom an's way to the new station, and he doesn't feel like leaving ber. and so there's only one thing left, and that Is to duck." New York Bun. A Plain Question. While stumping the state during the last gubernatorial campaign Gov. Fraz ler of Tennesseo entered the office of a village hotel, where he discovered a corpulnt German seated at a table writing. Suddenly the Teuton paused In his task, frowned, scratched his head, chewed the end of his pen and looked so obviously worried that Mr. Frazler good-naturedly asked: "My friend, can I be of any service to you?" . "Yah," was the prompt and relieving reply: "Blease tell me vedder you puts an' 'e' behlndt 'before'?" It was several seconds before the affable candidate grasped the man's meaning and gave the desired Infor mation. Baltimore Sun. Gave the Brld His Umbrella. Congressman Perkins wss In the office of a friend, a Justice of the Peace, when a couple came In to be married, says the Christian Register After the ceremony the Justice accept ed a modest fee and handed the bride an umbrella as she went out. Mr. Perkins looked on gravely and asked: ' "Do you always do that, Charles? "Do what? Marry them? Oh, yes." "No. I mean bestow s present on the bride." "A present? Why, wasn't that her umbrella?" gasped the Justice. - "No; it was mine," replied the Con gressman sadly. Ttie swiftest sailing ship In the world Is the American full-rigged steel ship Ersklne M. Phelps. GALL'S THE THING. In this life's ituecinlng battle with It racket mid It. rattle, with Its gas and tittle-mule. Love nnd luite, ' When It winning and reverses, when it biddings and Its cnrin, when lt fnt and empty pui'tes Altrunt WLen at clmiirpH you nre nabbing, Into every ni-henm nre dnlililng aud at every root are grabbing Lent you tall, Though you've tiervw to face the racket iinilRrneath your bimlnens Jacket, you mint linve a force to back It, , Which Is gull. Dfenver Post. JUST FOR FUN "What platform docs that political speaker favor?" "The lecture plat form, chiefly." Washington Star. Bacon "He went to the fancy dress ball In a costume made of old letters." Egbert "Sort of a suit of mall, eh?" Yonkers Statesman. Redhorse Dan "Kin ye handle a gun, stranger?" Percy Boulevarder "I don't have to. I own an auto." Baltimore American. Ward "Say, you ain't going to vote for Bonder, are you? He's crooked, you know." Street "Yes, but ho Is on tho straight ticket." Boston Tran script. Wife "I hope you talked plainly to him." Husband "I did intend, I told htm he was a fool, a perfect fool!" Wife (approvingly) "Dear John! How exactly like you!" Punch. "When yoil say that a thing Is 'well enough as It Is ' what do you mean, father?" "That you think It ought to be Improved at once but that you're too lazy to fix It." Brooklyn Life. "Why Is she so strenuous to main tain the proprietory of a woman marry ing a man 20 years older than herself? One would almost suppose she had done so." "That's Just what she wish es you to suppose." Puck. "Well, my friend Jones has been elected," said tho cfllceseeker. "I want to send blm some flowers. What would you suggest?" "Forget-me-nots would be Just the thing for you," replied the wine friend. Philadelphia Lodger. McQueery "Hasher's comic opera had Its premiere performance last night, eh! You were there, of course." Crlttlck "Oh yes." McQueery "Was any cf the music new?" Crlttlck "Yes, at one time." Philadelphia Press. , Mrs. Crisscross "How do you find Henry, doctor?" Doctor "He need rousing; I think a mild shock would help him." Mrs. Crisscross "That' easy; I'll tell him I ordered three new dresses this morning." -.Chicago Dally News. "The mills of the gods grind slowly ," quoted the long-faced man In the black coat. "Why don't they put In some modern machinery?" asked the man from Minneapolis. "Up our way they turn out 600,000 barrels a day." Cin cinnati Tribune. "Look here!" exclaimed the Irate housekeeper. "Don't you know gaa comes out of the furnace you sold me?" "Well, what do you expect to come out cf a cheap furnace?" demanded the stove dealer. "Electric lights?" Chi cago Dally News. "So you have taken your son Into the bank to work his way up from the bot tom? How Is he doing?" "Oh, fairly well. He reported for duty twice last week and hung around for nearly an hour each time, In spite of the fact that there was a gclf tournament go ing on." Chicago Record-Herald. Historian "Boy, is this the field up on which the great battle was fought?" Native boy "No, zur; that be it at the tcp of that hill. Historian "Dear, dear! That hill must be quite s mile away! (Playfully) Why ever didn't they fight it in this field?" Boy "I suppose because this here vleld belong to Varmer Jonson. He never will lend bis vlelds for anything, not even for t' village sports!" Punch. Too Costly to Give Away. Among the first class passengers On a home-bound transatlantic steamship was a young woman whose extreme economy had not permitted any lavish expenditures during the foreign tour. It was, consequently, with commend able pride that she referred repeated ly to the material for two silk dress es, purchased at a bargain, which she was bringing home to her mother and sister. Even the suggestion of one sympathetic listener that she would probably have to pny duty produced merely a temporary restraint In the complacency with which she viewed her proposed generosity. At laat, when the steamship ap proached New York and the custom house officer received the somowhat plain young wqman at the cabin ta ble, her fellow passengers were curi ous. Being asked the .usual question about dutiable property, he replied stoutly and defiantly that she had the material for two silk dresses. "Are they for yourself?" the Inspec tor demanded. "No," she declared, "they are not. I am bringing them home for presents." "Then, since they're not for your own use, I shall be compelled to charge you duty," and he announced the required amount. Later she was heard to aay, In a vin dictive manner, "That ha made those dresses cost me so much that I sim ply cant afford to give them away now. I'm just going to keep them for myself." Youth' Companion. 7
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers