Ma QUICKWITTED PATSY HOW HE SAVED THE DAY FOR HIM SELF AND HIS LAWYER. TlioHilitlrwty Hlrtn-H an Affidavit With Niun lie ftnro Wh Hot tilt Own tint Hn Won Ilia .tartc nnd HI Pain by HIS EKplntmttnn. My first r:io imine at FlnrcnnA, Ala., a fiw mniiilH uftcr I was liretiwd, wvitr Attm-w.v H M. Jackson. Tlir fhrrifT tlicro, diptuiu W. T. White, nmv i-ui, a pMlnnt (.'onfeiWato solilinr nml ouo of mi' r.ro'n iiolilciiipii, met ma nn Iho street uml told mo there wnn n tiinn rnnfltird iu tlie county Jail who lnherl to pro me. I wan tlion ttl yearn old, btit wonld readily have paused for 17. The client's Dame wns Piitrirk Dnnevnii, but he wiis commonly railed I'ntwy J'onnvnn. Go iv.ft to the jail, I found a man from DO to 115 years old, an intelligent, nice li oking, devil may cure Irinhman. When I entrred, he greeted me with "(tood evening, mini." Pretending not tn hnveheurd bim address me as "lulus" end otmnining mnch dignity, I told him I was the lnwyer whom the aheriff had promised to send bim. For answer he exeluiined, "Well, I'll be d A," and bnrpt oat Innphing laughing uproar ioimly. I was irritated to a degree by this reception. "I beg pardon, jndge, It's a go. Von do look pretty young, hut Tom (the sheriff) says yon are a rkipy. Get me out of here, and my folk, who've got plenty, will pay yon well for ynnr trouble." lie tcld .e liiB atory. He waa a skill ed mechanin from Kcoknk, la., and had bi r employed by the government in copstructiug n lock on the Mansel Khnals canal, near Florence. He had shot the puvi-iciun in charge of those works. Tliii physician waa a brother of the United Mate! engineer in control of the cannl construction, and it waa evident thtit the prosecution would be bitter, apnring no pain or expense to wen re a conviction, entailing a long penitentiary sentence. The doctor and my client were both men of reckless courage and overbearing temper, both sometimes looked on the wine when it waa red, and both, I inferred, were atriving for the favor of the same woman. A clash between them soon came. They had a snvuRO quarrel at their boarding bonne at dinner. The doctor being armed and tny client unarmed, the latter had ti submit to unlimited abuse and would have been shot bat for the interference of aeveral men who were present. Soon after nightfall of the same day my client went to the doctor's office and sleeping room, about a mile distant and in a secluded place, and, knocking on the door, waa bidden by the doctor to come in. Entering, he found the doctor putting on a shirt, and thna for the moment disabled, nnd, remarking, "You had the drop on me tbia moruing, but I've got it on yon now," fired, striking the doctor in the neck and inflicting a dangerous bat not fatal wound. '1 he case soon enme on for trial. While the defendant'! version of the occurrence ns be bad given it to me waa very different from the one in the fore going, yet it wus so improbable in itaoli aud, so incr.nt-ifctcnt with the attendant circumstances that it looked aa if a sen tence of ten ycara waa inevitable if the cane was then tried. To gain a post ponement an objection waa interposed to the competency of the court on the gronnd that he was rcluted by affinity to the prosecutor. This failed. Kext an earnest effort waa made for a coutinu ailce. The state fought this aggressive ly, thus giving warning of what waa to ooiue, and it, too, failed. In sheer desperation I then whispered to my client, " Vour real name is Pat rick, not Patsy, isn't it?" The indict ment named him Patsy Donevan. Then, moving to quusb the indictment for the miptiomer, I wrote out the defendant's affidavit in support. The affidavit stated that the defendant'! name was Patrick and that he wai commonly known and called by this name and not by the name uf Patsy Donevan. He took the affidavit cud read, or seemed to read, it carefully and, going to the clerk's desk, swore to it and signed it "Patsy Done van." This, of course, was the way he usually signed his name, but he never reflected that to sign it Patsy this time wus to n fiord the strongest evidence of the fulsity of the affidavit Arguiug the case without looking at the ofllduvlt, I didn't see how he bad aiirucd it, but the state attorney hod noticed the signature and iu bis reply culled tho court's attention to it This disclosure raised a storm of laughter aud jouriug in the oourtrooui. I was ooufoundod ttud at the end of my re source. Not so was Patty. Realizing his peril, that the slip was his own and that he alone could retrieve it, he spoke out, not a wbit abubbed: "I sinned it Putsy out of pure respect for your honor. It's not for me to give the lie to your honor's court papers. Vour honor"! court paper cays I'm Patsy, and I'll sign it Patay until your honor give me leave to write my own true name. " The court sustained the motion from pure admiration for Patsy. We now bad time to look about ns. A few mouths later the oaae was tried, the Jury failing to agree. The bail bond, which bad been fixed at a high figure, waa tbon reduced to a reasonable sum. Be gave the boud, saying be bad "lout by a nose, " but be never returned to (and another trial, although bia bonds men were promptly reimbursed, and the writer was generously remembered, re ceiving, as I now remember, 300. I have often beeu curious to kuow what bacame of the game, rollicking, imper turbable Putsy. Memphis Commercial Appeal. The EMantiaJa. "Do yon want a shirt that opens in the front or one that opens in the back?" aked the counts jumper. "Don't kuor where it opens," an iwered Farmer Hayseed, "ao long as it a got an opening at the top and as t :,er at tiw bottom. "Exchange. Aa tncnvttme fcplwn. "I mppow," nid the young woman, "that when a miner makes a big discov ery it in to bis Interest to avoid spread ing the news, so aa to keep as much as nomibln for himself." "Some of tbem try it," answered the returned gold seeker. "lint as n rule it dcesn't work. When a man has sud denly reached enorimm wealth, he Is almost certain to betray the fact in romo way." "Hive yon lni'iwn of such case on the Klondike?" "Only one. Ordinarily the men don't try to d ceivo anybody. One chap made u llu diaenvcry nnd tried to keep It quiet, but It wasn't more than n day or two l.efnro everybody knew he bud struck it rich." "Something iu bis manner betrayed it?" "No." "Hewnsscrn spending more money than usual?" "No. Ho never spout any money in public. He was a great one for keeping it to himself." "Perhaps ho talked in his sloop?" "Wouldn't have been anybody to brur bim If he had." "You purely wore not mean enough to shadow him?" "Didn't have to. He practically an nounced that he bad suddenly become a millionaire himself. There wasn't any possibility of mistake. " "How did he do It?" "Came around one day with tbeamell of onioua on his breath. " Washington Star. . The Antarctic Region. It is a curious fact that while enor mous sums of money and property ol great value have been appropriated and used in exploring the more northerly por tions of tbia globe little or no attontiou has been given to the extreme southern pnrt. Of lato, however, the eyes of ex plorers have been turned autarctcward, and expeditions are being sent out to determine various debatable qaeationt that have arincn concerning this coun try. No human foot, aa far as known, has ever approached nearer to the south pole than 730 miles. The ice is said to far exceed that found at the north pole, and greater difficulties are apprehended than arctic explorers huve ever encoun tered. Vegetation cease at about 48 de grees, no man has yet been met with south of 60 degrees, and the country if destitute of laud animals south of 48 dogrees. Mountains with towering peaks have beeu discovered, and volca noes are tbonght to be numerous. Whether the intense boat of the Utter may exert any influence upon the cli mate in their vicinity is a question of interest to the scientific world. New York Lodger. Handwriting of Dihom, Dotb the Dumas' bands were those of butty men, but the elder Dumas could go on forever; bo never stopped to punc tuate. One of his literary canons wai that a clear style punctuates itself. There is a good deal in this. The sou never misKed u comma, semicolon, colon or full stop. He bad not the father's facility, which resembled a tropical vegetation at the end of the raiiyr sea son . The younger Dumas beat his brains terribly and forced thorn to briug forth plays. Nothing can be more refined than bia handwriting. The original manu scripts of bis plays are scarcely legible, tho corrections and erasures being so numerous. But be did not lot the copy. 1st or indeed any stranger see them, bat rewrote and added puugont and pregnant sentences aa bo did ao. The first thoughts of some authors are the best ; they were the worst of Dnmaa fils unless when he was answering a letter auswering, mind I It was then a case of steel responding to flint, tsparks flew. If there wus un explosive about, it went off. Itfiidon Trntb. Queer Mgnatum to Cheek. "Thut man forgot to sign bis name," remarked a well known insurance agont us he reached the end of a letter from one of bia correspondents. "I presume you run across many cases of forgetfulnesa and abstraction while reading your correspondence?" I sug gested bh ho resumed looking over bit mail. "Well, yes, they are more frequent tbuu I wish tucy were. Ouo of the most siugulur instances wus a case where a man iu aflixiug his signature to a chock used a portion of my name and a part of bia own. Aud he was the presideut of ouo of our leading colleges too." Portia ud (Me. ) Argus. Far BleeplewneH. The following is recommended as a cure fur sleeplessness: "Wet a half towel, apply it to the back of the neck, pressing it upward toward the base of the brain, and fasten the dry half of the towel over so as to prevent the too rapid exhalation. The effect is prompt aud charming, cooling the brain aud induo ing calmer, sweeter sleep than any nar cotic Warm water may be nsed, though must persons prefer cold. To those who suffer from overexoitemeutof the brain, whether the result of brain work or pressing anxiety, this simple remedy bag proved an especial boon." New Olreau! Times-Democrat. Power In Portrayal. . "Why, niau, I've bad wbole audi ence full to their kuees in terror at my description of the day of judgment." The other exhorter smiled pityingly. "Ah, yes I" be replied. "But the other night I portrayed tho destruction of the world with such power that a man came up after the services and asked me whom be should see about the kiuetoaoope rights. "Detroit Journal. Koouoiulenl. "A good many people," said the philosopher, "are economical after the manner of a man I oiico knew, who suioksd 80 oeut cigars and saved tbe half burned matches to kindle tbe fires, " ludUxuapolia Journal. UNCLE SAM 10 CENTS AHEAD. five KnTelnpM On nf a Boneh That He Wontdnt Redeem. A reporter wont into the Now York )ontorflce the other day with a bundle of misdirected stamped euvelopes iu bis pocket to see if Uncle Sam wonld not redoent them for cash. He found a window in n room on tho tecou floor, where this is tho special IiupIlimm at tended to. Unrle Sam's representative looked over tint lot of envelopes, b.mded buck five, with tbe cash for tho others, aud mid : "Yon will hare to take a trip to Falls City, Neh.j Columbus, (in.; Newark, N. .1., and Brooklyn to get tlioso four redtt'ttied, nnd hero is one wo won't ru derm ut all. You seo, it is this way: It does not mutter where u envelope is ullrei.ed to; the print la where it uiincs from what pt.stoffiee issued it. A poatofflce can only redeem envelope which it bus ifftued itself. If an en velope shows on the face of it that some other office issued it, 1 can't give you tush for it. "Now look at this one. Here iu the corner Is a note, 'After ton days return to Mr. Bluuk, Falls City, Neb.' Evi dently the Fall City poatofflce isnued that, aud you will bave to go there to get it redeemed if you are fond of long distance economy of thut sort These euvtlopea bere with no'Knturn to' note may bave been issued by some other office, but we bave no means of know ing it and tuke tbem on faitb. Here is one marked, 'Return to P. O. box 8,806, New York city.' We will take that, for we evidently issued lit The principle la simple, even if its working look coraplieatod. " The reporter reminded the clork that be hud refused ouo envelope altogether. The clerk took it up aud looked at it It bud no "Heturu to" note in the cor ner, but the name and uddress were printed on it "Well, you see, that comes under a different rule," bo continued. "The Idea is to redeem envelopes which bave beeu misdirected by accident. This man bus spoiled this envelope to help on bis business, sending it to some correspond ent inclosed with a letter asking for a business order likely. He expected tho other man to use this envelope only in writing to him and to keep bim in mind of it he printed bis address on it He did not intend to furnish free stumps fur his business acquaiutaucea unless he got tbem back on letters to himself. His correspondent you iu this case either did not send bim an order or sent it iu a new envelope. Now you wuut to got buck 9 cents. The business man spent that 8 cents simply to boom bis business. Uncle r-ant is not booming any one's business, even to the extent of 8 cents, except where all share alike through geueral prosperity. You cannot get that envelope redeemed anywhere." Tho reporter tbunked tbe clerk. After calculating the cost of a trip to Nebras ka, Cieorgia, Newark and Brooklyn aud comparing it with the vulue of the four stumped euvelopes which might be re deemed by it hecoucludod it wus cheap er on tho wiiolo to drop the envelopes in tbe waste paper baskot. Now York Sun. Africans nnd Work. All hard labor, all rough and un skilled labor, is, and owing to the heat of the climute must be, done by blacks, and in a uew country like Mututeleland the blacks, though they can sometimes bo induced to till the laud, ure most averse to working uuderground. They ore only beginning to uto money, aud they do not want the things wbiob money buys. The wants of a native liv ing with his tribe aud cultivating maul-, ica or Kuflircoru uro couiiuod to a barosa (akin cloak) or some pieces of cotton. The prospect of leaving bia tribe to go aud work in a mine in order thut be muy earu wagon wherewith bo can buy things thut uu has no use for does not at ouce Bpi . ,;1 to bim. The wh;.u men, anxious to got to work on the gold reefs, are annoyed at what they call tbe stupidity and lazi ness of the native and usuully clamor for legislation to compel the natives to come and work, adding, of course, thut regular lubor would be the best thing for the natives. "Impressions of South Africa" by James Bryce. Thomaa Hood. Hood's position in literature baa been affected by tho circumstance that be did two things excellently which in the general view are incompatible, in which case popular opinion geuerally fixea on the inferior gift as representing the writer'! reul capacity. He was a "funuy man" as well as a lyriu poet of real quality and earnest aims and was so admirable and original iu the former and more "'-umlaut character that '' probably car.ued niuuy to regard tho serious verse aa merely au ambitioua bid for a reputation it was uot iu tbe writer'! power to achieve. Hood doubt less helped to strengthen tbia impres sion by pructicully ceasiug to produce serious poeUy for some IS yoara of bi abort life. But that this waa due to necessity for finding a ready market for bis wares is, I think, beyond a doubt Ainger'i "Poems of Thomas Hood." To Be Waehed With Care. "Yes," said tbe man whose narra tives are almost invariably interesting, "I bad some curious experiences in tbut mining country. One day I mot two children with tbe dirtiest fucea I ever beheld. " "Poor tbingal" "That's what I thought I said to tbem, 'Children, why don't yon wash your fucea?' uud one of them unswured : 'We dasou't We've beeu pluyiu ou pap's best claim, and he's liable to lose money if anybody touches ns but him.' " Washington titur. A Good Imitation. ' , The other day uu amateur artist was producing some rapid sketches to uniuso bis children. He drew a sketch of a ben so naturally thut when it wus afterwurd thrown in the waste aper basket it luid were. London Fun. How often we henr middle-aired people say rrBHllHK that, reliable old rotnth remedy, N. II. Down's Elixir: ""'Why my mother anve It to mewhen I wa a child, and I iip It In my futility : It always cure." It Is ulwav Ktiiir anteeil to cure or money refunded. I'or sale by II. A.Ptoke. Every mother should have A t iili n fc (III tilnlteeiit always lit the house In rne nf accl dent from htiriis, m'lilihi or hruNes. For mile by II. A.Hinkt!. Cotlvrm ran ho petniiinenlly eared by thouwof Hauler's Mandrake lilt ten.. , I'or sale l y II. A. Htnkc. Notice of Apiilinition lor In corporation In the Court of Cimitimit I'Ichh of .telTerHnn Comity. YOTICF, l liet.t,y iilreti Mutt mi iiiaillcittlnn A' will lie made to Hie said Cntn t mi HieZlot iliiyof Mnreli, A. I) IWW. Ht J:( nVlm-k. P. tl.. miller the Cii'tMiriillon Art nf MM nnd the supplements Hietetn, hv Htephett Yonc hock, IVier KUh.l'niil M IMvi'.lnlui lloi soil leu nil Em ery Etniwly, ftif Hie ehiitter of an Ititentleil In I'fii iKitiillmi to l' in I It'll the First Hlek Iteiiefll nnd I'ntrloHf Hi.iiIii'iIhmmI nf Kleiitnnn, I'ii., Hn- hiiraeler anil iiIiWhm of which Is fur the purpose nf niHliilnliilnit n heneHrlnt or pro li'filve Ms'leiy hv paylini lietiellls In nnd re lieving It memhers from funds enlleeti'd therein who, thmuith sickness or illsnlilllty arising from an Inlury are tumble to follow I hell' usual hiiHlness in- iH-eupaHnn. nr mime other hostile or n.'rmmtlmi whelehr aiteh memliers may earn a livelihood it ml upon the ileiitli of a memlH'r, pay a stipulated sum to nis ii'um rcpri'st'iiiiitive. mill tor the purpiMfl of tllsseniluiiHtiK sentiments of luvallv and imlrliitlstti ami feellnus nf ilevotliin in the Cltlted Htlltes nf Atticl'lelu iintrtiitf lis nipm. Iiers, and fur these purposes to have, possess itnu iifi.ii). hii iite Mums, iHMieiiis ami privi leges runfe, red hy the said Act and Its sup pleiiieiits. ti. M. Mi'IIiisai.d. Hollcltor. ARE YOU NERVOUS Or "out of Horte" and ho not in harmony with your neigh bor? For a headache or iiervouBiieHH MaglG Headache Powders are invaluable. They have done wonders for thousands who have used them. Try them and do not allow an easily cured ailment to steal away your brains. No one need do so with Magic Head ache Powders for 10c. at all druggists. STOKE, the DriiQQlst, lleynoldsville, Pa. .1 f7tfff hi mull on rerelnt nf lOr. DOWNS' Cures Coughs, Colds, Croup, Whooping-Cough, Consumption and all Lung Diseases. People stand by Downs' Elixir because it cures and has cured for sixty-five years. This Is the 1 strongest possible endorsement of i its merits, fries 2.c. 600. ana 1.00 per bottle. At Druggists. Henry, Johoioa 1 Lord, Propt., Burlington, Vt. For aiilu by H. A. Stoho. Of itarxocos VILLK. Cnpital, Surplus. 850,000. 85,500. C. llllrltrll, President Kt-oll.lfi riulliiiiil, Vlre trvn. J oli ii II. Kuurlier. ( uhlilrr. Directors: f. Mlteliell, Seott M.tflellitnd. .1. C. King, John II. Corbel!, (j. K. Drown, U. W. Kiillnr, J. II. Kuuehor. line it itetlt'l-n! tiiinUlnvt IniNlneHHHnd tiollrllN lite neeounttt of iiiereltiintH, profeHHlomil nien, funnel, tnerhunieit, mine iit, l-.ttnliei-nieii nnd inhei-H. pmmlNlllit till) inns! eitieftil ill utntlon In tho inminehk of ail jwi-hoiik. Sure. Depoklt lioxea for rent. Klt-Ht National llitnk IjuIIiIIiik, Nolun block Fire Proof Vault. L. M. SNYDER, Practical florse-sboer And General Blacksmith. IIoim) HhonliiK done In Ihu imiitiHl manner and hy the Intent Improved niitlioilN. Ite puliiiiK of all UlniU eititifully nnd promptly done. AtlBUL-llUK (iLAIlAMKfcU. HORSE CLIPPING lime Jnat rei'i'lveil u eompli te net of ma chine hot'oe nllppei-h of lateht iylt 'IM pattern ttnd urn pii'iti i-i'ii til du ellppliiK In. Inn bet IKJMbihltj umnntii' nl rniiMtnuhlo i-utuw. Iiu'Uwjii tit. neur Fifth, Hoynoldiville, , First National Bank I '.J. ii"- vi K , fS'tm--'4' 8T0CXXZV DR. D. ft. ViilTCojiiiL Pora roa DOMMTIO AHIMAUI KD ruULTBT... And have your stock look nice and glossy. I'rorlticpa more and richer mlllt than ?L? T P0"."101, mJBd8J " cure for Hog and Chicken Cholera and all disease of poultry won aa Diarrhwa, Roup, Gaps, 8ore Throat, Canker, eta Th popnlai remedy which we can confidently recommend forCouehs, Ooltls, Inflamed Lungs. IMstmper Kidney and Bladder Trouble, Heaves, Thick and Broken Wind. Hide bound and worms, (five It a trial. Satisfaction guaranteed. MATH MOHNEY OtNtHAL AOtNT REYNOLDSVILLE, PENN'A. JOB -TIIE- Job Work Department -OK- The Star Office Is replete with the Latept StyleH of TypeB. Jefferson Supply Go. STORE ivu rr. Is Hen d (quarters for Dry Goods, Notions, Hats and Caps, Boots and Shoes. iisr o ue ; Clothing Department we have great bargains. We invite you to come in and examine our line. It is no trouble to show goods. 1 Oup Furniture Carpet Department is complete and prices that cannot be beat. Largest and Finest Selected Stock of Fresh Groceries in town. Jefferson Supply Co., Pleasant Avenue, lleynoldsville, Penn'a. A CHEST PROTECTOR, And a good one, but no possible protector can rival the merit of the hardware we supply in qualities worthy of the finest chests on earth. Our hardware line is a top one. There's noth ing above it, and we wouldn't carry anything below it. OUR too, always have a size about them that's just right and make it an absolute waste of money to go elsewhere. STOVES! Onr line of heating and cooking stoves ia the largest to be found in town, and our prices are the lowest We can save you money. Reynoldsville Hardware Co. Great Reduction in Dry Goods and Clothing. Fine Dress Goods, 15c. for 10 " " " ' 18c. " 10 " ' " 85c. " 25 " .t t 40c. 05 " " " 65c. 44 50 4 4 44 4 4 75c. 44 55 This is in Fine Henrietta and Novelty Goods. Percale, worth 10c. for 81 ti 12ic. Shirting Print, Blue 44 Red and Black Print, 4-4 Good Muslin, , 4-4 Bleached Muslin, 44 " " 4.4 4-4 Hill 10 04 44 41 3i 4i 5i 4 6J N AVS TARMEBJ ROTHROCK'8 i y, r- J' WORK! Ncnt Work Done on Short Notice! Complete 14ns of Cook Jttinges & Heating fit4ne. PRICES -,4 The same great reduction in Clothing. Working Coot, $1.00 for 85 44 Pants, .65 44 " 75 Child's Suit, 75 44 44 2 00 1 25 44 44 2 50 1 85 44 44 2 75 150 44 4 4 3 5 0 3 00 41 Reefer 4 00 2 50 Knee Pants, 20 Never was goods sold as low as at present. Come and see for yourself. . HANAU, s
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers