' T "
HEAR AN ASSESSOR.
HE RELATES HI9 EXPERIENCE AND
GIVES A BIT OF ADVICE.
lilt I'lnna and I'nverty Prolilrm A larrnt
That Wm Chrap Anjr PrlM A Herna
In Tpprr Trnilnm An Appeal For
ConrtMf to the Amrmnr.
Wlirn liy tolHtii? tlio tmth nil nvll Is
pcri)otmtP(l, tlicul ft is wrong to toll the
tmth. 1 pupinwo that In tlio rciumn n
ninny jioiiplo nro doiiin Bixid liy tolling
f :1ro1khi1h to iicrsonal ninporty hhsoss
im Tlio writer In n deputy nosossor In
tho west town, mid nt mwnt ho in com
liilliiK n Wile that in full of million oiiil
flures. Tho unities nro nil rljrlit, but
tlio liinn who Kalrt "flRtirrs riin't lie"
tiovor nfwosood poincitiiil rmijiorty.
Thero nro iiliout CO of ns iiswsiirs,
who form in a lino lit 0 a. in., tnovo np
to a window In AfKOHfor Jacob M.
Horn's wost town ufllco, Itiiyitmrket
Thontor lnilMing, ninl nt nnr books nml
blank sohnlnlr. Thoo onlfuklil covered
books contain n lit t lo map of somo piir
tictilnr district In tho frrent Went Kiile,
Wo niovo nut. to thoso districts ami k
to work. Tlio town clerk roaster our
oaths to "faithfully pirform tho duties
of nn nnsossor," nnd tho pooplo wo im
sens do tho rest of tho nwenring. Tints
isn't nil. Sometimes thoy not tho dog
on tin nnd otherwiso tront tin ns tlionnli
wo wore book agents. That makes tlio
assessor warm, nnd then ho Interviews
a neighbor regarding property that Is
not accessible. And tho conseqitenco Is
pooplo who "bounced" tho assessor will
find n valuation placed upon their prop
erty that will c.uiso them to think there
Is nothing certain but dentil nnd taxes.
Occasionally wo find poverty nnd n pi
nno together. Tlio piano is nssossnbln,
and tho poverty Isn't If yon assess the
piano, yon increase tho poverty, nun
there you nro.
These incongruities como np, nnd ou
less yon hnvo tho wisdom of a board uf
equalization there is trouble Speiikiur
about this lioard, I have an idea that
thoy will just about donblo tho poor as
sessors' figures when they get down t
work. A kenn assessor can locnto every
piano in his district If ho doesn't hear
It, everybody else in tho neighborhood
has, nnd they tell him about it I nsked
a real nice looking lady the other day if
she bad a piano, and sho said "No. "
"Why, yes, mamma, we have," said
hor little. girL
Tlio mother said: "Go into the house
this minute, you unughty girl. How
dare you I" And then thochild know sho
bad done something wrong. She had
told tho truth to a nasty, moan assessor.
I went into a little candy store on the
same street To the woman behind the
counter I stated my business.
She replied: "I am a poor widow. My
i God, what will I do?" Tears flowed
. down her cheeks, and she sobbed as
, though her heart would break. The as
sessor felt so mean that he sneaked out
' Without asking her name.
Even the parrots are down on assesr.
ors. A Lafliu street bird told the as-
. essor to go to any number of times
while he was oonduoting the inquisito-
: rial ceremony.
"That bird speaks very plainly, " said
l the writer.
' '"Just hear the dear fellow. Ho can
, say just as plainly as I can. I will
. soil, him for $10. There's a bargain. "
. And the lady meant every word she saiC
A parrot that can cuss an assessor is dirt
cheap at any price.
This is how they do it on Ashland
. boulevard:
- Scene, front stoop of a stone man-
i sion. Dramatis porsonae, lady with
large dinmouds in her ears. Negligee nt-
. tire. Assessor with book and an official
: smile.
Lady We are cleaning house today,
; all topsy turvy, and yon cannot oome in.
Assessor Not at all ' necessary, my
door madnm, that I should go in. I
have brought this book and my imagi
nation along, and I can see all that is
necessary. I see that this is a beantif")
house, and tho eye of my imagination
penetrate these walls. I see a grund pi-
. ano, statuary by Throwalstere, paint
ings by tlio old and now masters, tapes
tries from .'India, carpets from Turkey,
china from Dresden, brio-a-diroo from
all parts of t the world in short, every
thing that a lady of your exceptional
, Judgment '-'mid use in emtollishiug
.- inch a noble mansion.
Lady Sir!
Assessor While I can hardly venture
i to place a valuation upon sadh treat
. ores I will be .moderate and aay $10,
000. JLady Do it If you dare 1 Oomeiinand
, see.
TJie assessor went in and formd his
mental picture aeorcely overdrawn, but
(the final courtesy caused a slump tn the
Tarnation.
Hero is a bit of advice to persona who
are inclined to resent the intrusiom.of
an assessor. The advice does not coat a
,oent, but if you do not act upon it you
may be .caused no end of trouble sad
money ajso. Throw yonr door wide opes
to the assessor, invite iiim in, give hirst
to understand that yon are the obliged
party and tjlve hint the information he
seeks, and ft is 10 to 1 that yon will be
treated fairly, and a point or two may
be stretched in your taw. Shut him
out, and he avill moke a record of the
fact, and in fixing the valuation of
your proper: 7 Hud nothing in yonr fa
vor. If you go to the office with your
schedule, the f out that yon refused ad
mittance to 'he deputy it noted, and in
that event yon will pay all the low de
mands. West Sid Assessor in Chica
go Times-Herald,
Diplomatic.
"Mr. Hawkins," said she, "I wish
you'd docido a bet between me and Mr.
Borrows. He says it is only 600 foot
from here to the hotel, and I say it is
I 000 foot. "
'"Well," said Hawkins, "I should
ay yon were both right It's about 600
of Barrow's feet and 1.000 of yours."
London Tit-Pit.
A GREAT BLOWHOLE.
The fUhgafcw nock Formation on th An,
trallan Coaat.
One tho most pleasant nn well as
famous touriBt resorts in Now South
Wales is situated on the const some 70
miles south of Sydney. Thn center of
this district is Klnma, a picturesque
and thriving towu surrounded by rich
agricultural country, and which has
been built upon nil old igneous flow of
basalt that has solidified and crystal
lized into lingo columns of what is pop
ularly called "blnostono. " This forma
tion is soou to perfection 011 tho west
Coast of Hcot land mid north of Ireland
at Ht. FiiiHal's eavo and other places,
and thoso who nro iiecntalntd with tho
rugged npiK'iirnt'in of tlio coast in these
places can form a good idea nf tho ap
pearance of tlio New South Wnles coast
nt this point. Kiiiinn, unlike other tour
ist resorts, can bo thoroughly onjoyed
in 'Cither fair or stormy weather, and
thoso who visit tho town when a good
gain in blowing have nil opportunity of
witnessing n sight the liko of which
does not exist elsewhero on our glolio.
Tho famous "Blowhole" hero situated,
in the middle of a rocky headland run
ning ont Into tho sea, forms n truly wo -droiis
sight. With pnch suonessivo breti'-.
r tho ocean spray is sent shooting up
into the nir sometimes ns high as from
800 to 400 foet, descending in a drench
ing shower and accompanied by n rum
bling no! so ns of distant thunder, which
can 1h heard for many miles around.
This "Blowholo" is a singular nat
ural phenomenon, and consists of a per
pendicular holo, nearly oireulnr, with ft
diameter of about ton ynrds across, nnd
has tho appearance of being the crater
of nn extinct volcano. This is connected
with tho ocean by a cavo nbont 100 ynrds
in length, tho senward opening of which
is in nil respects similar to St. Fingal's
envo on tho west coast of Scotland, tho
snmo perpendicular basnltio columns
forming tho sido walls of each. Into
this cave towering waves rush during
stonny weather, nnd as tho cave oxtcntls
some distanco farther into tho rock thnn
the "Blowholo," on the entrance of
oooh wovo this cavity becomes full of
compressed air, which, when the tension
becomes too great, blows tho wnter witli
stupendous force up to tho perpendicu
lar opening. Photographic Journal.
HANDCUFFS 8TOP TALK.
And Breaking- a Prisoner's Jaw Keep
II I in From Running; Away.
A police officer was under cross ex
amination in tho police court Tho de
fendant was charged with using vulgar
language, battery, disturbing tho pooco,
drunkenness and resisting an officer.
"You put tho handcuffs on this man,
didnt you?" asked the attorney for the
defense,
"Yes, sir."
"Whydidyondothatf Was ho resist
ing or attempting to escapo at that
timof"
"No, sir."
"He was walking along quietly
enough, wasn't he?" .
"Yos."
"Then why did you handcuff hirar"
"He was using vulgar language "
"But why did yoa put those things
on his wrists?"
"I couldn't put thorn on his mouth.'
"What did ho do thenf"
"He tried to run."
"And what did you dor"
"I broke his jaw for him."
"Why did you break his Jaw?"
"Well, I couldn't break his log, could
I?"
"Then, as X understand it, you put
handcuffs on him to keep him from us
ing vulgar language and broke his jaw
to keep him from running?"
"Yes, air; that's right; that' what I
did"
"Did the handcuffs stop his vulgar
language?"
"That's what they did "
"How?"
"Well, he's deaf and dumb, and he
was swearing with his fingers. "
"Did breaking, his Jaw stop his run
ning?" "Yos,ir. When he came to he wm
whcrolieoouUn'trun." Son Franolsco
Post
Cltlasa Train.
George Francis Train cat in state in
Madison Square park the other day, and
as he lolled on a bench munching pea
nuts a man .came along who had been
drinking. There are few persons on
earth who fhlnlc the sage of the square
an easy inuJc for thoir shafts of wit
"Kinjroasellme," asked the lurch
ing chap, "wiy you are crasy?"
George Frauds looked at him seri
ously for a moment "Yes," he an
swered; "I aun pursued by so many
fools who ask questions. "
"Don't sensible folks rer talk to
you?" went oa the man.
"Never," replied the philosopher.
"You have answered your own ques
tion," he went on. "If you need the in
formation really, you put yourself down
as a silly person. If you're act bright
enough to see Che point, you are con
victed of being one of the class foa men
tion. In any event you're a fooL Now
go home and reason it out " And the
.half dozed individual sauntered away.
New York World.
"Tels It to tha Marine,
Miss Inland (to old salt, who Is thaw
ing the party over the flagship) And
what ore all those soldiers on board aklD
for?
Bo'scn's Mate Thlmf Oh, tbim'i
the marines, mum.
Miss Inland Marines? And what am
thoy for?
Papa Inland Don't ask so many fool
ish questions, Mary Ellen. Everybody
knows those gentlemen are employed by
the government for the sailors to tell
stories to. Pearson's Weekly.
from roves of Habit.
Anna I wonder what makes Mr.
Droop ley down in the mouth tonight?
Gaybelle Force of habit, I suppose;
ho's a dentist, you know, Boston Courier.
PROMPTLY AN8WERED,
General Bran's Cmtnnrirntn Didn't Rathe
the Irishman for a Moment.
One of General It .van's peculiarities
Is that ho never tolls the same story to
tlio same man a second time. Not long
ago ho was talking about hl.t travels in
the United Kingdom. "I had nlways
thought," said ho, "that tho fur.mus
Irish wit and ropartio woro only to lie
found on tho stage or in Lover's novels,
but I eamo away from Ireland with u
very different idea.
"I was stopping at a little country
Inn, nnd a game of cards wns in prog
ress. I wns invited to tako a hand, nnd
as an American I r,ed Irishman I thought
I ought to keep up thn reputation of tho
country for sociability. I nsked whnt
they woro playing, nnd they replied
'Forty-five,' Bn old time Irish game. I
told them that I barely know the rules,
Jmt thnt I conld play seven up, onehre
or nearly any other American enrd game.
But they instated on my taking a linnd,
and I did so, Ono of tlio pages, who was
standing nt tho book of my chair,
watched my hand pretty closely, nnd
tho first time I mndo a bad play he said,
otto voce: 'Holy Mises, I nlver son
snch a piny in mo loife. I wonder
phwere tho dlvil tlio inon cum from.'
I paid no attention to him, of course,
and wont on with the gnnio. Tho next
time I mndo a bad piny, nnd It wasn't
very long, he again said, talking to him
self, 'Hodnd, niver did I see a inon play
the loikes of that. ' I began to bo an
noyed, but still I said nothing, although
a man never likes to bear it snid that
ho plays a game badly, but the man wns
talking to himself and monnt no harm.
However, when ho broke nut tho third
time I could contnin myself no longer.
I turned nronnd and snid, "Look hero,
my friend, nre you playing those cards,
or am I?' Tho Irishman looked nt me
for a moment, and then said, 'Nnythcr
uv us, yonr honor, savin yonr prisiuco,
sor.'
"I Joined the rest of them in tho
laugh, nnd said, 'Well, boys, order np;
thnt puts 'om on ma ' " Cincinnati
Tribune.
HE KNEW JERSEY EGOS.
Tha Win Printer Could Tell by Their
Rlie and Hliape.
Two printers lunched nt a Park row
restaurant tho othor day. Ono ordered
"boot nnd" and tho other two boiled
eggs. When tho eggs wero placed bofore
tlie ono who ordered them, he snid to his
companion, "Why, those are Jersey
eggs."
"How do you know thoy are Jersey
eggs? They might have been laid In
Pennsylvania or Kentucky for oil you
know. "
"Well, I guess not Thoso eggs came
from Jersey, and I know it. "
To prove it the proprietor was called
into the discussion, and when asked ho
aid tho eggs were Jorsey eggs.
Then the egg eater explained! "Ovor
In Jorsey the farmers, or same of them
at least, use a board with holes, large
and small, bored in it All eggs that
will go through the small holes are sent
to mnrket, and those which will only go
through the large holes are reserved for
home consumption. "
Another printer dovlsed a scheme for
procuring good butter at his boarding
Louse table. The landlady had two ta
bles for her guests ranged ono each side
of a large room. At one the women
boarders and married couples sat, whilo
at the other table the bachelors were
plaoed. At the women's table there was
always good butter, but at the other the
buttor was emphatically inforior. A
printer boarder suffered long and pa
tiently, but nt last he rebolled. He went
to the dining room just before dinner
one evening and changed the butter
from one table to the othor. A howl
from the women's table shortly after
had the desired effect
The butter was of equally good qual
ity at both tables thereafter. New
York Journal.
The t'ompaaa Plant,
On tho western pralrlo is found the
compass plant whoso leaves point to the
north. We wish to direct you to the
great health giver, Bacon's Celory
King for the nerves. If you are suffer
ing from dyspepsia, liver complaint and
indigestion, if you are sleepless at night
and uwako In the morning feeling lan
guid, with coated tongue nnd sallow,
haggard looks, Bacon's Celery King for
tho Norves will cure you and restore
you to blooming health. Trial pack'
ages free. Large size 50c. at W. B
Alexander, sole agent.
An Odd Waier.
A queer wager is the one popularly
believed to have been won by Sir Wal
ter Raleigh from Queen Elizabeth, on
the debatable question of how much
moke ia contained in a pound of to
bacco. A pound of the article was
weighed, burned and then weighed in
ashes, and the question was hold to be
latlsfactorily settled by determining the
weight of the smoke as exactly that of
the tobaooo before being burned, minus
the ashes. The fact of the ashes having
received an additional weight by com
bination with the oxygen of the atmos
phere was unthonght of by Elizabeth
and the knight
Karl's Clover Root will purify your
blood, clear your complexion, regulate
your bowels and make your head clear
as a bell. 25c, fiOo. and tl.OO. Sold by
J. C. King & Co.
Every Woman
Sometimes needs a reli
able monthly regulating
Dr. PEAL'S
PENNYROYAL PILLS,
Are prompt, and oaruin In remit, too aanw
Ine (Dr. PmI'D ner disappoint. Wot eur
M.M. iaal uxUdue Oo Clartlud. O.
Vol sale at II, Alex Bloke's drug store.
1
A Itlg Murprlae,
In storo for nil who try Ilnoon's Cel
ery King for the Norves. Tlio general
verdict of nil who hnvo used tho great,
veifotnblo preparation Is that It is tho
grandest remedy ever discovered for
tho euro of dyspepsia, liver complaint,
general debility, oto. Bacon's Celery
King for tho Nerves stimulates thu
dlgestivo organs, regulates tho liver
and restores tho system to vigorous
health 11 lid energies. Samples free.
Ijirgo packages JiOe. Hold only by W.
B. Alexnndor.
Gentlemen: I cannot forliear from
writing 11 lino In approval of your
I food's Celery. I havu boon a sufferer
from nervous hcudnchcs until I thought
my head would burnt. Nearly every
remedy I tried seemed to nggrnvnto my
HiilTerlng. Two bottles of your wonder
ful nu (llclno hnvo mndo my life worth
living nnd the world brighter for ma.
I'll ano accept thu thanks of a grateful
woman. .1. Mll.MCKNT Vkhnkk, 2A8
McMillan Avenuo, Cincinnati, O. Sold
by Stoke, tho druggist.
Rnndaj Recreation.
Mrs. Ed n ah Cheney remarks t "It has
always boon my test for spending Hnn
day to see how one got up on Monday
morning. If 011 that morning work
seems sweet and you nre ready to
do it heartily nnd hnpplly, then you
have spent your Sunday to some pnr
pnso. I don't care whether it Is In
church or out, lu the flolds or in yonr
quiet home with a book in your hand,
r playing and frolicking with the chll
Irou. But however yon have spent Suu
day tho tost of It Is that the dawn of
Monday seems blessed nnd good and
hopeful. " Philadelphia Ledger.
T)rCTa Ttv
14
atfcQQTl
TtMB AMI
'.aMl
1 . t
roe CSE IT WILL NOT 6UHE.
An sgroMthle Taxnttve ana Rnmi Towio.
Bold bjrjpniirRlsts or sent bymsll. 0otUo.
sod $1.00 per rack-ago. Bnmplos free.
ITA TI A T"9 Fsvortte TOOTH f 0TB
MXXM tlUfortheTactbandlJreaUi.Ii&o.
Hold by J. I'. King- & Co
Get. an Education.
Rdiiciitlcin and fortune (in linnd In linnd.
Ret an eilni-iillnn nt the Central Htnlo Nor
mal Hchiiol, ls-k lliiven, lu. Klrnt-eliiH
ni'i'iininiiHliilloiiH mill lew rates. Plulu alii tn
students. For lllimtrnted riituloKiio address
IAMKH KI.DON, I'll. II., l'rliM-luil,
I.ock lliiven, Pa.
First National Bank
OF It E YNOLDS VILLE.
CKPITKL 900,000.00.
. Nltrhrll, Prealdentl
Neolt MrMellMiid, Vice Prea.
John II. Handier, Cainlcr.
Directors:
C. Mitchell, Hcolt McClelland, .1. C. King,
JuM iili HtriuiHH, U. R. Hrown,
O. W. Fuller, J. II, Knuclivr.
Dol'S a general tmnklnKtniHliicsK and solicits
the accounts of merchants, professional men.
farmnrN. mechanics, minora, lumlHirmun and
iithcruromlHliiii tho most curoful attention
to the business of all purwina.
Sato Deposit Boxes for rent.
First National Dank bulldlnu, Nolan block
Flrc Proof Vault.
ADMINISTRATOR'S NOTICE.
Not leo Is hereby Riven that letters of Ad
ministration on tho eHtato nf Michael ConYe,
Into of UeynoldNvllle, JelTerson county, I'a.,
have been Minted to C. J. Kerr, of Kcynolds
vllle, I'a. All persons Indebted to said
estate are required to make linmedlato pay
ment to the administrator, and thoso havliiK
claim nimliiHt It will present them, properly
probated, to htm tor suulumunt.
ft. J. Kr.nii,
Administrator CT. A. of M. Coffee Estate,
lteynoldsvllle, I'a.
Moore 6 Dickinson,
THE GROCERS,
(Successors to Schultze & Son)
Are now prepared to satisfy
the wants of everybody in
the line of
Fancu and Staple
Groceries, Grockeru,
Glass and Ghlnaware.
We guarantee our prices
among the lowest for a stand
ard class of goods, and would
much rather sell our custom
ers something we know they
will be pleased with than an
inferior article.
We Pay
the highest price for farm
produce, and ask all our
readers to call and see us in
the Schultze building, oppo
site Bell's clothing Btore.
Goods delivered promptly I
37 737? I
J
A, D, DEEMER & CO.
Arnold
In order to accommodate tlio
our more uany we are compelled to bo on the alert for
new goods constantly. Wo have succeeded in get
ting Junt what you want in tho latest styles of
id -Summer
Call in and seo tho
Swisses, Lawns,
Dimities,
In all figures, Zephyrs, Ginghams
Sfitines plain and iigured.
Do not fail to get one of Grandma's Delights. They art
nice and very cheap.
SHOES!
They are daily arriving. With every pair of $2.00 shoes
we will give one bottle of Shoe Tolish, black
or tan. Do not let this offer go by.
A, D. Deemer & Go.
JOB WORK!
-THE-
Job Work Department
OK
The Star Office
Is replete with the Latest
Styles of Types.
SUBSCRIBE FOB THE STB
-AND GET
Local, Gountu and State
O
Ml IN!
Where?
TO THE
"B66 Hive" Store,
WHERE
L. J. Mc En tire, & Co.,
The Groceryman, deals in all
kinds of
Groceries. Canned
Goods. Green Goods.
Tobacco and Cigars, Flour
and Feed, Baled Hay and
Straw. Fresh goods always
on hand.
Country produce taken in
exchange for goods.
A share of your patronage
is respectfully solicited.
Very truly yours,
Lawrence J. McEntlre & Co..
Th Groca-rymcn.
Cl ,i T S aaaaaaa-aaaa.
a. 0 M
. 11 1
I 1 A
I CHAMPION. I jLT
Block.
iinmeiiHt) trade which throng
Dress Goods
largest selection of
Dutches,
DeLorns, DucW
Neat Work Done
on Short Notice
ALL THE-
News tor S1.50 a Year.
OIL
TAKES THE PUCI OF bAKGEROUt
GASOLINE. SOEt IN ANT IT0VE.
nTTTlViro N0 t0Kf, DINT OR 0D0N. S
liJXiMJl.) eiiFiMi tuim moon ns coal
WAXT AGENTS on
salary or commission.
Sana Tor cataiogu or
PrloM and Tsrmt,
NATIONAL OIL BURNER CO.
oa ccoAit Ave.
CLEVELAND, OHIO.
J. S. MORROW,
DEALER IN
Dry Goods,
Notions,
Boots, and
Shoes,
Fresh Groceries
Flour and
Feed.
GOODS DELIVERED FREE.
OPERA HOUSE BLOCK?
Reynoldsville, Pa.