VOLUME 3.
KEYNOLDSVILLE, PENN'A., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 12, UK) I.
NUMIJER 31.
Ooti'la.
II
OTF.L McCOXNKLL,
HKYXOT.mVHXK. PA.
FItAXKJ. HLACK, Proprietor.
The Iciidiim hotel of the town. 1 1 i-inlipiii r
tcis for coininc rclnl men. Mtciini licnt, free
him, Itiitli room unit eiovcts mi every llHir,
HtiiiipU1 room-, lUlllurd room, telephone con
nections II
OTKf, UIXNAP,
KKYNOM)SVlLLK, PA.
L. S. .WLKLLAXIK Pwprktm:
VlrM rnn Inrverv pnrtlculnr. Loralnd In
llu very tvnirt of ilir IiiIih-o part of limn.
I'm' lnit to inifl from iritln and rnnimodlmm
ftnniplt' room for rnmtnrivhil traveler.
C
lOMMKKCIAL HOTEL,
llRtmKVILLK. PA.,
PHIL . CAHUIHH, 1 ')!( tor,
Htinmle rooms on the in-onml Ihsir. House
licntcd I'V mil null mm. Omnibus to iinrt from
til trains.
M
oonirs wixdsoh hotel,
1217-2!) FlI.llKKT BTHKKT.
PHILADELPHIA. - PENN'A,
PJiKSTO.X J. MOO UK, l'mjiriitor.
IMS lu ll rooms, limes Slue per diiv Ameri
can l'Inti. I1 Work from P. II. H. lH-Mil nml
i liloi-k from New I'. A. K. It. In-pot.
itlisccUtUtrcnta.
JUSTICE OK TIIK PEACE
And Ki'iil Kslalc Airt tit, ICf.vticlilvlll, Pit.
Q MITCHELL,
ATTOKNKY-AT-LAW.
Oflit-e on West Mtllll street, opposite the
t'onilncrelal Motel, Rcynold-vlUc. Pa.
D
11. H. K. HOOVER,
REYN Ll)SVILLE, PA.
Itesldcnt dentist. Ill 1itlllilil neiir Metho
dist chiiivh, opiiosltc Arnold hlock. t.entle-m-ss
In opcrntiutf.
c. r. (iiiKiMis. joii w. turn
qordon & reed,
attorneys-at-law,
ltronkvllle, Jefferson Co., Pn.
Office in room formerly occupied ny (iordon
& I'orlK'tt West Muln Street.
W. 1. KeCRACKEH,
BrookTllli,
e. m. Mcdonald,
RsynoldiTllli.
jyjt.'CRACKEN& McDONALD,
Attornrtjn und Ciiwwllor-itt-Lutt,
Office At Reynoldlvlllo mid ltrookvllle.
It
EYNOLDSV1LLK LAUNDRY,
WAIT SING, Proprietor,
rornnr4th niiwt nnd flordon alley. KlrM
tf'ltiHH work dnm at rt'HHonahlv prtcw Givo
thv laundry h trial.
RllkfaiJlD.S.
All Kinds of Work
in the Dental Line
Promptly and Neatly Done.
Dr. Harbison is a graduate
of the Baltimore College of
Dental Surgery, the oldest
dental college in the world.
Office on Main St. oppo
site Hotel Belnap, Reynolda-
ville.
Consultation and Examination
FREE,!
J. S. MORROW.
DF.ALEB IN
Dry Goods,
Notions,
Boots, and
Shoes,
Fresh Groceries
Flour and
Feed.
. GOODS DELIVERED FREE.
OPERA - HOUSE BLOCK
Beynoldsville, Pa.
HE WISHED HIMSELF A DOd.
"I wh I wn a d"(f," hoaafd.
With PVtd'Mit dtfttfit".
And nMrttiHy hit Hlnchint fit
Into htn puflo-tfl thrwit.
Ill wifo ltovcd her trmli'NMit car
tpon lnT puppy- Tun,
B"t not. n kindly wort or lwk
Would iliu ! itil ti lorn.
Th nrnvrt rn.r .h rnmnritt
Of all her innrr1-tl hi
Who ftiH itst. in lift "no amounV
Tim dnhv of n wll'o.
I'vh st-wi It fri'intiMy mywdf
And iti'Vi-T will f'lru-!
8ht fniwnd nnd ow1rd upna Mr
"hnl.."
liut null 'I iiij'Hi hnr it.
1 d not wondi-r tlntt, n rrmn
In uoh dointiHiid hn.
Will ulnk Into th d.pt. wo
And wuli Mm tclf tbt
It I had tuirh a wlh a Iht).
On nwiH.1 rwna" I'd f ast.
I'd muk" h r wpinrely t' tlm mark
And kill Hii tartiul
-Nfbratkn Jonrnal.
NAPOLEONIC STOCK.
HIS FATHER WAS A PATRICIAN AND
HIS MOTHER A PEASANT.
Hut the Lnttrt Wm Cast in Hernia
Maid, nl IT in Ilrr tll Hon Clnt 111.
Tremendous I'lij-.lenl Kndtininee Hli
Wim Mother nf n l.nrite I'nnilly.
Of tho father nnd niotlu-r of tlie em
peror Frnfi'Heor W. M. Slonno writes
its follows iu Century:
Certnin undisputed facts throw n
Btrong lilit on Nnpoluon's father. His
peoplo were proud mid poor; ho endured
tho hiuilsliips of poverty with equanim
ity. Strengthening whnt littlo influenco
ho conld iiuiKter, ho nt lirst npprnrs nni
liitiouH nnd has himself dcserilH-d in his
diploma as a pntrieinn of Florence, 8nn
Miniiitonnd Ajnecio. On tho other Imnd,
with no nppmeut regard for his person
al advancement liy mnrritiKO, ho follow
ed his own inclination, nnd in 1704, nt
tho ngo of 1H, rashly perhaps, liut Ral
lnntly, woddetl a lowly nnd beautiful
child of 15, Lotitin Rninolino.
Her descent was tho roverso of her
huRhnnd's, although her fortnno was
quite equal if not superior to his. Sho
was of peasant nature to tho lust day of
her long lifo hardy, unsentimental,
frugnl nnd sometimes unscrupulous.
Yet tho hospitality of her littlo homo In
Ajncoio was lavish, after the manner
of her kind, nml consequently famous.
Among tho many guests who availed
thomsolves of it was Mnrbonf, com
mander in Corsica of tho first army of
occupation. Thoro was long afterward
a malicious tradition that the French
general was Nnpoloon's father. The
morals of Lctitin di Buonaparte, like
those of her conspicuous children, have
been bitterly assailed, but her own good
name, at least, has always been vindi
cated. The evident motive of tho story
sufficiently refutes such an aspersion as
it contains. Of the brido's extraordina
ry beauty thoro novor has been a doubt.
Sho was a woman of lieroio mold, like
Juno in her majesty, unmoved in pros
perity, undaunted in adversity. It was
probably to his mother, whom he strong
ly resembled in childhood, that tho fa
mous son owod his tremendous, even gi
gnntio, physical endurance. If in his
mother was reproduced tho type of a
Roman matron, in tho son would bo re
called tho virtues and vigor of nn ira
porator. After thoir mnrringo the youthful
pair rosided in Corto, waiting until
events should permit their return to
Ajaccio. Naturnlly of nn indolent tem
pcramont, tho husband was nt first
drawn into tho daring enterprises of
Paoli nnd displayed a temporary en
thusiasm, but for more than a year bo
fore the end be weariod of them. At the
head of a body of men of his own rank
he finally withdrew to Monte Rotoudo,
and on May 23, 1769, a few weeks be
fore Paaii's flight; the band made form
al submission to the two Frenoh gen
erals, Marbeuf and Vaux, explaining
through Buonaparte that tho national
leader had misled them by promises of
aid which never came, and that, recog
nizing the impossibility of farther re
sistance, they were anxious to accept
the new government; to return to their
homes and to resume the peaceful con
duot of tboir affairs. It was this pre
cipitate naturalization of the father ai
a French citizen which made his great
sou a Frenchman. Less than three
months afterward, on Aug. IS, his
fourth child, Nupoleone di Buonaparte,
was born in Ajaooio.
The resources of the Buonapartes, as
they still wrote themselves, were small,
although their family and expectations
were large. An only child, Letitin had
inherited her father's little home and
his vineyards in the suburbs, for hor
mother had married a second time. Hor
stepfather had beeu a Swiss mercenary
in the pay of Genoa. In order to secure
the woman of his clioioe he became a
Roman Catbolio and was the father of
Mme. di Buonaparte's half brother, Jo
seph Fesch. Charles himself was tho
owner of lands in the interior, bat they
were heavily mortgaged, and he oould
contribute little to the support of his
family. His uncle, a wealthy landlord,
bad died childless, leaving his domains
to the Jesuits, and they bad promptly
entered into possession. Aooording to
the terms of his grandfather's will, the
bequest was void, for the fortune was
to fall in suoh a case to Charles' mother,
and on ber death to Charles himself.
Joseph, bis father, bad wasted many
years and most of bis fortuno in weary
litigation to recover the property. Noth
ing daunted, Charles settled down to
pursue the same phantom, virtually de
pending for a livelihood on his wifo's
small patrimony. Ho became nn officer
of tho highest court ns assessor and was
in ado in 1779 a member and Intern
deputy of tho council of Corsicnn nobles.
Tho peasant mother was most prolific!.
Her eldest child, born iu 1705, watt a
son, who died in infancy; in 1707 wai
born a daughter, Mario Anno, destined
to tho samo fato; in 1708 a son, known
Inter ns Joseph, but. baptized ns Nabu
lione; in 17(111 tlin gront sou, Napoleone.
Nino other children wero tho fruit of
tho samo wedlock, and six of them
threo sous Lueien, Louis nnd Jerome,
nnd threo daughters, Elise, Paulino nnd
Cnrolino survived to share their broth
rr'n greatuess. Charles himself, like his
short lived nneestors of whom five had
died within a century reached only
early middle nge, dying in his thirty
ninth yenr. Lctitin, liko tho stout Cor
sican that she wns, lived to tho ripe ago
of 8(1 iu tho full enjoyment of her facul
ties, known to tho world by the sobri
quet of Mine, Mere.
FOOLEU THE POLICEMEN.
Two Jokers In Loflr I'ereh FlnnllyOnt.
wit I'stlent IllnecnaU.
Two young men, supmseilly In
spirit of mischief, climbed up ahlg polo
of tho Hell Telephone company on N In
dian street, between Twenly-liist, mid
Twenty-second, before daylight and es
tablished themselves in tho "crow's,
nest" Just below tho first of tho wirn
lieartng crossbars on a recent morning.
Thern they sat and sang songs until a
pns.sing milkman culled up and usked
What tliey were doing.
"Oh, ask of tho man in tho moon. "
Warbled one, ami tho other said flint
they wero hunting for tho milky w-ty.
The milkman left iu disgust and nnti
Hcd a policeman of tho Fifth district
that a pair of nuisances wero holding
forth "in a cage on a polo. " Tho police
man summoned a brother patrolman,
and tho two went to tho pluce designat
ed, where the jokers'had changed their
programme and remained s silent ns
the grave.
"Como downl" demanded the poltc
man, but he received no answer. "If
you don't, we'll coinn tip and bring you
down. "
"Then we'll push dom oops away,"
responded tho singer up tho pole.
I'lm thrnfit u'ny tnn timnh for tlm hlnn
coats, so they replied that they woultf
wait below until the niun got tired of
being up in the air and camo down nf
their own accord. They were answered
with a laugh, but sat dowu on the curb
stone and chewed tobacco A crowd col
looted, and the men up above outurtain
ed it with making jokes at tho expense
of the, patient guardians of the peace
The crowd was augmented by hundreds
of neoplo on their way to work, who
stood nnd watched the strango spectacle
until their necks got kinks in them
Tho entertainers meanwhile were not
Idle and rewarded their sightseers with
a variety of funny performances In their
elevated and oonlinud quarters.
Tho wires and door of the box that
contains tho head cable camo iu for a
good share of their attention, and they
rattled and banged to their hearts' eou
tout. Finally they got tired and begun
to descend. The poluieraeu grinned ex
pectautly nnd tho crowd was breathless
with interest.
"You're coming down, are you?"
shouted tho policemen derisively, but
the men mndu no rosponso. Suddenly
the lower one, when nbout ten feet ubovo
tho roof of the itdjaceut housu, made it
spring and lauded on the roof iu safety.
The other one followed suit before the
people below could say a word. Thoro
they poked their beads over the eaves
and shouted:
"Yah, hnhl Did we como down?"
Then thoy disappeared and huvo not
been seen since. Where they weut is a
mystery. Philadelphia Times.
NEEDED DIETING.
Aa Attenuated Horn That ElclUd an
OfflMr UnDMarF Sympathy.
A South Chicago policeman oame
across an attenuated sorrel horse tied to
a hitching post the other day. He wait
ed a few minutes until the owner ar
rived and then said:
"Why don't you feed your horse
something? I'd wager that he hasn't
seen an oat since he was a colt Do you
feed him on the photograph of a bale of
bay?"
"Mr. Offioer, you don't know that
horse, or you wouldu t talk that way. '
"I don't know the horse, but I know
that yon ought to be run in for working
a starved beast like that. It's a case for
the S. P. C. A. Do yon weigh out his
food to him on an apothecary's scales?"
"Officer, before you say any more do
me a favor. Get in that buggy and
drive around a block, and when yon
come back here tell me what to feed
bim. I'll do whatever you say. "
The policeman got into the buggy and
started off. He thought he was in a
merry go rouud driven by oyolone pow
er. He braced his feet against the dash
board and hung on to the reins until hi
wrists cracked and there was a thowei
of heels all over the road The buggy
slewed around corners on one wheel,
and whoa the horse finally landed up
against the hitching post with its front
legs over the shafts the officer was io
dazod that he couldn't speak for a nitn
ute.
"Well," queried the owner, "what
do you think I d better feed the borse? '
"If I owned him," answered the po
liceman sternly, "I'd feed bim ou
some good reliable ansssthetia " Cbi
ogo Tribune.
old MicKOHv.n wars
Vm PliaraeterMlo Ntnrln nf .larlmnii's
ninnlnm Whn II Was rratilrnt. ,
General Armstrong, assistant com
missioner of Indian n flairs, thinks that
Andrew Jackson was ouo of the greatest
men this country ever produced and
has a number of stories which wero told
him by his uncle, who was nn Intimate
friend of (Jld Hickory. One of thorn is
very characteristic of tho man.
Lewis (.'as, secretary of war, was
over ut the White House one day with
some Important papers for the president
to sign, among tliniu being a court mar
tini findings
"(,'ass, what. Is this?" inquired Jack.
son as he was about to write his name
to the document
"It Is a court martial." answered
Cass
"Whnt bnvo I to do with It?" nskerl
tho president
It dismisses nn officer from tho serv
ice, and the president must sign such or
ders."
Jackson toyed with tho paper nnd
said musingly: "Dismisses him from .
tho nrtny, eh? Why?"
"Drunkenness; getting drunk anil
falling down ou parade or something of
that kind," answered the secretary. ;
"Who ordered tho court?" asked Jack- ''
sou. I
"Ooiiornl Scott," answered Cass
"Who is it?" inquired the president,
with niciro inlorest.
"Inspector Uetioral Krann, " replied
Cass.
"What!" shoutc i Jackson. "My old
friend Krann I Cut s, just read what
that paper says. "
Tito secretary read tho usual form of
the court martial sentence in such eases
Tho president then took tho piisT nnd
wrote across the bottom where ho was
about to sign his name:
"Tho within findings are dinpprriv.
ed, and Colonel Krann is restored In
his duty noil rutik. "
Ho passed the paper back to Secreta
ry I, 'ass and said, with his usual vehe
mence: "lly tho Eternal, Cnss, when yon nnd
Scott serve your country nil well as that
man linn you can get drunk on duty ev
ery day. "
A young man from Tennessee, son of
a friend of General Jackson's, came to
Washington for a place. Ho looked
nbout nnd found what ho wanted. It
Watt in tho war department and tilled
by a very efficient Whig, whom Secre
tary Cass would not remove. The young
man told Jackson tho situation, and
Cass was sent for.
"Cass," said tho president, "this
young man, sou of my old friend, says
you hnvo got a place iu tho war depart
ment filled by a Whig which you won't
give him."
Secretary Cass explained that the
duties of tho offlco were of a poeuliai
kind, and he could get no one to till the
place if tho mnu now in it should be re
moved. Jaoksou flared up.
"By tho Eternal, Cass, do you mean
to tell mo you have nn office in your de
partment filled by a Whig which can't
be filled by a Democrat? Thou abolish
tho ofllcol"
Tho young man got his place. Wash
iugtou Post.
ANOTHER DELUGE.
The Hoy Ilellrvrd In God's 1'romUs, but
Was a Bit Beared.
Boys Mint is, small boys have queer
ideas in their littlo hoitds, ofteu finding
expression in unique speech. That
they are truthful, or nt least intend to
be so, goes without saying. During the
recent local flood n little boy about I
years old stood at the window watching
the rain as it rained. It seemed to him
that be had never seen anything like it;
had n over iu his brief experience no
ticed such strong indications of a regu
lar old fashioned flood. Finally he con
fided his fears to his mother, asking if
she didn't think that God was going to
drown out the world again.
Here was the golden opportunity for
Impressing upon the mind of confiding
childhood the teachings of the Bible. So
he said calmly, "Don't yon remember,
Archibald, that you learned in Sunday
school that God promised that he
wouldn't drown the world again?" The
littlo follow watched the increasing rain
a moment in silence while he poudered
earnestly on the momentous questiou.
"Yes," be said slowly, "yes, I s'pose
I've got to believe what God says, but
but" and he shut bis lips hard
"but this is a devil of a shower."
Stillwater (Minn.) Gazette.
Cardinal CHwbons on BaOTaf
Cardinal Gibbous, in a recent sermon
at the'Baltimore cathedral, said ou the
question of woman suffrage;
The church follows the teachings of
St. Paul, that woman is equal to man,
when he declares that God makes no
distiuotiou as to nationality, raoo or
ex. It seems to me fearful to contem
plate what would have boon the con
dition of society today if it bad not boeu
for the restraining, sanctifying and pu
rifying iuflueuoe of woman. Womau
does not today exorcise the right of suf
fraga She caunot vote, and I am beurt
ily glad of it. I hope the duy will never
come when she can vote, aud if the
right is granted ber I hope she will re
gret it, eveu though there are some mis
guided women who think tboy want it.
Rest assured, if woman entered politics,
he would be sure to carry away with
ber some of the mud aud dirt of the po
litical contact Sho, too, would lose
some of the iuflueuoe which she uow
exerts.
CATHERINE HARRISON, WITCH.
A I'M"" n :arlr Wllrh l.or of na-
nvllt:llt.
Dr C J. I loudly read a paper on
"Catherine Harrison, Witch, " at a meet
ing of tlin Connecticut Historical socie
ty l)r I loudly said that while Cather
ine Harrison was not executed two
were undoubtedly executed for witch
craft ill Connecticut, anil there Were
others nlioiit whom there might liosoino
doubt. This community was not swept
by the superstition as wero sumo parts
of Massiiehii-ctts, hut there Weru those
hero who held t i It.
Catherine Harrison Was a hnuso serv
ant before her marriage, and one of the
daughters of the house wberoslio work
ed mado oath that she was a "notorious
liar, n Snbliatli breaker mid a fortune
teller." The depositions said she had
caused sickness to some people, death
toothers, hud uu unholy influence over
animals, had Im-cii seen to appear ns a
calf and change back to her own shape,
and that ber form or face had frequent
ly nppeared tit people's bedsides and
other unlikely places. At this trial sho
was not convicted, film was arrested
again In May, Kill!), and ugnlu commit
ted to jail. At the following term of
con it she was Indicted, pleuded not
guilty and was tried befo.e a jury. This
jtuy then failed tu ugtee, nnd site was
remanded to jail until cotyt should con
vene again in the full. At thut term tho
jury tendered u verdict of guilty, but
tho court was not satisfied. It obtain
ed an expert opinion on witchcruft from
some mluisteiH, and still not being Hut
islied referred tho mutter to the general
conn. She remained in prison until Mny,
107(1, when tho general court released hor
on Hie payment of the "just fees" of tho
trial and on condition she should leave
the stale.
Catherine Harrison left the state luid
went to Westchester, N. Y., but her
reputation preceding her tho inhabit
mils complained to tho governor. For
some time she wns placed under bonds
for good behavior. Sho was afterward
released. Hartford Tiiuos.
An Krcentrlc Character.
It was at night, when the lower part
of Broadway was as silent as a village
street A lono cab was orawling along,
its driver comfortably hunched forward
smoking a cigar. Suddenly there was a
crash, the sharp rattlo of brokon glass
on tho pavement, and a leg protruded
through one of the oab windows. The
few pedestrians nod one policeman who
heard and saw wore startled, aud the
observing Suuinau had dismal forebod
ings of having to go back to the office
and write a story about a mystery or
possibly the tragedy of a Broadway oab.
But the tlriver remained comfortably
bunched, did not miss a puff of bis ci
gar, and the horse jogged on until the
policeman motioned to the driver to stop.
"What's all this?" he asked.
"It's all right," answered tho driver.
"But let's have a look," said the offi
cer. Ho peered into the cab, which con
tained but ouo person, a man, who, ob
serving tho officer, remarked in any
thing but tragic, in fact, in the friend
liest of tones:
" 'F'ser, le't all have 'uozzer. "
"Drive on," said the pollcomau anil
added, "But I don't want any more of
this cab window smashing ou Broad
way. "
"Ho can't smash any more," the
driver said, gathering up his reins. "Ho
smashed tho left door glass at Dunne,
the trout glass at Howard and the right
door glass hero at Grand. He's all
right. He does this about once a mouth. "
"G'ni', M'ser,' said the fara
"Good uiht, sir, "replied the offi
cer. New York Sun.
On UU Knee Mayhap.
They sat at opposite ends of the sofa,
"Be mine," he pleaded.
"I am not iu a position to entertain
such a proposal, " she answered coldly.
He was not of the sort of man to re
qnire the impact of a tabernacle falling
on hi head ere be would tumble, and
be shortly effected a rearrangement of
positions mutually satisfactory, and of
a uature to facilitate the matter in
band. Detroit Tribune.
Jim ThU One.
Corporal Pi ton applies for leave of
abseuoa
"On what grounds?" inquired the
colonel.
"I have jnst lost my mother, oolonel. "
"All right, sacrenotndunchienl Leave
granted, but see this doesn't happen
again 1' ' Charivari.
Information For a Tourist. f
"Is it still the custom in this country
to reach for your gun to back it up aft
er yon have called a man a liar?" asked
a tourist
"It air not, stranger, " replied the
early settler, "and it never wuz. It bos
oilers ben the custom in tho best society
of Yallor Dog to reach for the gun fust "
Indianapolis Journal.
The camel's foot is a soft cushion pe
culiarly woll adnptod to the stones and
gravel over which it is constantly walk
ing. During a single journey through
the Sahara horses have worn out three
sets of shoes, while the camel's feet are
not even soro.
Newark, N. J., was first oalled Mil
ford, from the name of a town in Con
necticut Its name was changed at the
suggestion of the Rev. Abraham Pier
son, an early minister iu the town, who
bad beeu ordaiued at Newark, in England.
HOW HE PROPOSED.
Bad Thing All Arranged, lint Had to As
cent a Compromise.
John Dnross is n young nnd enterpris
ing commission mnu of Pittsburg. No
one over accused him of being eccentric
tyitil recently. John Is a popular fellow
with tho gentler sex, but until n few
weeks ngo had withstood till their blan
dishment. Finally, however, bn no
knowledge)! himself whipped and pro
posed. This is the wny he did it.
He bought n house nod lot ouo morn
ing, and in tho afternoon took tho fu
ture Mr. Duress for a drlvo
"I'vo concluded we'll get married,"
be said as the smokestacks of tho smok
iest city ou earth grow faint and far
away
"Well," responded the young lady,
with a gasp, "I presumo you will ac
cord mo tho privilego of something to
say about such nn important matter, es.
peclnlly sineo I have been selected for
tho victim," nnd she began to frown
and pout.
"Yon must and shnll sny ' Yos. Now,
listen. I've got the cngo, nnd wo will
go down town together tomorrow nnd
get the roosts nnd tubs and things that
belong to cages."
"Why, Mr. Duress I Renlly, you ns
tonnd mo with your npsurauco. Plenso
take me homo. ' '
Instead, John whipped up nnd drovo
further away from tho stacks.
"After we get the mansion fixed np
I will go mid get a license, wo'll got
spliced, nnd ns I bnvo to go to Florida
next week for a trainlond of orangos
you can call it your wedding trip."
The poor girl was paralyzed, but
managed to protest.
"No use, Meliss, I havo planned it ill)
out, nnd it will bo that way."
"But, Jack, 1 hnvo no clothes for
such an occasion, and beside I've got
some goodby to say. I shall want nt
least six months for preliminaries."
"Clothes be hanged I" exclaimed Jack
as he urged his horso to travel faster.
"I hnvo only four suits of clothes, and
you have a dozen dresses at least I'm
sure you have, " for Jack didn't know
whether she had two gowns or two
dozen. He simply mude a guess.
And io, after a great deal of arguing,
a compromise on four weeks' time was
effoctod.
That eveuing Duross rotated tho cir
cumstances to a boon companion and
wound up by saying:
"I'll tell you what it is, Bill, women
are the most perverse orentures in tho
world. To think of that girl wanting
six months' time for suoh a blowout!
Why, a week was long enough, and 1
don't understand why Meliss should
kick for more time. But 1 won tho day.
Still I had to postpone my Florida trip,
and I'll bet a (!) cuspidor that oranges
will bn out of sight whon I got there.
But Meliss is worth a thousand train
loads of fruit, and I expect wo had bet
ter have another cold bottle, "Chicago
Mall.
Women and Hanks.
Said a bank cashier of this city:
"Some few days ago a woman came in
with a check for f 500 made payablo to
her. I didn't know her nnd refused to
cash it without tho identification of the
maker signifying that the indorsement
was O. K. Sho didn't understand what
I meant, but seemed to think I was re
fusing for pure cusseduess.
" 'But, madam, it is against tho bank
rules to givo nny money to peoplo wo
don't know,' I explained. 'I don't know
you. Any ono might llnd a check on the
street and bring it in here to be cashed. '
"She regnrdetl this as a reflection ou
ber honesty. 'What's that you say,
young mnu?' slinking hor parasol at mo.
Aud for onue I blessed my cage, which
protocted me from ber indignation. 'I
might havo found the check on the
street, you young whipper snapper yout
What do you take me for? I'd havo yon .
know that I'm an honest woman and
not going around picking up chocks. '
" 'I believe it, madam,' I said, try
ing to appease ber; but, all the same, I
can't give yon the money without t;.a
maker identifying your indorsement ' '
"In great dudgeon sho weut out and
returned in half an hour with the prop
er indorsement Viciously thrusting the
check in the window, she said, 'Now,
young man, refuse to give me thut mon
ey if yon dare I'
"As I huutled her oat $500 in bills
she remarked sotto voce: 'Picked it up
in the street, did I? Umph!' " Phila.
delphia Press.
A Disagreeable Test.
It baa been asserted that when a rail
road express traiu stops very suddenly
the passengers suffer in the same degree'
as though they bud fallen from a third
story window. Tho Pittsburg Dispatch
is authority for this statement - As the
majority of persons who have fallen
from third story windows have been,
killed, it is impossible to secure their
testimony on the subject and quickly
stopped traiu passenger refuse to mako
the test. Exchange.
Poetlo License,
Mr. Goro of Louisville was reading
"The Ancient Mariner" to her husband,
aud had reached the liue
Wutor, water everywhere, nor any drou to
drlnkl
Hero the colonel interrupted her with
the remark;
"What reckless poetlo license I Why
should they want to driuk water?"
Pittsburv Chroniolq
i ne Big bandy, iu Kentucky, tooi
English name from its saud bars. The
Indians called it the Chutteroi, mean
intr "the aandv river "