VAGM 0 TIIB CITIZEN, FIHDAY, FICHltUAItY 2, 1012. The Scrap Book Won by More Than a Hair. Curtis Guild, former jjovoruor of Mas sachusetts, uns once n.sked for the fun niest story he ever heard. This la the Mory he told: "An Irishman nnd a Jew were UIbcussIiik tlie groat men vrho had belonged to each rnce nnd. na may bo expected, got Into a heated ar gument. Finally the Irishman said: 'Ikey. listen For Ivory Krcnt Jew ye con name ye may pull out one of me whiskers, an for Ivory great Irishman I enn name I'll pull one of yours. In It n go?' Ikey consented, nnd Pat reached over, got hold of a whisker, aid 'ltobcrt Emmet' nnd pulled. 'Hoses!' said Ikey and pulled one of Pat's tendercst. 'Dan O'Connell.' snld Pat nnd took another. 'Abraham.' said Ikey, helping himself again. 'Patrick Henry. returned Pnt with n yIcIous yank. 'The twelve apostles,' said Ikey. taking a handful of whiskers. Pat emitted a roar of pain, grasped Ikey's beard with both hands nnd yelled. Tho Ancient Order of Hibernians!' " Two Ways. TVouldst thou bo wretchod? 'Tfs an easy way. I Think but of self, and self alone, nil day I Think of thy pain, thy Brief, thy loss, ihy j care. All thou hast to do or feel or bear. Think of thy cood, thy pleasuro or thy sain. Think only of thyself. 'Twill not be vain. WouMst thou be happy? Tako an easy way. Think of thosa round thee llvo for them all day. Think of their pain, their loss, their Brief, their care, All that they have to do or feel or bear. Think of their pleasure, of their good, their naln. Think of those round thee. It will not bo vain. Can't Beat the Lawyers. On the occasion of a football match In England between a number of mili tary officers and n team of lawyers the former had prepared n splendid lunch for the visitors before the game. Both teams did thorough justice to the lunch, nnd, the legal gentlemen going In strong for champagne and cigars, the officers anticipated an easy vic tory. On looking toward tho football ground, however, after lunch the offi cers espied a remarkably fresh looking lot of giants kicking the ball about and in amazement asked the guests who the strangers were. "Oh," replied uc of them, finishing his last glass of champagne, "those are our playing team. Wo are only tho lunching team, jou know." Wanted a Consultation. So supremo was the leadership of Senator Aldrlch over a host of political followers and personal friends that many a vote was cast this way or that or the other for the sole reason that "Nels says so." Some one was recall ing this fact In the senate lobby when another of the little group remarked: "That's the exact truth. I speak from personnl feeling. I trusted Al drieu's Judgment impllclty, and I don't know that It ever led mo wrong." Then, as he contemplatively flicked the ashes off his cigar, be went on: "Did I ever tell you about a funny dream I had? I thought 1 was dead, and St j Peter was putting tho usual questions at me before adding my name to bis keavenly census. At last ho figured j ut I was O. K. and told me to go j ahead In, but I hesitated. 'Why, what's wrong?' says be. 'Most folks are in a hurry when I give 'em tho word.' Well. says I, 'I dare say it's nil right, but I do wish I could Slave a couple of words with Aldrlch beforo taking so important a step.' " Los Angeles Times. A Brilliant Retort. After dinner speaking Is an art, and, like many other arts, its excelienco hns much to do with the mood of the artist. Somo of the best of our after dinner speakers sometimes full, but it I.i not often that fullure results In the enrichment of the world's store of epi gram, us It did in the case of Lord Ersklne many years ago. When Lord Ersklne was made a member of that highly honorable body, the Fishmongers' Company of London, ho made an after dinner speech on the occasion of his first appearance among them as a member. Upon his return be Bald to a friend: "I spoke HI today and stammered and hesitated In the opening." "You certainly floundered." was the reply, "but I thuuglit you did so in compliment to the fishmongers." Just Like the Navy. j At Fort Monroe some time ngo, i where one of the vessels of tho navy ; was temporarily uwultlng orders, a delegation of army officers stationed , at the fort came aboard. There is a ! tct uavul regulation that nothing can be so on board ship until the com- 1 maudlng officer orders it. While the rmy party were looking over the ship l'J o'clock arrived. A Junlur officer ap proached the captain and said, with a salute. "It is 12 o'clock, sir." "Make It o," responded tho captain, nnd eight bells were struck. Tho urmy officers suspected that the navy men wanted them to ask some questions and get sold or that tills wus a bit of foolery got up to joke the land warriors. Some time uftcr n party of the, army officers Invited tb officers of the warship to dine with them. The dinner was pro gressing when n lieutenant entered and. saluting the senior officer present, said gravely. "Colonel, the mnjor's blind horse is dead." "Make It so." re sponded the colonel, with tho greatest gravl'y. and tin illnnei proceeded. Nothing was snld at the time, but tho navy officers tell the story. HOW TO CARE FOR BOOKS. They Should Be Protected From Gat, Heat and Light. It is surprising how few of the mnnj owners of books an aware of the situ plo mentis required to preserve them in n useful condition and what nstoti ishmcnt Is felt when :i book removed from the shelf leaves one side behind or dangling by the hlugn. Heat, gas, light and, by no means least, olectrlclty nre the chief disin tegrating influences upon leather bind ings. Hooks bound previous to 1S.KI hnvo the ndvautnge over more modern ones, as most If not all of the tnuncrs 1 of that earlier time used tnubark. 1 Since that date the use of sulphuric nnd oxnllc adds hns been almost mil j versal, and so insidious are their ef I fects that they can hardly bo realized I until the dnmnge Is done. Old books brought from other coun I tries nre np to succumb very quickly , to the oltcred climatic conditions. Lack of moisture In the nlr, together with our modern system of heating, us well as gaslight, "central" heat and electricity, hns n very injurious ef fect upon them in a few years. The use of lubricant or food Is almost cssentl.il to offset this. A large Im porter has expressed a wish that every imported book of value might be so treated at once to fortify It In its new environment. Even under the most favorable conditions the need of some such treatment Is becoming recognized, for the Vatican nnd other noted libra ries ure being treated to prevent dry rot, tho leather's greatest enemy. Years of drying out of the natural oil hi the skin nnd tho total nbsorptlon of such oil where the tunning Is done with acids have brought tho conviction that some means must bo resorted to by which the llfo of tho leather can be re stored. Very few think of placing leather bound books on tho lower shelves to avoiil the greater bent nbove: of pre venting sunlight from striking them, for. like electricity. It burns nnd fades the leather if concentrated upon It for nny length of time; of giving them light nnd nir, with plenty of circula tion. Bindings suffer far more from being shut behind glass doors than from the accumulation of dust or even from careless handling by Ignorant servnnts. The dusting of books is something which should be trusted to careful or expert hands only, for the hinges can easily be broken by 'drop ping or the corners knocked off, par ticularly if the leather be dry. The vacuum cleaner, of course, does away with such disasters in tho electrically equipped house. Overcrowding the shelves is another cause of damage. It not only rubs the sides, but prevents the proper circula tion of air. How to Open Lobster. It is not difficult to open a lobster. First separate the tall from the main part of the lobster and shake out the tomalley The tomnlley, or liver. Is green after boiling and is liked by somo. Next draw the body from the shell, freeing vlt from the stomach, which Is situated near the head, by pressing tho meat near the bead cloe against the shell with the first and second fin gers. Now split the lobster through the center and take out the meat. Cut the underside of the tall shell open with a sharp knife or scissors and remove the meat in one of two large pieces. On taking out this meat look on the upper part near where the tall Joined the body proper and lift up the small piece of flesh. Under will be found a vein running tho entire length. He move this. Often this vein or cord Is the same color ns the meat Itself. Again It may be green, in any case, it should not be eaten. Like the stom ach. It Is not edible. The easiest way to remove the meat from the claws Is to crack the shell with the brnnd side of a hammer. This does not crush tho moaL Philadelphia Tel egraph. How to Hang Curtains. The mistake is too often made of hanging white curtains the full width of the window and from the top to the floor, says Suburban Life for Decem ber. This treatment Is unsuitable ex cept In very dainty or elaborate rooms. The mass of white is usually distract ing and destroys the harmony of the room. Perhaps the most effective treatment Is to let the curtains hang straight at the sides of the window, covering the woodwork, nnd have a plaited valance across the top. Cur tains made In this wny keep out very little light nnd give a pretty, broad ef fect to n window. The curtains may either hang to the floor or stop at tho sill. If the curtains are dark nnd long, straight lines seem called for they should reach to the floor, but when In doubt stop at the sill. How to Wash Cotton Goods. Cotton blankets ure washed differ ently from those made of wool. Soap them well with laundry soap, fold and allow them to sunk In tepid water. Wash them In un hour or so nnd place In a holler of hot suds to steam, nut boll. Itlnse In several waters. Use it very little bluing and dry them double on the line. Press dry on the wrong side. Quite the contrary Is the proe-l ess of washing wwlen. for hot water ennnot be used on them. Dainty! quilts, liable to fade, should first be soaked In a tub of cold water contain ing a half cupful of turpeutlu to set the color. How to Check Flow of Blood. , In cnBP of nn niTldont. when tho flnwj of hlnod from n wound r-nn't In Htop-1 pod. nn iipplli'ittlon of Pipinl pitrtw of flour nnd siiunr mixed well will t'fTcc , tuully flii'd; t tit flow until the arrival of u physician. Saved by a f.ojol "Tho wolves were Us." he re lated t the girl he was trjlng to 1;. press. "Tholr liowlliv: po'ietrnted r cur very marrow. Vie lle! for our lives. Hut each second we knew t hut tho ravenous pack win gaining on tin. Closer, closer -at 1111 I hey were so close that o could feel their muzzle gainst our loss, so that" "Ah," sl.xhed the lady, greatly u llercd, "how glnd ymi must have been that they had their muzzles on!" Chi cago Post. The Danger Signal. With lowered lids my Mary's eyes Work lisroo In my timid heart. In vain my harried spirit tries To turn aside that fatal dart. I know the weakness of my will And yot bewitched must stay until I make of all a full surrender, As not for worlds would I offend hor. I do not mind her open gazo. For that Is clear of all deceit. Whoe'er is skilled in woman's waya Knows hen thoy'ro seekliiR means to cheat. It's whe-i she keeps her eyes half closed As If she slept a bit or dozed That I havo found much causo to fear. For then I know my fall Is near. Collector. A Warning. "Dr. Spillet nnd I were out together today, and ho nsked me to have a drink on him." "Never accept that from a doctor, man." "Why not V "Because don't you know that when n doctor treats you ho always sends you tho bill?" Baltimore American. Monotonous. Game old winter, samo old fall, Bame old worry through It nil. Same old snow, same old walk, Same old line of slushy talk. Same old furnace, samo old coal. Same old Tom and Jerry bowl. Same old cold, same old wheeze. Bame old case of cough and sneeze. Same old cure, rame old ryo, Bame old bottle on the sly. Same old story, same old tale. Same old lino of zero wall. Spokane Spokesman-Review. Thick. Towne Yes, I met Brltton in Lon don nnd shook hands with him. Browne Why, you Just told mo you never saw him before. Towne I didn't seo him. I was in troduced to him in a fog. Catholic Standard and Times. Content. Feller's doln' well Doln' mighty well When he's got an appetite an' lota o' corn to sell. Ills soul he can deliver. No weather'll mate him shiver. When he has a cotton field to Rive him lots o' kivver. Only this to tell: He's doln" mighty well With com to make the hoecake an' cotton for to sell. Atlanta Constitution. His Relatives. Chief No Shirt of Oregon has appeal ed to the authorities on the grounda that he is frleudless. Chief No Shirt overlooks his largo and growing fam ily of cousins the One Shirt family who are willing to tender assistance. Buffalo News. The Difference. The genius merely does what you Had done could you have found the way. Although hln method may be new. The need has been since Adam's day. The marvel that excites the Klnc May set the pauper wonderlne. The poet merely says the thine That you have thought but could not sar. Chicago Record-Herald. A Comeback. "I Intended to give Wombat a little friendly advice this morning." "And why didn't you?" "Why, he started to tell' mo how to run my affairs, and that's something I tolerate from no man." Kansas City Journal. Outclassed. The teacher sighed, "I would that I In discipline might e'er app 'each The fond obedience rendered I.y My pupils to the football coach!" Wahlngton Star Good Old Days! ' There are two articles which once bulked large In a small boy's llfo that he never comes In contact with any more, since slates are now only placed on roofs instead of shingles. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Gloomy Then. Little songs of gladness Aro not worth a pin When the bill collector Calls and finds you in. Detroit Free Press. Broke? First Omaha Man (In surprise) What! Back already? Why. I thought you were going to see Europe? Second Omaha Man (cheerfully) So did I. but It seems that New York saw me first. Puck. Idiosyncrasy. The dealer when he stands upon the scales to weigh his hny Is doing nothlnR wrong, of courne. It's just his little weigh. Dallas News No Doubt About It. Vt'c nre told Unit most of the verses In n recent book of poems were writ ten Immediately nfter the ntithor's thirty dny fast. Thirty dny fast! He flit rely mint he a poet! Cleveland Plain Dealer. First Love. Dut Margaret llUncton I'rohman Bowes Wearied, It poems, nf repairing hose, And now she Is back In the world of shows, Maruuret IlllnKton Frolnnan nowes. -New York Mall. "And w hen did yon spend jour two. wecksV" "Sitting In hnlel tinner's chnlr. The barber was persuasive nnd I let him give mo bis entlro list," I'lttshur; Post. Lives of Trent men nil remind in That thoy had no flowery bed. With bouquets they weren't bombarded Until after thsy were dead. Now York Commercial Ailrartliier. Sho (with newspaper) Another cy clone out west. It hns swept dozens of farms clear of everything. He I'll bet the mortgages dldn'l budge an Inch. -Boston Transcript Tho night has a thousand ares And tho May but one. Which perhapi is the rition nlclit Sees ho much fun -Life A countryman who had been hen pecked all his life was nbout to die. His wife felt It her duty to offer hint such consolation ns she might nnd ! l1 "Tnli.t fnii nw t.j.tit l. . I. miii, ..nil. .... ...c a.iwut in fct;, iiui I will follow you." . "I suppose so, Mnndy," said the old mnn meekly, "but so far as I am concerned you don't need to bo In nny hurry about lt"-Burralo Enquirer. When you embrace a dims) star If seems a sin To B',t all lacerated by A pesky pin. Loulsvlllo Courler-Jewi-mal. Oholly The dentist snld I had a large cavity that needed filling. Mabel Did ho recommend nny apo dal course of study? Toledo Blade. A hero brave, a maiden fair. A villain schooled to sraceful ease. A fight, a rescue planned with care The novel's done. One dollar, please. Washington Star. "That last time I saw your husband he was trying to stop smoking. Hal ho btopped?" "1 don't know. You know that h Is dead." Philadelphia Times. Oh, dazzling chrysanthemum. You aro an autumn dream! In pink and whlto and gold you com Through nature's endless scheme. And when I have to skip my lunch, A noonday sacrifice, It Is to you 1 gladly turn. Of posies fresh and nice. It Is to you I gladly turn. So scintillating fair, For roses cost more than I earn. And violets aro rare. They'd put my Income on the bum. So you. oh. you. chrysanthemum! Chicago News. "Did tho automobile run over your foot?" "No." answered tho man who had yelled, "but I thought It was going to strlka my corn." Buffalo Express. Mary had a little limb. And for that very reason She never ventured In tho swim Throughout the bathing season. New York Commercial Advertiser. Tho sphinx propounded a riddle "now ran the other man with your Income afford nn auto?" sho asked. Herewith she felt sho had them graveled. New York Sun. The farmer surely ought to view This life as something of a hit BInce everything the statesmen do They vow Is for his benefit. -Washington Star. Blobb3 Scribbler's poetry strikes vat as being rather clumsy. Slobbs-Clurasy? Why, it positively trips over Its own feet Philadelphia Record. It seems the automobile cranks have very deeply sinned. Think of their wasting gasoline when thoj can burn the windl -Dallas News Firearms In Sia.-n. Magazine rifles and automatic pis tols may not bo imported Into Slam unless they are for the personal use of some European dwelling lu the country. When he leaves the country he is required by the government to account for tho weapon. . Police In Ireland. Police in Ireland nre urmed with rifle, sword and pistol. Numbered Guests. Guests at some of the health resorts In Europe nre "numbered" when they nrrive and register at a hotel or "pen slon." This is done bo that at the end of the season the authorities may know for advertising piiriwsos Just how many guests have beeu entertained II 0 mm 3 r The Ideal of the estates rjf your minor chil dren. It has the very best faciities for the profitable and wise invest mentardre investment of the princi mi pal and accrued mcome The Trial Course, "I'm afraid you may think wo nro giving you a lot of fish tills week, old mnn," said the genial host as they sat down to dinner. "Tho fact Is, ray wlfo has got hold of what sounds like a really capital duvlce for removing a fishbone stuck In tho throat, nnd we want to sec if It works." Tit Bits. From One Who Was There. Lonesome Is that ancient play "Hamlet" with the Dane away. Lonesome, too, the nation's cause Minus Donlln and McQraws. flut the loneliest thing on earth Grab It from this plinth of mirth Is a straight without a Jack Or the pink that spoils "all black." "I will follow you to the ends of the earth," he exclaimed. "But." she replied, "I ntn ouly going ns far as tho next soda "Water foun tain." Whereupon he took the hint nnd led the way. Milwaukee Sentinel. The babbling brook and the shady nook Are things of the long ngo. If we'd now look at them, gadzook. We go to the plcturo show! Judge. W. C. SPRY BKACIHiAKE. AUCTIONEER HOLDS BALES ANYWHEKE IN STATE. I Piles S Files! Piles! uuums inuian i-iio Ointment will euro Blind, Bleeding and Itching Piles. It ab sorbs tho tumors, allays itching at once, acts as a poultice, gives instant relief. Williams' Indian Pile Ointment is pre pared for Piles and Itching of the prlvato pirts. Druggists, mall DOfi and $1 CO. WILLIAMS MFG. CO Props., Cleveland, Ohio mn SALE BT O. C- JAIIWIN. . RHEUMATISM r Dr. Whitehall's " For 15 years a Standard Remedy for all forms of Rheumatism, lumbago, font, tors muscles, stiff or swollen joints. It quickly relieves the severe paltMl reduces the fever, and eliminates the person Uon the system. 60 cents a Vox at drujgiita. VMto for a Free trial Box Dr. Whitehall Mogrlmine Co. 100 M. Lalayetto St. Mouth Bend, Ind. MARTIN CAUFIELD Designer and Man ufacturer of ARTISTIC MEMORIALS Office and Works 1036 MAIN ST. HONESDALE, PA. S TrtAOE Marks Designs Copyrights 4 c. AitTonet enrtliif ikttrh mid dticrlntlnn mar qnteklr aicortiilu our oiihtini free whether a llivanllnn ! proliahlr P'tUnlAhln. ConinMllllra tlcmntrlctlrroiiildBiitl.il, HANDBOOK on I'ateiiU tent frea. oltleit aaancf tor leeuriuir patents. rmeuta taken tbroucli Mutin A Co. receive iprclal notice, wllhout cliargo, lu tho Scientific HttiericntK A hfindiomclf HlntrMvi wrehlr. Ijtrcest cir cuital. on of irnr f'lentiUc Imiriml. Ternii, f .1 a jffir: four nioiitlji. U buM byall newdenler. MUHN & Co.3eiBro-d'. New York Uraucb ORIca. tiZi F 8U Waihlnnlon, ). C. KRAFT & CONGER HONESDALE , PA. Represent Reliable Hnmnanies ONLY Guardian -The Scranton Trust Co. RIO Spruro Street. itfeAMi OVER 00 YEARS' MHEXPERIENCE ritOFEBSIONATi CARDS. Attoraeys-at'Law. XT WILSON, XL. ATTORNEY A COUNBF.I.OIt-AT-LAW. onl)cf,e.C?tone"Sne.Ile.,i,.a1:0'1 fflC9 ln Ulm"ck WM. II. LEE, M ATTORNEY A COUNHELOIt-AT-I.AW. umce over post onice. All eeal business promptly attended to. Honesdale, ,I?3',lef" Tjl C. MUMFOUI), JJi. ATTORNEY 4 COUNBULOR-AT-LAW, ..y.lnffli:"?,'" 'l?1.1 tlliailic. opposltothe Post Ofllce, Honesdale. l'a. TrOMER GKEENE. ' J-L ATTORNEY i COUNSELOR. AT-T.AW. umca over rosioince, Honesdale ra. f 1HAKLES A. McCAKTY. J ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-IT-LAW. Special and prompt attention irlven to the Honesdale. l'a, ME. SIMONS, . ATTORNEY COUHSILOR-AT-LAW Ollica in.tha Court House, Honesdale l'a. PETEK II. ILOtF, ATTORNEY A COUN8SLOR-1T-I.A w Office Second floor old yirln. nnt uuimiuc. ijoiieiuaie. l'a. QEAHLE 4 SALMON, O ATTORNEYS A COUNSELORS-AT-LAW Ofllces litelr occupied by Judce Searle fUlESTEIl A. GAHKATT, J ATTORNEY A COIT.VSELOR-AT-LAW OOlce adjacent to Post Office, Honesdale. Dentists. DR. E. T. BROWN, DKNTIST. Office First floor, old Savings Bank build inc. Honesdale. l'a. R. C. R. BRADY, DENTIST, IIONE8DALH, PA. 1011 MAIN ST. Citizens' Phone. Physicians. PB. PETERSON, M. D. . 1126 MAIN STREET. IIO.VRSDAI.H. PA. Kye and Ear a specialty. The flttlnc of glass- Livery. LIVKRY.rred. U. Rickard has re moved his livery establishment from corner Church street to Whitney'a Stone uarn ALL CALLS PROMPTLY ATTENDED TO. j FIRST CLASS OUTFITS. 76yl i MMtffMHTtMMMtMtt SPENCER The Jeweler would like to see you If t f you are in the market t for JEWELRY, SILVER- I WARE, WATCHES, CLOCKS, DIAMONDS, AND NOVELTIES i 'Guaranteed articled only sold mntmuiiiiiimmwwitiiiiiiittttimnno WHEN THERE IS ILLNESS in your family you of course call a reliable physician. Don't stop at that; have his preicriptions put up at a reliable pharmacy, even if it is a little farther from your home than some other store. You can find no more reliable utore than ours. It would be im possible for more care to be taken in the selection of drugs, etc , or in the compounding. Proserin tiona brought here, either night or day, will be promptly and accurately compounded by a competent registered pharmncist and the prices will be most rea sonable O. T. CHAMBERS, PHARMACIST, Opp. D. A II. Station Ho.nksdale. Pa. umtmtmnittu:n:::::t;t;t;:m::;ntn:::in A. O. BLAKE AUCTIONEER & TATTLE DEALER YOU WILL MAKE MONEY BY HAVIISG ME Bell Phone 9-U BETHANY, PA. HOTEL Q BROADWAY and 11th ST. HEW YORK CITY V ithin eaiy acceia of every point of in- . . tan utocK irom wanajnaaera. nXy""""' walk of Shopping Oiatrict, O -u,n.,onDla appointment, courteous .v,.,uMU iiomauc lumninamiii Rooms 51.00 per day and u;i wtin privilege, ol Bain 31.50 per dny and up EUROPEAN PLAN TabU d'Hoia Breakfast . 000 - WM.TAYLOR A SON, Ino. i
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers