THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, JULY 21, 1000. The Scrap Book Ths Milting Ones. This is one of the old stories told by Henry Clews of Travers, the New Jork stammering wit. Mr. Clews nl ways insists that the average Wall street broker is the most honest of men. Travers," said Mr. Clews, "was once Invited to be a guest at a yacht regat ta. The waters of Newport harbor were covered with a beautiful squad ron. Mr. Travcrs found that each yacht belonged to a banker or broker. He gazed blankly into the distance for a time and then inquired softly, W-w-w-where are the c-c-customers' yachts?'" Drifting Souls. Ah, there bo souls none understand. Like clouds, they cannot touch the land, Drive as they may, by field or town. Then we look wise at this and frown, And we cry, "Fool!" and cry, "Take hold Of earth and fashion sods of gold!" Unanchored ships, they blow and blow, Sail to and fro and then go down In unknown seas that none shall know Without one ripple of renown. Poor, drifting dreamers, sailing by, They seem to only live and die. Call these not fools I The test of worth Is not the hold they have on earth. Lo, there be gentlest souls sea blown That know not any harbor known, And oft of this the reason Is They touch on fairer shores than this. I Joaquin Miller. Woman's Keen Seme pf Humor. A lady who was at the head of u suffrage organization attended a social function during the course of which there was presented to her a gentle man who seemed disposed to poke fun at the principles so dear to the lady and her following. "All this goes to show, my dear young lady," said he, "how utterly you women lack a sense of humor." "I perceive you share the general er ror in that respect," said the suffra gette. "That women lack humor? Yes." "Really, sir, you're most unobserv ant," continued the suffragette. "Thero is In every married woman's life at least one occasion when she evince the keenest sense of humor." "You astonish me!" exclaimed thi mau. "May I ask you to particular ize?" "Certainly. Does she not get by the 'love, honor and obey' part of the mar riage ceremony without so much as a enickcr?" I I The Party He Belongs To. I A matron of the most determined character was encountered by a young woman reporter wno was sent out to interview leading citizens as to their politics. "May I see Mr. ?" she asked of a stern looking woman who opened the door at one house. "No, you can't," answered the ma tron decisively. "But I want to know what party ho belongs to," pleaded the girl. The woman drew up her tall figure. "Well, take a good look at me," she said; "I'm the party ho belongs to!" All the Trimmings. Mrs. Brojvn was young and pretty and Innocent of household wisdom. She was also married but a month and Just settled in her little villa outside Loudon. A friend had sent her a pres ent of a brace of pheasants, and as she expected company the following even ing she told the servant to keep the birds till the morrow and then cook them for dinner. Early the next morning the girl came to her mistress and said, "Please, mum, do you like the birds 'Igh?" "Like the bird's eye, Mary?" said Mrs. Brown. "Why, whatever do you mean?" "Well, mum," said Mary, "some folks, you know, likes the birds stale." "Oh, they like the bird's tall?" said the mistress. "Why, of course, cer tainly, Mary. Bring in both the eye and the tall." A Surprise For Jim. A mission worker In New Orleaus was visiting a reformatory near that city when she observed among the Inmates an old acquaintance, a negro lad long thought to bo a model of in tegrity. "Jim!" exclaimed the mission work er. "Is it possible I find you hero?" "Yassum," blithely responded the backslider. "I's charged with steallu' a barrel o' sweet pertatcrs." Tho visitor sighed. "You, Jim!" she repeated. "I am surprised!" "Yassum," said Jim. "So was I or I wouldn't be here!" Llppincott's. ' Good Deeds. Remember that if tho opportunities for great deeds should never come, tho opportunity for good deeds Is renewed day by day. The thing for us to long tor is the goodness, not the glory. iF. W. Faber. i Game He Didn't Like. Years ago a bill entitled "An act for the preservation of the heath hen and other game" was introduced into the New York house of assembly. Tho speaker of the house, who was not especially interested in matters of this kind, gravely read it, "An act for tho preservation of tho heathen and other game." He was blissfully unconscious of his blunder until an honest member from the northern part of the state who had suffered from tho depredations of the frontier Indians rose to hla feet "I should llko to movo an amend sent to the bill," be said mildly, "by addlnir the words, 'ezceDt Indians.' " CHOICE MISCELLANY The Daylight Saving Movement Tho movement in Great Britain to secure a "daylight saving" law ap pears to bo making headway, though it may still be far from enactment. The question of a uniform tlmo standard is worth considering in connection with tho efforts to conserve tho natu ral resources of tho United States and to lmprovo its industrial affairs. A great advance was made when stand ard time was changed at the ninetieth, ono hundred and fifth and one hundred and twentieth meridians by exactly one hour when going from New York to San Francisco. This was done to benefit railroads and has proved to be a great blessing. But if present east ern time (that of the seventy-fifth meridian) were adopted as a uniform standard for the whole country uni formity in regard to the clock time would prevail in every part of the United States. The benefits of a single time stand ard to the bulk of the American peo ple using it that portion which now keeps central and mountain time would be enormous. At least CO, 000,000 people would thus save tho use of artificial light ono hour every day in tho year. This saving would bo 1 cent a day, or a total of $000,000 dally for all the people, and in ono year this saving would amount to 305 times that sum, or $219,000,000, more than enough to maintain a navy of forty-eight bat tleships with the accessories of three fleets, including their bases and naval coast defenders. Commodore Beehler in Century. Capricious Prince Troubetsky. Tho story of tho erection of tho equestrian statue to Alexander III., which the czar unveiled on Juno 5, is an amusing one. The monument took seven years to erect, and the sculptor, Princo Troubetsky, who is as capri cious as a lady, had a special glass studio, costing 3,700, erected for him by tho imperial cabinet, with supple mentary chimneys costing 1,300. Tho wax and mastic cost 2,000, the casting of tho bronze figures ran into several thousands more, and tho sum destined to be paid to the sculptor was 10,000. Tho artist changed model aft er model until tho committee lost all patience. Then tho question of a pedestal arose. Finally Frluce Trou betsky was commissioned to visit Fin land and select a suitable granite block. After several journeys to tho Interior of Finland tho sculptor chose two enormous cliffs, which, taken to gether, were to form tho pedestal, but experts declared them to bo weath er worn, crumbling and unfitted for use and the cost of transport to be prohibitive. Then tho artist refused to execute tho pedestal. A subcom mittee was appointed, and finally Trlnco Troubetsky was persuaded to sketch a design for it, but changed it three times. It consists of four solid granite blocks. Westminster Gazette. Paris Has a New Beau Brummel. M. Germain, tho son of the eminent founder of the great bank, tho Credit Lyonnals, which employs 3,000 men, will go down to history not as a clever financier, but as a leader of fashion. It is said that ho believes he is de scended from Petronius, who set the fashions in the days of ancient Borne. This young man's claim to fashion able distinction is that he never enters a church without taking an opera glass with him and that ho ogles the ladies during divine services. He shows, however, more courage than judgment when ho enters the ranks against such historic leaders as Bar bey do Aurevilly, Count de Orsay and the old Prince dc Sagan. And among moderns M. Germain must not over look Le Bargy, so noted for his cra vats. He is, however, encouraged by tho fact that the claim of the old Princo de Sagan was founded merely upon white waistcoats and tho wide black strings of his eyeglasses. Paris Letter to New York American. The Business of Summer Amusement. Forty million dollars is Invested in tho business of making Americans think they are having a good time in summer, says Robert Sloss In the Van Norden Magazine. ' That means only summer amusements, such as are to bo found in Coney Island, Venice, Cal ifornia, tho various white cities and suburban resorts throughout the coun try. It is no longer a haphazard, happy-go-lucky avocation with mushroom characteristics, but a permanent, solid industry, with enterprise and initia tive as its watchword. It has its own association, although iu no sense a trust. It has Its own trade papers, every issuo of which records a score of patents for now devices. Most of these aro offered for salo to tho suc cessful managers, and most of them aro turned down either becauso tho idea is not new or is so elaborate that It would cost more to carry out than tould possibly be earned by it. Man's Hands and His Pockets. "Nowadays," said Judge Willis, "men will even stand talking to women With their hands in their pockets." The observation is wholly accurate, but if it is intended as an illustration of the impudenco of modern men we take leave to say there Is some mis take. Tho truth is that tho poor crea tures do not know what to do with their hands. The pocket pose expresses diffidence, not assurance is, in fact, a compliment The embarrassment of the man, leading him to feel all limbs and extremities, Is plainly n tribute to the dazzling qualities of the woman. London Teleorranh FORGOT ONE THING. Oversight of the. Man Who Tried to Maka Hens' Egg. A New Jersey man felt that bo had at last Invented a process for manu facturing eggs; He experimented until he discovered tho component parts of a natural egg the milk, fibrin, phos phorus and all the rest and hastened to secure them. Then he announced to the druggist whom ho patronized for his chemicals that all he need ed now to insure success was cold weather, when eggs would sell for 50 and GO cents a dozen. December saw the looked for period arrive, and the inventor's now copper kettle was set over the flame of the kitchen gas range. The mixture was placed in It, and the scientist proceeded to operate with a blowpipe. The fibrin, the phos phorus and the rest of tho chemicals stood it as long as they could and then expressed their feelings in a mighty explosion. The neighbors sought their cellars, while the glass in windows and doors fell in splinters. Discussing his failure with the drug gist and other friends, among them Congressman Gardner of New Jersey, the puzzled alchemist said for the tenth time: "Perhaps I forgot to include some essential in my formula." "Yes," said Mr. Gardner dryly, "you did forget something." "And do you know what It was?" eagerly queried the experimenter. "I certainly do," said the congress man. "Tell me tell mo what It is and for tune will be assured to us both." "A hen Just a common, ordinary hen," replied the congressman from Egg Harbor unfeelingly. National Magazine. He Went Back. At a ball In Edinburgh a well known and charming hostess, wishing to get a partner for one of her guests, asked a gentleman if she might introduce him to a young lady. "Oh, yes," he drawled affectedly. "Trot her out." This was overheard by the intended partner, who was remarkable for her native wit as well as her beauty. So when the youth was introduced to her she calmly surveyed him from head to foot and then quietly said: "Thank you. Now trot him back, please." On the Fly. Probably the windiest place In North America Is tho short stretch in Wash ington from tho F street car line to tho entrance to the senate wing of the capltoi. On a good blustery winter's day It is possible at almost any time to sec two or three people chaslug their hats across the street. The old timers have learned that it doesn't pay to chase your own hat. Somebody else will bo sure to run after it and bring it to you. Ono day Representative Murdock of Kansas rebuked a friend for starting to chase his own hat. "Never do it," he said. "Somebody will bring it to you." "Well, you ought to know," replied the other man. "Kansas is the wind iest place on the map." "Yes," replied Murdock, "it's so windy out there that when a man's hat blows off he never thinks of fol lowing it. He just sticks bis hand up In the air and catches another." The Inspiration of Purpose. The great thing In life Is not in real izlng a purpose, but in fighting for it. If wo feel the posslblltles of a great work looming up large before us and impelling us to action it is our duty to consecrate ourselves to it Failure In a great work is nobler than success in a petty one that is beneath our max imum of possibility. We have nothing to do with results; they do not belong to us anyway. It is our duty to do our best bravely and rest In the sweet comfort of this fact alone. Circle Magazine. The Cause of War. The fair young debutante was sur rounded by an admiring crowd of of ficers at the colonel's ball. Mamma was standing near by, smiling com placently at her daughter's social suc cess. Tho discussion was over the quarrel of the day before between two brother officers. "What was the casus belli?" asked the fair debutante. "Maud," exclaimed mamma in a shocked voice, "how often have I told you to say stomach?" Not What She Expected. A popular and clever English ac tress, who is also considered well above tho average in good looks, got a setback a short time ago. Arriving, as was her habit at the theater a consid erable time before the rise of the cur tain, sho chanced to meet the call boy, "Good evening, miss." "Good evening, Harry," she replied. "I'm early, am I not?" "Yes, miss," said the boy. "You see, Harry, it take3 a long time for me to make myself beauti ful." The boy looked at her for a moment, then answered gravely: "Yes, miss, I suppose It does." Tho Delirious Kind. An old woman went to tho under taker's to order a coffin for her de ceased husband. "Ho was very, very, very good to me," she Bold, "and I'll have a coffin of the best yellow pine." "Yes, madam. That'll bo $14," said tho undertaker. "And what kind of trimmings will yon have on tho cof fin ?" "Trimmln's!" cried the old woman, ."And right well jo knot?, ye spalpeen, that I'll have no Trlmmin's at all, when it was the trlmmin's that the poor lad died of. bad luck to 'em!" A FAITHFUL PORTER. Ho Tried to Follow Orders as Ho Un derstood Them. The major dropped Into his club In London one night with three pieces of courtplnster on his nose and an cyo in half mourning and was vainly impor tuned to divulge the cause. He de clined all confidences, but one friend, to whom, in a weak moment, he related the circumstances under which ho had received his scars, told all about it after the major's departure. It appears that ho was stopping at in out-of-town hotel where a brawny farmer's son had bean engaged with no experience in hotel work, but with a frame capable of caring for his mas ter's property during the small hours and with a profound sense of duty as well. The weather was cold, and the major asked the landlord to have a fire made in his room at 0:30 the next morning. As is customary, a slato was hung in the hallway containing directions for the night porter regard ing the time guests were to bevcalled to catch early trains, etc., so the land lord wrote upon the slate: "Fire 40 at 0:30." Next morning the major was awak ened by a lond knock at his door. He shouted "Come in," for it was 0:30, and tho porter entered. "You're to git out," ho said briefly. "What do you mean? asked tho major testily. "I'll show you phwhat I mane," re marked Pat, "If you don't git mighty quick. I've orders to Are you out at 0:30, and out ye go." "What kind of a fool are you any way?" shouted tho major, sitting up In bed. "I am all kinds," responded the por ter, "but I obey orders Just tho same, and out you go." Suiting the action to his words, he grabbed the major by the neck and hauled him out into the middle of the room. "Now driss yourself," said Pat, "and driss quick or Ol'll throw you out as ye are." The major began to storm and used language not to be repeated, where upon tho exasperated and honest por ter sprang upon his victim and shot him into the hall like a bundle of rags. The major's clothes, traveling bags, rugs, etc., followed. "Now," said Pat, "if ye don't driss in folve minutes out ye go in the strate as ye were born!" And out the major would have gone, but the landlord, disturbed by tho noise, came and rescued him from his formidable persecutor. And that was the result of Pot's Interpretation of "Fire 40 at 0:30." Be Cheerful. Always bo cheerful, because it pro motes tho health by exhilarating the physical functions, by stimulating the process of respiration, by oxygenizing tho blood, by improving nutrition and by causing tho mind to feel confident of success. Charge your mind with feelings of happiness, success, joy and cheer. Remember that the pathway of tho soul is not a steady ascent, but a hilly and broken one, and do not be come pessimistic, for tho pessimist poisons Ills very blood and darkens the horizon of the sun of Joy. Health Rec ord. Sympathy. In an emergency the manufacturer of LImburger cheese was forced to use strategy with a shipment. Ordinarily his product went in special cars, but in this Instance no car was available, and the order must bo filled. Two hundred pounds of the fragrant comes tib'o was put in a rough, oblong box and taken to the railroad baggage room. Then tho manufacturer bought a ticket for himself and .the box and entered the train. At the first stop he went ahead to the baggage car to seo that there was no trouble. Ho stood by tho box in a disconsolate at titude and shaded his eyes with his hand. The baggageman was sympa thetic. "A relative?" he asked. "Yes," answered the manufacturer; "it is my brother." "Well," said the railroad man philosophically, "you have one consolation. He's dead, all right." Choosing the Lesser Evil, The proverbial wit of the Irish jar vey is oftentimes mixed with an un dercurrent of stern reality that is as touching as It is eloquent. A gentle man driving through Sackvllle street, Dublin, the other day on an outside car commented on the wretched ap pearanco of the horse. Said he, "Pat you ought to bo taken up for cruelty to animals, driving such an old screw as that." "Bo gor, sur," was tho quick reply, "if I didn't dhrive that, I'd be taken up for cruelty to a wife and six chli der." St. James' Gazette. The Sinner's Progress. In narrating a story of a naughty girl and an English magistrate in his book, "Old and Odd Memories," tho Hon. Lionel A. Tollcmache supple ments it with that famous example of anti-climax, the rebuko of a head mas ter to youthful Etonians for unpunc tuallty at chapel, "Your conduct is an insult to the Almighty and keeps the canons waiting." Tho young girl mentioned was had up beforo the magistrate by a farmer for killing ono of his ducks with a stone. The case against her was quite clear, but it was thought worth while to call witnesses to prove that she was very naughty Indeed and in tho habit of using bad language. Then, in solemn accents, tho mag istrate addressed her: "Little girl, you have heard tho evi dence against you, and you seo bow ono thing leads to another. Yon 'bo gan by cursing and swearing and blas pheming your Maker, and you have onrtoil hv thrnwlnor n Rtnno nt n dnrlr " HOME DRESSMAKING By Charlotta Martin. BUTTERFLY DRESSING 8ACQUE. Pattern No. 5441. Plain color flannel was the material used to make this simple and attractive dressing sacque. The seams over the shoulders give extra fullness to the sleeves whero needed when the arms are raised. The edges are fin ished with flowered ribbon. Cut in 5 sizes, 32 to 40 bust mea sure requires 3 1-3 yards of 27-lnch material. LADIES' SEMI-FITTING APRON. Pattern No. 5445. This apron is very neat in appearance, there be ing no unnecessary fullness or gath ers and it covers practically tho whole dress. The front of tho waist and skirt are cut together. The back and circular skirt are separate. Cut in 3 sizes, 32, 3G and 40 bust measure. Size 36 requires 6 yards of 27-inch material. Pattern No. 5440. This little dress is a decided novelty, the but tons being in front and concealed under the fold in the center. The dress is suitable for either a boy or a girl and is extremely easy to put on. Blue checked woolen was the material in the abovo picture, but any kind of cloth may be used for it. Cut in S sizes, 4, 0 and 8 yean. Size 5 requires 8 yards of 27-lnch material. HOW TO ORDER PATTERNS, Pterin1 wvtj cunts for each Bittern desired to Charlotte Martin, 403 W. 23rd Street, New York. Stat No. of pattern and wantad. CHILD'S COAT DRESS. WHEN THE ENGINE COMES s no time to be regretting your neglect to getinB"ured.' A little ;are beforehand is worth more than any; amount ol re gret. KRAFT & CONGER, General Insurance Agents HONESDALE PA. Holmes Memorial, St. Rose Cemetery, Carbondalo, Fa. Designed and built by MARTIN CAUFIELD Tooth Savers We have the sort of tnoth brushes that nro made to thoroughly cleanse and save the teetn. They are the kind that clean teeth I without leaving your mouth full of bristles. We recommend those costlns 25 cents or more, as we can guarantee them and will re place, free, any that show detects; ot manu racture within three months. O. T. CHAHBERS, PHARHACIST, Opp. D. & II. Station, HONESDALE, PA. JOSEPH N. WELCH Fire Insurance The OLDEST Fire Insurance Agency in Wayne County. Office: Second floor Masonic Build ing, over C. C. Jadwin's drug store, Honesdale. II FOR IE I One of the best equipped farms In Wayne county situated about three miles from Honesdale, Everything Jp-To-Me,g Over $5,000.00 has been ex ended with l the lnstflvn years in buildings, tools and Improvements. 165 iwi ot which 75 acres are eood bard wood timber. win De soia reasonably. A Bargain, --For further particulars en quire ot W. W. WOOD, "Citizen" offloe. For New Late Novelties -IN JEWELRY SILVERWARE WATCHES Try SPENCER, The Jeweler "Guaranteed articles only sold."
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers