r A VETERAN'S VERDICT. e War is Over. A Well-known Sol dier, Correspondent and Journal ist Makes a Disclosure. Indiana contributed lior thousands of brnvo soldiers to tlio war, and no state bears a bet ter record In that respect thun It does. In literature It U rapid! acquiring; as enviable plaeo. In war and literature Solomon Yowoll, woll known ns a writer us Sol," has won nn honorablo position. Dur ing tho lato war ho wus a momberof Co. Me 8d. N. V. Cavalry und of tho 13tb Indiana In fantry Volunteers. Regarding an Important circumstance ho writes us follows: "Several of us old veterans hero arc using l)r Miles' Hostoratlvo Nervine Heart Cure and Nervo and Liver I'll la, all of them giving splendid satisfaction. In fact, wo havo never used remedies that -compare with thorn. Ol llie.l'llls wo mustsay they nre tho be9t cont inuation of the qualities required In u prep aration of their naturo wo have over known. We havo nono but words of nralso for them. They aro tho outgrowth of -f'.iew prlnclplo In medicine, and tono up tho system wonder fully. Wo say to all, try these remedies.' Holomon Yowoll, Marlon, Ind., Dec. 6, 18112 Thcso remedies aro sold by all druggists on a positive guarantee, or sent direct by the Dr. Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Ind., nn re ceipt of price, $1 per bottle, six bottles Sfi, ex press prepaid. Thoy positively contain neither opiates nor dangerous drugs. CHRISTIAN SCHMIDT No. 207 West Coal Street, SHENANDOAH, PENNA. -AGENT FOIt- CELEBRATED LAGER 1 1 Porter, Ale and Fine Old Stock Ale. RETTIG'S Peer and Porter. T AM AGENT for tho X Chas, Bettig's Cele brated Beer and Porter In this vicinity, also Bergner & Engel's celebrated India Pale Ales and Old Stock. Orders will receive prompt attention. Finest brands of Liquors and Cigars, SOLOMON HAAK- 120 South Mam Street. 20 HANDS Under tho auspices of the II. & S. F E. Co., No. 1, PERU ROUSE, BEGINNING, Ending JANUAKY 8, ISM. In addition to the' attractions by the magnificent display at tho booths there will be a grand MUSICAL HTERTAINMEST! And other amusements. Change of program each night A numbered ticket given to each person purchas ing a ticket of admission. Tickets, Only 5 Cts. Speech llestored. For live years I suffered with pain and dls. charge of the throat, bacylng cough, frontal headache, weak eyes, &q nt tlmea, could not and not able to work. I was treated by tbe best physicians In the county, but received no relief. After giving up all hones I -was reoom mendod to use a bottlo of Mayers' Magnetlo Catarrh Cure. After using It for four weeks my speech returnea. ah symptoms 01 ua a rn have disappeared and "I feel alio a dill rs it person." Mus. Elias IIandweiik, Elk Lick, Somerset Co., I'a. The'above Is one of the many testimonials we have receivod this week, and wewlllnubllsh every two weeks additional persons hat ng been cured by our marvelous medicine, Trj a oouie ana ee curea at once. Mayers' DnuaCo,, Oakland, Md. For sale by druggists, Mayers' Magnetic Catarrh Cure is the only medicine used by vapor inhalation, and is guaranteed by your drugttlst. A DIVIDEND PAYEK. Tin Golfl Dollar lii Co'?, OfCripplt Creek, Colorado, Organized under laws of Colorado Capital 4 ,ocu tw.uuu snares, par value e&cu, JHi'l l'alil ud Koh aiseasa'le 150,000 Snares In Treamry, The mine s lora'ed n he richest pi the ceieorateagmo prscw ng us pie ireea, ana is nuo uBaerjj patent. Work s carried or da. grade ore la Doing taa In January USUI, the. FAIR! THE TWINKLING 8TAR3. IIow Far Aro They Away nmt Then What I.les llejiinil? Of tho 100,000,000 or more Mars which aro vlslblo with astronomical instrumenta, tho distances from tho earth of only n very few have been measured with oven an approximation to ncetirncy. Mmtnf tho stars npiwar to lio so far away that tho cliattgo in their apparent place caused hy viewing thorn from oposltt sides of the earth's orbit and that orbit is about 180,000,000 miles neroiH it so Blight that it escapes certain detection. Only about 50 start! hnvo thus far yielded definite re sults in tho attempt to measure their dis tances, and even those results are too of ten exceedingly conflicting anil uncertain. Tho nearest star thus far discovered in ono of tho first magnitude, not vlslblo from tho United Stated or Kurope. It i tho star twilled Alpha In the constellation of tho Centnur in tho southern hemisphere tot tho hoaveiiH, Tho distanco of this star appears to lie something like 20,0un.noo, 000,000 miles, or about 215,000 times n 1 1 rent as tho dis tanco of the sun from tl.-n urth. Tho next nearest star, as far ns known, is nllttloslxth magnitude twinkler, barely vlslblo to tho nuked eye, in tho constella tion of Cygnus, popularly cnllcd the north ern cross. Tho distance of tills Btar, which is known to astrouomerH us 01 Cygnl, is variously ostimnted. nt from -10,000,000,-000,000 to 00,000,000,000,000 miles, or two or threo times that of tho bright star in tho Centaur. Tho brightness of tho stars, ns wo see them, is, then, no measure of their com parative distance. A very bright star may bo much moro distant than a very faint one, tho dlllerencoin brilliance being duo to the greater magnitude of the moro distant star. Slrius, or tho dog star, for instance, which scintillates so splendidly in tho winter sky, is moro distant thun tho llttlo star 01 Cygni, tho latter being in fact u very much smaller sun than ours, while Sirius is n far larger one. It thus appears that, wiillo tho efforts to measuro tho distanco of tho stars hnvo not been very successful, yet they havo re sulted in giving us n wonderful insight in to tho arrangement of tho univcrso of suns in tho midst of which wo dwell. Thoy hnvo proved that largo stars and small stars aro scattered through space at vari ous distances from ono another ami from us; that the dimensions of tho blazing bodies -which wo call stars, or suns, vary to an enormous oxtent, und thnt our own sun, great, glorious and overpowering as it seems to us, really belongs to n quito inferior rank. But it is possible that before many years our knowledge of tho distances of tho stars may bo greatly extended. Spectro scopic investigation In tlio caso of binary stars, as thoso aro called which circle in pairs around tlieircommon ceutcrof grnv ity, is beginning to help us a little in this direction, Keceutiy, for instn"", Mr. G. V. Colics, Jr., has calculated, ui tho results of such investigation, ti.u mean distanco of 05 stars shunted in tho northern hemis phere of the heavens, mid ho finds it equal to tho distanco which light would travel in ufcout 150 years. That distance is not less than 870,000,000,000,000 miles,. or moro than 4!) times as ureat ns tho dis tanco of tlio uearest known star, Alpha Centnurl. Yet, enormous ns sucli n distance is, it is nearly certain that tlio nverago distanco of all tho stars composing tho visible uni verse is still greater. And here und tliero the starry heavens, oven in their richest reglons.prosent black and apparently emp ty spaces through which wo seem to look out from tho bounds of the visible uni vcrso into fathomless depths beyond. But is there any thoughtful mind which can avoid asking itself tlio question, "What lies beyond? When vi como to the outermost star of tho univcrso, whut then?" That is n question which even as tronomy, with all its marvelous wealth of discovery ami achievement, cannot nu swer at least not yet. Youth'iCompan ion. AMUSEMENTS. pEUGUSON'S THEATRE. P. J. FEIIGUSON, MINAGKK, Thursday and Frldny, December 28 and 29. Appearance of tho Jolly Fun Makers Howorth's Big- Show TftIP TO IRELAND ! Combined with tho famous Hihrnici and Dublin Dan Specialty Co. Positively tho best attraction of this kind traveling. 11 specialty artists. Brass band and orchestra. Look out for the grand street parade dally at noon. New specialties, novelties, songs, muslo. doublo Jigs, reels, nances. This com- F any Illustrates the comlcsldeota tourthraugh reland, and will be Interspersed with special ties by every member of tho company. Prices, 25) 35 and 50 Cents. Reserved seats at KIrlln's drugstore. F EBGUSON'S THEATRE. P. J. VEUGUSON, MAN AC En. TUESDAY, January 2nd, 1894, The Sensational Drami, New York Palmer's Theatre. Hrllllant suc cess. Carlton Iron mills In full blast. The greatest scene on the American stage. Prices, 25, 50 and 75 Cents. Reserved seats at KIrlln's drug store. F EKOUSON'B THEATRE. P. J. rEROUEON, MANAGER. Wednesday, Jan. 3rd, 1894, "The smart little bit of a man," Mark Murphy, In he Crust of Irish Hoi rty, MASTER AND MAN. jkilibors, THEY MEAN BUSINESS. Oorbett and Mitckoll Show Their Willingness to Fight. mE PUGILISTS UNDER ARREST. It Was n Minn or the Huvnl Athletlo Club to TVit tlio Locality nf the Pro posed "Npnrrlujr Kxhlhitton," and the Malingers Are Confident. JACKSONVILLE, Fla., Deo. 30. Those who doubted the sincerity of Champion Jim Corbett and Charley Mitchell in thole individual effort to pull oh the big fight hero In Jannnry must give way now to the stronger evidence of facts. The bin flghtors yesterday voluntarily gave them selves up to tho authorities in order to forestall arrest at a later date and to tost tho legality of their proposed contest. It was all a prearranged plan, and so far as the plan itself goes it was cleverly de vised and satisfactorily carried out. Manager J. K. T. llowden, of the Duval Athletlo oluh, lins schemed for days and nights so that there might he no inter ference. It has been a cherished dream of his and of the other club magnates that the hlg light should occur under the itipervlsion of the Duval Athletic club md right hero in Jacksonville. But the vague rumors which have flllod the air that the authorities would step in and take a hand, and the strange uncer tainty as to the real movements in the ex ecutive offices, have thrown a damper on til these plans nnd projects. Therefore George 1'. A cost a, attorney for the club, proem cd warrants for the arrest of the two pugillsts.on the ground that thoy had agreed to participate in a light which was to come oil within the boundaries of Florida. Mitchell was arrested nt the Everett House and taken before Judge Baker, of the county court. The pugilist was moro than surprised not to find Corbett also in custody, but when informed by Bowden that Corbett had been sent for and would appear during the day ho calmed his troubled spirits. The warrant was then read to hint and he immediately gave bonds in tho sum of $1,500 to appear be fore the criminal court Jan. 2, 1894. Mitch ell and his party left shortly afterwards for the training quarters at St. Augus tine. About 4 o'clock in the afternoon Cor bett came to town from ills Mayport cot tage. Corbett also was taken before Judge Baker, where he gave bonds to ap pear before the criminal court on Jan. 3. This latest move on the part of the man agers of tho Duval club was. entirely un expected hy the outsiders. On Monday next either Mitchell or Corbett will be surrendered by his bondsmen. After he has been taken into custody n writ of habeas corpus will be applied for. If it is decided that the arrest was an illegal one then preparations for the fight will con tinue with increased vigor, as tliut will be looked upon as an evidence that no fur ther opposition to the light can legally be made. If the arrest Is considered legal then the Duval management say that tho battle will be declared oil nnd all work will be stopped. The managers aru con fident, however, that the decision will be favorable to them, and this feeling is shared by tho majority of the citizens. Work on the big arena is being pushed forward, and tickets for the contest are being sold in large numbers. It. Archibald, one of the most prom inent of tho opposition, said today that whether the criminal court decided that the arrests were illegnl or not, it would have no bearing on the case. Sucli a de cision would not prevent the stopping of the light by Governor Mitchell, or by the sheriff. This view is not shared by the majority of the people. Prosecuting Attorney Christie and Dis trict Attorney liartridge have wired Gov ernor Mitchell, who is at predentin Tampa, asking him to Bend Attorney General La mar to conduct the case for the people. A Street Itnllway Company Ousted. Council Bluffs, la., Dec. 29. Tho agi tation fur five cent fare on the Omaha Council Bluffs motor line, which has beep kept up for the past year, resulted in a decision in the superior court that the company has no rights in this city. The suit was brought several mouths ago to forfeit tho charter of the Iowa corpora tion and to oust the Nebraska corpora tion from the use of the streets of Council Bluffs. Coke Workers' Wages Ilmluced. Union-town, Pa., Dec. 29. Notices have been posted at the works of the Oliver Coke and Furnuce company here that a reduction of U per cent, in the wages of every man in their employ will tako ef fect on Jan. 1, and unless it is accepted the plant will be closed down indefinitely. STOCK AND PRODUcTmaRKETS. Closing Quotations of tho Now York und Philadelphia Exchange. Nr.w YoilK, Dec. 28. In the stock market today tho temper of speculation was decid edly bearish, and the market was character ized by f everishness. Closing bids: Lehigh Valley. . . . S6WJ W, N. Y. & Pa. . . . 2 Pennsylvania.... i734 Erie Reading 17 P., L. & W ICS St. Paul 67 West Shore Wl Lehigh Nav mi N. Y. Central 88 N. Y. & N. E Lake Erie & W... 13)i New Jersey Cen..lllK Del. & Hudson.. . . 129 General Markets. PiULAnixriilA, Deo. 28. Flour weak; win ter superfine, $202.10; do. extras, t2.2Sa2.50; No. 2 winter family, Si'.SOfi-'.&V, Pennsylvania roller stralBht,82.9(ia3. 15; westernwinter clear, tJ.753. Wheat dull, weaker, with &.Ja. bid and 83so. asked far December. Corn quiet, easier, with 0J4o. bid and ilUo. asked for December. Oats unchanged, with Ute. bid and 36o. asked for December. Ueef steady; extra mess, J88.50; family, 5113.1a, Pork unohanged; mess, 813.75! 4.60, Lard quiet, nrm; steam rendered, 58.50. Butt quiet, weak ; New York dairy, WfUxo, ; w era dairy, l&BSio.; mgins, 27'i$28c.; York creamery, 331)0. : western creai1 0sU6o.j Imitation creamery. lM2c ; 17ffi20e.; Pennsylvania creamery prints, fa 9)0.; choice, 'JOo.: do. fair to good. 30O.-, prints lobbing at 31iB31o. Cheese nrm; V York, large, Si&llMo.; do. fancy. 11K13? do. small, 10H13)o.; part skims, 480HC-; full skims, 2&3u. Eggs quiet, steady; western, 21 2a$c.; toutntru, ax3o. I.lve Stock Markets. EAST I.liiEKTV, Pa., Deo. SS.-N'o cattle ea sale. Hogs steady; all grades, $3.3J3J,13. Shtcp slow and unchanged. JJdffalo, N. Y.. Dec. M.-Cattls flrmj sales of Texas steers and heifers at 93.15; fair to rood cows, ii.SfnaJt.ii; good 1,410 pound steers, $(.36. Hogs dull, lower; Yorkers, &J.S0&5.35! medium and heavy, $i.&VsVS.a0; choice hsavy, $3.30; plg, $3 USas.M; one lot of fanoy, J5.M; roughs, SI.H5ttl.J3. sheep and lambs sltady for good to choice grades, dull for common; native sheep, tSjKOS.rU; extra fat. 3i3.; wtthers, $3.VU: nativs lambs, t.1iVl.U; Canada lambs, f f.ootfu.js. 8teel Works to Close Down, STEELTos, Pa , Dec 29. The entire establlsment of the Pennsilvnula Steel company, with he exception of the frog, swltih and sif nul department and two furua 'es will t lose tlowntoiivjrrcw for an indeflnU'1 pen "1 Perfect Baby Heal O 11 g 11 t to mean glow ing health throughout childhood, a 11 d robust health in tlte years to come. When vri; see in children: tendencies to weakness, wc know ' ry are missing the life of food :':eu. This loss is qvcrcome by Ssclfs EiHiilsio of Cod I.iver Oil, with Ilypophos-phit"-;, a fat-food that builds up appt-W" and produces llesli at t. .:te that appears magical. slr:-) t as falatable as milk. Iluinnrloibla .lleiuory Thcra is it man in tlio fwnato wing of tho cnpitol who lins no Hystem, who lins never made n study of tlio memory, who does not confess to even n remoto interest In mnemonics wiio can give the profes sors of " memory system " n doublo d iscoun t nnd beat tlii'in at their own game. Ami his specialty is tlio most difficult feature ot mnemonics memorizing figures. You can ask Amui Smith for appropria tion bills or tariff hillsor billsof any other kind; for hills of this congress, or of tho last congress, or of the congresa of 10 years ngo, nnd you will be pretty sure to get a nulck and accurate answer. If you givo him a particularly puzzling problem, ho will rest his forehead on his finger nnd his elbow on tiis desk for n minute. Then tho little wheea will go round somowhero out of sight, nnd presently ho will look up nt you with: "Let 1110 nee. That was in tho Fortieth congress, first session, 1 believe, mid tho number is Is 2,872." Then ho will go hack among the flies and burrow for n time, and presently he will como out ngniu, Hinilliig and holding tho bill that you asked for in his hand. Cin cinnati Timca-Star. Professional Cards. pilOF. PKEDKHICK 7.E1TZ, INSTRUCTOR OF MUSIC, Is prepared to give Instructions ou piano, organ, firing and band instruments, Forfnrthor In formation call ouornddros G'.unu, Kit linos,, No. 1 North Malnurcct, Hhcnandouh. JOHN II. COYLE, A TTORNKY-A T-I.A W. Offlce Hoddall building. Hhcnandoah, Pa ClOL. KOSTI2K, o ATTORNEY nnd COVNSKLLER-AT-LAV. Itoora 3, Mountain City Hank Ilulldlng, PotU vllle, Pa. M. M. UUItKE, A TTORNKY A T-LA W. SniNABDOin, Pa, Offlco Hoom 3, P. O Ilulldlng, Bhonandotl , ana Esterly building, Pottsville. D It. It. HOOIILEKNEII, Physician and Surgeon, Advice free at drug store, 107 Houth Main street. Privato ronsultatlon nt rosldencc 112 Houth Jardin street, from 0 to 7:30 p. m. 0. T. HAVIOE. BUHQE0N DHNTIS7. Offlce Northeast Cor. Main and Centre ate Shenandoah, over Stein's drug store. J. PIEMCE ROI1BRTX, 51. D No. 25 East Coal Htreet, HIIENANDOAH, PA. Offlco Hours 1:30 to 3 and 0:30 to B p. m. D K. J. 8. OALLEN, no 31 ooutn j arain street, Hncmmaoth Office Ilouits: 1:30 to 3 and 0:30 to 8 p. M. Except Thursday evening. .Yo office wok on Runrlay except by arrange merit. A strict adhtrtnee to the office hourt U absolutely necessary. l0-31-6m NKJI1T VISITS, 81. .1(1. ptOF. f!. J. WATSON, Teacher of VIOLIN, GUITAR, BANJO and MANDOLIN. Having had sixteen years' experience as a teacher of instrumental muito giving (untrue tlon on tho ahovo Instruments. Word left at Ururam'a jewelry store will receive prompt at' tentlon. jyf 8. KISTLER, It. D PHYSICIAN AND qOROEON, Offlce 1C0 North Jardin street, Shenacdoib. Delcamp's Livery Stable E. DELCAMP, JR., Prop., WEST STREET, Between Centre an Lloyd, Sliciiaiicluith, Pcuna, Teams to hire for all purposes on reasonable terms' H. F. FAUST'S Electric Call Bell and Burglar Alarm! Hlmple, Perfect and Cheap. Everybody de lighted with It. Orders left at 130 tfeuth Jar din street, Hhcnandoah Pa. will be promptly attended to. BJtRGAINSI Big Reduction in Wall Paper. Must make room for an enor mous Spring Stock, It:; i JOHN - P. - CAR DEN, Sil W. Centre Street, Shenandoah, Pa. The Man Who wrote the Song I "lie never caret to wonder from Mi own fireside," was Inspired while Bitting before one of my Hue Heaters. I also have on hand the best Stoves and Ranges in the markot and a large stock ol llousefurnlshlng Goods. Plumbing, rooting and Routing a specialty.. All work guaranteed. 1". O. X7V A.T33JIIS, i"or. ot Lloyd and White Sta.. Hhenandoah, Ps. CARPETS Sewed and laid, old ones refitted. Mattresses made to oruer Carpets, Mattresses I'caiot rs H'TlH fs t'ustiioos i.o , inadn f 'a fr at d and m.ia .XI wcioi Ury wra-O'r Prottptati moo g veil t j orders. Address BTfc M Iil .OV Al N 12 tin GESRGEWPtCK. KQT. ricpryftifiHTEb mi f W L VrUriERicArfPRE551SociATiOfi" CHAPTER XVIL HIS l'A JOKHS 1I1M. "What on enrth is that you hnvo got on your upper lip?" eaid the grocery mmi to tlio bud boy ns he enmo in nnd begnu to peel a rutabaga, nnd his upper lip hang down over his teetlt nnd wna cov ered with something thnt looked like shoemaker's wax. "You look as though you hnd been digging potn toes with your nose." "Oil, that is some of Pa's darn smart ness. I ttsked him if ho knew anything that would ninken boy's mustncho grow, nnd he told me the best thing he ever tried wns tar, and for mo to rub it on thiolc when I went to bed nnd wnsli it oil In tho morning. I put it on last night, and by gosh I can't wash it off. Pa told 1110 till I had to do was to use a scouring brick, and it would come off, and I used tlio scouring brick, and it took the skin off, and the tar is there yet. And, say, does my lip look very bad?" Tlio grocery man told hiin it was tho worst looking lip lie ever saw, but ho could cure it by rubbing a little cayenne popper in tho tar. Ho said tlio tar would neutralizo the pepper, and tlio pepper would loosen tho tar alid act as a cool ing lotion to tlio lacerated lip. The boy wont to a can of pepper behind tho counter nnd stuck his finger in nnd rubbed a lot of it on his lip, nnd then Iiis hair began to rise, nnd lie began to cry and rushed to tlio water pail and ran liis fuco into tlio water to wash off the pepper. The grocery man laughed, and whon the boy hod got the pepper washed oil and had resumed his rutabaga bo said: "That seals your fate. No man ever triilos with tho feelings of the bold buc caneer of tlio Spanish main without liv ing to rtto it. I will lay for you, old man, and don't you forget it. Pa thought ho was smartvwhon ho got mo to put tar on my lip to bring my .mustacho out, nnd today he lays on a bed of pain, and tomorrow your turn will come. You will regret that you did not get down on your kuees and beg my pardon. You will be sorry that you did not prescribe cold cream for my bruised lip instead of kyan iyper. Beware, you base 13 ounces to the pound huckster, you gim let oyedsflllerof dog sausage, you sanded sugar idiot, you small potato three card moute sleight of hand rotten egg fiend, you villain that sells smoked sturgeon and dogfish for smoked halibut! The avenger is on your trackl" "Look here, young man, don't you threaten me, or I will tako you by tho ear and walk you through green fiolds and beside still waters to the front doer and kick your pistol pocket clear around so you can wear it for a watch pocket in your vest. No boy can frighten mo, by crimus. But, tell me, how did you get even with your Pa?" "Well, give mo a glass of cider and wo will bo friends, and I will tell you. Tiianksl Gosh, but thnt cider is made ont of moldy dried apples and sewer water," and ho took a handful of layer raisins off tho top of a box to take the taste out of his mouth, nnd while tho grooer charged a peck of rutabagas, a gallon of cider and two pounds of rai sins to tlio boy's Pa the boy proceeded: "You seo, Pa likes a joko tho bost of anybody you ever saw if it is on some body else, but ho kicks like a steer when it is on him. I asked him this morning if it wouldn't bo a good joko to put some soft soap on tho front step so tlio lotter carrier would slip and spill himself, and Pa said it would be elegant. The lotter carrier is as old a man as Pa, and I didn't want to humiliate him, but I just want ed Pa to give his consont so ho couldn't kick if he got cnught iu his own trap. You see? Well, this morning tho minis ter and two of the deacons called on Pa to have a talk with him about his actions in church on two or threo occasions, when ho' pulled ont the pack of cards witli hisvhandkerohief and played tho music box, (md thoy had a pretty hot time in tho back parlor, and finally thoy settled it nnd woro going to -iag a hymn whon Pa handed thorn a littlo hymn book, and the minister opened it and turned palo and said, 'What's this? and they looked nt it, and it was a book of Hoyle's games instead of a hymnbook. Ran Mb faoe into the wafer. "Gosh, wasn't the minister madl He had started to read a hymn, and he quit after he read two lines where it said, 'In a game of four handed euchre never trump your partner's ace, but rely on the ace to take the trick on suit.' Pa was trying to explain how the book onuie there, when the minister and the deacons started out, and then I poured the 2-quHrt tin pail full of soft soap on the front step. It wag tills white soap, just the color of the step, and when I got it spread I went down in the basement The visitors ciuue out, and Pa was trying to explain to yji about Hoyle when one of the deiu'oti stepped in the soap, and hit fi 1 1, 1', v. up and ho Rl 1 1 k ufc bis f tnt" "1 t , II r -pi Ihor: 1 r 1 t -1 (!"5 -irk a'" y u I ' " a' fftoap. mi' tiiiiusu'r umti c iook jhouj. a Uit. Wl 11 u ir('i o oalrll the raiilllir. l, I, t , , ll wnntoil ti murder tt . 1 v t , , vu ,irt h, but it tuay be he wivi tn I "Well, Pa wna paralyzed, and lie and tho other deacon rushed out .to pick up the minister and the first old man, and when they struck the step they went kiting. Pn'B feet somehow slipped back wards, and he turned a mimtneTsault nnd struck full length 011 his back, ami one heel wns across the minister's neck, hihI he slid down tiie steps, and the other deacon foil all over the other three, and Pa swore ut them, and it was the worst looking lot of pious people I ever saw, I think if the minister Imd been in tiie woods somewhere whore nobody could have heard him he would have used lan guage. They all seemed mad at each other. Tlio hired girl told Ma there was three tramps out on the sidewalk fight ing Pa, and Ma she took the bn mi and started lo help Pa, and I tried toaiupMa, 'cause her constitution is not very strong, and I didn't want her to do any flying trapeze biznoss, but I couldn't stop her, nnd she went out with the broom and a towel tied around her head. "Well, I don't know where ma did strike, but when she came in she said sho had palpitation of the heart, but that was not the place where she put the arnica. Oh, but she did go through tho air like a bullet through cheese, and whon sii' want down the steps a-bump-ity bump 1 felt sorry for Ma. The min ister hnd got so lie could set up ou the sidewalk, witli his back against tho lower stop when Ma came sliding down, and ono of the heels of her gaiters hit tho minister in the hair, and the other foot went right through between his nrm aud his side, and the broom like to pushed hn teeth down his throat. But lie was not mnd at Ma. As soon as he see it was Ma lie said, 'Why, sister, the wicked stand in slippery places, don't they?' aud Ma sho was mad nnd snid for him to let go horstooking, and then Pawns mad, and he said, 'Look a here, you sky pilot, this thing has gone far enough,' and then a po liceman came along, and first lie thought thoy were all drunk, but he found they were respectable, and he got a chip and scraped the soap off of them, and they went home. "Pa and Ma they got in the house some way, and just then the letter carrier came along, but lie didn't have any let ters for us, and he didn't come onto tho steps, and then I went up stairs and said, 'Pit, don't yon think it is real mean after you und I fixed tho soap on the steps for tlio letter carrier he didn't come on tho step at all?' and Pa wns scraping tho soap off his pauts with a piece of shingle, and tlio hired girl was putting liniment on Ma and heating it in for palpitation of the heart, and Pa said, 'You dam idjut, no moro of this, or I'll maul the liver out of you,' and 1 asked him if ho didn't think soft soap would help a mustache to grow, and lie picked up Ma's work bas ket aud threw it at my head as I went down stairs, and I came over him. Don't you think my Pa is unreasonable to get mad at a little joke that he planp'd him self?" 'l no grocery man isahl haidjKnow.,-'i sun vu't -uy went out wim a pair Ol skates over ills shoulder, and the grocery man is wondering what joke the boy will play on him to get even for tho cuyenno pepper. A Tlmo Tor KTerythlngr. An old French shoemaker who boasted that nothing could frighten him was put to the test by two young men. One of them pretended to lie dead, and the other, going to the shoemaker, induced him to sit up with the supposed oorpse. The shoemaker was in a hurry with some work he had promised to have completed tho next morning, so lie took his tools and leather nnd began working beside tho corpse. About 13 o'clock at night a cup of black cofTeo was brought him to keep him awake. He drank it and resumed his work. About 1 o'clock, the coffee hav ing exhilarated him, and forgetting that he was in the presence of death, he com menced singing a lively tuue, keeping time with his hammer. Suddenly the corpse nroso and exclaimed iu a hollow voice, "When a man is in the presence of dentil, he should not sing." The shoe maker (darted, then suddenly dealt tho corpso a blow on the head witli his ham mer, baying, "When a man's a corpse, he should never speak." Washington Post. An Old English lturlal. At Exford, near Miuehead, England, it was formerly tho custom for burials al ways to take place on a Sunday when pos sible, the burial service being dovetailed I'-- t!- rjBtiHi viTbruoon sw-vloe. The 'corpse, being brought into the church, was plnced in front of the reading desk ond remained there during the service; the funeral psalms were read instead of the psalms for the day, and the funeral lesson instead of the second lesson. The burial service wa3 concluded aft the sermon, nnd the entire congregntidn would gener ally remain to the eud. The custom ap pears to hiwo fallen into di-use about t" 5'earsii'i W' -1 1 -i'-i' (-.. , t f IScts., COcta., and $1X0 per Bottle. CureaCouehi. noarsenc 9, sere l1-! CrounnromDtlv. ri u- rsMlsoon.nrrt oacl and Asthma, For Consumption ithasnl rival: has cured thousands where nil others' failed; will cuke yog if taken mt zn? r.c id by Druggists n ajjuarantee ForTiameBark, or (jnescusosuinju 3 i ibixu. iocv Uloh'scatarrJ r. , . . i' ' j nsTDyuuiitiurri- - luisn-u ly 13 sruanSH teed to cure you. i'nrowiu, ii. tst-jr Irtl Soldhvt IT. Ks.. nt-c ,1 '-tvz'r m t A'.'ctl'' itati'i" 1 veet'lal give up I ' ! the merits o naps vi i- 1 'i i ASK 'HIM imitation v' 1 T' that pure, j, ' vegetable f LENE? P. mi , VOUR" Why shoul 1 not TOLENE, iu t other en , n purpose -' It possible " i rj sicians r 1 to CookiiK I xpj iromli."!', k'j MUSSB (bllCC" J No. 38 Jtcihi HKI.KAN W a! Our Motto lie-' (JSI t-noes. i-aironage rc Kaiser's Oystel i7 Houth Main Jj A. P. KAISER, Projl fjjSTbe beat'Oystera in all stylca Just opened in tho Eyan No. 8 East Centre street, tj of Fall and Wintor Millin.J iiiiss Annie Mourns HI LOTS Of Lots of ot tho bost it thl In drat clas. tl9 either life, s - oil No. 124 fir Thool 131 The only (lentilnn Specialist uuimui&tanuinp; mist olhJ NERVOUS DEI AND THE RESULTS OF 11 opecisi 1 luesspn and 1 rcrnianentlr Cured In I BLuuu POISON 'r?i pean Hos;u.al and 32 nractlil ueuiu,.ai . ana umiom&A booKcxno me Quark llocti vertMnn 3 great specialist 1 toall -uf: r arj to tin! I niarrlai. . Tnemor.tri.ubbo casessolii'lt-d, wrlteorca 1 Honrs - ' rve'a B-s, Wil 1 B-iu.wi! n au-":srnlti SHOEMA General Sud WL ' '-.lie and Ktj T03EC3NT JO. Tj Fergu- Ik-bldB.j dellcia'iT tcj nnd Etrcnjl mad 3 In n log regular month is, yed on lloustou's SUl
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers