Six Sailors: By JANE LUDLUM LEE. | Copyrighted, ISKW, by C. H. Sutcllffe. T "I hope you fellows know that I atn Irlng this launch by the hour, $lO for ich hour, and as she has already een here for thirty minutes we have asted $5. Come along." "We're coming. Jack, coming. You re a regular old Sliylock to ask a jan up here as your guest on a little low out and then throw the cost of it n his teeth. The rest of us have been •>ja«ly for some time, but Leigh can't ear himself away from the ladles and ?ou would make this a stag." "Very weiL then let Leigh stay with ae girls, for Fm not «oing to have hein alHjard. Thoy would all be sea lck or giggling. Here comes I>eigh ow. Just at that moment three big fel i>ws appeared In the doorway of the iouse carrying another being who eemed to be all legs and arms, which ■ere flying in all directions. At the >p of their voices, and each man on . different key, they were shouting 'How can I bear to leave thee?" Car rying their burden down to the land ng, they deposited Leigh and all olned hands and started an Indian .var dance around him while passers slowed up to see six strapping fel ows, clad only In their bathing suits, oing a wild dance around their vlc ira. Jack broke the spell by yelling. "That parade won't wait, boys, for tny one except Roosevelt, and he SHE BHEATHED A HEAVY STOH, AND LF.lah COULD HEAII IT. «loes not happen to be one of our par ty, so all aboard and some one sit on Leigh until we are well under way." Leigh's tenor voice squawked "Good lipy, ladles," but he was immediately lumped on by about two pounds of hu manity, and he quieted down. "Now, skipper, for Oyster Bay in the best time you can make it," said Jack. The Aphrodite puffed and kicked foj i momeut, tbeu started out, and soon Belleview was only a speck In the dis .ance. it was a rainy, misty morning. iut the boys did not mind. Jack and Alice had a dear old house at Belle view and had filled It over Sunday vlth their best friends. Jack had hired his launch to take the boys for a sail, ind Alice had agreed to stay at home ind give the girls a dove luncheon. "Leigh," said Jack, "if you don't .vatch out the next dance you do will be to the tune of the wedding march Better go easy." "Jack, old man, your hand on it ou, being a married man. must know he symptoms, and I don't mind say ag that ever since last summer at the tke I've had an uneasy feeling in my leart, but up at your house I'm just naklng myself useful amusing the la •lies." Bryan Macgregor, the basso of the >arty, saw fit to interrupt the boys aere and, taking ids old meerschaum pipe out of his mouth, drawled: "I say, fellows, you two lietter quit, 'fs too early In the morning to get witting on facts, and it's a mean thing :o do ut any time of day. Jack, you give an imitation of a gentleman and don't talk back, and. Leigh, for love ol Mike, shut up that howl. Grantlns .hat your bonny lies over the ocean, i do not blame her for staying there •112 she ever heard that voice of yours." Finally the six men seated them ieives in comfortablo positions, and ■matches of songs, bits of stories, much auditor ami aeneral anori fellnwnhin irevanea. Jjelgh again had the lloot I the midst of a story about six nail rs who were shipwrecked and hud ne ood. "No food!" he reiterated. "No food - Just the same as we are, fellows- n< food." Jack took the hint, and soon baskets (.nine forth licavily laden with de Melons food that the girls had packed for them. They sat down and began o eat like the proverbial hungry sail >rs, and l,eigh was commenting on .vomen In the capacity of cooks when queer gurgling sound was heard, hen another. The Aphrodite was evl icntly in trouble. "Maybe she's hungry, skipper. Give •ier some gawoline or a bit of oil." The Aphrodite, as if In answer to the -nggestlnn, began spitting oil over the loor of the boat "Evidently not Hungry - in fact, full 0 overflowing," commented Leigh The Aphrodite suddenly stopped and II efforts on the part of the skipper nd the six men were futile. They rffted and drifted until it became a ■rloos problem. What was to be done nd who was to do It? By this time 10 launch had drifted Into a cove boot a mile from land, and after much lscusaiou Leigh volunteered to swim » the land and get help. The others, flowing he was n famous swimmer, gre*Hl to the plan, and without much eiay he was overboard and with long, .efldy strokes was covering the <Mb *nce. When he finally reached the •lore he rested awhile, and then starts 1 to walk towards a handsome reei- I dence at the top of the cliff. Suddenly from Uw bushes uear him came a clear soprano voice. Leigh stopped and listened and looked. Itot far from where he stood there waa a little rustic summer house, and leaning | against the sldo of It was a young girl j dressed all In white. He crept a little nearer to make quite sure that he wm not dreaming, so near that, as the git! stopped singing, she breathed a heavy sigh, and Ijelgh could hear it II" longed for a sight of her face and won dered If It were half as sweet as the voice fee had heard, and he made brave to creep a little nearer. The rustle of the bushes made her turn, and seeing him she cried: "Leigh—Mr. Richards! Is It really you?" "It Is really Leigh Richards, Miss Ap plet 011, and I apologize for startling i you so, but I was climbing up the cliff j and heard your voice, so stopped to lis ! ten. I am on an errand of mercy and j perhaps you can help me out" "An errand of mercy, In a bathing suit! Why, I do not quite understand. ! Where Is the rest of your party?" Leigh soon explained to her the plight of the boys, and finished by saying, "Your father dislikes me so that 1 expect If he knows who's in the party he'll never let = one of his men togo to our help. Wel he?" I "Father has gone over -to see the naval parade in Judge Cowan's boat, and our men are on the grounds doing nothing. One of them can take our little launch out and tow yours In." "That's asking almost too much, but ; if you could direct me to some other place." "Don't say that to me after what you did last year. Do you think I have forgotten how you saved my life when I was drowning In that treacher ous lake? Why did you go away with out ever giving me a chance to thank i you?" "Miss Appletou Edith 1 didn't know you wanted to have me stay, any. anyway, your father had no use for me. He was right enough, too, at the time, but I'm a steady old ship now, dearest. If you will only under -1 take to guide me." "I didn't know—l thought you didn't care," she murmured. "Didn't care—why, darling, that day \ that I held your listless form in my i arms was the happiest moment in my whole life. I looked at your white face and knew just how much you ; were to me. I couldn't tell you so then, dear, so I went away until I j could. Will you have me now, Edith?" "Leigh, dear, I've been waiting for you a whole long year, twelve whole months, and each month seemed a | year. I, too, have been yours ever I since that day you held me In your arms. How much longer must we wait?" "Just long enough for me to get rid of the boys and find some clothes." 1 "Lot's goto the boys together, Leigh, and tell tliem, for, you see, If the old launch had not broken down, I would j have been waiting yet." A MODEST REQUEST. Colonel Bill Sterrct and the Privilege He Craved. When Colonel Hill Sterret iirst went to Washington to report the news of i the eapitol for his Texas papers, he j had desk room in (he office of General n. V. Boynton, then the militant cor j respondent of the Cincinnati Commer j clal. i General Boynton spoke out In meet ing. He said things about statesmen that made the statesmen angry. He I had many personal encounters with patriots whose feelings had been ruf fled. One night a man came Into Boyn ton's office loudly proclaiming that he Intended to shoot Boynton. The gen eral grabbed a chair, beat the Intruder over the head with It, knocked him | down and threw him out. All this time | Sterret sat at his desk, looking on in j great amazement. When the man landed in the gutter Sterret came timidly over to Boynton. "General," he said, "being a new hand here, I don't know the practices of this office nor the customs that pertain to Washington correspondents, and I didn't want to intrude. Now that I j have seen what has happened, I trust you will allow me a question?" "Go ahead," said Boynton. "When the next man comes in, would it be too forward if I should crave the privilege of kicking him a few times In honor of the sainted Confederate dead?"— Saturday Evening Post. ABOARD A MAN-OF-WAR. Life Largely Made Up of Scrubbing*, Regulations and Inspections. i The day's programme aboard a man of-war is calculated to make the boy who wants to run away "to sea sit up and think twice. It varies somewhat according us the ship Is in port or at sea and under different commands, but In any case, from 0 o'clock in the morn ing till 7:80 at night, It Is a rather strenuous round of scrubblngs and j drills. The recruit realizes very soon ffiat the expression "shipshape" means i * good deal. 1 Saturday morning Is a tremendous j cleaning time, called "field day," which ! Is followed by a half holiday in the i afternoon, and on Sunday morning tho captain himself inspects his ship from keel to truck. The marine band Is sta tioned just itelow on the hurricane deck, and the bluejackets stand on the port side of tne quarter deck and the marines on the starboard, all ready for inspection. But life isn't all scrubblngs, regula tions and inspections. On the larger ships the government furnishes ath letic supplies, and each man-of-war has her champion boxer and baseball and football teams. These teams are managed or supervised, at least, by officers, and many an ensign or lieu tenant who has won his "N" at tho Naval academy plays shoulder to shoul der with his bluejackets. Such fa miliarity would have scandalized old Commodore Porter beyond words.—St Nicholas. Conversation. The reason why so few people are agreeable in conversation Is that each Is thinking more of what he is intend' ing to say than of what others are say ing, and we never lister when we are planning to speak.—Rochefoucauld. That which is reasonable and thai which Is unreasonable have both to en counter the like contradiction.—Goethe. | Fabian's Cure : By LULU JOHNSON. j; • Copyright. 1907. by M. M. Cunningham. ; Fabian impatiently paced tne piazza. It, was 8:10 and the breakfast bell had not sounded. But not because be was hungry did Fabian anathema tize the cook. He had wakened with little appetite, but ever since he had begun to order his life be had had breakfast at 8. It had been the sole recommendation of this boarding place that they had breakfast at his accustomed hour In stead of 7:30, as seemed to be the cus tom in most of the boarding houses in CaiTsvllie. Because Fabian always took the first two weeks In August as his vaca tion he followed this custom, too, though the break in tho even routine of the office annoyed him. But habit was Fabian's fetich. Habit decreed * two weeks' vacation in August, and so he continued to seek a resort where the orderly routine of his llfo would be the least interrupted. This year he had rather fancied Glen farm, but they bad breakfast at 7:15. Fabian had inquired irritably why not 7 or 7:30 and had decided In favor of Brook farm, where maals were served at about the hours to which he was accustomed In town, though It annoyed him to have to eat his dinner In the middle of the day and a cold supper at night. Ever since he had reached his seven teenth j-oar Fabian had been alone in the world and he had fallen In a rut of system. Ills orderly habit of mind mado him a valuable man In the office, but his unwillingness to depart from custom drew few friends, and at twenty-six he was still heart whole. The delayed breakfast was a fnr greater annoyance than a more serious disappointment might have been, and he gnawed at his mustache as bestrode up and down the piazza. He caught the ilrst jangle as the bell was lifted from the shelf and turned to enter tho house, but just then there was a Bcream from tho road, and he turned to Bee a girl endeavoring to beat off the farm dog, whose muddy paws had al ready left their Imprint upon her dainty skirts. Something in her pose caught Fabi an's fancy, and he went racing down across the grass plot to her rescue, OARLO PICKED OUT T[IH SHORTEST ROUTE TO TUE HACK YAIiD. whistling to the dog as he went But Carlo was determined to make friends with the girl and paid no attention to the calls until Fabian's hand rested heavily upon his collar and the toe of Fabian's boot emphasized lightly the Indiscretion of accosting strange young women on tho public highway. "He's a dear old thing," smiled tho girl as Carlo picked out the shortest route to the buck yard, his tall tucked lnglorlously between his legs. "I sup pose It is more my fault than his. I walk down to the postoffice every morning, and 1> always barks his 'Good morning," but today he seemed to want to shake hands, and he did not realize how dirty his paws were. You won't punish him, please." "He's not mine to punish," 6ald Fa bian absently. He was thinking not of Carlo, but the girl. No woman had ever made strong appeal to him be fore, but he felt dazed In the presence of this radiant girl with the gentle eyes and the smile that made the whole landscape seem brighter. He was on his knees in the road now, trying to re move the worst of the muddy paw prints with his handkerchief. It was a clumsy effort, for he only made smudges worse, and with a laughing word of thanks the girl stopped him. "It will be all right when It dries," she said, with her wonderful smile. "You are very kind, but It really does not matter. By the time I get back 'mm thu village it will be all rierht jt» just a utile wasu sain anyway, and a trip to the laundry will remove all traces of the dog's impetuosity." With a nod aud another smile she started down the road, and presently Fabian pulled himself together and went into his delayed breakfast. He sat In a trance through hLs brief meal and hurried back to the piazza. After breakfast it was his custom to road the morning paper, uut he sat with it in hie hand this morning and did not even scan the headlines. He was watching the road for the glint of a whits dress, and when It came In sight far down the road be strolled to the gate with an elaborate assump tion of carelessness and was leaning against the fence as the girl came up. The dried mud had been shaken from her dress, and with a smile she called his attention to the fact. "You see it's all right," she declared. "But I think you need a guard," he declared, with sudden bravery that startled him. "With your permission, I will form an escort to ward oft dogs, dragons and other Insects." He fell Into step beside her before she could refuse, and they walked hrlaklv on Fnhian wondered If It possible that she had been going pas. the farm every morning while be ww at breakfast and without his knowl edge. It seemed now as though he could feel her presence through storui walls. Never having been in love j before, he was swinging the length of 1 Cupid's pendulum, and he exerted him self to be entertaining. So well did he succeed that when he reached the gate of Oien farm, all to soon, Miss j Semple agreed togo for a walk in the afternoon. Fabian went Into the house with I her that Kerr, whom he had met the i year bef» -e, might complete the Intro duction more formally, and even smiled when Kerr introduced him as "the human time table," with a laugh lug dlssertntlon upon the exactness of his habits. The rest of Fabian's morning sched ule was completely upset, though he returned to Itrook farm and there was nothing to Interrupt the even ' tenor of bis routine save his thoughts, lie could only pace the plazxa and think that Marcia Semple was to walk with him that afternoon. The hours dragged interminably, but at last he could with decency present himself, and together they started for the falls. "How much time have we?" said Mr.rcia as they started out. "Sir. Kerr warned me that you had probably al lotted a certain time to our walk ami that this must not lie exceeded." "Kerr," said Fabian viciously, "suf- ; fers from softening of the brain. We are going to make this walk Just as long as we possibly can." Marcia laughed her rippling laugh that seemed to Fabian the most divine music he had ever beard, but she re turned to the subject again when they had reached the falls and were sitting on the mossy bank for a rest. "Impulse is better than system," she declared. "Now, suppose that you had not followed impulse, but had gone Into breakfast. I should not have known you and should have lost a de lightful walk." "The argument is most potent," he said gravely. "Behold In me a back slider from system." "Time will tell," she declared. "We shall see." But time told strongly in Fabian's favor. To hasten the cure ho went to an opposite extreme. Instead of the most regular life he led the most er ratic existence, aided and abetted by Mareia. The day before his return to town she declared his cure complete. "You have not done a single thing today at the time you usually do It," j she declared as they leaned over the bridge that spanned the tiny stream and let their eyes feast upon the moon lit landscape. "You did not even have dinner." "Yes, the cure Is complete," he said. "I think I rather like doing what I j want to do Instead of following a well ordered plan. But you have got me Into worse trouble." Mareia did not answer. Iler eyes fol lowed the ripple of moonlight across the water, and the band that rested upon the railing gripped the wood more tightly. "You should ask what the trouble Is," he said after a moment. "Then I should tell you that instead of a sched ule the most important thing in life is you. You have lifted me out of my humdrum existence Into the new world of love, dear. Is there hope that some day my love will be returned?" "I think I had better say yes," she said, with a happy little laugh. "It will insure the permanency of the cure." "And do you love me a little? - ' lie asked humbly. A soft little hand stole into his. "Pick, dear," she said softl} - , "why else should 1 have worked so for your cure?" BLIND MAN'S BUFF. Origin of This Favorite Sport of Child hood and Youth. This favorite sport of childhood and youth is of French origin aud very high antiquity, having been introduced into ! England m the train of the Norman j conquerors. Its French name, "Colin Maillard," was that of a bravo war- j rlor, the memory of whose exploits still lives in the chronicles of the mid- i die ages. In the year 900 I.iege reckoned j among its valiant chiefs one Jean Colin. He acquired the name of .Maillard from his chosen weapon being a mallet, wherewith In fight he used to crush his opponents. In one of the feuds which were of perpetual recurrence In those times he encountered the Count de Louraln In a pitched battle, and, so runs the story, in the first onset Colin Maillard lost both his eyes. He or-1 dered his esquire to take him into the | thickest of the fight, and, furiously j brandishing his mallet, did such fearful | execution that victory soon declared Itself for him. When Robert of France heard of these feats at arms he lavished favor and honors upon Colin, aud so great was the fame of the exploit that it was commemorated In the pantomimic representations that formed part of the rude dramatic performances of the age. By degrees the children learned to act It for themselves, aud It took the form of a familiar sport. The blindfolded pursuer as, with band aged eyes and extended hands, he gropes for n victim to pounce upon seems in some degree to repeat the ac tion of Colin Maillard, the tradition of which is also traceable In the name, blind man's buff. Looking After Number One. TJje seedy actor shuffled his feet aud looked into his hat apologetically. He laughed conscientiously at the joke the manager made, but it was a hollow laugh. In fact, Mr. Perkins, otherwise Claude Cremorne, juvenile lead, felt hollow generally, particularly In the part which should have contained his dinner. "A sovereign on account of my Bal ery would l>e of inestimable service to me just now," he murmured to the manager. "You can deduct it at the end of the week, you know." "Ah, yes, dear old darling fellow," said the manager benlgnantly, "that's all very well, don't you know. But the difficult}' comes In here. Moet likely I •han't be able to pay any salaries at all at the end of the week, and If I gfcee yon a sovereign now where should 1 be tbtn? No, be dear boy." I CORTHELL'S | | HEALTH CURE J j By W. F. BRYAN H' £ Copyrighted, 1807, by C. H. Sotcllffe. ! cortbeil strode along briskly. The clear morning air, the bright sunlight and the fertile fields bordering ou the road were all a source of delight to him. Not iu years had he eujoyed a meal as much as he had the homely break fast provided at the little country ho tel where he had put up the night be fore and where he had left the trunk that held his city clothes. Now in a well worn suit he was tramping along the dusty road with much the same feeling as that enjoyed by a boy who plays hookey from school for the first time. In years Corthell had not felt Justi fied In taking a vacation. Finally through a combination of circum stances he had been able to get to gether some capital, and by unremit ting effort this had been doubled and trebled Into the fortune that made him prominent In the money market. Then came the breakdown. The fa mous specialist In nervous diseases insisted upon a vacation. "It's either a few weeks' vacation or years in an Insane asylum," he said bluntly. "You know best which you want. Make your own choice." In the end Corthell !iad capitulated and hud suggested Newport as the place for a vacation. The specialist regarded him with disgust. "I think I should have saved time by sending you to the asylum first," he said. He was paid $25 for a consulta tion and could afford to say what he pleased. "You get an old suit and a comfortable pnlr of shoes and take a walking tour. Don't goto any place where you are liable to meet friends. I know just the route. I will send you a rond map." E<? bowed Corthell out. Three days lnti'r the broker was set down in a tiny hamlet in the northern part of the state, and this wus the first day of his trip. He had slopped to watch some men haying, when one of them came to ward him. "Looking for a job?" he demanded. Corthell laughed. "I don't know that I am," he answered. "I was going farther on." "I'll give a dollar and a half a day to drive one of the rakes," he offered. "Know how to drive?" Corthell smiled. His team of bays had a dozen blue ribbons to their credit. "I can drive some." he admitted. "Jump up and drive that rake then," was the man's curt answer, and, to ; "I SUPPOSE I SHAM. BE THHOUGH ll* THE ENl> OK THE WEEK,'' SAIIJ HE. bis surprise, Corthell found himself climbing the fence aud moving toward the horse rake. It seemed ages since he liud per formed similar services on his father's farm. The bony horse he was driving bore little resemblance to his own prize winners, but he derived more real pleasure from the task than had ever come from a spin along the boule vard. He was surprised at the flight of time when the born blew for dinner. He was still more surprised at the appetite he had for the pork and pota toes that formed the menu. He ac cepted two helpings and stll! had room for a generous cut of the green apple pie. In the afternoon he was expected to help pitch the sweet scented hay upon the cart. He worked until the mus cles of his back were sore and smart ing, but gave no sign of his distress, only worked nway with clinched teeth. When at last the men knocked off and me mini loan sutneU to tne uaru tie heaved a sigh of relief. Most of the men were from nearby farms, and these were paid off and started for their own homes. Corthell was the lllst of the line, and the farm er paused. "I won't take anything off for the time before you came," he said. "Want to stay on till hayin's over?" Corthell nodded. "I guess i will," he agreed. "Work seems to agree with me." "Come on up to supper," ordered the farmer. "I guess mother can fix you up with a place over the wood shed." Corthell followed his grim employer across the fields, wondering what his town associates would say conld they know that he had hired out for a dol lar and a half a day. There were only three of the men at supper, and Mrs. Hinder, with her daughter Ituth. sat down to the table with them. lUith had been busy in the kitchen during the noon meal, wh"e her mother had served. At ■lf of her Corthell was more than ev> <lad he had taken the job. ) h reminded him of the UttVe girl w. had been his first boyish sweet he She bad died just after be had »«. umi tn th«» abooro tion of business he had come to dlvlff women into two classes—stenographers and scrubwomen. For the first time in years he felt more than a passing interest in a woman, and when he and Ruth sat on the steps he rested his tired body against the railing nnd chat ted until bedtime. Ituth, he learned, taught school In winter, and, further, she was a gradu ate of a well known woman's college. She, on her side, recognized In him a person better educated than the other farm hands and plainly showed her Interest. The next few days Corthell tolled from daybreak to sundown for the sake of those quiet evenings In the summer dusk, and love grew rapidly In their hearts. Each found In the other traits to admire, and Corthell watched with dread the progress of the harvest. In a few days only the regular hired man wot'd be needed, and this knowledge gav 1 Corthell courage to speak. Taey were leaning over the top rail of the fence that lay beside the road. Mrs. Binder, who was the organist at the village church, was practicing the Sunday music at the cheap organ In the parlor. The old familiar hymns were softened by distance and roused in Corthell a flood of memories. " 1 "I suppose I shall be throw' the end of the week." said he. "Will you be sorry?" "You know that," she said simply. "I shall be very sorry. Will you?" "I hope I shall not have to be very sorry," he whispered. "I hope to carry with me your promise that I may com. v for you again. Will you promise, dear? I know 1 am almost a stranger, but I love you, sweetheart. Can you trust me?" "I do trust you," she said. "When you have made a home for me, come for me. Do not lie discouraged if the struggle is hard. I will wait patiently until you get a start, and then wc can fight the world together," She put her hand trustingly in his, and the brown head aud the ono whose black hair was slightly streaked' with gray drew together. "Nice doings," snorted Iliram Bind er, as he stepped forth from the shad ows. "Haven't you more pride, Ruth, than to fall iu love with a tramping farm hand, and after all the education I've given you? Why, you could mar ry a man with a farm of his own." "I'd rather marry the man I love," Ruth said stoutly. "I have told Will that I will marry him when he can make a home for me, and I mean It." Binder blinked. Ruth had inherited from him the stubbornness that was tradition in that part of the country, and he knew that she meant what she said. "You'll have to wait for a long time," he said with a sneer, as he turned away to cover his defeat. "He's got $24 coinln' to him to start with." "I think I can manage it," inter , rupted Corthell with a happy laugh. "You see $24 added to about SIOO,OOO makes about $100,024. I ought to be able to start a home on that." "You ain't that Corthell?" demanded Binder with an emphasis that showed that lie read the papers. "What are you doiu' here?" "Looking for health and a wife," he answered, "and I've found both." He watched his father-in-law-to-be stump across the grass to the house, then lie turned to tile girl. "You don't mind, do you. Ruth? It will not make any difference will it?" "Not In my love," she answered sim ply, "but 1 would rather have made the fight with you." A REALISTIC ACT. Amusing Story of Joseph Jefferson as Rip Van Winkle. While he was playing Rip Van Win kle at Chicago Joseph Jefferson once went to the theater very much exhaust ed by a long day's fishing on the lake. . As the curtain rose on the third act It disclosed the white haired Rip still deep In his twenty years' nap. Five, ten, twenty minutes passed, and he did not awaken. The audience began to get impatient nnd the prompter uneasy. The great detor doubtless knew what he was about, but this was carrying the realistic business too far. The fact was that all this time Jefferson was really sleeping the sleep of the just, or, rather, of the fisherman who had sat eight hours in the sun. Finally the gallery became uproarious, and one of the "gods" wanted to know if there was going to be "nineteen years more of this snooze business!" At this point Jefferson began to snore. This decided the prompter, who opened a small trap beneath the stage and began to prod Rip from below. The fagged comedian fumbled in his pocket for an Imaginary railway ticket and muttered drowsily, "Going right through, 'ductor." At this entirely new reading the au dience was transfixed with amazement, when all at once Jefferson sat up with a loud shriek, evidently in agony. The exasperated prompter had jabbed him with a pin. Consciousness of the sit uation came to him, and the play went on after that with a rush. Getting an Opening. A man had a story about a gun which he delivered himself of upon all occasions. At a dinner party one even ing he writhed in his chair for over an hour, waiting for a chance to Intro duce his story, but no opportunity presented itself. Finally he slipped a coin Into the hand of a waiter and whispered: "When you leave the room again, slam the door." The waiter slammed the door as di rected. and the man sprang to his feet, with the exclamation: "What's that noise—a gun?" "Oh, no!" resumed his host. "It was only the door." "Ah, I see! Well, speaking of guns reminds me of a little story," etc. Position With a Pull, Visitor I understand that our friend Stuckup has got a position with a pull to it at last? Residenter—That's right. By means of a rope he helps to yank cattle to slaughter In an abattoir. — Morrlstown Times. Always at It. Mrs. Pease—My husband nnd I nev er dispute before the children. Wt always send them out when a'quarrei seems Imminent. Kiss.Sharp -Ah, I've often wondered*svhy they're •o'tomcb in the street! A MESSAGE FROM MARS. ' Hi« Proof That the Planet Was 'inhab ited and Civilized. Ebenraer was driving Ills master's plow straight and true, but none the less With u thoughtful air, as though his thoughts were elsewhere. And so they were; they were souring far aloft above the plow and the brown earth turned up as to reach Mars. The previous evening Ebenezer had attended a lecture at the village - room 011 "The Heavens," an<l what the lecturer had said about Mars being In habited profoundly Impressed Eben ezer. As he mechanically guided his korses und his plow something struck Kilni suddenly on the head, and he dropped senseless to the ground. A balloonist passing overhead had acci dentally dropped an empty whisky bot tle upon Kbenezer's fortunnt ,y thick skull. When he recovered conscious ness the balloon had passed out of sight, but the cut on his head and the blood stained I Kittle at his feet lei. Ined. Kbenezer gasped In amaze—eut and uwe as he gazed all ar the wide brown fields and t l '. bl ky above. Then he picked up the bottle and smelled at It and at once deserted his team in great excitement and set off posthaste for the vicarage. "I mun tell vicar Mar- be 'nabited right enough." he mutte ed. "Civil ized, too; they drinks whisky."— Lon don Express. A FASHION FROM WAR. How Flat Watches Took Place of the Old Time "Turnips." When the neat man ttrfres unto him self a watch as thin as parchment he little thinks that that thin watch re sults from army regulations. TTp to the time of the allies taking Paris the ordinary fvatch was convex in shape and called from its outline a "turnip." The oflicers of the Russian and other armies objected to this be cause its bulbous form made the uni form of a man 011 parade look untidy, whether It were carried in the coat or the fob. In Paris, however, they found that the watchmakers of the Palais Royal had contrived a chronometer which got over the difficulty. Flat watches were the fashion In Paris. The English when they ap peared In the streets of the French capital marched in not In gala dress such as the others wore, but in the raiment which they had worn on cam paign. Great was the Impression which their habiliments created, but they at once adopted the smart flat watch and brought It back to England for our own manufacturers to copy.— London Standard. A Ready Answer. When George Francis Train was giv ing evidence before the metropolitan board of aldermen of London in favor of his scheme for laying a tramway up Ltidgate hill, a noble lord among his interlocutors suddenly fixed the old pioneer with his monocle and sa ! I: "May I—ah—ask a question, Mr.—ah —Train?" "That Is what I am bore for, my lord," he replied. "You know, of course, how very nar row is Ludgate hill. Suppose that when I go down to the Mansion ITouse in my carriage one of my horses should slip 011 your rails and break his leg. would you pay for the horse?" The reply came like a flash. "My lord, if you could convince mo that your horse would not have fallen if the rails had not been there I certainly should pay."—Harper's Weekly. Tit For Tat. "A United Stat -s senator," said a young physician, "addressed the class I was graduated from on ourcommence inont day. He advised us in this ad dress to lie broad and generous In our views. He said he once saw two fa mous physicians Irtrodueed at a re ception. They were deservedly fa mous. but they were of opposing schools, and the regular, as ha shook the other by the hand, said softly: " 'I aui glad to meet you as a gen tleman. sir. though I can't admit that you are a physician." "'And I.' said the hotneopathist, smiling faintly, 'am glad to meet you as a physician, though I cau't admit you are a gentleman." " The Elevator Eyes. One of the greatest hardships suffer ed by men who run elevators in the tall office buildings downtown is the bad effect it has on their eyes. The cars are run at a high rate of speed, and, as the men have to look straight ahead of them most of the time, their eyes soon feel the strain of the con stant motion. "I've worked in the subway," re marked one of these elevator men, "and I thought that was pretty bad, but It isn't a patch to the way iny eyes feel after a day's work in these cars. If you ever run across an ele vator man who seems unusually bad tempered toward the close of the busi ness day, just look at his eyes and you will be apt to forgive him. They gen erally show the strain that has been put on them for eight or ten hours."— New York Press. IDG Iff! A Flellabl© TO SHOP Tor ail kind of Tin Roofing, Spoutlne and Canoral Job Work. Stoves. Heatora, It an 40 a, Furnace®, oto- PRICES THE LOWEST! QUALITY TEH BEST! JOHN HIXSOJN NO. 1M E. FRONT BT.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers