I
RAILROAD TIME TABLES.
Pknn'a K. K.
EAST. WBST
7.11 A. M. 9.11 A. M.
1U.17 '• 12 15 P. M.
2.21 P. M. 4Si "
5.50 11 7.51 "
.SUNDAYS.
10.17 A. M. <.SI P. M.
D. L,. AW. K. .
EAST. WEST.
d.57 A. M.O» A. M.
1U.19 " 12.47 P. M.
•ill P. M. 4.55 "
5.51 '• 8.«) "
SUNDAYS
H. 57 A. M. 12.47 P.M.
5:51 P M ri 411 "
I'll ILA * HEADING R. K.
NORTH. SOUTH.
7.82 A. M 11.24 A. M.
4,Utl P M. 6.05 P. M.
BLOOM fe'I'KKKT.
7.U A. M. 11.22 A. M.
4.(12 I'. M H. 04 P. M.
J. J. BROWN,
THE EYE A SPECIALTY
Kyes tested, treated, titled with
mii artificial eyes supplied.
M.irket Street, Bloomsburg, Pa.
Hours—lo h in.to r» pin.
Telephone 1430.
SHORT STORIES.
Thirty-five foreign countries have dip
lomatic representatives in Washington.
Baltimore has now fewer than 80,000
colored inhabitants and Louisville few
er than 40.000 St. Louis has 35,000.
The largest ships ever launched from
an American shipyard are the Korea
and Siberia, built at Newport News for
tbe transpacific trade.
A member of the National Fisb Cul
ture association suggests that land un
suitable for agricultural purposes
might be converted into fishponds.
A Williamsburg (N. Y.) man had a
premonition that he was about to die.
He at once proceeded to purchase an
urn and ordered his body to be cremat
ed. Teu minutes later the man ex
pired.
FRUITS AND FLOWERS.
It is a very important Item to keep
bouse plants clean and free from dust.
Giving the poultry the run of the
plum orchard will aid materially in
keeping down the curculio.
Whatever fertilizers are used in the
orchard should be spread all over the
surface and not around the stems of
the trees.
One of the best usee to be made of
tbe soapsuds Is to pour them around
the fruit trees of any kind or on the
garden.
Wood ashes, whether fresh or leach
ed, are valuable for all kinds of fruit
trees and for most garden crops a 9
well. They contain potash.
A Doctor's Bad Plight.
"Two years ago. as a result of a se
rious cold, I lost my voice." writes Dr.
M. L. Scarbrough, of Hebron, Ohio,
"then began an obstinate cough. Every
remedy known to me as it practicing
physician for 3."» years,failed,and I daily
grew worse. Being urged to try Dr.
King's New Discovery for Consumption,
Coughs and Colds, 1 fonnd quick relief,
and for the last'ten days have felt bette
than for two years." Positively guar
anteed for Throat and Lung troubles by
Panles & Co. ">oc and SI.OO. Trial bot
tles free.
GERMAN ARMY OFFICERS.
lhr Ab)rrt DHrrnor Skowm Thmm
by Ctrllijuk* 'la 4bmlb(.
The respect and deference ahown»to
the German army officer on duty and
off duty by his countrymen are won
deiful to sec, according to a London
vvi iter. "Civilians, even compatriot*
of distinction. ou entering the dining
room bow to him with formal humility.
He acknowledges tbe obeisance® only
with a rigid glare of haughty lndtffer
ence. though he is politely conartoua of
the coming and going of ladle*. The
German civilian does not appear to be
surprised at or to resent con
temptuously ignored by hlxn, but rec
ognizes him and looks up to him as a
superior member of a superior race
and continues to make his obeisances,
however loftily they are ignored.
"But. while the officer la unable to
s*-e the civilian at whom he is looking
point blank, he never misses observ
ing the entrance and acknowledging
the salute of another of his own race.
He rises from his seat and stands stiff
and erect while the newcomer ad
vances and exchanges formal bows
and greetings, and as he recovers the
erect position from the bow he brings
his heels together with a sharp parade
click and waits until his superior baa
taken a seat before he resumes his
own."
There were tremendous ceremonies
in eating and drinking, too, especially
in drinking. "Each table group lifted
their glasses invariably together, as if
at the word of command, taking their
time apparently from the senior pres
ent Having seized their glasses to
gether and raised them together and
simultaneously drunk, they would
sumultaneously finish and then, hold
ing their glasses before them, would
with great ceremony bow to one
another before replacing them on
the table. It did not matter whether
they were drinking beer or claret or
ilie German champagne, which seems
to be the especially smart thing to
take, there was the same ceremony.
When a senior officer went out of the
room, all the juniors present rose to
stiff attention and bowed as he passed.
H lieu a junior rose, he made the round
of the table on his way to the door and
bowed separately, with a spur jingling
heel click ovwy time to every other
otfiver."
PROOr ENOUGH.
A Mother's Statement of a Tine Result A
Weak Nervous Little one Made
Stroug anil Vigoroua.
Mrs J E. Daniels of No. 40H W. Mah
oning street, Danville Pa , nays "My
little girl Leah 12 years old has been
vnry poorly and nervous for a long time
and last winter was so bad that I had
to keep her out Of school. 1 got some of
Dr. A W < base s Nerve Pills at. < Josh's
drug store and gave her some of them.
They strengthened her wonderfully,re
lieved the headaches and she rested so
much better.
Dr A W < base's Nerve Pills are
sold at ">Oc a box »t. dealers or Dr A.
W Chase Medicine Co., Buffalo, N. Y
See that portrait and signature of A W.
Chase. M. D are on every package.
tt tt tt tt tt tt tt
0 & & &
« ADVENTURE
ON THIN ICE
tt tt tt tt it tt tt
TIIEY were standing on tlio
north shore of Cralgle's pond,
and Ripley said:
"I'd agree to ride across
there ou a load of bricks. It
is ridiculous for your uncle to say that
the ice is not strong "
He addressed Miss Allen. Indeed,
he bad not spoken a dozen words di
rectly to John Kemp in half a mile
that the three had walked together.
"Cralgle's pond," remarked Kemp,
also studiously addressing the girl, "is
a mighty uncertain piece of water.
When in doubt, don't go near it. That,
is the way to keep dry."
He was a native of those parts, and
the other two were visitors, Ripley
fr\>m Maine, where ice may be relied
upon, and Gertrude Allen from Bos
ton, where any policeman will tell you
whether tbe pond on the Common will
"bear."
Ripley was known to be a wonderful
skater, and Kemp would have been
sorry to see his rival exhibit the art in
the presence of Miss Allen. He him
self, though "a fine flgger of a man,"
as they say in those parts, was more
remarkable for strength than grace,
while Ripley was built like a thorough
bred race horse.
As for Gertrude, throughout the past
week, when there had been so much
talk about skating, she had modestly
or perhaps shrewdly neglected to men
tion that she was anything more than
a plain, straightaway skater, whereas
in reality she entertained a notion that
she might be able to show even the
distinguished Mr. Ripley a few points
in the game. Hut she must do it that
day or not at all, for sue would return
to her home on the morrow.
"This Ice looks strong euougb," said
Ripley, descending the bank. "It's
queer stuff, though," he added, step
ping gingerly out upon it; "dull to the
eye and perfectly opaque, like a gray
stone. I wonder how deep the water
Is here?"
He was about thirty yards from the
bank.
"There's a hundred feet of water un
der you," said Kemp.
Ripley shied toward the bank invol
untarily. and then, ashamed of himself j
and enraged at Kemp's laughter, he
strode out to where a strange looking,
flat, black rock, about as big as the
top of a chimney, rose a few inches ,
from the level of the pond.
"That's what we call the smoke- j
stack," said Kemp. "It comes up very j
6teep from the bottom of the pond and j
JOINED HANDS IN GRACE!XX, I'AS DE DEL X
must be all of forty feet high. It's one
of the wouders of Cralgle's pond, and !
there are plenty more."
Ripley walked slowly ashore. He was
much In doubt about the ice. It was
thin; that was the truth about it, and j
it did not look right. Unfortunately, j
however, the experiment had satisfied
Gertrude as to the pond's safety. She !
expressed no definite opinion about it, 1
however, as they strolled back to her
uncle's house, but she cleverly stimu
lated Ripley's desire to show what he
could do on skates.
The result was just what she expect- !
ed. He confided to her that lie should j
go out to the pond secretly that after !
noon, and she said that she would go J
with him.
To do Ripley justice, he had no no
tion that Gertrude would go upon the
Ice, and he was amazed when they
reached the pond to see her produce a
pair of skates from a bag which he j
had supposed contained only luncheon. '
"I can't let you go out there," he ex
claimed. "I've a right to risk my own ,
life, which, by the way. has become |
worthless on account of your outra- !
geous flirtation with Jack Kemp"—
"Put my skates ou for me, and don't |
be eilly," said Gertrude.
He compiled, protesting, and then he
adjusted his own. Gertrude promised
to stand close to the shore, and she did
so for about two minutes Then, ju<t
as Ripley concluded a bit of outer edge
work which he considered rather good,
she glided out upon the ice with the
grace »t ■. snow wraith borne bv the
wiud
Ripley \'i a - an expert and a judge of i
the ait. a;i.l befoiv t'je girl had taken j
a dozen stiokes h<> knew that lie was [
In the pie« ii •i! is peei Her grace j
Intoxicated bin.; lie forgot whether the j
lev vv:i- a:i .j.-1 s thick or a yard. He 1
wa> ,iii- 'li.uv only of a high, inspiring j
emu la i i< II
They nude a handsome pair beyond
a doubt, .iiid Kemp would have had a
bail half hour could lie have seen them. I
They exhibited their in turn and j
iu the Intervals of the contest joined !
hands in graceful pas de deux.
It was when they \yere occupied with !
one of these ice dances and had worked j
out fur from the shore that Cralgie's |
pond suddenly revealed to them a full
knowledge of Its character. The ice be- j
ueutii them gave forth a sound like a ;
gasp. Ripley, who was skating back- j
ward, felt himself sinking. In the !
flash of time that was allowed him i
and with the last effort of which he i
was capable lie put his strength upon J
Gertrude's hands, throwing her to one
side, In the direction of the shore.
She did not fall, and by a miracle she
escaped the break in the ice. Ripley
went through ami into the water, head
and heels - , but lie rose iu the break by
great good fortune and to his unspeak
able Joy beheld Gertrude safe.
"Keep back!" he called to her. "I'll
get out all n„iit. Co ashore!"
She stood lujt where she was, facing
8 tt tt tt tt tt »
? t:
: ..8v... :
: HOWARD H£LDIN(i :
j tt
Copyright, 1901,
; By Cb& r '«s W. HooKe
• • ♦♦
♦♦ ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦ ♦♦
♦♦ ♦♦ ♦♦ ♦♦ ♦♦ ♦♦
hiui and trembling so that he could see
her quake. She uttered some faint,
strange cries, in the nature of prayers,
perhaps, and certainly not loud enough
to be heard except In heaven. But she
neither lied nor came to the rescue, as
he had feared she might.
Any one who has ever tried to get out
of a hole in thin ice will realize Rip
ley's position. The first efforts are
indescribably exhausting, and black
despair comes quickly ou the heels of
them.
The ice broke before him, and long
cracks stretched out ahead. i hey
stretched toward Gertrude, and lie
cried out to her in horror to save her
self, but she stood stock still, lor his
life be would not risk involving her in
lils own peril, and he turned aside.
Then, by the interposition of Provi
dence, be came upon a loug fence rail
frozen into the ice. It gave him a hold
for his hands and lent a little stability
to the crumbling edge. Ripley was a
light man and phenomenally agile;
moreover, he v.as one whom danger
makes calm. He had a chance for his
life, and he made the most of it.in
three seconds he was lying flat upon
the ice outside tbe break.
i : i I
L -
"WELL, MISS ALLEN. HOW DO YOU LIKE
CUAIUIE S POND? "
With great caution he got upon his
feet and struck out toward Gertrude.
The ice cracked under him. Cralgie's
pond was showing what it could do.
"Come!" be cried, seizing the girl's
hand. "Tbe whole pond's breaking up! I
What's the matter?"
"My—my knees!" gasped Gertrude. 1
"They—they tremble so!"
The jK)or child was experiencing one
of the many strange phenomena of
fear. Her soul acknowledged no panic,
but she could not put forth one fool 1
beyond the other to save her life or i
even to save his. As he paused beside (
her she began to sink down, and the
ice cracked around them with the solt
ly menacing voice of doom.
He put his right arm around her. j
and the ice groaned under them. For ;
the next few seconds it seemed to him '
that he was skating ou water rather
thuu Ice. He knew that with this bur
den he could never reach the shore; he
knew that to sink with her was the j
cud for both of them And then the
black top of that strange rock called '
the "smokestack" seemed to start up
under his eyes. His right skate cut
dean through. He stumbled, recovered
himself and stood gasping ou the rock
with Gertrude in his arms.
He set her upon her feet and, holding
her by the shoulders, looked Into her
face with an excellent imitation of a
smile.
"Well, Miss Allen," said he. "how do
you like Cralgie's pond?"
The manner of this singular question
went far toward calming her, and the
rock under her feet lent firmness to
her limbs.
"Was there ever anything so awful!"
she cried.
"Since you don't seem to like it,"he
rejoined, "1 suggest that we go ashore."
"I don't dare," said she. with a shud
der. "and I can't. 1 haven't the
strength."
"But we've tried the ice there. We
mow it's strong," said he. "Don't be
afraid."
He stepped off the rock and extended
his baud to her. Slit? held back. He
gently drew her forward, and the next
instant they both scrambled to the
smokestack again, while in the place !
where they had stood appeared au om- 1
inous marking upon the ice like a great
spider's web.
"I'll tell you what's a fact. Miss Al- ■
leu," said the young man, with an ef- I
fort to be conventional, "it's a warm
day, and this ice is inciting faster than \
any ice I ever saw before. Upon my j
soul," he added, "it's beginning to j
rain!"
In fact, some drops fell from the lead
en sky upon his outstretched hand. |
Gertrude caught him by the arm.
"Do you realize what that meansV" j
she cried. "We shall have to stay here
forever!"
"Well, it mightn't be more than two i
or three weeks." said he cheerfully. |
"This weather can't last always. And 1
with you for company"— *
"Do you suppose it would do any
good to scream?" she asked suddenly.
"Let's try."
"I'd be ashamed," said he, glancing
at the shore as if he feared detection,
and at that moment the bulky form of
Jack Kemp appeared in the path be
tween the spruces.
For fully half a minute Kemp stared
at them, and not a word was spoken
Then he called in a voice that seemed
inappropriate to the seriousness of the
occasion:
"I say! What are you two doing out
there?"
"We're waiting for a cold snap," re
plied Ripley pleasantly.
"We've been skating, and the ice is
all melting, and we can't get ashore."
said Gertrude.
Kemp took a seat on a rock.
"The way the ice melts iu Cralgie's
pond," said he "is scandalous It is
said to be due to a peculiar geological :
formation which l> i- warm water into
tliis pond from the lower regions of
the earth. A Harvard professor was
up here one time, and he told me"—
"A little less geology and a little
more assistance, Mr. Kemp," said Rip- ,
ley, "would seem to meet the require- j
ments of the present situation."
Kemp took a cigar out of ills pocket
snd slowlv lighted it I
if ' J
"This is a hard proposition," ho said.
"I must think It over. If Miss Allen
had taken the advice of sensible peo
i pie"—
Ripley, glancing at Gertrude, per
ceived that her face was crimson.
"I can't stand it either," he said, j
"Shall we make a dash? The ice will ;
surely hold if we go fast."
She nodded and took his hand. The i
r.fxt instant they were skimming to- j
ward the shore. But in that very spot ,
where Kipley had stood in the morning ;
when Kemp had startled him with !
mention of the great depth below Ger
trude was seized once more with un- I
controllable trembling.
Feeling that she would fall. Ripley
drew her toward him involuntarily,
while his speed Was checked. And then
he felt the ice sinking under thein.
Strangely, there seemed to be plenty of
time and yet not time enough to move.
Ripley's arm was arouud her; his face
was close to hers. She clasped him
suddenly, but not with the clutch of
fear. lie knew it in that instant for
the last impulse of her heart, fur an
embrace excused—hallowed, indeed—by
the near pi . r-f dpfitb.
And then Uiey sioou lugeiiier, blood
in water not over a foot deep, stood,
heaven knows how lorn'. in that ridicu
lous position, trying to realize that they
were still a part of this terrestrial
scheme.
"Kemp, you scoundrel," cried Ripley
as he waded ashore with Gertrude in
his arms. "I thought you said there
was a hundred feet of water there!"
"Did I?" said Kemp calmly. "I must
have meant the other side of the pond.
This side is as flat as your hand out to
that rock and beyond it. But, you see.
I wanted to scare you, and I did it too.
That rock, by the way, is about as tall
as a good sized trunk."
"And the shoal water extends be
yond it?" gasped Ripley. "How far?"
"Almost to the deep hole where you
took your bath."
Ripley pressed his hand to his fore
head.
"You're a wonderfully lucky liar.
Jack Kemp." said lie. "1 died a thou
" • 1
BTOOI> IN WATER NOT OVEK A FOOT I'EEP
i sand deaths with this blessed child in
my arms before I reached that rock.
1 And it seems that about VKH) of them
were unnecessary.
"But 1 lived a thousand lives." he
added, turning to Gertrude, "while we
were sinking together afterward."
"And 1 a thousand also," she whis
pered.
Kemp looked at them wide eyed;
then, all in an instant, the color went
out uf his lace, and the breath out of
hU» lungs with a sound like a great sob.
NOTES OF NOTABLES,
The president works hard, but does
not show it. He takes daily exercise.
Charles L. Hutchinson, the million
aire banker of Chicago, has been a
I church worker and a Sunday school su
perintendeut for the past twenty-four
years.
Mrs. David B. Stamp of Finehville,
N. V., who celebrated her one hundred
and eighth birthday recently, lived at
Fislikill when Robert Fulton's steam
boat made its first trip.
Frank Muiock of Berlin, Wis., has
offered the Milwaukee committee who
will erect a monument to Kosciusko
the granite base for the statue, which
he will quarry from his farm.
Mir sea S. K. Nweeya, the I'ersian stu
dent who is takiug a course iu medi
cine at a college in Indianapolis, is an
applicant for the position of consul
general to the United States from I'er
-1 sia.
S. C. Dalrymple of Alexandria, hid.,
is the possessor of the most extensive
and unique collection of pipes in that
state. Several are hundreds of years
I old and ha\e curious and tragic histo
ries.
It was particularly noticed at the re
i cent New England dinner in Philadel
! phia that the speech of Chinese Minis
ter Wu easily outshone all the others
i so far as good English was concerned.
Among the orators of the evening were
Justice Brewer, Mr. Hamlin, Mr. Hill
J and Mr. Cock ran.
Rev. Dr. Charles Nichols, who achiev
j ed notoriety by publishing a list of
i whom he regarded as the elite of so
i ciety in the United States, has been
! overwhelmed with otters front lyeeum
j bureaus and lecturing associations to
i detiue his views of what American so
ciety should consist.
I Dr. Charles R. Henderson, president
i of the National Prison association and
i professor of sociology in the University
I of Chicago, has just returned after sev
| en months spent in Germany studying
! jails and prison conditions, examining
| cells and eating the brown bread and
I soup of tin- prisoners.
John Clews, brother of Henry Clews,
the banker, stamped a silver five cent
piece forty-six years ago with the
name and birth date of his son, John
• Clews, Jr., and at once disposed of the
I coin. The other day when his son re
j ceived change after making a purchase
lie found the stamped coin was a part
j of It.
When Lord Curzon, the viceroy of
India, travels, he is usually aecompa- j
nied by Lady Curzon and 120 attend
ants. Great precautions are taken to
insure his safety, and everything i*
done for his comfort. In southern Pun
jab the railroad line is watered to lay
the dust. At his destination he is re
ceived with extraordinary ceremony.
Urlef \n % n I
One of the briefest naval dispatches
ever penned was Captain Walton's
message to his chief. Admiral Byng,
after the defeat of the Spanish lieet
off Cape I'assaro in 1718, and it ran
thus:
Sir—l have taken and burnt :IB per nmr-
Ktn, eoiriK for Syracuse, and am, sir. your
obedient servant. J. WALTON.
j "I am told, sir, (list you spouo or
| as a common liar."
"Whoever told you that, sir, must
have I wen trying to break it to you
gently. 1 said you were a whole bu
reau ol statistics ' Chicago Tribune
HER GIANT I
FOLDING BED j
* By C. B. LOOMIS ....
V Copyright, IbOl, by C. 11. Luomi» O
It was against Mr. Bentley's advice j
that Cora bought the giant folding bed j
! They lived on the sixth floor in a small
j "five-rooms-and a-hath-steam lieated
all-improvements" flat, and he said
that such a huge folding bed was out
of all proportion to the size of the bed
room. But Mrs. Bentley had set her
heart on it, and Mr. Bentley has not
been husband so long as to feel like
thwarting any legitimate wish.
When she went down to the store,
she found she was just in time to get
one at half price. What luck! She had
expected to pay $35 for the bed, and
she got it at $25, although by what
process of arithmetic twenty-five be
comes the half of thirty-five she did
not stop to inquire.
But with the reduced price of the
bed her good luck ended, and she en
tered upon a chapter of annoyances
that would have made the bed dear as
a gratuity.
The bed people were just moving out
and were too busy to send the bed
home. Five separate expressmen re
fused to stir their wagons when they
learned that It was a giant. She begau
to wish that it was a trundle bed. But
at last an expressman who was just
starting in business and who was
therefore inexperienced contracted for
t- to deliver it.
She reflected that the salesman had
told her that it was a very convenient
size, as one side of the room did not
need to be papered when the bed was
up, for it took up the entire wall space.
So she went and waited for the bed
with nil the ardor of a small child.
Every time the dumb waiter blew she
ran out to see if they were trying tc
Bend it up that way, but when it final
ly arrived after a wait of four hours
It came in at the front door.
After ten minutes or so Mrs. Bentley
heard mastodonic footsteps on the
Btalrs, the swish of tearing wall paper,
the crash of falling globes, and she
knew that they were bringing the bed
up stairs. So did all the other fiat
dwellers. When she looked over the
staircase, there were from three to
four heads beneath her, all looking
down.
The arrival at different landings was
punctuated by the crash of glass and
the fall of plaster. And on the third
floor the bed fell on one of the men.
Luckily he was a fat German, and he
escaped with a barked shin and a mis
laid temper.
Long before that there was a string
of home returning heads of families
separated from their little ones by the
Chinese wall of a bed. Those who
were athletic enough climbed over and
escaped to their apartments, but the
rest had to content themselves with
throwing kisses to their beloved ones
and telling them not to despair.
Mrs. Bentley had not hitherto known
there were so many people living in
the house. The stairs were black with
them, and the bed moved with the de
liberation of a glacier.
When the men reached the fourth
floor, they clamored for beer, and Mrs.
Bentley, being inexperienced, sent for
two bottles, which were brought in by
the janitor's sou.
The two men sat down, or, rather, up,
way up, on the bed and opened a bottle
apiece amid groans from the belated
flat dwellers who lived above the third.
It Is probable that they had already
solaced themselves with beer, for they
became very merry and loquacious aft
er the bottles had been emptied, and
many of their jokes would not have
been allowed at a variety theater.
There is a saying that there is al
ways room at the top. This did not
prove to be the case In regard to the
giant bed. The hallway at the top fiat
Was a joint affair, two suits opening
on it, and it was the narrowest in the
building. When the men finally arriv
ed with their tremendous load, they
found that it was going to be a Chinese
puzzle to get Into Mrs. Bentley's. They
shattered the last globe and then sat
down on the stairs to ponder.
They finally came to the conclusion
that they could not get it in unless the
door of the opposite apartment were
Opened to admit of Its being slewed
around.
Mrs. Cochran was the opposite neigh
bor. She and Mrs. Bentley had been
as distant as such contiguous flat
dwellers could be. Their bows in the
hall were as icy as the hall itself. Mrs.
Cochran thought Mrs. Bentley a fool
ish little new wife, and Mrs. Bentley
thought Mrs. Cochran common.
Still, there was nothing for It but to
ask Mrs. Cochran to open her front
door and let the man swing the bed
into the doorway for just one moment.
The fat man rang her bell. She open
ed the door, with fire in her eyes. She
had been tryiug to get the youngest to
eleep, and the constant thumping and
crashing and the objurgations and
beery laughter of the expressmen had
rolled the not too placid waters of her
disposition to a foaming point.
Mrs. Cochran glowered.
"Oh!" said Mrs. Bentley, with a lias
tlly made veneer of sweetness. "May
the men just swing the bed into your
hallway so that they can get it into uiy
doorway? 1 didn't suppose it was so
big. I don't think it was so big iu the
store."
Mrs. Cochran sniffed at the inanity
of the remark, but she said:
"Oh, I suppose I can't refuse. 1
hope you'll quit your thumping after
you get it in.l can't get my child to
sleep while It's going on."
"I'm sure it will only be a minute.
You see, the worst is over."
"I should.hope..so," said Mrs. Coch
ran, looking at the dents In the wall
and the broken, globes. And then the
two expressmen put their shoulders to
the bed and swung it into the doorway
with such vehemence that it stuck
I like a fat cork iu a small bottle and rc
fused to budge.
"Well, this Is a pretty state of
tliiugs." said Mrs. Cochran from be
hind the bed. "How do you suppose
we're going to close our front door
with that great bed iu the way?"
"You von't need to close it. No one
vill come iu vhlle der bet is dere. It is
besser as a door." And the German 1
laughed uproariously and fatly
"Oh, but this Is too awful!" said
Mrs. Bentley, wringing her hands
helplessly.
"1 should think it was," came the
voice of Mrs. Cochran from the other
side of the bed.
"Is your hußband in there? Can't
he help push?" suggested Mrs. Bent
ley.
"No," snapped Mrs. Cochran. "He
hasn't come home yet, and, what's
more, he can't until this barricade is
removed How anybody but a foul
could have bought such u monstrous!
tiling I don't fe--"
At this juncture Mr. Cochran came 1
up stairs, with Mr. Bentley just be
hind him. Mr. Cochran looked puz
zled. Mr. Bentley groaned. He had
! come home too soon.
"What are you doing to the bed?"
I asked Mr. Cochran. <
"Ve ain't doin' a ting to id," said
| the fat German joyously.
Bentley and Cochran laughed, but
| Mrs. Bentley saw no humor in the re
i mark, and certainly Mrs. Cochran saw
j no funny side to the bed. Both sides
i seemed tragic to her.
"Is that you, George?" she called
out.
"Yes, it's me. Shall I come in?"
"You can't except by the fire es
cape," said Mrs. Cochran despairingly.
"What are you doing with it in the
wrong door?" asked Mr. Bentley of
the expressmen.
"Sure, 'twould have shtook as fasht
in anny dure," said the Irish express
man, and the German roared synipa
thetically.
Mr. Cochran is a man of action. I
"Here; we four men ought to be able I
to move a little be a bed. Now, alto- j
gether; pull!"
Mr. Cochran is a successful politl- i
clan, but he had the wrong kind of I
pull with him, and the only result of
the effort was that Mr. Bentley pulled
off some of the molding and fell on
his back.
Nothing daunted, Mr. Cochran said,
"Let's go around by way of the fire es
cape and push."
The two expressmen aud Mr. Coch
ran made nothing of passing from
Mrs. Bentley's parlor to Mrs. Coch
ran's parlor by the fire escape, but Mr.
Bentley is light headed and had to be
helped across by his wife. Then the
two entered the Cochran apartments,
for the first time, like thieves in the
night.
Now all six combined their strength
and pushed, but the bed only laughed
at them.
"Well, nothing more can be done |
now," said Cochran. "The bed Is here, j
and it's got to stay here for the pres
ent. Now, you men might us well go i
about your business. You've done what
you set out to do -the bed is up here
fast enough."
"How much do I owe you?" asked i
Bentley of the German.
"Two dollars. I'll sent arouut a car
penter if you vand."
"Oh, no!" said Mrs. Bentley. "He'll j
be able to move it."
Back across the fire escape was Mr.
Bentley helped by his faithful wife, .
and then they bade the Cochraus good j
night, it was such an Impossible thing j
that had happened that everybody felt \
good natured once more, just as In a ;
blizzard or a period of excessive heat i
people make light of their misfortunes
and pussersby joke one another.
Next morning immediately after ,
breakfast Mrs. Bentley went down to j
the bed company to see whether they I
could suggest a way of getting the bed j
out of Mrs. Cochran's doorway.
They had moved, and a big sign in I
the window bore the legend, "To Be i
Opened In a Few Days as a Ladies' !
Lunchroom."
For the space of two days that bed
stood in the doorway while carpenter
after carpenter came and looked at It
and shook his head and went away.
Then came oue who said: "I've seen
those beds before. They ain't worth
bothering with. The company's failed
that made them. Now, next door to
my shop is a vacant lot, and if I cut
the bed to pieces 1 guess you can
dump it there and the owner of the lot
won't mind."
Mrs. Bentley hailed the scheme as a
heaven sent proposition. Mr. Bentley
was down town, and Mrs. Cochran,
who was on the other side chatting
with her— for in spite of what had
come between them they were now
quite friendly—seconded the plan.
The carpenter borrowed an ax of the
janitor, and in a half hour's time, with
the exception or the mirror, which
was preserved intact, there was not
I square foot of the bed unbroken.
The carpenter sent the pieces down on
the dumb waiter and then took them
away and presumably dumped them.
Mrs. Cochran spent five minutes shut
ting and opening the door. It was so
pleasant to be able to do it again.
Then Mrs. Bentley invited her neigh
bor into her flat and apologized for
making so much trouble.
"It was no trouble at all, my dear.
It has made something to talk about."
Now, Mr. Bentley seemed to tldnk
that !f-5 for the bed, $1! for delivery
and $lO for damage to the hallways,
together with the charge of the car
penter for the time it took him to de
stroy the bed, was rather a large
amount to pay for a subject of conver
sation. So he isn't saying a word
about it.
CYNICISMS.
If you are all right, you needn't talk ;
i yourself to death telling about it.
When a man sees a sign "Keep Out,"
I he thinks it is meant for other people. |
Some people keep up a bluff so long j
j they can't shake it after the cause is }
| gone.
In books and newspapers a husband
! always refers to his wife as "My
dear."
A man will be very much Interested t
in his wife's gossip and then scold her
j for repeating such talk,
i After a man has been married about
a year there is added Jo his already
i long list of crimes that of waking the
i baby.
Don't accumulate too many side is
sues. Notice someday how much time
you devote to side issues that are not
1 important.—Atchison Globe.
BRAKES AND COUPLINGS.
) There are only twenty-three daily
runs of 100 miles and upward on all the
French rail v.: > systems.
Thirty to forty miles an hour is the
rule for railroad iraiiis in Russia; in
Siberia fifteen to twenty.
Of the miles of railways now
in operation in Africa more than ;•
are in British colonies and protector
, ates.
The Pennsylvania Railroad company
is importing Mora wood ties from Brit
ish Guiana. They are said to last fifty
years. The life of a white oak tie is
ten years.
Yucatan is to be cobwebbed with rail
i roads, according to present plans. New
; Yorkers have contracted to build 275
miles of load in southeastern Yucatan
! to penetrate logwood and mahogany re
gions.
The steeple of the parish church at
Chesterfield, England, is often called
I the "corkscrew'' steeple, for it has got
quite a big twist. This is due to the ac
| tion of the sun <>n the wooden and iron
j materials, and the warping is more pro
i nounced in the cast: of Chesterfield
! church than in any other church in
England. Barnstable and Bristol and
one or two other places have leaning
steeples, but their tendency is decided
ly to "lean" and not to "twist." The
! church at Chesterfield is the nearest I
rival in the United Kingdom to tin \
leaning tower at Pisa. !
:
| Her Majesty ®
1 The New %
s Wommi ©
m ",*.
♦ *Xv Speaking ot
: By Eliza, | Christmas andj
. . , . the children, a i
; Archaid .. lady tells me thai
• Conner • long ago, when ;
'ityisw-i-'-''/.\-CZ, sll,? was Perhaps J
Jive years old, slit i
Ward some little ones of her acquaint- I
auce talking of how tiny hung up |
their stockings by the fireplace and j
Santa Claus came down the chimney in |
| the night and put gifts for ea<h into j
1 the small hose. They had to lie careful. !
\ they said, to he good for several weeks j
! previous to Christmas, so Santa Clans i
! would reward them; they had also to \
j see to It that their stockings weiv elean
and had no holes, or Santa Claus would *
be displeased and pass them by. The j
children who told the little girl this be
lleved it, and she believed it too. It j
was the first time she had heard of j
Santa Claus, for she had been born into i
a sternly puritanical family, who '
thought, like the Quakers, that over |
much outward observance of Christ j
mas was idolatrous. But the little girl !
resolved to try hanging up her stock !
ing, too, on Christmas eve, to see what
Santa Claus would bring her. She was
a good girl, she thought; at least she j
tried to be. Well, she pinned the stock j
ing up against the wooden mantelpiece i
and went to bed. Next morning she j
found iu it a long apple tree switch of ;
the kind that country children have j
| too good reason to be familiar with. A j
j waggish cousin put the switch there ,
I for a practical Joke, and that was all ;
i the gift the little girl got, for, as 1 tell i
you, her people were hard and stern \
Puritans. It was a brutal joke, and the |
child never forgot the heartbreaking j
i disappointment of that morning. Life :
| has had bitter cups of disappointment
not a few for her since, and she has
I drunk them to the dregs, but not one j
j has grieved her more than to find only ;
i a stick iu her stocking that Christmas
morning. The moral of the story? !
! Make the children every year as happy j
| as you can at Christmas. See that they
j get gifts, that they enjoy the day, even
' if nobody else can. The poor little
; things will And trouble enough later.
m »t
I Sure way to remove wrinkles: Don't
i get them In the first place.
* m
Miss Alice Rigg, a mere girl, is one
of the best tombstone cutters and carv
j ers in the province of Ontario. Her
father is a tombstone carver, aud his
| daughter has in a measure inherited
her trade. Iler artistic taste Is ad
mirable, which is not so remarkable as
that she excels men in the practical
work of stonecutUng itself.
r r.
Lately I was in a party where nine
women were incidentally brought to
gether. Among the nine there were
a lecturer and teacher, a physician, a
playwright, an actress and two news
paper women. The other three I was
not well enough acquainted with to
find out what their work was. But is
the professional woman here'f
K K
Think very carefully what you can
do to earn money just where you are,
If you need to earn money. Then make
your choice and stick to it and perform
the work to the best of your ability.
Don't drift along waiting for some
thing to pick you up and set you down
where you belong. Something will
never do it. You must do it yourself.
* 9.
Mrs. Ella Wheeler Wilcox has lately
littered a golden saying. It is this: "A
woman with a past, as well as a man
with a past, has a light to a future."
K 9
Here is a gem from Karl ITeinzen, a
German reformer: "The man is consid
ered as a human being, the woman as
un appendage to the human being; but
the woman is more a human being
than the present man, and human
rights know no sex."
v r
In the United States there are now
thirty women pastors of Unitarian
churches.
* 9
Girls and women, don't you go !
through life like wooden images, as
though your arms were pinioned at the
elbows and your lower limbs were tied
together at the ankles. Get a move on
you. develop all the musclar power ami
activity iu your body. You don't knovv j
what wonders you are capable of phys
; Ically.
9. 91
In the large cities a number of worn
! en add considerably to their income
I by doing shopping and making pur-
I chases for country and suburban resi
dents. it is easier as well as cheaper
to pay a competent town agent a mod
erate commission for buying an article
than to take the time and have the ex
pense of going to the city oneself. In
the daily papers of large cities are to
»e seen advertisements of women pur
! 'basing agcuts.
Arthur Brisbane iu an editorial coins
in expression most excellent when he
»peaks of "that powerful hee-haw argu
ment with which many men are wont
to refute the propositions of any wom
an." Don't forget it man's "hee-haw
argument."
9 9
Mrs. Josephine li. Ormsby, who is
tin* m< ; her of quadruplets, triplets and
twins and whose husband finally ran
away and left her besides, considers
marriage a failure. No wonder.
PLAYS AND PLAYERS.
Au opera founded on Viola Allen's
"In the Palace of the King" is a Lon
don possibility.
Miss Bates is under contract to Da
vid Belasco to appear in "Under Two
Flags" for auother year.
The scenes o 1 the new comic opera
iu which William Blaisdell will star
next season are laid in the Adirondack
mountains.
Daniel V. Arthur, manager of Stuart
Kobsou, is contemplating presenting
his star in Shakespeare's "The Comedy,
of Errors" next year.
The present theatrical sensation in
Italy, "King Harlequin," a satire on
the doings of royalty, may have au
American production next fall.
Huss Whytal, author of"For Fair
Virginia," and who plays Van Alstyue
junior in"The Henrietta," is writing a
new American comedy for Stuart Hob
sou.
The Earl of Dysart has offered $50,-
000 toward a two million li\hundred
thousand dollar national opera house
In London, pro\ided the balance la
raised in six mouths.
j | |jjjj HI 112
M 1...
i
i
ile nt to do a
[
I Ms of Primi
I
! iri M.
I it will Pl«.
s irs Rule.
i i
i
A well pt;:.
tasty, Bill fir
W / Iter Head, i V
iU Ticket, Ciicu'
Program, Stat
r>J ment or Card
(y ) an advert isemeii
lor your
satisfaction to yoi:
New Type,
lew Presses, ~
Best Paper,
Stilled fort "
Preeliess
-111 you can ask
i
i
A trial will mab
you our customei
We respectfully asl
that trial.
No. ii H. Mahoning *t.
I?.*'.