MARKTWAINTALKED!
AND THEREBY HELPED OUT A VERY
INEXPERIENCED REPORTER.
The Latter H«»l Kelt There VV««
Nothing to Do hut lieat|;u. Told the
Humor!*! So and, to Mi» Vxtoniali
ment, Had a Joke on the Editor.
"I see that Mark Twain lias returned
after his long absence abroad," remarked
an old newspaper reporter, "but 1 am j
sorry to uote that he has changed his •
mind about coming south to lecture. I
hoped to have a chance to interview him
and incidentally to thank him again for a
big favor he did me a good many years
Mgo.
"It was rather an odd experience," the
old reporter went on."I was young and
green at the time and had just secured a
'trial job' on a newspaper in Detroit,
when Mr. Clemens cam,' to the citf to
deliver a lecture. It so happened that all
our best reporters were off that night on
a local murder sensation, and the city ed
itor called me up. very reluctantly, as I
thought, and assigned me to have a talk
with the great humorist. I had stepped
out of the office but was still within ear
shot when the night editor came in.
" 'Who huve you got on the Clemens
Interview?' I heard him ask. »-
" 'That new fellow,' the city editor re
plied.
" 'O Lord!' said the night editor.
"That brief remark filled me with min
gled emotions, in"which wrath, mortifica
tion and apprehension were present in
about equal quantities. But it also put
me on my mettle, and I determined to get
that interview or perish in the attempt.
The city editor had said that he wanted
something about a column long and 'very
bright and snappy.' and while I was
waiting at the hotel for Mr. Clemens to
return from the opera house where ho
was speaking I tried to frame in my mind
a series of suggestive questions.
"I can't say I was particularly success
ful, and many a time in after years I
have thought of the folly, not to siv cru
elty, of sending inexperienced boys on
such errands and expecting anything like
results. However, that's neither here nor
there. The fact is I writhed and sweat
blood, and by the time the night clerk
told me that 'Mr. Clemens had just gone
op on the elevator' I was in a condition
bordering on nervous prostration.
"I found the humorist standing before
th« fireplace," continued the old reporter,
*'smoking a brier pipe and attired in a
suit of pyjamas. His appearance startled
me, for I didn't dream that he had had
time to undress, and I promptly lost my
few remaining shreds of self possession.
All my questions tlew out of my brain
like a scattering covey of quail, and abso
lutely the only thing I could think of ask
ing him was how he liked the town. lie
looked at me quizzically.
" 'Considering that I arrived after
dark,' he drawled, 'and was driven direct
to the theater and then direct to the ho
tel, my impressions are favorable. I
think you have a very good quality of
nights in Detroit,' he added, after a
pause; 'fully equal to the nights I have
encountered anywhere.' That was a cap
ital lead, but I was too badly rattled to
take it. I stumbled through a few idiotic
commonplaces, and realizing evidently
that there was no use wasting any more
fun on such a chump, he answered in
weary monosyllables. In a few moments
I gave up In despair.
" 'Now, don't make too much of this,'
he remarked as I started for the door,
and while the caution was no doubt
prompted by fear that I would write
something phenomenally stupid it had
the effect of putting me suddenly at my
ease. 'Don't worry about that, Mr.
Clemens,' I replied; 'l'm not going to
write anything at all except my resigna
tion.' And thereupon I told him briefly
the story of my assignment. As I had
by that time fully determined to throw
up my job and was no longer appre
hensive I suppose I told it easily and
naturally. At any rate, his eyes twin
kled, and when I came to the part about
the night editor he threw back his head
nnd roared with laughter.
44 'Hold on!' he exclaimed when he
*aught his breath. 'We'll have to turn
the tables on that fellow sure! Just sit
down there with your paper, and I'll see
whether I can't dictate something.'
"I obeyed in a sort of daze, and he be
jan striding up and down the room,
puffing his pipe and running his fingers
through his bushy hair. In half an hour
he had given me a column monologue
lbout his experiences on the train com
ng in. The road was a notoriously ram
shackle affair, and he 'roasted' it in his
nappiest vein.
" 'Now, you must cut that up into para
graphs,' he said when he got through,
and sling in a few questions here and
here to make it look dialog?. Then I
hink you'll have about what you want,
ell those other fellows as you go out
at I have gone to bed.' Those 'other
■Hows' were two reporters from rival
leets who had sent up their cards and
•ere then cooling their heels in the eor
idor. I tried to thank him, but he cut
oe short, and I went away, walking on
mbient air. When I turned in my copy,
he city editor nearly fell out of his chair,
lis astonishment pleased me more than
raise in salary, but I was a little dis
ppointed in the demeanor of the night
iitor. I expected he would look shatn
d and remorseful, but he didn't. He
lerely remarked that 'appearauces were
eotptive,' which I took as unkind."
"Did yon ever tell them how you got
he story?" asked one of the younger
ien who had been listening.
"No," replied the old reporter. "I
ever told. I let concealment, like the
porm in the bud, prey on my damask
heek. I had a good deal of cheek in
nose days," he added thoughtfully as h»
tarteddown stairs.—New Orleans Titnes
lemocrat.
Why He Wept.
'Why are yon crying, sonny?"
"Me bnidder's runned away from
me."
'Ah! Yon love yonr brother?"
'Naw; but he hadn't no business fet
• go wldout takin me wid him.
■o-hool"—New York Journal.
A NOVEL IDEA.
tRS HELEN ROOF, of Lima, Ohio, writes
t she has supplied herself aud three
ghters with shirt waists and earned a
utifuliy decorated, 100 piece dinner-set,
> a 24 piece silver-service, in three
iths, by simply getting a few friends
neighbors to try DIAMOND DIGEST
■LETS for Dyspepsia and Constipation,
premiums are certainly beautiful, and
. Koof says she is over SSO ahead in
ul household articles and wearing ap
1. What makes it so easy to earn these
ly presents is that DIAMOND DIGEST
LETS are warranted to cure any case
>yspepsia and restore the bowels and
r to perfectly natural action in two
cs or the money is refunded. The tab
do exactly what Is claimed for them,
a few persons once started will use
igh to secure you several lovely pre
ns in a very short time. If you would
a beautiful shirt waist, very latest
•, color and material. Just Bend your
E and address to the DIAMOND DIUXJ
84 West Broadway, N. Y., requesting
\ to send vou eight boxes of tablets to
>ld at 25c. a box, and get your father,
ler, brothers, uncles, cousins or your
i to take them with the understanding
they pay you If found good. This they
lo and want more every time. Collect
(2 and send It in and receive your
•nt. You can then get the 24 piece
--service and 100 piece dinner-set In
-y short time and absolutely without
This firm requires no money in ad
» and will mall tablets with premium
i merely upon request.
> * iJ
~ ~iiiS% - - $j
Caused Lv over- jI a / ~l W"0 !
work ? No, caused j/; JL \ \ \
by undernourish- ' ~~~ := " ~\ l
ment. Work rarely \|
causes collapse. It V
is worry—the outcome of a low condition
of the nervous .sv: tem and inadequate j
nutrition which nera'ly causes col- ,
lapse. The coil: • seems sudden, but
in reality it is a slow process. The stom
ach and orients t.i and nutri- j
tion are d:-;-.: 1, the nourishment in tin
food eaten is only partially extra; ', cd an•"
imperfectly assimilated. The blood be
comes impure; the very fount of life is
poisoned, and some day all the faculties
and functions goon a strike. That's
collapse. Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical
Discovery cures diseases of the organs of
digestion and nutrition, purifies the
blood and builds up the weak body with
sound healthy flesh.
"I was cured of a very bad case of indigestion,
associated with torpid liver, by the use of Dr.
Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery," writes Mr.
G. B. Bird, of Byrnside. IMitnairi Co . W. Ya.
"Before I began the use of' Golden Medical Dis
covery'! had no appetite: could not sleep, nor
work but very little, bowels consti; nted, and life
was a misery to me. After taking four bottles I
felt so well that I went to work, but soon got
worse, so I used it about eight weeks longer,
when I was permanently cured."
Dr. I'ierce's Medical Adviser is sent
free on receipt of stamps to pay cost of
mailing only. Send 21 one-cent stamps
for paper covered book, or 31 stamps for
cloth, to Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
Good Cue For It.
"Alas!" she said, "what shall I do? I
feel that I have a heart of stone."
"Possibly," ho suggested tentatively,
"with my help you might make it the
cornerstone of a matrimonial structure."
After all, there's nothing like n re
sourceful man. She said so herself. —Chi-
cago Post.
Micht Be Either.
MeJigger—Our friend Jenks is either
Koing to extremes in the matter of
mourning for his late wife or he's looking
for a new one.
Thingumbob—Why, how is that?
MeJigger—He has dyed his hair and
mustache jet black. — Philadelphia Press.
All the Same to i'ltii.
"Yes, I went to hear the singers at the
big opera house in I.Vw York."
"Singing the operas in Hnglish, weren": 1
they?"
"In English? Well. say. I didn't think
to ask."—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Always Knew It.
"Theophratns doesn't seem to take any
interest in polities, dues be?"
"No; he wants to be fixed so that
whichever way the elect ion goes lie can
say he felt sure it would come oat that
way."—lndianapolis Journal.
I"r'sip* Xot.
"Seems to me I've met you somewhere,
sir. 1 can't recall your name. I :.t I'm
sure I've been in your company before."
"I think not, sir; but you kie-w best.
I'm the keeper of the house of correc
tion."—Pick Me I'p.
Di«l«'t Get Any.
"Up in the Maine woods, were yon?"
"Yes."
"Get any moose, or did you see any?"
"W< 11. I saw several vamoose after !
shot."—Philadel übia 1 'ress.
t nele Allen.
"Never." counseled I'ucle Allen Sparks,
"look at n gift cheese through the micro
scope."—Chicago Tribune
New liidnwtry.
i
% hf, >v.' s? y i
Silas—What be yeon doin with that pig
tied out in the road?
Cyrus—Hush! (ianderbilt's automobile
is due along this way. He'll run over the
porker and I'll sue for some of his mil
lions.—Chicago News.
Ready to Meet It.
The guest at the expensive hotel had
been overcome by the heat and the
sight of the bill combined and was ly
ing 011 the marble floor of the otiice.
"Stand back," exclaimed some one,
"and give him air!"
"No!" gasped the guest, temporarily
reviving. "Put it in the bill. I'm will
ing to pay for it!"— Chicago Tribune.
IVeeemaity For C*titlon.
First Politician—Why is it that your
man will make no promises? Just look
at the promises our candidate has
made.
Second Politician—Well, you see, our
man expects to be elected. —Indianapo-
lis Press.
Aluminium Army t toniills.
As early as March 4. ISO 7, it was de
cided to furnish th? Russian infantry
with aluminium cooking utensils, can
teens, etc., and quite recently new spec
ifications for certain of these articles
huve been Issued.
The aluminium used must be pure—
that is, it must contain not less than 9S
per cent of aluminium. I.'n :h article
must be pressed out of a single plate of
aluminium without any seams or sol
der.
The articles thus far issued to tfTo
army are water kettles, canteens and
drinking cups.
The kettle (for cooking) lias the form
of a truncated one, with the larger di
ameter at the bottom. It stands about
live inches high, with a t >p diameter of
s'a inches and a bottom diameter of
0% inches, and holds about half a gal
lon. The bottom is Hat, rounded at the
edges, and the top is turned over
around an aluminium wire and lias an
iron wire handle catching in alumini
um ears riveted 011 by means of alu
minium rivets. The entire weight of
! the kettle cannot exceed P. 21 grains
(about three-quarters of a pound).
The canteen or water bottle is ellip
tical in shape, with a conical neck open
ing outward. In the horizontal cross
section the longest diameter measures
4.0 inches, the shortest 2.3 inches. In
the vertical section the longest diame
ter (lengtli to neck) measures 0.7 inch
es.
The drinking cup is of an elongated
oval form in horizontal cross section,
widening toward the top. with nearly
vertical sides. It weighs less than one
ounce.
Recently, however, a rival of alumin
ium lias entered the field namely,
magnnllum, which promises even bet
ter results. New York Sun.
||iifii® (asij
I P A GTOTtY OF WAS
« IN LA VENDEE. ©
9 © C-.fi « »
After the town was taken M. Henri
made our liousehis lie., Iquarters. Those
who had escaped wc e chased to the
gates of Niort. The Marseillais threw
down their arms in tl streets and sur
rendered. The night advanced, still
they dragged the prisoners Into our low
rafted room. M. Henri cried with vic
j torloits clemency, "Lower your arms
and you shall not be hurt." The repub
licans were disarmed and let go free. I |
pointed out to the young chief the dan-,
ger of letting hundreds of rebi Is wan-
I der about the outskirts, just when his
| men were thinking of nothing but vic-
I tory and of going each his own way. j
"You have some merciless enemies.
* I said. "A Marseillais lieutenant nam
ed Ripard has sworn that lie would
kill you in the combat or murder you
afterward 011 the first opportunity."
Ou the young chief's handsome face
there was a look of childlike astonish
ment at Itlpard's hatred. His brow
clouded at my words, but he dismissed
the thought with a sha'-.e oi' I!
ders and gave the order tore., .1 the
rest of the prisoners.
"We must show them that we have
more humanity than they." l:e said.
He had scarce Unified speaking
when there was a <tr It c: le, and
three Ycndean soldiers d sd a rough
haired man into Ihe r 1 He had
cruel, bloodshot eyes; li; fa ov. as con
vulsed with rage and hatred.
"This rebel has been am !ed, pistol
In hand." said one of the Yendeans.
"His life nnd liberty v.cie giv >1 iiiin.
He made off, then turn* 1 and i'red on -
Ills liberators. We dragged his pistpi
from him. Here it is." And the man
placed the weapon upon the iaMe.
"To the prison," ordered M. Henri,
and, turning to the man, he said, "Your
name?"
The prisoner grinned savagely. ale
care. My name will arm .vou. lam
Ripard."
I trembled. M. I
Marseillais nnd sa!<: < tl.": "Well,
Ripard. you are free. < >:"
"No!" replied the t 1 "I
know that trick. I u:i ■ ■*
soon as I am out ' ■ I sil»e sh t
down by your soldi
"My word is my < :,h. You : hail not
go unarmed. Take y l M-
Ilenrl pointed to the
ble.
j The man jeered. "Do you know that
it is loaded?"
For answer M. Henri took the pistol
and held it out to Ripard. The prison
er snatched it from li is hand, stuck it
In ids belt and. looking at the young
chief with an evil eye, said sullenly:
"Where do you expect me togo? The
houses are full; there is no straw. The
country is unsafe. If you-are afraid
to keep me, kill me, for I am worn out.
I cannot drag another step."
"Solt!" said M. Henri. "We are 110
longer fighting. There is a capitula
tion. If you do not know where togo,
you may stop here."
1 trembled at the thought of harbor
ing so dangerous a guest and raised a
hundred objections. We had not even
a chair to spare.
"At least," said M. Henri, "he shall
share my room. The bed is big enough
for two."
I was dumb with horror. There was
a painful silence, broken by M. Ilenrl
begging me to take the torch and show
Ripard to his room. The man watched
j us narrowly. A drop of blood hanging
from the corner of his eyelid rolled
down his cheek, leaving a ghastly stain
upon It. I walked first, showing the
way up the steps, but my heart beat
fast, and the torch trembled in my
hand, throwing weird shadows as we
went. Inside the corridor I opened the
sleeping room door and placed the light
upon the chimney. The grin on the
Marseillais' face froze my blood with
horror. I lingered, hoping to find a
chance of whispering to M. Henri to
disarm Ripard or. at any rate, to let
one of the men sleep in his room, but
he had forgotten about the pistol or
was obstinate in his idea, for he cut
me short, saying:
"Good night! A domain. I am worn
out with fatigue."
Ami to hasten my departure, he com
menced to unfasten his coat.
I went away in despair, leaving the
door ajar behind 1110. but I heard M.
Henri bid Ripard close It, saying that
the}' would sleep more quietly. I trem
bled nt the haste with which the man
obeyed, double locking the door be
hind him. In the anguish that poss< sscd
me I had a njind to cross the corridor
upon which their room opened, to get a
ladder, and climbing up. to watch them
through the narrow oeil de ljoeuf win
dow placed high in the wall, but my
! courage failed. Still I could not aban
! don our guest to the mercy of his
tnemy. M. Henri's Yendean soldiers
shared my fears, but they dared not
disobey the command.
"When M. Henri says a thing, he j
means It," they said, but I persuaded
one of them to place his mattress
Bcross the door, begging him to spend
the night there, ready to break in at
1 the first alarm. This done, I retired,
but I was stiil uneasy. Though I
threw myself dressed upon my bed, I
Could not sleep. An hour passed wear
ily by, then another; the suspense be
! came unbearable. Unable longer to
suppress my fears, I took a ladder
from a lumber room at the end of the
corridor, placed it noiselessly under
; the oeil de boeuf window, climbed up
i aud looked into the room. The light
.' was still burning, though the house
i was plunged in silence.
. i M. Ilenri was lying on the side of I lio i
112 bed nearest to the wall, and Ripard,
. having placed the light upon the table
| near to the head of the bed, was stand
, I ing motionless beside it watching the
I sleeper's face.
j I could not see his expression, for his
jj back was toward me. He remained
.; thus some minutes, debating perhaps,
' whether the serenity of those noble ,
features were not a ruse.
I The young chief's shirt was open at
! the neck, showing a medallion attaeh
| ed to a silver chain that reposed upon
! his breast. Mis breathing was calm
, and regular, bis lips half open in a
smile that betokened a peaceful anil
j happy dream. Uipard's right hand was
C ! half hidden in tie shadow of the table.
I could s. e that it held the pistol, his
finger upon t!; • trigger. lie seemed
to hesitate. Then raising his arm
slowly be aimed straight at tbe sleep
q er's heart. I was peiri; >d with hot
B j*sy. My heart ceased to beat. A cry
( of terror and anguish died away in
my throat. Still I watched, powerless
to move, as in a dream. Ai)d M, Henri
grr.«k » - s* r» ,-f^k
r». tter than a Piano, Organ or T >1 • and talks as well as plays, and
don't 6bst as much, Itreprodua ; nyl.i jrummt—-hand or orchestra —tclla
' stories and sings-' tfafeokt familiar faymi . well as the popular songs—it. is always ready.
Bro t'l ' >ll i' 1 i-<>r» ' si 'tmturi! is on every machine. Cata
logues of all dealers, or NATIONAL CIiONOOKAHH CO., IJS l : ifth Ave., New York. ,
y —} j I
i I
■/■v\ 1
| i I
' - & lift JS&3 ik i! I v
; / ' U •-.: . !■ I, \ I S
, '■'•■? ■ Lu? 1 S
| & , 1 j > V :
hs ■ fiP» i
J •■• '4 U '■•" !
\ Health is Happiness, j
t Health is at the bottom of happi- |
I ness. The man or woman who is per- ♦
{ fectly well, enjoys life like a child, j |
\ Healthy people do not appreciate the J
j fact that the country is full of un- j
x happy people —people who arc sick t
| with skin ailments, kidney and |
? urinary diseases, liver troubles, j
| stomach disorders. If they knew j
] of ail t!iis suffering, their hearts i
j would go out in sympathy. :
Dr David Kenncdjfe j |
j ' - pi "■ ••>0 j I
'.': people happy by.mak* t I
» i wcil. It is a prescription !
fof ai 1 physician, it cures kid" j j
i ney, liver, skin, bioodand | I
iii ail sick men and wo- i j
iy try it,what a happy ♦ '
v. uld be! j \
* "! ,* 'tihlnklihouldhmbMniMitott ; ,
Mrs. J. I . WaJe <,t Svwe. Ver- J i
t • . , had not taken Dr. David Kennedy si ,
1 sufifit'J tmm liver anJ J
, si en' . J I ' 1 taken ; .
but* little white, when 1 be- 1
j gan t -s: better. Now lam perfectly cured." J
j si ; ; six for $5. At Drugstores. j j
* ,
vj! ng ami breathing peace- j
fully, unci. ;< usly offering his warm
Lui ;■ 1 t . the cold muzzle that was
j'ji : I : tliat awful moment
1 , shiver of death upon me.
i: . i maintained his mnrderotw aim,l
still lit! did not lire. He sighed deeply, j
his !. ;il (• i i' led. Then he lowered
ii. - pistol "- iili a furious movement,!
tn. I.i ; ! backward from the 1
I-.. I•v as 1 .<' >usly pale, his eye-j
Is t!• : -It. 1. He shook his head,
plaeiug l is hands iiefore Ids eyes as
though eh::sing some hideous vision
anH i; , )Bly placed the pistol upon
the table. 1 waited 110 longer. 1 scram
bled tL ivn Hie I ilder, stumbled to the
c. or «•? M. II nri's room, woke the
V< tlriin !-• upon the mattress
ate! iu 1 . haste bid him to
force tiie lock gently that the Marsell
lais should uot hear. The soldier drew
a knife from his pocket, and, though
lie handled it adroitly, the work was
long and difficult. At last the lock
gave. I flung the door open and stood
dum founded upon the threshold. Side
by side M. Henri and ltipard were
sleeping as children sleep, their breasts
rising and failing with the same regu
lar and peaceful inovement and much
the same smile upon their lips.—Trans
lated From the French For St. Louis
Star.
HE LOST HIS MONEY.
Hot Socnied to Think: tho Hailr«*d
Should Muke Good.
[Copyright, 1!X)0, by C. B. Lewis.]
lie was a man with a satchel, a
cane, a lame leg and a troubled coun
tenance as he landed from a train at
the I.' ll ion depot and inquired who was
the bosg around there. The special
officer was at hand to ask him what
was wanted, and h" promptly replied:
"I changed a *1" bill for a feller on
the train, and it is a counterfeit, and
I want to kuow if the railroad will
make it good 10 me?"
"No, sir, of course not," replied the
officer.
-Won't, eh? I didn't hardly s'pose
they would, but 1 thought I'd aslt
fj /4/£ l v 3
Jjfc k/'JJ
imj
it
SKKKIXO IXFOItMATION.
Another feller asked me to play poker
with him, and when we got through
I was out SS. Will the railroad make
it tip to me?"
"No. sir."
eh? I kinder thought they
wouldn't, but it don't do hurt to ask.
A feller on tlie train had a terbacker
box which he said he'd bet I couldn't
open after he had showed me how. 1
took the bet and lost $3. The railroad
will give me that back, won't they?"
"No, sir. No railroad takes care of
idiots who travel," replied the officer.
"Don't, eh? I thought they did, but
if you say they dou't that settles it.
A feller 011 the train had three keerds,
and lie flung 'em around and bet me
$2 1 couldn't pick out the ace of
hearts. 1 took the bet and lost. I>o
I get that back?"
"Not much. You seem to be a soft
mark for swindlers."
"l)o you mean Fin easy to work?"
"For sure."
"Waal. I guess I am. So 1 don't git
nuthin back?"
"Not a thing. It's a wonder you got
here with your watch or a dollar in
money."
"liut 1 didn't," replied the man with
a sad smile. "I bet watches with a
feller 011 the train and lost, and I
haven't but 15 cents in my pocket!"
"Well, you are the biggest greenhorn
Iu the state <>f Ohio!" replied the dis
gusted officer.
"Am I? 1 thought I was. but didn't
know for sure. Waal, goodby. I'm
goin up town, and I shall probably
meet a feller and lose this 13 cents
before it 1 git there!" M. QUAD.
'I lie \\ Iwtlimi of E*perl«-iipc.
"My son. before you study historj
you must understand the philosophy ol
it."
"How is that attained?"
"I>y practice. You must learn to dis-'
criminate between lies of doubtful ori
gin and tin *e which everybody lias
agreed to accept."—Life.
THE ARIZONA KICKER
SOME ITEMS OF NEWS TOLD BY THE
BUSY EDITOR.
Straiuht Tiill.h. Too, l>y 11 Man Who
AVuiiAm HIMSELF I nderstood utul Ih ]
AltvavH Itendy to lluck Ip All Tliut
He Sn.vit, I
[Copyright, 1600, by C. B. Lewis.]
The vigilance committee over at
Lone Jack seems to need an instructor.
It has hung one man three different
times, and yet he is walking around
today in good health.
We understand that certain parties j
in this town have written the post- I
master general that we play 1 r.
Yes. we do, but we play it as editor
and not as postmaster and would like
to sit down in a game with the I*. G.
himself if lie's inclined that way.
We believe that what is to happen
will happen. In other words, we give
Lawyer Dodge due notice that if lie
brings another libel suit against The
Kicker we will call at his office and
make him eat all tin? papers in the
[ case, with a few deeds aud bills of
I sale as a wind up.
\ The rumor that we are looking for
I another political office is true. We
' now hanker to be fish commissioner of
the territory, thus giving 11s five soft
1 snaps. There is no cheek about this.
We are simply taking care of ourselves
as an editor. What is left after we
are provided for can goto the modest
aud bumble public.
The little scrap between our fighting
| dog Jim and a cur from Rose Hill,
1 which took place at the rink Wednes
day uiglit. as advertised, put SSO more
in our pocket toward the project of
J bringing out a daily Kicker next year.
We own the dog as an individual and
not as editor, mayor, postmaster or
state senator.
In accordance with a careless habit
we have somehow acquired we spat on
; Major Johnson's boots as we stood
talking with him 011 the street the oth-
S/
112 - *
THE EDITOR SURPRISED,
cr day. Supposing we meant to insult
him, the major pulled his gun and
fired a bullet through our hat. Expla
nations ami drinks followed, and all is
sereue at this writing.
If any one is curious to know why
J. B. Williams left town last Sunday
night with his legs working like pis
ton rods and his hair on the curl, we
can explain that, as secretary of the
vigilance committee, we had given
him warning to skip or dangle. He de
rided to skii> and has probably reach
ed Utah by this time. J. K. was a lit
tle too stiff as a braggart anil a dead
beat
The gossip around town that we are
planning a SSO,iXK) opera house is all
nonsense, lltllso hall is l»ig enough
and good enough for the "Uncle Tom's
Cabin" troupes which come this way,
and the spectators 011 the front seats
with their guns have also become used
to the targets and the distances.
Some one has sent us by mail a Ku
klux notice skull, crossboues and all
warning us to get out of Arizona with
in 30 days or take the consequences.
I'lease bring on your consequences.
We don't propose to leave this balmy
country for many years to come, and
we'll bet 10 to 1 that we add that
chap's carcass to the 13 others sleep
ing so quietly in our private editorial
graveyard. We are no buzzsaw, but
the man who monkeys with us has got
to be chain lightning to keep his
health. M. QUAD.
Habitant With Him.
Mrs. Church —Your name is not spell
ed right on this list.
Mrs.Gotham—What's the matter with
It?
"Why, Lillle is spelled with only one
•I.'"
"Oh, well, my husband wrote that.
It's nothing new for liiiu to forget one
of my letters."—Yonkers Statesman.
Stnlihed Her la the >'eck.
"Madam," complained the man be
hind the hat, "I can't see the stage. If
jou'd kindly remove" —
"Oh," snapped the lady, "I guess
you're seeing your money's worth!"
"You're right," he replied. "I only
paid $1.50, but here I can see the price
tag of your hat, and it's marked $3.08."
—Philadelphia Press.
Making Him Hnroilesn.
"I understand that a stump orator's
private car is to be attached to this
train."
"Don't worry, sir. You will not be
disturbed. We have arranged to re
move the rear platform Just as soon
ns the train starts." —Cleveland Plain
Dealer.
Hardly.
I'at—Be you th' gintleman tliot ad
vertoised in th' paper for a porter, si«r?
Merchant—Yes, but I distinctly stat
ed that all applications must be made
by mail.
Pat Begorry, an is it a female Oi'm
tftlier look in loik?—Chicago News.
YOUTHS' DEPARTMENT.
A a Old Mariner 1 * C'ompnjin— Sent *0
Her Garden—When I
Wan a Boy.
riaee a needle against a strong
horseshoe magnet overnight. The
next morning set the needle afloat in a .
basin of water, and if the stars are j
shining that evening carry your com
pass outdoors, and the needle will '
point out to you the beautiful polar
star, to which mariners very often j 1
used to pray.
Turn the needle as much as you
p 1 it will ever swing to its proper ,
position 1 ■ 112 t'.iat position will not be
ju. : . uiili the north pole. Why?
Because this old earth is itself an
enormous magnet, and it deigns to In
fluence even a tiny needle, turning it :
a trifle to the left— that is, to the north- !
west—of the star. It was the clever
Chinese who discovered this simple
compass, and the joke is that our north
pole Is their south pole. China Is a
topsyturvy place.
Ships have often gone out of their j
courses because of the derangement, j
as it is called, of the compass. The
compass is deranged by iron, which
attracts It.
Hold a piece of iron near your water
compass, and the needle may point
south-southwest. A ship's cargo may 1
contain enough iron to worry a com- |
pass, don't you see? Not so many
years ago a fine English vessel was
wrecked on account of incorrect com
passes.
And you will remember, or, if you
do not, you will want to read, that
part of "Slndbad the Sailor" telling of
the loadstone rock which drew all the
nails from a vessel. No such thing
ever happened, of course, but the root
of the idea is true. When a vessel has
her compass adjusted, she is brought j
to a calm place where she can swing j
about her anchor chain in the manner |
of a merry go round. The needle is
watched, and if it fails to point always
to a certain spot magnets or pieces of
iron are placed in just the right spot
to correct the needle.
Sprinkle iron filings on a sheet of pa
per pasted on the frame of a shallow j
pasteboard box. The frame is made ;
by cutting away the bottom of the box
with the exception of a narrow border, j
Touch the underside with a strong
magnet, drawing it this way and that,
and the filings will form beautiful and
ever changing patterns in obedience to ;
the movements of the magnet This
little experiment makes a magnetic ka
leidoscope.
Professor Faraday proved that ev
erything, "a ray of light and even a
leg of mutton, may be influenced by a
powerful magnet," but we must con
tent ourselves with influencing steel
and Iron and will find our hands full
in experimenting with those metals.
Let us find out all we can about mag
netism. which, like light and heat, is a
great force.
HEMORRHAGE OF THE LUNGS.
lint it Means and How It Should
He Treated.
Bleeding from the lungs is one of the
not uncommon symptoms of consumption,
occurring at some time iu the course of
the disease in perhaps two-thirds of the
cases. It is often the first indication ot '
iung trouble iu a person who has been
losing flesh and growing weak without
any apparent cause, but it more often oc
curs in advanced stages of the disease.
There may be one hemorrhage only, or
the trouble may recur frequently, and the
amount of blood expectorated may be '
barely enough to tinge the phlegm, or the j
bleeding may be most profuse, a cupful j
or even a pint or more.
It very rarely happens that the quantl- j
ty is so great as to endanger life, yet tho ,
blood may be poured into the bronchial j
tubes more rapidly than it can be cough- j
ed up, and so actually drown the sufferer, j
The treatment of hemorrhage of the
lungs consists first of all iu absolute
quiet. The patient should be in a cool 1
room, lying down, but with shoulders |
raised, and should he forbidden to talk. I
Swallowing cracked ice may be service
able and a!so cold applications to the
chest, but of course a physician must be
called to administer suitable remedies for
the control of the bleeding if it is at all
profuse.
Quiet, deep breathing is useful, but the
patient should avoid any attempt to keep
back the blood, for when it has once es
caped from the blood vessels it is better
coughed up than remaining in the air
tubes.
Fear or excitement only makes the
bleeding worse, aud patients should be
taught that the hemorrhage is a usual j
occurrence iu consumption and that it 1
seldom has any effect upon the course
of the disease, especially that it does not
at all preclude absolute recovery under
proper hygienic treatment.
Some physicians tell consumptive pa
tients that they must expect one or more
attacks of hemorrhage, possibly quite se
vere ones, but that such hemorrhage is
usually of no great moment.
In some cases indeed, when the spitting
of blood is due to congestion rather than j
to an actual tear of some of the blood j
vessels, it may be beneficial as tending ;
to relieve the stagnation and so give the '
circulation a chance to re-establish itself, j
An important fact to remember, one
which may tend to relieve the sufferer's
anxiety, is that the blood which is ex
pectorated is much more often from the
throat or nose than from the lungs and
may have nothing to do with the fact
that tiie patient is a consumptive.—
Y'outh's Companion.
THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.
On an average a cow yields 350 gallons
of milk a year.
The swallow is said to be one of the
fastest of the avine tribe. It is known
to have covered 120 miles an hour.
The Argentine locusts have a habit of
moving forward like an army in line
and gathering together in bunches in
stead of scattering like true grasshop
pers.
NQSQI
CATARRH
In all its stages th e re
Ehould be cleanliness.
Ely's Cream Balm
cleauPC9,floothesand heals
the diseased membrane.
It cures catarrh and drives Jf Vr*
away a cold iu the head
quickly.
Cream Balm is placed Into the nostrils, spreads
over the membrane and is absorbed. Relief is im
mediate and a cure follows. It is not drying—docs
not produce sneezing. Large Size, 50 cents at Drug
gists or by mail; Trial Size, 10 cents by mail.
ELY BKOTIIEUS, SO Warreu Street, New York.
Chas. L. Pettis & Co..
CASH |
PRODUCE BUYERS.
Dressed Poultry, (iame, l : urs,
HJIRS anil liutter.
204 DUANE STREET,
NEW YORK.
Write for Our Present Paying
Prices.
D,, L. & H RAIIfiOAD,
TIME TABLE,
In Effect September Ist. 1899
GOJNG WEST
PAS • |
I i I
New p.m. a. m. a.m #
Barclay St. I,v. y ;jj jO uu ••••
i ristopher St.. y yy lo oo • •••
lloboken y 45; iu i& ....
K'-ranton Ar| 230 j 152
i ,lail >' .. „ 5 50
A.Vf M. l * M * r r
SciIANTOR . 10 IK) o'o\ 3 i; (»•;
lieiiovuc i...' 3*vj; l
Taylorvilie io i.V 203 j; l 0 i
Lackawanna j ;o 23 210 " .h iu
""'Tea, ; 10 *z.i 213 t; j4
Pittstor. ! 10 B i 2 17 •* '*{
Susquehanna Ave...' 10 ;{ a 4 030
West PittSton 0 5 10 :«j 224 * ls t ; - M
Wyoming 7 0 \o 14 2ai 4 09 tj
Forty Fort I 4 13
Bennett 7 0 10 52 2 Ile g'Jj
Kingston 7 1 Hi st> 2 4.i 42j 4;
Kingston..... 7 1 lu ;>(> 211 ■* *" s y 51)
Plymouth JliOC 7 1 j 247 * 6
I'lytnoutb 7 2 11 o.'ij 252 7io
Avondale 7 2 I j 2. 7 *••" 725
Nanticoke 7 3 11 131 302 ••••
Huulock'f i 7 3 11 111 1 310 ••••;
Shickshinny 7 5 11 30 32t ••••
Hick's Ferry » 0 fll 13; 335 ••••
Head) P'aven 8 1 11 48: 342 ....
Berwick 81, 11 si| 349
Hriar Creek fs 2 112 3 56 ....
Lime Kidlce.t 8 3 flii OH' 404
Ecpy : 83- 12 I'll 4 11 ....
Bloomsburg ! 8 4~j 12 22 417 ....
Kupert !8 50 12 27 423
Oatawlpsa i 8 69 12 32 4 a ....
Danville 1 9 10 12 47 442
Chulasky 1 4 49 ....
'aineron ;9 20 12 57 464 ....8 46
Nckthumhkrland 935 110 60s ....;}» 0U
Ar. A.M.I p. M. P. M. P.M. I».M
GOING EAST.
STATIONS. j. AS : PAB.I PAS. PAS. PAB
' j I
! i
NkwYohk pin: P' rn ' a - m 'i.m. am
Barclay St. &r. 330 5 00! j6 40
Christopher St... 3 no; 4 65' 6 35
Hoboken 2 17, 448 826
; Scranton 10 05 12 55: ' -JO
1 a.m.: P.m. j H " I
j daily p.m
a.m. P. m. p. m. p. m. l dly
! Scran ton 042 12 35 4 661 5359 07
Bellevue 1» 38 4 60j 5 30|9 02
Taylorvilie 9 33' 445 6 251857
Lackawanna 9 26 ; 437 5 I 147
Duryea 3 23! 434 5 ;8 48
PittSton 919 12 17 429 5 844
Susquehanna Ave.. 915 12 14 4 24' 5 |S3O
West Pittston.... . "» '.2 .... 4 2l| 5 836
Wyoming 90s Ix Oh 4 161 50 }822
Forty Fort 903 410 4 828
| Bennett 900 4 06! 4 (, 824
i Kingston, 857 12 02 4 01: 4 5 821
| Kingston 855 12 00 4 t'2' 4 .8 10
j Plymouth Junction 850 | 365 4 1 818
| Plymouth 815 11 52 3 51 1 4418 01
j Avondale 840 1 3 40 ®o®
Nanticoke 8 35| 11 45 342 ol
Hun lock's 8 27' 1 3 34 <46
I Shickshinny 815 11 30 324 138
Hick's Ferry 804 , 31 3 ' m 2 '
Beaeh Haven 753 307 |J 1»
Berwick 7 4- r > 11 04 301 iJOo
Briar Creek 1 !
Lime Ridge 7 30j I 248 i® J t
Espy 723 10 4« 242 ° ;'•>
Bloomsburg 715 10 41 236 '«J
Kupert 709 10 36 2 31, !®®J
| Catawissa 7 03; 10 32 226 r ~
Danville 650 10 21 212 8/3
: Chulasky ;
Cameron j 6 38 j ( ' J™
NOBTHUMBBBL'D... j 625 10 00: 1 50 9
LV A.M.I A. M. Ir. M. 1P« M - (p.M
Connections at Kupert with Philadelphia &
Heading Kailroad lor Tamanend, Tamaqua,
Williamsport, Sunbury, Pottsville, etc. At
Northuinneriand with P and E. Div. P. K. K. for
Harris-burg. Lock Haven, Emporium, Warren
Corry, anil Erie.
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD,
TIME TABLE
j In Effect May 28th, 1900,
A M A. M. P.H.I'. M
1 Scranton(D&H)lv j6 45 «9 38 218iA 27
| i ittston " " 708 flo 00 §212 4 52
A.M. A. M. P.M. P.wi
Wilkesbarre,.. lv § 730 §lO 55 30858 00
Fiym'th Ferry '• 112 7 38 fli (12 112 3 18 fa 07;
1 Nanticoke " 746 11 lo| 32# 6 171'^^
iVlocanaqua .... " 804 11 32 346 6 37j
Wapwailopen.. " 8 13 11 42 356 647 *
| Nescopeck ar 8241152 4 07 7 ooj
! A.M. P.M. P.M.
j Pottsville lv § 5 50 |SI2 30 g
Hazleton " 705 j 200 5 50j
' Tomliicken "j 722 1 218 610
I Fern Olen " 729 : 227 6 18 ;
j Kock 'Hen "I 735 j 234 6 25,
! Nescopeck .... arl 800 ! 300 050
j Catawissa.. .ar
|_ AM p M p M
Nescopeck lv § 8 24 §ll 52 § 4 07 \1 00)
Creasy " 833 12 02 416 7 o»|*
Espy ' Ferry.... " 1 8 43 12 10 112 4 24 7
E. Bloomsburg, " 847 12 14, 420 7 2.v
I Catawissa ar 855 12 21 435 732
Catawissa lv 855 12 21| 4 35, 7 32,
South Danville " 9 14 12 38j 453 7 51 1
Sunbury " 935 100 ; 5 15j « 15 |
I A.M. P.M. P. M IVM.
Sunbury Iv || 9 42 § 1 10 $ 5
Lewisburg.... ar 10 13 1 45j 618
Milton " lo 08 139 614 904
Williamsport.. " 11 00 230 7 10 ySO
Haven... " 11 59 340 8 07;
Kcnovo " A.M. 4 40| 900
Kane " 8 25 !
—_ im |
Look Haven. .lv gl2 10 3 3 45'
Bellefonte ....ar 105# 441
Tyrone " 21511ti 00
Pliilipsburg " 423' i 8 26
Cleartleld.... " 507 909
Pittsburg.... " 655 81l 30
~~ A jvT P. M P. M. FU
Sunbury lv 960§155j5 25 UH 31
Harrlsburg ar hi 11 30 §315 j] 6 55j ;o 101
P.M. P. M. P. M.IA M
Philadelphia., ar § 3 17 || 6 23 || 10 20 r 4 251
Baltimore " § 3 11 II 6 "0 j 9 45 2 30
Washington... " § 4 101, 7 15 jlO 551 4 05.
~ JTyT. P. M.i I |
Sunbury lv S 9 57 i § 2 031 | |
Lewistown Jc. ar 11 40} 3 50! | j
I Pittsburg "* 6 55j§1130! J I
A.M. P, M P. MJP M
i Harrisburg.... lv 11 46 II 3 46 || 7 20
P.M. A.M.AM
I Uttsburg ar | 6 55||| 1130;|| 1 50] 5 30;
!p. M. P M A M A M
Pittsburg lv | 7 10 j 8 30 1 2 50 |8 00 .
A. M A M P M
Harrisburg.... ar ( 1 55 J 3 4« j 9 10 1 3 10
P M A M|
Pittsbuig lv I 8 00j
P M
Ijewistown Jj. " ; 7 30 jj 3 !0i
Sunbury ar 9 20 g 5 00,
P. M. A M A M A M
Washington... lv glO 40 \ 7 45 jlO 50
Baltimore •• ill 41 I 4 50 84) !|ll 45
Philadelphia... " 1,11 20 428 840fi 12 261
A. M. A M A. M. P Ml
Harrisburg.... lv | 3 35 | 7 55 jll 40 'i 4 00|
Sunbury ...... ar ii 505 936 110 \ 5 401
P. M. A M A M I
Pittsburg lv ?12 45 | 2 60 g 8 00
( learlield.... " 409 9 28,
Pliilipsburg.. " 456 10 12!
Tyrone " 715 i 8 io 12 30!
Bellefonte.. " 831 932 1 42;
Lock Haven ar 930 10 30 2 43|
P.M. A M A M PM
Erie lv j 4 30 j
Kane " 755 1;,6 00
Uenovo " li i 5 \ 640 10 30
Luck Haven.... " 12 03 733 11 25 |3 00 "
A.M. P M
Williamsport .. " 105 830 jl2 401 400
Milton •' I">6 9 19; 127 4 -*>2 "**"
Lewisburg " 905 1 lot 4 471'
Sunbury ar 227 9 lOj 1 65j 620
A.M. AMP M PM
Sunbury lvii ti 50 1955 ; 2 00is. 648
South Danville" 7 13 JiO 17' 221 j 6 09']"
Catawissa " 733 10 35 236 627
E Bloomsburg.. " 739 10 43. 243 632
Espv Ferry...." 743 flO 47 f6 36 - ;"*
UttUJ "I 7SB 10 66 255 i 6 48
Nescopeck " 803 11 o.'>, 305 656
| A M A M P. M. P M |
I Catawissa lv j 738
Nescoprck Iv gl 1 55 #4 10 s 7 05
Kock Olen ar 826 12 21 4:46; 7 311
Fern (lien "j 8 3:;; 12 27 ) 4 42 j 737 j
Tomliicken "j 842 12 35: 451 745
Hazleton "j 902 12 112 5 5 121 806
Pottsville "| 11 301 208 6 30j 9 05, ::::
AMAMP M P Mr
Nescopeck lv j 8 031111 05 ; 3 05 6 .55 . ...
Wapwailopen. .ar 818 II 20 319 709
Mocanaoua .... "j 828 II 32; 329 7 21'
Nanticoke " 848 11 54 348 742
P M|
Plvm'th Ferry" 112 12 02j 3 57 17 52
Wilksbane ... " 906 12 10 4 05j 800
AM P M P M P M
Pittston! DAT!) ar 5 9 L ; 9 US 49 \4 52 836 1
Scranton " "I 10 08| 1 18| 520?. 9 05
g Weekdays. ! Daily. 112 Flag station.
Additional Train leaves Hazleton 5.15 p. m.,
Tomliicken 5.35 p. 111., Fern Olen 5.43 p. 111., |
liock Olen 5.50 p.m., arriving at Catawissa '
! 625 p. rn
l'ullman Parlor and Slecplnsr Cars run on |
through trains between Sunbury. Williamsport :
\ an<l Erie, between Sunbury nnd Philadelphia
j and Washington and between Harrisburg, Pitts
burg ami the West.
For lurther information apply to Ticket Agents 1
1 li. HUTCHINSON, ,1. 11. WOOD , j
(Jen'l Manager. Oen'l l'ass'n'r Ay.
New
Coal Yard!
R. J. I 'egg, Coal
\ )ealer, has re
moved to his new
COAL YARD.
Office: —No. 344 Ferry
Street (near D. L- & W. R.
R Crossing)
Yard — I n rear of Office.
Robert J. Pegg,
COAL DEALER.
Telephone No. 158*
PHILADELPHIA &
READING RAILWAY
IN EFFECT OCT. 15, 1900.
TKAINS LEAVE DANVILLE
(weekdays only)
Fcr Philadelphia 11.25 a m.
For New York 11.25 a m,
For Catawissa 11.25 a. m., 6.04 p. m.
For Milton 7.42 a. m., 4.00 p m.
For Williamsport 7.42 a. m., 4.00 p m.
Trains for Baltimore, Washington and the
South leave Twenty-fourth and Chestnut
Streets, Philadelphia, weekdays—3.23, 7.14
10.22 a. in., 12.16, 1.33,3.03,4.12,5.03, 7.26, 8.26 p.
m., 12 21 night. Sundays 3.23, 7.14 a. in., 12.16,
1.33, 4.12, 6.03, 7.26, 8.26 p. IE.
ATLANTIC CITY RAILROAD.
Leave Philadelphia, Chestnut Street Wharf
and South Street Wharf.
WEEK I)AYS— Express 9.nf1~\7"M., 2 00. 4.00, 5.00,
7.15 P. M. Accommodations s.OO A.M., 5.30
P. M. Sundays—Express 9.00, 10.00 A. M.
Accommodation 8.00 A. M., 5.00 P. M.
Leave ATLANTIC CITY-Weekdays—Express
7.3 i, 9.00.10.15 A. M. 2.50, 5.30, P. M. Accom
modations 8.05, A.M., 4.05 P. M. Sundays
—Express—4.3o,7.Bo P M. Accommodation
7.15 A. M., 4.05 P. M.
Parlor cars on all express trains.
For CAPE MAY—Weekdays— 9.ls a. m.. 4.15,
5.00 p m. Sundays—9.ls am.
For OCEAN CITY -Weekdays—9.lsa. m„ 4.15
p m. Sundays- 9.15 a. m.
For SEA ISLE ClTY—\Veekdays--9.15 a. m.
0.00 p. in.
NEW YORK AND ATLANTIC CITY
EXPRESS.
Leave NEW YORK (Liberty Street) 3.40 P. M
Leave ATLANTIC CITY, 8.30 A. M.
Detailed time tables at ticket offices.
W. O. BESLER, EDSON J WEEKS
Gen. Superintendent General Agent
JOHN W. FARNSWORTH
INSURANCE
Life Fire Accident ami Steal Boiler
______ *
/
Office: Montgomery Building, Mill street,
Danville, - - Penn'a
'™ : r • r ; ■ :: fnof-t-f:;-
where all othcra foil, Cou-hs, Cvv-p, So:\
Thioat, Hcarsca.-r:*, V/hfo- ! r.j Cough ani
Asthma. For Consumption it has no rival;
has cured thousands, cr>d 'Will CURS YOU if
taken in time. Sold by Drnggista cn a guar,
antee. For a Limo llack or Chpft, upa
SHILOH'S BELLADONNA PLASTtK^i
SHILOH'S/4 CATARRH
j lave you catarrh 1 'this roruedy Jsgnaraa
teed to euro you. Price. Wcu. Injector frca.
POfctehf*U«r'« Facliih DUaniil llraa*.
EEINYRQYAL PILLS
I Original and Only Genuine. A
tr-rySUK ©Arc, AI»AJ» rciiabk. LAOitOMfc^^
'• Dra*«l«t for CkichMUr i Bnqlitk Di» JmK\
Brand in lied aud Gold mcU!llc\\W
""Aiod with blue ribbon. Toko
Tn other. Refua* dang*rou» tuhstitu- ▼
\ J - jtftion* and im»taixon*. At Prugriete. or tend Co.
112 Jjf in wtATv.ps for pArticalArt, t-ptncoclAl< Ml
\my JO •• Relief for Ladle*" *« lett£r - *J
[T JMoil. 10,000 TrttimonloU. b'mmt F«par.
~ / *» nil Orn(«l<iu. ('hlohciUr Chemical £•*
2400 lludltuß
Red I Suppresses
Mensfruitlon
Cross PAINFUL
T« M *»«. Nmtruatlon
I dIISV And aPREVENTIVB lor
■ V * i IW J FIMAIE - 1
■ ■ | IRREGULARITIES
ill Are Safe and Reliable.
I 111 {s^j>erfectj2jj^rmles9
The Ladies' Xj£&"fe
PRICESI.oO .(&//£kf
Sent postpaid on receipt of
price. Money refunded if not as .
* y - Yin de Cinchona Co.
Des Moines, lowa.