North Branch democrat. (Tunkhannock, Pa.) 1854-1867, July 26, 1865, Image 1

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    TTA CT trfIY !0 KL ISProprietor.]
new series,
A weekly Democratic
paper, devoted to Poli %
tic, News, the Arte -jl -Alirf^rm^k
and Sciences Ac. Pub- " ■
ished every Wednes- g
pay, at Tunkhannock * n Sfc^^yfrfr^
Wyoming County, Pa yi" '\ U I"
BY HARVE Y SICKLER
Terms —1 copy 1 year, (in advance) $2.00
net pain within six months, 82.50 will be charged
NO paper will be DISCONTINUED, until all a
rear*gee are paid; unless at the option of publisher.
AUVERTISINO^
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EXECUTORS, ADMINISTRATORS and AUDI
TOR'S NOTICES, of the usual length, 82,50
OBITUARIES,- exceeding ten lines, each ; RELI
GIOUS and LITERARY NOTICES, not of genera
interest, one half the aegular rotes.
Business Cards of one square, with paper, 85.
• JOB WORK
of all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit
the times.
All TRANSIENT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
WORK must be paid for, when ordered.
fusing gjata.
GEO. S. TUTTON, ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Tunkhonnock, Pa. Office in Stark's Brick
I eck, Ttoga street
,R. LITTLE, ATTORNEY AT LAW
Office on Tioga street, Tunkhannock Pa.
WN. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW, 01
fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tunk
" bannock, Pa.
H S.COOPER, PilYSlcrAN A SURGEON
• Newton Centre. Luzerne County Pa.
&jio fuejilfr §)mtSL
HARHISBURG, PENNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
" BUEIILER HOUSE " property, has already com
menced such alterations and improvements as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of Ilari-i*'"""-*-
A oontinuanee of the public patronage is refpcct
fully solicited.
3 GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE,
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA.
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in the latest style Every attention
will he given to the comfort and convenience of those
mho patronize the House.
T. B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor ;
Tunkhannock, September 11, IS6I.
I>K. .T. C- BECKER .
PHYSICIAN As SURGEON,
Would respectfully announce to the citizcnsof Wy
ming, that he has located at Tunkhannock where
he will promptly attend to all calls in the line of
hia profession.
EST Will be found at home on Saturdays of
•aeh week
NORTHBRAW CHH 07£ L,
MESHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA
Wb. H. CORTRIGHT, Prop'r
HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above
Hotel, the undersigned will spare no effort to
vender the house an agreeable place of sojourn for
all who may favor it with their custom.
Win. H. CCRTRIIIHT.
June, 3rd, 1863
Pots Intel,
TOWANX3A, PA.
D. B. BARTLET,
(Lata of the Bbrairard HOUSE, ELMIRA, N. Y.
PROPRIETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, U one of the LARGEST
•nd BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
is fitted up in the most modern and improved style,
•ad no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and
agreeable stopping-place for all,
v 3, n2l, ly.
CLARKE, KEENEY, CO.,
MANUFACTURERS AND WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
LADIES', MISSES' & GENTS'
silfeanti£amiitete§)ats
AND JOBBERS IN
HATS, CAPS, FURS, STRAW GOODS,
PAIASOLS AND UMBRELLAS.
BUFFALO AND FANCY ROBES,
840 BTLOADW A -y y
CORNER OF LEONARD STREET,
HSW
8. F. CLARKE, I
A. C KEENE T, (
M. L KEENEY, J
M. GILMAX^
OILMAN, has permanently located in Tunk
• bannock Borough, and respectfully tenders his
professional services to the citizens of this place and
urrounding country.
FACT L ION ORK WARRANTEI >. T0 gIVE SATIS-
over Tqttou's Law Office, near the Pus
I>w', 11,186|
§ ftfgto 14 A Wfe i
iite 11 nil farattch Hc tn IHT,U .
MANHOOD.
Third Edition, Fifty Thousand, 96 pages
cloth covers,
By ROBT. E, BELL, M. D.,
Member of the Royal College of Surgeons. London,
addressed to youth, the married, and those
CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE.
Sent by mail, post paid, on receipt of TEN CENTS
A careful perusal of this small book has been a
BOON TO THE AFFLICTED ! !
and has saved thousands from a life of misery and
AN UNTIMELY GRAVE,
It treats on the evils of Youthful Indiscretion, Self-
Abuse, Seminal Weakness, Emissions, Sexnal Dis
eases, Genera! Debility.Loss of Power, Nervousness,
Premature Decay, Impotence, <fcc.. <fcc., which unfit
the sufferer from fulfilling the
OBLIGATIONS OF MARRIAGE.
and illustrates the moans of cure by the use of
IMPORTANT
"MMF' 1 ' 1 * 0 ™ CE.
and other treatment necessary in some cases and
which
Never fails to Cure and can be Relied on.
They do not nauseate the stomach, or render the
breath offensive, and they can be
USED WITHOUT DETECTION.
They do not interfere with business put suits, and
are speedy in action.
NO CHANGE OF DIET IS NECESSARY.
They are Warranted in <d Cases,
to be effectual in removing and curing the disease.
Upwards ot two thousand cases are on record that
HAVE BEEN CURED
by using BELL'S SPECIFIC PILLS, and certifi
cates can b e shown from many that have used them
No Case of Fa lure ever Occurs.
Upwards of a Hundred Physicians use them ex
tensively in their private practice, and they can
not effect cures without them.
BELL'S SPECIFIC PILLS.
Are the original and only genuine Specific Pill
There are a host oi imitators—BEWAßE OF
Til EM
THESE ARE WARRANTED.
They are adapted for male or female, old or young,
and are the only reliable remedy known for the
cure ol all diseases arising from
YOUTHFUL INDISCRETION.
In all sexual Diseases, as Gonorrhea, Stricture,
Gleet, and in all Urinary and Kidney eomplaiuts,
THEY ACT LIKE A CHARM.
Relief is experienced by taking a single box ; and
from four to six boxes generally effect a cure-
SOLI) B\ DRUGGISTS GENERALLY, in boxes
containing six pills, price 81. or six boxes $5 ; also
iu larg- boxes, c-outairing four of the small, price 83
It you need the Book or the Pills, cut out this
advertisement for reference, and if you cannot pro
cure them of your druggist, do not be imposed on
by any otner remedy, but enclose the money in a
to tin, nninriei'
DR. J. ERiA.y, HO. Y 5079,
442 BROADWAY. N. Y.
who will take all risk if properly directed, and will
sen.l the Pills, secured from observation, by return
mail, p st Paid.
SOLD L Y DR UGGISTS GENERALL Y.
ni boxes containing S.xty pills.
DUMAS BARNES A CO., NEW York,
Wholesale Agents.
IMPORTANT TO LADIES.
The Private Medical Adviser.
An invaluable treatise of 64 pages, by
DR. JOHN HARVEY.
published for the benefit of the sex.
On receipt of TEN CENTS, it will be sent
post paid, ira sealed envelope to all who apply
for it.
It gives a concise description of all the diseaseses
peculiar to females, together with means of cure, |
and treats of Conception, Pregnacy , Miscarriage,
Sterility, Sexual Abuses, Prolapsus Uteri, Fe
male Weakness, Consumption, \c.. and much
othar valuable information not published in any
other work.
Every lady should procure a copy without delay.
Three Editions, 50,000 each,
| have already been published & distributed this year
m a aril bbbbib^
the most infallible and popular remedy ever known
for all diseases of the female sex. They have been
used in m iny thousand cases with unfailing success
—and may be reiied on in everp case for which they
are recommended, and particularly in all cases aris
ing from
OBSTRUCTION, OR STOPPAGE OF NATURE,
no matter from what cause it arises. Tbey are ef
fectual in restoring to health all who are suffering
from WcaAmess and Debility, Uterine Discharges.
Nerrousncss , tj-c-, and they
ACT LIKE A CIIA R M !
in strengthening and restoring the system. Thous
ands ot ladies who have suffered for years and tried
various other remedies in vain, owe a renewal of
their health and strength wholly to the efficacy of
DR. EAR VE Y'S FEMALE PILLS.
They are not a new discovery but a long tried rem
edy—the celebrated
I)K, JOHN HAKVEX,
one of the most eminent physicians, prescribed thorn
for many years in his private practice, and no phy
sician was more truly popular or widely known than
hsrn in the treatment cf
FEMALE DIFFICULTIES
All who have used Dr, Harvey's Female Pills
recommend them to others. Nurses recommend
them— Druggists and Dealers recommend them in
preference to other medicines,because of their merits
No lady objects to take them for tbey are elegantly
PKKPAKED BY AN EXPERIENCED CHEMIST
They ar perfectly harmless on the system, may
be taken at any time with perfect safety ; but dur
ing the early stages of Pregnancy they should
not be taken, or a miscarriage may be the result. —
They never cause any sickness, pain or distress.
Each box contains sixty pills and full directions
for use.
Price One Dollar.
Cut this notice out if you desire Dr. liar- I
j rei/s Pills or Book, and if you cannot procure
them of your druggists, do not take any other for
some dealers who are unprincipled will recomend
other Female Pills, they can make a larger projit
an—but enclose the money and send direct to
Dr. J. BY RAN, General Agent,
Bo x 5079 . 442 BROADWAY. N. Y.
Who will take all risk if properly directed ; and
you will receive them post paid, securely scaled
from observation, by return mail
SOLD BY DRV ■ 71 EI'ERALLY.
DEMAS BAllNi-S L CO., NEW York,
Wholesale Ag*n
v4D 29 j
"TO SPEAK HIS THOUGHTS IS EVERY FREEMAN'S RlGHT.—Thomas Jefferson.
TUNKHANNOCK, PA., WEDNESDAY, JULY 26, 1866.
DICK'S INFATUATION.
BY MISB A. L. MUZZF.T.
"You are beside yourself, Dick," I said, as
entering our private sitting-room late one
morning, I caught him covertly kissing a
withered knot of violets which bore a suspi
cious resemblance to those adorning the cor
sage of dainty Laura Miller the previous ev
ening.
"What do you mean by that remark, Miss
Caustic?" he asKed, hurriedly thrusting the
love-token out of sight, and takiDg up a late
Review to cover his confusion.
"You are making a fool of yonrself, Dick,"
I ssid unequivocally
My brother recovered his dignity in a
trice,
"There is some redeeming grace, I suppose,
in having a strong-minded Bister who never
indulges in such pastimes," he answered,
drily.
"Exactly; and still more in having the
ability to appreciate said sister's admirable
qualities. But now, in sober earnest, Dick,
I warn you that Laura Miller"—
I paused in astonishment at the fiery flush
that suffused his handsome face as I sjtoke
that magic name. Who would have believed
that my stately, self-possessed brother could
have blushed like a very school-girl at men
tion of her first love ?
"Laura Miller is an unmitigated coquette,"
I concluded, emphatically.
'■By what authority do you make such an
assertion ?" he asked, in an offended tone.
"By the authority of my sense, and, if that
is not sufficient, by the universal consent of
her dupes and victims. If you doubt file
truth my opinions, goto them for a de*
cision of the matter."
"I shall do nothing of the kind. lam per-
R-ctly satisfied to trust my own judgment in
(he case. Ido not consider Miss Miller's
rejection of numerous suitors a proof of her
beanltssness, but on the contrary, I think it
a testimonial of her superior truthfulness and
integrity in not bestowing her hand where
-he could not give her heart."
"Nonsense ! No one could wish her to do
that. But she leads her admirers to be
tieve the former engaged before the lattct is
- >licited "
"1 don't belßve it. Vanity may have so
niseoustrued her. but I am confident that
'>e never purpo>ely encouraged the attention
•f u man she coutd not love. A more guile
less being never existed. I know that she
is not a favorite with the majority of her own
sex. They imagine her (rans, simple, artless
manner mere affectation, because they have
not themselves that purity of heart which
prompts her every action. But I long ago
learned to put no faith whatever in oue wo
man's opinions regarding another. 1 never
yet knew her to give a fair and impartial
judgment in the case. Good morning !"
And brother Dick threw down the Review
which he had made the pretence of reading,
and with a very cold bow walked straight
of the room.
Ileigho ! Was there ever a man who liked
to be told he was mistaken in his views up
on any subject, more especially if the sub
jeet happened to be a woman ?
Thereafter Dick devoted himself more as
sidously than ever to Laura Miller. In hr
presence, he was absent to all others. To
speak the truth, she was as perfectly irrestst
ible and fascinating a creature as I ever met
with, and might have deceived the very elect
by one of her bewitching glances, and half a
dozen of her melting words.
I should not so much havo wondered at
Dick's entanglement if he had not known
her reputation for coquetry, and if he had
not also been a silent looker on, while other
noble hearts, lured by deceitful favor, were
being offered np to her insatiate vanity
And now that his time has come, and the
fair, bewildering will o'-the-wisp had flick
ered her treacherous light across his way
he followed eagerly, surrendering himself
wholly to her guidance yet in his foolish
simplicity fondly cheating himself that he
was the wooer, and not the wooed— the cap
tor and not tho captured.
But perhaps, after ail, this was not sur
prising either, for the skillful little lady nev
er condacted two campaigns alike,—by some
peculiarity of treatment impressing her dupe
that he was without precedent in her re
gards,—=o tha tihe lady always fancied him
self the favored man. T think she must have
thoroughly studied the heart she proposed to
carry captive before laying her plans for a
Beige, and varied her tactics accordingly, be
ing grave, dignified, and sedate with one ;
gay, piquant, charming with a second ; pen
sive, tender, and sentimental with a third 5
learned, wi'ty, brilliant with a fourth, and so
on indefinitely, like St. Paul, making her
self "all things to all men," though with a
different purpose, and wholly irresistible iu
every phaze.
With Dick, she was timid, childlike, and
confiding, deferring sweetly to his opinion
on every occasion, looking at him with wor
shipful eyes, and listening with the most
profound attention when be spoke. She
would meet his love-confessing glances with
a frank open gaze, (as ingenius as 'a little
child's ; then, as his tender meaning seemed
slowly to dawn upon her, the blushes would
surge over her beautiful face, and dye even
her pearly neck with their crimson stain,
and her eyes would fall, and her head droop
in the prettiest confusion imaginable, while
poor, bewtldere 1 Dick looked on as if he
thought her the most delicious, enchanting,
bewitching, enrapturing, seraphic creature
that was ever named woman.
It was at a party given oy an intimate
friend near the last of the season, that, grow
ing weary of the glare, the music, the danc
ing, and the feasting, I stole away unnoticed
to a familiar reading-room, situated in a dis
tant wing of the house, and curling up iD a
luxurious chair that stood in the curtained
recess of one of its windows, surrendered
myself to tho enjoyment of a few brief mo
ments of quiet and repose. But my selfish
pleasure was of short duration, for I pres
ently heard the sound of approaching feet,
and a murmur of voices which I instantly
recognized as those of Dick and Laura. My
first impulse was to retreat and leave them
to the solitude they were in)6earch of; but on
reflection I resolved to hold my place, justi
fying myself in the thought that I was not
an intentional eavesdropper, though 1 must
own to a womanly curiosity as to the man
ner in which Laura would receive tb; con
fession which some instinct told me was
about to be made.
Tbey sauntered slowly into the room, con
versing in low, tender, confiding tones, and
brushing past me, sat. down upon a tete a
tete in such close proximity to my shadowy
hiding place, that 1 must have been discov
ered but for their entire absorption in them
selves.
They had been more engrossed in each
other than ever that evening, if such a thing
were really possible. Every one was re
marking upon their wrapt devotion, and
meaning smiles were interchanged by those
who had good reason for knowing how the
affair would end.
1 could see in the dim light that Dick's
eloquent face was all aglow with passionate
tenderness, as he bent low over his timid
and expectant companion, and his deep mu
sical voice vibrated with iutcßse feeling as
he told his love in brave, honest, manly
woiilo | wutic JLittui auiia Mtjvu t'luoui&ib
and trembling, yielded little by little to his
clasping arm, until her siren face lay against
his breast, flushed and burnin-j with his idol
atrous kisses. Then hurriedly starting from
his embrace ,as if suddenly smitten with a
sense of the impropriety of the whole pro
ceeding, she exclaimed, in tones of conster
nation and displeasure—
"Mr, Harrington, what do you mean 7"
"1 love you, Laura," he said, seeking to
draw hor again to his bosom.
"But you mustn't—indeed you must not !*'
she cried, shrinking slightly away. "I I
love—the fact is," she continued, with lu
dicrous distress, I'm engaged, Mr. Ilarring
ton."
"Laura!"
"Yes. J supposed you were acquainted
with the truth. I'm sure I never dreamed
that you felt other than a brotherly regard
for me."
"Laura !"
"Please don't look at me in that way, Mr
Harrington. 1 really had no thought you
cared for me, excepting in a hum drum, stu
pid brotherly fashion, you know."
"It has not needed to-night's confession to
assure you of my love, Laura. You have
known it long, and you never repulsed ine."
Hypocrite and dissembler as she was, she
could not look in his grove, truthful face and
deny his words, and 6lie sat awkwardly twirl
ing her fau, until no longer able to endure
his 6tern, silent regaad, she pouted her red
lips prettily, and said, half petulantly—
"Come, Come, Mr. llarrington £ do put off
that woful visage, and take me back to the
drawing-room. People will begin to remark
our absence."
He smMcd a little contemptuously, think
ing. no doubt, of the many times she had lin
gered apart with him, untroubled by any such
scruples.
"You have added another to your list
conquests," he raid slowly, "but you have
lost in womonly dignity and honor infinitely
more than you have gained, 1 feel more of
shame or you this moment than I do of sor
row for the frustration of my own late hopes,
for since you have given me this revelation of
yourself I cannot sufficiently express my grat
itt.de for your rejection of my suit. I pity
you, Laura Miller, from my soul I pity you
for the misarable, petty ends for which you
live "
He rose and rravely offered her his arm,
which she. with Rteadily averted face, silent
ly accepted, and they passed out of the room,
in appearance as little like the pair that had
entered there a half hour before as could well
be imagined.
"Dids't thou clasp a fair woman, Ludwig, Lud-
And find her an Elle-mnid gay 1"
1 quoted, as Dick and I Rat toeetber the
next day, he looking wretched and crestfallen
' like a man newly convicted of his errors.
' He gave uie a quick, 6tartled penetrating
glance. I crossed the space between us, and
sat down on the ottoman at his feet.
''Dick," I confessed, 'T was concealed be
hind the cartains in the reading-room last
night when you entered with Miss Miller,
and as 1 couldn't think of yielding my com
fortable position, and was minus any cotton
to put in my ears, 1 had the pleasure of lis
tening to your proposal to that 'guileless be
ing,' and of witnessing the 'frank, simple,
artless manner' in which she received the
same."
The blood mounted in a crimson tide to
his face, and for a moment he seemed half
inclined to be angry.
"It was a pretty farce, was it not?" he
asked, recovering.
"Very pretty; 1 especially admired the
winding np of the 6cene."
"Don't you feel triumphant ?" he asked
presently.
"1 ? why should 1. Dick ?"
"Why don't you say, woman fashion—T
told you so ?"
"Now, D'ck, don't show your weakness
by beginning to jibe at our sex. 1 would so
gladly confess the error of my judgment in
the case of Miss Miller if the truth of yours
could theieby be established."
"1 cannjt, unfortunately. It is a matter
of ever increasing wonder to me how 1 could
have been so utterly blinded," he added, af
ter a long pause. "1 can see nothing to
enchant me now in her who did entice me.
1 atn like recovering from a fit of in
toxication—peifectly loathing the cause
winch led to degrade me, and full of self
abhorance that 1 could be so weakly seduced.'
Au Affecting Scene at the White House.
Efforts were made during all of Thursday
night, bv counsel and friends to secure a re
prieve for Mrs. Suratt, but President John
son declined to tnteifere. About half past 8
o'clock, Friday morning, Miss Suratt accom
panied by a female friend, visited the Whitc
llouse, having been there last evening for
the purpose of obtaining an interview with
the President. President Johnson having
given orders that he would receive no one
that day, the doorkeeper stopped Miss Sarat
at the foot of the steps leading up to the
President's office, and would not permit her
to proceed further. She then asked permis
sion to see General Muzzy, the President's
Military Secretary, who promptly answerer!
the summons and came down stairs where
Miss Suratt was standing. As soon as the
General made his appearance Miss Suratt
threw herself upon her knees before him,and
catching him by the coat, with loud sobs and
streaming eyes, implored him to assist her
in obtaining a hearmg with the President
General Muzzy in a tender manner informed
Miss that he could not comply
with her request, as President Johnson's
orders were imperative that he should re
ceive no one. Upon General Muzzy return
ing to his office, Miss S. threw herself upon
the stairs, where she remained a considers
ble length of time sobbing aloud in the great
est anguish, protesting her mother's inno
cence, and imploring every one who came
near her to intercede in her mother's behalf.
While thus weeping she declared her mother
was too good and kind to be guiltv of the
enormous crime of which she was convicted,
and asserted that ifher mother was put to
death r.he wished to die also. The scene
was heart-rending, and many of those who
witnessed it, including a number of hardy
soldiers, were moved to tears. Miss S. hav
ing become quieted, gave vent to her feelings
in silent tears, and was finally persuaded to
take a seat in the East Room, where
she remained for several hours, jumping up
from her seat each time the front door of the
mansion was opened, evidently in hopes of
seeing some one enter who could be of ser
vice to her in obtaining the desired interview
with the President, or that they were beir
ers of good news to her. Two of Harrold's
sisters, dressed in full mourning and heavily
veiled, made their appearanoe at the White
House shortly after Miss Suratt, for the pur
pose of interceding with the President in be
half of their brother. Failing to see the
President, they addressed a note to Mrs.
Johnson and expressed a hope that she wo'd
not turn a deaf ear to their pleadings. Mrs.
Johnson being quite sick it was deemed ex
pedient by the ushers not to deliver the note,
when, as a last expedient, the ladies asked
permission to forward a note to Mrs. Patter
son,'he President's daughter, which privil
ege was not granted, as Mrs. P. was also
quite indisposed.— Correspondent Boston
j Times.
The Rev. Robert. Hall, disgusted by
the egotism and conceit of a preacher, who,
with a mixture of self-complacency and im-'
pudence, challenged his admiration of a ser
mon, was provoked to say ; "Yea, there was
one very fine passage of your discourse, sir.'
"1 am rejoiced to hear ynu say so—which
was it Why'sir, it was the passage
fjom tho pulpit into the vestry."
<t ii Jitß: <•. .■
car An Irish painter advertises in Eng
aod a picture of Death as large as life.
—j
The talk of women is generally about the
men. Even their laugh is but' he !he !
TiEiiMa 02.00 PBR Amroai
CORRY O'LANVS AT THE OIL
GIONS,
I have reached the land of oil, having to*
ken a safer route than the Erie.
Pennsylvania is a good sized State but it
takes some lime to get there.
When you do get here you wish you had
not come.
There is plenty of oil—and that is all ex
cept lots of people.
lam for ''Snake Run," the most likliett
place for oi 1.
They call these places runs because every
person who is after oil runs here.
Every man you meet is a president, direct
or or and engineer of a petroleum company.
The natives, who are white people resets*
ble country folks, live by selling land to
greenhorns.
They have a system in both transactions.
They double the price of land every morn
ing.
If you know anybody who has got a couple
of vacant lots that he wants to sell tell him
to briDg them out here.
The folks arc so busy looking for oil they
havn't time to build honses, and every body
is afraid to put up a house for fear he might
cover an ile well.
Consequently the hotels are a little crowd
ed.
The Muggins house where I put up is much
so.
Muggins the proprietor, is the most accom
modating man you ever saw. A city railroad
conductor isn't a circumstance to him.
He has only got six beds in the house but
he is always ready to take in everybody.
lie took me in.
Also two hundred more petroleum pi I.
gritns.
The sleeping accommodations are various.
We go to bed on pautaloons*
W lien the first pantaloons get asleep they
are carefully taken est and hung on a close*
line. The second pantaloons go through the
same process, until everybody is provided
for.
Preferring to sleep alone, I slept 011 the
mantle piece with the coal scuttle for a pil*
low.
As I observed land is precious out here.
I boughi a lot ten inches by four, for ten
hundred thousand dollars, and commonced
operations.
The next thing is tn onm m"ni hnrinir.
Ton want a sharp bore. A public lecture
won't do. neither will a skating gimblet.
I took a orace and bit and went in.
Got down about seven thousand feet into
the bowels of the land, when I came to an
impediment.
Found that I had struck a Pre-adamite
rock of ossified strata of the Silurian forma
tion.
That is geology, aDd you perhaps won't
understand it, but I will explain It all in tbo
paper to the Historical Society I am about
writißg.
Got a candle and went down to see about
it-
Found a big Megathereum about six hnn
dred feet long, and nine wide, in a capital
state of preservation.
1 got him and will send him along, by ex
press.
Went on boring through forty feet of sand
stone.
There encountered a strange smell of snl
pher, which alarmed the native who sold me
the land, and to ease his conscience gave
back the money, and wanted me to stop bor
ing.
Told him 1 was bound to keep on until 1
struck ile, or come to the other side of crea
tion.
Bored on. Went through t about sixty
thousand feet more, when suddenly the brace
and bit went in, and there was a report like
that made by Butler's powder boat thai
didn't blow up Ft Fisher.
Things were slightly confused for a time.—
A section of Pennsylvania went up, and 1
went up with it. 1 guess I must have come
down again, and the next idea I had was finch
ing myself comfortable, hung over the close
line at Muggins Hotel.
An investigation into the matter showed;
that I had struck into a gas factory in
and killed half a million of Chinese.
Th casualties on our side were confined, to*
one native and a small dog.
I havn't given up yet.
The folits here are very encouraging : they
will stick to a man as long as ho has a cant
left, and I never knew Muggins to turn a.
man out of his hotel to pay his bill.
A kind-hearted chap offered me another
piece of land, the size of a stove plate, withia
a mile and a half of a seven hundred barrel
well, for the reasonable figure of half a mil*
lion and two thirds of the oil,
1 had concluded that boring for oil is nob
so profitable as bleedirg the public.
1 shall start an oil company on more lib
eral terms than any yet offered 1 shall be
prepared to guarantee anything. The capi
tal will be a million of dollars, divided iota
two million shares, at fifty cents each.
Dividends of two hundred per oent. wiH
be paid weekly, in addition to wbicb each
subscriber will have a season ticket for Lani
gan's Ball, a new hat, a farm near La Oroaap,
and a ton of coal at market price.
The "Scaly Run" Petroleum Company will
be the biggest thing in oil In the market,
1 am going to arrange the business as aeon
as mv friends send me the money to pay my
wav back.
1 am yours oileaginiously.
Coaav O'LANVS.
VOL. 4 NO. 49