fire Slodli f ranch Democrat SlCltrjEll, Proprietor.! NEW SERIES, Ifortli Bra iirli Bmotrah A weekly Democratic rJ paper, devoted to Pol tics, News, the Arts Jj LiLj r I and Sciences Ac. Tub- a.A. A A !ished every Wcdnes- B'l^SnC day, at Tunkhannock, :&"} ! f ; Wyoming County, Pa. . v it/jStf U i ' BY HARVEY SICKLER. Terms—l copy 1 year, (in advance) -81.50. If not pain within six months, £2.09 will bo charged ADVERTISING . 10 lines orl , less, make three four two fnrcc six I one one square icceks iceefes mo th nw I th mu'th year 1 Square 1,001 1,25 2,251 2,87 3.00 5,00 2 do. 2.00 2,50 ; 3.25, 3.50' -1,50 6,00 3 do. 3,00? 3,75, 4,75; 5,50? 7,00 9,00 I Column. 4,00? 4,50' 6.50 8,00 10,00 15,00 do. 6,00' 7,00:10,00 12?00. 17,00 25.00 do. 8,00? 9.50 ; 14 00 18,00 25,00 s 35,00 1 do. 10,00 12,00117,00 22,00 28,00 s 40,00 Business Cards of one square, with paper, $5. JOB wonii of all kinds neatly executed, and at prices to suit the times. fusiiuss D?flticßS. BACON STAND.— Nichoi sou. Pa. C. L JACKSON, Proprietor. [vln49tf] HS. COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SURGEON • Newton Centre, Luzerne County Pa. GEO. S. TUTTON, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Tunkhannock, Pa. Office in Stark's Biick Block, Tioga street. WM. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW, Of fice in Stark's Brick Block, Tioga St., Tunk hannock, Pa. RR. A S, W, ■/ITTI.E ATTORNEY'S AT, LAW, Office on Tioga street, Tunkhannock Pa. HARVEY SICKUER, ATTORNEY AT LAW and GENERAL INSURANCE AGENT- Of fice, Bridge street, opposite Wall's Hotel, Tunkhan nock. Pa. DR. J. C. CORSEI.IUS, IIA VINO LOCAT ED AT THE FALLS, WILL promptly attend all calls in the line of his profession—uiay be found fit Beemer's Hotel, when not professionally absent Falls, Oct. 10, ISGI. I) H . J C BK< I KHI TIx: Co., PHYSICIANS VT SURGEONS, Would respectfully announce to the citizens of Wy tuing that they have located at Tunkhannock wher hey will promptly attend to all calls in the line of peir profession. May he found at his Drug Storo When not professionally absent. JM. CAREY, M. T>.— (Graduate of the q * M. Institute, Cincinnati) would respectfully announce to the citizens of Wyoming and Luzerne Counties, that he continues his regular practice in the various departments of his profession. May no found it his office or residence, when not professionally üb cnt Particular attention given to the treatment Chronic Diseag. entremorelaud, Wyoming Co. Pa.—v2n2 WALL'S HOTEL, Is ATE AMERICAN HOUSE/ TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PA THIS establishment has recently been refitted and furnished in tbo latest style Every attention will be given to the comfort and convenience of those who patronize the House. T. B. WALL, Owner anl Proprietor. Tunkhannock, September li, 1861. MAYNARB'S HOTEL, TUNKHANXOCK, WYOMING COUNTY, PENNA. JOHN NAYN AKI), Proprietor. HAVTXG taken the Hotel, in tlie Borough of Tunktiannoek. recently occupied by Riley Warner, the proprietor respectfully solicits a share of pHblic patronage. The Houfe has been thoroughly repaired, and the comforts and accomodations of a first class Hotel, will be found by ail who may favor t with their custom. September 11, 1861. WORTH BRANCH HOTEL, MESHOPPEN. WYOMING COUNTY, PA Win. 11. CORTRICJIIT, Prop"r HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above Hotel, the undersigned will spare no effort to lender the house an agreeable place ot sojourn for /il who may favor it with their custom. Win. II CCRTItIIinT. June, 3rd, 1863 mTgilman; DENTIST. ■ \,T GTLMAN, has permanently located in Tun'--.- t'l. bannock Borough, and respectfully tenders his professional services to the citizens of this place and nrrounding country. ALL WORK WARRANTED. TO GIVE SATIS FACTION. I<?f"Office over Tntton's Law OfEca, near the Pos Office. Dee. 11, 1861. TO NERVOUS SUFFERERS OF HOTII SEXES. A REVEREND GENTLEMAN HAVING BEEN restored to health in a few days, after undergoing all the usual routine and irregular expensive modes of treatment without success, considers it his sacred du ty to communicate to his afflicted fellow creatures the means of cure. Hence, on the receipt of au ad dressed envelope, he will send (free) a copy of the prescription used. Direct to I>r John M. Daoxai.l, 168 Fulton Street. Brooklyn. New York. v2n24ly THE CONFESSIONS AND EXPERIENCE OF A NERVOUS INVALID. Published for the benefit and as a caution to young men. and others, who suffer from Nervous Debility, Early Decay, und their kindred aliments —supplyin" the means of self-cure. By ono who has cured him self after being a victim of misplaced confidence in medical humbug and quackery. By enclosing n post paid directed envelope, singlo copies may bo had of the author, Nathaniel Alaveair, E-. Bedford, Kings County, New York.— v 3 iilo-ly |M's Corner. SPEAK GENTLY TO THE ERRING. Speak gontly to the erring— Ye know rot all the power With which the dark temptation came In some unguarded hour ; Ye may not know how earnestly They strugled or how well; Until the hour of weakness came, And sadly thus they fell ! Speak gently to the erring— Oh ! do not thou forgot, However darkly stained by sin, He is thy brother yet. Heir of the self-same heritage, Child of the self-same God, He hath stumbled in the path Thou hast in weakness trod. Speak gently to the erriag— For is it not enough That innocence and peace are gone, Without thy censuro rough I It surely is a weary lot That sin crushed heart to bear; Anil they who share a happier fate Their ehidings well may spare. Speak kindly to the erring— Tbon jet mayst lead him back, With holy words, and tones of love, From mis'ry's thorny track ; Forget not thou hast sinn'd, And sinful yet must be ; Deal kindlv with the erring one, As God hath dealt with thee ! THE LAST SILVER DOLLAR. 'Tis the last silver dollar, Left shining alone. All its laughing companions Have melted and gone. Not a coin of its kindred, No specie is D\gh To echo back softly Its silvery sigh. You must leave bright dollar, The last of my few, Since thy mates have departed, Skedaddle thou too. Thus, kinkly, I send the To wander afar, So soon may I follow, When thou art no more, And I a wreck of starvation On shinpiaster shore. When the purse never jingles. And shiners have flown, Oh ! who can feel wealthy On pictures alone. THE BRIDAL OF HEATH. o Everybody was astonished when Francis Clavering relinquished his splendid position in society and retired to the country. Young handsome, accomplished, brilliant in conver sation, and the possessor of a princely for tune, L'lavering had reigned supreme in the gay world. llis grace, beauty, and sparkling wit won the love and admiration of w nneii ; his skill in billiards, horsemanship, shooting, and all manly accomplishments, made hiui a favorite with the men. Frank (Havering was tiie arbiter clegautia rum in all matters relating to dress, dancing, dinners, games, and singing. From the cut ot a coat to the praises of a poet, his decision was law—from it tl ere was no appeal. Woa to the unlucky poet or singer, who fell under his contemptuous criticisms ; for, if he was damned by Clave ring he was damned indeed. If ho pionounced a lady to be ill-looking, she must be in spite of nature and art. lls wit ty sayings went round the town they were repealed at the clubs, adu whispered in draw ing rooms This elegant trifler, this gay exquisite, this king of clubs ami drawing-room hero, had commenced life full of sweet hopes and golden aspirations ; lie longed to place his name among those bright spirits whose gen ius has illuminated the world. Hut the se ductive smiles of pleasure beguiled him fr< tu the path of fame—he stood like a swimmer, undecided for a moment, and then plunged in to the bath of luxury. Hours, which were once devoted to books, were now devoted to billiards; hours which were once passed with Shakespeare, Addison and Goldsmith, were passed with gay, dissipated young men. The quiet library was abandoned for the noi bv club; the instructive lecture room for the bril'ian! ball-room. But the noble spirit of Francis Clavcring began to tire of this unceasing round of dis sipation and folly. He discovered, like By ron, that life's enchanted cup sparkles only near the brim ; that pleasures which appear so fair and attractive to the sight, turn, like Dead Sea (rutt, to ashes on the lips. He re solved to withdraw from the facinating scirrcn where he had lingered to long, and seek in the retirement of the country that sweet happines which the gay world could not give. While contemplating this retreat, Claver ing received a sudden aud forcible blow.— The lady upon whom lie had lavished all the wealth of his warm and generous heart— whom he had fondly expected to share his retirement—whom he had hoped to be part, ner of his joys and the controller of his sor rows, proved to be a mere coquette—a light, giddy creature, who changed her lover a* olten as her laces. This deep and crushing disappointment drove ClaVering into the country, to lead " A life within itself, to breatha without man kind.'' "TO SPEAK HIS THOUGHTS IS EVERY FREEMAN'S RIGHT. "—Thomas Jefferson. TUNKHANNOCK, PA., WEDNESDAY, DEC. 16, 1863. He selected a wild and picturesque spot, by the side of a beautiful river, where, sur rounded by all the charms of nature, he hoped to pass days in Bwcet tranquillity.— Clavsring took possession of his new home in the lovely month of June, welcomed by the merry songs of birds and the laughing flowers. In this delicious retreat Frank Clavering Entered upon a new existence. lie who had once passed his nights in the splendid scenes of fashionable dissipation—the gay saloon, the dazzling ball-room, the elegant opera— now retired to early and refreshing slumbers. As soon as Aurora, wilh her rosy fingers, had opened the gates of morn, he was up and abroad The sweet, early hours he spent gliding over the crystal stream in his swift boat, and bathing his superb limbs in the cooling waters. Reclining beneath the shady trees, n the midst of rich and brilliant floweis, with the snowy clouds floating in the clear sky above him, his ears enchanted by the music of the birds, and urasing over a favorite poem i r ro mance, the young hermit tasted a purer de light than he had ever found in the crowded hall, or at the merry festive board, 7 One morning as Clavering was taking his accustomed sail along the flowery banks of tho stream, he discried a beautiful bird perch ed on a tree a short distauce from him* Its brilliant plumage and graceful form made him desirous of securing it for the mus.um he was collecting. He directed his boat to the shore, and gun in hand, proceeded to ac cnnplish his design. lie fired, and missed— the bird flew, and Ciavering pursued it, load ing his gun as he ran. The bird lighted in a magnificent grove of oaks. Upon coming up, he fired, but instead of bringing down the game, Frank was brought down himself, hav ing, in the excitement of the chase, put a double load in his gun. Nothing daunted, our sportsman continued tht pursuit through the grove. As he emerged fro n the latter, a delightful and unexpected scene burst up on his sight. A beautiful garden lay stretched out before bathed in the soft splendor of the rising sun ; gorgeous butterflies and industrious bees, flitted from flower to flstwer, feasting on their sweets, and the glad birds carrol their morn ing hymns to the great God of nature. In the centre of the garden, stood a rustic bower, al most buried beneath trailing vines. Imme diately opposite the place occupied by Claver ing, a small white cottage emerged from a wildernes of roses, and clustering honey-suck les. The lower windows and doors of the cottage opened upon a porch, which decended by two r three steps to a gravel walk.— While flavoring was admiring the beautiful scene spread out before him, the cottage door was opened, and a young lady came forth, at tended bv a graceful hound. The whole thing appeared si much like the gorgeous pictures of Fasten poets, that Clav ering almost believed that he had bt'en sud denly transported to an enchanted garden.— He watched the lady, as she descended the porch, and passed with swan-like gcice, to ward the bower. As she approached, her eyes were suddon'y raised to the spot wh re Clavering stood. Startled at the unusual sight of a stranger with a gun, she uttered an exclamation of surprise and terror, and was on the pointfof Hying to the cottage, when Clavering advanced to account for his tines pecfed presence. With that easy elegance of manner, which had been one of his greatest charms in society lie addressed her: "Lady, T owe you many apologies for the fright whicli 1 have occasioned. While pur suing a beatiful bird, I came suddenly on this place, and have been held spell-boun i by all that I have seen and heard. This card will inform you that my name is Francis Flavor tug, a name not unknown in the great city from which I have lately removed, to take up my residence in this neighborhood." With that in ate politeness which every true woman possesses, Nina Eiglemo it—for such was the name of the fair lady—invited hiin to take a seat in the bower ; and with an unaffected simplicity, perfectly ravishing to one so long accustomed to the artificial forms of fashionable life, the beautiful girl sat be side him and they conversed with each other like intimate friends. Flavoring's noble coun tenance and distinguished appearance was sufficient to recomend liitn to the favor of any lady. Gifted with an extraordinary talent for conversation, he possessed the rarer, but most facinating power of drawing others out, (as it is called) and making them talk in a manner pleasing to themselves and to their listeners. He discovered that Nina's mind was naturally, a remarkable fine one, but sadly in need of proper training. The cause of this, Clavering learned from herself. "My father and I have lived here five years, during which time T have seldom seen a conversable being. My father, who is pas -8 onatelv fond of experimental chemistry, passes his days and nights in his laboratory, unrounded by retorts, stiils, and bottles, filled with cri nson, yellow, and green liquids, which he examines, smells, and handles, with infinite care- He will not allow me to entciltliis Sanctum sanctorum, for he says, the curiosity which all tfofnen have inherit ed from mother Eve, would make me handle some of his apparatus, and pfobablo cause an ex doiion. I have been thnm left to my own guidance. My reading has been exten sive, but, I fear, unprofitable. Romance and poetry passess a uever ceasing charm for me, Often have I wandered in laucy through Prospero's island of wonder and enchant ment, and visited Portia's palace at liemont. Often have I read, wilh streaming eyes, Ike sa l story of Juliet's ldve, aud tuo cruel fate of sweet Desdetnona. I have sailied, in im agination. with Byron, over tho blue Med iterranean, and visited wondrous Venice, " Throned on her hundred isles." I have followed Sir Walter Scott to the gay tournament, and distributed the prizes to the gallaut and successful knights." As Nina concluded, the tall but bent figure of a man appeared at tho entrance of the bower. lie fixed his dark, piercing eyes up on Clavering with evident surprise. "My father—Mr Clavering," said Nir.a with a slight embarrassment. Clavering arose, and extended his hand.— Mr. FDaglemont coldly bowed, without touch ing the proffered hand, and a peculiarly dis agreeable expression passed over his face. " Am I right, Mr. Clavering, in supposing you to be a relative of Colonel Reginald Cla vering." "I am the son of Colonel Reginald Claver ing." '• I thought so, from the striking likeness which you bear to hitn." " You knew my father, then V " lie was once my most intimate friend," he answered, with bitter emphasis on the last word. The breakfast was now ready, and Nina invited Mr. Clavering to eat with them. With thanks he declined, and departed. Clavering bad mingled in the high society of many polished cities, and had seen the women of many lands ; the voluptuous beau ties of the East; the black eyed maids of Italy; the sprightly daughters of sunny France ; the fair haired girls of Germany, and the stately women of England ; he had seen them in splendid scenes of courts clothed in m the gorgeous trappings of pride, brilliant with diamonds and jewels ; but this young trr! of eighteen, in a simple white dress, with a fresh rose in her glossy hair, surpassed them all in beauty and grace, " But who can view tho ripened rose, nor seek To wear-it ? Who can curiously behold The smoothness and the sheen of beauty's cheek, Nor feel the heart can never all grow old V Frank Ciavering had left the city a woun ded and disappointed man. By the faithless ness of one, his trust in the women had been shattered—almost destroyed. He saw Nina Eiglemont and his faith was revived, his con fidence was restored ; once more he loved and the object of his passion was worthy of his noble heart. After the first accidental meet ing, already described, Flavoring was a fre qnent and delighted visitor at Nina's bower, ft was his sweet task to road to her his favor ite books while she was occupied with some elegant handiwork. He encouraged her to make observations on what he read, and lis tened with pleasure to her sensible icmarks. He thus gradually introduced Nina into the garden of English literature, and taught her where to find the most beautiful flowers. He directed her appreciative mind to the polish ed essays oj Addison and other courtly wri ters of the reign of Queen Anne. With grand old Milton they walked the flowery paths of Paradise, or joined the glittering train ot Co rnus. They entered ihe family of Vicar of Wakefield, and listened to his simple but touching narrative, In imagination they wan dered through the deserted lands of sweet Auburn, and wept over the desolation of that once happy village. From this spot the passed to the beautiful bowers of Lalla Rookh, and revelled witb the delicious abandonment in the glorious description ot Tom Moore.— They turned from these to the strange crea tion.s of the genius of Edgar Poe. Flavoring who was an elegant reader, tanght Nina to admire that wonderful poem. " The Raven,' by his tasteful and beautiful rendering of it. In these deiightul and instructive employ ments were p> 8 ed the bright summer morn ings. The evenings were devoted to sailing on the beautiful river, when the soft music of Ctavering's guitar, and the heavenly sweet ness of Nina's voice lent an additional pleas ure, to the cnchautrng scene. Ob, love ! blight, young love ! what bliss to lie bound in thy rosy chains ! llow delicious ! howtn rapturing ! how enchanting ! L<ve beautifies everything—the evening sky seems more richly painted, the moon more silvery, and the stars tnoro lustrous to the eyes of lov ers. " Ah ! so delicious is the ungating food, That men who might have towered in tho van Of all the congregated world, Have been content to let occasion die, Whilst they did sleep in love's Elj-Sium." Mr. Eagletnont had observed the conslant intercourse of Clavering and Nina. From the first interview at Nina's bower he had regarded Clavering with no favorable eye.— The very mention of his name—that name which was the sweetest of all names to Nina threw an angry frown over his counte nance. One evening Nina returned home after a moonlight sail on the river. She was com pletely happy. Cfavering had opened his heart to her. ife had spoken o? his ambi tious youth, of his glorious asp! ratio lis, of his bright hopes. lie told her how ho had ahan pnru } the Mite>Jv<l £oill<>33 of vvhd-<mto juiu the gay followers of the goddess of pleasure '' For your sake, dear Nina, I will once more eoroll myself among the votaries of Minerva. I'll seek the glory of a name wor thy to offer thee j be thou 'My guide, my good angel, my all upon earth.'" he exclaimed his face all aglow with ardent love. Nina entered the cottage after this blissful interview, her young heart bounding with joyful hopes of future happiness. This even ing, which had begun so auspiciously, was destined to have a sad termination. Mr. Eagleinont met his daughter as she was pass ing along the hall to her chamber, and said that he wished to see her in the parlor.— Alarmed at so unusual a sumtnonrs, Nina fol lowed her father with fear and trembling, to the apartment. When they were seated, he thus addressed her:— u Nina, I have noticed with pain and sor row, the daily and hourly intercourse be twtea Francis Clavering and yourself. It must cease. Such an intimaey might lead to love ; and love between the son of Reginald Clavering and the daughter of Henry Eagle mont, would be strange indeed." " Why, father, is love forbidden between the son of Clavering an the daughter of Eaglemont?" "Do you ask why ?" he cried, his dark eyes flashing with fire. " Listen to what no mortal ever heard before, and then judge whether it is meet for an Eaglemont to wed a Clavering. Do youjsuppose that I was al ways what I am now—a poor, despised, ridi culrd experimentalist? I was once the proud possessor of lordly halls, where the gay, the refined, the most distinguished men and women of the land were glad to partake of my boundless hospitality. In an evil hour, Reginald Clavering came, recommended by his elegant manners and most flattering ad dress. Under the spacious garb of friendship, he approached and I, unsuspicious, re ceived him to my heart 6 embrace. Under a confiding and open manner, was concealed a heart cold, calculating, and selfish. By his insinuating arts, he became acquainted with all my family affairs, lie knew the amount of my income, and also knew that, although I was liberal in my household and other ex penses, I did not use more than half of it.— He determined to secure some of ray supeflu ous money for himself. To accomplish this, he took advantage of passionate fondness for cards. One day while we were plavtng cards Clavering suggested that a small stake should bo put up, to add to the interest of the game. I consented, and almost imperceptibly, a love of gaming took possession of me. At first I won nearly every game, Clavering permitted this tu induce me to play for higher sums. We sometimes played all day and night— only stopping to take our meals. In a few w eks I lost enormously, but the baneful vice h d become so entwined around my heart t tat I found it fmpossible to skakc itoff. It is unnecessary to prolong the painful story— suffice it to say that Reginald Clavering hav ing won my princely fortune, also won from me my destined bride, who, proud and beau tiful, was taught by Clavering to despise one whom he had made a beggar Then it was that I swore deadly and eternal hatred to all who bore the accursed name. Can you marry the son of one who ruined yoar father ?" "Father, that son loves me and I love him —why should he suffer for his father's crimes ? "You love this Clavering, then, better than ycur father ?" " I can love you both father." "I would rather see you lying dead at my cet, than see you wed Reginald Clavering's son. "Clavering is 60 kind, so gentle, so loving, father, I cannot give him up, I was an igno rant, and simple girl—he came and I learnt to love. lam a woman now, and in my my true woman's heart lies the image of Francis Clavering, never never, to be remov ed." "Bo it so; unhappy girl !" cried Eagle mont, rising, and stretching his right hand in n luenaceing manner toward her; "but cur.-cd be tho day, and cursed bo the hour that see you the wi'6 of Clavering. And the interview ended, The following day, when Frank Clavering came as usual to Nma'g bower, he foiiud her bathed in tear 9 When he inquired the cause of hor weeping, she related the conversation which had ta ken place between her father and herself the evening before. "I must see your father, Nina, on th's subject—l will go this instant." And leav ing Nina, he proceeded to seek Eagletnont, where he was sure to find him—in his labor atory. He received Clavering with freezing jiolitencss and demanded his business. "1 have come, sir, to ask why yotl object to my marrying yotff daughter?" "Were I not speaking to your father's Bon,l wnuld say that he was a villain—be not only robbed me of my splendid fortune, but took from rne the woman who had promised to po my wife. He changed the bright -summer days of my youth to dark and dreary winter? he tore me from the society of my school fel lows from the gay scenes where I knew no su pirior,to hide myself in obscurity—l,who was fumed for tho bright, the beautiful world— [TERMS: 8100 PER ANn7M 1 have sworn eternal hatred to all who bear your father,a name. The day my daughter becomes your wife will be an unfortunate day for both of you." "Suppose we are willing to take the con sequences, sir? "Be it so, then—upon you will rot the responsibility." Notwithstanding the threats and curses of her father, Nina and Clayering determined to consumate their engagement. The day appointed for the wedbing arrived—a beau tiful day iu midsummer—all the prepai-a tions were complete. Two or three of Clav ering's particular friends came from the city. A few hours after the ceremony' the bridal party were to set out on a tour to the lakes. All the simple arraignments were perfected. A neighboring clergyman was present to perform the ceremony. Clayer ing and Nina ontered ; she radiantly beauti ful, be with a world of happiness in his man ly face. The short but impressive marriage ceremony was over,the blushing bride al ready had been saluted by the few persons who were present, when Nina's father ap proached. A strange light gleamed in his eyes, a strange smile was on his livid lips In each hand he held a glass, brimful of sonm rosy liquor. "Happy pair," he said, "it is meet that' you drink to the reconciliation of the houses of Clavering and Eagleinont." After saying these words he departed.— They drained the glasses, and instantly iielf to the tioor— DEAD. Henry Eaglemont was' thua fearfully avenged for the wrongs done him by Reginald Clavering. The wretched man fled and was never seen or heard of more. Ipstellmtmis. IVard Times. We all called the times hard in 1857. They were hard for robbers and charlatans but for the real toiling and industrious inter ests of the nation, they were good—because , the currency was gold, and all manner of goods were cheap. Malcontents clamored for' revolution—and therefore complained of the times Now, however, We HAVE hard times— ! The hardest ever known since the revolution. How is the poor and honest man to live? The contractor and robber of course gets rich oS the euffrings of others. The poor man, how ever pays f >rty cents for a ponnd of ro"e? the same money woufl have bought him four pounds in 1827. He pays 40 cents for mas lin. He could have bought four times the quantity of better goods for the same money in 1857. Does he get four times the wages now ? If he does not, he must suffer in pro pjrtion as he receives less. These are truly terrible times —and they are getting worse every day. Ilow can the laborer pay his rent, and keep his family from starvatiou at the present prices ? EJ^T Sai 1 Joe to Bill—both wftre old bum mers, and both wore terrible drj: "'Bit, if you'l treat, i'll tell yon where you can get a whole suit of clothes on six months credit. "Will you though? Now, no foolin yef Eilly./ "True as preachin" I will Said Joe, and the parties took a drink at Bil's expense, when Joe with a twinkling of the eye said: "You go op to the recruiting rend z/ous, and tell 'em you want a suit of clothes They giv them to yt r on six months trust!" Bill said his health was so poor he cou d it list. " Please, 6ir, lend pappy your knife to make a pen with." '• Certainly, my son, here it is." Youth retires with the knife aDd returns in about an hour. " Please, sir, here's your knife ; papfiy's done with it." " I should think he was. Why what the has he been doing with it?" I thought he wanted it to make a pen ? "So he did, but I forgot to say it was a pigpen.', Exit youth, a little in advance of an old boot. "I wish I had your head," said a lady oris day to a gentleman who had solved for her a knotty point. "And I wish I hed your beatt," was the reply. "Well" said the, sinee your head and my heart can agree, I dont see why the£ should not go into partner ship." • —♦* Swearing is fearfully prevalent among the teamsters of the Cumberland army.— Tije last achievement in that way was " swearing the hair off a mule's back " time, nine minutes from tho word go. JG3T* A western Editor was recently re quested t > send his paper to a distant patron, provided he would take his pay in " trade." At the end of a year he found his new sub scriber was a coffin maker. C3T " Patrick, Where's Bridget?" "In dade, ma'am, she's fast al?ep look'ng at tho bread baking."' VOL. 3, NO. 19.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers