WORD WILL NOT BE MISSED AMERICANS GREAT READERS Mr. Sklmmerton Rejoices Over Patt ing of Overworked "Gruelling" Put Away With "Raucoue." , "We don't se so often now in print," aid Mr. Sklmmerton, "the word 'gruel ling,' and I am glad of that, for to tell you the flattooted truth I bad begun to tlr of reading about 'gruelling con testa' for supremacy between two fleet runners or two pugs pounding each other's face, or between two men row ing or playing tennis. "In fact, gruelling had begun, a you might say, to pall on me Just an raucous did, not so long ago. Don't yon remember that there was a time when no writer ever filled to describe some one of his characters as tweaking i in a raucous Toice? i "Positively raucous came to be p?In Jul to me, so that It would prejudice inio against a whole book to And that word In it, and then happily authors Jmt thnt word aside. "But there seems to be always In use some word tbat Is rorely over worked. It was a pood word maybe originally and It catrb.M many writers' fancy. And then the;- wear It tread tare, old, decrepit, tl!! tho very Bight of ft wearies. "Such a word had cruelllng come to be. You could read of scarcely any trial of strength or sp. ed without find 1ng that It had hern a 'gruelling con test,' or that It had had a 'gruelling On tub;' they were all smelling In eom way; but most gruelling of ull to the reader, It seems to rue. "Hut now gruelling has sote out of fashion, It tins been put away ulong with raucous ana wit:: our once famil iar dull thud and other much over worked words arid phrases." NEW SCIENCE OF FREEZING Production of Artificial Cold Becom ing Important Industry Ma chines on Big Vesieia. The production of artificial cold has. during the last 13 yearn, become quite an Important Industry. "Freezing ma chines" are now among the permanent requisites of civilized life. The refrigeration of perlsliab'e ar I tides of food for transport by ship stands first on the long list of com- t ttiercial applications of the science. j In the cold air freezing machines i now employed on board ships for the trans-port of meat frotii Australia, New Zealand and America, the meat Is placed In larg? chambers, tho walls of which are double, the Interspace be ing filled with wood charcoal as a non-conducting material. A Jet of Intensely cold air Is deliv ered Into the chamber at each stroke cf the plKton of the rxpans-on cylin der, and the temperature of the cham ber is thus kept at or near the freer Ing point during the whole voyage. Another Interesting application of cooling by means of solutions which have a very low fr.ztng point has lately been made In mines. One of tho greatest difficulties which can cieeur In tho operation of sinking a shaft Is that presented by a stratum if sand saturated with water. In more than one case thla difficulty has been overcome by freezing tho sand end water into a firm mass through which the shaft can then be easily b:;red as Into a solid rock. Exemplification ef a Well-Known National Trait Noted by a Foreign Visitor. "Groat readers, you Americana,' said foreign visitor to these shores, according to th New York Bun. "You seem to be reading all the time newspapers or books and you read everywhere In public as In private, on the elevated cars, In the subway, everywhere and I was getting quite used to eoetrg tlo manifestation of what appears to be a national habit: but I was a little surprised this morning yes, Just a little when I taw a lady reading a newspaper as 'ho rode up on an escalator from the sidewalk to an elevated railroad p'atform. "I know tho restless American en ergy which prompts you to the ut most economy of time, to the utiliza tion of every minute, so that no .-hutice for gain shall be lost; but It teems to me In my dull and stup'd-eld-world way that there might be nuch a thing as overdoing this bitter economy of time, don't you know. "In the case of the lady, reading oa ho escalator, for Instance, I was til'.ald It mlj;ht b-ad to an accident to Ikt. It is only a short ride oa an escalator, and I was afraid she might forget and fall at the top, for Bhe seemed very Intent In fact, I ..ouliln't tell whether she whs econ omizing time or whether she was reading because she wns so inter ested in what she was reading. "Hut, however, she read cud read Intently all the way up, or until she had got three steps from the top and then she stopDed and loo'.ied up, and then stepped off briskly and iuite ?afely. "It must take about twenty-Cvo sec onds for that escalator to carry one from the ground to the platform and i:he had read nil but three steps, sl.n had utilized twenty-two seconds of the time consumed on the trip and lost only three. The most reiiiarkf.bli i xempllllcatior. I have yet seen of your characteristic economy of time and national habit of reading. ' tjuite wonderful people, you Americans!" How to Wash Windows. Strange as it may 3em, there Is a right and wrong way to wash win dows, and as this operation Is usually dreaded, the following method will doubtless bo appreciated as It saves both time and labor. Choose a dull day, or at least a time when the sun Is not shining on the windows, for when the sun shinis on tho window It causes It to be dry streaked, no mat ter h w much It Is rubbed. Take a ,:iner's brush and dust them Inside and out, washing all tho woodwork Inside before touching the glass. The latter must be washed slowly in warm water diluted with ammonia do not use soap. Use a small cloth with a pointed stick to get the dust out of the corners; wlpo dry with a foft piece of cotton cloth do not uso linen, as It makes the plass llnty when dry. Polish with tituue paper or old newspaper. You will find that this can be done in half the timo ta ken where soa Is use 1, and the result will be brlgh'er windows. Tattooed by Lightning. Ilerr I.ehmunu. a well-to-do farmer, was returning nume t j the village of VMU-n (Cuutjii hurovi.;) Uio oilier day, when In a 'l.'tnd'Ts'orm ho was btruck by lUlKnlag Hi hat, collar, nult and boots wre burnt on the left Bid?, while on Urn rii4bt he was un touched. I.ehiiMhii wan f -juii il sense leas, but Eooti rtcovered, n ml l.i fairly well now. Oir.ciHly enough ;t was found that his l-ft nid" had h-v-n for-nu-tlfully tattoed by tho lightning, tho tkln being entirely covered with "jn-inU" of oak, choKtnut and fir b-uvo.1. LACK OF BUSINESS AGILITY Leader In Municipal Art League Is Shown Where He Is Deficient by Well-to-Do Citizen. "I suppose," said the man who was active In tho Municipal Art League, "you would not think of permitting anyone to bring Into your house a pic ture of a woman In tights" "Of course I shouldn't," replied the well-to-do citizen. "You are not In faor of doing any thing that would have a tendency to spread Immorality, either, are you? That Is to say, ;-ou would not permit anybody to bang signs upon your porch advertising questionable resorts, would you?" "Certainly not! I cannot understand why you should ask me such absurd questions." "You see, I have Just learned you are the owner of the vacant lot In the mid dle of the next block the one on which there Is a big billboard with a picture of an almost nude female and an advertisement of a place that the police have had to close several times during the past few months. I suppose you get paid lor permitting the bill board to remain there, do you not?" "Say, you fanatics who have this city beautiful bug make me tired. The trouble with you is that none of you have any more idea about business than a Tom cat. You'll have to excuse me now; I'm busy. Run along and see If you can't start a scare by dlscoverln' a naked wall somewhere." JOHN KLING STILL HOLDS HIS OWN H0W plank got his start Ti e Value cf Solitude. A population may be too crowded, though nil be amply supplied with fowl and raiment. It is not good for man to be kept perforce at all times In the presemo of hit species. A world from which solitude 1b ex tirpated l a very poor ideal. Soli tude, In the sonso of being often alone. Is essential to any depth of medita tion, or of character; and solitude In tho presence of natural beauty and grandeur is tbe cradle of thoughts and aaplratlons which are not only Rood for the individual, but which society could HI do without. John Stuart Mill. Laundry Stamped for Identifying. In foreign countries some strange methods are adopted for Identifying tho contents of tho washtub. in some parts of France linen Is defaced with the whole name and address of the laundry stamped upon It, and an ad ditional geometrical design to Indicate the owner of tho property. In Bavaria every patron of the washtub has a number stamped in largo characters on his linen. In Bulgaria every laun dry bus a largo number of stamps en graved with designs, and In Russia tho laundries mark linen with threads worked In arrow shapes. In some Russian towns the police periodically Issue regulations for laundries. Not Related. Michael 'McCarthy was1 suing tho Swift Packing company in a Kansas City court. A colored wltnoEB was called. "Dtd you work at the plant?" he was asked. ."Yasslr." "Do you know the foreman and the other officials?" "Yasslr." "What were your relations with them?" "Now. look hero," said the witness. "I'm black and they's white. They ain't no relations of mine." Cleve land Leader. Showing Him Up. Ounner That Is Count DeBIuff. He ys everything be gets Is ). K. , Juytr I thought It was t). T. ', ISunner O. T ? ' Uuyer Yes, "on tick." Was Bound to Coma. Esmeralda What a deliclously light, fluffy, airy affair that is! Owendolln Yes, this la my aviation -costume; my going up gown, you know 1 . - - Frltndly Criticism. I" II (at tbe concert) Miss Shreeker says she la always nervous when aba Attempts to slog la public. , 8b Well, I'm not surprised, 8b Jsm beard berslf before. He Knew. Teacher What happens when an ir resistible force comes In contact with an Immovable body? Small Hoy A spanking. Harper Oazar. An Exception. "He believes In making himself hard on all possible occasions." "Does bo speak up briskly wbeD contributions are called fort" "Well, n-o-o, be doesn't." Important Parson. "To look at Pipps, you'd think he had tbe world on bis shoulders." , "Yea; be seems to think life la baseball gain and he's always at the bat." . Will Add Watsr Front to Harbor. Tbe Improvement of Jamaica bay, which ia now under way, will add ISO miles of water front to the New York harbor. ff ' v r v 'ii 1 ''Vet t ( t . f SJr 1 1 vy-j -v . Catcher Kling, of Chicago Cubs. When Cutcher Johnny Kling patched up his differences with the Chicago Cubs last spring there were quite a few baseball fans who pre dicted that he would not return to tho form he had previously displayed. It was said that he had bet.i out of the game for a whole season, that he bad not kept himself In good shape, and a lot of other things. But be has fooled all of the skeptics. He has played as good ball this year as he ever did before. This has been displayed by the way NOTED PLAYER HAS RETIRED he has played since Captain Chance's forced retirement, owing to a bad "Charley-Horse." While Jimmy Ar cher has been playing first base dur ing the absence of the captain-manager all of the back-stopping has de volved on Kling. He has not only fielded his por.lt Ion in masterly fash Ion, but he has ben bitting the ball hard. It is almost a certainly that Kling will do the most of the catch- I ing during the series for the world's j ehainptonshlp probably opening In Chicago on Oct. 16. Frank Bowerman, One of Most Ec centric Figures In Baseball, Drops Out of Game. With tbe retirement or Catcher Frank Bowerman, baseball loses one of its most accentrlc characters. Bowerman has been playing in the bigger leagues longer than many of the other players In the same com pany today have been living. He made his debut years and years ago, and haa played In fast company con tinuously since. His best work was done for the New York Giants, with whom he played whbn they were at the pinnacle of their fame. Bower man bas always been a lively, scrappy player, up to his neck In the struggle all the way. He left the Giants and took a whirl at the mana gerial end of the game in Boston, but bis Beaneaters, after making a glori ous start, fell by the wayside when Becoming Modesty. Drowning Man Help! belpl leant. swim! . Man on the Shore Neither cat, t. but I don't go bragging ftfeout it Ha ft ft Uagaala. , As Catcher Frank Bowerman. the race grew warm. Reports say that be trained his men too fine early In the season. At any rate be left Boston before last season was over, and announced tbat be bad retired from the game. Later be Joined tbe Indianapolis club, and was with them again this year. Recently he left the team and went to hla home In Michigan. Simply Closed His tyes and Cut Loos Afterwards Studied the Gams and Pitchers. BY EDWARD 8. PLANK. They all say I got my start the day of the battle of Gettysburg, but tbey exaggerate somewhat. I was born In Gettysburg In 1875, and that gave tbe boya a chance to say things. I ad mit the 187 without trying to gel away and scalp balf a dozen years ofl 1 my age as some of them do. At any rate I think I am rather a freak as a baseball player because I seldom have beard of any case any thing like my own. As I told you I was born In Gettys burg and I played some baseball around there in an amateur way, and without giving the game much thought. I started to college about the time most of the other fellows are get ting enough. I was twenty-five when I was began pitching for the Gettys burg college team, and I was big and strong and fast and wild and Inexpe rienced and everything else that goes to make up a college pitcher. I sim ply abut my eyes and cut loose and Am' Four triple playes have been made in the National league this season. Kid Elberfeld turned his ankle and was not spiked by Ty Cobb In the recent series between tbe Tigers and Senators. President Ban Johnson Is after the owners of the tall-end clubs in the American league and wants them to get busy signing good players. Oldrlng of Philadelphia Americans has the record for being at bat the greatest number of times. His record Is 47C. Lajoie Is next with 473. Cobb Is credited with only 442 times at bat. Dan Murpby of tbe Athletics Is said to have the season's long-distance bat ting record. He will have to keep traveling pertty fast If ho wants to keep out of Schulte's way from now on. Pat Livingstone Is touted as the star catcher of the Athletics. He will likely do most of the backstopplng in the world's series, but he will have to travel some to get an even break with Kling. Catcher Alnsmlth of the Senators is touted by tbe Washington scribes as a wonder. The new man is filling a big hole In the team Just now on ac count of the crippled condition of Charlie Street. Umpire "Bill" Dlneen, who used to be a major league pitcher, says twirl era do not recline on flowery beds of ease. Winning or losing, they do more woryring than other ball play ers, Bill thinks. Lee Ford Tannehlll thinks that tho Cubs will be bothered more by Cy Mor gan than by any of tbe other pitchers of tbe Athletic staff. "There never was a team tbat disliked a spltball pitcher more than tbe Cubs do," said Tanny. Dubuque and Rock Island played a nlneteen-lnnlng game the other day in Rock Island, and Pitcher Cavet of tbe Rock Islands made a new sea son's record, for the Three-I league by striking out 23 men. Shortstop Darrlnger of the Dubuque team bad 12 assists without an error. Crantland Rice, the famous baseball writer of the south, has picked an all- star team of southern players. Catch er Sid Smith of the Atlanta team and Outfielder Joe Jackson of the New Orleans team are two of the men Rice bas picked on his team, and bath of t C.n.cM Indiana. lnn' " 10 la,a lu aV J". Walter Steffen. Chicago half-back. U00 Wblte will head a quartet of alnffara mufla tin ff hlTYiaalr Hnrmnn quarter-back and captain, is to suc ceed Sheldon as coach at Indiana uni versity after this B&ason. This ru mor gained credence yesterday at In dianapolis when It was announced that the Maroon star would assist Sheldon this eeason. It. Ms a well known fact that Sheldon will retire this season to practise law In Chi cago, having coached the Crimson six years when the last game is played this season. ' 1 O'Connor on Wagner. Jack O'Connor thinks that Hans Wagner la tbe greatest thrower In the game. He Is and ha "been tbe best thrower In the game, according to tbe St. Louis manager, since be broke Into the game. There ar many others who think the same aa O'Connor la spite of the fine showing of the young sters who have com up In the last three or four years. Waamund to Coach Texas. Former Quarterback Wasmund of Michigan university wilt coach - the Texas university football squad at Austin tbl fall singers made up of himself, Hofman and Sheckard of the Cubs and Addle Joss of the Naps. This should be a real attraction for vaudeville during the long winter season, for all of these men can sing, White's own song, "Little Puff of Smoke, Good Night," will be one of tho songs that tbe quartet will sing. The Cubs will have Just enough ex ercise In the closing week of the Na tional league schedule to keep them In practise for the world's series President Murphy says ha will not aak Stanley Roblson of the Cardi nals to move up tbat series with tbe Cubs on the final week so that It will keep the local a week longer than the athletics. Hat Chase got bis start by accident. Tbe Los Angeles team did not think much of Chase, but on day the first baseman was unable to piay, and Chase was sent put Just to "fill In." Chase mad two doubles In that gam and fielded to sensationally tbat he was kept at that station and Was soon gobbled up by the New York Ameri cans, where b bas taken rank as the greatest first ackxJntJh leafu II Edward S. Plank. most of those who didn't strike out got bases on balls, and I have suspect ed since that a lot of them struck out Just to escape from standing up there at the bat Seriously I think tbe real reason for my start was that I was older, strong er and better developed than the av erage college man. That made me stand out among them and It attract ed the attention of professional clubs. I bad not thought of baseball as a profession at all until offered a Job, and I Joined the Athletics In May, lyOl, after school closed, knowing about as much about major league ball as I know about who will make a three base bit In the morning game next Decoration day. Suddenly I saw that there was more, to It than throwing as hard aa possible and curving them. I saw I would have to do some thinking and I begaa to study the game. Queerly enough I went wrong right away. I was guessing wrong, but luckily for me I bad enough speed and shoots to bang on by sheer power until I learned more. I worked and studied bard at tbe game, watched the other pitchers. picked up their tricks and began to pitch with much less exertion and strain and still get results. If I had gone on the way I started I would have been out of It In two seasons. and I'm still here. On the other band. If I bad known as much when I start ed about pitching. I'd be here a long time. SOLDIER LEGRALED NOT TO TRY FOR DAVIS CUP No American Team Be Sent to Aus tralia and Preparatory Matches Are Called Off. No American team will be sent to Australia this year to play the holders of the Davis cup for the famous Inter national lawn tenuis trophy. This an nouncement was made in New York the other day by R. D. Wrenn, vice- president of the American Lawn Ten nis association, who said that the de cision hail just been reached,' owing to the Inability of T. C. Bundy, the California tennis star, to make the trip to tbe Antipodes. It had been planned to have Bundy and M. E. McLoughlln, another bril liant player and also a Callfornlan, represent America In the contest with the Australians for the Davis cup in case America won the preliminaries with the English challenging team which were to be played here. Bundy, however, telegraphed that he bad found that his business engagements would not admit of bis taking the trip to Australia. ' There being no possibility of an American team entering the llBta to play tbe Australians, tho proposed pre liminary mutches with an English team, which were to be played here to decide whether England or America should send the challenging team, also were necessarily abandoned. The British and Australian tennis ofi'.clalB have been notified. Ball Players Scare. "It's a queer thing," said President Navln of the Detroit club, "that out of the 80,000,000 people of the United States and tbe 8,000,000 of Canada, that there are less than 200 first-class ball players. Probably there are actu ally more capable of playing In tbe big leagues, but discovering them Is what keeps a lot of scouts and pocketbooks busy." Berlin ears Mat Cam. Public displays of wrestling have now bueu added to tbe long list of things "verboten" by th Berlin po lice. The reason of this new man date Is said to be tbe obviously pre arranged nature of several "champion ship" contests which have recently taken place, on of which led to a disturbance among th spectators. Value of Mexican Darby, Tbe Mexican Derby, to be run early lo November, will be -worth $30,000 to the winner. This will be th first eon PUNISHMENT INFLICTED ON A FRENCH PRIVATE. Was Accused of Murdering Wife ef Banker Military Degradation In Franc an Impressive but Sad Spectacle. ''George s Marie Graby, you are un worthy to bear arms." This short, sharp sentence was beard In the bar racks square on the Boulevard Mor tler on the eastern extremity of Paris at 8 a. m. the other morning. Granby, th murderer of Mme. Gouln, the wid ow of the well-known banker, to whom these words were addressed, appeared In the uniform of the ordinary In fantry private, rather smarter than roost of bis fellows, but looking death ly white. Two minutes later be was marched back to the barracks with bis uniform In rags, bis back bent, his head hang ing low, a sorry-looking piece of hu manity. A military degradation in France, carried out In accordance with the exact regulations of the law, is always an Impressive though essen tially sad spectacle. It was not surprising, therefore, that a large crowd gathered near tbe Porte des Lilas that morning soon after breakfast, having beard the an nouncement tbat the degradation was for eight o'clock Id tbe morning. Special detachments of all the serv ices represented In tbe garrison of Paris were on parade, and at eight o'clock at trumpet call, they formed a hollow square. The colonel In com mand gave the order" Shoulder arms!" and then Graby was seen coming from one of the buildings, marching slowly but with some composure, and with a guard of four Infantrymen. Tbe guard accompanied bim to the middle of the square, presented arms and then made three steps backward, leaving Graby in shameful solitude, the cynosure of neighboring eyes. The officers were drawn up on horse back In 'front of bim. The colonel gave orders to the bugler, and once more tbe high notes rang out. Then a sergeant stepped up to within a pace of Graby and read out the Judgment of the courtmartlal con demning Graby to death and the pres idential decree commuting his sen tence. The proclamation began: "In tbe name of tne French people," and the sergeant concluded by making the usual announcement: "This Judgment bas been read aloud before the con demned man, and before tbe troops as sembled under arms." At this Col. Lejallle, who had dismounted, step ped up and addressed Graby: "Graby, you are unworthy to bear arms; In tbe name of the law we degrade you." The adjutant then tore away the buttons from the uniform, the strap fm the kepi rand all other decora tions, including the epaulettes. The bugle was beard once more and the same four privates who had led Graby out of the barracks led bim back again. Razors of Centuries Ago. We wear things and use things daily of the origin of which we have not tbe slightest idea, and were we to be would be at a loss to answer. This was illustrated when two young men, well but quietly dressed, were admir ing a well-known picture of life in tbe time of Julius Ceasar, which was ex hibited in a store window not far from Herald square. One of the men remarked while looking at the picture tbat he wonder ed bow tbe Romans kept their faces smooth and whether they ever bad shaved; and, if tbey bad shaved, what were their razors like? Neither of the of the men could answer the ques tion, and so they immediately con sulted various authorities on the 'sub ject and found to their surprise that razors were used for shaving In a very early part of tbe world's history. The Egyptians used -some kind of a razor, though tbe Levitical code ex pressly forbade the shaving of the beard. It Is believed the primitive shaving Instruments were made of sharpened flints. Savages In tbe remote Islands scattered throughout the Pacific still use two pieces of flint of tbe same size for this purpose, and pieces of shells or sharks' teeth are also used. Prompt Punishment of a Liar. Years ago tbe courthouse In San Francisco fronted the old Plaza. A trial was in progress, and counsel for tbe defendant was cross-examining tbe plaintiff. An earthquake shook the chandeliers and dislodged somo of tbe celling. Judge, Jurors, witnesses and spectators rushed for the door, but, finding tbat the seismto disturbance wan over, they returned. "You can proceed with the cross examination of the witness," said the Judge. "Pardon me, your honor," said coun sel for th defendant, "but after the exhibition of the displeasure of th Almighty at the lies this witness was telling I do not care to further invoke Divine wrath. I will ask bim no more Questions." Thoughtful to th Last. Ashley Isn't it too bad about poor Fuser? Seymour Indeed, It is. I shall al ways remember bim as tbe most con liderate man I have ever known. It teemed to ba bis ruling passion to make aa little trouble for other people as be possibly could. , 1 Asbley Yes, that's a fact; and that characteristic of bis was mani fested even when be committed sui cide. Seymour I don't think I quit un derstand f I Ashley Why, he used so much dy namlt tbat there was nothing left of him for wtber people to pick up. Just a Bit Particular. First Crook Say, haven't you two brothers both gamblers? Second Crook I have two brothers, but only on is gambler, f First Crook. I thought th other on was, too. ' goeond Crook No; be nver takes any chances of getting mixed up with th polio. He's burglar. Chicago Nwa. 1 yhy WILBUR p NFPRrj Kh, hers Is the picture taken By a flashlight at tho feast When It snapped, your . nerves wre shaken. Yes, they were, or shocked, at least. Let ua look at It together To discover who la who Also, try to find out w-hether Thla la he or that Is you. For you are a Judge and he la a Sir- But one Is a amudge and one la a blur; And maybe that'a Scott and maybe that's Burt, But who Is the man who Is nothing but ehlrtT It ts splendid In tbe morning To reflect on how you sat When they gave to you the warning That the lens would go to bat. How you Henryclayed your features, How you lifted up your face. Knowing that of all the creatures None cxcela the human race! Well, one came to speak, and one owns a bank, 1 But one Is a atreak and one Is a blank, 1 And one down In front haa a face th must hurt. But who la the man that is nothing bud anirtr 1 Since Belshazxar's famous blow-out It haa always been the same. When the flash would spurt and go out All the diners dreamed of fame. But upon the morrow morning When the picture they would see. With a frown their brows adorning Each would murmur: "Which Is me?" For there was a Judge and there was t Sir But now one's a smudge and one ! s blur, Yet tell me, I pray and don't think mi pert Who Is the poor man who Is nothing but shirt? "3. P.". and His Dare. We are in receipt of a poem from "S. P." who informs us that be Is "so other Hoosler and a member of the In diana Society in good standing." II is in reply to some utterly innocent lines in this column not long ago, which lines meekly inquired why 1 man wanted to wear a silk bat. "3 P." says: "I dare you to print it." II being axiomatic that a man who will take a dare would steal sheep, we be leave to print. Poor man No wonder you're wrinkle! and gray If you let fashions disturb your mind. You hurt Dunlap and Knox with who you aay, And others may think your words an not kind. Who'd ever think that an Evanaton iwet With hla high-toned airs and Crerai Claro. Would make uae of space to holler like well Borne Sioux, when you wear a blacl Sombrero. Now, my dear friend, of poetical chat, Nothing you've seen will ever loos queerer And straightway I think you'll buy a silk hat If you go home and look In a mirror. We are not opposed to the silk bat If an antl-sllk-hat society were organ ized we should be the first to decline membership. Our good friends Dun lap and Knox will bear witness to tbs fact that in times past we have adorned ourself with their produc tions. . Confidentially, we think tbe silk hat is a glossy Joy. Tbe trouble with us Is that when we put one oa we want to run for office. Has any body a word to say for the uncombed plush batespecially the wet maltest sort? Tbe other day we printed a couple stanzas having to do wltb the pronun ciation of "Goethe." when mentioned' by street car conductors on approach ing the thoroughfare of tbat name. From the responses sent In we cull these: Man rides upon the trolley car And hla location quickly knoweth When the conductor, o'er the Jar And rumble, hoarsely shouteth: "Ooethe!" I stood on the car at midnight And I murmured "Hoity-toity!" When the erudite conductor . Stopped the car and shouted: "Ooethe!"' Th Experimental Stage. "Ah," aays tho young man who has called, "I observe tbat you are alreadr doing some of your holiday 'decora tion." , . ''Yes?" Inquires the beauteous younff thing. "Yes. I notice you have a sprig of mistletoa tied to th chandelier." "Oh, I Just put that up there as aa experiment. I've heard ao much about the properties of mistletoe that I thought I would see if It really worked before tying it in earnest." Unmanageable. "This," gasps th' first man, "I what th poets call the 'driven snow." "Yes," wheeses the second man, en deavoring to pick a handful of It out of bis ear, while about a peck of " slides down bis back. "And It act aa it a woman were driving It." Brevity being th soul of wit, ws begin to understand th Immortality of tbo conundrum about U cow thati crossed the road.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers