VERY TRUE.
The Man— Society Is a funny thing.
The Maid —How so?
The Man —A girl is not "in it" until
Ehe has "come out."
SCALES ALL OVER HER BODY
"Allow me to say a few words in
praise of the Cuticura Remedies.
About three years ago, I was affected
by white scales on my knees and
elbows. I consulted a doctor who
treated me for ringworm. I saw no
change and consulted a specialist and i
he claimed I had psoriasis. I contin
ued treatment under him for about six |
months until I saw scales breaking \
out all over my body save my face. I
My scalp was affected, and my hair •
began to fall. I then changed doctors ;
to no avail. I went to two hospitals
and each wanted to make a study of
the case and seemed unable to cure
it or assure me of a cure. I tried sev- j
eral patent medicines and was Anally
advised by a friend who has used
Cuticura on her children since their
birth, to purchase the Cuticura Rem- ;
edies. I purchased a cake of Soap, the
Ointment and the Resolvent. After ;
the lirst application, the itching wao
allayed.
"I am still using the Soap and Olnt- j
men£ and now feel that none other is
good enough for my skin. The pso
riasis has disappeared and I every
where feel better. My hands were 60 I
disfigured before using the Cuticura !
Remedies that I had to wear gloves
all the time. Now my body and hands
are looking fine." (Signed) Miss
Sara Burnett, ?135 Fitzwater St.. Phil- J
udelphia, Pa.. Sept. 30, 1910. Although
Cuticura Soap and Ointment are sold
by druggists and dealers everywhere, j
a sample of each, with 32-page book, j
will be mailed free on application to
"Cuticura," Dept. L, Boston.
Flattery.
Edward D. Kaston, one of the big
gest manufacturers of talking Ma
chines in the world, has an idea that
everybody is as much Interested in
grand opera as he is. He gives week
ly concerts at his home and makes
all lus serv.ijits, who represent vari
ous nationalities, listen to them. Once
r Swedish housemaid gave signs of
Intense satisfaction at the hearing a
particularly loud and shrill record by
the great soprano, Kina Cavalieri.
"So, you like that?" asked Mr. Kas
ton, all puffed up because his grand j
opera had made such a hit.
"Ay t'ink it bane grand," replied j
Alma. "It sound to me just, lak de j
way de Ireesli cook she cry las, when -
hossban' die." —Popular Magazine.
He Was the One.
A small boy with a rather lost and
lonesome appearance walked into the
county clerk's office at the court
house. He gazed about him for a
time and finally approached Deputy
Henry Smiley.
"Please, sir," the lad said timidly. I
"have you seen anything of a lady ■
around here?"
"Why, yes, sonny," answered Smi
ley. "I've seen several."
"Well, have you seen any without a j
little boy?" the lad asked anxiously.
"Yes." replied Smiley.
"Well," said the little chap, as a
relieved look crossed his face, "I'm
the little boy. Where's the lady?"—
Denver Times.
The New Wife.
Hubby—My dear, won't you sew on
I a button for me before you go out?
His New Wife —The cook may possi
bly do It for you. But please bear In
mind you married a typewriter, not a
sewing machine.
After sympathizing with people who
are in trouble many a man begins to
feel like a hypocrite.
Garfield Tea Insures a normal action of
the liver.
Many a married man has a chaperon
In his wife.
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B.ld mid Jefferson Sta., Philadelphia, Pa.
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833 CIIEBTN IT ST. .r IIIL A DKI.TII I A, PA.
W. N. U., NEW YORK. NO. 16-1912.
GOOD I
JOKES
PRESENCE OF MIND.
There are symptoms of panic In the
theater.
A big man in the front row arises.
"Sit down!" he roars. "There is no
danger! Sit down!"
The stampeding audience stops,
turns, and faces him.
"Sit down!" he orders.
The people obediently sit down.
"I will goto the entrance and show
you there is no danger whatever, the
big man says.
He strolls along the aisle, reaches
the exit, and rushes out.
"That's what 1 call presence of
mind," he tells himself. "I never could
have get out of there if 1 hadn t
stopped that panic."
Poets Without Honor.
"T.ook here: How did these rhymes
about Washington get In the paper?"
"Do you mean the poem by William
CuUen Bryant?"
"That's the one. Didn't I distinctly
j tell you not to use any more of the
; amateur stuff?"
"Yes. Have you read It?"
"Me! Read It! What tor? And,
! look here, if there's anything to pay
! this man Bryant for the dope it's got
to come out of your pocket, mind
that!"
"That's all right. I'll stand It."
And the wheels resumed revolving.
Making Use of Him.
Ruff oil Wratz (in box car) —Naw!
| I didn't git half a night's sleep. How
j d'you s'pose I could sleep when you
had yer cold feet in th' small o' my
I back all night long!
i Saymold Storey—Them wuzn't my
feet, pardner; them wuz a couple o'
frosted turnips I wuz thawin' out.
Poor Reporting.
"I don't like the way they reported
my speech," complained the new con
gressman.
"Why, they sprinkled in plenty of
laughter and applause."
I "Yes; but how about all of them
gestures?"
Good Deeds.
Tom—l told her father that I expect
ed to inherit several pieces of fine
property.
Dick —What did he say?
Tom—He said that deeds speak
iouder than words.
WHAT DID HE MEAN?
The Dandlubber —Did you have a
bad trip on your last voyage?
I The Sea Captain—Yes; very bad.
; My wife went along.
Needless Alarm,
What's that? What's that?
Did someone Are?
Ah. no. 'Twas Just
An auto tire.
Well, Hardly.
Bacon —I see in some parts of Aus
tralia the telephone Is regarded as an
amusement rather than a necessity.
! Kgbert—Well, they can hardly con-
I sider it an amusement when central
: says the line is busy, can they?
Lack of Realism.
"Did you see where some actress
says that audiences do not like to see
husband and wife aciing as lovers on
the stage."
"Of course not. It's not natural."
Announcing the Engagement.
"Miss ITpperton, are you engaged to
be married to Count Nocash?"
"There is absolutely no truth In the
rumor. Marie, show the gentlemen
Ihe ring and give him a photograph."
Unhappy Jane.
"Poor Jane is in despair."
"What is the matter with .lane?"
"Why, Bhe has just begun to realize
that she's 100 fat for an actress and
not fat enough for a prima donua."
Not Necessarily So.
"So Jones has become an actor."
"lias he?"
"You said so."
"No. I didn't. 1 said he had gone
on the stage."
Supremacy.
"There is one state in the T'nlon !n
w£lch women have the upper hand
without the aid of the ballot."
"Which one Is that?"
"The stale of matrimony."
Its Kind.
"Don't you think this open tire Is »,
big Improvement oyer a commonplace
radiator?"
"Certainly; In fact. It Is a grate jr»-
Confidential.
Little Willie —Mr. Jones, do you like
lemon pie?
Casual Visitor —Yes, Willie.
Little Willie (anxiously)— You don't
like It very much do you?
Casual Visitor (surprised)— Why do
you ask, Willie?
Little Willie—Because we've got It
for dessert and ma's afraid you'll want
a second help.
AN INTERRUPTED TOAST. |
George—Miss Evelyn, I rise to pr>
pose—
Evelyn (hastily interrupting him) —
1 am yours, dear George.
Surprising.
When some "pugs" «t«.y
A single round
Our wonder is
Indeed profound.
A Sign of Old Age.
"It seems to me that WorthingtOTi j
has been growing old rapidly during |
the past few years."
"Yes, his hair is becoming rather j
gray."
"It isn't his hair that makes him ,
seem old to me. A man may have ■
gray hair and still be young in spirit;
but Worthlngton has reached the j
point In life where he can look at a j
rosy-cheeked girl and refer to her as j
a healthy young animal instead of j
calling her an angel."
Almost Miraculous.
Pierced by the bullet of an nnseen
foe, the hero had died in great agony.
Ten seconds later he was standing
before the curtain, smiling and bow
ing his thanks to the applauding audi
ence.
IJeats the pulmotor, doesn't ltl
Holding Him Down.
"Yep," said Silas Hayrick, "we've
decided t' send that no-count Keuben
t' congress."
"But why?" we asked.
" 'Cuz every time we send him any
wheres else he gits out on a writ o" j
habeas corpus."
Warmth.
"Did that Investigation develop any
thing in the nature of the third de
gree?"
"It went away beyond that. When
I left it was in the neighborhood of
a hundred in the shade."
His Reasoning.
"Why did the organist play the
wedding march so fast that the bride
and groom had almost 10 dance up
the aisle?"
"I suppose he thought that mar
rlage was something of a two-step."
Explanation.
He—Why do they call a wife's al
lowance pin money?
She —Because the average man
thinks It's enough for her if a woman
gets the money buy pins enough
to hold her old clothes together.
THE REASON.
Wiggs—l've met a whole lot of ma
jors and colonels in your state; but
110 admirals.
Waggs—A man has to get near the
water wagon to be an admiral.
Uncomplimentary.
His heart was light—
What made him blue.
The neighbors vowed
Ills head was, too!
A Slight Misunderstanding.
Mrs. Btngs—My son in the city has
got a ottermobll and he has a grodge.
Mrs. .links—Goody gracious! Who's
the grodge aginstT
1 Fitting Fate.
1 "Why do you want to railroad this
man to prison?"
"Why not? Isn't he a train rob
b«r?"
Whatris Castoria..
is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Paregoric, Drops and
Soothing Syrups. It is pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays
Feverishness. For more than thirty years it has been in constant use for the relief
of Constipation, Flatulency, Wind Colic, all Teething Troubles and Diarrhoea. It
regulates the Stomach and Bowels, assimilates the Food, giving healthy and
natural sleep. The Children's Panacea —The Mother's Friend.
The Kind You Have Always Bought, and which has been in use for over
30 years, has borne the signature of Chas. H. Fletcher, and has been made under
his personal supervision since its infancy. Allow no one to deceive you in this.
All Counterfeits, Imitations and " Just-an-good" are but Experiments that trifle with
and endanger the health of Infants and Children—Experience against Experiment.
Letters from Prominent Physicians
Pfnr — — 1: (addressed to Chas. H. Fletcher:
jlllllj l Dr. Albert W. Kahl, of Buffalo, N. Y., says:"l have used Castoria fo
|K||pij] jj j) P r f ct ' ce * or P* 3 * 26 years. I regard it as an excellent medicine
Dr. Gustare A. Elsengraeber, of St. Paul, Minn., Bays: "I Bava tisel
Si'ftf ■! 0% y° ur Castoria repeatedly In my practice "with good results, and can recom«
!| ■ IIBJI'I mend it as aa excellent, mild and harmless remedy for children."
ij'Ejy! KMp* ■- VP Ijlu Dr. E. J. Dennis, of St. Louis, Mo., says:"l have used and prescribes
PCtojs your Castoria in my sanitarium and outside practice for a number of years
1 ''and find it to be an excellent remedy for children."
~i ALCOHOL 3 PER CENT .
ill 112 Dr. S. A. Ituchanan, of Philadelphia, Pa., says: I have used your Cas
m I similiiinS&S ß S' torla ,n the case of baby and ,? nd " pleasant ta *** and tava
ffl 3 ting (lie Siomachs andßowcisiT obtalned excellent results from its use.
Ig jjffly. Dr. J. E. Simpson, of Chicago, 111., Bays: "I hare used your Castoria la
jjjigi&i cases of col la in children and have found It the best medicine of its kind
ffM! mmmUZI on the market."
Blip Promotes DigestionJClwcrful- Dr - E ; ildßon - Omaha Neb., Bays: "I find your Castoria to be a
liill'! ncss and Rest Contains nciowr standard family remedy. It is the best thing lor infanta and children 1
IS2o Opiimi.Morphine nor Mineral, have ever known and I recommend it."
Hi If NOT NARCOTIC. ! Dr. L. It. Robinson, of Kansas City, Mo., Bays: "Tour Castoria certainly
l|§ .... j has merit. 191 not Its age, its continued use by mothers through all these
™j», ;i JRetiptt/O/dIkSiMLZLniWBI j years, and the many attempts to imitate it, sufficient recommendation?
I#% j'- PlmfkiaSti" iWhat can a physician add? Leave it to the mothers."
||g jhMUUts- | Dr. Edwin F. Tardee, of New York City, says:"For several years I have
Ulsi!' AmtS-i* \ recommended your Castoria and shall always continue to do 80, as it haa
pi?? / Invariably produced beneficial results."
HflSll aSSuimr- 1 Dr. N. B. Slzer, of Brooklyn, N. Y., Bays: "I object to what are called
rSSynmfiavr. I patent medicines, where maker alone knows vhat ingredients are put ia
ijWftS . .~~7Z A r n..' them, but I know the formula of your Castoria rnd advise its use."
M '««« GENUINE CASTORIA ALWAYS
aSS- WormsjConvulsKras.Fewrish l Yi if
ness and Loss OF SLEEP. SJ Jiearg tno
j,
gpSjal Tie Kind Yoo Have Always Bouglit
""fJ'wrIJIHI" In Use For Over 30 Years.
ILzact V-opy ox wrapper. <MI MNTAUNOOMNNV. TT MURIIAV■TMIT. NI« VORR EM.
PUTNAM FADELESS DYES
Color more goods brighter and faster colon than anv other dye One 10c packi.ge colors all fibers, Thevdyeincold waterbetter than any °th" dye. You CM
dye any garment without ripping apart. Write lor fiee booklet—How to Dye. Bleach and Mix Colors. MONROE DRUG COMPANY. Qulncy. 11l
GOOD NAME.
Wise— The Choral Society should
change It's name to the Chloral So
ciety.
Green —Why?
AVise—l went to their concert last
; Eight ancl It put me to sleep.
To keep artificial teeth and bridge- i
work antiseptically clean and free j
from odors and disease germs, l'axiine
Antiseptic is unequaled. At drug- ;
gists, 25c a box or sent postpaid on re
ceipt of price by The Paxtou Toilet
Co., Boston, Mass.
His Work.
"An electrician ought to be a social
success."
"Why an electrician especially?"
"Because he Is so well posted on
current topics."
Garfield Tea, for the ills resulting from im
pure blood, is u remedy of tried efficacy.
Diiuk before retiring.
He who lends money without se
curity borrows trouble.
Mrs. Whislow'H Soothing Svrup for Children
tcfitiinK. Hoftenn th'' reduces inflamma
tion, allays pain, cures wind cullc, 25c a bottle.
Always remember to be a gentle
man—unless you are a woman.
riLES CFRKI) IX « TO 14 DAYS
Yorir will rotund money if l»AZO OINT
MKNT fails to euro any case of itching, HWnd,
Bleeding or Protruding Pilea in 6to 14 day*. 60c.
1 O U are vowels that have caused
many a man's downfall.
••Pink Fyf" In Fpldemlo In llie Spring.
Try Murine Eve Remedy lor Reliable Relief
If a girl really wants a Han's love
she returns it.
Since If is worth while to be well, take '
Garlicld Tea, Nature's Medicine.
The deserving poor do not always 1
deserve to be.
W. L. DOUGLAS
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genuine W. L. Douglas shoes. s,Vh. k <uui". fffipsWl
If vour dealer cannot suppiv W. L. Douglas Mioea, write W. L V_x m /SoVsk-M
Douglas, Brockton, MHS*., lor cataloir. HIMH** Bent e\irvwliere SmMpy 1 W
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1 WECO, 2230 Broadway, N. Y. |
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pomade Vaseline fSS
A choice dressing and preservative for the hair. Highly
Checks dandruff and keeps scalp In health}' condition.
Pomade Vaseline is put up in attractive bottles and in BH\Ky4H
collapsible tulM-s. Insist on Pomade VASELINE.
If your dealer do»s not carry it, write us.
We will «I*o IK* glad to *en<l von 112 refi Illustrates booklet. pp.. riescrttv j'JJIMRis -
lnp other choice "\a»ellue ' preparations lor toilet and laiuily use. j||HL o<t
| Address Dept. K
Chesebrough Manufacturing Company -Sttir
17 State Street (Consolidated) New York
DEFIANCE Cold Water Starch
makes knmdry work a pleasure. 16 oz. i kg. luc.
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lAJlllKlll'iaitmj FOR EYES
ftoji/jgre of this PaP 4 " l " desiring to buy
i l\vtlUCl 3 anything advertised in its col-
I umns should insist upon having what they
ask l'or.refusing all substitutes or imitation*