SULLIVAN JS& REPUBLICAN. W. M. CHENEY. Publisher. VOL. xn. The sugar palm of South America is a rival of tho New England maple. Australia has more places of public worship in proportion to population thau any other country. The peasants of Pergine, near Trientc, are using electric light in their houses, as they can get it cheaper than kerosene. There arc moro paste diamonds and afliilicial stones of all kinds made in Glasgow, Scotland, thnu in any other city in tho world. Whenever a murder is committed in Argentina it is customary to put every possible witness in prison and keep hiiu there until the real culprit is con victed. Of tho 5,000,000 inhabitants of Lon don more than 1,000,000 have to live on loss than $5 a week for each family, while more thau 300,000 areinclironic poverty. Mme. Blanc says that Bret Harto is, of all the American authors of the times, the most popular in France and that llowells is not generally liked by the French. "Fugitive trains" was added to rail road nomenclature during tho big strike. It applied, explains the Chi cago Herald,"""to freights that started out for a certain destination not know ing whether they would "git there" or somewhere else. It seoms to tho New York Adver tiser as though in many ways the au thorities of Great Britain wero adopt ing American methods. The latest in stance of this is shown in the investi gation now progressing of the cruel ties perpetrated upon prisoners con fined at Dartmouth. There is great coustornatiou among tho lovers of bull-fighting in Spain be cause Guerrita, tho only remaining great fighter, has declared his unal terable decision to retire from the ring. The reason given is that he is worth over $200,000 and that bis wife suffers terrible anxiety every time ho lights. Most of the States have had a sys tem of commutation for good behavior of prisoners. Massachusetts is just putting that kind of a ticket-of-leave law in force. The first subject for clemency is a man now in the thirties, a splendid specimen physically, who fourteen years ago was given an eighteen-year sentence for burglary. He has been a model prisoner and means to begin life anew. E. B. Bolton, of the Royal Society, has been conducting some interesting experiments to show the effect of en vironment on animals. The pepper moth was the particular insect he studied. He found that if an egg was put into a pill box lined with gilt pa per the caterpillar produced would be bo golden iu color. When tho box was black tho caterpillar also became black. And lastly, when he mixed different colors the caterpillar became mottled. Referring to the common statement that electricity is still iu its infancy, Professor Dolbear recon ly said: "Electricity is not in its infancy. Despite what has been done there is nothing iu the present use of elec tricity that has not been known for many years. Arc lights wore known eighty years ago ; the telegraph is sixty years old, tho telephoue thirty, and the incandescent lamp ditto. We are uot at work with new things or on new new principles. If you are running u motor with electricity, it is not a new discovery in electricity to apply tho same power to tho operation of a lathe or a *troet cur." Christian people who spen.l auy leugth of time in Europe are often somewhat at a loss, avers the New York Independent, with regard to church attendance. In almost every iuiportaut center there are Evangoli cal churches of various denominations; but they are nut always widely known, and it in sometimes difficult, to learn the full fact- as to the pro»isiou foi public worship. In I'aris and Berlin the American chapels are well known. In Dresden where there in an English and American colony, chiefly Aiueri c»u, of about .1)00 people, compara tively few have known of the Presby terian church, which is rather a union church under the care of tie- l!i>v. .1. I'avis Bowtlen, • -u< of the most elo quent preachers on the Continent. The church lias no distinctive chureh building, but meets inn hall, nn<i «arnestly calls for the support of all Cbristiau Americans who -.pen 1 u time Ui that city. Almost one-twentieth of the popula tion of tho United States is widowed. I ! With the additions recently an nounced the number of members of tfto British House of Lords is 572. Wheat, cotton, iron and many other things which are produced in vast quantities in the United States are at wonderfully low figures. That Americans have a "sweet tooth" is shown to tho New York Mail and Express by the fact that they consume 25,000 tons of candy a year. If America were as densely popu lated as Europe it would contain ns many people as there are in the world at the present time, estimates tho De troit Free Press. According to a recent article in the Bailroad Gazette the steam city rail roads of London earn only $73,000 a mile, while those of New York City earn $300,000 a mile per annum. There is a boy in Sing Sing (N. 1".) Prison who was sent up for six years and a half, for stealing $1.50. It has just been discovered that he did not steal it, and there is talk of his de manding an indemnity from tho State. Cities in Norway do not grow quite so as somo of those in tho West, muses tlia New York Tribune. Tromso, in that country, has just cele brated its 1000 th anniversary. In that time it has grown from sixty peo ple to 6000! The inhabitants are chiefly devoted to fishing. It looks to the New Orleans Pica yune ns though every country in the j world would be added to tho list of j sugar producers and refiners. A num- I ber of Japanese merchants represent- ! ing large capital propose starting a ! joint stock concern, and establishing | works for refining between Hiogo and | Osaka and also near Yokohama; find j it is said have already taken step.i to ! import the necessary maohinery. Of all citios of the world, Paris pre sents a gathering of humankind most fearfully mixed in its elements of dis order. Tho criminal brought up from childhood in tho capital will risk his life for the privilege of living there. J Accordingly, many crimiuals who have i boon forbidden residences in Paris, in npito of tho strictest surveillance of tho barriers, will work their way in again and tako up their career of crhno under other names. Throe streets in Paris are to bo j named after tho authors, Edmond About, Guy do Maupassant and Octave Feuillet. Taine, tho critio and his- ' torian; Brillat-Savarin, tho epicure; i Charcot, the great physician, and Fourier, the socialist philosopher, [ whose communistic colony in New ! Jersey half a century ago was a moro interesting experiment, tho Chicago Beoord thinks, than even tho Brook Farm—all these are to have their names perpetuated in the now baptism of streets that is taking place in Paris. A Bengalese magistrate, having boon informed of tho whereabouts of a mad dog, armed himself and went to tho place where the rabid animal lay by a house door. He learned upon inquiry that two women were in the houso and sent word to them that ho was about to shoot tho dog and thcreforo they should not bo alarmed by tho report, and that, as ho might not inflict a fatal wound at tho first fire, and, in fact, j might miss, they should remain within until notified. Such a supremo cour- j tosy is in marked contrast with that of western civilization. Whilo Russia is behindhand iu most 1 things pertaining to progress and en lightenment, she is distinctly in ad- j vatice of the remainder of the world as far as the regulation of the tho bicy- j cle traffic is concerned. Before any- j ono is permitted to ride on any public thoroughfare ho is compelled to ob- j tain a license at a cost of a dollar, and to have his name and address entered upon tho police registers of his dis trict, in token whereof ho ispresented with a square pioee of leather with hi* nnnibei in large figures of bright metal. This he must have permanent ly affixed to the back of tho cycle, »o that it may be seen by the polico. But, prior to receiving the license, the knight of the wheel is forced to undergo au examination as to whether he can ride sufficiently well to avoid becoming a public danger. This ex- i animation coiim t , iu the descript ion ; of a figure H net round two sticks, and he is obliged to do this to the satis faction of the official examiners, one of whom is usually the president or fice president of the local bicycle club. LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 1894. IF I SHOULD 00, If I should go away, And you no more should moot me lllce the May— I say, It I should go, Who long have lived and long have loved you so— Would you not fool some natural, sweet re gret? Would you remeinberyot? If I should go away? And you should seo tho breaking of the day- Would you not still remomber how I stood And saw tho sarao sun lightening all tho wood Where the pines waved? Whore nil tho flow ers are wet With sweetest dews? Would you remembor yet? If I should go away— Sweetheart there are no words for me to say! I cannot go and leave you! God would not Have any violet of our love forgot! Put, if His violets with no tears were wet, Would you—o, sweetheart, love of mine, forget? —Frank L. Stanton, in Atlanta Constitution. TARSNEFS TEMPTATION, BY TOM P. MORGAN. fdV A NLESS there was a horse-trade or I something of equal I importance on 112 hand, Lyman Tars ney wa s pretty stiro to be found at tho postoffice at mailtime; not be cause ho expected a letter, but be cause the post office was in a gro cery store plenti fully supplied with comfortable box, barrel and counter Beats. It offered abundant opportu nities for sly nibblings of crackers and cheese, and was tho clearing house for the gossiji of the village. When, one day,. the postmaster really did hand Tarsney a letter, he was much surprised and examined it doubtfully. The envelope was ad dressed plainly enough, and bore the New York postmark. Who in the world could be writing him from New York? Tarsney went to one side and opened the letter with mingled eagerness and doubt. Perhaps somobody had died and left him a fortune? Stranger things had been heard of. When ho had gained a partial understanding of the contents, he hurriedly left the postoftice, his whole lazy body quiv ering with excitement. Around the corner he paused, un decided whero togo to examine his prize in secret. Then he slouched with unaccustomed energy out of the village into tho woods, turning ab ruptly from the beaten path as soon as ho was out of sight of any house, and keeping on till he felt sure he was in no danger of being seen. He wormed his way jnto the midst of a thicket, and re-examined his prize. The contents of the envelope consisted of a neat circular, printed in imitation of the work of a type writer, a strip purporting to bo a clipping from a newspaper and a small slip bearing a name and address. Tarney read the circular carefully. It was couched in a strain well calcu lated to Hatter tho vanity and whet tho greed of the reader. After stat ing that the writer was desirous of ob taining a shrewd man to handle his goods, which were nowhere mentioned as counterfeit money, but always as "goods," the circular continued: "Yon can make money faster and easier by dealing in my goods than you ever dreamed of before in your life. It was never intended that one man should have millions and another nothing. The wealth and good things of this world are too unevenly distrib uted. "Unless you have money enough to live on comfortably for the rest of your life, this is just tho business you should take hold of, as my goods can be handled with perfect safety and immenso profits, and enable you to provide yourself with a competence for your old age and pass your re maining years in ease and comfort. "There is no wrong about it—Uncle Sam has millions of our money locked ui> iu the Treasury, uselessly and un justly so." So on went the letter to a consider able length, in a way shrewdly calcu lated to find the weak point of such a man as Lyman Tarsney. When ho had finished reading the circular, he was gasping at the magnitude of the possi bilities which seemed suddenly to have opeued before him. His hand trem bled at he turned hungrily the printed slip that accompanied tho cir cular. It purported to bo a newspaper clipping, setting forth that, in spite of the utmost vigilance of tho officials, certain engraved plates had boon stolon from tho United States Treas ury, from which notes—exactly tho same as tho genuine except that they did not have the sanction of the Gov ernment— were being printed by the thousands of dollars' worth. Tho fol lowing extract is a fair sample of the sophistry of the article: "As tho case stands these people in Now York have everything theii own way, for their shrewd work seems •» bo carried on in perfect safety, and there is not the slightest chance of de tecting them i>r the people with whom they do business. It seems to bo a positive fact that they are in posses sion of duplicate Treasury plates ex actly the same us those used by tho Government, uud the paper is similar to that upon which the genuine notes •re printed. It isn profound mystery how and from whence they obtain it. Tliu greenbacks which the New York acoundrels arc dealing in aro so fine anil perfect that tliero is not one chance in ten thousand of detecting them, and alf the detectives have failed to unearth the slightest clue to makers or users." Lyman Tarsney had never been des perate or depraved. His sins had been chiefly of omission rather than of com mission. He had never btolen aught except precious time, and the happi ness and comfort of his wife and chil dren. He had always been one of those sanguine souls who are content to wait patiently for something to turn up, instead of rolling high their sleeves and turning up somothing for them selves. In the old home State ho had done fairly well, till finally ho had conceived tho belief that in Missouri was located the El Dorado where kindly nature re turned a maximum of reward for a minimum of toil. Thither ho had journeyed with his little lloek, and purchased a rnn-down farm "on time." The succeeding season was a poor one, and Tarsney's minimum of labor brought him so little of reward that he was unable to make the necessary payments on the farm, and indue time lost it. The family presently found shelter in a shabby routed house in the out skirts of the village, and Lyman de generated by degrees into a good natured loafer, a trader of horses and catcher of lish—a worthless etitnberer of the ground. Tho "green goods" circular came to him like a revelation. It aroused his avarice aud his long dormant ambi tion. He had never had his chance before, ho told himself; but now his chance had como. The artful argu ments seemed prepared especially to fit his case. They stilled his sluggish conscience and blinded his dull eyes. "The wealth and good things of this world are too unevenly distributed. It was never intended that one man should have millions and auother nothing." The words met with Tarsney's un qualified indorsement. The appeal to his desire for comfort in his old age seemed like tho pitying words of a kind friend. True, it was counterfeit money. Ha! Was it? Did not the newspaper clipping state that the notes were printed from genuine plates made by tho Govern ment? What mattered it to him if these plates had been stolen? It was uo affair of his. Was not the money the same, whether printed with Uncle Sam's sanction or without it? Tho (Government had millions, billions for aught ho knew, looked up in the Treasury vaults, of no use to anybody. Why should not he profit by Uncle Sam's carelessness? Tho tempter won. The coming of dusk admonished him of the flight of time. He placed tho precious documents carefully in his pocket. When he reached home the scanty .upper was waiting for him. "Poppy's turn! poppy's turn!" whooped tho littlo white head two sizes larger than tho baby that wore it. There was always a baby in tho Tarsney household. These children loved the shiftless, worthless father, who was always good-natured, who whittled little toys for them, and was ever ready with a story. Ho had no relish for the simple supper that night. Tho food half choked him. He noticed, he know not why, that his wife's cough seemed worse than common, though in truth it had been growing worse for weeks unporceived by him. But tho poor woman looked more cheerful to-night than was her wont. She was not patching or mending this evening, but was nursing the feeble baby in idleness. Her thin cheeks were faintly Hushed. Tho little white heads were happy and ex cited over something unusual. "Dess what, poppy?" piped tho head that was two sizes larger than the baby. "I'm to git all tho fino washin* an' ironin' from the hotel," said Mrs. Tarsney, with almost a happy smile. "I can make 'most a dollar a day out of it." Poor soul! Happy at the prospect 1 of added toil! "An' me and John aro to begin pickin* grapes at the nursery day af ter to-morrow," said Jim, ten years old. "We'll git half a cent a pound." "I made six cents herdin' Mis' Bar low's dncks this afternoon," chimed in Lyddy, tho eight-yoar-ohl girl. For a long time these poor souls had worked, saved and denied them selves that they might return to the old home State. The hunger for home had been knawing at Mrs. Tarsney's heart for many a long, long day. She had uttered littlo complaint, but had toiled on, wearing her life out at the washtub in tho liopo of one day re turning to tho dear old home com munity. Sometimes sho said hope fully : "Maybe my health will be better when we get back home." The younger children knew only by hearsay about the old home, but they were all strong in the belief that it was tho happiest place on earth. They were all of one accord hungry to go. No self-denial tending to bring tho happy time nearer was too great lor them to make. Every dollar, nickle, penny that could p >«silily be spared was sacredly hoarded to that end. The sum required to take them all was a very great one in their eyes Mrs. Tarsney, with pat hot in pride, felt that they must not go looking like beggars. New clothes Must oe provided for nil. and no matter how cheap, new clothes for the entire flook would cost what was to them another large sum. Jit the Imttere I old pewter sugar bowl in the little cupboard bcitldo the chimney was ono hundred and forty* two dollars and scventy-nino Cents ( the savings of many long days of toil and privation. Out of the hoard tho husband and father, too, must be well clothed and provided with a railway ticket. Ho had added but little to the fund, possibly five dollars in all — but then ho was tho husband and father. Mrs. Tarsney was afraid of banks, and so the slowly growing hoard was kept in the old pewter bowl. "It won't be so very long now," tho poor woman said, hopefully, and then a paroxysm of coughing shook her. "sly dollar a day will count up pretty fast, and Johnny and Jimmy will make a great deal while grapes last." Lyman Tarsney lay awake all night loug, torn by doubts and indecision. Ho believed he loved his little flock. He would have dono right by them long ago, he told himself, if only some thing had turned up to give him a chance to do so. The something for which ho had so patiently waited had been a long time in turning up. But now, he thought, tho opportunity ha<J come; he had his chance at last. Just as the first faint gray was creep ing up in the east, Lyman Tarsney arose from beside his sleeping wife and stole tho battered old pewter sugar-bowl and its contents, every penny of which represented so much of patient self-denial, of toil and pri vation. As ho slunk through tho room Mrs. Tarsney, disturbed by somo slight noise that he made, stirred uneasily and coughed iu her sleep, and tho wretched man paused suddenly, as if a reproachful voice had called to him. But tho poor woman did not awaken, and he crept out of the house with tho precious hoard in his clutch. He started to slink rapidly away, and then stopped, he knew not why. The gray of the early morning hung over tho sleeping earth and dimmed the stars, fading slowly boforo tho coming day. Soft sounds of tho pass ing night wero borne to his ears with seemingly unaccustomed clearness. It would be train time in a few min utes. Tarsney took two or three slouching steps toward the gate, and then stopped again. The patient wife anil mother, the little flock of white heads—how terribly they would be cast down when they discovered tho loss ! Their grief— But was he not acting for the best, doing the best for them? he asked himself. It would not be for long, and then he would come back with a much greater sum of money thau he had taken away. He would make it all up to them then, and they would all go back to the old home State. Still he did not goon. He turned nnd crept cautiously to the window, left open for the admission of tho breeze. The room was wrapped in darkness. He could hear tho regular breath ing of its sleeping inmates. Mrs. Tarsney coughed again feebly in her sleep. Disturbed by the sound, ono of the little white heads iu the trun dle-bed almost beneath the window stirred uneasily and murmured, "Poppy!" Lyman Tarsney clutched the win dow-sill, and then there came tho long-drawn, far-off whistle of the east bound train, admonishing him that he had but just time to reach the station. He turned and slouched quickly to the rickety, half-hiugeless gate, then paused with his hand on its top. Tho little white head's murmured "Pop py 1" seemed still sounding in his ears. He stood there for a little while, then his hand dropped from the top of the gate and he looked up at tho far, far-off, fading stars in the graying sky—looked up helplessly, dumbly for a little time, and iu that tiino he knew himself for what he was. He saw his utter worthlessness. The cruel, criminal neglect of years was made as clear to him as if a great voice had shouted the truth in his ears. Lyman Tarsney gasped, bared his head aud stood up straight beneath the stars. The rumble of the approac'iing train grew louder and louder, but tho man turned and tiptoed into the house, and replaced the battered old pewter sugar bowl in the little cupboard beside tho chimney. When the rest of the family awoke with the coming of tho sun, the hns ban laud father was sleeping as soundly as any of the white heads had slept. The frugal breakfast was kept waiting for hiin as he slept on, and the clamor of the white heads was hushed —Poppy was sleeping. A goodly part of tho forenoon had slipped away be fore he awoke. "1 duuuo but you ought to liavo waked mo sooner," he said to his wife, in a lialf-shamel'aced way. "I'm goin' to work to-day. I've been thinkiu' about—wal, if we're goiu' east we've got to work. I—or—you don't need to tako that wasliin' from tho hotel, Marthy. You'd better rest—l'm goin' to work.' And ho worked that day and for many days thereafter—worked with a zeal and faithfulness all tho more marked because of his idleness of many a day before. If there was any touch of heroism in this, I think it was augmeuted by the fact that Lyman Tarsney never kuew what he had escaped by keeping out of the clutches of the"green goods" men. Youth's Companion. A South Alrirait Home. A typical Southern Africa houso | hold described by Olive Schreiuer had mi Kuglisli father, a half Dutch i mother with a French name, a Scotch i governess, a Zulu cook, a Hottentot i housemaid and a Kaffir stable boy. j while the little girl who waited on the table wan a Basuto. New i'ork | Advertiser. Terms —>sl.oo in Advance ; 51.25 after Three Months. AN ICE CREAM FACTORY". MAKING THE COOI.ING COMPOUND BY MACHINERY. Things That Are >Hxe<l Up for It and How They Are Treated—lce Cream Bricks. ICE CREAM is manufactured from a combination of milk, pure cream aud gelatine, flavored with different extracts, such as vanilla, lemon, strawberry, etc., tho in gredients being first mixed up to gether and placed in circular metal vessels or runners which revolve around inside of circular wooden tubs, the runners being surrounded by a quantity of cracked ico and rock salt. Each runner is furnished with a beater having a number of blades which revolve around on the inside, beating up tho material, tho ice and rock salt causing it to thicken and form itself into ice croatn. Some manufacturers uso eggs, corn starch, etc., and boil the ingredients before freezing. The first process is the mixing to gether of the ingredients. About ten quarts of pure cream, ten quarts of milk and about eight pounds of granulated sugar aro first mixed to gether. If tho ice cream is to bo flavored with strawberry, about six to eight drops of puro red coloring aud one-quarter pint of essence of straw berry are added. A quantity of gelatine dissolved in about a quart of warm water is then added to this, bringing tho solution up to about twenty-four quarts in bulk. It is then run through a strainer or fine sieve into the runner. The runners aro made of copper, the inside of which is coated with tin, which, after about four weeks' con stant running, has to be renewed, t'uo coating of tin being worn off by tho working of the beater. The runners are about twenty-three inches in height and about ono foot in diameter, and hold about, forty quarts. The wooden tubs in which they revolve are twafect four inches iu height and aro about twenty inches in diameter on the in side, leaving a space of about four inches for the ice around the runner. Attached to the top of the cover of the runner and perpendicular shaft of the beater, which revolves in a socket at tho topof the grinding machine, aro two gearing wheels, which aro geared to another attached to the shafting of the machine. When the machine is in motion tho beater, containing ten 1 i inch iron blades, nnd the runner revolve around in differeut directions, making about fifty-five revolutions per minute. As soon as the machine is set in motion, a small quantity of ico and rock salt is added, which is re newed every few momemf until the tub is filled, taking iu all about twen ty-five pounds of ice. The boating operation takes about, twelve minutes, the salt and ice gradually freezing the twenty-four quarts solution, while the gelatine swells or raises the material up to forty quarts. The grinding operation is completed when the ico cream shows or adheres to tho glass windows in tho cover of the runner. The wooden tub with the runner of cream is then rolled to ono side and another is putin its place to pass through the same operation. Tho ice cream is then taken from the run ners and put into cans ranging from one to ten gallons each and packed into ice and rock salt for delivery, which is ready in about two or three hours' time. Tho machine for breaking up ice consists of a revolving cylinder four teen inches iu diameter and twenty inches iu length, riveted to which are nine conical-shaped wrought iron teeth about five inches in leugth, which, when the machine is in motion, pass between a number of other teeth connected to tho framework of the machine. Tho cakos of iee, which weigh about fifty pounds each, are first broken into two pieces and placed in the machine. Tho teeth of the re volving cylinder, which makes about 120 revolutions per rniuute, crash through tho ice, breaking it up into small pieces at the rate of a ton in every twenty minutes. Ice cream bricks are made by pack ing the cream into metal forms. These foims have a top and bottom cover. The ice cream is first put into these brick shaped forms and a strip of paper placed between the cream and each cover, which holds them firmly in pl.'Ve, and then thev aro packed away in salt and ice aud frozen for about throe hours. They are then taken out and tho forms dipped into a pail of warm water, which losend the cream from tho sides. Tho top and bottom covers, after being wiped with a eloth, are then taken off, the attoudaut al lowing the loosened brick of cream to slip out of the form onto a strip of white paper immediately covering it, and placing it into a pasteboard box and packed in ice again for delivery. Neapolitan bricks of ico cream are made by placing ono layer of creani over another, such as vauilla, choco late, strawberry, etc. A great many metal forms are made of composition of lead and zinc, representing animals, fruits, vegetables, etc., tho ice cream being packed into the forms aud frozen iu the same manner as the bricks. Forty-quart cans of milk cost whole sale about $1.12 per can, puro cream about seventeen cents per quart, and ice about $3 per ton. Two machines, with three runners, can turnout from 1500 to 20(11 quarts of ico cream per day.- New York News. The Chinese Government levios i> regular tax on beggars, and give# them, iu return, the privilege of beg giug in a certain district. Tho coldest place iu the world i», Yakuteh, Russia; the thermometer sometimes falls to seventy-three de grees below zero, NO. 49. "DUTIES I PUT AWAY." Duties I pot away ; My heart keeps holiday. I flee the fervent heat And seek the cool retreat, Whero I can see the blue And silver river flow, , * And green and distant woods— Bweet silent solitudes. Here all is calm ; the grass Scarce rustles M I pass. One works ; I hoar bto boon _ In honeysuckle blooms. Go, brown bee, go away; I love not work to-day ; But with white clouds abo^fc That rove, my thoughts would rflvi 111 random luxury, Through earth and air and sky. Even the birds are still, And the wind upon the hill, Beon through the tremulous air, All things look calm and fair ; And I with them would cease For this delicious peaco , Letting the world go by, With for It all an oye. —W. F. Barnard in tho Chautauquan. HCXOR OF THE DAY. The Boston girl speaks of the ball player as being stricken out. —Puck. Man's character often speaks tho loudest when his lips are silent.— Texan Sittings. We have hoard girls apply the word "cute" to everything but a corpse.— Atchison Globe. Some men would complain if they did not have anything to complain about.—Atchison Globe. Few husbands and wives are so af fectionate and trusting that they say "our money."—Atchison Globe. It sounds rather paradoxical for a perfectly well man to speak of his in valid wife as hi 3 better half.—Boston Transcript. "Er man kin run inter debt," said Uncle Eben, "but when it comes ter gittin' out he'agotter crawl.' I—Wash ington Star. Scribe—"How is your novel com ing along?" Jiblets—"By tlie ex press. I expect it at any moment." —Syracuse Post. An old maid is a popular lady who has had many elegant offers of mar riage, but prefers to remain single. »—Atchison Globe. As a rule, the man who boasts that ho believes in always calling a spade a spade, occasionally calls things spades that nre not spades.—Puck. Wigwag referred to a conversation ho had had with two female deaf mutes ne "a little exeroiso with the dumb belles."—Philadelphia Record. In scheduling this grist world No thing reoeiv«M ns&fcWs For every dog there is a day, For every cat a night. —Buffalo Courier. An insult from certain sources is n ediuplimont. When an ass kicks at you ho does HO becatiso ho recognizes that yott nre utliko hinv—Texas Sift tags. Judge—"How old are you, miss?" Elderly Female—"l nni—l am—" Judge—"Better hurry up; every moment makes it worse. Fliogende Blnettcr. "Gue sister," said Johnny, "i& stamp clerk in tho postoflice aud the other is a school teacher. I often Wonder which one licks the most."— Adam's Freeman. Melton —"I wish I hadn't read that article on 'How to Tie a Necktie.'" Beaver—"Why?" Melton—"l knew how to tie ono before I read it."— Clothier and Furnisher. "Did Miss Gotrox's father try to draw you out while von were there, last night?" "Draw me out? Great Scott, man ! Ho was behind me, not in front." —Buffalo Courier. She stood upon the white sand beach, The north, east, south and west did scaa; Wlien suddenly sue gave a screech ■ "Ha, hu ! hu, ha!" She saw a man! —Syracusa l'ost. Servant "Yis, sorr. Mrs. Talker is in. What's yer name?" Visitor— "Professor Vandersplinkenhoiuier." Servant—"Och! Sure, ye'd better go roight in aud take it wid ye."—Tit- Bits. Smith-Jones —"How do you manage to keep up your mental energy so well?" Smith-Brown—"My wife gives me a piece of her mind every morning before I start to work."—Harlem Life. Blobbs—"What are you doing with your football suit on? Not going to play this kind of weather?" Hicks— "No ; but I'm going to see old Money bags and ask him for his daughter's hand." —Philadelphia Beeord. "When other lips an I other tongues The tale of love shall tell—" I have no dou >r. Evangeline, You'll like it jus: as well. —.ndianapolis Journal. Clerk- "I would like to have my salary raised. Hoggs gets 3i> more than me, aud he dou't do any more work. It's unjust." Employer "Yes; it is unjust. I'll reduce Boggs's salary $6."--Philadelphia Record. Studious Boy—"What is the mean ing of 'market value' aud 'intrinsic value?'" Father " I'he 'market value' is the price you pay for a thing ; 'intrinsic value' in what you got when you Hell it to a second-hand dealer." -Tit-Bits. Little Ethel—"l wonder why men liko to talk about their old school days?" Little Johnny -'"1 suppose after they get growed up they is al ways tryin' to tind out where the teacher lives, so they eau lick him." —Good News, Miss Haverly "I'nele Ned has tho funniest way of speaking of my sist' is two little children." Mr. Austen "How?" Miss Haverly -" A'ell, their names nro Ebeneiser and Floreno#. He calls them the Ebb an l Flo of tti«» Tied." —Vogue.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers