SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN. W. M, CHENEY, Publisher. VOL. XI. Edison thinks that the railway speed of the future will be 150 miles an hour. It is estimated, from tho census of 1890, that tho insect pests cost the fruit growers of the United States about $1,000,000 a year. The financial crisis in Spain lias se riously reduced railroad traffic, so thot nearly all lines are badly crippled, and some have been forced to offer new is sues of bonds on the market. One of the scientific sharps has an nounced, notes the Detroit Free Press, that if the funny little bean from which castor oil is squeezed be grown around the windows and doors of dwellings, instead of hop vines, hollyhocks, bur docks, fennel or sunflowers, flies will keep so far away that you eon't hear one buzz. Tho small boy will easily believe this. ' The Kev. Thomas Craven, who has been a Methodist missionary for nearly twenty years in India, is visiting Chi cago. He says, reports the New York Tribune, that almost the only news cabled from this country to India dur ing the last few months has been that relating to silver. "Even such im portant matters as the election of Cleveland,"hesays, "mightreasonably have been expected to be have been ignored in tho telegraphic dispatches to India. These dispatches did not even let us know whether Cleveland was elected or not. But, on the other hand, every little motion or resolution and every interview with well-known public men on the silver question was at onco telegraphed to us. This showed the keenness with which we were observing the action of this coun try on the silver question." The Government of Japan has in htywl plans for the construction of fourteen new railway lines. At present the railway mileage of the empire reaches some 1500, of which 804 be longs to various companies. These, it is said, will be taken over by the State. Formerly the lines were built by British contractors, with material sup plied by the United Kingdom, and were operated by foreign engineers, but now the State and private com panies have their own Japanese en gineers, and a great part of the railway material and rolling stock can be fur nished from the National shops at Shinbasi, although there is still room for considerable foreign importation in this line. Foreigners are wont to classify Aus tria among the German countries. As a matter of fact her German speaking population is but limited, and annually losing ground. The increase in popu lation among the German inhabitants of Austria is but 5.17 per thousand per year ; the increase with the Italians in Austria is 5.92, and with tho Slavonic races 7.93. Of 100 marriageable wo men in the German districts of Austria, forty-one find husbands; among the Slavonic races the percentage is fifty two. One of the reasons for this show ing is that in the German districts of Austria the economic management of affairs is almost prohibitory to mar riage among the younger sons and daughters of the peasants. The home stead goes to the eldest Bon, whose brothers and sisters become his ser vants. Among the Slavs the family property is equally divided among all children after the death of the father, and each one is allowed to begin house keeping on his own hook. The trials of the rainmaker are, in deed, numerous, remarks the Wash ington Star. For a long time it has been asserted that a rainmaker is a myth. People may think they pro duce rain, and they may make other people think so; but, according to the doubters, it is a case of imagination purely. Under conditions like these the rainmaker might comfort himself with the thought that genius very sel dom secures prompt appreciation and go his way, feeling sure that posterity would see his vindication. But now comes a grief of an entirely opposite character. A Konsas rainmaker boast ed that a cloudburst, which came quite unpredicted, was the result of his pro fessional endeavors. Thereupon a Kansas farmer arose with a claim for damages because the cloudburst had destroyed his crops, and tho wife of a man who was killed in a washout wants liberal damages. The dilemma is a painful one. Tho rainmaker must either repudiate his scienco an l de clare that his assertions were empty boasts, or else he must assume tho moral and financial responsibility for this devastating storm. It is an inter esting problem, too, for the courts to handle, and the public will wait with interest for light which tho judicial mind may throw on the question of to what extent it is possible for a rain maker to be responsible for rain, France has the distinction of being the most carefully cultivated agricul tural country in Europe. More than hnlf of the marriages in Kansas last year were of colored peo ple, although this race constitutes only one-twentieth of the population. Count Tolstoi, the Russian philoso pher, declares that he entertains a great dislike to all poetry, because it prevents one from giving a "clear, in telligent, and comprehensive expression to one's thoughts and ideas." He says that verses are generally the produc tion of "literary wantonness, literary frivolity and literary insolence." At a meeting of railway employes in Chicago recently Eugene V. Debs,long connected with labor movements, said that out of 1,000,000 railway employes in tho United States but 150,000, less than one-sixth of the entire number, were members of the various existing unions of railway employes. Probably this is about the proportion of union and nonunion men in other trades and employments, suggests Public Opinion. Says the New York Independent on the subject of irrigation : The earliest agriculture of Europe, Asia and Af rica began in arid lands. Turning to America it is discovered that this fun damental art l>egou everywhere under like conditions of great aridity, on sandy plains and hot deserts. In the southwestern portion of the United States, the very lost district of the country to be settled by while men, in some portions of Utah, Colorado, Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada and California, where natural vegetation is so rare that it scarcely gives character to the landscape, where sandstorms drive over the country, where naked plains spread under a lurid sky, and where the landscape is often one of naked rock, and where adamantine forms stand in groves, and the trees are fossils buried in the rocks, the most ancient agriculture is found. For in the country thus described, the In dian tribes in centuries lost to history cultivated the soil by artificial irriga tion, and developed corn, cotton, po tatoes, and other vegetables useful to man, while the rich valleys to the north and east were yet untouched by agricultural labor. The Southern States Magazine ob serves: "There appears to be an im pression among those who have seen but little of the South, particularly during the past two years, that the Southern planter or farmer is so abso lutely dependent upon cotton that if that single crop fails, ruin and desola tion to the entire farming community will follow. While it is true that a certain number of cotton planters still hold to the time-honored plan of plant ing nothing but cotton, the time when this could be called a universal con dition in the South has happily passed, and a new and broader farming indus try has taken its place. In 1892 the cotton crop of the South was valued at about 8315,000,000. The corn crop was valued at $248,000,000, wheat over $ 40,000,000 and oats about $25,000,000. These three products then were of equal value with the cotton crop. Add ing to them tho value of tobacco raised, over $22,000,000; of rice, about 810,- 000,000 ; Florida oranges, about $3,- 500,000, and of garden truck, fruit and vegetables shipped North, between 840,000,000 and $50,000,000, the total value of the products named amounts to about $'10,000,000. It was only in the years immediately following the war that cotton was raised almost to the exclusion of other products. Tkis was because the people were almost penniless and cotton was the one crop upon which advances could bo secured. The condition of things has been stead ily improving, and within the past two years the lesson taught by planting too much cotton has been so impressed upon every one engaged in it that there ha 3 been a general effort to raise more foodstuffs, and particularly to provide the food needed on each plantation or farm. The Southern farmer to-day is not solely dependent upon his cotton crop L>r a living. In western Tennes see, Arkansas, Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas, while some few are follow ing the old plan of purchasing food and planting cotton, the vast majority are raising diversified crops, and each suc ceeding year nil! seo this plan carried out in a greater degree. In Georgia and the Carolinos cotton-raising will soon hold second pi nee, as to value, among the agricultural products oftiu States, not necessarily because less will be raised, but becau eof tho in crease in tho production of cereals, fruits and vegetables. Through the western part of th" cotton bolt such n condition will not be likely to c\ist, but cotton will neror again be raised in pKon of food products, uis lias btco done in the past." LAPORTE, PA-, FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1893. THE DEATH STROKE. 'Twas the sunny Syrian sea Oft the coast of Tripoli And tho ironclads of England were at play; While their mimic thunder rent With its roar tho firmament. As they tacked and they maneuvred fn the bay: For our navy is the pride Of.that sea without a tide, And our home is on the deep amid the spray. Something terribly amiss In a moment! That or this, Man or mechanism? Well, Ido not know ; On the gallant flagship came, Quick as stroke of lightning flame Or tho giant rush of tempest, such a blow That, her harness rent, she bowed ; And a mighty iron shroud, With her Admiral and crew she sank below! Do you deem they should have died On a fierce and reddened tide. In the fury and the glory of the fight? With the ensign shot to rags, And with striking of the flags Of the foemen on the left and on the right; With brave rescue from the wreck, And wild cheering on the deok, That Britannia had not parted with her might? Be glory what it may, Vet I venture still to say That these shall not lose their guerdon or their fame, Though they died without a Mow : Well, the Highest—died Ho so ; And our land shall shrine their memory and their name: Forthe man who, in the host, Is death stricken at his post, '■lt is finished" may triumphantly exclaim ' Thero is grief tor me and you, But for Tyron and his crew Happy future as was honor in the past; Though the Admiral no more May hear wind or water roar. Though his sailors cannot battle with the blast, r For, the Pilot of all sens, He will welcome souls like these. And shall guide them to fair haven—land at last! —London Athenaeum. A MAN WITH A BABY FACE. trr WILLIAM A. M'CLEAN. v ELLIS is -mry indeed n funny boy,"' laughed Julia Costeilo to "They say lie is hend over heels in love with you —follows you, is to be found sonie -• where near you most of his time. They tell me you have completely be witched the boy," rejoined the friend. "I must confess he seems to act very foolishly. No matter what Ido or say, or ignore him, I can't scare him away. I have never done the slightest thing to encourage him," Julia eoberly re plied. "What's the matter with tho boy, then, that he hangs around you so much?" the friend asked. "I don't know," Julia slowly 6nid, and added in a wistful manner, "I wonder whether Jimmy will ever be a man—will ever look like a man." "He's a pretty boy, anyhow," laughed tho friend. "Pretty as a bnbv," said Julia, join ing in the laugli. The subject of this conversation was not a boy, but a man of thirty years. A man of full stature, yet with the ex pressionless face of a baby. It was round and full. The skin was of o soft pink color, with a tinge of darker color in the cheeks. The eyes were large nnd of a light blue, and opened in an innocent surprise when their owner was spoken to. He had a little chnbby noso and o small mouth. There were no lines or shadows on his face. He was a pretty man ; so pretty that his face was repulsive toman and to womankind. Thero was nothing about the face to counteract the seem ingly expressionless vacuity there. Strangers continually asked, "Who is the man with the baby face?" The reply was always "Jimmy Ellis." The man Jnmes Ellis was swallowed up in the boy Jimmy. Another characteristic heightened the effects of his boyishness. Hisvoice was pitched an octavo higher than is usual in men. He spoke in a light, chattering tone that went off into a screech. He talked and laughed like a woman. All his male associates as he became older grew away from him, deriding the man with a baby face and a woman's voice. Womankind seemed ever to be making iport of him. James Ellis was extremely sensitive in respect to these characteristics. He was conscious of the fun and sport others were having at his expense. In consequence iie gave humanity a wide borth. Whi!o he did so, he hated that big baby face of his. It made life miserable to him. It angered him at times to hear his own voice. He had in vain tried to coax a growth of whiskers to hide the face. A tuft of yellow hair here and there was all that made its appearance. In despair he had given up any further nttempts in this direction. Notwithstanding these outward eigus, James Ellis wns a man of true, honest, and honorable Instincts and as pirations. Hsdelighted in the pleasures of a robust Timhood. He was ail o 11- round athlete. There was not abetter horseback-rider ;'i tho town in which he lived. His mother had died when he was a child. His father died when he reached his majority, leaving him a homo !n t*>r> Pennsylvania town of B— ami t\a forms lying near the village. An aunt had lucu iuetalkd as house keeper ore* the lio;n-j. James Ellis was a better manager of the farms than his father had been be fore him. He gave them his constant attention. There was no part of tho work on.the farm he could not do. Those under him knew what would be expected from them. James Ellis not only knew how to manage the farms better than his father, but knew how to live and enjoy life and that which he made, better. There was not a better library in tho town than his ; he had collected it him self. He was a lover of art. James Ellis was a talented man. His large hunting-dog heard many a soliloquy that for originality and brightness would have rivaled the mental calibre of by far the greater number of his fellow-townsmen. James Ellis's life had been, however, a failure, as he looked at it—an un happy failure—a miserable existence, caused by a baby face and a woman's voice. His greatest happiness, nnd at the same time his greatest unhappiness, was his lovo for Julia Costeilo. He was not content unless near her. He worshiped her. It was the love of a strong man ; the only love of a lonely life. He had known her from child hood, and had always loved her. He loved her because he could not con ceive bow life could be complete with out her. Because he believed that with woman—the best gift to man— this woman, could he alone reach the great blessings of existence—home, love, happiness. He was miserable because he had been and was no more to Julia than "Jimmy." He felt that, with his baby face and woman's voice, he had failed to awaken the chords of love, to sound the depths of her heart. She liked him, respected him, but he was only "Jimmy." her boy play mate. Shortly after the conversation be tween Julia and her friend, James Ellis succeeded in gaining a long-looked for opportunity. Taking Julia's hand in his, he said, in his squeaky voice: "Julio, darling, I lovo you, I love you. This love is tho sweetest, the only thing on earth thot makes life worth the living to me. Be mine. Love me —marry me." Julia could not help seeing the ridic ulous in the voice, in the face, and interrupted him several times as ho spoke, saying: "Oh, don't, Jimmy ! Don't, Jimmy 1" Silence ensued. He began again : "Won't you give mo your answer? Can't you love me?" Oh. don't! 01:, don't,Jimmy!"Julia j again pleaded. "Can I hope? Tell me sc mething," James Ellis urged. "I hardly know what to eay," Julia answered. "I have never thought of such a thing o« you havo spoken of. j It seems funny. You seem but the boy j I pla3'ed with yet. I hardly know j whether to bid you to hope or not to ■ hope. I might answer better in a month." "I'll wait the month," themoa read ily said. "Make it two months." "Well, let it bo two, then. "Four months might be better yet." "Make it, denr, just as you will. I am content if only in the end you will be mine." So it was decided that at the end of fnrsir months she would give her an swer, yes or no, to his suit, or whether he might hope or whether it was hope less. This was February—June might witness the makiug of ono life or it might no'. • While James Ellis was content to wait, ho was not hopeful. He was only "Jimmy"to Julia. Jimmy, the boy— the playmate with the pretty face und a woman's voice. Julia wished a man for her husband, representative of manhood and strength. Ho feared the decision. The time crept on fast; weeks had flown, a month passed. There was no change in Julia's feel ings that he could detect. It was in the latter part of March that, in the dead of night, a fire-alarm was sounded. Men sprang from their beds, jumped into their clothes. It was a country town in which every niau and many women were needed to fight the dreod fiend. It was soon dis covered that a weather-boarded dwell ing-house had taken tiro at the roof When the crowd reached the house the top of it was wrapped in flames. James Ellis was among the first on the ground. It was thought that every soul had left the house. There was a terrible scream. In the second story room, by the blaze of the fire, could be seen a woman. The blood froze in the men's faces as they looked at the awful scene. They looked at each other, then back at the woman. Who would make a move to save her? Like a flash James Ellis rushed toward the house, kicked open the door, disappeared, fought his way through tho smoke and heat in the second story until he reached the woman. He dashed out a window and helped her to the ladder that had been raised. As the crowd watched James Ellis disappeared. Another second and there was a fall of heavy tinibor into tho house; a column of sparks went upward. Seconds passed. Tho lire was making headway rapidly. .Tames Ellis had not appeared. At last anxi ous watchers crept, into the house and came upon the body of Ellis lying at the bottom of the stairs. He had been knocked down by the falling timber. The fire had not reached the place where he was lying. He was tenderly picked up, carried out of the house and to his home. The falling timber had struck him in the face, cutting and tearing great gashes the whole length. The hot embers of the wood had burned great red blotches along the wound. It. WHS only after weeks of cf-eful nursing by the faithful aunt thot .Tames Ellis was prononncod well. He had recovered from the wound to fall I into a fever. It was June when the ' doctor told him he had done all he , could for him, that it was for him now to grow in strength. It was not until that time that James fully realized that a great change had taken placo. "Jimmy" with the baby face was a thing of the past. There was an ugly scar on the forehead, another on tho chin and one on the check. There were red patches where he had been burned. He was no longer pretty. He wns ugly, yet not repulsively so—- no uglier than many other men. With the fever had also gone the woman's voice. It was now like that of other men. It was four months since that day in February that he decided to venturo out. He waited until it was dusk. Then he made his way to the home of Julia. He was ushered into the parlor, where a half-light burned. In a mo ment Julia caine, coming quickly to see her "Jimmy"—the much-talked of and admired hero of the night of the fire—and to congratulate him on his recover}'. She rushed up to him, and taking his outstretched hand, ex claimed : "Oh, Jim—" stopping, startled as she looked in his face, then stammer ing, continued: "Beg—pardon—Mr. Ellis—l'm so glad to see you !" The man was surprised into formal ity. "Mr. Ellis!" Julia had never addressed him thus before. What did it mean? As the evening passed they talked of the events of the past months. As he spoke in that low, tender, pleasing, manly voice, Julia listened enraptured. There were chords in her being that were touched, and responded as they had never done before. Thero was something in her being that, went out to tho man—the sacred hero. At last, in low, passionate tones he pleaded : "Julia, darling, I have come for tho answer promised, that can make life tho sweetest thing on earth to me. I have come now to know whether I dare hope for happiness. I'm disfig ured now -ugly, but I lovo you—lo/o yon, if possible, more than I ever have. Can you love me?" As lie held her in his arms, Julia, tenderly caressing the scars with the tips of her tinkers, whispered : "These don't disfigure you, dear. You are not ugly to me." —Frank Los lie's Weekly. Imitation American Physicians. American medical missionaries are now very popular in China. They are everywhere welcome, more especially because they offer medical advice and medicine gratis, prefaced with re ligious exercises. Tho Chinese ap pear to appreciate this kind of practi ! cal religion. In a recent letter to the Missionary HeraH, T -urtot Chapin j tells of his missionary successes in the I vicinity of Pang Chuang, and says: "On thin trip I learned for tho first : time that there aro in this part of j China a number of 'counterfeit' for j eigners. I was myself taken to be ono i of that class because of an ability to make myself understood in Chinese. It seems that one or more enterpris ing celestials have gone into the work of dispensing medioines after the man ! ner of the American physician. Usu : ally two or three men go together. I One of these dresses in foreign cos | tume and talks a gibberish which is j not understood by the natives, and so j passes for a foreign language. In ! imitation of American physicians, all j medicine is given away, but, unlike that fraternity, tho bogus representa tive of America is quite willing to re ceive contributions ofgrainto feed the animal which helps convey him from village to village. In consequence grain pours in upon him by the quan tity. This is disposed of by a confed erate at the nearest fair, and then Ah Win departs for 'fresh fields and pas tures new.'" The Great Game of the Chinese. Weichi is the greatest game of tho Chinese, especially with tho literary class, and is ranked by them superior to chess. Like chess, this game is of a general military and mathematical character, but is on a much more ex tended scale, the board containing 261 places and employing nearly 200 men on a sido. All of tho men, however, have the same value and powers. The object is to command as many places on the board as possible. This may be done by inclosing empty spaces, or surrounding tho enemy's men. Very close calculation is always essential in order that a loss in one region may be met bv gains in another, thus employ ing skillful stragey when the contest ants are evenly matched. Tho game lias come down from great antiquity, being first mentioned in Chinese writing about 625 B. C. It was in all proba bility introduced by the Babylonian astronomers, who were at thot time in structors of all tho East.—Chicago Herald. An Educated Snake. A cow belonging to John H. Suave ly, a farmer living two miles south of Sharpsburg, was observed to stop and bellow regularly at a large tree in tho lane, while tho cattle wero being driven from tho field. Some boys watched her one (lay and observed a largo black snako approach nnd milk the cow. Driving her home they told Philip Lumm, who works on tho farm, who got into the tree with n gun and waited for results. When the cows came from the field this particular cow stopped at the tree and bellowed, when the snake appeared and was shot by Luntm.— Antietam Valley (Cal.) Record. Roosters vs. Weasel. A weasel sneakod out of his lair near Stroudsburg Wednesday and gobbled up one of Mrs. Joseph Frymire's little chickens. Two bantam roosters were near by and they sot upon the thiev ing beast with such vigor that both his eyes were picked out, and ho died soon afterward.—Philadelphia Record. Terms---81.00 in Advance; Sl<2s after Three Months. FORETELLING A TORNADO. HOW THE WEATHER BUREAU WARNS THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. The Methods Used to Announce the Recent Terrible Storm In lowa Taken us an Example. THE signal achievement of the Government Weather Bureau in predicting the recent dis „ astrous tornadoes in lowa twenty-four hours in advance of their awful visitations has brought into new prominence the remarkable accuracy with which in these days of advanced science a weather forecast can be made. The prediction of the lowa tornado offers a noteworthy example of the value of the Government Bureau, and illustrates the perfection of the system it employs, but the forecast in point of accuracy is duplicated daily. It isn't every day that a tornado starts on a wild stampede, but the weather sharps are expected to keep the cities and towns of the country posted in advance in regard to the weather. The daily forecast has become an all-important element in all calculations, whether of pleasure or of business, and could no more be dispensed with than the tele graph or any of the other agencies which have revolutionized affairs. As so much depends upon these predic tions it is not surprising that tho bureau has reached a high grade of efficiency. If an English or a French weather sliorp were assigned to our bureau he would probably be as confused as the average man on seeing a three-ring circus for the first time. It is not an uncommon circumstance for the Weather Bureau to chase half a dozen different varieties of storms over the country in a day. It may be hailing in North Dakota, a tornado may be making sad havoc in the Western forming belt, a windstorm may be bowling along the Atlantic coast, im perilling shipping, and four or five thunder-storms may be creating alarm in as many different sections. With all these complications, a short, thick-set man, with gray eye brows and gray mustache, calmly looks over the maps which are made on tho reports of one of the Government ob servers throughout the country, and figures out just the kind of weather that may be expected in every State %nd section. This short, thick-set man, with gray eyebrows and gray mustache, is the official who, on ex amining the maps on the night of July 5, paused for a moment, and then, to the surprise of his assistants, mur mured : "This looks like a tornado." Major Dunwoody was the officer who read the signs aright. The Gov ernment observers at Sioux City, Des Moines, la., Keokuk and Omaha, had all reported threatening atmospheric conditions, and their reports, when re duced to tracings on the maps, showed that the centre of the atmospheric dis turbances was at Cheyenne, with the winds racing from all four points of the compass toward the Wyoming capital. Major Dunwoody has hnd an intimate acquaintance with storms for years, and this tornado didn't fool him by pretending to rendezvous at Cheyenne. The Major is an old army officer, who understands all about (lank movements, and he began to figure out where the main attack might be expected. He was sitting on a high stool in tho forecasting room at the Weather Bu reau, calculating on the tornado's prob able evolution. The Major read the report of the storm sentinels at Sioux City and Des Moines over again, and then drew a circle, with the centre at Cheyenne and the circumference to wards the East, touching Davenport. The Major's experience taught him that the most trouble might be expected in the southeast segment of the circle, and before 9 o'clock that night all the observers who furnished the alarming reports were instructed by wire to send out warnings to cities and towns on the respective sections, and orders were also given to employ every means to inform the country districts of the impending peril. Hours before the storm broke with its terrible fury express trains running through the isolated communities had carried the bureau's intelligence, and those who lived far from the railroad stat ion were warned by whistles, which were blown according to an established and well-understood code. How quickly all this was accom plished illustrates the efficiency of the Government system, as directed by- Cliief Harrington. At 8 o'clock on the night of the sth the observations were made, and an hour later Major Dun woody, with quick judgment, based on long experience, had located the storm, and had sent out a forecast to the threatened community, telling of the dangers to be feared. How much greater might have been the damage to property, and how much greater the joss of life, but for the warnings! The Waather Bureau did not an nounce that a tornado might be ex pected, as tornado predictions went out of favor with the young army lieuten ants. The warning, as sent out, was to the effect that severe local thunder storms were threatened, and the far mers knew full well what was meant. As interpreted by them, it signified that a ground cellar would be a good place in which to spend July 6.—New York World. One Hundred Years Old. Mill in Practice Doctor Deßossy, of Havre, France, has passed his hundredth year. He is still in active practice, and at a dinner given in honor of his hundredth birth day, he made a speech in which he stated that his father had lived a hun dred and seven, and hi! intended to do the same. English farmers furnished the United States last year #1,000,000 worth of pickles, NO. 47. BOOH! On afternoon®. when baby boy has had a splendid nap, / And sits, like any monarch otf .one. In nurse's lap, In some such wise my ban -«f I hold before my face. And cautiously and quieV ' e "bout tho place: Then, with a cry. T su<V expose my faca to view. And you should hear him laugh and crow when I say "Booh !" Somctimos that rascal tries to make believe that ho is scared. And. really, when I first began he stared and stared and stared; And then his under lip came out and farther out it came. Til! mamma and the nurse agreed it was a "cruel shame"-- But now what does that same wee todling, lisping baby do But laugh and kick his little heels when I say "Booh!" He laughs and kicks his little heels in rap turous glee, and then In shrill, despotic treble bids me "do it all aden!" And I—of course Ido it; for, as his progen itor. It is such pretty, pleasant play as this that I am for! And it is, oh, such fun ! and I am sure that I shall rue The time when we are both too old to play the game of "booh —Eugene Field, in Chicago Record HUMOR OF THE DAT. A tea party—An olcl maid.—Truth. The time to burn a letter is before it is mailed. —Galveston News. Every man has his price, except those that are worth buying.—Puck. The difference between marbles and billiards is about ten years in the age of the play.—Puck. A deaf man cannot be legally con victed. It is unlawful to convict a man without a hearing.—Sittings. Father-in-law "I am ruined ; all is lost." Son-in-law "Ahem! Then I married for love, after all!" —Tit-Bits. If there were no great fool 3 in the world, wo wouldn't be nearly so well satisfied with ourselves as we are.—• Puck. "She never told her love." But if he didn't get wind of it, it was no fault of the busy-bodies. —Boston Transcript. A minister who was given a match sealed in au envelope for a wedding feo made light of the imposition. —Phila- delphia Record. "Did Bilkem leave anything when he died?" "Yes; his creditors. They're the worst left lot you ever saw."—Buffalo Courier. The fool seeketli to pluck the fly from the mule's hind leg, but the wise niHU letteth the job to the lowest bid der.—Memphis Appeal. Applicant—"Will there be a chance to get up in the world?" Proprietor "At half past three in the morning." —Kato Field's Washington. She—"l wonder why they call the so angel sleeves?" He —"What else could they be called when you wear them ?"—lndianapolis Journal. No one can appreciate the value of a match as can the smoker who lives in a house that in lighted by electric light and heated by steam. --Life. She —' 'Am I the first girl you ever proposed to, darling?" He (sincerely) "No; but you are the only girl who ever accepted me."—Brooklyn Life. Friend—"You don't take any out ing in the summer, I suppose?" Ice man—"Well, no; that's when I have my innings, you know."—Detroit Tri bune. "I have a notion to poke you in the face," said the boy to the banana. "What face?" asked tho banana. "My face." said the boy.—lndianapolis Sen tinel. Philosophers go about saying this is woman's age. According to hor own account womnr denies it—denies hav ing any age; die is always young.—• Flaming Swor I. "How do you like your new lady help, Mrs. Todgers." "I should like hor a good deal more, Mrs. Bodgors, if she was a little less the lady and ft little more of a help."—Tid-Bits. Novelist "l'd like to have my heroine do something absolutely unique!" Friend—"Yes? Why don't you have her faint when there's no one looking."—Detroit Tribune. Tramp—"Can you assist 1110 along the road, mum?" Lady of the House "Personally, I cannot; but I will unchain my dog, and I know ho will bo most pleased to do eo."—Tit-Bits. "Aren't you in the grave-robbing business?" asked the lawyer. "My profession, sir," responded tho wit ness, with dignity, "is that of oxhum atorial artist."—lndianapolis Journal. Mrs. Floeklon "I wonder is it true? Peoplo say that you sometimes goto sleep over your sermons." Parson Dutileigh—"People, I suspect, judge me by themselves."—Boston Tran script. 'Then you think I can never learn to dive. I don't see why?" Professor —"My dear young lady, you must re member that you would have to keep your mouth shut."—Chicago Inter- Oeean. First Traveler—"What is your busi ness?" Second Traveler (haughtily) -"I am a gentleman, sir." First Traveler "lndeed! How long have you been out of work?"— New York Herald. "I suppose it is quite cool in the Scotch Highlands, even in summer," said a Pittsburger to a friend who had been in Scotland. "Yes," the latter replioil, "the hills wear their furze all the time."—Pittsburg Chroaiole.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers