SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M; CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
Russian explorers arc endeavoring to
extend Russian influence in British In
dia.
Of the 900 languages spolfen in tlio
world, there aro about 750 into which
no portion of the Holy Scriptures has
yet been translated.
Iu the autograph collection of the Hto
Dr. Rallies, just sold in England, wan a
full set of signatures of the signers of the
Declaration of Independence. This
brought $4250.
■i Russia Is now rapidly constructing the
longest railway in the world. It is 4785
miles long, nearly twice the length of the
Canadian Pacific, and runs from Miask,
on the eastern side of the Ural range, to
Vladdivostoir, on the Sua of Japan. This
road will /make England's position in
India very insecure.
The curious fact has just boeu brought
to light in Kentucky, learns the New
York Post, that from 1857 to 1860 the
State loaned money to individuals. The
interest from t!iis source amounted to
51C,128 iu 1857, to 621,179.32 in 1858,
to $20,628.10 in 185-), and in 180'J to
$21,363.38. The State Auditor's report
for these years shows that many promi
nent Kcntuckiaus availed themselves of
this means of relief from"the stringency
of the money market." The loans were
all called in 18(51, and singularly enough,
both principal and interest were paid in
every instance.
New Orleans is at last to have a paid
fire department, announces tho New
York Post, tho city having been always
dependent on a volunteer servico. A
particularly commendable feature of tho
ordinance bestowing this long-delayed
boon ou the inhabitants is the provision
that the olliccrs of tho Department shall
hold their positions during good behav
ior. The appointment of the Fire Com
missioners and of the Chief of the De
partment is a prerogative of the Mayor.
To this, the New Orleans Times 'Democrat
objects strenuously, holding that it will
make the Department subject to the evils
of political influence.
The Illinois Legislature found it eafy
enough to pass the law providing that
"no person, firm, or corporation shall
employ any child under the age of thir
teen in any store, shop, factory or man
ufacturing establishment by tho day, or
any period of time greater than ortts
day," without a certificate issued by the
Board of Education that the labor of the
child is the only means of support of "an
aged or infirm relative." The enforce
ment of the law has not, however, been
found so easy, learns the New York Post.
No one appears to be charged with this
important matter, and as a consequence
tho employment of chiLlrcn under the
prohibited age goes ou the same as ever.
' Driving a speedy horse is so pleasant
and healthful a recreation, says Harper's
Weekly, that one is not surprised to learn
that Robert Bonner has spent $600,000
of his ample means in following tho ad
vico his physician gave him thirty-live
years ago. The money has been used in
acquiring the fastest trotters in this
country, and consequently in the world,
and among his pets have been numbered
such equine kings uud queens as Dexter,
Edwin Forest, Joe Elliott, liarus, Maud
S., and Sunol. No, speedier collection
of horses than those on his farm at Tar
rytowu ha? ever been gathered anywhere,
and it is doubtful if there ever will be
again, for few persons possess Mr. Bon
ner's taste for fast horses, or the means
to gratify it so fully if the taste existod.
According to the Washington corres
pondent of the St. Louis Globe-Democrat
"the supposition that there is a large
emigration from Japan to the United
States is without foundation. Instead of
20,000 Japanese beiug here, as is often
stated, the number is probably less than
4000. For the decade beginning with
1861, when a solitary subject of tho
Mikado ventured to come to the New
World, the immigrants numbered 218.
For the two decades ending June 30,
1 1890, the figures indicato an immigration
2491. During the eleven months end
ing May 31 of this year, 901 Japanese
landed ou our shores. The increase from
year to year has been but flight, and if
no greater for the years that remain of
the century, there is little danger of the
presence of ; a 'horde wf Japanese,' so
much feared by some labor agitators.
The immigrants in 1886 numbered 194;
in 1887. 2291; in 1888, 404; 1889, 604,
und in 1890, |091."
THOROUGH.
Or.® and only must thy purpose bo,
IVhole and decided i
From giant forco but pygmy deed Wouldst
see .
Wore it divided. "
Thou must at ouco thy choico forever make.
For strifo or pleasure;
Must choose thu kernel or the huik to take—
Ilepent at leisure.
Some seek for pearls, othors for bubbles
mere,
On life's sea cruising:
Complain not if the bubble disappear—
'Tveas thine own choosing.
-—From the Swedish of Count Snoilsky.
THE COOK " REVENGE.
On the Sth (lay of September, 1868,
at 7 o'clock in the morning, with tho
Capo of Good Hope bearing almost duo
east and 700 miles away, wo sighted a
ship dead ahead. I was second inato of
the English brig Lord Clive, and wc
were bound from Australia to Liverpool
with wool.
It was my watch—which you must
know was the port or captain's watch—
and we were within two miles of the
stranger when the morning mist cleared
and wc sighted her. She was a small,
square rigged vessel, driving slowly off
before the western wind, and sho did
not show :v square foot of canvas on any
of her masts. I took tho glass and went
aloft, and my wonderment increased.
There was one man aboard of her, but
only one as far I could sec. He was
pacing the quarter deck, and had his
face turned toward us. There was no
signal of distress flying, and yet it was
plain enough that somothing was wrong
there.
I descended after a long look, and Just
then the captain came ou deck. Wo had
about a Ave knot breeze, and we were
not long in overhauling tho stranger.
Iler wheel was lashed, and as wo came
upon her starboard qtrarter we still failed
to make out more than tho ono man. We
were near enough to see that he was a
Portuguese, and evidently one of the
crew. The name of the ship was tho
Three Brothers, and sho hailed from the
Cape. We all immediately remembered
seeing her at Sidney, and of her having
left two weeks before we did. She was
loaded with wool to be taken on at tho
Cape by the liners coming down 112 am
Intlia. Our captain hailed as wo swept
past her, but the sailor waved his hand
to signify that nothing was wanted.
"There is something very queer
there," said our captain as wo got clear of
her, • 'and I propose to investigate."
We lulled up a eoup'e of points to be
clear of her and threw the brig into the
wind. I was ordered to take two men
and pull off to the stranger, which was
drifting along at the rate of about two
miles an hour. We had a boat down and
were off in a minute, and in another ten
we should have been up with her had not
something happened. The Portuguese
stood looking at us for half a minute as
we approached. Then he disappeared
and I suddenly caught sight of a musket
barrel over the rail. I was wondering if
my eyes deceived mo, when the villain
fired and one of my men pitched forward
on his lace, shot through the back, and
breathing his last within five minutes.
The sailor then stood up and warned us by
gestures to keep away or he'd serve out
another, and you may guess that we lost
no time in returning to the brig.
What had occurred only deepened the
mystery. There was a ship, evidently in
the best condition, but without a sail set
and in charge of only one mac. Instead
of pursuing her voyage she was drifting
like a log. If in distress she showed uo
signal and one of our men had just beeu
murdered while we were on the way to
offer our services. It was a pretty tough
nut to crack, but our captain was de
termined to find tho kernel. We hauled
back on our course and again overtook
the ship and this time we ran down so
close to ncr that one could have pitched
his cap aboard. Every man of us was
looking, but we saw only that Portu
guese sailor. He had fivo or six muskets
piled up on the cabin skylight and he
turned his back on us as we swept past.
The decks were clear and in perfect or
der and the sails had been neatly stowed
and furled.
"What's the matter? What has hap
pened? What do you want?"
So the captain shouted at the man, but
he paid not the slightest heed. We ran
ahead of her about a mile and then luffed
up again, and as the ship came dritting
down the captain said
'•There's been some awful doings
aboard yonder craft. It hasn't been
mutiny, because there'd be more ineu
about, but I'm thinking that man has
somehow made way with every other
soul! It's our duty to solve the mystery
if we can, but we don't want any more
murders. Mr. Piper, you will pull off
to him again and try to get aboard.
Take a musket with you, and if he fires
at you try and kill him!"
I went off, with two more men, hold
ing the boat across the drifting ship.
When she was within musket-shot, the
Portuguese began blazing away. I could
only sec th? top of his head above the
rail, as the ship had high bulwarks, and
I don't suppose my bullet even whistled
in his ears. He had a terrible advantage
of us, but I had determined to make a
dash and board him, when his third shot
struck ono of my men in tho arm anil
crippled him for life, and within fifteen
seoonds he fired again and knocked my
hat off my head.
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 18, 1891.
There was intense excitement aboard
the brig When we pulled back. Every
man of us now folt that the Portuguese
Was the sole survivor of some awful
tragedy, and that he meant to
fight to the death to keep us from board-,
ing the ship. Wo were more than full
handed on the brig, there being four
men who had |«aM the captain a few dol
lars each and wero working tho balance
of their passage. If wo found the ship
without crew enough to work her we
could take her in and claim a pretty lump
of salvage. This fact had its influence
on our captain, no doubt, though I be
lieve he would have stood by her until
the mystery was solved to satisfy his own
curiosity. It was now decided to send
out two boats, and after rummaging
around we armed ourselves with three old
musket? and a revolver—all tho firearms
tho brig could boast of. The first mato
took one boat with three men in it, and
I took tho other with an equal number.
Wo planned to menauce him, so that ho
would fall into confusion, and we lay on
our oars and lot the ship drift down to
us. I was to hook onto her bows, while
the first mato kept the sailors busy aft;
but we didu't know how much devil
there was in him. 110 divided his stock
of guns lorward and aft, and his first
bullet killed a man In the mate's boat.
My boat had hooked onto the forccliains,
and I was thinkiug wo had a clear way
to the deck when ho upset a pail of boil
ing water over us from the rail, and all
of us were forced to leap into tho 6ea to
ease our torments. The trio of us wero
terribly scalded and one of the men en
tirely loit the sight of his left eyo.
We had not only made another failure,
but here was another dead man and more
wounded. Our crew was uow for bearing
away and making no further attempt to
board the stranger, but the captain cried
out that he would stand by until he had
lost every man and his own life, too, bo
fore he would be defeated by a singlo
man. Wo had to furl everything to keep
in company with the ship, and for three
hours the two crafts drifted along
almost within musket shot. Then we
were ready for another attack. We had
constructed three bullet-proof shelters
aloug the port rail, and the idea was to
run down alongside the ship and shoot
tho Portuguese as wo passed. We made
sail and ran down, but only to find that
the wily villain had himself constructed
a shelter and our bullets could not reach
him. He gave us three shots while
within rango, and though ho hit no one,
his shooting was uncomfortably close,
and proved that ho was a good marks
man.
There was but one other way to at
tack him, and we put that off until late
in the afternoon. Wo wanted wind and
sea togo down aud wc had our wish.
Along about 4 o'clock the breeze dropped
almost out of sight, while the sea
was without a white-cap. Wc had made
a heavy grappling iron, anil the idea was
to lay the ship aboard. When all was
ready we bore down on her, and this was
a move the Portuguese could not check
mate. He had to remain behind his
shelter or expose himself to our bullets.
We ran alongside, cast our grapuel, and
the two crafts drifted side by side. Our
captain then gave the sigual, aud five of
us made a rush over the ship's rail- In
doing so we were exposed to the sailor's
fire, and he shot the carpenter through
the heart. He had time to tiro ouly
once, however, but when the four of us
piled onto him we fouud him almost our
match. Had not help come I verily be
lieve lie would have gained tho victory.
IJc seemed endowed with the strength of
a giant, aud his fierceness was that of a
wounded tiger. While he was being
bound he got a sailor's finger between
his sharp teeth and bit it clean off, and
not one of us escaped without bruises.
When we had finally secured our man
we began tho work of clearing up tho
mystery. Not a soul could we fiud aboard
the ship, nor could we at first account for
the absence of the crew. Theu one thing
and auother was brought to light to tell
us the horrible story. Sho had left Syd
ney with fourtecu men. The fieud of a
Portuguese had murdered each and every
man by means of poison in the rum. He
was the cook. A week out of port she
had met with heavy weather and been
obliged to lie to and ride it out. This
was how she came to have everything
snug alof. It was while she was riding
out the gale that the captain had some
trouble with the cook. Just what it was
no one but the Portuguese knew. He
claimed to have been brutally assaulted
without cause, and to revenge himself he
poisoned a demijohn of rum kept for the
captain's use. Some of this rum he
claimed, was afterwards served out to all
hands without his knowledge aud the
entire crew were thus killed off.
What the real facts were could never
be brought out. As we fouud no blood
or other evideuces of murder in tho or
dinary way, wo had to accept the sailor's
statement about the poison. lie had
dragged every dead man on deck and
thrown him over, and when the gale
ceased tho ship had taken her own way
to come about and go driving off. The
villain had no idea as to where she would
bring up, and he didn't care so long as
he was not overhauled.
After a great deal of hard work we
got both crafts to Cape Town, and there
the wholesale murderer was turned over
for trial. He told the story of the poison
ing as coolly as you please, and I shall
never forget his statement of what fol
lowed after the liquor was served out.
"Captain he fall down and cry out and
die!" explained the fiend. "Then the
mate ho roll over anil scream and go
dead. Then the sailors call to God to
save 'em, but all go dead ia one-hail
hour!"
"Then what?" was asked.
"Then I laugh ha! hat hat and throw
'cm all overboard! Some sink and somo
112 float away!"
I was present when ho was executed.
During all his trial and imprisonment ho
never expressed tho slightest regret for
his awful crime. There was a demsnd
that ho be hung alive in chains, but cf
courso nothing of the sort could be legal
ly dono. Ho walked to the gal low's
with smiling face, bowed to tho crowd
gathered to see him die and shouted so
that all could hear:
"I kill seventeen men, and you kill
only one—ha I ha! ha!"— M. Quad, in
Neio York World.
The Engrlo as an Emblem.
In ancient mythology the eagle was
believed to carry the souls of the dying
to their abode on Mount Olympus, and
was called the Bird of Jove. Tho eagle
wuv first taken as a symbol of royal
power by tho ancient Etruscans, who
boro its imago upon their standard. In
the year 87 B. C., a silver eagle, with
expanded wings, poised on tho top of a
s|>ear, with a thunderbolt held in its
claws, was adopted as the military stand
ard to bo borne at tho head of their
legions by the Romans. At tho time of
Hadrian a golden eaglo was substituted
for the silver one. A two-headed eagle
was adopted by tho Byzantine emperors
as a symbol of their control of both the
east and the west. The double-headed
eagle of Russia was adopted on the mar
riage of Ivan I. with a Grecian princess
of tho eastern empire; that of Austria
was first used when the Emperor of Ger
many took the title of Roman emperor.
Tho national standard of Russia l>ears a
black eagle, that of Poland a white one.
Napoleon I. took a golden eagle for his
standard, model of pure gold, and bear
ing a thunderbolt, after the pattern of
the eagle of tho Romans. This standard
was disused under the Bourbons, but
was restored by u decree of Louis Na
poleon In 1852. The eagle was first used
on American coins in 1788, on cents and
half cents issued from the Massachusetts
mint. It was adopted in the plan of a
national coinago as a design upon all gold
coins and on tho silver dollar, half
dollar and quarter. The design of the
eagle was at one time suggested for the
national flag, but was abandoned.—De
troit Free Presn.
AH Electrical Voting Machine.
Jn the "Braissorie Flamaude" at Brus
sels there is exhibited an election ma
chine, invented by M. Moreau, a Belgian
engineer. The remarkable apparatus
looks like a grand piano. In place of
the keyboard there are two rows of but
tons, similar to those used for electric
doorbells. If au elector wishes to vote,
all he has to do is to press one of the
buttons. Above tho buttons the names
of the candidates are s ion, for cich but
ton one name. As there are many elec
tors, especially in Belgium, who cannot
read, Mr. Moreau has constructed his ma
chine in such way that a photograph
(picture) can eventually appear along
with the names of the candidates. Below
the button rows a box is found contain
ing the electrical numbering or counting
miichine. Every button registers the
names by ones, tens, hundreds mid
thousands. The electrical current is un
der tho box. As soon as tho elector steps
oil tho platform, which is part of the ap
paratus, the electrical current begins to
play. Against fraud and repeating the
inventor lias also guarded in making it
impossible for one elector to press twice
at the same button without tho intermis
sion of several seconds. To vote again
he must step from the platform, then
wait a few seconds, after which pause
ho again can ascend it if tho officers al
low it. The secrecy of the ballot is
guarded by a screen which shields the
whole apparatus. After election time is
over the box is taken out of the machine
and tho result is found as the votes were
already (added) counted by the machine.
—New York Recorder.
Ills Secret of Longevity.
A Hutheniau, 124 years old, is living
in the town of Belgorod, Russia. His
name is Bogdan Nitehinorenko. Ho is
still hale and hearty, only his hearing is
somewhat impaired. He ascribes his old
ago to his mauncr of living. At the age
of twenty-live ho became ill, and asthero
were 110 physicians in tho neighborhood,
a Tartar practitioner, or "wise man,"
was engaged to cure him. For three
weeks he was under the Znakhar's treat
ment until his health was restored. Part
iii£ from him the Znakhar told him that
if he wished to live long he must never
eat any old or stale food. For fear lest
he fall sick again, NitcMnorenko ob
served this rule scrupulously. Ho ato
nothing but spring fowl, veal or lamb,
and never touched a piece of meat of au
old animal. Even garden fruit ho ate
only when it was quite young and fresh;
he never touched canned or pickled food
of any kind.— Picayune.
Catching 1 a Nebula.
Tho recent improvement in photog
raphy aud its uso in astronomy has
proved most valuable to the study of
that science. A dry plate can be ex
posed for a suitable length of time in the
telescope, and the image thus obtained
will contain the details of a nebula, even
where tho amount of woulu be
inu>erceptible to the naked ey&, thus
producing an image far more useful and
accurate than could be obtained by u
drawing.— Philadelphia Record.
Terms—Sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Paris is soon to be lighted, as to its
Streets, almost entirely by electricity.
A cubic foot of aluminum weighs 157
pounds. A cubic foot of copper weighs
658 pounds.
Tho most recent steel rails have a
higher percentage of carbon and the steel
produced is harder.
Somo remarkable experiments in talk
ing with monkeys by aid of a phono
graph are made public.
At Wilkesbarre, Penn., the electric
lights and long days have reduced the
price of gas from SI.BO to $1.60 per
thousand.
Pennsylvania makes fifty-two out of
every 100 tons of rolled iron in the
United States,aud sixty-nino out of every
100 tons of steel rails.
Professor Gardner has decided togo
to Africa to engage iu the uueougenial
but scientific study of the language of
monkeys in their native state.
In tho Island of Cuba great progress
has been made in establishing electric
light plants. This is notably the case
in Havana, where the central station has
a capacity of 6000 lights.
A military force on the march soems
to suffer less from what is popularly
known as sun-stroke than civilians walk
ing our crowded streets or engaged iu
mercantile and mechanical pursuits.
Some plants appear to be able to grow
and develop in total darkness. A com
mittee of the Royal Horticultural Society
has been told of hyacinths that developed
colored flowers, although prevented by
some accident from couiiug above the
ground.
One of the London street car compan
ies has in use au automatic "starter."
Two powerful spiral springs, fastened to
the front nxle, are wound up through
being applied to tho car's stoppage, so
that when it is desired togo on again
they are capable of starting it.
Tho great Ilotnostake Mine nt Lead
City, South Dakota, uses powder to
blast the oro. When the ore Is crushed,
it is then stamped into powder and
washed over a quicksilver plate to catch
the gold. More than 1500 men are em
ployed, with a pay roll of SIOO,OOO a
month.
The Chinese Government, is about to
begin the manufacture of ste< i, and blast
furnaces on the Clevoland pri.""ipal, ca
pable of turning out 100 tons per day,
are being erected at Han-Kow. Besse
mer and Siemens-Martin plant, bar
rolling mills, etc., will also be put up
at the same place.
A pneumatic chisel has been intro
duced into u stone-cutting establishment
iu Germany. It resembles iu appearance
a syringe, which the operator holds with
both hands, aud as ho lets it slide over
the surface of the stone or metal tho
chisel chips off splinters and particles.
Compressed air, acting ou a piston, im
parts a rotation of from 10,000 to 12,000
revolutions a minute.
An ingenious apparatus has been intro
duced to prevent the wheels of electric
and other street cars from slipping. It
consists of a revolving brush connected
with the forward axle by a belt. As the
axl; revolves it sets the brushes in mo
tion, clearing a path for the wheels.
There is also operated in connection
with the device a box which allows the
escape of a sufficient amouut of eaml or
salt without the slightest waste.
Sajtfliorners Excel in Horsemanship.
The Southerner has been in the saddle
constantly for many generations, and to
day boys and girls alike ride the colts iu
pasture, with ouly a stick to guide them.
Iu the North these conditions and habits
ceased long ago. Riding is a mere fash
ion of very recent origin, though It has
acquired such an impetus that it may
havo come to stay.
The Southern seat is practically tho
same as the true military seat; and ex
cept that the bridle hand is wont to be
held a trifle too high, which is u habit
caught from the high pommel or roll of
blankets or other baggage in front of tho
soldier, this seat, when uot exaggerated,
is, all things considered, the best for
road-riding, and perhaps would enable a
man to do a greater number of things in
the saddle than any other one stylo. Aud
though the English pigskin is perhaps a
neater and more available rig, the South
erner is, in gaits aud style and knowledge
of road work, by far the best model for
us to copy, as his saddle-beast is the best
for us to buy.— Harj>er'a Magazine.
Across the Arctic ut Two Miles a Day.
As we have seen, the objects from tho
"Jeannetto" drifted in three years from
the New Siberian Islands to the west
coast of Greenland. If wo assume that
they required ono year for the drift
southward from latitude eighty degrees
north, on the east coast of Greenland,
only two years remain for the rest of the
journey, aud this requires a speed of no
more than two nautical miles in every
twenty-four hours. This does not seem
too high a rate when we remember that
the "Jeanctte" drifted at tho same speed
during the last half year of her drifting,
and that in the last days beforo she sank
she drifted at a much higher speiil,
which sometimes reached even eight
nautical miles every twenty-four hours.
It cannot therefore be considered prob
able that we should reach op .n water on
this side of the Pole within two years
after our start from the Siberian side;
and if we take provisions for five years
we may consider that we have au umplo
margin.— i'vru ut.
NO. 49.
AT THE BEND OF THE ROAD.
At the bond of the road you waved your
band,
A token and sign of a last ndicu,
And tbe twilight fell on a lonely land, •>
And ovor my soul a sorrow now*.
And you turnod into the world from mo
Who watched you with eyes whoso hot.
tears flowed.
The cruel world which I could not boo
That jußt beglus at the beild of the road.
And a trouble dropped on tho silent land
With the darkness unstayed by a moon or
star,
For my hope and my love, aud tho light
hand in hand.
Followed you into the futuro afar,
Followed you fain as the heart that sont,
Tho heart that lingered beneath its load
As Into the great, wide world youxwent,
The world that begins at the eud ,of tho
road.
To-night at the bend of tho road I stand • *
And a year has flown and many a day,
And the twilight falls on a lonely land.
For my love and tho light of my hope
delay,
I hoar the far sound of forgetful strife,
And a fear forlorn doth my soul forbode.
What hast thou done with my lovar, my
life,
O, world that bourns at tho bead of tho
road!
—A. W. Bellaw,in Detroit Free Press.
HUMOR OP THE DAY.
The bod of the riviv should be covered
with winding .sheets.— Life.
The mercury enjoy a sunny climb
now-a-days.— Binghamton Republican.
Every dog has liia day, but it is a
mean cur that will bark at night.— Life.
Good laws aro of little avail when bad
men arc depended upon to enforce them.
Terns Siftinqs.
Gummcy—"Hunting is right in the
swim." Gargoyle—"Yes; aud he finds
it difficult to keep his head abovo wa
ter."—Judge.
"Well, Ilardup, did you succeed in
raising anything ou your promise to
pay?" "Wi, yes; I raised a smile."—
Baltimore American.
Oh, yes; there is a skeleton in the
closet in every family, but it is so com
mon a thing that we make no bones of
it.— Boston Trani'-ript.
"There arc some unpleasant, features
in this business," muttered tho photo
grapher as he surveyed a row of his pa
trons.—Baltimore American.
Sarcastic yell after a dude in loud
plaid trousers: "Say, get them chloro
formed quick, or dey'll ring out the
paytubl."— Phila Llphia Record.
"Please give me a glass of soda water
without any suds on it,"was the order a
small boy gave at a local drug store the
other day.— Binghamton Leader.
"When I marry," explained the lieu
tenant, "my wife must have sufficient
dowry for me to support her both in
style aud comfort."— Fliegende Blaeiter.
"Chicago? Chicago? Oh, yes; that's
the name of a place ou the Illinois Cen
tral Railroad/' "Indeed! Which side
of the track is it on?" Detroit Free
Press.
Justice—"What's the charge against
this prisoner?" Officer O'Fagati—"Dis
savin' ther perlace, yer honor. He put
tlier sound soide av his apples on the:
outsoide."— Yale Record.
"That b'y av moine 'll make h:s mark
in the wurruld," said an Irishman. "He
will that same," replied his neighbor,
"if it's only by puttie' 'is fut in the
mud."— Washington Post.
The tuft-hunting American young
woman of fortune, when she reaches the
other side of the water, exclaims, in the
language of the turf: "Put up your
| dukes."— Boston '1 ranscript.
In Australia they use eggs for cur
rency. When the Government wants to
work up a strong money market it sim
ply fails to redeem its circulation for a
few weeks.— Dansville Breeze.
The most trying circumstances under
which a boy can be is when another boy
is in the alley winking at him and his
father is ollering him a nickel to carry in
a pile of wood.— 7'uxas Hif'tings.
Briton—"lf you arj such a rampant
American, I should think you would re
main where Americans are most appre
ciated."AAmerica"ln —"I do—in London
aud Paris."— Kate Field's Washington.
A Chicago man has invcutel an eletric
drill with which he proposes to bore a
hole to the center of the earth. Maybe
he will decide to bore clear through tho
earth, and make a whistle of it.—New
York Sun.
Lady (to tramp)—"This is the third
time you have called here to-day."
Tramp—"lt is true, madam; but lam
sure you wouldn't want a inau to get
along with any less than three meals a
day."— Cape Cod Item.
Attorney (to witness) —"What is your
age, sir?" Old Beau—"What has that
to do with the case?" "I insist upon an
answer." (After a pause) "I was just
five years old at the breaking out of the
war." "What war?'' (With extreme
reluctance) "The Blackhawk war."—
Chicago TrUnine.
"What wonderful progress the science
of optics has made in the past teu years I
The difficult complaints, astigmatism,
myopia, hyperopia, erinetropia and oth
ers, have been found." "There is one
thing I can't understand." "What's
that?" "How they found out their
names?"— Jemltrt? CircuUir.