The Church Road.
BUfiDETT'B INTERVIEW WITH TIIK RAILROAD
BRAKKMAN.
On the road once more, with Lebanon
fading away in the distance, the fat pas
fienger drumming idly on the window
pane, the cross passenger sound asleep
and the tall thin passenger reading "Gen.
Grant's Tour Around ihe World," and
wondering why "Green's August Flower"
should Ve printed above the doors of "A
Buddhist temple at Bfeto&rfev." To me
comes the biakeman, and seating himself
on the arm of my seat says :
"i went to church yesterday,"
"Yes?" I said, with that interested in
fiecton that asks for more. "And what
church did you attend !"
"Which do you gn?ss?" he asked.
"Some union mission church?" I haz
arded.
"Naw," he said, "I don't like to run on
these branch roads very much. I don't of
ten go to church, and when I do, I want
to run on the main line, where your run
is regular and you goon schedule time and
don't have to wait on connections. I don't
like to run on a branch. Good enough
but f don't like it."
"Episcopal?" I guessed.
"Limited express," he said, "all palace
cars and two dollars extra for a scat; fast
time and only stop at the big stations.
Nice line, but too exhaustive for a brake
man. All train men in uniform, conduct
or's punch and lantern silver plated, and
no train boys allowed. Then the passen
gers are allowed to talk back at the con
ductor, and it makes them too free and
easy. No, I couldcnt stand the palace car,
Rich road, though. Don't often hear of a
receiver being appointed for that line.
Some mighty nice people travel on it, too."
"Universalist?" I suggested.
"Broad gague," said the brakeman?
"does too much complimentary business.
Everybody travels on a pass. Conductor
doesn't get a fare once in fifty miles. Stops
at all flag stations and wont run into any
thing but a union depot. No smooking
car on the train. Train orders are rather
vague though and the train men don't get
along well with the passengers. No I
didn't go to the Universalist, though I
know some awfully good men who run on
that road."
''Presbyterian?" I asked.
"Narrow gague, eh?" said the brakeman,
"pretty tarck, straight as a rule; tunnel
right through a mountain lather than go
around it; Spirit level grade; passengers
have to show tickets be tore they get on
the train. Mighty strict road, but the
cars are a little narrow; have to sit one
in a seat and no'room in the aisle to dance.
Then there's no stop over tickets allowed;
gyt to go straight through to the station
you're ticketed for, or you can't get on at
all. When the car's full, r.o extra
coaches; cars built at the shops to hold
just so many and nobody else allowed on.
But you don't often hear of au accident on
that road. It's run right up to the rules."
"Maybe you joined the Free Thinkers?"
I said.
"Scrub road," said the brakeman, "dirt
road bed aud r.o ballast; no time card and
no train dispatcher. All trains run wild
and every engineer makes his own time
just as he pleases. Smoke if you want to;
kind of go as-yoti-please road. Too many
side tracks, and every switch wide open
all the time, with the switchman sound
asleep and the target lamp dead out. Get
on as you please ami get off when you
want to. Don't have to show your tick
ets, and the conductor isn't expected to
do anything but amuse the passengers.
No, sir I was offered a pass, but I don't
like the line. I don't like to travel on a
road that has no terminus. Do you know,
sir, I asked a division superintendent
where that road run to, and he said he
hoped to die if ho knew. I asked him if
the general superintendent could toll me,
arid he said lie didn't believe they had any
general superintendent, aud If they had, he j
didn't know any more about t he road than |
the passengers. I asked him who he re
ported to, and he said "nobody." I asked
a conductor who he got his orders from
and he said he didn't take orders from any
living man or dead ghost. And when I
asked the engineer who he got his orders
from and he said he'd like to see anybody
give him orders, he'd run that train to
suit himself or he'd run it into the ditch.
Now you see, sir, I'm a railroad man, and
I don't care to run on a road that has no
time, makes no connections, runs nowhere
and has no superintendent. It may be all
right, but I've railroaded too long to un
derstand it."
"Did you try the Methodist?" I said.
"Now you're shouting." he said with
some enthusiasm. "Nice road eh?" Fast
time and plenty of passengers. Engines
carry a power of steam, and don't }'ou
forget It; steam gague shows a hundred
and enough all tV.e time. Lively road;
when the conductor shouts "all aboard,"
you can l;cnr him to the next station.
Every train lamp shines like a headlight.
Stop-over checks are given on through
tickets ; passenger can drop off the train
as often as he pleases .do the station two
or three days and hop on the next revival
train that comes thundering along. Good,
whole-souled companionable conductors;
ain't a road in tin* country where the pas
sengers feel more at home. No passes;
every passenger pays full trade rateo for
his ticket. Wesleyauhou.se air brakes on
all trains, too; pretty safe road, but I
din't ride over it yesterday.
"Maybe you went to the Congregation
al church?" 1 said.
"Popular road," said the brakeman, "an
old road, too; one of the very oldest in
i?i the countrs. Good road bed and com
fortable cars. Well managed road, too;
directors don't interfere with division
superintendents and train orders. Road's
mighty popular but it's pretty independ
ant, too. See, didn't one of the division
superintendents down east discontiuu
one of the oldest stations on this line two
or three years ago? But it's a mighty
pleasant road to travel on. Always has
such a splendid class of passengers."
"Perhaps you tried the Baptist?" I
guessed once more.
"Ah, ha! ' said the breakman, ''she's a
daisy, isn't she? lliver road; beautiful
curves; swefp around anything to keep
close to the river, but it's all steel railaud
rock ballast' single track all the way and
not a side track from the round house to
the terminus. Takes leip of water to run
it through; double tanks at every station
and there isn't an engine in the shops that
can pull a pound or run a mile with less
than two gauges. But it runs through a
lovely country; these river roads always
do; river on one side and hill on the oth
er, and it's a ste3dv clime up the grade
all tho way till the run ends where the
lountainhead of the river begins. Yes,
sir. I'll take the river road every time for
a lovely trip, sure connections and good
time, and no prarie dust blowing in at
the windows. And yesterday, when the
conductor came around for the tickets
with a little basket punch, I didn't ask
linn to pass me, but i' paid my fare like a
little man—tweuty-ilvecents for an hour's
run and a little concert by the passengers
thrown in. I toll you. Pilgrim, you take
the liver road when you want—"
But just here the long whistle from the
engine announced a station and the brake
man hurried to the door, .shouting:
"Zionsville! This train makes no stops
between here and Indianapolis I"
review:
On I.y Twenty- Fi v o
Cent.K tx Month.
TRY IT?
Vertical
Feed.
As usual, the Vertical Feed
Sewing Machine took First Pre
mium, at the late county Fair.
1331. THE CULTIVATOR 1880.
AND
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