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THE BIXSMNOS OF GOVEENMEHT, LIKE THE DEWS OF HEAVES, SHOULD BE DISIEI3UIED ALIKE UKCT THE IIIOH AND THE LOW. THE KIOH AND THE POOR.
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tfrlrrt )mn:
NOT LOST, BUT GONE BEFORE-
BT ELIZABETH M. BBlCKETT.
Sue ia not dead ; she eits with mc
Within my quiet room ;
Although they late to me have said,
We ve laid her in the touib !'
bhe does not speak, but smiles on me
With her old girlish smile,
As if some happy secret made
Her spirit glad the while.
roam through old familiar rooms,
1 meet her on the stair:
And like a halo round her head
Gleams that soft braid of hair.
She eecros3ust as she used to seem.
In the golJun years ago,
When Lif) was in its sunny prime,
With hope and love a-glow.
stand before her pictured face,
A young anil happy girl.
A soft light gleaming in her eye.
And on each sunny curl.
O singer of earth's sweetest lnys ?
Though hushed thy notes through pain,
Vet with a faltering voice eould'st s.-iy :
Yes, I shall sing again
0 far-off city where 6he sleeps.
What ia thy pomp to me 'i
One little grave is dearer far
Than all thy pegeantry.
Young blue-eyed sleeper ! never more
Upon thy cheek, like rain.
Shall fall the tears, whose bitterest glow
Was, that they fell iu vain.
October with his misty shroud
Is robing earth and sky.
And up aitd dovn the garden-walks
Our petted dead flowers lie:
And like an oiH-lent funeral lump
Hangs high the ppcctrnl moon,
Aud earth seems a great burial place,
Where we must meet her soou !
Oh ! in the long untrodden years
Whene'er we count our band,
1 grieve to thiuk how we ahull miss
The clnsp of one dear hand.
And when we speak of thoso who've shared
Our bliss, our weal or woe,
Whene'er we speak of h:r ! 't trill be,
She died U God! long years ago I
3ftii.affllnnroi0.
Transcripts from the Docket of a late
Sheriff.
J)Y rUEDKKICK L- Vl'LTE.
SPECIAL BAIL.'
HKi'slhat confounded Frenchman again!'
j?aid 1, in looking over my budget of writs ;
and when shall 1 get rid of him?' that's the
point moft material to me. And Khali we
ever parfcompany ? He is as closely fitted to
my neck as the old man of the sea was to Sin
bad's. Aud what a name he has, too! Jean
I'ierre IJaptiste Alexandre Petard Gouvain !
Jjet me take a little breath after that!' 1
ilod to run over it quickly: Jean-Peea-I3u-teesUAlessand-Potar-Gouvan
: and I breathed
a little freer, aud I could not avoid exclaiming :
What a name! what a name!'
Now,' said I to myself, 'there is wmc quiet
net ia the name of John "Doe or Richard Hoe,
of John Smith, or any other legal fiction ;
but I do object to the abuse of simple customs,
ordinarily, and why Jean Gouvain would not
,U as well as the entirety' was, perhaps none
of my business. I protest against the use of
Jus grhole name in my very numerous inquiries
4fter him at his residence, and demanded to
Jsnow, simply, 'if Monsieur Gouvain was at
Jiomc.'
I said 'confounded Frenchman,' and I meant
it; because he had given mc so much trouble,
uid he had put my patience and perseverance
to 0 severe a test, that I could not but feel
iiunoycd at the very many not-at-home.s' BO
spitefully, in the end, dealt out to mc in my
inquiries for hinj, by the rosy-cheeked, full
inooued face, and red-haired Irish door-maid,
who BO often, aud in her peculiar way, had
nnswered my demand at the door.
My case was a very hard one. I had taxed
the patience of the attorney who sued the writ;
an "alias" writ had been issued, aud my re
turn thereto was the same as upon the origi
nal, viz., 'not found,' a "pluries." had also is
sued, and An "allias pluries," and the same
return upon both ; then came the second, third,
and fourth 'pluries' and Btill the fame re
turn. I believe I had this incubus, this dead
weight of writs in this matter, upon my shoul
ders for about six mouths or so; and, from the
many negative returns J had by my force of
circumstances been compelled to make, the
patient of the attorney was at length used, up,
and he threaten, that in case another such
return was made, to sue me for a 'false re.
turn.' I thought, therefore, that I was justi
Ged in using the expression 'confounded French
man'; particularly, as not by reason of any
neglect of mine, but Ixfause of his being in
the condition of a very little insect, upon who-
frail body you might put one of your digits,
and then, when you come to look for him, he
was n't there!
I don't know how it is, but it has seemed
to me that there are some very unreasonable
rople in this world. I may le mistaken, but
thought, that Mr. Gunnip, the aforesaid at
torney, was a little, a very little, inclined that
way. I declare, I Wave that he wanted or
exjiected mc to take Gouvain, as well where
lie was nor, as where lie was; uno uml he ex
pected me to find the 'little joker,' no matter
under what thimble lie was riggeo.
If I had inquired onee at Gouvain's resi
dence, I had a hundred times; and before my
inquiries had got to be a decided pest to the
girl, I was frequently and-pleasantly iuvited
her to leave my card, or my name ; but when
the inquiries were repeated daily, and some
times twice and thrice a day, and at different
hours of day and night, her good-humor pas
sed off, aud she snappishly and pertly replied:
'Sure, an ye'll not lave yer name, nor airy a
card ye have, 3Ir. Guvan is notathoam'; and
she pushed the door to, leaving me, a disap
pointed applicant, outside, to my own reflec
tions; of which the position of parties formed
the staple commodity.
'The early bird,' I said, 'catches the worm,'
and with this comfortable and homely saying,
I left the house, determined to be governed by
it; and I nursed myself with the assurance
that I would be the early bird in the morning
following, and that I would try the virtue of
the apothegm, catch the worm, aud rid my
self of being brought down or up by Mr. Gun
nip, imnaking, this time, satisfactorily to him,
a true return "id est" : 'Defendant taken:
fees due, sixty-nine cents.'
On the morning, long before the break of
day, I was up and doing. I started out on
my snaring expedition ; and as I had a con
siderable distance to go before I reached the
domicil of my very near dear, and attached
friend. Monsieur Gouvain attached, I hoped,
and prayed he might be ; very near, I trusted
he would be; dear, he undoubtedly would have
been, if I had been put to the cost of defen
ding that suit which was- threatened against
me for a false return, even if it eventuated in
a verdict for the defendant, in the way of counsel-fees,
etc. And, as I had judged, 1 came
upon the door-steps alout sun-rise, when 'for
certain' he must be iu the house, I thought,
if le ever was; 1 hoped, and yet I feared;
and wheu 1 was then in a state of abstracted
ness, not knowing exactly upon what business
I was engaged, until my hand was upon the
bell-pull.' I gave it a jark. and hear 1 the
tinkling ol the tx-11 gently decline into nothing
ness. 1 listened fur a foot-tread; a minute
elapsed then another and yet no one came.
I waited patiently : why should n't IV I had
endured an eternity of moments, almost, in
this, very business 1 1" this time, and I
thought I could wait a little lunger; parlicu-I.-ivU-
ns T friiicicd the culn linn till 2 lxiiut had
been approached, and I would not, as every j
thing seemed fitted for mc, destroy my pros
pects by acting hastily, and thereby give of- j
fence to the one whose business it was to aus- j
wer my summons at the door-bell.
It was well that I came to this determina
tion, for, as I had concluded, the door was
opeued, and my red-haired Cerlierus was
there, to deny or permit me entrance.
Ah! yees be afther Mr. Guvan so early,
ar yees? sail she to mc, in a scmi-savago in
quiry. I am,' answered I, 'very sorrow to trouble
you so early, but my business, is very urgent
aud pressing; beside,' I continued, 'after I
have communicated. with Mr. Gouvain once,
you'll not be troubled by me any more, 1 as
sure you. Is he in?'
In, is he? troth, I think he is: that is, in
his bed, I mane, bairin' he's jist gittin' out,'
replied she, jocularly. ' You see, Sir,' conti
nued she, '.Mr. Guvan is an airly riser; he
goes out airly, and comes home late, an' that's
the reason yees niver could find him hoam.
Now, if yees travel up the stairs, three pair
high, an' to the front of the house, an' mark
the door as has the number nine on it, an' rap
there, ye'll fiud Mr. Guvan.'
'Thank you! thank you!'
I went up the stairs, and having arrived at
the top of the three flight, 1 looked around the
many doors for the number nine, and it was
easily found. I then gave a tap at the door,
and then another tap, and I was then reques
ted by a voice which proceeded from the room,
to 'come in.'
I did as I was requested. I went in, and
addressed the gentleman, who had not yet
risen from his bed, although he was sit
ting up :
Mr. Gouvain V said I, interrogatively.
'Me 'ave zc houueur,' replied he, very cour
teously. He might -have the honor,' I thought, and
yet not be the Mr. Gouvain I wanted, when
he came to know my business; and, as no one
was with me to medicate that he was the verit
able Mr. Gouvain, it occurcd to mc at once
that I would ask him if he was the Mr. Gou
vain with the five prefixes to his surname.
'Oui! Jc le suis, Monsieur! Jeau IVrrc
Haptistc Alessandre Petard Gouvain. Vat
you vill 'avc wis mc? zc mattaire vat xsV
inquired he.
'I am the sheriff, Mr. Gouvain ; and I have
a writ for your arrest, iu which you arc ordered
to be held to bail iu the sum of fifteen hundred
dollars, at the suit of Gaspard Cesaneon. Can
you give the bail T
'Vous etes lc sheriff? ha ! ha !' ejaculated
he ; 'ze sheriff! Vous avez le papier pour men
arrctc! Quinze cent? piastres! Ze hommc
what vill me arreto cet Kesancon! Slandare!
vat you call clandare, Monsieur Sheriff V me
ovo nA rn! me no 'ave fifteen hundred dol-
lare ! Vat you call Bkudare, eh ? liesancon,
EBENSBURG, JUNE 29, 1 85-1 .
ch? vat you call slandare, ch? Monieur
t'h.-rifTr'
I enlightened him as well as I could, by giv
ing him a practical illustration of what slander
was, and what consequences flowed from the too
free use of the unruly member; which, lacing
jK'ifectly intelligible to him, he exclaimed,
with delight:
'Ah, ha! je comprends. You call mc EC
tief. zcrobbarc, ze rascal, zcblaggar, zoloaf
i slandare, ch 'C
'Yes, ail t'.iat is slander,' replied I.
Ah, Monsieur Sheriff,' exclaimed ho in
great eagerness, adressing me,'pardonnez-moi,
me 'avc no ask you for take ze chair ! IJe seat,
Monsieur .Sheriff! Pardon! Jesuisthe blag-
-v-.. .I..:.. 9 th V T
wilfgct from ze bed ; 1 will arranger iyou viU f
T 1 1 1 f . T '
CXCUSCZ Ilioi ; i. am ze uiafiiiiir, iu iui, j. avv
no ask you for take ze chair ze seat be
fore!' I seated myself, as requested ; but I thought
my friend exhibited rather too much warmth
iu his regrets of omissions in politiuess for my
comforts, seeing that he was somewhat pecu
liarly fixed ; and I could just at that time freely
forgive him, as his mind was upon other mat
ters than politiuess.
Gouvain, meanwhile, had risen and proceed
ed to dress aud arrange his toilet. While I re
mained seated, waiting patiently for him, he
would occasionally turn to me and remark, in
French and Franco-Angliee, and in broken
English, his regrets at his want of ciillitc, and
his objurgations of slander and I presume he
felt it, too giving to the word the whole lengh
thened sound, and terminating with a strong
emphasis : -Ann- Jarc, ch '!'
I thought it very strange that he had not as
yet uttered one word of denial as to the charge
of slander, or of the arrest, or about the plain
tiff; and I was curious enough to hear his ver
sion of the affair ; yet although it was none of
my business to make iuquiries, I nevertheless
was very anxious; an 1 1 doubted not that the
narrative, his part of it, would conic in good
time ; anil I was not mistaken.
He had completed his toilet, and he desired
tjknow if I would permit him to-gct a break
fast (by this time it was about seven o'clock,)
and I assented to his very reasonable request
without hesitation, aud we came down the
stairs to the hall, where I saw the Milesian
guardian of the door: at the sight of me and
my prisoner, although she did n't know my
business, she addressed Mr. Gouvain, saying :
'YViil yees be back the night , irV
'No, Mary! I zink me nevare come back; I
go wis dis gentilhomine ; Je suis tres oblige for
your attention : perhaps, I nevare come back.
Ah! yes, I oublie 1 forget.'
And while saying this lie drew from his
pocket a few loose coin and deposited the same
in Mary's extended hand, which as she received
she showered a thousand blessings upon his
head, and hopod that iu whatever position he
was placed he would never have a less willing
attendant upon his wants than she.
And a less willing recipient of his silver,
thought I.
'Sure, an I knowed yees was afther takiu'
Mr. Guvan wid yees, and niver let him kiln
hoam at all anv more," exclaimed she, addrcs-
sing me, and looking lor all tne woria line a
VI nivr Vim in that dure: and I do
'J ' J , '. ,
n't know who you arc, shurc ; coming here,
shurc ; ami carnn away win yees uaciui giuue
man. shurc ; and ye may go; an' yees must n't
kim here any more, takin' wid yees such Hi
mi t frmrVtiiaii :is Mr. Guvan: no: an Ida
niver got troo that dure, nnd d' yc mind that
now r
Tlii -: n blast T did not count on : vet. as
egtfs are not thickens until the period of incu-
latiin lias passeu, a moujiui mai m-iniBiuug
her anathemas would be realized by the Ara
bian proverb, and that like young chickens
thev would tome home to roost.
'Mary, said 1 to her, coaxingiy.
Ah ! none o' that ! Bother with yees !'
said she.
Mary.' continued I, 'you have had a deal
of trouble.'
'Trouble? Ihadiudadc; an yc may well
say that.'
'Zis is geutilhomuie, -Hary, ooscrveu uu-
vam.
'Here, Mary,' said I, 'here 's something tor
the trouble I've put you to ; take it,' and!
dropped a quarter in her ever-extended
hand. 'Jow be quictea, ;uary, i"uumii,
nblrwwllirr linr. 'I think Mr. Gouvain is nus-
taken, when he says that perhaps he will ne
ver come back.
I'poo this seeming consolation, together
with the quarter, the girl appeared satisfied,
and Gouvain and myself left the house amid
showers of blessings heaped upon both our
heads by the now satisfied Mary, who linger
ed yet upon the door-stops, and her voice was
heard by nic, saying:
'(Jon bless yees both'
And then 1 thought that the eggs were
hatched, and the chickens had got home and
had roosted.
I went with Gouvain to the restaurant where
he usually took his breakfast, and, seated at
the same table with him, he, of his own voli
tion, while the meal was being prepared, gave
me a short history of his and Uesancon's posi
tion !! regard to a delicate little affair, where
in they were rivald to a fair lady's hand, heart
and fortune
It appeared that IVsancon was a French
man, too; and he and Gouvaia had liecomc
enamoured of a young French lady, beautiful
in person or miud, as well as being favored
with quite a sum of money in hand ; the lady,
who, I suppose, acting with the customary eco
nomy of her set, was, atyetr, nothwithstaiiding
rl.T. U-iA vo.fivril tio. addresses or visits. I do
n't kuow which, of both the parties, free from
liaving committed Iierselt toeitner ; auu i sup
pose she was exercising her best di.-cretiou
whom to elect, liesancon or Gouvain. Thus
matters stood, when liesancon, fearing the
presence, and good looks, and form of Gon-
.r-in nrl CL.irTu-iiiT lir ii 1 1 1 vt. have doi.p
aiu, II ' '
jhnt. ibrsrt rm.ilitirs. added to a pood address.
wwv - r,
were of some consideration to a lady under her
circumstances, :JihouhsIie had never intimat -
.v -..r.l o.-t rr .1.-1 th.it t.n f. rred
one over the other ; vet IJesaiicon Jacked the
same or any of the advantage iu a measure
that (jovam possotwsed ; and he was tired by
jealousy in not being elected as the favore par
ty ; he therefore was resolved to try a master
stroke of jioliey in the art of love by ridding
himself or his rival, and having the ground
cleared from all incumbrances.
This scheme of Jlesancon's was now 1-oing
carried out by me, although 1 knew nothing
of it before, by the arrest of Gouvain ujm the
action of slander which 1 was then engaged iu.
I f.lt sorry for him, particularly as he had
told mo he had no friends, and could not,
therefore, apply to any one to give bail for
linn"; yet I was determined if I could serve him
in his extremity I would do so.
The breakfast being concluded, I observed
to him 'that he had lx'tter think over the mat
ter, and see if there were none of his friends
who would give the required security.'
'Me ave no fren ; me no sink ; me etrangere,
Monsieur Sheriff, ct pourquoi me sink. No,
no, I go wis you, eh ; oui, 1 go to ze prison,
eh ; and perhaps some bozzy will vat you ca'l
him, eh ''
'Ilail,' interrupted I.
'A ! oui, bail ; some bozzy will baile me ;
bail, ah ! bail est charmante !'
I thought that bail would be really charming
to my enthusiastic prisoner, but where he was
to find that somebody, who perhaps would go
bail for him, was beyond my comprehension.
Finding that he had no one to call upon iu
his extremity, and that every moment I spent
with him was a loss of time to me as well as
being no benefit to him, I concluded (with his
entire concurrence) to take him to jail ; and
having given him to the charge of the jailor,
I bad him adieu, and was about leaving him :
he pressed my hand and said :
'Mon ami, Je vous rcmerci beaucoup, me
ver much obliged ; ha ! ha ! Je pense, oui ;' and
here he put his hand on his breast in order to
convince me of the firmness of his faith ; 'oui,
me sink some bozzy will bail, yes, bail e mc.'
And I doubted not he felt all he said. 'Adieu !
mon ami,' cried he, and I left him ; but still I
heard, as wc parted, the word 'bail' lingering
about me until distance drowned it altogether.
Matters remained quiet for a day or two ; so
also did Monsieur Gouvain, I fancy, cooped
up as he was in our larn of a prison iu Kld
ridge street ; at least I heard nothing to the
contrary. He had been iu close custody the
time afore stated, when I received an applica
tion by a party who agreed to furuish satisfac
tory bail ; and as I was exceedingly anxious to
relieve the poor fellow from imprisonment upon
what I deemed a frivolous action, I assented
to the proposition for bail, and named the
time most 'convenient to the sureties, who
might attend before me at the earliest hour
they saw fit to fix upon.
The hour was'appointed, and the ru ratios
attcuded and executed the bond for his release.
The sureties were ample ami jcrfeetly respon
sible; and I thereupon gave an order for his
immediate discharge.
Gouvain was now at lilrty at once more,
an l I supposed that he had forgotten mo, for
I did not hear of him for several weeks ; he and
his imprisonment passed-out of my memory,
engrossed as I was iu the cares of my office, and
I thought no more of him.
I did him wrong, however, in supposing he
had forgotten me, for one day he came in my
office, and desired to have a private conversa
tion with me, which 1 readily granted, because
I was always pleased with him ; ami from the
moment I first saw him I was favorably inclin
ed to him. 1 observed to him:
'Now, 'Monsieur Gouvain, what will you
have?'
Vat I vill ave, eh?' replied he, iu great
earnestness, and giving his shoulders a shrug,
his hands clasped together, 'Ah, Monsieur
Sheriff, me vill 'ave. vat, je crois you will not
give eh?' And lie looked steadily in my
eye as through lie expected to fiud there an af
firmative to his demand.
'Speak out, my friend,' said I ; what do you
desire ''
'Me desire, mon ami, votre daguerreotype
you portrait, you will give him to me, eh':'
'You want my portrait my daguerreotype,
do you? Why, I should think you have had
enough of my face .
'Non! Non, Monsieur Sheriff. Ah! oui
i'oublie,' and he touched his hump of memory
witn his iorc-nnger ; vjui, j ouunc.
You forget. Monsieur Gouvain; torget
what? what do you forget V I asked him.
'Me crczzy, me sink. . Mc marry, mc 'ave
charmante lady. Oh! ah! and then striking
his head and stamping bis toot, and expressing
by action better than he could by language his
disappointment la not being awe to communi
cate his present state of happiness to tr.e in
English. 'Ah, nevare mine ; je nc pane pas
Anglais.
What, saij I, 'Arc you married, and to
whom ?'
.'Me marry ze bail bail-e; ah, Monsieur
Sheriff, joty lady, la dame est charmante.
Ze bail is ma femme, an l lcsancoii is in i
bozzy novair. Ze bail bail-e, ha! ha!
vair is liesancon? No vair, ha, ha, ha! I
love ?c bail bail-e, and he appeared, while
uttering his thoughts thus spasmodically, to
be in the groatestTgood humor with every body
and things except JJcsancoii, whom lie occa
sionally 4i it by saying that he was 'iiouun,'
by whicli-iuh.-rrcd that he (Gouvain) was, by
his adroitm ss, all over or every where.
The facts of this case now st-ired me full in
the face..cs'iTrjorrs stroke of policy in the
art of love was fairly illustrated to me. He,
in r.i-il.i- l.i Ti.iiinve n rival lover oat of Ins
way, consulted with his attorney, and the two J
Lad patched up the plant oiarrcM.iug uuuaiu
for f-lauder. This would have been a capital
trick, if the removal had been sure; but,
VJtoiuiic propone t Dim dispt ? and the very
means he resorted to, by putting Gouvain out
of the premoe of the lady, was the surest one,
if she had any soul, or if ehe had any regard
or love for Lhn, to teach her heart. She heard
j of tiouvain's arrest ; .-he km w bis lu-lpbs-.
' condition, a stranger to r l.uigungc, law
and custom". She, like a tru woman, res
pmdod to the promptings of that little moni
tor of ur miuIs, and prang to his assistance
and relief. She was happy iu l:a ing r. leased
the idol f.f her now bursting love : nnd then it
was th it Gouvaiu experienced the solid plea
sure of leiiig eleetcd the fair one.
And then I thought of the int nsity of Gou
vain' utterance of the word 'Hail.' He knew,
he felt that if there was any love for liiin iu
the bosom of tic fair one, bis situation, a pri
soner npou the complaint of a rival, would
bring it out. If he was remitted to remain iu
jail, why, of course, then she loved liesancon.
If be was bailed by or through her interposi
tion, then, as a matter of surety, he was the
favored one, and Jiesaneou's ell'oi t, aided by
his attorney, was an apt illustration of the ope
rations of all blind guides.
'Votre daguerrotyjic your portrait!' ex
claimed Gouvain, addressing mc with great
earnestness, and awakening me from the train
of thought iu which I was indulging, 'You vill
give him to me, ch? Ah, Monsieur Sheriff, I
s'all 'ave ze plaisir, ch! You s'all say no;
vous m'aceordercz la favour, que je vous de
mande no voulez vous pas, chK'
'No,' I replied, 'I will not deny you, but I
cannot see what pleasure there can be in re
garding a face that always must remind you of
your being in jail.'
'Zis affaire, Monsieur Sheriff, est toute dif
fcreiite,' ami he touched his left hand with the
fore-finger of his right, convincing me, or at
tempting to do so, by action. 'Uesancon will
'ave meanest fr nossing, eh! vat I do, ch?
You take me ze prison ; j'ai rcstc la for lcctle
time. I bail bade, ha, ha! ma chore est
mon bail, liesancon is no var; me marry!
You, mon cher ami my besterfren me vill
'ave your daguerreotype ; mafeiuiueaussi, you
will co wis me for take ze Iikene toute mite.
cut'Z partous.
I could not resist him, so desirous he seem
ed to be, and particularly, too, os it was his
wife's request, also; and I went with him at
once to Haas, and his desires were satisfied :
so I fancied, for he made all the acknowledg
ments and thanks in French and Fnglish he
was capable of uttering, for the rare favor I
had granted the privilege of occasionally
glancing at the lineaments of one who, in his
language, was his 'cher ami, his 1 "ester fren.'
The suit of liesancon vs. Gouvain never
came to trial : the order for bail was discharg
ed, and a default taken by Gouvain's attorney;
aud, as a necessary means of satisfaction, an
execution for costs was issued against Uesan
eon, which were never collected, lecause, as
in the event of hi.s not paying the costs afore
said, a Cu Sa would issue, and then he feared
the same vis:tation which he had procured for
his fortunate rival ; but, unlike him, as he
doubted he would find any farr lady 'to bail,
bail-e him,' in like circumstances; therefore,
when the f't Sa did Issue, my return w:.s,
Not found.' He had gone from out my
bailiwick. I have seen Gouvaiu often s'uicj.
He is, doubtless, very happy with his bail.
Indeed, he must le, as any one could not
otherwise be who had been so fortunate as he
was in having got rid so quickly ami so oppor
tunely of his rival iu matrimonial speculations',
and who, by reason of his imprisonment, had
procured a rich w ife at so cheap a cost, by h r
becoming 'Sjecial Bail' in the action Bcxtiacoii
vs. (Juumiii.
Pat and the Oysters
Pat, who had just been transplanted, had
Ihh u sent by his master to purchase d bushel
of oysters, at tfie qiiai ; but was absent so long
that apprehensions were entertained for his
safety. He returned at list, however, puffing
under his load in the musical style.
'Where have you been":' exclaimed hi.s
master.
Where have I been? why, where should I
l0 but to fetch the oysters V
And what in the name of St. P
trick kept
you so long Y'
Long' I think I have been pretty quick,
considering ail things.'
Considering what things?'
'Considering what things? why considering
the gutting of the ti.-h. to be sure.
'(iutting what fish?'
'What fish? why blut-an-owus, the oys
ters.' 'What do you meau?'
What I do mean? why, 1 do mean that as
I was resting down foment the Pickled Her
ring, having a ilhrop to comfort me, a giutlc
man axed me what I'd got iu my sack.'
'Ovstcrs,' said I.
'It's look at 'cm.' says he, and he opens
the back. 'Och, thunder aud praties,' says
he, 'who sold you these?'
It was Mick Carney,' says I, abord the
Poll doodle smack.
'Mick Carney, the thief of the world what
a blackguard he must le to give them to you
without getting.'
Aiu't they gutted?' says I.
'Devil a one,' says ho.
'Musha then,' says 1. 'what 11 do:
Do!' says he, 'I'd sooner do it myself than I
tec you so abused.
'And so he takes Jem in doors,, aud guts
'cm nalo and clean as you'll sec,' opening at
the same time, hi.s bag of oyster shells that
were as empty as the head that bore them in
to the house.
EfuHiiooks' mother and old MistrcssSlubbs,
were talking about lido babies.
'Why,' said Mistress Snooks, 'when I was
a baby, they put me in a quart pot, and then
put the lid on.'
Aud did you live ?' was the astonishing in
quiry of Mistress Stubbs. r
'They tell me I did" was the very atouiah
in reply of Mistress Snooks.
"-Well, did you er?' and Mistrceo Stubbs
fell to ku'itiing like one all possessed.
" It never was Sal, and it couldn't be Sy,
1 knew it was Kate oy
VOL. 1. XG. 40.
Getting Married.
The New Orb'rmi l'i ry,,ne relate ft little
incident which tr.ieq ir.l m one f the F.astcrn
town List hummer. Ii ocunvd in the chunk
on ote of those quiet id't.-ruooJin when all the
world M-ciiit ready to drvp aeJ.e nbclt the
flies buzz lazil v oil the win low panes, aud the
don lif ou the door-stone. The afu-rrvou
service had cndel. and the congregation wre
arranging themives fr the benediction,
wheu, to the great astonishment auifthe ma
nifest iiiterc.-t the w.rshipperi'. h? pood
parson descended from the pulpit to the desk
IkIow, and said, in a cahu, clear voice:
'Those wishing to lie united in the holy bonds
of matrimony, will now pleacc to come for
ward."
A deep stillness
ess instantly fell over the con
ii only by the rustling of silk.
cremation, bruk
as some pretty girl or excih'd matron changed
her iKi.-itioii, to catch the tirst view oi uio
couple to le married. No one, however,
aiose, or seemed iu the least inclined to arise.
Whereupon the worthy clergy mau, deeming
his first notice unheard or misunderstood, re
peated the invition :
'Let those wishing to be Ubi'.cl in the holy
loiids of matrimony, now come forward.
Still no one stirred. The silence became
almost audible, aud a painful sense of tho
awkwardness of the position was gradually
spreading among those present, whenayoung
gentleman who bad occupied a vacant seat in
the broad aisle during the service, slowly
aio and deliberately walked to the foot of
the altar. He was good-looking and well
dressed, but no oue knew him, and no fenialo
accompanied his travels. When he arrived
uithin a respectable distance of the clergy
man, he paused, and, with a reverent bow,
stepped to one side of the aisle; but neither
said anything, nor seemed at all disconcerted
at the idea of being married alone. The
clergyman looked anxiously around for tlio
bride, who, he supposed, was yet to arrive,
and at length remarked to the young gentle
man in an uii'ler tone :
'The lady, sir, is dilatory.'
'Very, sir.'
'Had we not Utter defer the ceremony V
I think nut. Ho you suppose she will be
here soon?'
Me, sir!' said the astonished hhepherd;
how should I know of your lady's movements?
That is a matter belonging to yourself.'
A few moments more were suffered to clap-o
in this unpleasant t-tate of expectancy, wheu
the clergyman renewed his interrogatories.
'Did the lady promise to attend at the pre
sent hour, sir?'
What lady?'
Why, the lady, to be sure, tbt you are
waiting here for.'
'I did not hear say anything about it,' wa
the unsatisfactory response.
Then, sir, may 1 a-k why you are here,
and for what purpose you trifle with me iu this
manner?' said the somewhat enraged clerical
'I come, sir, simply because you invited all
those wishing to be united in the holy loudsof
matrimony to step forward, and I happened
to entertain sueh a wish ! I am wry sorry to
have misunderstood you, sir, and wish you &
very good day.'
The enediction was uttered with a (solem
nity of tone very little in accordance with the
twitching of the facial nerves ; and when, after
the church was closed, the story got wind
among the congregation, more than one girl
regretted that her wishes had not been as
lwildly expressed as the young gentleman's,
who had really wished to bo -united iu the
holy bonds of matrimony .'
Phtkixu a Hat. Irish girls are always
pretty smart, but onee in a w hile they commit
blunders and are generally so ludicrous and
funny that it is impossible to get angry ut them.
Atone of the houses in thi city, lies one who
has 'been over' but a few weeks. Lively as a
cricket, industrious ns a bee, aud honest and
willing to do. she of course is Weil licked by
those with whom she has taken up her abode.
A few daj's :igo, one of the Men, who Is
something of a practical joker, hapjeued to kill
a large rat. He handed to Nelly, and tuld her
he wanted it cooked for bis dinner. Nelly,
with a modest curtesy took the animal and pro
ceeded to the kitchen. A short time after, tho
lady of the house had occasion to go to the
kitchen, where she found Nelly trying to pull
the far from the rat, which she was occasionally
dinning into a kettle of scaldii -Lr water.
Why Nelly! what are you ubout?' a.kcd
the astonished lady.
'Sure an 'its thryiugto plm k the feathers oil
Jiis thing I am,' sail she, "for Mr. towld
me to cook it for dinner.'
The ladv soon put a stop to the jicrCrmanc-.
aud told Nelly with all the gravity she could
command, that the man had betn playing a
j ke upon her.
'Troth au' joke it is sure enough,' said she,
'for I never seen sieh feathers to stick iu all my
life.'
iT'I say ,San;V, where docs Squire Peters
li c ? asked a traveler cl a loy Ho sat gnna
ing and balancing himself on a r:i!
Turn np dat Street, den pa-sdat pond, den
turn to the right, den left, den strike off the
ole from side -of Marui Shed's hoose, and keep
goin' where you a Pkillis iu de corn field
and you can't help missiu' it.'
A Constitutional Dfkct. There is no
end of new names that people invent to dis
guise things which they wish to conceal, or
to mitigate disagreeable facts, which they cau
uot hide. Only a week ago we heard an in
genious man plead in excuse for obvious li
zuttts that he was wiisHtvttou'illy ttnd.
K,,.KT -Why. Mr. H .' said a tall youtb
to aiittle person in company with half a doz
zen huge men, 'I protest you are so small I
did not see you telore
Very likely,' replied the little gentleman
'I am like a sixpence among six copper pu
nv's; not readily perceived, but worth th-
whole of them