Butler citizen. (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, April 22, 1892, Image 1

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    VOL. XXIX.
having succeeded the old firm of Grieb
& Yogeley, are now about to give the
Public a chance to buy
# I
and get Quality, Style and Variety at
%J 7 4 •/
prices which will astonish our Competitors.
We intend, through courteous treatment,
prompt attention and small profits, to
make this the leading Boot and Shoe
House in Butler County.
No. 347 South Main Street,
WHEN YOU BUY" A PAIR. OF SHOES- you make, oa a email
scale, what ia jost a« much o< an investment tm though vou booirht
a hundred shares of railroad stock From this investment vou look
for a return If the shoes have not heen rnirfrepregented voti'll it; if thev
bare been yoa won't. What we claim for our Shoes ia that you rui no ri*k
when jon invest in them—that it will pay you to buy them. VVe cunnot
apeak too highly of oar
in both, Congress and Lace at $2, or of our Ladies' Fine D<>nirola Ki ,(
Button Shoes, Flexible Soles, nr>equal<-<j for wen- and unexcelled fur ftyi»
at tbe low price of $2 per pair. We are utill handling those same nh'>*'> lo
children which haye gained for p* such enviable rvpu'nr.i m tbrougbou' tbf
country. After your children bave.ouc- word th'-m you will hav« no olh^^r^
114 S. Main Street.
Better Late Than Never.
Biokel's Great Odd and End Sale Will
The Attention of Shrewd Cash Buyers is
Called to this ad.
The Following Goods Must Be Sold At Once.
180 pairs Ladieb' Fiue Dougoh. Button Shoe* SI.OO.
260 " " " Grain? " *" 90 ct-uts
280 " " " Uaiters - - 50 "
210 " " " Foxed (iiitern - 60 "
240 " " '* Grain Slippers - - oO '•
190 " " Oil (jrain Shoes - 75 "
120 " Old Ladies' Fine Shoes - - SI.OO.
410 " Lad iea' Brussell Slippers - - 25 cents.
20 Oases of Ladles' Fine Kid Walking Shoes T pped 75 cet ts
The above mentioned Goods are at Half Prices.
Read on, Dear Readers, Read on.
320 pairs Men's Fine Buff Conureft* Smn-s at sl.lO.
290 " " " A Call Lace Shoes Tipped 90
380 '* •' Working Shoes (former price 1.25) 85
310 " " French Call and Kinga" >!> Sbo»-8 $2.00.
290 " Boys' hue Lue Sh >es 3to 5 - $1 00.
600 *• - Workiuif " _ 85.
240 " Youths' Fine Button hhoes high cut 75
Men's and Ladies' Cloth Slippers at Your own Price.
410 phira Children's Spring h*el t-h'te* at 40.
390 " v fancy tip Btioes at 35.
520 " " plain rtboes - 25.
120 " Mttaes' fine Graiu Button Shoes 85.
These Goods are All Warranted
to be perfect in every respect aud they ore only sold at prices named oi
them to make room for new goods. If you want to get some footwear
obeap, take in this Sale.
New Sprind Goods Arriving
almoat evety day, and too much cannot be said ia praise of them; ask to see
our line of Walkiug Shoes and Slipper*, aud ulho our iiuu of children's fancy
Walking Shoes in Red and Black. A beautiful line of Ladies' White Kni
Slippers very cheap, don't buy any Shoes until you have looked over my
•tock and learned prices. Shoes were never cheaper than they are now.
Misses' Rubbers Free of Charge
for 10 daya I will give a piir of Missm' Itubrjen aay Size from 11 to 2 frte
of charge with every purchase of $1.25; and with every pair of Ladies'
Shoea from $2.50 up,., 1 will give a pair of
JBBI ~ fife* Ladles' Rubbers Frea of Charge. ffil 'M
RemeniKr - tEi3Ti3erTr>idTgoo<l tor 10 days only and if you want
robbers for nothing, you must get here on or before the expiration of this
■ Remember The Place,
BUTLER, - -- -- -- -- PENN'A
Contrade f»'. IP. //ami•«ond
of Boot Tost, G. A. H.. of Syracuse, N. Y.
Wounded at Gettysburg
**C. I. Hood & Co., Lowell, Mass.:
•• I was tu the Anny of the Totomac and
In the great battle of Gettysburg was struck
In the ankle by a mlnnle ball, which smashed
the bone. My leg was amputated In the field
hospital, and after a long time It healed. I
was discharge! and went home. Afterß years
My Wound Broke Open
afresh. Dr. Tease amputated aa inch of the
bono, and it healed. Four years later it
once more opened, and for cislit years
how I suffered! Ido not believe it possible
for a human being to sudor \\orsj agony.
Duiiug this time I had to go on crutches,
being uuable to wear a wooueu leg. W hrn
ever possible I relieved my sutU-nnes by
taking opiate, but when I was obliged to go
without ft. I suffered fearfully and thought I
.hould S o crnzT. I tried every thing I could
ret with my limited means. Phy-dcians said
would never bo any better. Finally my
Blood Became Poisoned
and it broke out all over my face and on some
parts of my body so that my face is all
covered with scars nov.-. Ono day I read ot
what Hood's Sarsapai iila would do. The
first doll u 1 rot 1 sent and bought a bottle
and began t.:Uing it. A wctk or two later,
my wife in dressing my leg, said it seemed to
be Improving, and after lakiu£
Hood's Sarsaparilla
afew months, thank God (and I say it rever
ently), the sores all over my body had healed,
and now, four years'lnter, have never shown
any sign of reappearing." GEOKOK M. HAM*
MOM), 219 Magnolia bueet, Syracuse, N. V.
Co!. C. A. Weaver
Commander of Itoot Tost, G. A. i:., himself a
one armed veteran, fully confirms Mr Ham
mond's statement, and J. L. lieldeu, Uie phar
macist, also endorses it.
Hood ■ rillj euro Sick Headache,
c. KD.
Ready for All.
Every bin / tha'. i* c«*w ir: S'.=P
Hats. Otii $1 ft!) >n ! £2.()0 He
wonders for the money.
!3 / . * it v i'i S p(t Hnif,
rttiK>'JU •" pric- fr m 25 ci - to
All tiie hi w lil—k- ta St k Huh.
Greatest line ot Furoiebi:ig (Jvooh
we ever bad
Au inspection -.vill b<*flti advantag.
to any one.
Colbert & Dale,
Hatters and Furnishers,
212 S. Main Mtr^et.
Butler. I'i
Qeot leixi e i\
TING A l>-
L i : A V 1-1
Grand Pianos for
* ow !« \"«ur : t«> «*l»?irt a Pl.v o;
do not want to tou> but «»n- Piano in your Ur»
tln«e. So while select ing one it 1* th»* be.^ T an
• hea|*»st to buy a iiOc*! »me.
of Boston h»s opened a Piano nd Org.-!
Parlor at No. L'lx, H-ast North St., »liere he li.
oo exibltton A new invoice ot 'janoH from flu
verj best of makers ot Boston. tln-v have a full
rich and mWlow tune the action I, iltrbt quid
and powerful; they will stay In tune long, i
iban any other I'iano on a''-count ot a new
■levlco of uinln,' plni. tur I will befglat to
show and explain, lims call unit examine he
fore buying elsewhere. Yon C.I [1 save mone\
tiy purchasing a Piano of me. and net ail
instrument ibat you c'n reN upon, und oni
that 1 will warrant or Karutilee 'o give entlri
satisfaction. 1 have m.tuc and tuned
Pianos and Organs
oroverny.u - . therefor know liow to selec
crfeet Piano.
218 E. !N~orth St..
BUTLER, lr»^.
haa removed his immense htor-k of Wall
Paper, Window Shades, Fiue Picture-" atid
Frames to that large commodious room in
the Aldinger buil'Jing, 311 S Main street.
The increased huh of my new room has
allowed a large increase in stock.
Xow Joces writ a story of a blamed superior
In fact, a stronger story would be pretty hard
to find;
Ho read it to his friends, which the same it
jreatly moved;
In private Jones hio3clf admitted It couldn't be
But with the periodicals his story seemed to
Kach time ft came a-riding hack on the next re
turning mail;
And the . ditor of "The Monthly Snore" turned
up liis nose in scorn.
An.; s -,:t .1 note advising Jones to stick to hoe-
Ins corn.
Then Jones, he cursed these worthy tnea in a
v. ay that was a sight.
He freely charged they'd not tbe brains to last
them over night;
And of ' The Snore's" conductor he took occa
sion to assert
That the critter didn't know enough to ache
when he was hurt.
Yet still the story wouldn't nell, though offered
far and wide.
But Jones was not the fellow long to stand upon
his pride;
••She's perfect, but I'll alter "er," tho rlsu-g
author said:
For a literary man. Jones has a decidedly leng
So Jor~s tossed aside his coat and tousled
up his hair,
Pull, d o7 his cuffs and got his pen and dropped
Into his iljair.
Yanked down his perfect story from Its place
upon the shelf
And r- -.-rote it in a dialect he couldn't read him
Then to the brilliant "Monthly Snore'' he sent
the same as new;
Within two hours these glorious words were
spread in Jones's view:
"Dear Mr. Jones, we greatly like "Or Rob's'n's
And beg that you herewith will Cud inclosed
our cashier's check."
Yes. Joaes he writ a story:—and he kept on
writing more
Till he's got the Job of editing the able "Monthly
But he keeps 'em all in dialect that never can be
For a literary man Jones has a decidedly long
—N. Y. Tribune.
And the Fortune It Blew to For
rest Marsh.
Dcnhard's Roman Circus, Greelf llip
podrome and Oriental Caravan started
out very much handicapped in tbe
spring. There was a legacy of debt
hanging over it from the previous dis
astrous season, and it had been prophe
sied that it would never move from its
winter quarters; but it did, contrary to
general prediction.
Denhard was a manager of rare abil
ity, but circumstances had conspired to
make his past season a losing one. Tbe
incoming of the gigantic railroad shows
had eaten up the territory aud drawn
the patronage of the crossroads by their
system of excursions to the centers.
He had hesitated to take to the rail
himself when he was able to do so, and
had listened to the advice of his prin
cipal adviser, an agent of advanced
years, who had spent a lifetime in the
routing of wagon shows. The veteran
of the road could not cave to the newer
method of transportation, and had a
hearty contempt for all shows moved
by rail.
So it was that Denhard adhered to old
methods until he had reduced his bank
account to an alarming condition, and
was barely able to pay off his company
and agents and winter his show. The
manager was now brought to a position
where he must leave the turnpike and
travel by train.
The sale of his surplus stock of horses
and extra wagons helped him out, and
a printer, whom be had patronized for
many years, gave him a limited margin
of credit. The reader is here put in
possession of all the facts of the un
favorable circumstances under which
Denhard's tout show started out in the
spring of is~t».
Fori est Marsh, the press agent, was
one of the advance men who remained
in Denhard's-employ, not so much from
choice as from necessity. No offers for
his services had reached him from other
managers, and, being broke, and, more
than that, in debt, he made tbe best
of things as they were, and remained
under the old banner.
Tho writer of puffs and hurler of ad
jectives had had experience enough to
feel shaky about the future of the
show, still he did not worry mncli about
his foreseen impending fate; he was too
much of a ltohcmian for that. If lie
had a place to sleep and a full stomach
he allowed the morrow to take care of
itself, and gave no heed to the future.
From the start things did not go well
with Denhard. The people of the town
felt little interest in the show from the
fact of its wintering there, and the less
because they knew to the smallest boy
iu town that the manager was in finan
cial straits. The fipring was a late one,
and the snow clung to the ground with
110 warming sun to melt it. and when
the thaw did come the breakup of win
ter was brought on by long and heavy
The receipts at the opening were next
to nothing, and Denhard looked glum.
It would be tedious to detail the move
ments of the show for the first month,
but it moved, but salaries and remit
tances to the printer were omitted.
The manager did manage to keep his
advance corps moving and hold his com
pany together.
When the weather improved other
causes served to interfere with prosper
ity. The people had seen the great big
shows and no longer cared to patronize
the more modest outfit; then the route
agent had oversized the caliber of his
show and placed it in several of the
larger western cities which should have
been avoided.
Denhard saw these errors of judg
ment when the bills came in and the
local expenses wiped out the receipts.
If a show has anything unusual happen
to it in the way of misfortune it is a
show in distress.
The mishaps were so numerous that
it was a frequent remark that there
must be a Jonah in the organization,
but who the ill-starred individual was
was never satisfactorily arrived at
In justice to the advance of the show
it must be said that they worked as
bard as men ever worked to create suc
cess. At times they grew faint-heartet!
and seemed to realize that the show wai
doomed, but professional pride would
come to the rescue and the elder of tht
agents would recall seasons of the paj*
in which they had under like circuit
stances pulled through and won the
banner of victory in the very teeth oi
Bad news travels fast, and even as
then", n were billing towns they heard
that th" sUuvv uas not doing well, and
it m■ 1 us though it must suffer col
lapse. ;.t i i <!i' t :it day. Still it moved
because U.iiiiard was a master at his
trade, and all he had in the world was
invested in his show.
For nearly three months the manager
stood the strain with a bold front, but
the anxiety was telling on bitn, and
when he received a visit from the prin
ter, who was importunate for funds, he
felt that the end had come. And it was
The arrival of the printer caused dis
may in the dressing-room, and the mu
sicians discussed the situation in more
languages than ever heard before since
Donhard talked long and eloquently
to the printer, but he was importunate,
and said:
"Dcnhard, you have my sympathy,
but self-preservation forces me to pro
tect myself. I cannot ruin myself to
save you."
Then came to an end Denhard's
Kaiuiiir Plrcu-i. TQygplf . Himwfdrome gqd
Oriental Caravan, and all of the agents
tn advance were notified of the disaster
bv w ire.
Philosophic and Hohemiau Forrest
Marsh was shaken when he received
the news, a* he was penniless and awk
wardly placed. Ten days before he had
arrived at the little Mississippi river
town, when at the hour of his expected
departure he had received a telegram
from the general agent in advance in
structing him to "wait orders." And
he had waited without hearing further
froin his superior.
It was a dull place to be hanging
about in for ten days. The majority of
the inhabitants were Germans, and the
hotel at which he was stopping was
combined with a brewery, the proprie
tor of which was a gruff oUI fellow with
the voice of a basso profundo, and very
much of a tyrant in his way.
The only person about the premises
who seemed to have control or influence
over the brewer and landlord was his
pretty blonde daughter, Lena, and when
he got into one of his guttural tantrums
she wonld wind her plump arms about
biin and lead him captive.
On occasions the ruler of the tavern
and brewery had an interval of good
humor, and at such times he would in
vite his order-stayed guest to join him
in a beer, and frequently Lena, too,
would take a kliner.
Forrest Marsh was quite skilled ai
the piano, and when the old man was
in good humor he would thump out a
German waltz as Lena tripped about tho
The writer of circus literature*vhiled
away the time as best he could trying
to preserve his patience and wondering
what was up. Perhaps they were go
ing to "take up the stands" ahead; but
what was the use of conjecturing? He
was obeying orders and had nothing to
do but make the best of the situation.
Forrest Marsh had another annoyance
besides the delay. On his arrival bis
finances were in a low state, and when
the telegram from his manager arrived
informing him of the end he was bank
No matter how many times he read
over the telegram, the fact remained,
he was stranded, but he would return
to the show.
lie examined his railroad 4)ass and
made a discovery which quite took his
breath away. It did not call for a re
turn trip. It should have done so, for
It is often necessary that tho principal
agents of a circus have the privilege of
passing up and down the line.
Marsh's long stay at the hotel had
been a surprise to its proprietor, but
tho show was billed, and other agents
and the bill posters and programmers
had come and gone, else the landlord
would have long before called on the
sojourner for an explanation or a set
When the press agent did make an
explanation, as he was forced to, the
German fairly exploded and filled the
air with a mixture of oaths rarely
heard, even in the tavern or the
brewery in his wildest moods, winding
up by denouncing his guest as a
Aud when he yelled "swindler!" yon
could have heard it half over the town.
Denhard's misfortune had bequeathed
as a memory a good big bill for the en
tertainment of his advance, and the
fury of the loser was visited upon the
head of the unfortunate Forrest Marsh.
In his rage the old man might have
done the young man violence but for
the opportune arrival of Lena, who ex
ercised her wits, and, when he had
cooled down a bit, said;
"Papa, you are unreasonable. Poor
fellow, you can't blame him; it is not
his fault."
"Veil, if it isn't hish fault," returned
the father, "he had not petter not go
avay from here."
As Lena led him away ho turned and
"You stay right here! Don't you dare
to go avay!"
Marsh had expected to be turned out
of doors, and the command furnished
some satisfaction, even though it was
uttered in anger.
The next day the circus man in dis
tress was put in a small room under
the roof and became a handy tnau
about the premises instead of a guest.
There was plenty to do about tho hotel
and the brewery, and the way that the
proprietor kept him hazing was weary
Hut the prisoner had a place to sleep
and enough to eat, and there was some
consolation in that. When the victim
was not too tired he would laugh to
himself at his dilemma. Ity the end of
a week the old man had experienced a
change iu his temper aud even deigned
to address the captive graciously.
As the boss' pood humor grew, For
rest March gained in the stern, old
Dutchman's good graces, and, being
ready and willing and apt besides,^ hfl
proved so useful to the jailer—not em
ployer—that one day he heard the
father remark to the daughter:
"Dot fellow is a pretty smart fellow,
Lena, tear; so he ish, py jlminy."
As the retained and detained guest
won favor in the eyes of the father, he,
too, grew iu the esteem of the fair
liaired daughter.
It was not long before it was Forrest
here and Forrest there all over the
place. Forrest could do everything;
everybody wanted him, and never was
there a more willing helper than the
One night his pipe and !>cer the
stern old fellow unbent as Lena and the
young man sang to the latter's accom
paniment, and when the little festivi
ties came to an end, the ruler of the es
tablishment broke out:
"Mister Marsh—"
lie had never addressed the young
man so formally before, and Forrest
pricked up his ears to listen to what fol
"When you vas fl"st come here and
no pay your hotel bill, I vas purrty
mad of you: put ven I got me over dot
mad I say myself to myself dot vas not
your fault but dot fault of dot circus vot
got bust up."
"Oh, that's all right," returned Marsh,
"Nein, nem," protested the old man,
"It vos all wrong, put I makes dot right
mit you; to-morrow we have some talk.
(Jood night."
With that the old man tramped off
to bed, leaving the young folks to chat
until the mother's call of "Lena" warned
them that the time was getting into the
small hours.
On the morrow a very satisfactory
arrangement was made with Forrest
Marsh and he was at once placed in tho
position of a paid employe, and it was
but a short time before the young man
was "next to the throne" and tho
moving and active spirit about the
double establishment.
The old man as time passed lived
more at his ease and gave less personal
attention to his business, and at the end
of a year all callers on business were
referred to "Mister Marsh," with the
added remark: "He's ter poss."
The hotel prospered and the product
of the brewery sold to the limit of its
capacity. Forrest Marsh hustled aud
the old man smoked his pipe and quaffed
his beer with his cronies.
How were Lena and Forrest getting
along? Why, Lena was teaching For
rest German; and what a willing pupil
he was. And what young man would
not have wrestled with a foreign tongue
to have had such a teacher? But the
task was not such uo easy one, and
when he failed to catch the pronuncia
tion of a jaw breaker the pretty teacher
scolded and stamped her littio foot in
well pretended auger.
Tbe pupil persisted and aired his new
acuumnlialimvnt In the hrewWy until
by practice he could, to the delight of
his employer, converse readily in the
language of the fatherland.
Lena was a great match, but none of
the beaux or the swells of the little city
by the river gained favor in her eyes,
which were all for Forrest Marsh.
Lena's parents had not been blind to
the growing affection of the young
folks, neither did they object to it; they
just remained passive and let events
take their natural course, and events
went tending rapidly toward matri
So it was no surprise when the young
man asked for the hand of Lena. The
answer almost caused the lover to faint.
"How could my torter marry a fellow
vot has got nodding?"
The next moment the old man broke
forth in a roar of laughter at Marsh's
glum visage, and then he said, reassur
"My tear poy, I fix dot. 1 vos too old
and too lazy to run ter pizness. You
vos ter poss. I can't get along uiitout
you any longer. I trust .you mit my
pizness and my money. You vos a nice
fellow. You vos smart. You vos hon
est. Vot -more vould I want? Put :ny
Lena must never marry a pcor man. I
fix dot. I give you Lena—all of Lena,
and half the brewery, and half the hotel,
and the biggest vedding vot was ever of
1 this town since it vos porn."
And the wedding was an event and
will ever be remembered in thai 10.-.al
: ity and vicinity. Forrest Marsh by bis
affability had made himself exceedingly
I popular, and everybody declared he was
' a "lucky fellow," but tbe girls, in their
; view of the alliance, said "lucky Lena "
Iu after years, in his happiness and
prosperity, Forrest Marsh looked back
upon the circumstances which brought
him to the spot. An event which im
poverished Denhard and blasted his life
had enriched him and crowned him
with happiness, and at such times as he
mused he was wont to repeat to himself
the familiar adage: "It is an ill wind
which brings no one good." —Charles H.
Day, in N. Y. Journalist.
A Rare Pain tine-
In his diary under date of October 8,
1789, Gen. George Washington made
this entry: "Sat for Ramage near two
hours to-day, who was drawing 1 a min
iature picture of me for Mrs. Washing
ton." What is believed to be this iden
tical portrait of Washington, painted
on ivory, is now in the possession of
Ilarry S. Stabler, of Lynchburg, Va. It
was painted by Ramage, an Irish min
iatnre painter, of New York at that
time, for Mrs. Washington, from whom
Betty Washington, afterward Mrs. Betty
Lewis, had it She in turn left it to her
granddaughter, Otwayana Carter, who
married Dr. W. O. Owen, of Lynchburg.
He left this portrait, together with
other relics of Washington, similarly
inherited, to Jenny Woodville Latham,
of Lynchburg, who married Thomas S.
Stabler, the father of Harry S. Stabler,
the present owner of the relics. This
miniature is in a time-worn case oval
in form. In the back of it is a lock of
Washington's hair. The portrait has
never been exhibited outside of Lynch
burg. It is a beautiful piece of work
and even under a magnifying glass
bears the closest inspection. The locket
holding the miniature and the lock of
hair is something more than two inches
In length.—Collector.
Sensibly Settled.
"What was that trouble down street
last night?"'
"A row."
"What about?"
"There was a singing quartette down
there and they couldn't agree what to
"One wanted 'Comrades,' another
insisted on 'Little Annie Rooney,' the
third wanted 'McGinty,' and the fourth
would be satisfied with nothing but
'ln the Gloaming.'"
"So they got into a fight?"
"Which won?"
"Neither. The people around were
afraid that the trouble would be patched
up and one of the songs be sung, so they
turned in and slugged the entire 'quar
tette.' " —Philad*lphia Press.
An Opening at I.ast.
Employer—Mr. Tops, I have long ob
served, with approval, your assiduity
and devotion to business, and I am now
about to test your abilities iu a new ca
pacity, in which, I feel sure, you will
acquit yourself with credit to the house,
Mr. Tops (highly delighted)—l—l—l
shall do my best, sir!
Employer—As I was about to say,
Mr. Tops, the porter is sick this morn
ing', and 1 shall have to ask you to
sweep out the office. —Puck.
A Great Record.
"Mr. Grip," said the head of the firm,
"we have been looking up your record for
the past year, and we tind that you
have scarcely paid expenses. This will
never do."
"You seem to forget, sir," said the
other, as he drew himself up to his full
height, "that during the past year I
have had more orders cancelled than
any other traveling man you have."—
Cloak Review.
The Mother's Fault.
Small Boy (complainingly) Why
isn't thiu* any griddle-cakes this morn
Mother (reprovingly)— Because you
neglected to go to the store yesterday
and get me some eggs, as I told you.
Small Boy (with an injured air) —You
didn't tell me they was for griddle
cakes. —Good News.
A Freak.
Circus Agent—Are there any freaks of
nature iu this vicinity that you know of?
Native Wal, there's a chap that
started a third newspaper in Excusclcss
City, a town of eight hundred inhabit
ants, and—
Agent—Huh! We don't want any liv
ing skeletons. —Jury.
A Felicitous Piece of •• Business."
Playwright—From the nature of my
play you see it ought to close with some
line or significant act from the hero in
perfect accord with the feelings of an
Critic—Why not let him heave a sigh
of relief, then?— Judge.
Curiosity (i ratified.
"Have you got any stale bread?"
asked Johnny Fizzletop. sticking his
head into a baker's shop.
"Yes. I have five of six loaves."
"Serves you right. Why didn't you
sell them while they were fresh?"— Te
xas Siftings.
An Important Whistle.
Mother (severely) —Why didn't you
come when I called you?
Small Boy—Why, just as you was
calling me Tommy Traddles, down
street, whistled for me. I couldn't go
to both, could I? Good News.
Warned !
Cliolly (to his aunt from the country)
—lf you will, aunt, I will take you to
Wall street to-day
Aunt Way back—Yes; but take that
thar red necktie off en yoa or you'll havo
all them thar bulls after you I've read
Don't Ask Impossibilities.
Fussy—Sir, the howling of your dog
annoys me dreadfully
McGuff—lt do. do it? Maybe yez
want me to get a trained baste thot can
play on th' flute!— Truth.
Not That Kind of a Tree.
You say that I'm your sheltering o»U
TUut will not yield whea tempest* craaS
Bui 1 am so cousumed by love.
I fjujuitt In truth ws called »n ash
GOl\<; Tl> EX THE MCA.
.jf /' '^^;l
f /mW ■ / y Aff
"A little too larjje. I think. Let iu«
try a si/.w smaller."
• t • m - i\
r : W x /' !
"This suitn me pretty well; but haven't
you something a little larger?"— Chic
*- po Mail.
"llr'er Johnsing, does you be'ebe In
"Does I b'lieve in miracles? Suttenly
I does. Didn't I jest have one of 'em
down at my house?"'
"You? A miracle down at your
"Yes. sah; dat's what I saiiL Dey was
jest fouh chickens in my coop when I
went to bed last night, an' when I
woked up ilis m'irnin'—"
"Dey was eight?"
"Eight? No. yo' fool man' Dey wasn't
none. Done stole."
"Humph! Wha's de miracle?"
"De coop was lef." Arkansaw
Thomas Cat.
Modern Cannibalism.
Mrs. Beacon Hill—l am sorry, dear
Mrs. Wagstaff. that 1 shall never see
your L'nele Roseoe again. He is a great
Mrs. Wag-staff (in evident surprise)—
Why, what do you mean? L'nele was
here yesterday.
Mrs. Beacon Hill (sighing)— Yes, yes;
that is what I refer to. Caroline said
that you had your L'nele Roseoe for din
ner yesterday.—Harper's Dazar
Tlifatrlrnl Not*.
Mr. Bryant Park —How do you like
our friend Smith's new comedy?
Mr. City Hall—l uon't like it; but he
has improved very much. There is no
doubt of that.
"Do you think so?"
"1 am sure of it. I used to go to sleep
in the first aet of his other comedy, but
I didn't doze off until the second act ot
this last oue."—Texas Sifting*.
Floule'a l'»urr.
Flossie's grandfather has of late been
gTowing stout, and at the same time
his hair has been growing thinner.
The other day the youngster was run
ning her hands over his face and head
and the changes startled her.
"My, oh!" she exclaimed, "the cracks
is all goin' out of grandpa's face and his
hair's wearin' out on top."—Detroit
Free Press.
Not a Bad Flan.
"My dear old friend, how were you
able to acqnire such an immense for
"By a very simple method."
"What is that?"
"When I was poor I made out I was
rich, and when I was rich I m.-»de out
that I was poor."—Texas Siftings.
Tea for Children*
Aanty (to little visitor) Do yon
drink tea, pet?
Wee Niece—No'm. Mamma won't let
Aunty—What do you drink?
Wee Niece —Oh! mamma mixes me up
a mess that looks like tea. —Good New*.
>ow and Then.
Tramp (reading from a scrap of news
paper around his lunch) —This paper
here, pardner, says the time's comin'
when men won't be obliged to work.
Pardner—Comin', is it? What's the
matter with us right now? —Detroit Frw
Poetry and Frome.
Practical Father—So you want to mar
ry my daughter, eh?
Poetical Lover—Yes, sir. I would lie
down and die for her!
Practical Father—ll'm! Would you geU
up and work for her? —Harper's Bazar.
Applicant—l see you want a man to
run the elevator.
Owner of Building—Yes; but I want I
one who won't occupy all the room :
himself. —Truth.
Uut lie Wat Not a Thief.
Jeeson—Did you ever see a man rob ■
Gasou—No. Did you?
Jeeson—\es. I just saw a butcher ;
Bteel bis knife before cutting a steak.
And Jeeson smiled wickedly as be |
vanished round the corner.—Comic.
Caraway—Sad, isn't it, tocontemplate |
tbe number of great men the grip has
carried off?
Hooks—You're right. Next winter 1 j
shall go away, I think, to some warm !
and sunny clime. —Jury.
still Voting.
Teacher —I am surprised that you are I
not further advanced. You are ex- J
tremely backward for your age.
Little Girl—Yes'm. Mamma wants to
inarry again.—Good News.
Disorderly Cltlren*.
Traveler —Why are those people being
seut to Siberia?
Russian Official —They refusivit* to
do their starvingivitz in quietivit7,. —N.
Y. Weekly.
Not the Coffee.
Customer —This coffee tastes like an
old tobaaco pipe.
Waiter—l'll bring you a bu&in of wa
ter so you can wash y'r mustache. —Good
After the Wedding.
"Well, I hope they'll go forever side
by side."
"No, they uou't. It'll be tandem and
■he'll lead."—Judge.
A ri»(» far Errryiklat aad Kvvrylhlas ta
tta PlM*.
There arc many farmer* who, if they
•tore learned the advantages to lie de
rived from a shop in which there ia a
place for everything aud everything in
it* place. <voald not do without it f «r
many time* it* first coat, especially that
pari which I call a "variety eat* ' I
became tired of the old way of harm?
bolt.*, aerew*. nail.*. rivcta, <• ire.
buckles, etc., in boxes *landin„ h-'re
and there, oftentimes all siae* i:i the
6am<- Ik>x. just becauae there was no
other place for them Th* bother and
lo«.s of tim«* were (Treat, a* I hail to
Y a"i
iU ■
open sometimes nearly a do«eu boxes to
fln-1 the thing I wanted. Thna necevsi
ty Itecame the mother of invention, and
the result waa a "case" in which them
ii» a place for everything, as shown in
the cut.
The drawers are made of smaU. iijjht
boxes < which can be liad at the grocery
atorvs i sawed to the right sUe, and then
nailing a side, bottom or end to them,
as required. The lower ones are shal
low, for nails, etc., two or three inches
deep; those intended tor more bulky
i"fjf fJjEIO
I =r r *l w;MU[yil**jj^S l
L ' MF 4i 1
articles, as bolts, etc., deeper. For
knobs, take common towing thrcid
tpools and saw them in two. The half
of one spool, with a wood screw thr-
the hole of it and into the drawer, makes
the kaob. For convenience drawer*
for screws, rivota, small nails, tacks,
etc., are partitioned into two, three or
four partv and can also be taken cu?
■ nil carried to where wanted. A sam
ple of the article or articles (stae and
kind) In each drawer is fastened on the
outside of it by a doubted-pointed car
pet tack, and when anything is want I.
from a qnarter-inch tack to a half-ineh
bolt. It is a pleasure and aatLsfactina
to t>c able to put yonr hand on it in a
moment.—K. J. Arnold, in Ohio F »rmer.
Ilow to Have Ihe Heautt/al and ibe t «•-
fill On Together.
He low- will be fonnd the sub*.tanee of
a paper written by t'asains M Clay, of
Kentucky, for the meeting of the \mi r
ican Southdown association, lately held
in Chicago.
They require high, well-drained »i«1»
and always green f<»»l In odd
weather, when snow and stor . prevad,
one-half pint of corn a day »* prop>-r.
Froien vegetation ia very unwholes*.ire
to sheep.
Cattle and sheep do best together.
The cattle preceding the sheep bit*
the grass short enough for the sheep,
which cat none bnt flne suectilent Rras*.
Prime, first-rate sheep cannot b*
made without Variety of herl»». The
sninll and numerous -reeds left by cat
tle are eagerly sought for bv sheep
A two or three-year old ram Is the
best, and no ewe shotild b»- bred tin' i'-r
yearlings past.
Wool growing on valuable land is a
p<H>r business. After increasing my
wixil from two and a half to si* ami a
half pounds. I found that as a factor of
price it waa a mistake to regard weight
of fleece in selecting mv rams. W hat
we want on Southdowns is mutton.
Whut wc want is short, tine, clpae wool
to protect the sheep against rains and
cold—nothing more. The liner t!>«
wool the tlner the mutton
When not interrupted by flies, sheep
feed in lines like an army ready for
action. The leaders move off. and the
rcmaiuder fall into line right and left.
When the leader changes front or c'.i
rtction the w ings follow up over eaten
surfaces or hasten to form the new
line —losing grass and time. So the
smaller the flock the better are the
sheep for these reasons. In very large
flocks the extremes of the wings are in
evitably mean sheep. This is too plain
for argument. I raise these flne sheep
only for breeders; and getters of mut
ton sheep by crossing on scrubs or mon
grels are left to men of less experience
or taste for the beautiful. But here
the beautiful and the useful march to
A MAS can raise horse flesh at great
er protit than beef, pound for pound. It
costs more on the average, hut Irriug-.
much more. This applies to jrood
horses. The more poor horses a man
raises the worse off he will become.
Poor, scrub cattle deplete the breeders'
pnr.se, but horses of the same quality
will do so still more rapidly.
V»tur« au<l Art.
Tommy, who had been having some
severe lessons on using his knife, km
sent out on an errand to the family
washer-woman. When he returned H#
"I had some dinner with her little
boy, mamma, and he doesn't eat with
his knife cither."
"I suppose his mother has taught hint
it wasn't polite to eaV with his knife."
said Tommy's mamma.
"Xo'm." answered Tommy, regretful
ly, "he eats with his fingers."—Detroit
Free Press.
Failed to irronplhh Its raryoM-.
Hunker—l have a literary friend wh»
is bo a'wjent-minded that when he went
to Chicago recently he telegraphed him
self ahead to wait for himself at a cer
tain street.
Hill—Did the telegram have U»e de
sired result?
Hunker—No. Ue got it all riffht. but
he had forgotten to sign his name, and
not knowing who It waa from, he paid
no attention to it—Rnrper's Bazar
With u Ejr# to the filu*.
Anxious Parent —Marry old Ua <t
edd? You must b* crazy. Millieent: Me
is mean, stingy, crafty and a tyran-
You couldn't live with him si* mout is
There would be a disagreement, a quar
rel, a suit for divorce, and the pap- r»
would be full of It from one end of the
country U> the other.
Miss Muliceat—Yt-», mamma—a:.a
tfen-1 wvuM (pf tgi tlwf
k W-A1 • lipwl— <> Vttk Ift
«« ft flrna lum
tn n 1 » iv/ht ib v pmnthni of
t-. .. .• . r n the fall of the year. I
' 1 '» »'» * ">rdly run-dowa condition.
Not «mi i.« rv of —i ii ill m *ti oa tha
place. an>l the 'cnsnt deelarrd that It
. » t'-o pr to raise clover I cam
m —• * thr - itthig in the Wat portion
of th • fa- nt > fail wheat, and Ik* poor
er part* t ■ fail rye. !>arta( tit* winter
lent e i ,::m aauled it dawn to Um
city a««l v. u i I eunld not gvt a load of
m ir.tir.- u to me. I could laaii i bay
a t«v >--..>r-e '..atl for twenty-#* l * rent*.
This I n* -.i »« a topdmnar on tk* %H
ero;«*. »m thsnle. of ahfw. In spring
I vywv.l clover ami timothy se*d m the
wheat i3>. -» muck rye aa I had top.
drrwvi TV - I followed with a lortf
fiv<- tor thft' teel harrow, which —I leU
tii - tlmhie purpn** at eowrttf 11m
» I'd and tlui-ig the .nanore. The M
ance of the rye I left to grow aa heat it
a»i*ht tili a!*>ut th* !«t of J ana. Then
I prr«-ee«l-d t > pt < it dowa with a
wwihook. r»; i•• i to the
furrow hop*. w ! tr» e uri ixsck to
the plow I : . rot; .o<t «aed the
soil to hasten T a- # ' >th>n tha
rye. aadafte. pr.> n !>. ir.-riata«r ami
•»~*in roiiinji. I :•••• . •» partly «» po
tat.H-s and com . t*alaare to
flat Turnips la ■ t t h -re wan a
good srrowth of Ht; •». I jmIM Ihe
iarijvr jne« tohr l tV - • <Hk. a* at tKi.
»w«>a of the year I!* are wf
fennir from dry, h««i wmMr Then I
plowed tlown tin* ort*» »f reyeution
and r>>ile.t «. :r r *.-« i till time
to f.av» to whea*. t »-ti year there
was no trouble « -a. > ;he line .>f
grr-n aaoniirin ;
A« *»m i' iiat- to *t «p coiti
vitiasf th • i- >rn . -• • > I . > v-*d ere in tha
corn, enltirai, t- Mwen the row*
with a ihallo-s i *>l fhia faw pastor
as» f a- all kin Is <f <oc ; till the mne
covered kie rt • «»• "l . - i!. 3i «f paa
turtaJ iew: t ».i *f tabor aad
setal rye Nr .* v ear i a.: rye was turned
down. aredin ,- !■ l..vr and ttaaothy
After dijrsfinjr t'.e t .. .!««-*» I H*rn>.r«d
the srroaad do . 3 leer! ami *wwe«i to ryw
to plmr ilown for corn or naiitet R»r Ib4>
d«*r. taking »if ta time U• prvparc far
wheat to be t!'n» (Wnohtt
*pr t » rtnt»». -> I p tat
p-ita- .»:> e . cry third fkrx v «
plowing tlown toe *ye. and 11
he a Jr aeaadM the potato traf wtU
prow richt aa the rye wiinwtara»
t tin thf - i -. ttire. I have had potatnaa
tha* piant' d t -tat were greea aa>l Soar
iohimr week* after all ovdlMary trn
tier wntitti waa Hiactreaed hy tha
: roat. I•> dieting p'Hatoea ao planted
it k bett-r t«» plow theflt oat It (•
en«>n--h t-> make a man entfcaaiaecie t»
are the t-'ean -rop of tahara lyta* tea
rich bed of Wompoeed *ejefr>oa.
TUia p' -.n of -aHchlag th* term say
be carried into the rarden patch. t»to
inj <if wjnaUi and other wfitabiMk
and w*hf to ry* to plaw dowa far tha
aame kind of cropa th* fatlailiig a*a
w«o. X ' i.iatter if it do*a aot anas* ay
that fail, it will com att r%ht hi Ma
ftprirqr. a<>d only b* a faw day* be hied
th#» earlier sowi crop.—Joaejb Kmith.
in American \ .Tw-nltariat.
r »■ tad Vary FhM.
In manit>nlatiaf frimaa it to qaite aa
to hare them >wat oaaa maall
a Krirface a* pomthk. They often ba
c ip<- prop.4ized aad Much faat to tha
rabbet on which they raat This la
e*pe -tally the ' a«e la enol weather, aad
Wmeninf? th>-n» }ara tha f«aaM>* aad
greatly dStnrba the b**a To *e*r
c mc thi* trouble I bare aaad far m*~
era! year* a tin rshhvt. aa ahuwa la tha
cut. s»nd find it qnite aa adeaatage.
t'ijr I represeata frame aad hie* A
ia the top-bar of frame; B to th* atd* mt
hire in«l F in th* tia rabbet. Fig: t
repri rata more clearly th* tia rshhet.
f h the part the frame* reat oa. aad (
ami D are the part* to he attat hml to
the hler C ohnald he ahaat thre^
B fL,
I .. . ;
wkrhtM »f in >Kk high <■> aa Mt to
pin. n 4K» «f the been wtoa Dm Nm
i- hunt- on tSe '»hbrt CmH D ess to
, mi <ftmeaaioaa aa will bra* writ (to
rai»ht*» in the hnre. wkltk ito«M to aa
<! . j» •• tlie i ?-bar to thick where M
r * •« the tin rabbet, pi as tto toftk
, of the tin rabbet. Thin will aakc tto
W«p l<ar of frame leeat «ttb tto Un.
j Ibe tin rabbet to ffrr etoap ito eery
raailjr ntnde. »r.'l will to ftonad quit*
| contrnirDL a»• I tto kit* to Juat aa *a»t-
I ly mail - f r tb«- tia rabbet as ooC —K.
S -a<l. in fHiio ftrgxr.
What a Item (a* D»
A borv- will travel ¥» /ante ta fcw
and a h i! f mmntea at a walk. M jririto
in two itimutn at a tn-t, CM fart« in
nr. minute at a gi.kjp Tto oanal
work of a b"i* n taken aft «*.M puoato
rai'rt) line foot per mtnate for ewht
b Hsn per ilaT A horw will carry W
|»>uml« tiT.-ntj-flre mile* per day o#
eixlit hnun. An arerafe draft boraa
will .lra« t.«M pounil* twwty tbrw
mile-. p-*r ilar on a Iml road, wtofbt of
a wsi'jtm iiK'iaded Tto ereraao
weijfb? of a bor»e ia I.OW potsda, hia
str»-n_ru. i» < «v valeat to that of tteo
men. In a bortc mill aofia( at three
fe<-t per nceornU track twenty-#** feet
.1: nil f.T. he exerta with tto aaachiaa
tin- power of fur ami a half tow*
The trreateat iiiMMl a bona «aa pail
in a horizontal tine to MO powada. bat
he ran only d.> this momentarily, la
i-ontitincil i icrtioii probably half of
tfcto to the limit Ur attaiaa kwfrowth
in fire jojr\ will 1m twenty-flee,
aiera.'i' sixteen yean. A botrae will
lire tivro v-Str 'lays on water without
ao'iil fo.nl, bnt onlj #»e day* <»
focd «ithout ilrmkintf —Unioaac Wortt
la Srkul
Teacher— What ta qutcha—T
Sehoiar Qii. iDcaa to whaa a pmaa
dr : .»••• Judjre.
.« I*«t rp M.
Mother—<Jet off that tab(* at aawt
Boya- Not whale two rata arc ta tto
room -Truth. •
All lUfM Saw.
Mother rrprminfljt—Your teaetor
say* yon hare #i*teen demerit marks.
Little Boy—l irieaa teaeber baas t
looked in her l-»k lately. I rabtod
'rm out- ~-4jkw*l New*
"What do j"on rail joar aakad
his unrie
"Uun't call him arrytkiac-" mid Tom
my "He nam when yoa whtoftla."—
Harper'a V.mn* IVupto.
A raretlkle Itiakbr
Skater-Uej. there help'
Tramp (complacently*—Let at MO;
ain't jrun the maa who told •• thia
Burning everyone unfht to theta
•elres? —T ruth.
" Wlaar. ' ~
He (rejected!- Better racuaafdar tto
matter— yon are not to yooaff aa yxm
were ooea.
She- That to tto raaaoa of »y m
hbtl Jury
a tamr.
Bruoaoa- fHd yna are tor JcwaM
flash * _