VOL. XXVIII
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
JOSEPH W. MILLER, M. D.
Physician 1 Surgeon,
OlT.ce and resMfno - Main St. Batter.
I n.
Dr. N. M . OVER,
W7 E. Wajße.si ~ ofllie bouts, to to 12 M. onct
1 lo 3 P. M.
L. M. REINSEL, M. D,
lImiCUK AND SI'BUKO.N.
1 mice an-l residence at 127 K. ("tinnlnshiim St,
L. BLACK,
IHVSHIAS ANI) BCItIiKON,
New Trculman linllding, Butler, I'a.
E. N. LEAKK. M. !>. J. K. MANN, M. t>.
Specialties: Specialties:
liyna-cototj unii sur- Kye, Kar. Nose ami
uery. Throat.
DRS. LEAKE & MANN,
Bulier, Pa.
G ZIMMERMAN.
r.iv-tcivs a hckucok.
ÜBice .1 .•>■'. 4">. s. Mitu s=rm. over fraiik &
( Ut'ii." Stur-. I'atler fa.
SAMUEL M. BIPPUS.
PQysician and Surgeon.
iso. 22 E&-' .U tiersoo St , Ft tier, Pa.
W. R. TITZEL.
PHYSIC IAN ANU BURGEON.
». W.Corner Jli'lc aud Xc.rtb sts.. Cutler, Pa.
V. McALPiNE,
Dentist,
Is now peimaEently located at ISO South Jtalii
Strut- Bulier, I'a., lu roon;s fonuerly ;ccouplotl
by Dr. WaUlrou.
J. J. DONALDSON, Dentist.
Butler, Penn'a.
TfctL Inserted cn the latest lrn
uhjm.l I'IUD. liolU HUluk a specUilly. OfflCc
c\er S< caul's < lotbiCK Store.
DR. S. A. JOHNSTON.
DENTIST, - - BUTLER, PA.
All work pertjunlnit t" the profession, eiecut
ed 111 the neatest maimer.
Specialties (Jold Killings, and
trivctiou of Teeth, \ italized Air artnnnlsteied.
OWc* on Jcir*r*oß Street,one door Eml oftowrj
SUir*.
on.ice open daily, except Wednesdays an :
Thursdays. Coniniunlcation* liy mail receive
prompt attention,
S. IJ.-Tlie on!) Dentist in iJuller using the
ln«t nmkch of teeUi.
c. F. L. McQUISTION,
KNCIXKEK AND SLRVEYOK,
Otnci nkah Diamond. Bctlfk, Fa.
H. Q. WALKER;
Att«r 1 ey -L' -La*- Cffie 111 Dlcnioud Blixk
Duller. I'a.
J. M. PAINTER,
Aitot ney-at-Law.
omct—l-eiwtea tVst'itlice unci IHiimorid, Hut
ler, I'a.
A. T. SCOTT,
attop.n ky-at-LAW.
Office :'.t So. *, Scutli l'iswond, Butler. Pa.
A. M. CHRISTLEY,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
Officfi seconrt floor, Anderson B1 k,
near < '< Kit llctisi?, Butler, Fa.
J. W HUTCHISON,
ATTORN F.Y AT LAW.
Office oil HCCOJUI door of the Husclton block,
Diamond, Puller, Pa.. ltoi>m No. 1.
JAMES N. MOORE,
AITOHNIY-AT-LAW AND NOTART PUBLIC.
Office, in Room No. 1. second floor of Iluselton
Block, entrance on Diamond.
IRA McJUNKIN.
Attorney at Law, Office at No. U, East .leCer
son St., Butler, Pa.;
W. C. FINDLEY,
Artomey at l.riv i:iui Real Estate Ajjcnt. Of
Oce rear of L. Z. JlltclieU's office on north sl.le
or Diamond, Butler, Pa.
H. H. GOUCHER.
Attorney-at-law. Office on second lloor of
Anderson building, near Court House, Butler.
Pa.
J. b. BRITTAIN.
Att'y at. Law—Office at S. K. Cor. Main St, and
Diamond, Butler, l'a.
NEWTON BLACK.
Att'y at Law- South side of Diamond
Butier. Pa.
L. iS. MeJUiNKIN,
insurance and Real Estate Ag't
i; EAST JEFFERSON-BT.
BUTI.ER, - PA.
H r )iiK eoi ivn
Muojal re Insurance Ot:.
Office Cor, Main & Cunningham Ots,
•3. 0. ROESSING, PRKSIDSNT.
11. C. UXINKM AN, BKOKKTABT,
DIRECTORS;
(J. C. !:.»•• mi!, Hemlcr-ion Oliver,
J. L Purvis .lames Stcphensor,
A. Tru: riuaii, H. P. Ilelnenimi,
Alfred \V|. K, N. Wt'itzel.
Dr. W. irviii, !>r Ktckenbacli,
J. W. li'i.'kliart, ,D. T. Morris.
S. M : JUHKIN, Agent.
triJ'P I.'X_i , PA.
0
A. E. GABLE,
"Veterinary Surgeon.
Graduate of the Ontario Veterinary
College. Toronto, Canada.
I'r. Gable treats all diseases of the
domesticated animals, and fiT*ke9
ridif!in>r, castration and horse den
tistry H specialty. Castration per
formed without clams, and nil* otber
surgical operations perforated in the
most scientific manner.
Calls to any part of the country
promptly responded to.
Office and Infirmary ia Crawford's
Livery, 132 West Jefferson Street,
Butler, l'a.
THE BUTLER CITIZEN.
LOOK AT YOUR SHOES!
DON'T YOU XEED A NEW PAIR?
JOHN BICKEL,
HAS JUST WHAT YOU WANT.
If yoa ore in nt id of shoes or slippers of any kind, no matter «ha'
style jou may want, call around and see us ami vve will suit and please
ycu We haye now ou hand a !i»r-»e Hue of ladies Oxford ties, opera toe or
common sense slippers, any material desired, all sizes and have them i'i
widths Bto E. A lartre and complete line
Gents low rnt shoes, Lawn TeDnis shoes and Wigwam slippers at a
bargain. Fftir styles of n.< rjV. Pati nt L< .mI : s-boiw «l ?3 j>! r pair.. We
hav«; at present, ao extraordinary larire ».! rk ->| ruenV, boy's and youthV
fine eilf and lanararoo shoes which we an .'oiiijf to ch s> out before visiting
the eastern markets to make my ia!l purcLasee. If yoa an- in nee i of any
shoes visit our store and get a bargain
Wc have siili ou hand 200 pairs chi'drens i is color - ippers, reg ilar
price fio cents now on sale at 25 cents per puir
Many styles of plow shoes, aod all grades <>f working shoes
muting in price from 85c. to $1.50 v'.'e have s'.ill a lftrj/e stock of the
"Eureka" shoe at $1 25 which s-Hin.- to be everybody-, fivyorite. C ill and
get a pair aud get a shoe that will wear and give entire fiitisficlion. 125
pair Gossamer calf shoes regular price $2 25, at $1.75, sizes 0 to
LADIES SHOES.
We can iuw show a better and finer selection of ladies and mi.-s<s fine
shoes than ever before Ladies front lace shoes, opera or common seu.-e
style, patent leather trimmiDg or plain trimming Button shies of all kinds,
dongola kid, ccrsa kid, Fretch kid. glove kid tep, cloth top, ooze calf top
all styles—all grades— all prices.
We want viur money aud we a i >;t.lug to give y< u more iben value
for it, for wc need the menev and no- ii.•- goods Call and uet a bargain <■(
a lifetime iu ibis grand sacrifice sale.
Now is your time to buy. Grat a bargains in seasonable goods u:«l
from the immense assortment which we carry you can never fail to rind
what you want in footwear and what will suit you. Aa irnaicD.se business
enables us to name the very lowest prices tor reliable goods
Boots and Shoes Made to Order
Repairing neatly and promptly done either in kather or rubber goods
At all times a full stock of oilmrtis box-toed boots end shoes.
At all times a full stock of
Lejitlier and Findings.
When in ueed of anything ia our line give me c call.
Orders by mail will receive same attention as if brought in person
Yours truly,
JOHN BICKEL.
Numbers l%iß S. Main Street.
SUTLER, - -- -- - PENN'A
Vmm V T
mtkMMw
fi»Mf!) HuBEI ' T0 * vs
MMh quite as naturally drift to the store
1 il Wr//'i IhVll) Lm \ ' !f | l tha* best s.rvo their interests as
' \\' J0 J I P A" water flow* down hi!l
t^ \K^Vy yT;( HpM '/Vl Here at l^e « rPllt - c hoe retailing
I 1 \ Tvfl ft |i > headquarters of Butler low prices aud
All J J*vjy P./ /. depeuduble poods eo band in glove.
'' g j-X i i fJJ One cm always rest assured of pet
jf/j/S' ' *' u £ u -' for your money here,
sometimes more than full value.
Ladies our prlceswlll open your eyes as well as your purses.
Below are a few prices:
Ladies kid button hoots, handsome styles, only $1; lwdies genuine dori
gola button boots, handsome styles, only $1 25; ladies genuine dongoln but
ton boots, very Cue, only $1.50; kdies genuine dongola button boots, the
finest you ever taw, only $2; ladies bright dongola, baud turned shoes, a
very line and comfortable shoe that holds its own with any .$3.50, here at
only $2.75 We Lave ladies fine dongola tops, calf, patent" leather, vamp
hand turns, only $3 75. Ladies lace Oxford Southern ties and Opera slip
pers, for which we are justly celebrated for having the laj«est stock, best
styles and best of all tjie lowest prices, has and is selling large quantities of
these shoes
Our line in men's, boy's and youth's shoes is gland—not equaled in
Cutler. We have fr-jni a good plow shoe or brogan at $1 up to the finest
hand sewed shoes iu all widths aud shapes.
Gentlemen step iu and try on some of the fhoes we offer in Con
gress at sl, $1.25 aud $1.50; I) calf dress shoes, no seams, full quarter, plain
or tipped, solid leather insoles and counters It yon wont finer look at o:r
calf shoo at $2; calf Kangaroo, soft as a glove at $2.50; a better end finer
ones at $3 75; the finest English Cordovan, hand made at $5.75, all widths;
don't forget our $3 lino, they are beauties. Men's fine patent leather shoes
byciele shoes, base ball shoes.
Infants shoes at 25e. p 50c. ODd 75c. Misses fine .shoes, heel or spring
at sl, extra fine at $1.25, $1.50, $1.75 ond $2, siz -s 11 to 2; children's 5 to
8 at 500 to $1; youth's shoes, buttou or luce, strong and durable at $1,51.25
aud $1.50, 11 to 2; boy's button, lac-- or Congress at sl, $ 1.25,$ 1 50 and $2,
plain or tipped, solid to the core. Lawn Tennis shoes at 50c a pair.
Maii orders for above shoes filled promptly and carefully.
B. C. HUSELTON, 102 N Main St., Butler
...() U R—
"NEW FINISH"
KID BUTTON SHOES!
IN
Opera and Common Sense, is a shoe
that can scarcely be distinguished from
the genuine French Kid article and is
very durable, splendid fitting and most
elegant appearing. It has a very flexi
ble sole, making it extremely easy and
comfortable to the foot. We sell it for
It has eclipsed any line we ever offered
in point of popularity. All sizes in stock.
Mail Orders Filled Promptly
AL. RUFF,
114: South Main Street. Hvitler, l J a
AMANDA'S J3URDENS.
Thoy All Vanishod After Sho Dis
covered Hor Riches.
II E was no
longer little
ij?\ -J Mandy.
\x She had
grown to be a
V sKSiS large strong
/ toNi P ;r '. with red
./ J| cheeks and
\ brown eyes
of good nature.
». upon Amanda's
arul fn j°J her
tea' .jt- blushes when
strangers spoke
■' V hail been ac-
U counted pretty
' 1 ami what was
* much better—a
good girl. l!nt now, since her thir
teenth birthday, a sad change had
come over Lcr. A frowu often settled
'upon her once smooth forehead, and
she went about her daily tasks not with
the old-time s! Ips nnd songs and smiles,
but in a lis ties . disconsolate way that
di<l lier no credit
Amanda had r. ee tlv discovered that
her father was not the rich man she
had all along thought him. "The
flock of kids," as she sometimes called
the little band of brothers and sisters
younger than herself, took so much of
her mother's time and care, and were,
withal, such romps, that it was hard
for Amanda to do her share of keeping
the house in order.
Somehow, everything seemed at this
time to disgust Amanda. For one
thing she hail become very sensitive
about her "great, red hands." The re
mark of another schoolgirl had given
her new thoughts about her hands,
although they were not out of propor
tion to her rather large frame.
"I do-wish we were rich!" she would
often exclaim.looking positively homely
in her discontentment. Then she would
look out of the windows in a listless,
droop-shouldered way, murmuring to
herself in this wise: "The idea of liv
ing in a house with a rag carpet on the
sitting-room floor, and coming back to
its original rags at that!"
Again she sometimes would say to
herself in strong disgust: "Amandy!
Amandy Jinkum! What a name! If
folks would only call me Amanda it
might be borne. And Jinkum! Who
ever heard such a name?''
"Amanda," said her mother, "we
ought not to fret about a thing like a
name. I long ago made up my mind
to like our name, and I do."
"If ever I have any children," said
Amanda. "I'll give them right-down
sensible good names they needn't be
ashamed of."
"I often wonder*" said the mother,
softly, "if Abraham Lincoln, when he
jfc'k fefijf
km w
i i&g-
JOIIVNY WROTE A LINE.
wits of your a-c. was ashamed of his
name. 1 t.uppo we should live lives
so {rood fat i v ry'.'OiTy will approve of
us, and then our names will sound
good, wherever tliey are heard."
About 111-, * Uuo otu heroine was in
vited to spend a with a pirl of
about her own age, the daughter of a
merchant and an only child. A sight
of tlie elegant dre -s of the petted
child, the costly furnishings of her
preily chamber, s.*at Amanda Jinkum
home u: >.'e than ever discontented, if
not positively ■ nviot,;. For days she
dawdled ::. her work; jerked aa<l
scolded little \Villie whiledressing him;
for■: 1 fault with her "big red hands,"
a: ; • ."erred to herself as a "monstrous
u;,*'ant."
v !• .» frequently than ever this uis
i er.t d girl would speak out fret
\\ hy can't we have things more
itylish? Amy I'rince does, and why
san't we?"
One day berny unusually unhappy
»he cried out: "What a mess these chil
dren do make! I don't see what's the
use of so many children, anyway!"
"Which of them would you be glad
to he rid of, Amanda?" asked her
mother.
"All of them!" snapped the eldest
laughter.
"My dear," said Mrs. Jinkum in a
mild tone, "you know how sick Willie
has been, and I have allowed the rest
to play here to save disturbing him.
The house generally looks much more
orderly than it docs to-day."
"I'd like to know when it ever looked
any better," cried the girl savagely.
The cruelty of these words to the
worn mother proved the last drop in
her brimming cup of trial, and five
minutes later Mr. Jinkum found his
wife sobbing in her own room.
"Why, Lucy! what is the matter?"
he asked. Presently she told him how
the too frequent keen thrust from their
eldest child had wounded her souL
After this the two talked over the un
happy change in their once contented
daughter. "I had hoped that Aman
da's discontentment would soon van
ish," said her father, "but I must con
fess her mood seems to be settling into
a confirmed habit of mind."
"It is because she has never yet
learned how to count up her blessings,"
said her mother.
Some days after this, Mr. Jinkum in
vited Amanda to a public concert with
him. They started early, for he had
an errand or two to do. Amanda was
very much pleased to go with her
father to public entertainments, he
treated her so much like an equal.
They walked from the cozy farm
house and into the village near by,
talking pleasantly of the coming con
cert. Turning from the principal busi
ness street, Mr. Jinkum knocked at
the door of a small house. It was
opened by a pleasant-faced woman
with a heavy baby on her left arm.
"Oh, good evening, Mr. Jinkum," she
said cheerily. "Come right in. I sup
pose this is your daughter. You are
well. You look very well," she added
politely to Amanda.
After the callers had taken some
proffered chairs and there had been a
few moments of general conversation,
Mr. Jinkum made known his business
which related to the doing of some of
the family washing. The business dis
patched, Mr. Jinkum asked:
"And how is your husband to-day?"
"Oh, I think lie is a trifle stronger."
From thi.i point, Mr. Jinkum, by his
kindly manner, induced the washer
woman to talk s imowhat freely of her
household. he spoke of her thankful
ness that she was able to earn a com
fortable living at the tub for the fami
ly. Each succeeding week brought her
more work. And then baby was the
best baby in the world; there really
BUTLER, PA., KKI IKY V. -IULY :{ 1. 1 SOI.
never wis su.li a Anil tnen
Johnny was improving in his stn.iies
every day!
"Come here, Johnny," she called,
"and let >ir. Jinkutn anil Mivs Amanda
see how 'Oll you can write." Thus
called a little sunny-haired fellow of
seven years came forward and present
ed hi.- slate from under his right arm,
and for the first time Amanda saw that
the boy had lost one arm at>ove the el
bow and the other at the wrist- Sev
eral sentences had been written on his
slate in a beautiful round hand.
"Why, how could he clo it!" Amanda
exclaimed, excitedly.
"Show Miss Amanda how it is that
you write," said the mother, fondly.
Johnny carried his I:. t uto the table,
and picking' up hi - pencil with his lips,
pushed it nnd. r the wrist band and
wrote a line exceedingly well.
"By and by," said the mother. "I
shall earn Johnny a pair of artificial
arms. Dr. Ila'l says he can have them
fitted beautifully. lie knows a young
man who was blovi n away from a can
non anil los- t!i arms: but since he
pot his new one • he has become a tele
graph operator. V\ e are g'.itiijy to maltc
an operator out of Johnny here."
Johnny nodded in a matter of fact
way as if that business were already
settled.
"O. yes; Johnny will make his mark
in the world, if he hasn't any hands,"
(.aid Mrs. Krown. in a calm, cheery
tone, without an atom of emotion; and
then she told how he played marbles
and threw stones with his toes.
Once outside the house Amanda
hastened to ask her father how Johnny
Brown had met with his bad fortune.
Her father told her that the family
ha«l once lived close beside a railroad
track. Johnny was but a creeping
baby at the time of his accident One
day he managed to crawl unobserved
in front of a passing locomotive, and
the miscliic-f was done.
"The father is a crreat invalid,'' Mr.
Jinkum continued, ";::id the eldest boy
a cripple; yet tlie m .tii r never repines,
but yladly supports tiuiii all 1 >3* taking
in washing. I doubt if there is a hap
pier woman in town than she."
In the same block f.i'J.i -r and daugh
ter made another call, and were asked
into a very pretty ;.ii Mrs.
Arnold, a tall and rather stately woman,
was not unknown to both the callers.
She greeted them with smiling {Trace.
Mr. Jinkum hud called to leave a parcel
of sewing. No sooner had they entered
the room than a tall slender girl, fully
as tall as Amanda, came slowly and
tremulously forw arJ. and laying her
emaciated arm over.Luanda's shoulder,
said in uncertain, lh-pir.;,' tones, like a
child of thiv. or four yaars of age:
"Why—didn't you be tall as
me?"
In health .she must have been a girl
of rare promise aud beauty. The hair
clustered about her forehead in masses
of dark curl . Hut the muscles of her
fa A- ware •-■."> tantly twitching, her
(fait was uneven and unsteady, and it
could be easily seen that the poor
young creature v. as a mere wreck of
lil'e and health. At the door Mrs. Ar
nold remarked that Georgiana was
growing steadily worse.
"You saw the tall fender about the
stove?" she continued.
Amanda nodded.
"Shj has fallen on the stove once,
and so we got the fender."
"Oh, I can tell you." she continued,
"there are some things harder to bear
than death. She had six of those
dreadful fpasms yesterday." All this
was said with a gentle, tearless smile
or with firm lips clo/ed, r.s if the cou
cealmentof anjruish had l>ecomc a fixed
habit.
Mr. Jinkum drew his daughter's arm
within his own and the two walked on
in silence.
Life at the farm soon took on a
somber hue. Little Willie grew
worse. The thoughts of the household
were centered upon him. Amanda gave
up her school. It seemed as if the
mother never left the bedside of her
sick boy.
Amanda had. along with the dull
pain at thought of losing the little
darling of the household, the intoler
able stin<r of conscience. She had said
she would like to lose all the children
--and how dreadful the prospect of
losing even one! The wickedness of
her speech oppressed her. How
earnestly she prayed, as she looked
down on the pale face drawn with
suffering, that the baby's life might be
spared. She saw now how imaginary
had been most of her troubles.
A letter lay on the table, received
the night before by her father from
her Uncle George. Mrs. Jinkuin handed
it to her and she read it wonderingly:
"DEAR BUOTHZU: Your ami Lucy's letters
reached us last night together with your draft
for one hundred dollars. We had been a good
deal discouraged, having failed to get money
where we felt we had a right to expect it, but
from you, with your large family and sickness,
wo had expected nothing, and lo! such a gift.
The cyclone that left us without a home In
a moment did not wring a tear from our eyes,
since our tittle ones were safe and unhurt. But
your letters so touched our hearts that we both
sat down and cried for joy. We couldn't help
It. We will accept the money as a loan but not
as a gift, and ouiy hopo you have not too much
cramped yourself in sending it.
"You are the same dear fellow you were when
we owned our first jackknifc and pocketbook
in company, and 1 can't tell you how much we
bless you. With lots of love to you and yours,
I am your ever affectionate brother,
"GEOKCE."
Amanda stood by the table realizing.
She had never thought of her plainly
dresEfcd farmer father as a hero. Now
she understood why the purchase of a
new carpet had beeD deferred. Now
she could guess the meaning of the
hints Mrs. Brown and Mrs. Arnold had
given of her mother's helpfulness.
Another week passed. The strain
upon the family was now almost great
er than they could bear.
Amanda had gone up to her chamber
but was unable to sleep. Her mother
softly entered her room.
"Mother?" Amanda whispered.
"Yes, dear."
"llow is Willie?"
"Better—a good deal, we think."
"Oh, I am so glad!" and she threw
her arms about her mother's neck, and
sobbed with joy.
When she was calmer she said, as
her mother sat by her side: "I have
•been a wicked girL So discontented
and unhappy about such little, little
&
i! m %
IMIb | M
' I
AMANDA COVNTS IT ITER BLESSIN'OS.
things! And here I have such a good
home, and father and mother and
brothers and sinters; and Willie is go
ing to get well —don't you think so,
mother?"
"Yes, dear. I think so."
"And thrn, mother, I've been count
ing up my blessings. I used to feel so
about my big red hands, ami there's
poor Johnny Brown with no hands at
all! What a great thing it is to be
Bound and strong and well, every one
of us, but Willie. I wonder I never
thought of it before! None of us are
lame or deformed. or. bliud—iust tbiuk
ot poor ArnoUL And,
mother, 1 know now why we couldn't
have a new carpet; but we can Jo with
out or patch the ol'l one, can't we?"
"Certainly, dear.''
"And something els*?, mother?"
"Yes, daughter."
"I want to toll yon how rich I foel!
I've got a hero tor a father, an I a —a —
saint for a mother." —O. Howard, In
Wide Awake.
TIIK LOVK Tt> T
tfj
% S w
"\ \ •
1
ajjpt,
__ "* _V L""-"'- - '-j- • • 4
John I'll wat h here 'till she goes
by, an' if she reads what I've writ on
that stone an don't shriek nor faint
dead away, then I kin make up my mind
she don't love me! —Life.
A r.a»i:i»ss Ilrain.
Young Lady—l called to make some
inquiries regarding your terms for di
vorces. D-.X'S getting a divorce take
long?
Divorce Lawyer—Not very.
"Is the consent of the husband neces
sary'.'"
"Not at all."
"Can you get alimony?"
"Depends on the circumstances." |
"i mean if the husband is very rich?" ;
"Oh, yes. usually. Do you think of
separating from your husband?"
"I haven't any yet. but in£ folks are \
bound and determined I shall marry old
Bullion, and I thought I'd better consult j
you first." —X. Y. Weekly.
Xot the Most J'rolltable System.
Owner—Let me see; it's about a year
since we stopped publishing scandals
.and other trashy news, and receiving 1
false advertisements, isn't it?
Editor—Just a year.
Owner—What was our circulation be
fore we stopped?
Editor —Twenty-two thousand
Owner—What is it now?
Editor —Six thousand three hundred ;
j and seventy-eight to-day.—Judge.
A Center Shot.
"Now, Johnny, if six men can do a :
piece of work in one day. how long will i
it take one man to do it?" asked a New
York teacher of a sharp little boy.
"The school-teacher is a blamed fool
if he thinks I can answer that question," j
whispered Johnny in a low voice to the j
next boy.
"Speak out, Johnny: I dare say you
are right," replied the pedagogue.— j
Texas Siftings.
Giving Biw Fair Play.
Judge Lynch—Have you anything to
say, prisoner, why sentence of death
should not be carried out on you?
Prisoner—Merely this—that I am not
guilty.
Judge Lynch—Well, we can't accept
that plea, but you'll have a chance to
offer it in a higher court in about five
minui.es. Let him Dill!—Mun- j
sey's Weekly.
ISottom Facts.
Inquiring Advertiser —I see, sir, that ,
you state that your paper has the largest
circulation in the United States. Now,
can you swear to that?
Newspaper Manager—Certainly, sir;
its circulation outside of the United j
States is very much smaller than it is
inside the United States! —Leslie's Illus
trated Newspaper.
A ('undid Afowa!.
Algie -What an unromantic girl Miss
Clioteau is! She shocked me terribly
last night.
Charlie —Indeed! How was that?
Algie —At parting I asked her for a
little kiss, and she said that she came
from St. Louis and her mouth wasn't
built for little kisses. —Munsey's Week
ly.
A Kiirai Ijjnoramus.
Pretty Girl (at summer hotel) —Who
is that handsome stronger at the next
table?
Favorite Waiter—l don't know, miss;
some country gawk, I s'pose. He don't
know notliin' 'bout fash'n'ble life.
"Indeed! Why do you think so?"
"He's sittin' there starvin' instead of
feein' a waiter an' gettin' somethin' to
1 eat." —N. Y. Weekly.
A I Jilque ('<ii»e.
Snodgrass—Swayback is a remark
able man
Snively—ln what way?
"He thinks he can sing."
"There's nothing remarkable al>out
it. Hundreds of people think they can
sing."
"Hut Swayback never tries." —Life.
A Feathered Alarmist.
"Mr. Carter, I'm 'most afeard we
won't wake up at four in the mornin",
so I've had ICitridge bring up our ole
rooster t' tie t'the leg o' yer bed. He
ginerally begins t' crow 'bout that time
in the mornin', an's purty sure t' wake
up folks wot hain't used t" hearin" "im."
—Harper's Bazar.
Amur tin in Irae.
Ethel—Boohoo! I'm sure that Charlie
doesn't love me any more!
Maud —What makes you think so?
Ethel —Why, we haven't had a quar
rel for four or five days.—Munsey's
Weekly.
An Imposiibility.
Maud —Charlie promised to think of
mo often while he is away.
Ethel —Did he really? 1 had no idea
that he could think at all.—Chicago
Saturday Evening Herald.
Evident** Conclusive.
Dummit—Miss Summit looked at me
through her lorgnette yesterday,
llummit—What did she do that for?
Dummit (sadly) I suppose she didn't
want to see me. Puck.
Truth Is Mighty.
Guest—Have you any spring lamb?
Candid Waiter Yes, suh, we've got
jome of ther springiest lamb yon evah
bit into. —Good News.
Not Alarmed.
Fir«t Socialist—You arc becoming
proud and haughty. Beware the fate
of Marat!
Second Socialist —That fate can never
be mine. Marat was killed in a bath- j
tub.—Jury.
Pertinent Is Impertinent.
"I ain't so fond of American things,"
said Chappie. "I am awful stuck on
whatever's English—l admit it."
"Why don't you try speaking it, Mr.
Swelton?" asked Penelope.—Munsey's
Weekly.
One Less. Anyway.
"Henry," she whispered, "why don't
you say something?"
"Because," he answered, between his ,
teeth. "1 have just swallowed a mos
quit >, and ■! >:i't want him to escape."—
Judge
Out-lleroliuj- Herod.
"1 w. i.der at tin* number of children
of respectable parentage offered for
adoption."
"Well, you ,ee, a Tea;, masiv very re
sp rt.ible * have to live mi ti;;t* "
Puck.
ALBERT EDWARD.
till G*m« at the tiulio of IMrhmond'i
Country Scat Some Year* Ago.
It is not generally known that tha
prince of Wales* breach of hospitality
in playing baccarat in defiance of the
express wishes of his host at Tranby
Croft was bv no means lii i lirsi offense
against the laws of hospitality and also
of p«od taste, says the Xew York Re
corder. He acted in very much the
same fashion some years ago at > iood
wood, the country seat of the dulce of
Kichmoml. liver since his marriage
the prince of Wales has lieen in the
habit of visiting the duke during tho
annual! Sock! vood races, with the prin
cess and a la:;;v party of royal guests.
The dnke of Richmond, who is now
an old man. is very independent of
mind and possesses great force of
character. His horror for gambling is
well known, and when, a few years
a-_ r o, the prince's taste for baccarat lie
came the talk of London, the duke, on
the occasion «-f t'.ie heir apparcnt's n -xt
visit, told him of his aversion t » games
of hazard, and exacted a pledge from
him that under no circumstances should
baecarat l>e played during his stay.
The duke makes an invariable rule of
retiring ever} night punctually nt ten
o'eloek, no matter who is present, and,
confiding in the promise of the prince,
although it had been -mcwhat reluct
antly given, the old p. r went quietly
to bed at his usual time. On the third
day f the races, however, the duke,
who had as usual bidden his royal
guests good night at ten o'clock, had
occasion to come downstairs
about an hour later.
His horror and indignation may be
better understood than described at
finding the whole royal party seated
around a table in the library and play
ing baccarat for very high stakes, with
the prince of Wales acting as banker!
Sojgreat was the duke's wrath that he
openly protested to the prince against
the way in which his confidence had
been betrayed, the latter presenting but
a sorry spectacle during this algarade,
for he could find no go»xl excuse for his
extraordinary behavior.
The card party was broken up in
great coufusion, and it was never re
sumed during that or any of the subse
quent visits at Goodwood.
HER ANGELIC COUGH.
By Moan* of It She Set tlx© Whole Con*
grcgatlou Going.
She had one of those sweet, angelic
faces, with great, prayerful gray eyes,
and no one would think there was any
thing of the joker about her. She sat
in her front pew in one of the fashion
able up-town churches, says the New
York Times. Her pretty head was
bowed over her prayer book. All was
as quiet as a tomb in church, and the
silence seemed to impress her. Sud
denly she looked up and her great gray
eyes quickly surveyed the crowd of si
lent worshipers. Then just the faint
est suggestion of a laugh crept into her
gray eyes, and she coughed two or
three cute little coughs. Then the
head went down over the prayer book
again and the smile on lier face broad
ened as her neighbor coughed, and her
neighbor's neighbor coughed, and the
cough was taken up here and there and
everywhere until the once silent taber
nacle had the sounds peculiar to the
consumptive ward in a big hospital.
As the sweet young lady with the big
eyes came out of church she was heard
to say to her escort:
"Now, you see that coughing in
ahureh is largely a matter of lial/t.
One person coughs, and the rest of the
songregation follow suit. I know it
was very wicked of me, but when I
looked up and noticed how silent every
body was I had to try tho experiment
of seeing how many people would cough
if I did. It was such fun."
SEEING THINGS GROW.
The Rapidity with Which ;the Gladiolus
Springs Into Life.
Did you ever actually see tilings grow?
In the spring and summer days you
:>ftcn sec a tree with buds just ready to
explode like popcorn, and, like the corn,
Ehauge suddenly to masses of fluffy
white. You walk by it and it is still
corn. When you return it has popped.
But did you actually ever see the explo
sion, or better yet, see the growth when
there was no alarm to call your atten
tion to the change? asks the Nev» York
Tribune. Weil, lie down some day be
side a gladiolus bed after reccn rain
and sunsliino have made a thin crust
over tlieearth,and when the greenspears
are just beginning to push through
it. You will seo some cracks in the
crust, and by and by a little trapdoor
will begin to lift, as though some small
Titan were struggling underneath.
Look sharply now, for if you do not you
may turn your wandering eyes back to
find the green laborer pushing at the
door without you having seen him
come. Soon he will throw back the
eover on its hinges and stand there for
the first time in the sunlight an inch
above the ground. All this may be
done even in an hour. Few things grow
faster than the gladiolus.
The Ouij Continental Flu;.
It is believed in Philadelphia that tho
only one of the original continental
flags in existence is in the possession of
the city troop of that city. The old flag
is spread between two large pieces of
plateglass, which keep the air
from it. The probabilities are that
were it removed from this case it would
fall to pieces. In design it is somewhat
similar to the English jack. The design
was made by a committee, of which
Benjamin Franklin was a member, in
1770. A few years later the first Ameri
can standard accepted by congress waa
submitted and adopted.
Prevention of Imprudent Hoi-rowing-
The Egyptians had a very remark
able ordinance to provent persons from
borrowing imprudently. An Egyptian
was not permitted to borrow without
giving to his creditor in pledge the body
of his father. It was deemed both an
impiety and an infamy not to redeem so
sacred a pledge. A persoa who died
without discharging that duty was de
prived of the customary honow paid to
the dead.
No Kind ot a T>llo%r.
Julia —I declare, I think there's no
spirit in Harry. lie offered to kiss mo
last night, but didn't.
Ethel—Why not?
Julia—Just because I told him to stop.
—Boston Herald.
HP Was Tired of It.
"Young man, what tunc is that you've
been whistlin' all the mornin'?"
"That? That's an air from 'Lucia.' "
"Well, don't you think a change of
air is sometimes beneficial?" —Harper's
Bazar.
A Cruel Answer.
Maud —Oh, I'm invited to the Way
ups' ball; but I don't know what in the
world to wear. What would you wear
if you had my complexion?
Slillicent—A thick veil. —Boston Cour
ier.
A Good Reason.
Customer—Your ten-cent shine isn't
as good as your five-cent one.
Bootblack—l know it, sir; that's the
reason I charge more. They injure my
reputation.—Puck.
sinltliers Knew.
Miss Wilkiua—Ah, what a change one
littlo woman can make in a man's life.
Mr. Smithers—Exactly; and what a
heap of change she require# while do
ing it.—Jury.
In the MhUt ot the Fight.
Ali s. H.—They say a man never mar
ries hi* first love.
Ilcr Hubby— lie ean't» it would b«
LI/#.
Oar of I linu.aad*.
Theorizer—l can't understand it, I
really can't, llere you 'eft a comfort
able home in Europe and came to this
country because you wanted to be your
own landlord, yet you settle right down
here in a big city and pay more reul for
a dingy slum cellar thau you paid in
Europe for your whole farm. Why
don't you go west, where you can get
land for nothing, or else go back to
your pastoral home in Europe?
New Arrival—The west is too far to
walk, and Europe is too far to swim.—
Good News.
V Satiafaetory Criterion.
Brer Koach - Who dat man I pass
yonder look in' so mad. Brer Siinvuu?
I'.rer Sim Tun —Hit's a feller naiaed
Dodgy nee*, which he's mad cause I
would'n' len' him fi' cents. When dti
sheriff sole ole marster out. 'fo* <1«- wah,
dat niggah did'n' fetch but seveu hun
i dred dollars, an' dat's my opinion of um
now." —Harper's ltazar.
"CIGARETTECUTE."
A speedy and painless mode of execut
ing our criminals.—Judge.
A IJui'ty Connclrnee.
Tiff Johnson went out fishing again
one day last week. He had a nice lunch
fixed up. but upon Arriving at the creek
he discovered that he had lost it, so he
retraced his steps. Meeting a large,
satisfied-looking negro who was pick
ing his teeth. Tiff asked:
"Did you pick up anything in the
road?"
"N'o, sah, 1 didn't pick up nuffin'.
Couldn't a dog hab found it, and eat it
up?"— Texas Siftings.
Accommodating.
"They tell me you and your wife have
separated. How came it to pass?"
"To please others."
"Please others?"
"Yes, I married just to please others,
and in » month or two everybody said
we wouldn't live together very long.
So I left her. I knew it would please
the folks to fulfill their prophecies."—
Boston Transcript.
Thing* That Take Time.
liunce —Bowser, you've had that news
paper two hours; aren't you nearly
through with it it?
Bowser—Yes; I've read the Csdsly di
vorce case, the Bowery double murder,
the St. John's choir scandal and the
Jamaica Plains ghost story. I've only
to read the foreign news, the domestic
politics and the market reports. Give
it to you in five minutes.—Puck.
"Tlip I.ay of the l4Ut Mlnfttrel."
Primus —Briggs has been courting an
heiress, who, by the way. was old
enough to be liis mother, but she mar
ried bis rival.
secundus Yes, I know; and yet
Briggs'sent them an epithalamium he
wrote and set to music.
Primus—Very generous. Was it sung
at the wedding?
Seeundus —No. The tune was "Old
Hundred." —Life.
Doing Time for Time.
Prison-Visitor —And what brought
you here, my poor man?
Convn't —Ilavin' too much time on me
hands.
Visitor —Ah! idleness is indeed the
parent of crime.
Convict —That ain't it, boss. I was
caught with three watches in me pock
et that I couldn't account for. —Judge.
A Delay In the Proceeding*.
Mrs. Slimson (to little Willie Slimson,
who has been taking in the ball game}
—So that's where you have been, is it?
You just wait until your father gets
home, young man, and he will give you
a good trouncing!
Willie (confidingly)—He won't be
home xi't awhile. He staid for the last
inning.—Harper's Bazar.
Ecclesiastical Item.
Teacher—What are the names of the
seven days of the week?
Boy—Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
"That's only sue days. You have
missed one. When does your mother
go to church?"
"When pa buys her a new hat."—Tex
as Siftings.
I'osltlre i'roof.
Returned Explorer--Don't you believe
mv statement th.it I reached the north
pole?
Scientist Not ivTlhout further proof.
Explorer—Well, here is positive proof.
This block of wood is a part of the pole
which I cut off with mv own hand and
brought home. —M unsey's Weekly.
All Offset.
He —Geraldine, you do not love me.
She—Have I broken our engagement?
lie—No; but you wore Capt. Farrnr'a
flowers to-night instead of mine.
She —But yesterday I ate your bon
bons first.—Judge.
Best They Could Do.
Mr. De Quaker —So the Westends
have gone to New York. They move in
the best society, I presume.
Miss Dibble (of Philadelphia)— Well,
y-e-s, that is—the best society in New
York —N. Y. Weekly.
A Correct Hill.
Showman —Look here. \ our bill
says: "Forty-nine days' board for cam
el!" You've only had him seven days.
Keeper—That's all right; that camel
has seven stomachs. See?— Puck.
On Her Face.
Miss Spry—Jane hates the smell of
powder.
Miss Envious —And yet she has it
near her all the tinae.— Judge.
An Incomplete Set*
Mrs. Be id—Have you got Scribbleton's
complete works? _ <
Bookseller—No, ina'art; he isn't dead
vet. Puck.
A Safe Offer.
Enterprising Boy (who reads the pa
per)—Fatlder, a button manufacturer at
Barmen vill pay 8230 to effery man
killed in a railway accident if he vear
six of dose buttons vat he seU.
Parent (a clothing dealer)—Dat's
goot. I make me dat advertisement
right avay. I sthamp my name on all
dos« pants-buttons, and I vill offer S-SO
every dime a customer gets killed on a
railroad if he vear my pants mit six of
my buttons on.
"Subbose many gets killed It cost#
you—"
"It cost me noddings. Dose buttons
all fly off vile de customer is running to
catch dat train." —Good News.
Strictly .lia.lncM.
Old Gent—l understand, sir—in fact,
I know —that you and my daughter are
edging very rapidly toward matrimony.
Penniless Suitor —It is true, sir, and,
although I am obliged to confess that tt
will have to l>c a case of love in a cot
tage, I hope— .
"Say no more. Love in a cottage ia
the true ideal of happiness. You have
my consent—"
"Oh, thank you."
"Providing you can show mo the deed
for the cottage. Good day."—Good
News.
INTO. 38
Swing His Rapier'.
Sampson was a clerk for one day only
at the mammoth establishment of Wil
liam Bohson. in Dallas, Tex. Bobson,
although very wealthy, is also very illit
erate. He was writing a letter, when
he looked up ami asked Sampson Jen
nings-. who was at the next desk:
"How do you spell inducement—with
a -c' or an's'?"
"Don't know," responded the new
clerk.
"All the" clerks 1 ever had except you
knew how to spell."
"So did all the bosses I erer had," re
plied Jennings.
The entente rurJiaU was spilled over
the floor, and a new man stands at the
desk formerly <« upied by Sampson Jen
nings.—Tex; - Sittings.
Clt-tiioe to Save Money.
Agent -I am ii-f rmed, sir, that you
arc about to build a new house, and I
should like to soli you a book on archi
tecture.
Mr. Suburb—Don't want it.
Agent—lt may save you a lot of
money, sir. May I inquire what sort of
a house you int.-ml to erect?
Mr. S.—l have accepted a plan for a
I 53,000 house.
Agent (triumphantly)— Well, sir, this
book shows you how to build a $5,000
house for only 810,000. —N. Y. Weekly.
Benefit* of Banking.
George—l say. Jack, change me a
five, won't you?
Jack—l haven't more than enough for
lunch and car fare in my pocket. Fact
is, 1 don't carry money loose in my
pockets any more. 1 put it in the bank
and pay by check.
"I don't care to l>other with checks.
I always carry money in my pockets,
and I never miss a cent""
"Y—e—s. but you are not married."
—N. Y. Weekly.
Moat Be Conalstent.
'"Gentlemen." remarked Jones to the
seconds of a man whom he had unin
tentionally offended, and who had
called to make arrangements for a duel,
"I will fight your principal with
swords, pistols or any other weapon he
may select; but I must insist on one
condition —on no account must a drop
of blood be shed. I have just joined
the anti-vivisection society."— Judge.
An Inference.
Little Fanny (to her twin sister) —
Mr. Smith kissed Aunt Flora last night.
I heard her say so.
Mamma (overbearing)— Come to me
instantly, Fanny. What do you mean ,
by telling such a story?
Fanny (stoutly)— Well, I heard auntie
say she had something from Mr. Smith's
own lips, and what else could it have
been? —Harper's Barar.
••A FREAK"—A BLIND FAINTER.
—Harper's Bazar.
Itu« in Urbe.
She—Your society refreshes me
preatly.
He —Thank yon. Then you won't
mind if I stay another hour?
She—O dear, no! You have such a
country air about you it's a perfect pic
nic to be in your presence.—Life.
Safety Amorril.
Mr. Winks (solemnly)—A noted phy
sician says that deadly bacteria lurk in
bank notes, and many diseases, es
pecially smallpox, arc spread that way.
Mrs. Winks—Mercy on us! Give me
all you have, right off. I've been vac
cinated, you know. —Good News.
I.oaing o Grand Opportunity.
"Henderson has no sentiment," said
Marie.
"Don't you thinfe he has?"
"No. I refused to marry him and he
hasn't plunged madly into dissipation,
or done anything to show that he la i
blighted being."—Judge.
Important Information.
A smart Galveston boy coming to
New York on one of the Mallory steam
ers said to the engineer on the boat:
"You will get your discharge if you
ain't more careful."
''What for, sonny?"
"You forgot to wind up that eloek;
the hands haven't moved since we left
Galveston," replied the youth, pointing
to the steam gauge. —Texas Siftings.
Only Two Thing* Left.
"If a prominent man in England gets
caught cheating at cards," said Scad
dleberry, apropos of the Gordon-Cnm
ming affair, "what becomes of him?"
"There are only two things be oan
do," said Lord Noodleby; "commit sui
cide or accept a consulship, somewhere
in Asia." —Judge.
At the Opera.
She —How eharming dear mamma
looks to-night in the ballet. And grand
mamma in the pink tights on the end
seems real giddy. She is flirting des
perately with that young English swell
in the left box.
He—Why, that is Swaggers. He told
me to-night that he was about to elope
with a ballet girl.— Life.
Mucn Worse Ofll
Haggles—Don't beg there. Them
folks is wuss off than we are.
Beery Ben —They don't show it.
Baggies—Oh, I know 'em. They're
tryin' to cut a dash on 32,400 a year and
five children to feed. —Harper's Basar.
WHAT SHE HAD IX IT.
"Got cr toothache, Mary?"
"Yep." •
"Have yer got er cavity in it?"
"Nop. I got cotton in it."— Golden
Days.
Wather W.ngh.
"Gwacious," cried Cholly, suddenly,
at dinner, "there are thirteen people at
table."
"Oh, no, Mr. Budd," whispered his
fair companion, "only twelve people—
and you."—Life.
Far Different.
A revivalist in the course of an ani
mated exhortation exclaimed: "Ah, but
Heaven is my home!"
Just then a voice in the rear of thn
hall shouted: "I thought you lived in
Chicago!"— Judge. _ . .