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JOB PRIIVTI Hating a general assortment oflarge, c'J'Snt plain and orna- ' menial Type, we are prepared. execute every description"' Cards, Circulars Bill Heads, Notes Blank Receipts, JUSTICES, LEGAL AND OTHER BLANKS, PAMPHLETS, &c. Trinted with neatness and despatch, on reasonable terms AT THE OFFICE OF THE Jeffersoiiiaii Republican. From the Knickerbocker. 1 CI) XV TA PR A6PCRI OR, THE FATAL MISTAKE. i BY A. B. JOHNSON, ESQ. - Of the few overgrown fortunes that have been made in our country, the greater number seem to have fallen into the possession of naturalized cit izens rather than natives, notwithstanding the su perior'shrewdness with which our self-complacency is prone to endue Yankee intellect. Of our naturalized citizens, the French, with Girard as an exemplar, seem to have accumulated the larg est fortunes; and the Germans, with Astor in the foreground, seem to stand next in the grade of wealth accumulator, although possibly they may contend for precedence over the former class ; while the Scotch, with Robert Lenox at their head, or Duncan of Providence, or Greig ofCanandai gua may be unwilling to concede a pre-eminence to either of the others. Among the successful Germans, in a moderate way, one some years ago resided in Baltimore, who from the humble employment of a blacksmith, hadiarrived in the possession of a pretty large estate..-. How his name was pronounced and spelled in German is uncertain ; but it had become An glicised into the word 4 Heapupit.' He was an old man at the period of our last war with Great Britain, but still occupied in commerce, which oc casioned frequent visits by him to New York, where his present historian became accidentally acquainted with him at a private boarding house. As his humble origin was known to the boarders, they took an interest in the conversation of the old man, although his language and manners retained many traces of his early rough employments, but modified by a quickness of perception and shrewd ness of remark, which are apt to appear in self made men. He perceived that his conversation was listened to attentively, and he seemed grati fied with the homage thus given spontaneously to his sagacity; and he often remarked to young men, that the great point for a man to discover was what he was fit for; when this is learned, the pro gress of a man toward wealth becomes sure, though it may be slow. He was fond of adding in illustration, that he had lost much time fruitless ly as a blacksmith, before he discovered' that he was not fit for that business, but was for mercan tile pursuits. Hebegan merchandising and matrimony togeth- er. and to economise time and money turned a ne cessarv preliminary journey to Philadelphia into a ; VOL. wedding tour. The facilities for travel were not lked- Af,er lhe two had consulted together good in those days, and as he wished to enjoy the , a moment, one of them put on his hat and walked journey with his bride, he hired a one horse chaise, out of the shop, while .the other came back and in -which he and his wife left Baltimore on the j and said he had sent out for change. The mes mrirning of the wedding. The day was as bright senger soon returned, but brought with him an as the occasion, and the bride had tasked all her other Pe'son, who turned out to be a police offi plcuniary resources not to discredit by her dress cer ; and then Heapupit was informed that the the elevated position of a merchant's lady, into j bill was a counterfeit, and that he must be taken which she was emerging from a condition as hum- ! to the mayor's office to account for the manner in ble as'her husband's. She gloried in the posses- i whch he came by the bill, and to ascertain if there Sinn nf nea-oreen silk Delisse with a silk hat to i were any more in his possession. match ; and her appearance when thus arrayed and silting in the chaise, fully justified her judg-nfe'nt"!tn-their procurement. The happy husband was perhaps as proud as his wife, hut.his pride rejected externals and re w v- i o I joiced in a purse which, though not very large, yet: contained what with prudence would supply the expenses of the journey and obtain the few special , a sad difficulty at the time, and from which he ex articles of merchandise whose procurement con-! tricated himself only by going with his accuser's slituted the great object of the expedition. But! to the milliner's and fortunately obtaining her ad- everything in nature seems to conspire against pride. They had not travelled many hours in their open vehicle over an intensely dusty road, before the husband .saw with alarm that the dust was making fearful havoc with the fine habiliments ofrhis bride, and especially with ber hat. She had,' unconscious of the mischief, applied repeat-j us inmates, and the survivers of whom had them edly her moist hands, (the temperature was July) selves become old ; when accidently one of them, toVdjust the hat, as the current of air or the jolt-j in passing lately a few days at Baltimore, ascer- ing oi tne cnaise aisiurucu us piupei puaiwv, wu . pvprv.tnnrh had combined with the dust in leav ingthe .marks of her pretty fingers, distinctly and (ndelibly; jmprinted on the silk. Nor was that the whole mischief : the dust had insinuated itself in tOjalljthe seems and crevices of the hat and rib bons, and ,aiied by a soft, moisture exuded from arts beneath, the whole superstructure was so pitilessly mined, that when they arrived at Havre although owing to the great pumber pT his de de'Grace, where tlie night was to be passed, and jscendants, the share of each would amount taon whare some cousins of the bride resided, a new;ly sufficient for an eligible, commencement of h?became indispensable. The fortune of the wife fild 'teen expended on the bridal-dress, so the new hat had jpjbeproc.ured wth the jnopey pf, the nus bandcausijng .an.inroad thatiheia not anticipa ted ; but his gallantry ; .co.ngueealijsViirice, and he determined that the joys of the hoMeyraPon STHOUDSBURG, MONROE COUNTY, PA., THURSDAY, AUGUST 22, i860. should not be Irustrated by the accident. His res olution 'as happily seconded by finding at the on ly niilinei's shop in the little village a beautiful while hat, just suited for a bride, and which in-? deed had been made for one ; but the ccommo dating milliner could make another in sufficient season, and would even allow a trifle for the spoiled green ; hence, by an expenditure of some nine dollars, the breach of costume was repaired, and the bridal twain were again happy, and departed hopefully in the morning with an immunity against dust, for its wings had been dampened during the night, and its flying effectually prevented by a copious rain. Bright again was the sun, and gay the leave-la-king at Havre de Grace ; but the party had no sooner proceeded onward sufficiently far to ba be yond the reach of shelter, when the treacherous clouds began to rally their scattered fragments, and to open their renewed batteries on the way farers beneath ; and in spite of a leather top to the chaise, and a leather apron, the rain confeder ating with the breeze that seemed to raise forthe occasion, drenched both bride and bridegnom. In vain were hankeichiefs spread to shield the new hat ; they only broke down its artificial flowers, which, like dying dolphins, emitted various hues, till the original whiteness of the hat was almost undiscoverabie, and its paper crown and sides slouched over the wearer's head and face in shape less ruin. The result was too distressing for the fortitude of the bride, and yielding to the last re sort of female sufferance, she wept profusely and bitterly. The poor groom loved his money and had none to lose, nor had he been before aware of the ex penses and mischances of matrimony; but his wife must have a hat, and he accordingly satisfied his chagrin with a heavy malediction against hats that were fit for neither rain nor sunshine, and by vow ing that he would himself select the next hat at the first proper opportunity. This was not long in oc curring. They reached Philadelphia in the even ing without further misadventure, and as they pas sed a milliner's shop, on their way to their intend ed tavern, where they desired to make a fair ap pearance, they stopped, and he selected a Leghorn which gave sufficient indications of durability, without being devoid of taste or fashion. The su periority of his judgment in this selection, over the frail puschase of his wife, was so gratifying to his vanity, that with a very mitigate reluctance he handed to the seller a twenty dollar bill, receiving in return the new hat and a ten dollar note. Thus re-furnished, and with rather a craving appetite, they arrived at their destined hotel, where, after a warm and bountiful meal, they con cluded to stroll through some of the neighboring streets during the unoccupied time that remained of the evening. They passed several shops which both Heapupit and his wife looked at with consid erable interest ; he with reference to the shop, which he was to open at Baltimore, she with an eye to the many pretty things which were dis played at the windows. She at length saw some gloves, and remembered that hers were utterly ruined ; she had also money enough remaining of her own to purchase a pair, but she had left it at the tavern. With this intimation he offered to be her banker till their return to the inn, and they entered the shop and bought the gloves; pay ing therefor out of the ten dollar bill which had been received at purchase of the bonnet. The shopman looked at the bill and then at the queer customers and called another young man who al This sad climax of the adventure of the bonnet was a good joke to Heapupit in all after times, when, in the known posession of wealth, and the self-complacency of vanquished early difficulties, he could repeat it after dinner, as was usually his wont, whenever a good occasion occurred, and he wanted to amuse his guests or friends ; but it was mission mat me note was an oia counieneii which she had inadvertently, in the twilight, passed to the gentleman. After the war nothing further was heard of Hea pupit at the old house, and his shrewdness and his story were almost forgotten by all who had been lamw wiuv m -y r he had left his proporty to a large family ol chil dren, of whom two only were sons. When he found that his end was approaching, he sent for these sons, and as a last act of paternal .solicitude, told .them that his estate was.to be divided equally among his children, according to the provisions of m will that would be found ampnghis papers; and business, yet they severally could not fail of erect ing thereon a large fortune, if they would careful ly .cLonduot their business c-n the principle of a pre cept which he duly, for their edification, repeated, with all the. cunnjng emphasis .that hjs warding strength wvtjld permit. The precept tljus solemn ly heralded at the hour of death was sufficiently .characteristic of the old man's associations and continued illiteracy. It was nothing but the homely, vulgar distich : Tickle me Billy, do, do, do ; You tickle me, and I'll tickle you.' He declared its operation was founded in hu man nature and therefore infailiable, when the precept was prudently obeyed. ' He cautioned his sons against the vulgar error of striving to pros per by practices that are inconsistent with the prosperity of the persons with whom we deal. The true golden rule is, You tickle me, and I'll tickle you.' The man who acted thus would ob tain wealth if he perseveringly directed his efforts to that object The maxim was the key by which could be unlocked all the avenues to prosperity. The old man spoke to his sons in German, for that was the languge in which his thoughts flowed more fluently than in English. The young men had heard the lesson very many times before, but as this was to be the last infliction, they listened to it, as though they had heard it for the first time, and were astonished at its sagacity and freshness. Thus comforted in his tenderest vanity the old gentleman lay a short time silent and was dead. The literary education of the sons had been sad ly neglected, not from any censuablc indifference to the subject in the father, but from his want of knowledge. They had been taught to read a little which accomplishments, with some skill in the el ementary mles of arithmetic, he deemed by a con trast with his own deficiencies great attainments. The sons were not, consequently qualified for any higher employments than the mercantile traffic which had been followed by the father, and into which they had become partially initiated. They possessed, however, dissimilar intentions, for while Frederick, the elder, determined to contin ue the old commercial business of his father, and in the old shop, the other, Peter, intended to see something of the world before he established him self finally in any place and in any given occupa tion. He felt also a strong desire to see Germa ny, the native country of his forefathers, where many of his paternal relations were still supposed to exist ; and as they were known to be poor, Pe ter's vanity may possibly have desired to glorify itself a little by astonishing them with the splen dor of the American branch. His share of the pa ternal spoils was a tenth of the whole, and when reduced into money amounting to twenty thousand dollars, which, after a decent period of mourning, and with a view of killing two birds with one stone, he converted into cotton for the French market, and took passage with it in a ship for Havre, sor rowfully remarking to some of the cautious old friends of his father, who disliked these evidences of a roaming disposition, that grief was impairing his health, and that a change of scenery was abso lutely necessary for his spirits. To remain in the old shop he knew would kill him, and he wonder ed how his old brother could endure it ; though 1 Fred always possessed strong nerves, and could bear anything. The ship in which Peter embarked experienced a succession of the most favorable winds, but was , unfortunately standed on a fatal sandbar, almost in sight of its destined port, and after all thoughts of danger had been dismissed from the minds of the passengers. They were all saved except two who were washed overboard and drowned ; and most of the cargo was eventually saved and taken on shore by the lighters, but it was badly damaged by the salt water. This was a contingency against which Peter had guarded by any insurance, for where-he ventured his life he thought he might venture his property. His loss was large, and he felt it severely ; but at the commencement of life pecuniary losses are much mitigated by an exu berance of undefined hopes. He could not how ever, help occasionally reflecting that as yet the maxim of his father had been impracticable. No body had tickled him, though he felt keenly dis posed to tickle in return, according to the injunc tion of the adage ; that is nobody had conferred on him any benefit, which was the tickling that the adage meant, as he supposed, when interpreted literally. On the contrary, when the ship strand ed, intead of being tickled, every man on board re garded himself only, or seemed to vie with each other in throwing into the sea Peter's cotton, that the ship might be floated ; and when his damaged cotton was in a position to be sold, every purchas er exaggerated its defects and sought to obtain it ruinously low. His experience thus far, therefore was anything but propitious to his hopes ; while the steadily occurring diminution of his patrimony irritated all the latent avarice which his father's precepts had constantly fostered in him, and made him specially anxious that the tickling process should be commenced speedily. As soon as he realized from the wreck of his venture all that could be obtained, he hastened to Paris, in the expectation that a change of scene would produce a favorable change in the operation of his maxim; but at Paris his funds diminished even faster than at Havre, for he could not resist participating expensively in various novelties of that city of curiosities, in occasionally uniting in its more personal dissipations, and in becoming a victim to the swarm of sharpers, foreign and na tive, that make Paris their head quarters, and ev ery stranger their specfal ohject pf attack. Still he ceuld have bcrne equally these manifold de predations on his fortune, if he could have seen amid them a commencement of the process of be coming rich by reciprocation pf benefits ; and' fer such a cprnmenceiTjerit hissurgericy increased in a j direct prepprtfpn tp the decrease of his resources, X.ike the ancient spinster inynorlaHzed by Russel, ; the burben of whose Inquiries was, ' Why doiTt! the men proppse, mamma?'' so cculd he have sung as feelingly, " Why don't men tickle, papa His scul and all that in him yearned to exchange his silver franc pieces fur golden Napoleons, but nobody would commence the traffic ; and instead there of every hedy that he gamed with seemed intent en fleeceing him ; shnp keepers, servants and restaurateurs impesed pn him tp the extent pf their several pppprtunities ; while the mass of ppp ulation, who could in no way use him tu their ad vantage, spattered him with their equipages pr passed him witheut regard. Once indeed he be gan to believe that the tickling process was about to be commenced in the person of a very agreea ble young man, whom he met at a table d'hote ; and who seeing that Peter was a stranger courted his society assiduously. Peter was determined that he would interpose no obstacle to this auspi cious indication, and he repaid the young man's politeness by copious draughts of wine. The iwo shortly became inseparable companions, but as the new friend introduced him to pretty extensive practices, the tickling with which Peter requited his friend cost much more than the friend's origi nal tickle deserved ; and Peter's remaining funds were soon so far exhausted, that unless he pro ceeded forthwith toward Germany his chance of ever reaching it would be frustrated. He accord ingly lost no further lime, and as he had no cere monious congees to make, he paid his bills and stepped into a diligence, was soon on his route to wards Vienna, the residence of his kinsmen. The journey was long, and cost him much more than he had anticipated, and before he arrived at its termination he would have gladly retraced his steps homeward, but he feared his remaining mon ey would not supply the means, and when he fin ally reached Vienna, he was almost penniless. He lamented that he had ever left Baltimore, or that he had not returned thither before all his prop erty had become dissipated ; although he felt at his misadventures a degree of shame that might have restrained him from returning in his present condition had the ability been presented to him. He was fortunate in discovering his relations more readily than he could well have expected, but they were all situated in the lowest walks of life ; and although he was himself reduced to an equality with them in poverty, he almost repent ed, when too late, that he had acknowledged his consanguinity to so discreditable a kindred. From his external appearance, which greatly overrated hi3 true condition, and from rumors that reached them of the affluence of his father, they received him with diffidence and awe and with every de monstration of grovelling affected, but when, from indications that could not be long mistaken, they eventually found that he had as little to bestow on them as they had to bestow on him, they re mitted their respect, while ihey increased in good will and cordiality. Feeling no longer any rea son to believe that their poor provisions would be despised, they shared freely what they had with the necessitous wanderer, and made him as com fortable as their poverty would permit. While Peter was thus in the home of his ances tors, realizing the early condition of his progeni tors, his brother Frederick in Baltimore was en deavoring to establish himself gradually and slow ly in the mercantile business, to which he had been trained from early life. He, like his brother was looking hopefully to the precept which had been enjoined on them by their father, and he com menced the practice of it by hiring a good pew in the German Lutheran church, and in sending to the minister a large ham and turkey as a Christ mas present. When the good dominie was thus tickled he thought Frederick a very amiable yeung man, who merited the good offices of all right min ded, and he failed not to sneak thus of him to mem bers of the church, who in turn applauded htm to others, and his shop soon became the mart for the whole congregation, from a principle of esprit du corps, that often actuates small communities. Frederick lost no time also, in identifying himself with the German Benevolent Society, and at their annual festivals talking feelingly and copiously of the r ader-Land, not forgetting the more substan tial requirement of a liberal annual contribution to the society's funds. The members and officers of the society being thus tickled in a spot that is apt to be sensitive, failed not to tickle back again through the medium of his merchandise and cred it But he unexpectedly received another benefit. I he President of the society, an honest German of considerable wealth which he had acquired by patient industry, and despite ofthe want of all lit erature. was so pleased with his patriotism that Frederick ultimately became his son-in-law by a marriage with the old gentleman s eldest daughter td the no small increase of the young man's con sideration in Baltimore and prospective wealth. Nor did Frederick fail to patronize all the city newspapers by liberally advertising in their col umns ; and as no class of men understand better the process of cyou tickle me, and I'll tickle you,' than newspaper editors, they took every opportu nity to allude to him in their respective papers as their public spirited townsman, Heapupit, Esq., whose mercantile enterprise and integrity were an honor to the city. In due progression he emerged from the chrys alis condition of a retailer to the splendors of a full jobber, and no man was ever more friendly than he to the country dealers who resorted to Balti more for their supplies of merchandise. If the dealers were ynung and gay he attended them to the theatre, and if they were old he invited them to a seat in his pew. He seemed to feel toward all his country dealers the same intuitive love which a cat feels towards catnip, and they could do no less in return for so much kindness than to give him their custom and recommend him to the neighbors. As he continued to be economical in his expen ses and prudent in his credits, and omitted no op portunity of tickling persons who could tickle back again advantagepuslv, he gradually but steadily in creased in property. His family grew also, with his other possessions, and he came to be surroun ded with numerous children, while he in the per petual engrossment of business lost all record of the flighl of time, and seemed unconscious that he was no longer so young as formerly. But although he could josa sight of time, time took care not to lose sight of him, but stealthily kept tally of the fleeting years by whitening his hair, imprinting wrinkles at the outer corners of his eyes, and in creasing his rotundity, until he was to every eye but his owp, a portly old gentlemajv His father-in-law had been dead some years, and he was' one pf the executors pf the deceased will, and a leg atee of ho inconsiderable portion of the estate. ; In this Jiabyon period of his existence, when he aV well satisfied with himself, and by conse- i - Nor quence well satisfied with'the wcrld, and-all that therein is. he began to think of his brother, of whom he had not heard since they separated. He knew tho ship had been stranded in which Peter sailed, and that some of the passengers were drowned, and he always supposed his brother was one one of the lost. By a coincidence which is far from uncommon, while he was thus musing on his brother, a letter from him was brought to the store, announcing that he had long been in Vienna in the most deplorable destitution, and craving as sistance to enable him to return to Baltimore. This was a case in which if Frederick tickled ever so much he could expect no lucrative return; still avarice had not rendered him wholly callous to the ties of consanguinly, and he forthwith an swered the appeal of his brother by sending him a, bill of exchange, with the proceeds of which, if managed prudently, he could come home. The meeting of the brothers, which in due time occurred afforded a surprise to both as far as per sonal appearance was concerned. They had sep arated as young men, and they had met as old men. Still they soon recognized each other's ear ly lineaments, and amused themselves by the re hearsel of early incidents. But what most aston ished Peter was the wealth of Frederick; and what most astonished Frederick was the poverty of Pe ter, especially as both professed to have been gov erned in their conduct by the great maxim of their father. On an explanation, however, the mystery became solved. Poor Peter had committed a fatal mistake. He had never tickled any person, but had waited to have them tickle first ; while Fred erick had practised on the plan of tickling in ad vance, and especially those who could tickle back again with many per cent, of advantage. The op posite results ofthe two modes were well exem plified in the different destiny ofthe brothers ; and in view of this difference, which communicated an entirely new idea to Peter,he insisted that the maxim was wrongly worded, and that instead of reading : Tickle me, Billy, do, do, do !' the maxim ought to read : I tickle you, Billy ; see, see, see ! I'll tickle you, and you tickle me V In his donation to his unfortunate brother, he seemed to be disinterested, but he derived there from an intellectual pleasure, which was more than an equivalent for the pecuniary expenditure. And now that he had obtained a taste of the pleas ures that result from benevolence, a desire there for grew in him fast, and he gradually extended gratuities to numerous objects where no pecunia ry return seemed possible ; but very unexpectedly to him he found that many of these cases would either collaterally or directly result in larger pe cuniary rewards than his most selfish ticklings. This was trikingly exemplified in the assistance which he occasionally made to his brother, who, enfeebled by dissipation and disappointed earlyl hopes, had brought home a constitution as enfee- bled as his purse. Frederick had long supported him comfortably, when on-the formation ol a new settlement made in the vicinity of Baltimore by the Canton Company, the counsel ofthe company dis covered that a piece of land, which was essential to the project, was owned (unknown to everybody) by the heirs of old Heapupit, and it had to be pur chased, and it brought a large sum of money. Peter's share was more than sufficient to repay all advances which Frederick had made for him and to leave an ample sufficiency for his own support. But as usual, when blessings come late they are not long enjoyed, and Peter, after a very brief re alization of his new prosperity, was afflicted with appoplexy and died, but not before he had be queathed his property to Frederick, who alone substantially sympathized with his necessities. Finally, Frederick found himself possesed of a much larger estate than had ever been owned by hi3 father. He had long been respected as a prosper ous man with large wealth but with sordid views. He now began gradually to acquire additional res pect, by reason ofthe active benevolence that his later actions developed, and by several disinter ested benefits he conferred on his city. He even tually retired from commercial business, resigning the establishment to his sons, and employed a still vigorous old age in the various cares that attend ed the due investment of his property, and em bracing every opportunity to make himself useful. He aided all worthy public enterprises, contribu ted to all useful charities, assisted all meritorious individuals who resorted to him for counsel or pecuniary aid, and to his last moment (which occurred only a year ago) he insisted that the maxim of his father was a true guide to prosperi ty ; but that whoever would attain the full benefit its practice can insure, must perform the tickling from no mercenary or selfish motive, but simply fiom a principle of duty toward Goo, and of good will toward all mankind. He was a good deal vain-glorious of his discovery, which he thought entirely new ; and he was almost sorry when af ter repeating it one day with his usual self-complacency, he was told that it was as old as the Bi- ble, being plainly included in the promise, that 'he that watereth shall be watered,' and ' the liberal soul shall be made fat.' SHED NOT A TEAR. Shed not a tear o'er your friends early bier, w hen 1 am gone, i am gone. Smile if the slow tolling bell you should hear,'". When 1 am gone, I am cone. Weep not for me when you stand around my crave. Think who has died his beloved to save, Think of the crown all the ransomed shall wear, JJ When I am gone, 1 am gone. . " a? - Shed not a tear when you stand round my grave When 1 am gone, 1 am gone. Sing sweet song unto him who doth save, When i am gone, 1 am cone, . , Sing to the Lamb who dn earth once was slain -Sing to the Lamb who in Heaven doth reien,! Sing till the world shall be til I'd with his namesSMs When I am gone, I am gone. m g Plant ye a tree that will wave over me, "... , ,af When I am gone, 1 am gone- Sing ye a song, if my grave you should see, , . hen 1 am gone, 1 am gone. .. Come at the close of a bright summer's day,.r Come when the sun sheds its last glimmering ray, t- - -I .T.l uome ana rejoice mat l tnus pass away, W ien 1 am gone, 1 am gone. The Arabs altaw a man to divorce himself from wife who dpe3 not make good bread. Were , such a law in force in our country, half the younir married lame, we iear, wouiu De inf uasger ,ot falling back into single blessedness. ..: 'f In a.country paper, the marriage ofaJMr. Coap- er toJVMiasL. Staves announced. Thejsuljpi will probably be-barrels v' T . 4
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers