Bradford Republican. (Towanda, Pa.) 1875-1892, December 08, 1881, Image 1

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111
HOLCOMB & TRACY, Publishers.
•
VOL. VII.
B radford Republican,
riushau. , eye!" . Thursday at Towanda, Pa.,
14. 11%11.c%%%1i: TRACY, Prop rietors.
• • -
paid iu advance. $l.OO per annum ;
1. it maid its Branca $1.25. To subacribera out
t.th,:zocutl, $1,25. invariably in etylttice, the
aa & L ou i.eiqg made to cover prepayment of
t.gr.
IMI
Adortisiii Bates :--Six cents a line for Arst
11,,,rtical, au t Ave cents per line for all iiribazu
ut int,rtylna. Beading notice advertlying
- to , 0 . nta p. r line. Fight lines constitute a
and (waive lines an - inch, Auditor's
~tic Z 's V 2.50. Administrator's and Ittecutor°l
i yearly advertising $150.00 per
TUE iii:PIIBLICAX Is pubiLslied In theTY.
goon and Nobles Block, at the corner of Mit
awl Nue atrerts, over J. E. Coffee. Boot and
Shat itoru. Its circulation is over 2000. As an
aasertisiui; medium it is unexcelled in its irn.
moliate lir .1„
-
Our i tubbing Terms.
furnish - tai paying tramicribera for
itcrrimicart within the county with any
of tte publications, until further
Lotiee, at the rates given below.
•
Tae ItcrunicaN $l.OO in addition.
~ertoers residing out of the county will
eeuts additional.
:5;..! , i - Vtlrk Weekly Times,.... • . ..... $ 95
5,. 1 ,,,-Weekly Time 5,...."... - . 2 30 '
New lurk Daily Tribune,, 9 25
We,•kly " 100
S. 'hi -Weekly _ " 260
Nov Yolk Daily Evening Post,
8 00
" Weekly " " .'.. 115
Ai
~,m-Weekly 14 2 25
St.w lurk Weekly World, ..... ~.... 100
Semi -Weekly " .., 190 •
Philadelphia Daily Times, 5 65
• Philadelphia Weekly Times, 1 30
Philadelphia Daily- Press, 8 00
Putlatie!tibia Weekly : Press, .. ... .. 1 0
Harper's Magazinei. —, ' ~ 3 1
10
Ilarp,r's Weekly, 1 - • - 325
Ilarver'i , Bazar, - 325
Bc.ribtier's llontlily,i.... ' 3 25
tit. NicLolas, - - 250
Appleton's Jourual;.... 2 85
with steel engraving of Dickens.. 8 10
Popular Science Monthly - 400
Supplemeut,.... 250
Magazine of American 'History 4 00
' North American Review. 4 00
5..4 York Medical Journal, 3 25
American Agriculturist, ' 1 10
Comitry Gentlemen , . , 2lO
Rural New Y0rkei,..,... 185
Toledo Blade, -- • 160
Littell's Living Age, 7 00
Atlantic blot:ably, - , .. 325
Wide Awake, 1 66
Ragland,'''. - 60
Lippincott, S 25
Demoresti - 2 50
Gurley, - 165
Scientific American, ' - - . 275
Petersop's.Magazine, 1 60
The Nursery, , -.. 1 20
_Farmer's Review - ' 1
• Burlington - Rawkeye, - 1 50
- New England Journal of 'Education.. 9 t'
li•qlall's Treatise on the Horse
A rriyal and Departure of Maibh
lfaila arrive and depart at the Towanda Post,
432.1..0 as follows:
Phil., R. Y., and Eastern States
Dashore, Lapoyte, 6:c
1.. V, way m ail from the North
s.6,9 , hequiu &c
Ner: Ent. &C.. Tuesday, Thursday and
sstnnia . y., .....
WednesdAy mid
11;iday
Tray. Ilsurlington. kc
Rome, ko 1!00
awed pouch from Erie and FOR Rs 2:30
L. V. way mail from the South.— . 4:35
ovaba. /cc 5100
.12,re rity 8;31:1
CI oseid vouch from Elmira and E ft It 10:40
11121:2
tau ton, Montoeton. !cc ... . ..... ~.... 9:00 a. at.
l.,lligli Valley way roll' Sorith...i 9:IS
t. 1, , s e 4 pouch Elmira, Erie and North
'ern Central Bailroads 10:00
Troy, Burlington, tio 10:00
hhesuequin, So 12:00 at:
.
Larclay 1:00 P. Y.
Nov Era, Tuesda.y Thursday and Sat. ,
urday... ,10:i0
Asylum, Monday, Wednesday and ..- ' '
Friday i • . 1:00
Lella`yerille, Rome, s:c 1:00
Puatore, kc.... 2:45
I.elligh Valley way mall North ' --
9:45
ew Vnrk Phila. sad Eastern States. 7:45
•,:11.-., open from 7:00 s. te. to 7:45 P. Y. Money
.:timer office open from 8:00 A. tr. to 7:00 P. Y.
office open on Sunday from 9:00 to 10:00 A.*.
P. Po WELL. P. M.
ThGH VALLEY 4 PENNA. AND
NEW YORK RAILROADS.
ARRANGEMENT OF PASSENGER TRAINS
TO TAKE EFFECT ML 15, 1880.
EASTWARD.
. STAINS.
~r ee . ••• '
ftre '1
i.
!.._.
.
1P.31.1A.U. A.M.
P.M.
Niagara Fells 1 2.051 7.20 1 7.16
Builato • 2.501 - 8.25 1 9.20
Rochester 1 5.1 a 10.30 .....
Lyons a.raIIZOL ..„ ... ..
Elenevs ' .4.54 1 11.55 1 -... .....
- -Ithaca. a.ss l 1.1108.3 it.....
Auburn 5.101 8.05 1
Owego... 9.00 10.50 1 . .
Elmira 9.101 IASI 6:iii WI!
Waverly 9.45 2.10 9.40 4.11
Sayre 110.10 2.0010z0 i.:
Athens 11.0.151 2.3410.05 CI
514150 10.15 ....
i
Meter, lo . 2s .. .
I-Jnauds t 04613.001043 50!
Wyssuking . 1 , .1.110.54 a. -
- St-andiug Stone .. ... 11.03 ...
Ruunnerfteld . .....1.••.• 11.10 1' 5.2i
irenchtown.. ...... : ... ....1 ..... . .111.164.•. ,
Wyalusing . 1 i.• 16 11.30 i iS.il
Lacerville 111.111 3.54111.49 1 6. 0 :
skluner's Eddy 1 I 11.531 G.o
Mesboppen 1 1 4.10 { 12.1 0) 6.2
Stelteopeny ~....112.16 6.7
f l uuktunnock 12.25 4.35 1.00 Ti
•
LaGrange - 1.10 7.!1
~ 1 alle ..... 1.25 7.
i. t. 11 Juncuon .. ..... ..... 1 1.05 6.101 1.45 8.
w.lk. A.Rarre.... - , 1.55 5.25 2.20 8.
Slaucn Chunk .. I 3.45 7.30 4.60 U.
Allentown . 14.44 8.24, 5.53 12:
lie - tnleb.ena 5•00138•35, 6.0512•.
Easton 5.301 9.00 6.40,12.1
Pli Lia,lelphia.... 6.55'10.351 8.251 2.7
Sew York 8.05, I 9.151 3.7
A.M. P.M. P.M. P.l
WESTWARD.
STATIONS.
how 'York
Puiladelphla
Elsa ton ......
hothlehern
Allentown
Mauch. Chunk..
Wilke a.llarre...
L LI Junction
Falls ....
LaGrange.......:.
TnuLLautiock
Steil ooßany
Sizinuer's • • • • * l '
Lace yville
Wyalusing ........
Ernudatown.
Itunanaerneld
standing 5t0tt5.........
Wysmuking
Towanda
Plater
Athena .......... ~„
Siky re
Waverly - •
Elmira
t/WegO
Auburn...
Ithaca
Geneva
Lyons ... . •
liocileater
Buffalo
Niagara Ealle
I ti.oo ,
.. 1 9.20 1
9.50 1
10.051
....... ...'11.05
1,35
No. 32 leaves Wyatt:sing at41:00, a. M., Preneh.
lawn 4.14, Rummer:leld 6.23,Btanding Stone 611
Wtsuuklng GAO. Towanda 6.53. Mater 7.06,
iltlst 7:16, Athena 1:25. Sayre 7:40, Waver
1Y 7:55. arriving at Elmira 8:50.
No:31 laves llmirsls:4s P. IL. Waverly 6:35,
Sista G:l5, Athena 6:50. Milan 649, Ulster 7:06,
Towasda 7;23, Wyssuking 715. Standing Stone
7.11. Rommerneld 7:52, Prettebtown 8:04.. arrlw
mu at Wpinaing at 8:1.5.
1 rains 8 and 15 run daily. Sleeping ears on,
t a and 15 between Nina" labs and
PMb
detpltta and between Lyons and New York with•
out changes. Parlor we on Trains 2 and 9
between Magus 'Ma and Philndelphis with•
out change, and through coach to and fiVl3
I:4:wheats: via Lyons.
STEVENSONEvt.
savr.t. Pa., May 15,1881. k 16: x !. X. a.
•
Liontit luile t intik Id
Prices showier thin tbs they
WYBOZ.PA
Toaratida Bistnep DtrOory:::,
Arroßik SFS- Ar-Law.
SMITH & HILL/ 1 3, 40torneys4I-Law; Op,
over k Co.
(CLIFF. J. N.. Althea to Wood's Block. south
No Rest Stational Bank, up stairs. Juoo 12.18
LBBRIEB do SON (N C Eisbree and L Asbrre.)
E
•Office LA Kercur Block. Park Bt. ma 714,78
MA; MILTON VW I P -41 - ei and D Orr-
I. Moe over Mira Market 49'79
MERTON k SANDERSON (H
Orerto• and "As
OPSanderimi (Main /mmo atlek.barTS
AXWELL. Wit. Office Oil? toyfon's Store
• &pi-1114.76
. •
WILT. 4. ANDII.FIV. 0124.1 a Mesa's' Slosh
apt 14.76.-.:
M 4; YLES, CARNOCILLE HALL. (W. T Dacia.
. 1 • 7 vra Canso:has; L AI" Mal.) Mice in - rear'
4.1 Ward House. Entrance on Poplar St. ae12.115
MITMk WONKY A. Solicitor of Patents.
arUcular attention paid to business in
Orphans' Court and to the aCttlement of estates.
Mos in Siontanye's 4949
?a °PHERSON & YOUNG, (1. McPherson awl
ML W.L Young.) OBlce south side of liercnion
Block. lob MS
AKADILL & KINNEY, Office corner Kim and
LY•B.I tna st. Noble's block. second, floor trout.
CaUnctions promptly attended.to. teb 118
VTILLIAME. ANGLE BUFFINGTON. (11 )1"
Wallows, E J An& and D BselagtosiL
Offfoa west aide of Main street. two doom north‘
of Argos office. All ttudness entrusted to their
care will receive prompt attention. oct 26.77
MASON k THOSIPSON. (O. P. Mum. S. 4.
am& Tkozsiison,) Attorneys.at.Law: BPeolla-ot•
0 1010 0 to eolivolonring, examination of. title
and all matter relating to real estate. Collar.;
glens promptly remitted. Caw over Patch lk
Tracy!a store. • . warlo43l.
JAMBS H. ANDJOICVN. CODDDW, Attot
*nye and CotusselloreAt-Law. 00Ice In the
Berens Block, over C. T. Elrb,T's Drug Store.
• Suly 3, 'SO ti.
17PESEY, J. P. Attorney -It-Law. OSlco• in
.16n. Iliontanye's Block, Main Street.
Sept. 15,
rriIIOMPSON, W. H. and 3. A.. Attorneys-at
Law, Towanda, Pa. Office in Marcus Block.
over C. T. Eirby's Drug Store, entrance on Main
street, first stairway north of Post-office. All
businesspromp_tly attended to. Special atten
tion given to claims against the United States
for PensloLe. Bounties, Patents. etc., and to
collections and settlement of decedent's ester.
April 21. 17 •
JOHNSON. T. D., M.D. °Mee over Dr. IL C
Porters's Drug Store. feb 12,78
MERTON, Drs. D. N. &1.0. Mee at Dingling
lA on River Street, corner Weston St. tab 19,77
LAMD, O. K.. M.D. °Moe Lt door above old
bank building. on Main street. gpseLsl at
tention given to diseases .of the throat and
lungs. 311159.78
IWOODSI3ItI3. S. M.. M.D. Mies sad resi
dence. Main street. north ot M-.E.Church.
Medical Examiner for Pension De osrtntent.
- teb22.78
•
rIATNE. E. Office over Mantaxiye's
4. Stare. Office hours frOm 10 to 11.8.5. sad
tram 2 to 4 P. It: Special: attention given to
Diseases of the Eye, sad I:diseases of the Ear.
oct 20.77
rrENRY HOUSE. Main at.. - fiext &corner south
of Bridge street.' Hew house and new
furniture throughout. The proprietor has
spared neither pains or expense, in making his
hotel first-class and respectful} - 10Hulis $ •Lure
of public patronage. Heals at aU hours. Terms
reasonable. Large Stable attached.
mar 8 77 WH. EMMY.
4.00 4. ig
9.30
10,00
11:00
MEI
WATKINS POST. 1.i0. - 68. G. A. It. Meets
every Saturday evening, at Military Hall.
; GEO, V. MYER., Commander.
J. R. Krrramor, Allis/ant. _ !et, 7, 'l9
1 :00 P. Id
CISTAL LODGE. NO. 57. , Sleets at N. of P
Bell every Monday, evening at 7:30. Ia
sonnet $2,000. Benefit' p.OO per week. Aver
'go anew coat, 5 years everienoe. $ll.
Z .
EtTrItIDGE. acrokr.
Stew WAnners.. Jn., Dictator- - • -
BRADFORD LODGE. N 0.167,. 1 67, I. 0. 0. F. Meet
in Odd Fedlow's Bill. aver/ Monday evening
&t 7 o'clock. • Wannsit Buz, Noble Grand.
June 12,15
'POST. F. E. No. 32 Second street. All orders
a; - will receive prompt attention. June 12,7 k
RYAN, G. W., County Superintendent. Office
days last Saturday of each (month, over .
Turner k Gordon.' Drug Store. Toivanda Pa.
iuly 19,78
O n trEQUEEIKENA COLLEGIATE OSTITUTE.
h. , The Fall Term of twenty-eight year cona r
:peaces on Monday, October slat, 1881. Forests
love or other Information, address or call 91
the Principal. I •
Lily 19.78
00SSELL. 0. S. General Insurance Agency,
.15 Ln Towanda. P. cats in Whitcomb's Book
Store. jnlyl2.l;
•
ao
.$4
••• friolfNEß. If. Ti..
1103e201fATIIIC PECINECUS & 8172011 Mr.
Residence and office just north of Dr. Corbon's
is Vein street. Athens. Ps.
NEW FIRM I NEW STORE!
NEWSOM 1 ,
i [d.,Midestiii
I a
30 I 1!
I
6.30'
A. 21.4-31 IP.
' I 7.413 1 3.
• ..... 9.00 4.
1 ..
10.15 5.
1 . .. 1 10.45 6.
1 ..
10.54 0.
111.65 I.
F. 00! 2.03 9.
I 6.25' 2.25 10.
1 7.02 i ....110.
1.%.. 10.
7.33 1 5. 0310.1
7.57-. .IL.
8.011 3. 28
It.'
8.19; ....Ill.:
8.2313.46 11.1
8,43 4.03 11.!
8.551
•...112.1
9.0 a t -12.1
940 1 • -. 1 ,12.1
9.191 • 112.1
19.30; 4 43 12.4
~, 9.431 4.5512.!
19.52; .... 1.1
4.30 10.001 6.i 1.1
4.40110.11i1 5120 1
1
' .l
1 43'40.20 5.30 1.:
5.2511.10 6.15 2.1
3.391 .... 0.25 .; ,
6.30 f . !.. .0. 55 • •
5.10' ila 6.40 ~,
7.41 5.00 8.14 ..
8.40 . i 8.50 ..
9.50 t 7.40 i 9.40 ..
21,40 12.06 It.t
1 1.031 i 1.08 9.4 k
PX. P,III. IX. A:II,
PATiON'S BLOCH
( With Swarts & Gorden's Store
'4 , 4. • 1
Main Street, Towanda, Pa.,
DC
Dm
GY6fili — fa - Ws
-0--'-
I JS
HOTELS.
SECRET soctEnss.
HOUSE AND SIGN PAINTING
BOVVATIONAL
EDWINE. 4—to
PLUMBER ,AND GAS FITTER.
wytiriAstFl. EDWARD. Practical Plurciber„
and Qua Fitter. Place of business in Mei
= Block nest 'door to Journal office o ppos ite
Public Square. Plumbing, Oss Fitting,
rig Pumps of all kinds. and all kinds of Oearing
promptly attended to. All wanting work in his
ne should give him a call. Silly SIM
INSURANCE
MISCELLANEOUS.
DLEVaII UOTIBE,ELSIIRL, 11. T. C. T. Smith.
formerly of the 'Ward Fiona% Tovrands, Pro:
prietor. This Hotel is located immediatly
opposite the railroad depot, Every pains taken
for the comfort of guests, 5n175,11
(Formerly with Ilendeynan,)
lIAS OPENED A
Jewelry Store
OF MS OWN
is e Where he keeps a FULL . AI22OIIE.IMIT or
09
a il Gold & Silver Watches
SWISS AND AMERICAN;
El CLOCKS, JEWELRY,
SPECTACLES, ETC.
..
.. /fir His Stock 4 all NEW and of the:FINEST
.. ()Mai. OW and see for Yourself.
OD
REPAIRING DONE PROMPTLY.
t - •
EI4OIIWIDIG SPECILLTY.
4 •-:,A
S.
ICENDAWS SPAM CURE
Is sue in its - effects, mild In its action as it does
not blister. yet is penetrating and powerful to
reach every deep seated pain or to remove any
bony growth: or other enlargements. snob is
swifts. splints. curbs. callous. sprsins,
loge and anylemenees and sit . =kluge:neut. ot
the joints or limbo. or in rheumatism in man 1
and for any purse for which a liniment is used
for man or bust. /I is, new known to be the
beat liniment for mat over vaed.setiog mild and
yet certain in its effects.
Send address for Illustrated Ciretda which
we Oink gives positive proof of its virtnes. No
remedy Melva:melt With such unitwslititd
emu to our knowledge. for beast as - well
$
men:
Price $1 per bottle. ot sir totUes tor $5. AU
Droggists Uwe Itor am get it for yen. or it will
bo sent to any address on reoeipt of price by the
proprietors; Va. B. J. Samos& & Co.. Eno.
burgh rano. ,
Debi by in Druggists.
• CUM
UM -
OMIT
lii E
• •
C U
__kiktefie,e;
Ague s swieurna-
Wimp /prop*, earl Dieetuie,
loWenesiVNerveus debility, ete.
rho ItostptitlN =ON to Man!
111,000,000 Bonito,
,
This Syrup passesses Varied .Properties.
It Stimulator the Ptyalin' In the
Saliva, which converts the Starch and
Sugar of the rood into glucose. , A del.
cleat,' In Ptyalin" cameo Wind and
Searlag of the rood In the stoarseh. Ii
the medicine is taken Inevesdiatelyaties
eats
the fermentation of Sled is pre.
It acts ofa Ow Liget%
It acts. ite.lifil wd dtusw.
It. the Stood. • -
e
It the 'ergots. Itysilonsw •
A matte Dtkpatkna. .
- It Newish" St ettautitetta toad Istgeorstas
It tarries er emi Ord Mood and asahar net
n mow the penes"! tire skin end induces
away Perspiration. i i
It neutralises thehereditatrorpoisas
inalood•wbisil generates ols . Err
el sadallnianner of skin diseases and
1 in humors.
There are no spirits employed in its, mann.
lactems ort can be taken by the most dell
eats babe s by tbe aged and feeble, comma/
being sequin ed is attention re directions.
lIIITGOISTS WELL IT.
Laboratory, 77 Weiit a 4 f4r,
Ashland, Bcbnyhil co.. Pt.
Desk' Bir:—This it to certiO that your INDIAN
BLOOD BYRUP hie benefited I sue more. after a
short trial. than ell the medicine I have used
for 15 year ,
Dear have used your excellent INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP for Disease pt the Stomach, and
it has proved to be a valuable medicine.
3lns. J. Armax.
Nervous 'Debility.
. Turtle Point, lickean co.,
Dear Sir:—l was troubled with Nervous De.
billy and partial Paralysis, for , a number 01
years, and obtained no relief until I used your
INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP, * short trial of which
restored me to health.
Dear Str:—Sly little girl was mired of Inflam
mation of the Face and Eyes, by the use of your
reliable INDIAN-41MM SYRUP. A physician
had previously failed to afford relief and it was
thought that the child could not live. Its neck
and breast was entirely covered with Scrofulous .
Sores, which' are now entirely gone. -
- s Waanme Swim. -
Sure Cure for ,Liner Complaint
Dear Sir;—Tkds T ra t o in
ftint.
McK y . ean r e : " P 4 . lf .
BLOOD SYRUP has t o c ertify
me p o f
Liver Complaint and Dyspepsia, after the'doe
tors failed.
Remedy for the Rhenmatlom.
• Turtle Polak McKean* co., pa,
Dear Str:—l have used your excellent INDIAN
BLOOD SYRUP for Elbenuotism and Liver Com.
plaint, and have detived great relief therefrom,
Dawn Snetson.
An Agent's Teilimony.
Tdrtle Point, McKean co., P.
• Dear Sir was a lifelong sufferer from Liver
Complaint until I used your great INDIAN
DLOOD SYRUP. from, which I soon obtained
permanent relief. : I also And the Byrnp to be a
valuable Dora Regulator.
Hamm C. Eftuesos.
•
A. Vidnabie Medicine.
Berlin. Somerset CO.. Pa.
Dear Str:—This is to certify that your reliable
INDIAN BLOOD SYRUP is the best medicine
ever used in my ismily. Roping the public will
be beneAted by this great remedy, I take great
pleasure in giving mY testimony of its value...-
Josses P. Baussiir.n.
!MI
lIINLkN
Dyspepsia and Indigestion.
--, 7 Berlin, Somerset Co., Pt.
Dear rite pleasure in recenuesedlett
your. INDI&N BLOOD SYRUP as the best medi
cine made: People who are Dyspeptic should
not tall to give it a trial. For tue Stomach it
bas no equal. I haveltued it and know It to be
a valuable medicine,-
'Barns EXIINUSCINB.
Berlin; Somerset Co., Pa.
Dear Sir:—l was. troubled pith Liver. Com
plaint for • long time, and by the persuasion of
your Agent, I commenced taking your excellent
INDIAN BLOOD STlCUP.uhich has greatly baie
ated me. 1 have never found any medicine to
equal it, and r e metly say tt is a safe and
highly valuablemedy.
Berlin, Somerset Co., Pa.
Sear was &Mated with a Pala .tn my
Breast and Side. and when I would Se down, I
could sanely breaths for Pain, I was also very
weak in my Breast and Lungs. I used some of
your INDIAN BLOOD SIRUP and am now sear.
lone
well. My Lungs are strong ones more and I
am very grateful to 70u for such a valuable
remedy.
• - • Philadelphia, Ps.
Dear Slr:—This is to certify that your Talus.
ble OMAN BLOOD SYRUP has cured me-of
Dyspepsia snd Indigestion, which I had, been
afflicted with for years. . •
'Or.eisol M. Erslor.
. .
• •
For Kidney Diseases.
Philadelpbfa, -Pa.
Dear Sir:—l wbs subject to severs Pains in my
Kidneys, Weakness and Painful Sick litaillae,
for years. and Wed to obtain relief. until I was
induced to try your reliable INDIAN BLOOD
SYSUP.s abort Arial of which restored nt•
perfect kealtb.
No. 1525 Bartram St,
Philadelphia; 'Pa.
Dear Sir:—lvras troubled with Costivenes and
Headache, sod the nee of your INDIAN BLOOD
SYRUP proved moat beneficial to roe. the
best Medicine I ever need. 1
Jas. Dawn.
No.Bll Federal fit. I.
For Blitiononeso.
Philadelphia. Pa. •
Dear Sir: —I. was befitted with DPlPeOelik sad
BUlionsness for years, and dined to procure re.
lief until I began using your INDIAN BLOOD
SYRUP, which soon - effectually relieved me. I
take great pleasure in recommending Its use to
the afflicted.
FILM T. Goma;
Uwast St
Disease of the Stomach and, Liver. "
_ • Bushell. Pike CO., Ps.
' Dmir 131r:—.This is to eerti4 that I have used
your INDIAN BLOOD SUM' for Disease of the
Stomach mid Liver, and hsva
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Dear filet-1 tome used your great lIIDIAIf
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Dear Bir:—f daughter:... Da , Poor, Width
and ••shoat triel of lone Illman Dungy gum
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BLOOD
ACWINTS ' ot WANrE the D W I" the ils"
MVP to wen tows
no WI& ‘POlnolthno W est toMPUrsoola•
THE EBB AND FLOW.
The tide slips up the silver shore,
Dark‘nighi and rosy' day;
It brings sea-treasures to the land,
Then bears them all away.
On mighty shores ftom east to west
It wails, and gropes. and cannot rest.
O Tide. that Mid doth ebb and tow
Through nightto golden day : • . •
Wit, learning, beauty, come and • ,
Thou &Wel, thou tak'st away. .
But sometime, on some gracious shore,
Thou shall he still and ebb no more. ;
• If2le ' n M. Hutchinson.
WS PORTNAJtr OP NEB.
Here is the face of my lady, ,1 `
Her face with its smile divine,
Her eyes, with theft grave intentness,
And their:thy, proud look at mine.
O mouth, you are firm yet tender,
Your tones may be cold r "or mild,
yoti may keep back a daring lover,
Yet comfort a grieviag child.
•
You are pure atel - fair as the es, '-
You are bright as the July so n;
You are grave and gay by flashes,
You are roman and paint in One.
—Kale L. Brown, in Boston 'Val/script
JOHN'S LITTLE JOKE.
" 'Well, I 'scum P exclaimed Uncle
Phil Wheeler, in his his characteristic
Gray, floishicg the speech with a pro
longed, whistle. •
-*What is the matter, UnelePhil 7
- 'Rey
'What's the matter ?'
'Why, your aunt Susan just bought
another bureau
The speakers were Mr. Philip Wheel
er, commonly called Uncle Phil, and
his handsome, l devil-may-care nephew,
John Landon. Uncle Phil was stand
ing under the big brown horse•chestnut
tree, whittling a new handle for his
hammer, when a bay wagon containing
a bureau, stopped before the gate.
'Whose bureau's that ?' I demanded
Uncle Phil.
'lt'a for Bliss Wheeler.' was the an•
surer.. 'She bought it dovin at Squire
ThomSe'S auction.' -
'Well, I IMUM
John Langdon, just coming from the
woodhonse armed cap•a pie, with rod
and line, heard the exclamation and in
qu,red the cense.
'So Aunt Susan has: bought another
bureau, has she ?' be resnariled, aft*r
moment's scrutiny of that 'awful piece
of household furniture. say, Uncle
Phil, where is she going•to,Put it r .
'Hey ?' ejaculated Uncle Phil, staring
bard at his nephew over his silver=
bowed specs.
'Where is she going to put it ?'
• Unell Phil shook his bead and redcw
ed his whining.
'l'm blamed if I kcow,' ho said at
last. 'I reckon 'twill have to set atop
of snmthing, for I don't believe therels
f icwlrMA f2l, in th ;
I shall protees against a fourth,' laughed
John. %Ault Swan,' addressing ,thut,
lady, who Lppeared on the - 'piazza to
superintend the removal Of her newly
acquired treasure from the cart tothe
house, where are .you going to put that
thing ?'
John, if you want ; it. why of
course you can have it; buti I did think
I'd put it in the battery, it would be so
hanoY — '
'By all means,' interrupted John;
'the buttery is just, the place for it;
three are as many as I can occupy, inas
much as I only brought a band-beg
along on my , little visit. If you were
to give me a fourth, I should be reduc
ed to the necessity of remaining in bed
in order to use it.'
'Oh, go away, 'you rogue; cried his
aunt, looking lovingly kt him; 'arm
stop laughing at your old Untie. Here
you,' in alarm to the driver. 'Take
care there, you'll have that leg off I'
Hold on to the glass I My I my I How
careless you be I'
After much anxiety on Aunt Susan's
part; 'hair breadth escapes on the bu
rean's, and a good deal of harmless
swearing, such as, 'I snum l"hy golly r
etc., on Uncle Phil's, the old ; bureau
was at last deposited in the buttery,
where it took up just three inahes more
room than it could with any degree of
propriety be accommodated with. Oen
sequently, being of a firm and unyield- .
jug nature, a sharp and uncompromis
ing corner was thrust obtrusively and
offendingly out; against which unwary
toes and unfortunate shins would in
all probability be frequently punished.
But Aunt Susan was not • the woman
to go forth to meet trouble, and lie
shadow rested -upon her placid brow,
nor misgivings annoyed or made afraid.
The burcin *as a bargain, and that
sublime fact shed inch s halo of glory
over its somewhat battered surface as to
completely put to rout the inconven
ience of its position. -
Next morning Aint Susan rose bu
dgies, sent for , the woman who lived on
the back road, and enjoyed a day of
Viitting to rights.' Those days, in
which ahe caused to be brought forth
from garret, cellar and hidden store
rooms, treasures collected from auction
innumerable, were dear to ber heart,
though abominations in the eyes of
Uncle Phil, who wandered around amidst
the household gods in bitterness of
spirit.
John watched the 'cleaning' operation
with an amused smile curling the cor
-1 airs of his- handsome mouth, till at
lenith a bright idea struck him.
Jove he muttered. believe
we might do it 1 4
.Five minutes later, he might have
been seen , in earnest confab with Uncle
I Phil , who griimed and nodded his head
in evident satisfaction, and fall approvii
of the plan, whatever it Walt
The day ended withfritell in
the cleaning line. Before sunfioWn tin
army of spotless mahogany, brass'',
chins, britarmik 419 Ctai,,might have
been sew ornactentng:l- - tinCo.s'hirs
front yard—articles whieh..ll4.,,Wininfl
rays of the Sun touched Ind caused to
reflect like polished . mirrors. Bei"
everything'lras replaced, the old woman
departed, and quid broided over the
old farmhouse once more. '
Nat day John was to return hornet"
o—, and Aunt Susan was to accompany
him, for the double impose of paying
EnvAso Zags
D. 31. BALL.
Flr"'!ll".7n
fll V
- r
"GOVEBN/11ENT OP THE PEOPLE SY THF=PEOPLE AND FOB , THE PEOPLE."
lil
her sister—lohres tiotherLa Visit, and
witnessingthe ceremony which - should
give to John a wife.
This wedding arse very near to her
heart; first, beartse sir loved Tohn very
dearly, and second, because he had
bought a lovely little nest of a home
close by. her house and was—after a
reasonable tripto bring hie young
wife here, under Aunt Susan's motherly
wing, while he began his career as a
lawyer in the brisk little village near
Nothing short of the immense impor"- -
Mum of this event nonld have induced
the good woman to Oeinnit the daring
, net of risking her neck upon a railr s oad;
for the twenty mile journey was as for
inidable to her, with ber old-time no
tions, as.would a visit to India be to a
town bred man. "
The morning arrived, and Aunt Su
san, with many injunctions and can
ticles, at last took her place in the
wa
gon which was' to convey her to the
depot. , l.
John delayedn few moments-to take
special parting with Uncle Phil. What
.wita said no-one beard save' the- pestle's
interested; but John's low words called
forth a series of energetic words from
his uncle, and a dry, hart chuckle, be
fraying an unusual amount of interest.
The journey ended safely, and Aunt
Susan was beginning to feel at home on
springs, and to sleep in spite of the
noise on the street, when a letter from
home Completely upset the good wo
man, and threatened to start her On the
homeward track without delay.
'The house has been robbed,' wrote
Uncle Phil. was down to see Mar
thy'—his sister—laud it sot in 0 storm
so bard I stayed all night. Wall, when
I got borne I thought things looked sor
ter queer, and sore euough, I found lots
of things gone! The bureau in. the
buttery, and all the
,things oaten the
summer kitchen, a Okla lot of brass
things from the stairway closet. and tad
end of tlxin's gilt over.''' I can't see,'
wrotethe.old gentlemai ri 'as any close
or silver has been took, and I guess the
thievis must hey kuowed of your bar
ging and come fur them special. I've
beard they set stores buy them in big
places. I reckon at a ruff gees we'ire
lost aboht ffveburows, three sophies and
six or seven parlor stoves, to say noth
ing of phiny and brass things.'
To sa4 that Aunt' Susan was stunned .
would be but faintly to express her state
of mind; but she determined: : John's
happiness shOuld-not be diromed by her
anxiety. awl so by a- great effort ale
ancceeded in overcoming her despond
ency iseumini a cheerful face.
The wedding-day came and passed.
John and Mary were bound in the holy
bonds of wedlock, and bad departed on
their bridal trip.
omjile e ,1111491C4.41 days to
to the even tenor of hertiget
and waited with what patience - Abe
t could for John's return.
- Uncle Phil was , waiting tod—silently,
but no less anxiously. In fact, a little
air mystery hung over the old house
and hid shyly away amidst the wrinkles
f the kindly old faces of its excellent
earner. Uncle Phil had some secret he
did not tell Aunt Swan, and Aunt 811-
agn and some secret she did not confide
tb Uncle Phil, and stranger still, each,
sus so engaged with his own as to be
perfectly oblivious of 'the other's pos
session.
Only one person San, understood, en
joyed and remained silent—Uncle Phil's
sister, Martha.
The summer's heat slowly died out,
and autumn` as beginng to paint the
tree-tope in the gloriei . of red and gold,
when John wrote that he was coming
, with his wife to take np his home in
the little house. They ikere to remain
at Uncle Phil's till their 'house -was
ready. , '
Of 'course everything was on Up-toe,
Aunt Susan caused a supply of plea and
cakes to be baked that would have
victualed. ; a man-of-war; while Uncle
Phil spent the entire , day shaking out.
buffalo robes, and polishing up the old
carriage and wagon.
Train time came; so did John and
Mary, and the old people drove them
home from the depot critti great pride,
under the scrutinizing gaze of the en
tire village eye; so to speak•
Tea was soon ready, but not so soon
but Untie , Phil had found time to
divulge his secret to John, for from the
%madhouse came a lbw' murmur of
voices, with now and then a hearty peal
of laiighter in John's clear voice min
glad with Uncle Phil's low guffaw.
Twice did
_Aunt Susan call out and
demand to know the joke, and twice
, did she get her trouble for her pains,
for no hint was given.
After tea the whole,party strolled
down to the new houie. Now_ it was
Aunt Susan's turn. With a prouil step
she marched ahead and opened the door
of the house, a faint flush, on her
I withered cheek. Mary followed closely,
but John stood rooted in the hall, star
ing blankly and stupidly into the little
joarler.
- _
Certainly there Isis nothing there
Which. ought to frighten two full-grown ,
men—only four or -five bureaus of some
what antique design, several tables with
Massive pedestals and .claw feet,, two
sofas large enongh.to acceinmoiat the
4pre historic man' we hear about and
a goodly assortment of clocks, and irons,
shovels, etc.
'You don't seemed to be pleased,'
said /taint. Susan in a crestfallen manner,
her kind old voice, trembling 'a little.
*Now I thought yen would be tickled
about to death ,with them I found
them all in 0-- (Prude Phil and johi
exchanged guilty loose), and I was to
took aback at losing mine, and I notic
ed you looked kinder red and cut up
the morning the news comes, so
thought to myself. just buy
these for you. John. This, here' bur
con'—placing here d lovingly on- a
large and imposing piece of furniturfr--
'did look so exactly like the One /
bought of Squire Thomas and had in
buttery, that I couldn't help gifting
it You know you kinder wanted It,
Jobi,the night it come home, aid I
ales felt sorter mean that I (Udall girt
it to you then; so as soon as I sot my
eyoe on this one I upland bought it and.
seat it down with - the - rest o unbeknown
to anybOdy, so as to surprise you. You
didn't even mom* did yea, Phil ?
But Uncle Phil was still speeehlees;-
and even JOhn's ready tongrie refused
to doltausurd work.
Wile they yet stood, a silent and
crestfallen group, a shrill, - high treble
broke upon the - silende, and Aunt
Wasn't came walking in. ,
Wall I" I do, say you look meeching
enough l I told you, Phil, that Susan
'would Snd you out I Ithought I should
burst when Susan went to Caleb to go
'down to the , depot, and haul up these .
things just ten &rya after he hauled um
down, through as far that, 'Was dark
enough when be took um down, be
ige g night—' -
At this awful stage John recovered
himself sufficiently to confront Aunt
Martha and by dint of winks and nods
make her underst.sild that she was Mak
iag a mess of it.
. Poor %still' stared, as opened
mouthed as the rest; but the warning
bad - chino too late; Aunt Susan was by
no means slow, and the whole plot was
as plain as daylight to her.
"AndliO, Philip Wheeler," she burst
out with withering scorn, 'you thought
%would be line fun. to deceive me with
your trtunpt up story of theives that
has made the shiver's sun down my back
every night since I came home 1 Oh,
you needn't say nothin"--as Uncle
Phil attempted to speak--'it's mity
honest, mehbe, and does great credit to
your profession. As fur you, John, I
wouldn't have bel'ved you , would bey
treated your old auntie in snob a way.
You ken take them old things and send
um back to 0—; I hate the sight of um I'
And Aunt Bann fairly broke down, and
bowing her head. on Mary's shoulder,
burst - into a shower of tears which
caused Uncle Phil and John to feel not,
only like sneaki and
,scoundrebs, but
'like midnight assassins and burglars as
well.
There vas not tauch to say, but what
could be said John said; he explained
that no harmvas intended, and that' it
was bit a foolish boyish trick, And
Uncle Phil scratched his head and tried
to look boyish, and failed utterly be
cause he slreadyllooked so sheepish and
mean.
Bat Mary did just whO a 'warm
hearted, clear-headed won an should
have done. She kissed Aunt Swain af
fectionately, and said--
'Uncle Phil and John meant to play
off a good joke on you, but you have
turned the tables finely, and I am clout).
ly glad—first, because Ido love to get
the best of a joke, and secondly, be
cause I Boat on these dear, quaiiit old
tbifin...,_Why. aunty, you have . given
how sweet - I'll make "this little place
look.' .
And so she did; so quaintly sweet,
and altogether charming did the little
house grow under her skillful fingers
that it became' the rage. and the de
mand for old things was- almost as high
in Abe village as it was , in our big City,
where something, always rages.
John became a convert at ovary early
day, and even Uncle Phil said—
spun) I I didn't know the old track
could look so kinder caratic,'
To which Aunt Susan would reply,—
'I altars knowed 'twas iristooratio;
Philip.'
rThey are all very happy, and Aunt
Sham has long since forgotten and for
given 'John's little oke.
Old Hickory's Wife.
When General Jacluion was .111 candi
date for the Presidency in 1828, "not
only did the party opposed to abuse
him for his public acts, which, if un
constitutional or violent, were a legiti
mate 'subject for. reprobation, but they
defamed the character of his wife. Oa
one occasion a newspaper published in
Nashville was placed apois the General's
table. lie glanced over it, and his eyes
felt upon an article in which the charac
ter of Mrs. Jackdon was vilolentiy as
sailed.' So soon as he bad read it he
sent for his trusty old ;servant, Dan
woodle.
'Saddle my horse,' said - he, to him, in
a whisper, 'and put my holsters on
him.'
• Mrs. Jackson F watched. him, 'and
though she heard not a word-- she saw
mischief in his eyes. The General.
went out after a few moments, • when
she took np the paper and understood
every. She ran out, the south gate of
of, the yard of the Hermitage, by which
the Gemeral, would have, to pass. She
bad not bee. 1. ere more than a few'
sewn& befo e the General rode up
with the countenance of a madman.
,She placed herielf before the horse and
cried out: -
'O, General, don't gO • to Nashvilld
Let that poor editor live ! Let that
poor editor live ?' -
'Let me alone,' he replied, 'bow
came you to know what , I was going
ksr ?'
She answered: 'I saw it in the pa.
pee after you went out; put up your
horse and go back.' •
replied, furiously: 'But will
go—get out of my way l'
Instead of this she grasped his bridle
with both hands. ' - •
listeried to her: say let go my
bailie 1 The * villain that reviles my
wife shall not live l' • - •
She grasped the reins but the tighter
and began to expostulate with him, say
ing that she was the one who ought to
he angryi but that she forgave her-Per
metitors from the bottom d her heart,
and preyed for them—that he should
forgive if he hoped , to be 'forgiven. At
last,hy her reasoning, her entreaties,.
and her, tears, she so worked neon her
husband that he seemed Mollified ton
*erten: Indent. She wound up bt say !
ingi •
(lepers), you mail not take the
life OfeVen my miler—you darenot do
it for it is written, Vengeance is mine,
I will repay. shit h the Lord V ' •
The iron nerved hero gaveway before
Y, DECEMBER 8. 1881.
ME
the earnest pleading of hie beloved wife,
and ieplied: •
yield to you; but hal it not been
for you and the words of the Almighty,
the wretch should not have lived an
hour.'
FAC273 FOB ME C 771110178.
The ancient Etrurians are said to have
used lightning conduebirs.
Damask bible linen was imported
him France to England 'in 167 g.
The natives of India say that the
bays bird lights up her neat with fire
flies. 1
Drowning vaus punishment men.
*rued in the ehartee of Richard L
only.
A rhinocercuni has been kniiiin to'
have been tamed to be ridden as patient
)." is an elephant.
A large boa in the Zoological Gar
dens in
_London swallowed a blanket,
and disgorged it in thirty-tbrea dap , .
A notion prevailed in Egypt thiit a
citron,'eaten early in the morning, was
an antidote against all kinds of poison.
The practice of kissing is unknown
among the New Zealanders, Tahitians,
Australians,. Bomanlis and Esqnimaux.
It is said that croons sometimes
I change color. Blue and yellow . the first
year have changed to ,'yellovs the sec
ond.
In Sicily' and the neighborhood of
Naples are found huge masses of pure
Dative sulphur, between lime-stone and
matey. clay. -
The pianoforte was invented in Ger
many, and began to be popular in Eti
gland and France near the close of the
last century. •
The most anCient of ail recipes known
to us comes from Egypt. from an an
cient papyrus roll, and is a recipe for
hair dye.
In 1444 a patent was granted John
Cobbe, that," by the sit of philosophy,
he might transmit imperfect metal into
gold and silver. •
The Gothic styleof architecture was'
first adopted for churches about the
eleventh century. It is distinguished
by its pointed arch.
The Parliament-which met in F6b
ruary, 1420, was called the Parleament
of Bats, since the members being order
ed to wear no alrords, attended armed
with clubs or bats.
JosEra BABA, THE CHILD EfElto..-The
etatpe of the obihl hero, Joeeph ' Bera,
has heeti,ereeted in the church square
at Palais' can, on which st chateau of tho
Coadoes, in which he was born anti
reared, ,looks down. i Joseph Bart's
father was a woodranger on the PiLns-
can estate of the Conde s, and his moth
er was a; domestic in the chateau. She
was'a widow when her son, , at!= the age
His head bad 'taken fire' at a patriotic
meeting where Carnot'a appgal for
450,000 men was read before !dui.
The bOy learned to play th'e fife and
drum, and . farbisbed the arms and
cleaned the horse of a major of Spahis
who had fought in India under Bussy.
This officer 'le petit tambour' followed
to La Vendee. To harass and throw
the enemy off the track, this major
often sent hie little drummer running
through the bocagel to beat here and
there the drum or sound the fife. Bars
was one day surcrised .by a baud of
peasants. lie was! a boy of '
delic4e
features and aristocratic air. The
Veudeans thought him some noblenian's
child who had been perverted, and told
him that if he criedlrive le roil' they
would let ,him off. He answered by
beating his dram. 'Are you .deaf?'
roared a country br ute, l who took aim
at Tin a republican, replied the
boy. 'Ab young brigand, have a care
Give up your drumming and, like us,
cry, Viva le roil' 'Viva larepubliquer
cried Barn. Twenty firelocks were
discharged at him, and he fell dead.
Horrified at the execution; the Yen-
4osns fled. Bat some of them returned
Picked up the corpse, and respectfully
bore it to the camp of the blues, The
convention decreed a pension to Bara's
mother and ordered that an engraving
of the little drummer's execution should
be made and hung up in every priiaary
school to show what a child can do
when inspired by ' a noble sentiment.
Chenier, in 'Le Chant de Depart,'
alludel to Baxa's execution, and David
_(d'Angers)j, who found one of the engrav
ings orderid by Abe convention, chose
his death as a subject for his 'chisel in
1837. The statue at Palaisean repre
sents the youthful hero in the uniform
of a hamar. A drumstick has fallen
from one of his hands, the other he
still held& The boy has been strut*
with the_tienty bullets, but the expres
sion of heroic exultation still lingers . in
'be delicate face.- r -Pall Mall Gazette.
Cimino Borer Wrrn BUN= SPCIONS
—.Benjamin Brewster recently said
'Sometinies I favor limiting by law the
amount of money a man shall leave bis
sons. Twenty.tbonsand dollars apiece
is Plenty for them. Above that it might
profitably escheat to the State. The
consequence would be that rich men
would do good while they lived with
their enormous profits. It is common
to hear_beys educated by bounty to be
gin -the battle of life say, 'Oh,
I think I ought to have been a iich
man's son !' Look; around you at the
young woman in the hotel. In every
pair of ear& is a, pair of big diamonds,
the aggregate being right here as many
diamonds as a palape contains. Yet
nothing seems to accompany the dia
monds but a novel. You see nobody
reading anything but that. - A young
woman in 'big diamonds hearing me
mention Franklin once said, 'Mr. Brew
ster, who was Franklin ? He , was the
Inventor of printing, was he :not?'
'Yea, dear,' I said, of , printing awl of
thunder and lightning.' She said,
thank you r and never knew it was a
reflection upon her. Now, tier mother
would have known %rho. Franklin - was.'
At. his" death, Washington was the
richest President we ever had. He left
an estate worth $800.000."
?
THE, KAN XB4s ZAN:.
Ono swohnsing day_in hot Jti
,tt beer saloon he wandered by.
Arid seeing that he wa4not seen,
He entered at, the otinging4ereert.
And to tribute the drinking men
Whom he observed around blot then.
Re ordered, as he knew he ought ter,
A glass of pure, clear, crystal.water.
Re set it down; "At. ha," said ha,'
"Cold water is the drink for me.
And so, to make it cold sad nice,
He pounded ins little ice.
-
Ben ' .
ham and good, sliced very thin,
He dropped a little lemon to.
And then be said, "Sweetio the sweet,
And stirred some anger in the treat.
To hied of brace the Waters up,
lie 'bushel some bitters is the sup.
Then pat a lee-tlo wtwky-•xeU,
B►y twenty line. of nonpareil.
And while ho stirred it with ii . spoon
sang. in gleeful tones, this tune
"Water, cold water, pato and free,
Water is the drink for we."
Ile raised his head; Toad, load he laughed,
And to the dregs the goblet quaffed.
"nista Um new amendment plan,"
Remarked the temperate Raines mw. ;
Then set hie course, and held that 'lay,
Due west, hia - ealm, iraper4l way._
—Burlington HatikeYe.
T 013.4 CC 0 FEW.
Tobacco clouds produce the reign sol
peace in a smokers' heart. .
Is the Cuban maid to smoke cigar
etta? They are pretty sure to do so.
The rune may come when to'' buy
two cigars for a nickel will not be evi
dence of bad taste.
Will Carlyle s short. , black pipe be
preserved among the curiosities in the
British Museum?
'ln these piping times,' is now the
prevailing expression of the heavily tax•
ed cigar manufacturer. _
There are a good many, "breaks" in
the tobacco trade; though few of its
followers get broken, '
The Cin - einnati Commercial 'speaks of
a prominent cigar dealer's place of bus
iness as a "smoke-house."
Does the small boy stump his toe
against a discarded cigar? No he brings
it ia•contabt with his month.
"Mystetre would , be a good name
lot a ',brand of to tobacco, be !ease
everybody would buy it to see what' it
was. I
snnff to disgust anybody with
tobaced,' said the seathiatie belle to her
aged grandmother, who was fond of
dipping.
If seventy-flve years of indulgence
prodaces 107 years' of age, how long
would a person live who smoked ninety
years? I
A rturolkaser of a nickel cigar pat ao
waa told: '4.ltta• w.. 0 Luau's' your match.;
- ea with you lad I'll give you a cigar.'
3frawrms sor TT= COUPOBrIOII.-
Some ono has *ken the pains to col
lect for tile Chicago Times some of, the
more famous typographic blunders o
recent days:
OS thQ proof-reader - on the Herald,
who underscore I the line of the hymn,
'Hark the herald angels sing!' : so r as to
give-due credit to his own paper.
Of the World's report of ai political
meeting—'the snouts' (for shouts) of ten
thousand Dimaocrats rent the' air.'
Of Goth's Fourth of Jnly oration
about the effect of the immortal dodo-
ration penned by Thomas Jefferson, a
which limas reeled' he was made to
say, instead of 'thrones reeled.'
A local reporter represented Talmage
as reading_the well known hymn thus:
'Nearer by God to Thee!'
Instead of the flat of the Almighty, a
New York paper spoke of - the 'fist of
the Almighty.' •
Another paper declared that the
Meeker massacre was caused, not as the.
dispatch said; 'by the , hunters pulling
down the Indians' tents and corrals,'
but 'the. Indians' beets and carrots.'
Out West, the obituary of a right
reverend 'prelate' . was described as the
'death of a pirate.' .
In a sermon a clergymen was an
nounced as preaching about 'a woman
clothed in scantity,' instead of sanctity;
and the subject, 'lnfluence of Rome on
the Formation of Christianity,' got'into
print as the 'lnfluence of Rome on - the
Digestion of ILumanity.'
The, compiler should have added to
his collection the story of the Connec
ticut.editor who wrote what he thought
an unusually fine article, • entitled 'ls
there no Balm in Gilead?: and awoke
nest morning Ito see it read 'ls there no
Barn in Gaillard?'
HMV WOrra Gar HIS IDEAS or Huss.
—M. Wcirth has a country house far-
nished in lavish fashion, but cohtainin g •
nothing more striking .to the visitor ,
than the extensive aviary, inj which
scores of birds of all conceivable-hues
fltt about it their ease. The aviary, it
seems, is more than a whim of its owner.
He declares that he derives from it some
of his moat striking combinations and
daring conceptions. 'Wnen I'am at a
loss for a new idea as to color blending;
he says, •
go and watch the birds, and
almostcertainly see some chance- ooni
bination of hues as they flit about which
giveme the desired notion.' 'lt &ill be
indeed &fact, and 'we have no reason to
doubt it, it would appear that his
worthy bites are in reality helping
him to feather his nest when they
!eathei.their own.—London Figaro,
came over to see about your. boy,'
said a „neighbor last evening. 'Hes '
very troublesome about my house. He
has been throwing rotten apples into my
front yard and balling my. Wife ..'Old
Molly Grubs.' And I was. going over
to see you you about your, boy,' was,
the rejoinder. 'He °hall , ed Fay wood
sheds/Winer with a picture If my wife
driving aincait of the back - door with a
kettle of water in one hand and a broom
in the Oil/er."( 'ls that so? Then I go
in for civil service reform within our
families.' The boys never linear what
they were "licked for that night."
$l.OO a Tear s la Mbar*.
PACTS AND PANCZS;
, ha the fail the landlord's hue/
' Lightly tarns to ralsing,vettis;
And the coal men every chance he -
Ras Ri 1 add on filly coati. -
',Anueber lie nailed,' as the.wag re
marked when the merobent tasked 'up a
C 06 1 .- - •
"Pobloom can be carried too tur.
'Didier day I lilted ply hat, ter a 'mean
an kelt do hiu4erchief omen IV!
lldr. Cobb decently married Miss
Webb; he knew they were intended for
each othet ns 80 011 as he ETNIAIL _
The. Maine Signal Service man who
went up with King . reports that he
could find nothingahove the clouds, to
furnish consOlation to Chicago people:
The world wilt never progress far
enough to believe • that a man's black
eye wail caused by anything else than
somebody's fist.
- If a two-wheeled vehicle is a, bicycle,
and a three-wheeled a tiicycle, it does
not follow that the one-wheeled is an
icicle. It is a wheel-barrow.
.
A. Jersey City husband who remained •
out until midnight ,and forgot the story
he had cooked np to tell his wife, hing
ed away in the hall as she met him. -
If you want to read a sensible, in
structive and elevating book.' go to say
public library and ask for the one that
is called for the least.
'I wouldn't give that for any man's
opinion,' exclaimed Fenderson snap
ping his finger. 'Excepting your own.'
remarked Fogg.
•A. party of San Juan ranchers made
a bonfire of an Apache Indian, end the
coroner,s jury returned a verdict of
"overcome by the heat."
'This pie len% fit for a dog to eat,'
muttered Pingry. 'Oh, beg pardon!'
exclaimed the landlord; 'I didn't mean
to give that to you, Mr. Pingry. Of
course it is , not fit.'
'Et de descendants eb de rooster
what crowed at Peter was ter make a
noise ebery time a lie is told dar would
sick a noise in de world dal yer
couldn't heat de hens cackle.'
Late experiments in Indiana have
shown that a hearty boy can draw cider
through a small rubber pipe a distance
of eleven feet, in case the family are all
away to church - .
'Are you feeling very ill?' asked the
physician; 'Let me see your tongue,
please.' It's no use. doctor,' replied
the poor patient; 'no tongue can tell
heir bad i feel.'
The will of a man who died recently
in Berke county, contained this clause:
'And I further disinherit and prohibit
from participation in the distribution
of my estate such of ray male descend
ants as presist is wearing. mustaches.'
Edith—Your question. 'What are
tti.- 1 -IgswaiLegpa ater qbappwapiat Adaabia
'Sye-openers' we have never seen, but
suppose they taunt be some kind'of au
tomatic contrivances worked in con
nection with alarm-clocks.
'The best medicine a person cm take
is a horseback " ride in the pure sir.'
Marked copies of this receipt should be
sent to those train robbers who were
recently ienteneed to sevepty years' im
prisonment We hear that they are in
poor,health.
"My dear child," observed kgood,
deacon to an urchin who was polishing 1
a cat's back with a blacking brush on
the Lord's Day, "have you never at-
tended Sunday school?" ""liaw," re
sponded the gamin frankly, "I don't
go to phuaei of asausemept.
11
Job Shuttle 1 0
abandoned going to
the theetre altogether. When he wants
an evening's enjoyment be y hangs his
wife's new 'Rembrandt' beaver- hat on
the gas-bracket, sits behind it and looks .
at it intensely. He gets just as much
as be wovld by going to the theatre
and saves the pike of the ticket. -
"Papa," remarked the enfant terri
ble, who was mounted on the back of
the old gentleman's chair engaged in
talking crayon sketches on his bald
head, "It wouldn't , do for you to fall
asleep in the desert, would it?" .` . 'Why
not, my darling?" "Oh, the - Ostriches
might sit down on your head and hatch
it out."
The Philadelphia News says. the • fra
ternal telationsi between the North and
South have become ao warn that seven
teen Northern visitors to the Atlanta
exhibition were carried up to bed by
the hotel . porter, and it didn't 'cost
them a cent. 'The same old story,
Northerp men can't go South without I
, getting "shot"—in the neck,' or some- I
where. ' .
The Jersey City Journal copies from
this column a paragraph reflecting on
the perennial stove-pike joke, and adds:
'And lo! in another column bobs up the
stove-pipe joke.' Which compels us to
call the Journal Democratic elect
ion table the mornln after the . battle,
which contains more li---'4l - ore errors,
that is, to the squa r inch than a gas
meter does to the square foot.
Charlie Bum Mace is continually mis
laying his memorandum book. We
noticed it carefully , huig tip "on the
floor of his room this morning, and
opened it at the last entry; which was:
'My father says, fAn honest man is the
noblest work of God.' I. saw the same
remark in a newsmor. This proves
the old man a plagiarist, and no plagi
arist is an honest man. There is no
'noblest work' in our family.'
Boys, you'll find this life- just like a
game of- seven-up. Yon want to save
your tens and look oat for a game, and
never beg when you have a good hand:
Also, recollect in the long run.. low
counts as much as high if_ it is .only a
-
trump.'. Tbe devil, atackaa the-cards,
but just play. em honest, , and when it
comes your deal; Ter boort', to get a
winnin' hand every tuns, and -the old
split-hoof will just have to jump the
goinf l and look for a.g9iter mop- Alao,
if you harpen to turn jack:o4lU lucky,
but don't forget to remember that turn
in' jack in uncertain businees, salt
never do to bet 0n.,-7444,Prstrell
MIME
xo~ ~~s