The Democrat. (Montrose, Pa.) 1876-1878, May 17, 1876, Image 4

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M'laieter.SirokiN 4 1 1.? .. 1•51' of creation;'
Thelteethati time_eo,* ( l:Akei Marrieit47l
Xantidpe Caloric accepted his hand,
And they thought him the happiest man in the
laud. ' • -:.
But scarce had the honeymoon passed o'er his
head
When 11tornibg,- td = Xeuiiipte, flat:lto
sit:d :
liAlOrkk; fOr4ll ot sbirldhig'in:life,; •
This house - $(610) as ' 1 1" ilotr have, it wife 1
flo, as early as possible, , earpenterVi,ry
Shall be . sent for to widen 1 my honse and my
J.T .dairy,' { s•
• ,
1 NOW; sociitk aeareat latitipPe replied,
"1 bate tai ' liar everything :*ulorit
Nowiiii
onei;er Pou, ipeak, of your auittles,
- • .
bay, our cow book, our barn yard, our pig
.• -pen. •
"By your /cave,. Airs. Snooks, - I will fot,y what
please
Of tn,y houses, iny'lands; 'My gardenty,trees."
"Say our," Xantippe exclaimed in a rage, '
"I won't, Mrs. Snooks, though yott ask me au
igh,'` , woman 1 though OD" a part 'of man's rib,
If the: story in: Genesis don't tell a fib, ' ' ' :,, . ,
Should your naughty Cometini:m *e'er 'quarrel
with you, . i . . i , •
You are certain to. prove ' the besti,oux-14 the
two. i 1 , .
In t the following case ti,ia ur,sts c.ertainly trtie; '
1 1 * the lovely XantiPpii Just itilled o$ 'her
. I
shoe, 1
And laying about,,,herall : aid& at ratidom, ~1
The adage was Iverifid.o.Nt7, de.tia l nduin."'
Mister Socrates Snooks„ after. try,i4 itk vain,*
To ward off the blow,s which "dericended like
coneladitig.that, valor's best fart was•dis6re=
4 011 , \ i '., ,
Crept under the bed like a terrified Hessian;;
But the dauntless Xantippe, not one bit afraid,'
Converted the seigein to a blockade.
- : !
. . . .
it kit a ft er reasbriing the thing in his pate,
He (=eluded , " 7 tsvl4 .tuteleas EC/ striveagainst
k " fate:;" " ! ! 1
And so like a'tortols_protruding his head,
Said; "Ify dear, nay wecome out from under
1
our bed ?"
Mah ! hah !" she-orChibhed. "
&mks; - '
tpercei!re,you agree to my terms b 3
Now,:, Socrates - -hear , tne—frona - .
hour ; : - - ' 4
If•you'll•only obey nilrn never took sour."
'Tis4fildlthe next sab ith ere
_goini to Church,
1
Re' etatilked " for a lean , pair:ok trowsers to
Strang found them, he'tsked, with'a feiw,ner
vous twitches, ' : ' '
"My dear may toe put on 'r: yeti Sunday
breeches '?"' 1 '
ion
, . .
An - F i nnic Brier,. ~ 4'
Up' 11ft - liton:N.. 11, lived a family,of Bricks.'
Uriali Brick Was the father, and Mrs. Mary
Brick was the mother; and" 4 icellent''. 'people
they, were. .As the of up, bright
tail
and who done well intelligent; the' fat er, \ est bo ew
to.ttfe,,waylot raising and selling cattle,
,deter
trainedtngive him: a collegiate education, and
toliat end the tad *as sent over to Fryeburg
geademy, not many Miles distant, there to re
ceive the necessary educational rudimSnts.— .
the youthful Uriah was received and accepted
ity the principal, :and. on tbe4following4day,he
wide' Ilia appearance in the 4claits taught by
~
rroftssor Swan . , . . „
I , "Ail, young - gentleman,". said the professor,
rpoleirig mildly through his god-bowed glasses
,npon the new corner,:"this is ybur first appear
ance in my class ?"
I ' , "Yes, Sir."
"What is your name ?"
'"YOU are a brick !" the youth deliberately
enunciated. There cnuld be no mistake. , His
la7guage was plain. 4 I .4
"What;Aiir 17 cried the professor, aghast.—
"Will you repeat those words ?" .
..
"You—are-- a—brick !"—slowly and em
phatically.
' "Upon my soul, young min, this , is too non
strousit You cannot: he in Possessicthof your
senses."
"How, sir.?" starurnered Uriaii, Ir., at a loss'
to understand. "Have I offended ? ' 1 1.
`'O ended I j• Have :you , not grossly insalted
me?". ,
4 /Insulted Yon! I , certainly • did not mean
• • •-,
I!, 4 l:sid you not tell me that TWas a brick 1 1 "
gletini:of ,Intelligend,e, and relief beamed
'upon the y044'1 Toddy nice. ,
"Ah, sir," he said, "I understimil the niistakt.
You asked - I[le my mune.' iia:ki,ng one, and
I only gave the initials of Iny baptismal
:Niy name, in toll, is - Irriah Reynolds
Andenvint_arick." i
muttered., the professor,
while he mentally calculated the measuroand
Sound of those Initials. "YeS, yes—l see.---
Well'.ll-?-811—Mr. 13riek—we 'will go on with
our lesson. ' •
That-lesSon 'was not as-very profitable one
Vox' ' • . '
• ,Paturday afternoon when one of the post-of=.
116 fioot,blaeks fell down in crossing Griswold
Ate%dind'begait to - pucker his face for a3good
xry,:a policeman. remarked:: . -
"Humph 1 - Such a blg boy la you my I"
"Am I bawlingfi asked the boy.
Yqu. ire just -ready
' 1. '”?614 ,1 60.tti
v- "About falling down there." ,
continue
461tLaietten .wi
Saxe time. "Itdi4o,,hurt.t
I think of how I loit , loven
coine."o'
'lt was late in the fall when our4gooillArs. ,
ltilddlbcruSt went dowit to the market 'end se.
lebteira tub of butter. the always bought
good butter. lg fact, she was determined that
rtehe,,:id her, boarders ' , should:- wirer have; just
cause of complaint against the quality, of , her .
provisions. : . , Y _
?tildtidani , l isibi the therket,trian, "I would ad
vise you to secure two tubs of that butter. I
shall have none better; and bitter Will be sure ,
, to risein price through the - Winter."'
Mrs.Middlecrust bought two tubs,and on her
way home bethought herself bOw t she could
contrive toMake that butter - list through till
_ , •
spring.`• Ah ! happy:thbight ; she would
toast the bread for supper, and butter it herself.
Bhttered thast;waS the thing:
Accordingltthe 'good woman set out upon
her .plan - of :saving. For tea • the • loaves were
nicely and evenly sliced, gently browned before
the fire, and vary gently and carefully buttered.
As. her boarders took their Seats she finCied
that one of •them were looking ,for the
butter, so she smilingly said : •
"I ha:ae buttered the, bread 'myself, gentle.
men. • As it was toasted, I thought it wou hi be
nicer so.' -* •
Mr, Nipkins, a bald headed bank clerk, wear
ing spectacles, took s Stec of the toasted ,bread
and examined it long and critically.
•
"Mr. Nipkins, is: anything the matter with
yoni bread?" asked the landlady. • • 1
I,o—nothing is the . , matter with the:
bread." And he turned it over and submitted
it to: further , examination.
"Mr. Nipkins," persisted the good woman;
growing red in the face, "if nothing is the mat!
ter,-why 'do you behive in that 'manner? 1
like my bonrderi to loe frank with me." i
"My dear Mrs Middlecrust," replied Mr.Nipl•
kini, looking up serenely, "I will be iiank.-4
When I was ahoy ,if we wished to express
State: of extreine Mental obtuseness, we • were
Wont, tin say of the obtuse one, that liptdidO,
know which : side his bread was buttered on. I
think I must be losing some of my perceptive
faculties. I find no fault with your provision 4,
dear madam, the fault must be in me. I have
lived and eaten two and fifty years, and for the
first time in my life I find mysslr unable to de.-
Ode on which side'my bread_ is buttered."
Mrs. Middlecrust lett her boarders to butter
their OW/1 bread after that. •
•
kept *lPlrin Maid of the'Reeelpf.
The - Detroit Ree_ paws „says Fifty' years
old Wei tiay, and her : n a me Fox. She
lives on Natioital - avenue, and shornade'lk trip
to the eastern - pOrtion of the city to get a ie
ceipe. making cake.- She got -the reiceipe,
got some beer, and got tatthe station; ant ;she
wasn't balf'so anxious _about :het case asOi t ne
of the audience. She slowly loi!owed Bijah
out, musing
• "Use about a pint of flour, put in a chunk' of
Initter about as 'as a., walnut, and br4ak
in"— ,
Socralies
your' 10 9 its.
this happy
"Now, then," interrupted his honor, "this
looks bad to sea a woman of your age here.?
"Well, I had some beer," she softly replied,
"and break . ' in - four - ego, grate in your le on
peel, stir well and bake in a hot oVen."
- "What - have you to say about, "this ease V'
•
asked the court. • .
"Nothing. You can do all the talking—qUart
of flour—four eggs-lemon . Peel--nuttneg--!hot
oven."
_
You were never here before ?" I
_"1 don't remember that 1 was. Will Sou
take a receipe down for me before I forget 'ft ?"
"I've got a receipe for ending drunkenness,"
replied his honor. - i
• the b0y:6314 1
,a,h)s eyes, at the
ea bit,: but scf . lifn
eats last surrizatr
.Ptiztletil,BOardeir.
"I don'A want it ; and atter the cake has bait
_
ed for fifteen minutes remove' tixim, the 4:sven
and put on the fro tine;'
"Do 2,..0u want to go to the house of pakfee
tion'?" queried the court. '
• "go, sir, I *don't. What do 1-laut tb go
tramping way up there toe?"
"Btit'yOu were so sadlyAntoxicated that the
officer had to hire an expreis wagon to bring
you down here."
"Is that so ? Then I came here by express,
\ die!. ? Was I packed in O. 110 ?"
."You must be very careful in the future.l
a bad \ thing tor a woman to get drunk."
"No worse than 'tis fOr the man ; .and after
the frosting is on, set the cake back in the :oven
for three or foui minutes."
"Will you:promise me ?" said the court.;
"Yes, promise!" she angrily ,exell4med,
"but I wish ybu * wouldn't talk so much--you
put me all out" • '
She• stood off and, glared at his -honoi . , and
then s tapping - her finger at the railing confirm
ed : - • ' '
"Yen take about '.Et quart of flour---about a
quart. You 'put in a htinka butter abOutlis
big as awalnut, and you i break in three ior
tour"— -
"You may break out," said the'court.
"Well, 1 will. I want to get somewhere
'where]. can write down s reftirie: before I
forget it." t 1
'Abe pushed ber way through the crowd to
the doer, and as she stepped out she was heard
*uttering:: .
"Quart of fioui—four eggs—five Minutes;
-Apr
A Echo!sr in a country school was asked,
"How do you parse 'Mary milks the covi
The last word was ok as to4vm i—
t`Oovir, a nonnifeminie gender, third person,and
stands' f9r Mary."
"Stands for Mary I .FlOigr do you male that
out?"'
, Because," added the intelligent pUpii, l'if
the cow _ didn't stand 'for Mary, how could she
tulitt•her ?" •
. .
."Lunatic fringe," is the nattier given in New.
York to the fashion of cropping' the hair and
letting the ends hang.down ever the forehead.
Vwather Mr Jonea capita weatbe
'"C • • , ita
,e • f l r•
14y wi e',s' got aucb. a cold that she cant tipeali•
I like such weather."
THE I)
MPORTANT': ANNOUNCEMENT;
C. ,e4a . A. -CORTESY
I
CA-CDCPX)IIS, ; •
kgRCHANT TAILORING',
1..„ .
AT OUR NEW . STORE,
t /
• No. 21 Court Street, ' , • •
• )
We *mild respectfully announce to the public that.
!we have removed to our new and. spacious 'store. No.
21 corner of -court and Water streets. and are filling it
withanew atom , of goods that have just arrived. Our
stock of Dresii Goods, Shawls, - cte:; are of the very lat
est Spring patterns and styles and purchased for cash
when the market was most depressed. — . -
In the line - of Fancy Goode. Hosiery, Gloves, Hair
Goode, Ribbons , etc., our stack is unsurpassed. We
have also opened a Department of Merchant Tailoring,
and have jut , ` - purchased a large stock of, the latest
styles in the line of Cloths, Casstmeres, etc.; and of the
very beet anti' ity. We have einployed to take charge
of this Department. DIR. T. D. TAYLOR, long'the
leading and most sticcessfalentter to ttis city; and .who
always guarantees a perfect St. Mr. Taylor did the se
lecting of the - cloths, cassimeres, trimmings; etc., for
this dep • rtment, which should-satisfy all that we have
the latest and most lash ion...ble styles.
We cordially thank our patrons for past favors; and
:promise them and the public generally that we are: bet
' ter prepared'than ever to, supply anything in our line.
We solicit your patronage.
• • . C. & A. coll'irszy,
Bingliamton r APril•l9, 1876.
MIMI
RAT t 4T 4
1~l
=MEE
It;isc,ellpeou.
Duchy it 00.
er.
A GENT g '&l6 j utisr:eiril j _eeaLY . fgreetellTL - Progia
free. MunyOrt & opontler, rubs:Phila. Pa. 20
AGENTS For best chance In the woritio
coin money. Address U.S.
SAFETY poem CO; Nowark, N. J. r ,
AGENTS Wanteo for THE CENTENNIAL BOOK
OF BIOGRAPHY, or the lives of the groat men of our
first 100 years. bend for circulars. P. W. ZIh.O
LER & CO., 518 Arch street, Phila. 20
MDY 'r icls : i t T"r mti fOOS talks;root une
:verba
tim
reports. 500 pages $2. Just out. 8000 sot . before
publication. AGENTS WANTED. B. B. TREAT;
Publisher. 805 Broadway, N.Y., 20
SOMETHING 'NEW rattelggri, LockTa lea
Door Fastener. Safe protection against „burglars. E.
ery family will buy. Apply to D. L. GUl:Mini%
Mater Agent. Concord, . , •18
IisIISYCHOMANCY.or SOUL CHARMING. Hoe eith-
E - er sex may fascinate and gain the lots and area
tione of any person they choose -instantly. This am
ple. mental acquirement all can possess. free, by
for 25c. together with a marriage guide, Egyptian Olt - -
cle. Dreams, Hints to Ladies. Wedding Nieht.Shirt:46e,
A queer book. Address T. WILLIAM CO., Pubs.
Philadelphia. , IS
$5 To
w it.lantr ch a a ny wlt i te n d v fo r r ti v n o e m w a ' n ou c s a l u ne c ts ,;l l4l ,
- make $5 to .$lO a day. One who had
1 I", never , :anvassed% betel°. made $7 50 In
A one hour : an experienced agent made
XI. $72 75 in 15 hours. Particulars free. C.
DAY-t. e . kr e G ian M o a w nler A. 6&D za ti o an t e o S l L.,
SURE 2 :s r o s n k ib e l n e ts a e n r d tr re ao li r a c l il l n e tlr a y n i d n r u i c ri e k tri b en e
t o o t: ,
—N. Y. Weekly Sun , April 19,1816. . 19w3
An'agerit'llyt cleared $199 fret three weeks selling t 34
L,FE...N./r) L t, .-: - C --: ol" r -
IM iNGSTON
Anothei tBO. flrst oi days, - 0ver.150,000 copies of 'his
standard Life of the Veteran Explorer sold. 150,010
more n eedediby the people. A book of matchles s interest
profusely illustrated. and 'very cheap, A rapid *tante
for ager.ta. For prnof & termb,addreas BubbardEres
,
723 klansom at., Phila. ,111
F 9/1
CatiGITS..COLDS; HOARSKNESEt,
AND- ALL THROAT I?ISEASY4, '
WELL'S CARBiILIB.: TA_BLETS.
PUT UP
_ONLY 1N 'BLUE 130:xES.
- , A.TRIED AND SURE, REMODY.
Sold ty Druggists generally, and - 20
Johnston. Ilollowas & Co. .PADadeliobia. Ps.
THE GREATESfiELLING CENTiENTALBOOXIS
RNTR74IErouRVS
Rich and complete in our thrilling' history of 100 years;
and grand in -V ivid description! , of all our mighty to-
F
sources in riculture.cointnere,minertil•i,manufactures,
finances, 1., vernment, curiosities. natural wormers,
works :of rt, etc. Richly ilin.trated and • cheap. A
splenpid - view of the (Wu's 1, e Most nation"No
otherliook like it. Outsells mere histozies five to one.
Anents.wanted quickly. Address'; HUBBARD BROS.,
723 San iom et., Phila. IS.-
-
AGENTS.WANTED FOR THE
U.ENTENNIAL
HISTORY
OF THE 11 S
Tbegreat interest in our thrilling history makes this
the fastest selling book ever published. It contains a
tull account of the Grand Centehnial Exhibition. ,
CAUTION.—OId. fricomplete and Unreliable works
are being circulated see that the lbook you buy con
tains 442' Pine Engraving and 92i pages.
Send for circulars and extra terms to Agents.
Address, National Publishing Co.,.Phila.. Pa. 20
1,8741 W3ERF NOW . ?- 18*1
To 'ffic*litrut, one of the' foremost,
,flonrishing aid
healthy Sta:ei I
,WHAT FOR ?
To buy a Farm eat of dm
One Million Acres
of dnefarming lands for rale by' titer Grand Rapt&
- 4 , Indiana R. R.
Strong Solis. Ready Markets, Lure Crops. Good
Schools, R. R. runs through centre of. grant. Setille-'•
ments all along. Ali-kinds of Products raised,PletaW
of water, timber tlnd building materials. Prieti httpiu
$4 to Sniper acre ; one fourth down, balance on t
illrliend for illustrated pamphlet; fol, of facts slid
figures and be convinced. Address
W. A. 110 WARD, Commsr..
134.e-o•w • Grand Rapids
_
P. A.L. PIERCE, Seely Land Deputy.
.IT • PAY.Q ..
.
.
any; smart man who 'wishes to snake S2,Q a
Ti k nlo ( i T hus a
is rip one in your county who carries on gie
btigineas, - You can learn l it-i in: one vieekisy
stq'tlyingour instruetiOns, tWlSibli we sendt to aii
who - asks for them. Arsy nian t hitting $lOO 64 7
itt.i to start with,.can:lpurclr;seenough mat* ,
al to roof ,three ordinary' houses. • The ium• re
allied from sale and profit on this supply, add' ,
edito the regular pay for, labor as Roofer,sturaid
amount, to not less. t h an! PA • A.n ; expert. nun
cdiddeirSily - do the work in nine working diva.•
Tivo . persons means can join together
tri4idvantage ; •one canvassing,
.virbi e the °Ow
- atkends,to!r,he work :!Send for our - book of if
struetioriS (free if yo rtivriteitt . once) and sir:
14 . 'Ask fiir terms.: It you are: unable
_v4nce the !.money, .present the matter •to - 110
principal storekeeper-in • your place, and- talk it
over with him. lle will be glAd to furnishA
sitsck . and , divide the 'profit with yOu;', • WO.
giiiirmstee' the territory to th(s . Ant re0P9011.4
1 11 0 044. t.:: •. Address - stale
isolating 100 - 4..Lunited vetdar
apti mention.
Ac: - ;..
ElR'clsT.:' 111.0. -. .11.1$1:-1$511.1TMENTit„RE.4011111 I
DRY 'OOO,ps;,...CLOtHING, If-,4,.T5:.:AM.)-.-64PS,
Is the ' `lliENHilit ., l3LocE.;7: - . - . , .ci . s4tir . :# o'o,, pa..
MA,ll"goodS boUght - with care and' for cash only.
gains just received:'
Country Produce of all kinds marketed in Philadelphia; : and Now York.
"We"dome" to both old and . hew customers.
Great- Ben4:-May:loth,lB7o.
t2R,Din 02%11511151 MATHUSHEK AND CHICKERDIB
J. F. BRONSON'S
MUSIC a JEWELRY STORE. •
A LAMM ASSORTBEIMP OP
GOLD AND ""r A
SILVER W I&TCHES PME:II
AN ENDLESS VARIETY 4 F CLOCKS.
31. 313 • 1719 Zl l 3La "r:
NEW GOODS COI+STA.NTLY ARRIVING. ' George Woods.. & Co's
GREAT REDUCTION . IN PRICES
rirWatebei. Ciocica, and Fine Jewpiry,:re,Ao ' -
paired abort riotiCe and warranted. Brick
_Block,
- Fine - Engraving done. ' March 12d,1876.
11384•
THE PORN DRY lONS ND CLOTHING HOUSE
• • • • • • • • • p • II
GUTttNTIURG,' ROSENBAUAI...& , Co.
.
Is still in. Montrose, being established nearly a quarter of .
_a century. tnt 'intend to be another. Are carrying tits
largest awl most complete assortment of Dry Goals,, Beady-Made , Clothing, , 6c., c..,of t any, ot her firm in On
County. Our facilities for buying in large quantitiett 'of first hands by the 'otiginat parkagevi,' and 1 y havingt
resident buyer constantly in tbe,market,is sucti,tbat it mak4s it alutoet kn,imps,ssibility for any 'new orold dealers
to compete With us in piices.
M. S. Dessauer, having just returned from New York with a large- *tusk of seasonable`goodi, boughtfte
Cash at the most favorable rates.prices being so tet9pting that be bought hvavier than usual , and mostly :At hugs
&action Sales;
.• We will ; can 'and shall sell them at astonishingly low figures. '
I r .
DRY GOODS; CARPETS, MILLiNERY AND FANCY GOADS; LADIES'
-
AND GENTS' FURNISHING GOODS,
e a - sr -Al n cil c• t - :Ix.g
Of our owl manufacture. and well apßreciated for ittrauperickyOrkmanittli) , '
nAtS, GAPS L&C &C
-•
Fine lot of Cloths, Cassitnera and Fultin'goi'fof Ctitom Work.. ileasure* tskeo and rerfeit IlttiogatuiroP
teed. Only reliable goods sold that will bear trecommendatioh. Price list furnishedau apilicattou at our ess ,
tom. We sill say for - one and all, that we defy Competion. 'RespeCtfulty.yopre. . . , •
lioritroset 12, 1876. '
Via. BINGNAMTC , Ni ",..
WHOLIISALIt DRILLS IN• '
• • r • • .... .
BRONZE LAMPS, OPAL LAMPS, ALL GLASS I,,AMPS.''HAND LAMP&
BILENERS, WICKS, SI;IADES, SHADE HOLDERS,' &c.,
STVIii 'OP 'PLINVAND tOMMON'CIIIMNEft
BPBCIAL ixtiticsmßirrs IN
. ALSO, iIANUFACTE'RER OF '•
:grdieuP4iLivrnEax, InnAtkrtin..
p;loB6tuferontood ao Low ao arty- !owe iis' , sotstium .41T4t0 fork. .
..
A &trewsby thin Promptly Attended Teo. ; Iterch.Bl.lB7s. • • A. S. 1110111.
BEST 1 100 'PRINTING
Largo i i i i t,ock of JOB TYPE FOUR Printial, Presses, we Dl'iy ComePeti"
Bo* kn. Frio And Quality, either': in Plain flack or . Colored Watit.
The: Weeded of. the BRYANT., do•sinzirml nu t rrows.comrat... , "
made ofte4toroonto So Mg Duties umros to ai d'nts mimeo on drag WO seovoes of the .
UNITED 'STATES:CENTENNIAL:EXHIBITION
Pry 10M Ilr► take Rt
least n, month l01)1:
ap.l3niterrft:l3/.=
a r t i c " t f rei rr ie an Puts Cif the
or r + ll , prisockiest e t ts tsfr.th usilm 4.114
ou Wedelns* exam •
talustitgeneei oev:opeiti me_stett: joa Wars; addrow,.
- • • • • oulammliftm lik Teeth ISOM Pl'
•
BEENE
.”.7'..W.T...X'q`X.A.7.,...
r' '
BOOTS , AND SHOE ' S, NOTIONS, WALL PAPER,
....A,T......
Oli all Descriptions.
This Spring.
A FINE •ASSORI*EM
FA.ctg il3etter ' That::-Ei.otioill:.,
OUR sfiourVOMPRISES AS USUAL,
- •
ire continually addini new niatecial to our office, and imr
MIRE
STATIONERY, &C.
AND OTHER ORGANS.
J. F. BRONSON, AG'T,
MUSICAL MEMCMANDISE
Of all
f pfacriptions.
SHEET_ MEtEM'INSTRUCIION BOOKS,
C
3P
ii!. "
An immenot. Hui of Bar.
GEO. L.
New LENHEIM.
Hie Store.)
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