Newspaper Page Text
$e bad Been telling?her for -weeka , .past
that - times . ' were ',tight, ittioney_.isearee,'
ban.kruptcy . 'stalking abroad through the
land, and so' forth,. and, she (had consent
ed to- the , diAchttrae,,, of , th , nurse zirl; and
up-stairs girk andA had•wheedked the cook
into doing,the general housework. 'That
was enough;. came' 'home3. , one ni ght .
anti !said - was itiing to : , .'disobarge : the
Walk' ; that-Mon6'r had. gent'iip to thir
ty:,per- cent.; .that. he . couldn't afford to
wry his life insurance any.lourt that
she - musn't ask for any ,
f4r.4'year. - . ; She .Went over the'liOrtie and
pinched expGnses!doWn 'again, and things
ran Along until . the, Other day when- he re 7
marked :,:•• - ' .• •
"We'vegot..to reduce still further 'or
,bust !" ' ' •
She was pondering over his remarks
late that evening. - when The ,- :catne. home.
He was so bum getting
.his overcoat off
that 'she -. .went int l e the halk ••lzle" : •gave
tliii coat an'awfullerk just .thin ' and'fell
over. _ • 1 , •
"What' on earth"' ails yoti ?" she -ex
claimed, as she tried to lhelp
"Nozzing,'',he repli'ed. -
As he got up she peered Tinto his face.
The fact was as Plain 'as if it had' been.
written on a whitewashed fence with
ored tar. . - • .• •
• "You ..are' drunk !" she said as she
drew back. ' -
He gazed at her without, replying. *
"Yon have. been • iyelling, reduce . ! re
duce! all winter, and! while I am trying
to reduce . you go and get drUnk You'd
better .reduce your whisky I" . .
"Vi satd,anyzing 'bout rejuee r'ibeaik
ed. • • • •
• "Yea, yen have ' , •
. "Whaz wanirejme (Or r
,to-day. you said we'd- either got
to . rednee. ar bust" • .
"Di say.zat l• .
"Yes, • . • ,
"Well; juTejuile?"•• .; • , •
”No, how could I
didn't:l bust - . 7
-She laid him on 'the lonnge and went
yip bed, and yesterday she was advertising
for an, up-stairs girl and a nurse. ,
The Doctor Dumfounded.
. . , . ..
.Two of 'Ont. - promibetit aitizens—a d'oc,
ttlr and a dry . goods . manhappened tO
,on ,tl+, same - train: one
day this Week. When the train . stopped
at - Clinton Junction gentleman and his
Wife got aboard. . ' 'llh
. dry - goods Man
shook hands and spal e- - to them,' when
the dtietor asked the
,ry goods man
they were. tie was • told, and the physi
cian exelaiiiied t'- - :-'' ..'''' ' 7 ' -: ' ' -:
''..- :. '
"0, ves,nnw .1 rrnetuber., ' Iliaie •preß.
(allied for him and his familps number'
of times.", .' ' . - 1 . : •, ". t
.- : -. •
The mer Chant answered, " i should
think you would .know them, then?! •
"Well," replied the. physician, "I pres
cribefor ,a great mny ,whom I never. see.
• S . • .- • . - .
"Yes, yes," .' red 'tied .the,' dry goods
Dian; "and" no.. on else ,ever "szes. them
again, either." j .
me doctor ha I no More to . say: but
joined in the.hiug which the jokOlpro-
Mined. ' .
it was at,a dinner - party at Mr,,Pres
cotes Nahant residence, a good many
years ago,. the tioliOred_ guest being' an
Encrlish barotiet. Justus th'e first course
was removed, the historian and.' host.
turning to his guest, rid :
`I am atratd vou't miss your soup.—
We hive given you i4stead our usual side
dish." . !
"Indeed !" •answered I , the' barony
"and what do you call it "
."WOuld you be so kind' as to , spell'it
for Mc I
,liow do ' you I.ike it;
Sir 'John ?" • • .1 - ,
cflVe'll'," said the . noble Briton, "I've
traveled a goad deal' in my- 'time, and.• I
confess that .I've eaten' thingtlhat were
w,orae,. but not . muck
. tiOt nutch:' - •
,The - giiesttkept,their, faces straight at ,
king atpoisible,bUt the Nat., came at last
fMvillege, Of Leap - Yetw.
"Young privilege' ladies have the Ol say
ing anythtngbiring heap year," she paid
eyeinghini out of tir corners of her eyes
lls :,heert gave a great bound, and
wondered if she Was going to , ask
c , tip) queition which 'he had so.long desired
feared to do, he answered 'Teo."
"Andlhe young men must not refuse,r
"No, no I 'How could they ?"sighed
",Well,then," -said I she;. "'will you.;
-Oil fell on his knees and said - :' `Any ,
trifait- 'till I get through, yon
walk, aid not hang atocrAd ca'r
hi:Aloes° much ? ` • ,
And he walked;
subscriber .to .:,a 19.outhwestern newt,
Operdied recently, leaving, four. years'
staumiintion unpaid. The editot appear
eikPi r4e - graYe a depasited in the dot
fin' a palm leaf, fan, a • linen,4 coat, and a
ibetnioineW: ' .
"Pat,nave yon Imo - 4 stray Ing t
giorningl' . ! 4 81111-04elincr could 4ell
pig tobilwy othei - itir
A. sorry Dutchinast..;
frow Nos no better as she ort to
hn WI, 0 . 1 2- 4 sat hefini4 She'diet';• then She vas
sty good as beforei" remarked.. Mt. Vat
deripirard to hiineighbor, , ' - •a=
"Your wife vas anamiable f wormin,and
,you do great injustice to.
,leer tneniory," -
tiald Mr. .flpggini''
"Vel . l .. vat you knows so..,inuch... about
was not intimately :acquainted with:
yotir,Wife,-, ; bnt, I am j Ore; .let
iidquaintanCei toyed .her:' -
"Vot right:ll3o6y to,love-lfer.? May
"Wjay be what ?I"
- tbiay be you for mine frOi, toe . ?".
"Why do you spe)(k,,so strangely ?" .
"Vy, one day a pig iman, shunt like you
cane . into our houiie-,-. -and kissed mine
frow right.pefore her . face."..:.
'Were you,pres.ent at - the time
"To pe sure I vos." -
-!ivhat did you *do'?".. - 1 - •
"I kicked him right pehind hiji - Paok."
"Did be rese - nt it ?" •
':'"Yah !" bri)ke mE.and'te- lank in g
glass; and all of to Crockery to louse,
except the bed, into smash I"
dkLyou do then 'r'"
wl'hen I cried. Muter I. Muter! ' - and I
called for the, sh.udge and. Aheihury and
and he mud away l'' •
"Do . you intend to • charge me with
taking such unwarrantable liberties with
the c ,mpanion of your bosom 'F" • ..•
• "Me no sharge nothing for it now, pe
cause she pe tead and perried.
not allow you to make such in•
sinuations. You are an' old tyran!, and .
everybody ;Said ,you - were glad when, your
wife died: 7 '
"Everybody- pe one tarn liar:"
"Ixsaw.no symptoms of sorrow."
"Isie felt more wOrsht tau of my best
cow itad tied." .
"YOur best cow ! What a coMparison.
~,She Vos a \ great loss—a heasiy loss , —for
she yes as,pig as dat (spreading ont his
arms,) and she weighed more tan 200
"Lqoknnt, old man, or you' will see
trouble,--4,donbt if your,wife Was ever
Kssed 4-any .man after er marriage.--
At ail yo r. - must apologize for
what you. have: of Jne." •
"Votis . apologice ?" . •
"You must beg my pardon, and say
you itre'sorry. If .you do, not, I will en
ter a complaint - against you, and - have
you arrested." „ .
"I pe sorry ten." . .
gfSorry you kissed mine'frowr •
"YOu incorrigible idiot. This .is not
what you must say, for I never did such .
a thing in my
"Must Lpe sorry you never do such s
"No - You nine, take
• While the Dutchman was - in thisdilim,
ma,..hisfriend Hans Hamburger came
altinikand finally succeeded in reconcil
ing the . parties, .when the 'trio: adjourned
to a neighboring coffee-house.
The Other side.
The . next prisoner was not a liar. The
truth was in him and he made it a point
, to, speak :the truth. Aste toed the mark
be • _ `, •
.Clark, and , l ex ,
peat 1 wa.sjost as drank as any man
could get." •
“You own right np, do you ?” asked
"I. never lie," replied the. prisoner..• , -‘1
was going out to steal 86111€:p6ultry,whea
I tnet. a. Friend- and . got •
: "You steal hens, do yOu r •
"liave l • th , ? Ever: steal 'anything
else 11 - •
"Yes, sir r' •
. "Ever in . jail ?"
wrwioe- in jail and ones in. State Pri?,
must : bo a hard tase;, Mr: Clark.'
"I am,•sir ; I suppose I'm the tougheS
customer in town." •
After an' earnest look at the prisoner
his Honor asked :
"Did you ever murder' any one r
r was thie rpaitit repjy,„ :
Ttiefe was a bad break
n the. conver
sation. The court scratched- his .head
looked around and said :
"Well "Tin -- tulip go. on t 'want to
send.,you to the House of Correction on a
charge of drunkenness when yon . are
liable, to be arrested ibr. murder and Sent
up for life." - 1 .
-The, prisoner was lath. to leave and as
n~jxhlt.t - him out he asked
"What sort of a story must I tell to.
get up there 'where 'I can - - get square
living until navigation opens ?"—Free
The tiiheiiieniiiea eieitel man
called ht war Central Station and demand
ed a warrant tor the 'arrest of his neigh
bor for elander. He was told how, to
brink abc;ut Stich' 5.. tv ;result _
, and'thert he
\wanted to know..hoci much damages he
could probablp'ever , • -
"W bans the - slander'?" 'asked ± the cap
"Why he says I stole two hots and Was
4ent, to •
"And didn't'you steal two hogs ?"
"And didn't you io to jail P:'
"Well, then,-16ii :ban- it be' s. slander
for him to say 80 ?" asked the captain.
, I just Want this town to.nn-der
itatid74l3optta the indigtiant
a felloi- can go , to tYtitool
pll ortiiiitobioact , o4llV.
rnErAns roxt, WINTER I
NEW. STOCK OF
PALL & WINTR GOOiE
WOOLEN SHAWLS, CLOAKINGS,
it G. R. & Co's.
PLAID AND PLAIN WOOL AND
MOHAIR DRESS GOODS. SILKS,
• DRA.I3 TE DES ALPA
CAS, BLACK AND
FLANNELS;•: ROSE BLANKETS `
MARCEILES , BED SPREADS,
WOOL TABLE SPREADS,
TABLE -LINENS ; TOW
. Fs,. NA PKINS
A large assortment, and cheap,
LADIES' AND CHILD RENs' MERINO UNDERGA4-
RENTS. MERINO AND WOOL HOSE. FELT
SKIRTS, GLOVES. &c.. &c. ALL SIZES
;AND QUALITIES, t
Prices to snit,
MILLINERY GOODS. RIBBONS, FLOWERS, FEATH
era, BLACK AND COLORED, SILK AND COT
TON VELVETS. TRIMMING SILKS.
At G. R. & Co's.
A fine variety,
DRESS AND CLOAK TRIMMINGS, LACES, FRIN
GES, BUTTONS. SILK TIN, CORSETS, EM
BROIDERIES, ZEPHYR, WORSTED
AND FANCY YARNS. CAN-
VASS. NOTIONS AND
Always in great variety,
DOMESTIC GOODS, BLEACHED AND BROWN
SHEETING'S AND , SHIRTINGS, CANTON FLAN
NELS. CALLICOES, DENIMS. TICKINGS
AND CHEVOTT SKIRTINGS. AL
' WAYS A FULL ASSORTMENT
THE MOST POPULAR
And prices to salt the times At G. R, & Co's.
CARPETS, OIL CLOTHS: MATS. DIU:MOWING
FURS, FURS. FURS. BTPFALO ROBES. HORSE
BL LINNETS, LAP ROBES, ite..
At G. R. at Co's
- fta -Padt. lolittnn.
Men and boys` ready-made anite,_ a large stocit.l 'COM
plate assortment of beet goods, warranted to give sat
isfaition. ---,knees to snit the times at G. R. i Co'a.
OVERCOATS OVERCOATS' 1 . 1
For Boys', Youths' and Men. Al!lofts. Qualities mkt
prices from $3 t0311C., Supply your wants at O. 8. ,
, Our Outtom Department.
Large stock of fine eassitueres. oths
Measures taken. good fitting and orkmanship guar
anteed, Prices fu ll y 20 per cent. 1 a than out of town
~Call and leave your measure at a. R. & Co. s.
Gents furnishing goods. White and colored cetto
Shirts, Wool ,and Merino Wrappers and Drswe
Flannel and merino Hose, 'Kula Jackets, Comforte •
Ties. Bows, Mufflers. Gloves, Trunks. , Satchels, &c
&c., the largest variety in town, at G. R.. t Co's.
! & . CAPS ! OAPS .
At 0. R. it. Co's,
GUTTENBERG, ROSENBAUM, & C
M. S. DESSAUSR, Managing Partner.
Montrose, September 29th. 1815. ' •
TR, ABBOTT & JOHNS°
Whelesale and Retail Dealep in
IRON, :STEEL, iNAILS, BLAC
SMITHS' SUPPLIES, FARMERS
AND •MECHANICS' :TOOLS.
Agents foi I
Owe !eoVaiii • SiVt(boi. j 4::*00
SEAkr SitßlNt+B, STEEL . TIR
TOR, CALKS and CALK WTERL,
BURRiTt'S CORN. SIIELVER , All
THE IMPROVED' BURDICK
forCii4.2 on fin tris
• 87 Wilellingt4 St 9
• BINGIRIA.3ITON L N.
Oct. 14th. iErrs.-24. ,\
.1101;M . E. :
)OIIN . S. TARL'ELL; P 4914 At
NilMPAgullind Hack: , fer.vo Otie. 11otilse (tat ygr
voctinv With the lifoutrOae tha-Lahigh Val
Railroad. and the D. L. W Railroad. •
At G. R. a Co's
, A. S...MINEW RTNOHAMTON, .N..' Y.',
At G. R. & Co's,
EVIIIY.SII'.IIi -- Or_fLINT:'AINDIOIIIION.CIUNEYt
Bronze Lamps, Opal Lamps, All Mass Lamps, Hand Lamps.
Burners, Wicks, Shades, Shade Holders, of/4c.
At G. R. &Coe
Address by Mall Promptly Attended TO:
j, EAT JOB - PRINTING ; ,;• AT. THE LOWEST RATEQ
We are continually; adding n e w material to our office, and with our 10
Large Stock of 308 TIPS and FoIIR - Printiag Plisses, we Defy Oomepetion
At W. 'W. Smith & Son's
Extausive Pa rulture War srooto you *Mud the largest
To be found in this section of the country, of his °wit
manufacture, and at prices that cannot tail to give satis
faction. .They make the very best,
LT 135 .13. °loiter 3r Ver rc.
Of all i 4 ads done - In the nesieit man.ner.
PURE NO.I MATRASSES,
AND COXMON M.A.TRASSES
. • .. r .
Tho anbetriber will hereafter make tin, nderuticing a
1 l i
specialty in hi business . . "%yip jutt completed a
NEW and the cat elegant REA E :Bathe State i all
needing his se cee will be atten ed to promptlyand at
satisfactory c ges. -
BOYD & CORWIN
_TI :.A.D : ID. :: - MIEETITRON : ;WARE,.
-j '':-,-.,'.'; --- T.' , iri.,,J_.'. ;!,=•.•;
'BUILDERS' HARDWARE, --
We have:tedet Oir 1
• - • • 1 1 1 4- •
. tt t
-N ' : l 7t_MrtYiNg l -1 11 N2/LOb i Di c p s - 27
- 11:1111L vie ." 'yaw* , q 0 tem -
7 -:.cr:i,re4:t I . '
.I'ettia; , ': .1P :ti: :,.
'GEORGE ..' L.
6 just returned Iron' Nelv York wittra large and complete assortment of
- GOODS,:, C
Mats and Caps, Ncgo4s, , . - &0.,
his large, "temporary'- on the ,National Hotel ground& We ehill
remain here. until our new
BRICK STORE IS COMPLETE ON THE :OLD GROUND.
; . • , .1* • ,
nr stock is new and bought with 'care. • We will, us; heretofore, offer the largAt
asso - rtmeneand best bargains in the county.
("Sutter and Produce' shipped. Highest price and prompt returns guaranteed.
oney advanced when desire&
_Bend, July • 7th, 1.876.
TIN 47.19..X 3 ALN1VE1X, 37174611LZ1.
Prices Guaranteed as Low as any House in Southern Need. York.
Both Price and Quality, either In Plain MO. or ColOred Work.
FIRST CLASS AND COMMON
In Lhe Contitrp , and WAREArr them.
a 43r .1B zi ro as
OF VARIOUS ICIN6B.
W. MAWR tr. SON.
Montrose. rs.. : Zan. . 1
Corner of *obi and Tuppike Stop
21ACCOTVX 1 3Eta1sill. 1041 L.,
~:_,EiPT.C- V 316311. ~ „,,,
Nair ° Its , " tho MICeI4,
Thanks to nor Prjends for Past FivOrs.
Fel!i. 4. fsria
OTHING, BOOTS. & SHOES
WHOLESALE DEALER IN
SPECIAL iNDUCEM Eng IN
ALSO, MANUFACTURER OF
= •a I
March 81; 1875.
In a L'i r aS &
CARPETS, OILCLOTHS, DRUGGET,
MATTINGS, WINDOW .
PAPER. HANGINGS AND ENAMEL
.• CL9THS, COTTON YARN,
, , 00,FFIN T RIM.
, ' MINGS,
PLATED WARE, DRY GOODS AND
, - OILS, REPO,
DAMASK, ALL OY DR. JAYNE'S
TRUNKS, UMBRELLAS, RUBBER
**trees; January ,l, ISTi.
No. 48 k 50 Washington RI
BINGUANITON, N. Y.
Would tiveitially qll atte 4 tion to their loge slw;
Na 17 ra, xer mr zo
which tbt7 ere iewrjg st trout It• to 80 per cot.
then heretofore. A full seeortment qt
PARLOR, DINING ROOT and KFFCRZN PURIM
Parlor Bats, f*om CIO upward. Chamber Setts NM ?
$4lO upward. Mattresses from $4 upward. Faro Vh x "
Mattresses from slo' to $l5. Oak, Ash and Waling
Ilizteuslen 'Fables firm $6 to $lB.
You can do better by purchasing your goods of us tha_
of any \ dealer* In this section of the cowry. We ww
not be undersold by any one east of New Yeti City-
No extre charge re! par e lsieg or delivering goods side
We deilie to shift 'word." In. tills line we hava
Patent (*that, and a Variety of other stylus Be
hobos, tibroudsi etc.
The hearse and Carriage attached to 'our establlkiv
racet Cattllet be surpassed in this suction. Thei.e sfo
be furnished to those who require, at a reasons 10
-ore, anywhere within a radine of twenty miles
thus city. Give hint..a
P. J, DOIs;LF
4bira ' tti 41t1,_fo" "Jies ,tp7promitly Attadt:l
to:, - StitiditAlob gUAtattited; • " • Vb.
reftlifieVlllo. ; AP‘Tik i I.4M
HAWLEY & CRURER.
B. R. LYONS as CO.