Id 4 F- SCHWEIEK, the GOESTmrnoff-THE uhioh-aid the eutoboement or the laws. Editor and Proprietor. VOL. XXXIII. MIFFLINTOWN, JUNIATA COUNTY, PENNA.. WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15, 1879. NO. 42. g, p Ha , H ICHf 1 H. T. HELMBOLD'S COMPOUND FLUID EXTRACT BUCHU. PHARMACEUTICAL. j n i i SPECIFIC REMEDY FOR ALL I I DISEASES or thS LADDER & KIDNEYS. ! For IVbilitv, Loss of Memoir. Im.tepo. ti.ia tv. Exertion or UuMiiess, Shortness of fcAih.TrnuM-t witli Tiiouirlitof li4eae, mui!itof Vision. Tain in the Back, Chit, a: a H-d l. Ku.h of Bkxwi to tUe ilcua. F&le tntivnm. ami Dry Skin. li uift-r symptoms ure allowed to eo on, ?-rr irt-.;uMii)y fcrlleptic Fit anT Con Kajpt:oi. fallow. Wheu the constitution :rt-"Oi' ttttt-ct-d it requires the aiit f an tETiomuiiir medicine to st lengthen aud tuitc up the eysttiu iiich "Helmbold's Buchu" DOES IN EVEHY CASE. UP UMj IS UNEQUAXILD rranv rrnie.lv known. It Is prescribed by tj Uiost eminent physicians all over the uiia. Hi KLciimutism, Spermatorrhoea, Neuralgia, Nervousness, Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Constipation, Aches and Paint, General Debility, Kidney Diseases, Liver Complaint, Nervous Debility, Epilepsy, Head Troubles, l'aralysis, General IU-Health. Spinal Diseases, Sciatica, Deafness, Decline, Lumbago, Catarrh, Nervous Complaints, Female Complaints, &c Htaiiaehe. Tain tn the Shoulders. Conprh, h.ziin!-. Sour Stomach. Krupttons, liad Ti--le in tlM U..HII1 ulnitj.t inn tt the H-art, Hin in the region .f the KMneys, ""J a tliiuand ot)ii-r painful symptoms, j Helmbold's Buchu Invigorates the Stomach, n1 Mimolates the torpid Liver, Bowels, K;in-v to health v action. In cleannlng UftTNl or all impurities, and Imparting life ami Tinor to the whole system. A i!!le tri .l will lie quite sufficient to "ivih, the most heailaUug of its valuable MueJial qualities. RIGE 1 TER BOTTLE Or Six Bottle tor S& filmed to any address free from observa- -"tlcnts" may consult by letter, recel v "S tlie name attention as by calling, by U5eriii(; the following questions: Give yonr name and post-offlee address, '""'? ana suae, and your nearest express tinier t Vour ace and sex T "wurmtifia? -Marni or single t 1 --ixlit. weight, now and In healtht ' lon have you been sickT ' 1 our couipleiion.oolnr of hair ami eyeST i i ve IOU a -topinR or erect galtt '.elate witliout reiw-rvation all yon "ow ai,ut your case. Knclone one dollar "t'on'uUatin fee. Vour letter will then fr'vouratieiiiion.and we will give yon ? nature of vour 1' sense and our candid 1'iuion coiicrrning a cure. c.)!1M.t,Ilt i'lvsit.ians attend to corre r''1'1''. All letteis Khnuld be addressed sliVrp,'".s,ll0l'y. Iil7 lUhert treet, fhlla IL T. I1ELMB0LD, Druggist and Chemist, Philadelphia, Pa. EOU JlVKRVWHKI. HOW. W'licu I aui lying pale aud dead. Come not, dear friends, around my bed, Aud pour your loan in deafened ears And waxli my hee&csa face with tears. What thrill of hope or ten Jerueas Will beat beneath my burial dress ? What look of gratiln lo arise Aud lift :ho lid of sightless eves ? What loving voice escape those lip. From which no speech or language slips ? Alas ! I cannot rouse au J say : "If ye lament me I will stay." Speak while I hear, at.J while I Ions To feel jour love is true and strong. While peace can soothe my troubled Uow, Wait not to miss me; hold me now ! Set not yonr kisses oa my cheek. Kor on my moutlt, too cold to speak ; Aud iu your fruitless grief forbear To shtd that swettuee on my hsir. In 1 fe I long t feel their breath, I'-ut what are kumos worth to Death ? Like blossoms dropped on ico aud snow. Like songs when howling tempests blow, A wasted fiift, a vain caress That might hare Lecu a power to Lless. A longing auawcred all in vain, A tout h that death must needs disdain. That might a life with joy endow. Oh ! if you kiss me, kiss me now. Remember not whf n I am cons The deeds 1 did or would have dene, ! Mow much 1 loved, how vainly strove To find au answer iu vour love ; ! Nor weep to think w hat loss is voura. Since milhir life nor love endures ; I Siv ut with t.rj aud cies and prayers : Would that we showed her tndi-rerer carss, Had patience with the faults we knew, dun,; to the l.etrt bo warui and true, rut now we weep with hopeless paiu Aud kuow will never cjme again." Oh ! breaths not theu the useless tow ; Uut if you love me, love me now. Nor. standing round my wintry grave. Too late to servs me or to save, Fliug on it all yon hare to give, "At iat her follies we forgave !" Au angel might repel with sorn Such speech of poor repentance bora, Might weep to see such Lcv.te pride Pam coldly by a coiliu's side. No ! if within your hearts there be A liud but slumbering thought of me, A memory of the vanished past, Of hope, cf peace and love at last, A speechless prayer, a eilent sense That sometimes speaks in my defense. That says : "Oar life is not too long. And we, perhaps, were eoiuet nies wroug." Oh ! listen to that pleading voice Aud bid a Hv.ng heart rejoice. If late remume or grief allow Torgiveneos, then foigive me now. A Hurried Dinner. "Oh, see here, Lizzie, I shan't lie home to dinner to-day ; there's a lot to do at the office, and I'll not come home." This speech came from niy liege lord, Charley as he popped his head iu at the front dour, after he had started to his business. "All right," said L The head popped out aain, and I added ! .uvutot. t tomyseif: "Mighty glad of it, I wont have y dinner to get, and 1 will have a good day to j work up stairs , r i 1 cicareu awaj me mrnua, "- up the rooms, and after that took myself off up stairs, i course, as I had no girl I was obliged We had not been keeping house 'O" ! to removc tUe ,,la, anil j.Hn? on the d, long, aud I made it a rule not to let things j ..,, TIlu, .M nlrp. l-coiiie soiled by using, but to keep them le:in and fresli. Hut up stairs there were certain trunks and Ikixcs that needed reno vating : some of the summer clothing was to lie packed away, and the winter wear got out and made ready for use. I tied a handkerchief over my head to keep out the dust, pulled trunks aud boxes ! out of the closet, and set to work. I was iu the very midst if it when I heard foot- steps at the front door, anil direct'.- it j opened. It was Charley, I knew, for he j had a latchkey and was accustomed to let , himself in. I jumped to my feet. "harley, and not a sign of dinner!' I , exclaimed. He said he couldn't come. I What can have brought him?" ! The sound of voices, as I stood listening, ' assured nie of what Charley had brought, j Visitors, and I in snch a plight. Charley came running up stairs, with his face in a glow. 'Why, why, little woman, what's all this ? I couldn't find you anywhere down stairs, isn l n uinner hum.- i "Yes. Charley, but you said you were i not coming home, and I didu't waut any thing for myself. " "Well, I I wasn't. But who do you think I met 1" "I don't know, I'm sure." "It was Liston and his wife. They were on their way to a hotel, but of course I wouldn't allow that. I just brought 'em home with me to dinner. " I have no doubt there was a spice of irony in the tone in which I answered, calmly : "Yes. I sec vou did. W ell, 1 nope you also remembered to stop at the butcher's and send in something for them to eat." "Well. I declare, little woman, 1 forgot - - ... wa the butcher. But 1 daresay you can up something. Unly nurry, ior iu.j only an hour or so to ppare. Thev're off again this cvcuing. I knew it was of no use to say to a man, "Why didn't you scud me word I" It wouldn't teach him to scud it next time. gk I only said : "Well, go down and entertain them, and I'll corneas soon as I can change my dress." Charley olicyed, and I hurriedly dressed, not in the pleasantest mood. They were old friends of Charley's and I had looked forward to meeting them with pleasure, but I knew Mrs. Liston was .,U4ted as the very pattern of all pattern hoiwckeepers, r-ever flurried or put out by anything. I knew, too, that she had means a 3. ' .....,.. -t her command, while I had neither and dreaded to receive her in such neither, l many a will Sr What with my hasty dressing, I knew my Ss w ere rLbed. and my hair tmnbled But a was too late to wait, so I ran down. j Ud fire during the introduction a. appearing my K-st I was apng my worst, as even Charley could see. As goon as possible I excused myself, saying, by way of apology, that I was not expecting Charley, and must prepare dinner in haste. "Pray dou't put yourself to any trouble,'' said Mrs. Liston, politely. "It is no trouble at all," I as politely re plied, feeling, as I went to the kitchen, that that small speech was at least a fill, for I was almost at my wit's end to know what to do. A happy thought struck me ! Oysters! A regular dinner was not to lie thought of, but most people were very fond of oysters. I knew Charley was, and I could prepare them well. They were to be had opposite, aud I was not long in getting them, cither. I In-thought myself of half a cake, which I luckily had. That nicely sliced, in my silver cake basket, would an swer for dessert, with some apples which I bought with the oysters, ltcally, I should not do so badly for an impromptu occa sion. My spirits rose as I set the table, adorn ing it with a cluster of fresh clirysanthe mums, and with what glass and silver I possessed, so that it looked Very neat aud pretty. That, at least, Mrs. Liston could not find any fault with, even if she were disposed to do so. Charley Iiad said hurry, and hurry I did. As speedily as possible I had everything ready on the table and the dessert arranged on a shelf by the otn-n pantry wiudow, so that I could put it on at ouce. Tired, flushed, nervous, aud doing my U-st not to look cross, I went to the parlor, where they were chatting gany, and an nounced dinner. Then that awkward Charley must put his foot iuto it, man fashion, by saying: ".My little wife is a famous cook. I hope you have good appetites." ''Indeed I have; traveling always li-akkS me hungry," replied Mr. liston, rising. I made some laughing reply, aud led the way to my little dinner. "Ah, oysters! my favorites," said Mr. Liston. I was glad to hear that, but my heart sank when Mrs. Liston declined to take any, saying she new ate them. "I am so sorry," I said, flushing. "Rut I will poach you a couple of eggs." "Iiy no means, " she said pleasant v. "1 shall do very well with one of these rolls : aud a cup of coffee." And when I insisted, she was obliged to j sav she never ate eggs. I I was at a loss what to propose then, so ! I ceased to press the matter. Meanwhile I had poured the coffee. I handed the cups, but I knew by the aroma which reached my nostrils, that, though tolerable, it was not nearly as good as usual, for in my haste I had made it too weak, I was specially mortified at this, as I prided myself on my good coffee. "I won't apologize,' I thought, proudly. ISut my pride fell the next instant, when Charley, having tasted his, made a queer , " '. . f , fuvi. and then tasted ai'am. Why, Lizzie, what ails jor coffee I" he asked, jj, rM to mv eves. hut Liston said kindly : ..Tu thuT(! worsc things than ; coffee jn j P. . ' . , , j 1)an., suppressed a scream of horror. Mrs. Dean's big gray cat had jumped iuto the wiudow, and was couteutedly munching my cake. With frantic haste I dashed her off and rescued what she had left only ! six thin little slices. They looked so for- j ,orn in ,ue jket that I would not put tuwn on ju tiat way consigned tij, to a smaji a-s dish aud without a worJ f,f at)0l,)gy put them npon the table ; for my b()0(j wag up lloW) anj I vowed I wou,i apologize no more, The werc mcP) ami we fluished on them as well as we could, por my ciiarley tried to appear very gay, but I saw he was deeply mortified, alHi j ti;,i not pity him half as much as I might, I think I was quite excusable when I said to him, after that dreadful dinner was over and our guests were gone: "Charley, if you ever bring company again without letting me know first, I'll never forgive you. And I'll order dinner from the nearest restaurant, aud leave you biii t0 pay. But tliat stupid Charley "can't see why it need worry me." A Man's Fleht With an Eagle. "Last week while K. J. Campbell, of Xorth Carolina, was engaged digging wild ginger on the side of the Koan, about one and half miles from Cloud laud Hotel, he found the nest of a gray eagle secluded in a fallen tree top under the cliu" of the mountain, containing one young eagle. While examininz the nest anu lis wuwuw, , j jL.uly ue heard a loud noise, and k,fOTe i,e could ascertain what it w as tjie old eagle had struck him in the ! .., i 1 ..t., ...a ml tnl-itur a 1 lace wuu oui , . u (i.rmii'h the air. alighted on a tree about 2'JO j-ards distant, but In plain view of the nest. Again the parent bird made an attack, aiming at his head, but he avoided hei, and she struck him on the arm, making a slight wound. She returned to her post of observation, but as soon as he attempt ed to touch the nest containing the young eagle, she made a third attack, when Mr. Campbell struck her with a stick and brought her to the ground where, after a severe struggle he suc ceeded in killing her. She measured seven feet two inches from tip to tip of her wing. The male bird was not seen. The place was a w ild, uufrc qnentcd part of the mountain. It has o-enerallv been supposed that the eagle j al w8ya btl!t her nest in but UlU one hl the ciciis oi ad her nest in a fallen tree-top, some feet rrom tne ground, but iu a spot s?ldom visited by man. This bird is the ono known as the gray or bald eagle. Ixve sacrifices all things to bless the thiujr, itloves. liulteer LgttoH. liultiilo Bill's "Wrlt-or-Beplevlo." Iii the course of a conversation with Buffalo Bill ho related the following Incident : One morning a man came rushing up to my house and stated that he wanted a writ-ot-replevin to recover possession of a horse which a stranger was taking out of the county. I had no blank lorms, and had not yet received the statutes of Nebraska to copy from, so I asked the man : "Where is the fellow who h&s got your horse?" "He is going up the road aud Is about two miles away." "Very well, said I, I will get the writ ready in a minute or two." I saddled my horse, aud then taking up my old rifle, 'Lucretia." I said to the man : "That's the best writ of re plevin that I can think of; come along and we'll get that horse or know the reason why." We soon overtook the stranger, w ho was driving a herd of horses, aud as we came up to him I said : "Hallo, sir; I am an officer and have an attachment for lliit horse," and at the same time I pointed out the animal. 'Well, sir, what are you going to do about it?" lie inquired. "I propose to take you and the horse back to the post," said I. "You can take the horse, but I have not the time to return with you." "You'll have to take the time, or pay the costs here and now," said I. "How much are the costs?" "Twenty dollars." "Here's the money," said he, as he handed inc the greenbacks. I then gave him a little friendly advice, and told him that he was released from cus tody. He went on his. way a wiser aud a poorer man, while the owner of the horse aud myself returned to the fort. I pocketed the twenty dollars.of com sc. Some people may think that was not a square way of doing business, but I didn't know any better just then. I had several little cases of this kind, and 1 became better posted on the law l.i the course of time. How Muith Lost a Caac. TUe court aud jury, as well as spectators, generally enjoy the scene when a lawyer, iu an attempt to brow beat a witness, comes otf second best iu the encounter. A correspondent re calls au amusing incident of this sort, which happened a few years ago iu an Albany court room. The plaintitr, who was a lady, was called to testify. She got on very well and made a favorable impression on the jury under the guidance of her coun sel, Hon. Lyman Tremain, until the opposing counsel, Hon. Henry Smith, subjected her to a sharp cross-exauiin-alion. This so confused her that she fell to the lloor in a swoon. Of cocrse, this excited general sym pathy in the audience, and Mr. Mnilli saw that his case looked badly. Au expedient suggested itself by which to make the swooning appear like a piece of stage trickery, and thus destroy sympathy for her. The lady's face in swooning had turned purple red, and this fact suggested the new line of attack. The next witness was v middle aged lady. The counsel asked : Did yu see the plain till" faint a short time ago?" "Yes, sir." "1'coplc turn pale when they faint, don't they?" A great sensation in the court, and evident confusion of witness. I!ut in a moment she answered, "Xo, not al ways." "Did you ewr hear of a case of faint ing where the party did not turn pale ?" "Yes, sir." "When?" "About a year ago." "Where was it?" ' "In this city.'" "Who was it?" By this time the excitement was so intense that everybody listened anx iously for the reply. It came promptly with a twinkle in the witnesse's eye, as if from suppressed humor : " 'Twas a negro, sir." Teal aftrr jcal of laughter shook the room, in which the aged judge join ed. loir She Dors It. Two women caught sight of each in one of our dry goods stores the other day, and rushing forward sim ultaneously with outspread arms, near ly dislocated one another's noses in try ing to find each other's mouths. 'Why, la! bless you, Mrs. Hixley, I'm so glad to see you," said one, w ith a quick, nervous voice, as he fell back a little after the Ecrimmagc, and furled her features into a look of satisfied joy, warm enough to soften Ice. "You're looking so splendidly well, too; it's a wonder I knew you. I wouldn't though, I don't think, if you hadn't smiled first. But, dear me, what a dreadful long time it's been since I (aw you it seems an age. You live in Middlctown yet, I suppose?" "Oh mercy, no we left there three months ago and moved to Hamilton." "You don't say?" "Yes but you? I was remarking to Hix the other day that I'd lost al track of you." "We're in Lawrencebtirg now, and I do so wish you could come and see us I've got so much to tell you. You wouldn't believe how times have changed with us. Got a nice home now and everything nice three bed rooms up stairs, large hall elegant par lor, lovely sitting room, splendid dining room, pantry and kitchen, big yard aud garden and the sweetest lot of plants you ever saw and what d ye think? Alex, has really got to like flowers anyhow he don't upset 'em any-more and growl all the time about their always being In the way." . "Hut Louise?" "What! haven't you heard it? We sent you a paper with the notice. Why she's been married iis months, nearly." "Yeu don't tell me ! but how did she do!" ".Splendid! A widower with a farm and three children, and a church mem bcr, too. He's not much fur looks, but he's au awful good man and stands high in the neighborhood. She couldn't a' done better." "That's nice; but is he good to her?' "Oh, yes too good, 1 lell him some times. But tney do get along the nicest kind as happy as larks all the time. It almost brings the tears to hear her call him an old fool aud a bald-headed Idiot as soon as he steps into the House, She always was so lively you know." "What do they quarrel a ready?" inquired the Middletowu lady, with a pained look of anxiety. "Why, no certainly not, never you couldn't hire them to." "But you said she called him hor rid names, and threw up his looks." "Oh, yes, of course, and fdie may even spank the children right bi-tore his eyes : and even tell him they are a pack of good for-iiothing thick-headed little beggars; b:t then lis only her way, you kuow, and she don't mean anything by it of course. It's only a way the has of being cheerful and keeping things 'livened up around the house. I tell you Louise ain't going to let the dust to settle arouud her much, no matter where s.-.e is." i Summer Coasting Sledses. The coastiug sledge of Funchal (Ma deira) must claim pre-eminence over all know ii forms of locomotion, except sailing. I know of no other place iu the world where business men slide down lull to their counting rooms. In summer, many gentlemen reside in vil las, which arc a continuation of Fun chal, reaching as high up as the church of Nostra Senliora de Monte two thou sand feet above the sea. I rode up one morning to breakfast at the villa of the Austrian Consul, Signor Bianchi, sit uated on a level with the Mount church The ride was up a very prcipitous in cline; but the horses v. ere on their mettle, and went up the unbroken as cent at full trot, the muleteers moving close behind. They rested but once, and ne'ther horses nor men showed .-hotnc3 of wind. Behind us, at the end of steep streets, stretched the ocean, whose dim horizou-linc grew rapidly mere distant and faint as we rose. On cither hand the road was shut iu by high walls, overhung with a profusion of purple and scarlet flow ers, which loaded the moist morniu; air with i-erfume. The terraces ah ve were darkened by the lack work of wavering light and shade cast by trel lises supporting vines weighted with ulu.-ticra-f Muscatel grapes. Having partaken the genial hospitality of our ho-t and hostess, we walked across the head ofa ravine to a sledge 'stand" by the Mount church, and seated our selves in a vehicle of basket-work fixed on runners with a cu.-hioiied seat for three and a brace lor the feet. The at tendant, seizing a leather guiding thong, leaped on the rear end of the runners with one loot, gave the sledge a ttart, and we were oil". Wc dashed down the narrow way at a speed al most frightful, but gloriously exciting going around abrupt turns with a slide to leeward, w hich only the astonishing dexterity of the guide prevented from becoming a hazardous capsize. Soon the increasing number of people in the street obliged us to thicken our pace; but toward the end we overtook another sledge and ordoing our engineer to put on steam, away wc went again at a prodigious rate, gradually overhaul ing the chase, until wc suddenly turned into a dark lane. The sled stopped, and presto! the excitement was over but not the memory thereof. IVe made something over two miles in eight minutes and a half. The distance has bceu done in five minutes when earlier in the day, tlieie was a clear road, Another night 1 made the as cent at ten o'clock at night, when all was darkness ahead, inteusiiii-d, it pos sible, by the lantern we carried at our leet. A rHallnl Aetor's Holiday. Castaliano was this year appointed by his comrades to organize and man age the excursion, having an unlimited credit and arbitrary powers, ami con tracting to satisfy every desire of every member of the company. They met in the morning at the Cafe de I'Ambigu aud decided to go into tiie country of course. "Yes, but how?" growled Gil Peres; "on foot, by buss, in hacks, by train?" These things are all played out. Vo-.v, 1 want to go In a break, with four horses, two postilions, bells, ribbons " "Here it is," said Castcllano as the vehicle of Gil Teres' dream drew up before the door. They ei.tered it and set out merrily. "How do you like it?" asked the manager. "Oh, it isn't bad, exactly," grumbled Gil Peres, "but slow no fun. Ifwi were only to upset, or " "I'pset the coach, bovs!" shotitcr Castellauo to the postillions, and ovet it went, amid a chorus of shrieks, spilling everyone into the ditch. Xo one was hurt, but an axle was broken ; the day was hot; the road was dusty. Never was a comedian so roundly abused as Gil Peres. However, a farm house was seen at some distance and the dissipated actors trudged wearily towards it. "Ah, I wish," said Gil Peres "that we could get a decent breakfast here." At that moment a head waiter, nap kin, in hand, appeared at the door and said : "Gentlemen, breakfast has just been placed on the table." They entered. Enchantment ! Such t spread as I.ucullas never dreamed of Gil Peres seized a knife and bounded towards a pate, "Well, have you got everything yo.i want, now?" asked Castellauo. "Everything," said the radiant ac tor, "though," he added, as a shade passed over his face, "these new boots bother my corns damnably." So saying, he jdunged his fork into a late and drew out his slippers, The .Steak. Jev. Dr. Wells, of Boston, never ate meat on Fridays, He vas a frequent guest at the house of Dr. Francis the elder, ai;d as Dr. Wells was very abste mious, there was a constant playful struggle for and against generous liv ing. "I remember," says Dr. Frar cis the younger, in his Ltminiictitats, "in particular when one morning at break fast mutters came to a crisis. Father had helped Dr. Wells to rolls, butter, and hominy so far, good enough; but when became to a broiled porter-house steak, it being Friday, Dr. Wells rose in argument, and urged its non-acceptance. Father persisted; said Dr. Wells was dying by inches; why starve himself by slow torture ? why not com mit suicide in a mure dignified manner? lie would not have a coroner's jury in his house, etc. Seeing the excitement of Dr. Francis, Dr. Wells quietly suV mitted, and received a delicate piece of the tenderest portion of the steak, on which a little gravy was poured. The conversation took a di lie rent channel: Hannah More, Tlllotsou, original de pravity, Boston east inds, and various other subjects were discussed with ani mation and interest. From the corner of the table I saw what was going on. Dr. Wells continued to eat his roll aud drink his tea, keeping his eyes on fath er, and now and then, when conversa tion flagged, telling one of his admira ble anecdotes. Gradually the steak dis appeared he wa burying it beneath j the mound of hominy; anJ, playing i with his food, at last concealed every j vintage cf the meat, and laid his knife j and fork across his plate. Father look- ed down, and seeing 'all gone,' smiled triumphantly, and said : " 'The apostle is saved, his life is spar ed; wc have, at least, got the active: principle of vitality into his system. n hy, boys, I can see the good effects : already. There is a slight tendency I to apoplexy even now lu his face; his' eye 'ooks wilder,' etc. j "It was irresistible. A smile began j to ripple over Dr. Wells' face, and he exclaimed, with a sigh : j '"Dear doctor, I feci iiuu-h better, j You are loo kind;' and looked down on ; his plate, He eould not deceive. In a j moment all was discovered, the steak ; exhumed, and Dr. Wells was forgiven for 'the immense talent evinced on so important an occasion." iluiuors of lite Faculty. Thc dreariness of the jests and the ! atrocity ot the witticisms which the ! undergraduate editors accredit to theii ' commanders ot the class rooms, vary i little in degiee from season to season, ' hot an exhibition of rcqcit specimen f of these traditionally stupid aud inso- lent utterances may perhaps serve the useful purpose of causing a few old of- ! lenders to reform at the opeuingof this new year. ! A Princeton professor remonstrating ' with a Sophomore for creating a dis-j turbance in the class-room, laid his ! hand Insinuatingly on the refractory j one's shoulder with the remark: "My: dear young man. the devil has hold of. you." "Some of the gentlemen of this ; class are evidently cut out for proles-' sors," said one of those at Rochester I'niversity ; "tiiey have such a thirst ! tor imparting information iu the class- ' room." A Sophomore at Tufts in j translating Horace was stoptied by ' "faba" which the prole-sor told him i signified "bean," and then, as the1 translation was still delayed, added, "Well sir if you know beans, you j ought to be able to proceed." Gentle- I men '' exclaimed a Middlebury pro-' lessor, "If you can't spend less time on ! euchre and more on German, Mrs.! II amnion 1 will get after you and burn i you all tiii" the allusion being to a woman preacher, noted for vivid rhet- ' oric concerning the future piinUhment ; of the wicked. "Where did you tell me to begin, Professor?" a.-ked a Har- vard student who had lost the place. : "I did not say, but you can go on where the last man left olf," was the I cra'ty lespo-.ise. "Comic" sections at i Columbia were thus described by the I Acta: "Sir," thundered au irate proressor ; as his right hand described a paraliola j in tiic air and his eye shot a double or- j dinate of wraiii straight through the . focus of the oflending Sophomore, "Sir ! how shall I characterize such a deliui- tiou of hyperbola as you have just giv- en me "I think," meekly responded the; wretched Soph., convulsively twining: his legs around the sub-tangent of the j chair," "I tiiink I shall call it hyper- bolical." "Xo sir !" came tho crashing reply ; j 'it is simply diabolical!" And Mien ' the stern lcatures of the arbiter o" fate ! relaxed, as he eliminated his victim , from the chair aud described the cir- cumfcrancc ol a British duck's egg in : the register. . As an example of what a college of- ficcr can do in self-defence, the follow- ; ing curient story maybe once more: reprinted ; "A very tire-some civil en-. gineer had been vexing the righteous, soul of one of the university professors who, for a joke and to rid himself ofj the nuisance, sent him to Dr. B. B j with his engineering schemes as to a , congenial and sympathetic soul. He therefore came with high hopes and i unfolded his schemes several times; with wearisome multiplicity of detail j to the devoted professor, when the i listener's impatience made itself felt. The engineer contiuuedto say "just one i moment, Professor, one thing more.' j Finally, his hearer's much tried pa- j tieuce showed signs of utterly giving , way, whereupon the patentee again J said :"I only want to show you ouc j more thing, Professor. I have invent- j ed a short method of boring a moun tain, which I think will prove very valuable.' My dear sir,' burst lorth the wearied listener, "if you would only invent a short method of boring individuals you would indeed confer a lasting benefit on the human rate.' The engineer departed." A ui out: Fobtr Bears. Three of the crew of the steamship Intrepid, Captain Soutar, had a very exciting adventure at the Greenland sea fishery this season. During the lime that their vessel was fast beset among the ice, three of the crew Thomas Royal, Wolverhampton ; James Winter, Peterhead, aud William Mul ligan, Dundee set out one day to pay a visit to the ship Perseverance, of Peter head, which lay apparently about four miles distant. After walking about two miles it was seen that the distance between the two ships hail been mis judged, and that in reality they were six miles apart; and the dangerous nature of thejouruey began to dawn upon the seamen when they realized how far they were from any vessel, the sealing clubs being tlieonly weapon with which they were armod. They deliberated whether it would not be the best course to return to their ship. One of the trio insisted on mak ing the journey, while the others were of the opinion that they should give up the attempt. In the midst of the de bate a she bear with one cub arrived, and as she was fast coming up between the men and their ship, the only chance of est aic was to run on the hope of reaching the Perseverance. When the men took to their heels the bear quick ened her pace, and iu a short time was close upon the sailors. To attempt to face the animal with their clubs was useless, and, accordingly, one by one o the men took portions ol their clothing and threw thein on the ice. In this way the pi ogress of the bear was retarded, as Bruin stoped to siiulf and tear at each cf the articles a She came up to tneui. By this stratagem the men were enabled to keep a little ahead for about two miles. They had parted with most of t'p-ir clothing, one of I tlnm had but his panf, a cravat, and a I ue was troubled with a sty iu the eye. woollen shirt upon him.' He had re-1 The doctor hastened to his work. but lamed possession of his club, and las-! "rtaiu Instruments were nteilid. Ho tening his cravat to the end of the ' required at lea-t two as-i-um-, etc. weapon, he raised L as a signal ol dis-i etv ?;ir H'""lon Lowe made haste to tress, and forlunatclv the attention of j M1lH5y a11 demands, lie sent the crew of the Perseverance was at- j bo:it t0 a!l E,l:-rlil1 frigate, at anchor iu traded to the perilous position of the j thc 0,lln-' with rt"l!' for two na threc seamen. Several of the crew of ! val s"1"'. supplied with everything the Perseverance immediately set out, j .... , r. armei with guns, and, after running: i . m .i . .i .i abou", a nule, they came up to thethne . .. . . ., , , just in time to save them, as they had : almost no clothing left, and were ex- I haustt d with the chase. Tha bear and her cub were so close behind the res- , l i . ; .. ! eueL-inamiev l.u u.mvuil, m r.'iri-lilii 9 ittitii n ifli cv lmlUfj Tim 1 ' iv tiiiig aiavau it lilt ri,ut wua tv A i following moruirg the three sailors ro- turned to the Intrepid, liiey wer j escorted part ofthe way by a number cf the crew of the Perseverance, and the i male bear Laviug been seen in the vi- j clnity, apparently on the lookout for the she bear aud her cub, he was like- wise killed. I Andubnn auil the Snake. During Mr. Audubon's life in lien-, ,.,at tiiC completion of it must be post-der-on. Kentucky, he pursued the poned until tho i.ext morning. Tliey study of ornithology, frequently go-J determined to go to bed and resume ing to the woods aud remaining their work at daybreak. First tliey there two or three months at a visit, j covered the Etnporer's body with a I' pon one occasion he followed a hawk i white cloth which th -y sprii-kl,! and peculiar to this country, aud, so anx-, saturated with certain liqijUU to pr ions was he to become the possessor ofj vent putrefaction. The .ari inur the bird, he pursued it two or three; nal organs that had bee.i removed d.iys,finallv succeeding in killing it. He j were placed in metal cr.p-, oa the was never known to stop tor streams of j operating tatle. Then the three -per: any kind; he would swim rivers or j tors went to their rooms and slept pro ereeks in pursuit ol any game or bird ' fouudly. lie might be iu search of. At one time j They had hardly been asleep an hour he watched a flicker, or w hat is com- j when Marchand, the valet ot the dead uiotily known as a yellow-hammer, un-i Eniporer, knocked at Cartweli's, door, til he saw it go in a hole near the top calling out "Come down, sir, quick ! a of an old tr-je. He immediately climb- great misfortune has just happened." ed the tree, aud, running his hand into ! ''What is it ?" said the young surgeon, the hole to get the bird, caught luld of ; appearing in his uniform, "oh, sir, a large black snake. Pulling it out of : the Eniporer's heart has been eaten by the hole, and seeing what it was he im-i rats !'' It was true. The island was mediately let go and lie and the snake ! iufestcd w ith rats. They were as thick both fell to the ground. Mi. Audubon I as the English. While .Marchand was iHcd lo tell thii story, v. ith a good deal out of the room, some rats had rushed of humor to the many who often won- I hi and finding the heart ot the cou dered at the risk he would take l i the 1 qneror of Austerlitz iu a basin, had pursait of this great study. j made but a mouthful of it. The valet, on returning to the room, saw them Al "r " ; scamper away, and all he could do was The hero of "R .bin Adair" was well I to announce the irreparable lo-s. t.,..,v.. ; i f,j,!,i,i..;r.! W1,at was to ,Kj,ie- lll! Ici cles of the last century by the sobriquet of the "Foitiiuato Irishman;" but his i . ,., , . i parentage and the exact place of his: ' . , ,, . . i uiriu are uiihiiowii. ne was oroiigni ; up as a surgeon, but "detection in an1 ... i i It tin precipitately , ,. , . . I i lti4 r.krtii iiis 11 earlv amour drove hi Iroui Dubnn, to pus ,1,1 , .i England. Scarcely had he crossed the ii ., i n , . channel when thc chain of lucky events cky ( that uliiniately led him to fame and tor tune commenced. 'Near Holyhead, per ceiving a carnage overturned, Lc ran to render assistance. The sole occu- pant of this vehicle was a"Iady of fash- to , u . folir Rl. ion, well-known iu polite circles," who n)an . T!u.y llu,!(,ritlKl:l ollC an. received Adair's attentions with thanks, Mhc Mah.ha,j luu ,d a lltu,ib(iri!1 and, being slightly ..urt, and, hearing f ulM a . a!, b lt ,)acfc that he was a surgeon, requested him j the,icart still warm aud palpi.atin-. to travel with her in. her carriage to ; Cn t(ie ucsl a he ,h ( f London. On their arrival in the me- toIlllri.L, ail(, , ai..ailts itl u. tropolisshe presented hint with a fee j . of r.nPr ., m-,,,,,. a;i,i jj. of UK) guinea.-, and gave him a general j t,e M.,t;1(,IoII a,, li;e rmhaln.ing invitation to her house. In after Lfe nt lhi KmjK.rer, withoM anv icrsou Adair used to s ay that it was not so, anl0I!g ,,is suit in the h- ist suspwtii.g much the amount or his fee, but the ; t,le exlrarii;:,rv p. rformaiice of th-i time it was given, that was of service nit;lt i.f,,. i,-.,. SN v h triI0 to him, as he was then almost destitute, i it-t,e oJ retired English "ex-surgeon of Cut the invitation to her house was I'loi.-tel is not a joker the heart ot a still greater service for there he mot ; siiecp of Sr Helcna has been resting for the person who decided his fate in lite, j thirty-three years under the dome ol This was Lady Caroline Kcpel,daiigh-j tbe nTali,i,-,. ter of the second Earl cf Albemarle an-1 1 mm of Lady Ann Lennox, daughter of the I A Cood for ril,e- first Duke of Richmond. Forgetting; Lis certain thai the s:n-'H of room is her high lineage, Lady Caroline, at the not improved by the o 1 .r of s:ale to first sight of the Irish surgeon fell des-j baceo smoke, and this applies with perateiy iu love with liiij, and her emo-: double force if segaxs hav bet-n lions were so sudden and violent as to smoke J; even the iuo-1 inveterate attract the general attention of the com- smoker will li-id a room unpleasant in par.y. Adair, perceiving his advantage, ' the morning where segars have been lost no time in pursuing It; while the ; smoked over-night. If only good to Albemarle and Richmond families were ' bacco be smoked in one's dining-room dismayed at the prospect of s'ich a ter-i during the evening, the tint ii is im rible iiifsiilli'iHce. Every means were I mediately removed by opening the tried to induce thc young lady to alter , windows lor half an lne.-r in the morn lier mind, but without eflect. Adair's ! ing; on the contrary, if st-g.trs nre biographer tells us that "amusements,! smoked, it will' take tUys bei'oie Lhe elonsriournev.au advantageous offer. ain! other common modes of shaking off what was considered by the family as au improper match, were earnestly tried, but in vain ; the hea'th of Lady Caroline was evidently impaired, and the family at last confessed, with good sense that reflects honor on their un derstanding as well i.s their beans, that it was jiossible to nrevt-nt but never to dissolve an i-.ttucluut-ut; and that marriage was the h'i;r.;t.!o and in deed the only attentat i, o tit:it coidd se cure her happiness and lii.-." When Lady Caroline was taken by h?r friends from Loudon to Bath, that .-he rvght i,.' separated from her lover, she wrote. U is said, the song of "Robin Adair," and set It to a plaintive Irish tune that 3?it had heard him sing. Whether written by Lady Caroline or not, the song is simply expressive of her feelings at the time, and as it completely corroborates the circumstances just related, which were the town talk of the pcriod,t hough now little more than a family tradition, there can be no doubt that they were the origin of the song. Aw Emperor's L-t Heart. At Plogastel in Brittany there is liv ing an English physician lu.nicd Thou:, as Cartwell, aged eighty-two years, who tells travelers a strange story in which he f ays he figured as a princi pal actor. On the 5th of May, 1-21, Xnpoleon the great died at Long wood, St. Helena, aftercausing Sir Hudson Lowe so much unhappiness that he went cray and, returning to England, lost ai! Lis for tune in extravagant speculations iu stocks. The Emperor's last compan ions, Bertram!, Moutholoi:, C.uirgau-1 and Las Cases, immediately mule a de mand for a physician expert, iu em balming. Sir Hudson Lowe, wi.o shrank from no cxikmisp, rent a physi. au Italian named Autoiiiarchi, wuo na'' attended the Lmporer when 1U'1 "' emoahning process. -,1,c t the two persons sent was a ,, youth ot twenty years, well educated , - , , and lull of ambition, and he was re- , ceived on the island as Assi-Unt Sur geon Thomas Cartwell. lie aud h:s comrade hastened to a-si-t Dr. Auti- f w ...h ., ,..,. ,.,. ; corp-e of Xapnleou I. was lifted from 1 ii.u .. i . i,,. i i . i i i .,hlt.t d on a niarl),c topped t.i:.!e which wa3 illtni.t wjlt11 ia Xapo- leon la, Iwnght with government flllldj, the small honso in which Wl dlcJ thc lan ,ie persisted In making tl)e pllbli). u.,icve to h lve b(.eu un de. Tne proee.-s of embalming was ! uot finished wheu nig'it interrupted it. i Automarchi and his assi-t:tnts a-'recil cians met and consulted. It was im possible to conceal the absence of the iii.tt nan uitu i.uii.11 uw, ill, ,-! . , , . , . , . eration of embalming having been bc- ,1..,, I...I I..,.,.. gun before witnesses who had seen it. lo confess the accident was to expose , , , . Marchand t o severe rebuke, aM the ' iioor lenow was ai , . , 'enough. A happv tin j " alrcadv w retclie 1 lougiit occurred to Cartwell. "If we could tniyget a. sheep's heart," he suggested to Auto marchi villi excessive caption. Ail the four persons present looked atone another ncrvoiislv. IipsimiipiI. ;nu! t .!i,-ti ; room loses the odor of ct.iie seg tr smoke, which is sickening to most p- pie
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers