1!l FOOD FOR THOUGHT. Willie' Inrentnrv.One very warm day in August Willie came in the house overheated and tired out with plav, and threw himself on the lounge exclaim- in? "Oh, it's o awful ht out doors 1 can't nlav any longer. "Well, be still and rest," sa'.d hU mother. "But mother, there is such a big bucip hereon the lounge that it hurt a fellow." So mamma eoes to look, and after enrcbinecare!'ullr finds nothing. By way of consoling the tired child she taken him on her lap, when 10, ana De- hold ! he discovers the bump not on the lounge however, but right in 11 lie's pocket. "Willie, boy. here is the uncomforta ble bump and what is it madool r Willie makes no reply, but looks just a bit sheepish, and then begins to laugh "What's in tiie bump, Willie?" said his mother. "Nothing much. I guof s, a few little odd and ends." said Willie. "But 1 should sav there were a good many o!ds and ends of something; come turn it all out. and we'll see what's there; lets tale an account of stock." said his mamma. "Make an in in Mamma; what's that they did when Ben Johnson died?' 'Have an inventory Yes, that's It," clapping his hands: "Now I'll have mine. Hurrah! here goes!" and with a dive he began. First of all came a shoestring; next a some thing that looked as though in its in fancy it might hare been a handker chief; then came a pocket-hook minus any money ; next a set of jack-stones; then a pen-knife; then a string, at which Willie's mother pulled and pulled dually she came to the end, and that proved to be a kite string; next was only a horse c.ietntit, then came two peanuts. "I'll bet I'd eaten them up if I'd known they were there," said Willie. The investigation proceeded. The next thing which presented itself was a pewter teaspoon ; then a pair of bones Millie thought there wasn't a tune worth playing that wouldn't come out of these bones ; then three or four nails; next a piece ol paper, very neatly fold ed, winch proved to be bis Sunday School paper, dating back some weeks before; the next dive brought a little clam-shell. "Just the thing for mud pies," said Willie. By this time Willie's mother haJ quite a pile on the table, which Willie observing, quietly remarked to his mother: "Better count up now, hadn't we?" 'Not yet, my son," and down again went the hand in the pocket; this lime 'twas only a little piece of paper with a'little ot tatty on it; then came a peach pit; next a handful of birch, and the next dive brought nothing; so, pro ceeding in a business like manner to work, the result was as follows: t. Slwstrlnsj. 2. UaiiUken i.lef. 5. f.lKel-h.ok. 4. N-t of jm-k-sone. 6. IVIlkl.l!.-. . Kite Mrinc . Teaspoon, lu. Pair uf buoes. 11. N.ills. 1. s, s. jap-. 1:;. 'lam aiicll. 14. Tall?. Ii. l'eu' U pit. 16. liircu. llor e i-Ui-nut. K Two p'-aliUls. And it wasn't either. such a big pocket, A Little Sermon. "EJdie," said Harry, "I'll be a minister, and preach you a sermon." "Well," said Kddie, "and I'll be the peoples." Harry begin : "M y text Is a short and easy one, 'Be kind.' There are some little texts in the Bible on purpose for little children, and this is one of them. These are the heads of my ser mon : "First: Be kind to papa, and don't make a noise when he nas a headache. I don't believe 3-011 know what a head ache is; but 1 do. I had one once, and I didn't want to hear any one speak a won'. "Second: Be kind to mamma, and don't make her tell you to do a thing more than once. It is very tiresome to Bay, It is time for you to go to bed, half a dozen times over. " Thfrd : Bj kinil to baby" "You have hit out. Be kind to Har ry," interruied lMdie. "Yes," said Harry, "I didn't mean to mention my own name in the ser mon. 1 was saying: Be kind to little Minnie, and let her have your 'red sol dier' to play w iih when sue wants it. "Fourth : Be kind to Jane, and don't Fcream and kick w hen she washes and dresses you." Here Kddie looked a little ashamed, arid said, "But she pulled my hair with trie comb." "1'eople mtisn't talk in meeting," said Harry. "Fifth : Be kind to Kitty. lo what will make her purr, and don't do what will make her cry." "Isn't the sermon 'most done?" asked Eddie ; "1 want to sing." And without waiting for Harry to finish his discourse or give out a hymn, he began to sing, and so Harry had to stop. A little ijirl and her younger brother were on their way to the store one windy, frosty morning. They were Iwith poorly die.-sed, but the little girl had a cloak over her. As they walked along she drew the boy closer to her, and said : "Come under my cloak, Johnny." "It isn't big enough for both," said he. "Then I will stretch it a little." And they were soon closely nestled together. How to rreserve Falling Kye-Sight, Sit in such a portion as will a' low the light to fall obliquely over the shoulder upon the page or sew ing. lo not use the eyes for such purpo.-e by any artificial light. Avoid the special use of the eyes before breakfast. Rest them for half a minute or so while reading or sewing, or looking at small objects, and by looking at things at 1 distance, or up to the sky ; relief is ini mediately felt hv so doing. Never pick any collected matter from the eye lashes or corner of the eyes with the finger nail ; Rather moisten it w till sa- llva and rub it away with the ball of the finger. FretiueuHy pass the ball of the finger over the closed eyelids to ward the nose; this carries off any ex cess of water into the nose itself bv the means of the little canal w hich leads into the nostril from each inner corner of the eye, this canal having a tenden cy to close up in consequence of the slight intlamation which attends weak. nessot eyes. Keep the feet always dry and warm, so as to draw any excess of blood from 'he other end of the ImkIv. Use eye-glasses at first carried in the vest-pocket, attached to a guard, for they are in.-taiitly adjusted to the eve with very little trouble, whereas, if common sjiectacles are used, such a process is required to get them ready, that to save trouble the eyes are often strained to answer a purpose. Wash the eyes abundantly every morning. If cold water is used let it be flapped against the closed eyes with the fingers, not striking hard against the ball of the eyes. The moment the eyes feel tired. the very moment you are conscious of an effort to read or sew, lay aside the book or employ your.elf in sonie active exercise not requiring the close use of your eyes. Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable. - Man is made tier ujon tier of fac ulties, the nature of every one of which points toward happiness. AGRICULTURE. Hybbimzlno Whbat. Another maxim which farmers generally ac cept as an axiom is, that by sowing wheats of different qualities together, they will ao hybridize as to produce a mixed breed : while even a little obser vation would teach them the error of this conclusion, and that each gram produces its owu like, and that really no hybridization takes place at all, and that "the mixture of seed produce the unmitigated evil of mixing wheats which perhaps ripen at uitferent pe riods, or perhaps require different treat ment when they come to be reduced to flour. A little study of the nature ot plants would seem to be necessary to a knowledge of their proper treatment during their giowth. Of the flowers of plants some are male and some fe- nia.e. In some the staminate and pis tillate flowers occupy different parts of the same plants, as lu Indian corn. In the larger number ot plants the male and female organs mature at the same time in the same flower: and of these some are subject to self-fertilization, and other to cross-fertilization. Such plants as 1'eaa, Beans, Wheat, and Bar ley have the mala and female organs within themselves, aud are not subject to cross-fertilization, and therefore it is that wheats do not mix their quali ties at all by being planted together; and as it is objectionable for other reas ons, it should never be done. The leaf or flower which protrudes from the glume of wheat is neither an auther, a pistil, nor a stamen, and neither emits nor receives the fertilizing pollen. BotxiSG Gkken Wood Gkkatly Wauikh l. Water in passing into va por absorbs and hides nearly l.UUU de grees of heat. A cord of green wood produces just as much heat as a cord of the same wood dry. In burning the dry wood we get nearly all the heat, but in burning the same wood green, from one half to three-fourths of tiie heat produced goes off latent and use less in the evaporating Kip or water. Chemistry shows this, aud why, very plainly, lliereiore get tlt winter s wood for fuel or kindlings, and let it be seasoning, as soon as possible, and put it under cover in time to be dry when used. It will of course season or dry much faster when split fine. A solid foot of green elm wood weighs 00 to 65 lbs., of which 3d to 35 lbs, is sap or water. As ordinarily piled up, 11 we allow half of a oord to be lost in the spaces between the sticks, we still have a w eight of about two tons to the cord, of which nearly one ton is water or sap. Such wood affords very little useful heat; it goes off 111 the ton of sap. flie great saving of Hauling it home dry is evident as we get the same amount of real fuel for half the team work. Beech wood loses one- eighth to one-fifth Its weight in dry ing; oak, one-quarter to two-fifths. Bene Flaxt Soitu. The production of the belie plant is agaiu attracting at tention 111 the South. It yields a large amount of oil. that retains its sweet ness when old, and is exoellent in the place of olive oil. We think it used to be cultivated to a considerable extent years ago in some sections, and there seems 110 good reason .why it should not be again. If peanuts mav be suc cessfully cultivated for their oil, there is no reason wnr bene should not be Bene is a plant ot Arabian origin, and in Oriental countries it is extensively used as food. It is rich both 111 oil and mucilage, and the green leaves steeiied in cold water form a thick, jelly-like mucilage useful in dysentery and diar rlm a. Its oil is tasteless and slightly laxative, and is often used in prefer ence to olive oil. Its cultivation is simple, being planted like cotton, or in slightly-raised beds 3.'j to 4 feet apart from the furrows, and one foot apart in the row s. Twenty-five ier cent, of the beans are oil, aud -0 bushels per acre, it is said, may be easily raised. .Salt to Swixe. A writer in the Country fieiitli mun advocates the regu lar feeding of salt to swine. He says that their food should Desalted at least once a day, and that, w hen they are leiag fatted, if they fail to clean out their troughs as they often do, if w hat food is left be sprinkled with salt they will eat it readily. He also reccom mends salt aud charcoal as a great pre ventive of hog cholera. A Great French Philosopher one defined a doctor to be "a rviMon who pours drugs about wturh he knows litt.e. into a body concerning which he kuows lees, in or let to core disease of which he knows noth ing." and the empirical, barbarous, nseless treatment of piles since the days of Hypoc rtee, when doctors bnraed the tumors off with red hot iron, down to the absurd wonder cures and nostrums of n odtrn quacks, would peem to lear teHttmonv to the wiadom of the Freuclimau. The great midern benefactor of the modern race m now admit'.td by every oue to be Dr. Silabee. the diecoverer of an infallible pile remedy m Aiakesi. This miraculous cure for the most painf id of all diseases is regarded as the acieutuic triumph of the age, and is preeenbed aud eudorscd br physicians of all schools. It is not taken interna It but applied an a euppoe.t-tiy dirootij to tiie affected part, it yive-i ins' ant relief, soothes pain as a poul tice, presses up the tumor a an instrument, and ult mitely cures piles by its medication. .4 ak-sis. Dr. S. tu-beeV Est rnal P.le lu medv, ie told by all iirt-c ass dm?i;its. Price 41 00 p r box. Samples mailed froe to all sufferers on a!rl catiou to P. NcUstaedtur & Co., lijx 3iH.; New York. Ue Hung HimaelC Jerry Mooney and his wife could never agree. Whatever he did she con demned, to all she did she would not permit him to utter a disparaging word. "Mollie," said he one 3ay, "I cannot please you while I live, o I will see whether mv death will increase your happiness. I ll hang myself." "Ik), please," was the cool response Half an hour latershe happened to go up stairs, and, sure enough, there was Jerry hanging bv the neck. It was not a slip-knot, however, but a sham a cir cus man taught him. She gave a scream and rushed down stairs, while he caught the rope with his hands, and took a rest and laughed quietly to think how he had fooled his wife. lid heard her rushing up again, follow ed by neighbor. Then they cut him down and took the rope from his neck, his wife, the meanwhile, indulging lunr- ously in grief. Suddenly he felt his hands tied behind him and a tenacious plaster slapjied over his mouth, his w ife crying and moaning all the time. "Xow, help me with all your might," said she, to Mrs. Barber; "these are the first things to be done when a man is half hung; the plaster compeis him to breathe through his nose when he eomesto. Xow run for the hot flat-iron hurry." And then began a system of torture for poor Mooney that would have put the Inquisition to blush. They held hot irons to the soles of his feet until he squirmed with pain ; they applied a mustard-plaster to his chest that drew. like a locomotive; they bathed his head with ice-water till he thought of Ice land. The more he kicked the more vigorous their exertions; they slapped his hands, rolled bim over the floor, and stood him on his head, and vice versa. This was kept up for half an hour, when he was released, and then his wife quietly informed him when he wanted to humbug her again to heave ahead ! A Cold SFms a kll AFTAia. Most ramie neglect lu Wuo mln. Nit? Vet acoM may turn t Consumption, and then folKmHalniriHtr train deih. Take a cold In lime, then; that Is, lake Dr. 1. Jayne's Expectorant, the well knowu standard remedy for t oughs. Colds, consump tion. Asthma. Bronchitis, and all Puliuonarv omplaints. and vour Cold will dlai neur a. well as all apprehension ot danger. SCIENTIFIC. Atmospheric Grain Elevator -The prin ciple made use of in this curious little machine is simply that of atmospheric pressure, or the exhaust process which has lately been applied with such won derful success iu the great Westing bouse atmospheric brikes. The model which Mr. Wilkin has used o far is k small air pump, rather rudely con- b true ted, yet answering for .all practi- cal DUiuoses at present. Conuected with the pump is a one-inch tin-pipe, syphon-shaped, and at the elbow or top (some three feet above the pump) is a cylinder somewnat larger than the pipe and connecting both parts of it. Inside of this is a smaller perforated cylinder, while at the lower end of it is a vaive tnrougn wnicn toe grain drops out. The other arm of the sy - phoa is extended down into the grain pile. W hen the machine was first , two drachms, tincture of benzoin corn ready to be started, some wheat was put ! pound two drachms, mix and apply to in a common envelope box, to represent j the face night and morning. Fourth the car or vessel, and the grain was sucked up at rate that was pei fectly aownisuiug. a some one remarked, at tins rate tne complete machine would "draw the insides out of a vessel in less than no time." This was mak ing an elevation of about five feet, and some who viewed the remarkable ef fects of the crude air-pump reasoned that it would be possible to raise grain only about thirty-two feet, or as high as me air will sustain a column of wa ter. But. without arguing the case, Mr. Wilkin quietly had a lot of addit ional pipe made, and, planting his ma chine in the third story of the Custom house, forty feet from the ground, had the satisfaction' of seeing it take up the wheat aud corn out of the box placed on the ground as easily as the whirl wind would take the dust from the road. The next step was to place the air-pump in the fourth story, over fifty feet from tne ground, where the result was similar. The only drawbacks were the mechauical defects in his applian ces. This settles the question about raising grain to great heights by atmos pheric pressure. The reciprocatlng pump will be supplanted in practice by powerful blowers, which, with their continuous action, will exhaust the air so rapidly, the manufacturers think, that in eignt-inch 1 i s will give all the pressure asked tor by the inventor. 1 he economy of power and the raniditr of transit, uf ffiA 17 ru In irp nf sn re. problematical. But many of the great ,intiiinfH,.irT.n.nra .. narent. Anions tnese is rna runariir . . . . t.,r ilis.-hrain vorl .-.n it tl. KH.e ti, hv making ti.....nni.i pipe fork into several pipes leading to the different lots of grain. Then the gr expense ot shoveling the gram up to the leg ol the elevator, as under the present system, is saved. To is amount ed to $3.o0 per 1,0011 bushels in Buffalo lat season IliO to $200, say, for a large ' iroa touch tl,e K00'' ? yu do lc w . . .. r BllnAnnll fivoil ntow aa t ,imatii rt . to schooner. When held at the surface of the grain the pipe, while in one posi tion, would draw up nearly if not quite all the wheat or corn in the envelope box, so that by a little moving, as a fireman would move the nozzle of his hose, it would quickly take up all the grain in a vessel. There would be a saving of about one-half in insurance rates u gram in store, anu tnere would " """'"s ucucc iT .,." uuu.?Tr lrom Dre u i k. J ". -,ululel184 niong tne desirable features of this method would e u.e cooin g oi me grain ny passing J f.nolne' a,m Ciean- .uK ... . uusi uu uin at tue same time. The Arizona Catacomb. The discovery was made about one ' ... ... mile east of Mwuntain Springs Station, in South-eastern Arizona. The cave was found to have an arched entrance about four feet high. Two of the ex- plorers took the lead with candles plac- , u in a smau uoara ana tins fastened to . a long pole, w hich was carried so that ' the light was cast far ahead of them i and danger from nits or othor obstacles i . -if ... . ! .. mus aoiueu. Aiier proeeeuiug auout 100 feet down an incline they came to the two main branches of the cave, Takinir the one to the ri-lit and le.ivino-1 r..,n,ii,.J.ti,uri,.J v. .,.:. .i. ... ! " -J " . L. 1 .U U O ll.lllll.l U miltll t-U ' WB-V luelc '"K ,uuu-; merauie chambers branching off in all ; directions, they continued their way through a rhanilier the .-.lU ofl,i, l. ! " . ..... .. 1.1 ,1. jlalmitm f iirimi t i..ti u r-a 1. 1. un.l .1., i oii.iui.iii. .... IH..L..II. w i v. in ji n aim 14 1 1 1 gy, which was accounted for by find ing ashes and other indications of fire, evidently very old. Here, no doubt I a a 1 was one ot the haui-ts and resting , j. unuc .tipac'iies. juones 01 uu : .. I .. I . 1 V. Tl . ,il kinds lay scattered around, no less than ' 500 deer antlers being seen, and other I .vi,i...i..rMr.wi,iM.,.ii,i,. ...i r u.it i v.-Jva "vnvil ua ing. Animals may have done the work j but il so, they must nave had great ! strength to carrv their prey to such a distance. Into this cavern they groop- ! cd their way. down. down. liirht and l left for a distance of 500 feet, and yet they found no end. In some places the cave was so small they would have to come down on "all fours" and creep through and then suddenly find them selves in a large room, full of gloomy grandeur, still as death and as full of mystery. Their candles giving out at a point about 500 feet from the entrance they returned to the light of day for re freshment and more candles, Upon reentering they explored the passage on the left. The entrance to this branch is about three feet high, but narrow and irregular for 300 feer, but passing through the small apperture, the party found themselves in a large chamber with a beautifully draped stalactite ceiling, fully seventy-five feet above the floor. Here was glittering grand eur, w'th a thousand varied beauties and fantastic figures. This point is about 130 feet io er than the entrance. From this chamber the cave or caves bore npward. There were three dis tinct passages, one above the other, and the explorers taking the upper one, went on and up for a distance of about 5,000 feet, until, as they believe, they I were approaching a top entrance, the purity of the air in this hall leading them to the conclusion that there was an exit above. Here again their can dles gave out and they were compelled to return, only to behold more and va ried wonders, caves leading In every direction. Here and there was a small hole in the wall, into which curiosity seekers would thrust their torches, only to behold immense chambers and shafts without bottom. Every now aud then the ring of the passageway from their tread warned them that the floor upon which they stood was the roof or cover ing of another subterranean cave or pitfall. For five hours they penetrated into the dark recesses of these wonder ful passages, chambers and complex catacombs, only to arrive'at theconclu- s'on that to explore the great natural wonder before them would take days and perhaps months. They brought out w ith thet: many beautiful speci mens of stalactites, and some fine deer antlers. The curiosity of the partv is just sufficiently excited to warrant an other expedition in a short time and we hope it may be soon, as there is no i doubt of the existence of many won ders and beauties iu these catural cata combs of Arizona. It is good to be deaf when a slan 1 derer begins to talk. Mi D0ME3TIC. 5ix Rei'ii'ESFOR Removing Frecilzs, First Get ten cents' worth of gum benzoin and alcohol. Let it stand until the gum has dissolved sufficiently to redden the aleohol.and then pour off the mixture into a pint bottle, to the depth of half an inch, and fill the bot tle with soft water. I he preparation will then resemble milk, and is ready for use. Bathe the freckles with solt i cloth dinned in the liauid. If the skin I smarts under the application add a little 1 mo-e rain water. Second Take beef ' gall, half an ounce; saleratus, borax 1 and gum guaiac, or each a quarter of 1 pint; mix and let stand ten days, shak 1 ing occasionally. Use as a wash twice a day. You can get this wash made u at the tlrug stores; ft will cost vou ! about thirty cents. Three Emuls'ion ! of almonds one pint, powdered borax ! Sour bran water applied to the face at night and allowed to dry there, will re- move freckles and sunburn in a short ; time: will make the skin smooth and fair, but very easy to freckle again Five One-quarter gallon rain water, oue ounce benzoin, one ounce aqua am monia, one ounce ram water, two ounces glycerine ; mix well : shake be fore using. Six One ounce lemon juice mixed with a quarter drachm of sugar will remove freckles. Keep this lotion in a glass bottle, corked tightly a few days before using, aud apply to the freckles occasionally. Coloring Wooi.es Goods. Anv kind of all-wool goods can be colored a nice green, provided It is not a dark color to begin with. Say it is gray or pale blue or bluff, or even an old woolen blanket, for faucy stripes in carpet or rags ; say for an old d rcss of any of these shades of color: Rip it apart, wash clean with soap-suds, scald in hot alum water and put it out to drain. I never wring any dress-goods that I am dyeing over. Then dissolve a couple of boxes of Barlow s blueing, taking care that you dissolve it well, which is accom plished by dipping up the liquid and pouring back, dipping and pouring for a good while. Have dye enrtugh to cover it, put it in a large pan or kettle on the stove and scald or almost boil the goods for half an hour, lifting it 1 fre.,ent,y l.c evenlv it ai to air. All goods color more evenlv ft aired. hen dark enough Ii.ntt nut id drain, without wringing. i . I e way to uecide wnen a coi jr is nark enough is to hold it upand look through 1 II' You cannot tell by the color of the ! K001 wet, unless you try this plan. When well-drained take down and rinse in luke-warm water, and when about half dry press smooth with a newspaper over. Never let the hot Hi have an old, fixed-over apjiearance. Forri.AR Cckes kor Wart. One mode of charming them away is to take ' an elder shoot and rub it on the part. ! then cut as many notches on the twig as you have warts, bury it in a place where it will decay, and as. it rots ! a ti' a - tliA varla u-itl i iaa noon r lit . Yorkshire, and throughout the north of i tngland generallv, the cure for warts ! is to take & black snail and rub the ex cregcence8 with, then impale it on ! thorn, and leav it to perish. As dries up aml disappears the warts will vanish. According to another form of riiarln ,i1R wart, lnlIst , rublied with a fresh snail for nine consecutive nights. Still another wart charm is to take the shell of a broad iiean and rub the affected part with the inside thereof V. i . .... .i.a 1. 1 ... 1 1 . 1 t .i 1 1 in. ..i.i. ii I 1 1 1 . ir bury the shell, and tell no one about it and as it withers away so will the wart Remember to shake off and remove nil fillet Vin i. . 1 1 1 .i i . L' . .i ri 1 1 .i r 1 1 uvurr timA it U worn. Xnthincr sooner defaoesa black silk, poplin or woolen dress than to wear it shopping, riding, or even for day 111 t,,e l'ose. nl tnen na"K i up. without removing the dust. The ... i, V. n t. . . ia El III IlltllC llll lllt.ll .llli Mil Mrt n,, 0.i.,i,i i Mio .h. coal is constantly used, grind and wear out any fabric, f irst shake both skirt and overdress faithfully. A back win dow is a gooi place to shake them r- , , ... I I 1 II fritin Tluiii 1-iL-a m cntr nlil liu ml L-ir. chief and brush the dress with that in- stead of a clothes brush. See that all the dust that settles in folds or pleats is removed. Stand by an oiien window ' auu suaae me uusl uu inr iiifiinerciiii-i .i ,i . n- . i. i i 1 . : . r : .n. r.f iliu u-liiiliiu' ..vi.rr littli. uliiln V14II VI 1 II V. .1IV.VST. V. . . I I 1 . . . null... A Suggestion. A sick room should 1,1 "I"11? s possiuie. incases VI IllllvS blll as IlltUllllt IUUI v Hlllli't in , The nnUe mad- 1 ... Dy pouring coal in a stove to replenish the fire. It is a nuisance in more wavs than one; but it can be avoided. A lady requests us to mention the very - af n. a, tucueI uh coal anJ Having it in r?adi- ness to gently place upon the fire This is a suggestion worth heeding,and acted upon wherever there may happen w ""J person sick. Too Smart for the General. The celebrated Russian General.M.tr- shal Suwarof, was fond of practical jokes. He would go about his camp in disguise, and amuse himself with cracking jokes with the common sol diers. On one occasion he met his match. One freezing winter night, during the Bessarabian campaign of 17S9, the old marshal, visiting the Kus sian outposts incognita, after his wonted fashion, came suddenly upon a sentry posted on the crown of the steep ridge, and exposed to the full sweep of the January wind. The quick-eyed Rus sian at once recognized his commander, but cleverly feigning unconsciousness, continued to pace up and down. "Halloo, brother!" cried Suwarof, assuming the tone and manner of a common soldier, '"you seem to be hav ing a good look at the stars ; can you tell me how many there are of them?" To his no small dismay, the soldier coolly answered, "Just hold on a min ute, and UU count;" and forthwith he began, 'Ono, two, three, four," and counted up to a thousand. At this point, as the ready-reckoner showed no sign of leaving off, the gen eral, nearly frozen with standing so long in the cold, made a hasty retreat; but next morning the arithmetical sen tinel found himself promoted to the rank of corporal, and was compliment ed by Suwarof in the presence of the whole army as "the only man who had been too smart for him." "Mr pear, said a wife to her hus band, " I really think it is time we had a greenhouse." ' Well, my love, paint it any color you please red, white or green will suit inc." Xone are so old as they who have outlived en thusiasm. A Sick Senator. The excessive corpulency of a certain United States Senator has long been the butt of editorial wit and spicy bon mot from the pens of Washington corres pondents. Few persons have suspected that his obesity was a disease and liable to prove fatal. Yet this is the sad fact. Excessive fatness is not only a disease In itself, but one liable to generate other nd more serious ones. Chemistry has at last revealed a safe, sure and reliable remedy for this abnormal condition of the system in Allan's Anti-Fat. Dis tinguished chemists have pronounced it not only harmless but very beneficial to the system, while remedying the dis eased condition. Sold by druggists. HUMOROUS. Tea Force or Example. William Miller attended the performance of " Uncle Josh " and saw a man thrown through a window and a skvlight.and heard uproarious applause. He went home and sought to practice the same game on his brother, who was boar a tng at his house: but tne applause con sisted of veils of " Police ! " and " M ur der!" and William was trotted off to the incarcerator. This is another proof of what is one man's meat is another man's poison. His Honor looked over the desk at the prisoner and said " William Miller, this throwing peo ple out of windows is not only damag ing in its effects on glass, but there is a faint show of somebody getting badly injured. I cannot countenance any such performance. "1 don t feel as if I should ever do so any more, replied the prisoner. "And you 11 leave five dotlars as guarantee that you won't?" William left it, but it was a close shave. After he had fished up four dollars he had to hunt through all the hallways and garrets of his pockets, and even when he thought he had enough the clerk picked out and returned to luui three pants' buttons which the prisoner in his excitement had counted for ten cent pieces. He went away with his vest pockets tunwd w rong side out, a sadder aud a wiser man. Tub Greatest Blessing. A simple, pure, harmless remedy, that cures every time, aud prevents disease by keeping the blood pure, stomach regular, kid neys and liver active, is the greatest blessing ever conferred upon man. Hop Bitters is that remedy, and its proprie tors are being blessed by thousands who have been saved and cured lr It. Will you try it? See another column. A blacksmith was lately summoned to a country court as a witness in a dis pute between two of his workmen. The Judge, after hearing the testimony, asked hiin why he dM not advise them to settle, as the costs had alreaily amounted to three times the amount of the sum in dispute. He replied, 1 told the lools to settle; for 1 said the barristers would take their coats, the lawyers their shirts, and if they got into vour honor s court, you d skin em." What a Sport. " Whoo is dot, Hans?" "Oh, dot is a sport." " Vat you call a sport?" " You not know vat a sport is?" "No. Vatishhe?" " Veil, he ish von of dem fellers vot has a leedle knife mit dwo blades, mid he open him und shuts him again und den he blows his breath mit dot knife, und den he bets a green iHitchman five tollars he can nix open linn." " I suppose those bells are sounding an alarm ol ti re," sueeri ugly said a man. as the church bells were calling the worstiipiiers one Sunday morning, to which a clergyman who was passing replied : " es, my friend, but the tire is not in this world." A certain lawyer was compelled to apologize to the court. ith stately dignity he rose to his place and said : " Your Honoris right and 1 am wrong. as your Honor generallv is. lliere was a dazed look in the Ju-lge s eve and he hardly knew whether to leel hanpy or fine the lawyer for contempt of court. The general talk is Dobson's Electric Soap (made by Cragin Co., Philadel phia). There never was a soap so highly and generally praised. It tells a store of its own merits that cannot be contradicted. Trv it. Wishing to pav his friend a compli ment, a gentleman remarked, " I hear vou have a very industrious wife. Yes," replied the friend, with a mel ancholy smile, "she's never idle: she's always finding something for me to do." ' Where a woman," says Mrs. Part- ngton, " has been married with a con gealing heart, and one that beats de- pontling to her own. she will never want to enter the maritime state agai n." Nothing does a doctor so much good as to prescribe an ocean vovage for a ick man who can t raise enough money to pay his street car lare "low n town. Kerlous Dancer Threatens every man. woman or child living in a region of country where fever and ague is .reval- nt, since the germs of malarial disease are inlialed from the air and are swallowed from the water of sucLi a regi. n. Medicinal safeguard is absolutely nect unary to nullify this danger. Aa a means of fortii Ting and ac climating the system so as to be ab e to reni-t the malarial poison. Ho tetter btomacn ut ters in incomparably the best and the most popular. Irregularities of the stomach, liver and bowels encourage maana; but the -e are needilT rectiiied bv the Hitlers, the functions of digeMtion and -tctetion are aHisted by its uie and a vigorous as we 1 a regular comtitii .n of th-i inxUiiii promote! bv it. Constitution and p'lysiqtie are thus cefeuded against the inroads of malaria by this matcbleiw preven tive, which is also a certain and thorough r. -medv iu the worst caes of interuittuiit aud re mittent fevers. Hieskkix's Tetter Ointment will cure Sore Eyelids. Sore Nose, Barber's Iicli on the face. or G rocer'a itch on the bands. It never fails. SO cents per box. sent by mail for GO cents. J uUDi-ioil nonowav x i a.. CM Afch St., i'hila. Fa. KANTNXK'8 lliuBiTUea liook of Oblecta for Children, eontainma over 2u00 nurayines of evervday objects. Willi their names making the simplest, moat agreeable and effective method for the preliminary i lie traction of children. Price in boards tLOO. cloth 1LSV. Canvassers wanted. Lea & Walter. 1113 Cheatnat Street. Philadelphia RntiiMATisx, This dreadfnl diaeass. tha doctors tell m. Is b the blood, and believing this to be troe, wa dTias sTeir safferer to try Dn range Khea mafae Iiemedr. It ia taken internally and positively cures tha worst cane in the shortest Bold by every Druggist m town. Worms. Warns a. Warms. E. F. Knnkel's Worm Swap never fails to destroy Pin. beat and Stoaiaca Worms. Dr. Kunkel tha only successful physician who re moves Ta Worm in two hours, alive with head, and no fee until removed- Common sense teaches if Tape Worm can be removed all other worms can be readily deeuwed. Ad vice at office and store, free. The doctor can tell whether or not the patient has worms. Thousands are dying daily, with worn and do not know it. Fits, spasms, cramps, chok inr and suffocation, sallow complexion, circles around tha eyes, swelling and pais in the stomach, restless at night, grinding 0f tllo teeth, picking at the nose, rough, fever, itch ing at the sea', headache, ford breath, the pa tient crows pale and thin, tickling and irrita tion ID tha anna all these symptoms, and mors, coma from worms. L i'. Ednksl's VtoRit Htkup never fails to remove them. Price, tl per lot tie. or six bottles for iS-OU. iFor Tape Worm write and consult the doctor.) 'or all others, buv of your drugista the Worm riyruo, and if he has it not. seud to lis. E. F, tcsnl., 259 S. Ninth bX, Philadelphia. Pa. Advice by mail, free ; send three-cent stamp. E. r. Kankel's Bitter Wisest Irsa Mas never beeu known to fail in the cure of weakness attended with symptoms of indispo sition to exertion, loss of memory, d. flic-ally in breathiug, weakness, horror of dieaa, weak, nervous trembling, dreadful horror of d--atb. DigLt sweats, cold feet, weakness, diuuvaa of vision, langnor, universal lasa.tude cf the muscular svetem. enormous appetite with dys peptic symptoms, hot hands, flushing of the body, drvnees of the skin', pallid countenance and eruptions on the face, purilymg the blood, pain in the back, heaviness in tha eye lids, frequent black spots living before the eyes, with suffusion and losa of sight, want of attention, 4c sold on y in (LOi bottlea. or six bottles for tiOO- Ask for E. F. Knnkel's Bitter Wine of Iron, and take no other. Ask vonr drnggist, and if be baa it not, send to Proprietor. E. F. Kunkel, No. 259 North Ninth reet, I'tulaileipaia. l a. Advice tree: enclose thiee-cent stamp. Tr vou auk Kravora axd DxPRrsaxD take HoorLAso'a Uaxxaa Birrcaa, M Cored Ev Dr. Bond , n-w discovery-- nol treatment. Send a to'? caee. or any cancer sufferer you m ? 9 Pau.pl.len and f nil direct ons eeut fre urea. Dr. ii. T. Uoui Phi ad ., 1 KnsKEix-s Irm. Oiirrr will cure all cabby or scaly disease of tha sain. :.w nira ths mwm BOOKS. The Church Offering, Kaster Mxiic! Easter Carols I Easter Anthems I Srad for Liata. i'ji cental. coaa ii luilf Ui " Brau au for.t. Rli'lf A R POVS Sew Wetlwwl for " forte. .V2!. the tU'M ..uUr ,"r'51 aiMl of c-pif. Enuu it. Amy Hook Mailed lor Retail Prlra. Oliver Ditson & Co., Boston. J. I. P1TS0S a CO.. 9B OKnn St.. Pblla. NICHOLS, SKEPARD & CO., Battle Creek, Ilor. ORIGINAL AND ONLY GENUINE "VIBKATOR" THSESKIXG CCK1XERY. THE HVrfcTw f-raitt-eavliir. Tim-.", nd M't'T-!inf Thrv-t.. r f tbi mnr! nr. Brvonrl all nt .lrT IT KI ' I Tr. rrrr v-. STK.H Tower lhrrhenNiMH-alt. Special aUrt ( Se; ar.ter. f Ij lor Mew tvwrt. CI'R rnrlfa!f Steam Thrrrier Ewlm. trh P. ruMr !,! Trartfi. :h Vuambte iupro- Mr no. far Kjou-t Any other ma or liad. THE EVriRK ThrHhiii Kvpraw 'in tlirrv to P. i f lira.- tbt an.--'iH en tw b" tLm ttr ,r.in SAVtli by ib- lraproed Mac blocs. AKAI' Rir will Mbmlf f th 9iT Xi mu vU( of (,ria ud th it.lVHor wnrt dona by aU oiber mactaiua. bm oocr poatcdon tfa dit1ercacb NOT Onl? VajiflT Saferior for hraf , -m llwW, Rt. ad :iio.r.im. lt tb So-a-ful Thrr.t."r in Ftaa, Ti-ih. Md:e. C'-'W, anl lika Wre. R-j iire no " ai'L-bracau ar "rctMaiMirig" ta Oaur Ova Untin IhScwI. Prrfr-twQ f Prf. t,tU!ti - Of -i ii trrtBt. mtc, ht ' VuMATua, ' TLrtabtT Ubtat arc Ibcm;iri,Ia. M(RTi:LOI'i fnr SimniiriTy ot Partv. otina? U-a t.tUB h;i:f ft-U-tAi I' I- mt.-l .".'. Umm CWJa Work. itt au L.tu-ricf wr Sit;'nr:4. FOI'R Sum of rat on Sdd. Eanrlna; from Sit -i. I.;if-li i(C(uc,auil tovattlu U Maab as HoTM fvatu m inau:b. T1'R PartiraUam, fall on tcr am wrt HOP BTTTTJW.SS.N (A Mealrloe, not a Drink.) cr.jrrAixa HOPS, AtrCfir, MATDItAKlV DAMi:i.ION, van ra mnr axo Burr II turcu. QraunxJ r ar t orrrta Hittim. they CTjrin VII Dteawa of tfce Stomarh. CoweU, Blood, Ltrer uin c nnarr urrana. XerrotumM. MTlea aad atpeclaL" Female Coinpialata. ll' 81000 IX COLD. I A uf be n!fl for a raw Ur j will not rare or VIp. orf toranrmittrimpareorlaJurloMfoendhitlieni. I AakyonrdraKzlaforllop Bitten and tryutenj Kxaure jot aicep. -j e ae neelber. nop Cocea Cra la ih aafe and beav Tiie Hot Pht fnr Ftotmirli, Utt T'r aperier to all otiiera. AaaiirugiMa ' T. T. C. fa an abunlnT. ami limiu . .Jrnr.teai-K, uaa of op'.um. tol-accu awl narooCc J SBOK3 Bend for elrealar. a- aAaauMMwmrM. lunmllvrvilMa. n I PERMANENT INTERNATIONAL EXHIBITION! CKNTKXMAl. GROUNDS. r o?rsi n r.RT nir.y, Admla-loa Cta. Chililrra, 1 Cents. Palemlld iirraT of Ksh'Mtw In Mrtmnt of Sci- aice. Art. Cilv-atiwD, Agricaltui.. IwrbMMca. SPECIAL MUSICAL ATTRACTION PAILY. Alwi, the Lrt bullermkatingri.sk IN THE WORLD. Open rh W.-k1nT from A. M.tol!V..W fr.iai It'. JU P. M..nl i n WMnnuiair aud H-tur dar .Tvning (roai 7 to 1U.IV o'clock. THE BCILPINQ IS HEATED. Sisson's Tidy Fastener. Tehri jfl color. A "t fr for It en p :ai. Arm a U anttl. 6d4 233 UboaIiWaT. Naw Turk. IS Thixo antawrrlnt; an AlTPr1i,innt will rtinfrra faTrnpin tltt A(tvwrtivtr anil tli nilltrb' MalifiK that thf a lis atlvr tlaement In tlii.jumi, diamine; the paprr). BlATCHLEll'S PUMPS )1, The Old Reliable STANDARD PD1IP For Wells 10 to 73 Feet Deep. MJKe? Fries List, Jes. 1,1851 3fl ADDKE-S Lstei c. G. B LATCH LEY, 4 HAKHF.T Street. Fhllxdrv Dr. tYisYV. CASE'S Liyer Remedy BLOOD PURIFIER U Tonic, Cordial, AnUKlffoau flf pro LiveaCoMPa-ArMT. Hinoc"tft, HCAn vUiiLv ACHC, Hu e IlicADArajL NicraALftiv cte a Aw. FsU.rraT.w. roMtumoa, DYSPEPSIA a-i.i it Ularajf f tht riaiaarh, l.lvtrr. anJ BlMd. It buiitla uptba ywU-ui. i y.in t LU, dont d alckn.irlva run, nor lev iLm ymiui Oaa aUltnd, am other metl'iotf dx HAui nr KeD ymtr "tt rt1a Val V J D is. n,iyo;;ri,ood j.ure,ji4 YOUR OWN tAKirn2'HSS aUUlflU Xr but prvpkrrd b l-rM. CkfK frum in favorite prwcri uon. uatl in his own xVentave prBctir for over 5f7 yrw. Huiwrior to a:i known TvBMbt. I" is mmphf mrvi" -.(. afSSrwoTa AGENTS WANTED W KXTKAOtt fI AH V I MM rJIKNT efTerMii. iiTi'l f"r Cirri -ar and T-nna U A-rmta. UUME MEUICLXE C0.9 rhiladelnhiu h14 br ail iniinifna. rvmerai HtmM.inil Ajrnta, Prtr, 5i.r. Lane Httiha hmi 7 B"x of A Lnre for .iX"a,aoC bTxprm.raptX TrlaJ Battle frea. Amlk vaar brualai far Ir. arw tit.? rtm, 9. LAjiDRBTU k .U t. S. SIXTH BU. FBILADKLPHI V PURE TEAS. 2 Titta WantM rr)h-rt I M (nillfa. tV.tr-4 rir riiiiaiim.ra t T"-k in thrunntry: aiiality and irrrm tlte !x-t. --iii n-iraT'iri' '-tin CSf I or Writ TH I I P I A M n Q - -K fartory r1llUW.Hra-i..iieal lMMTa MathoatMIla larale r rl'.lafH flaKt an. rtrhta in AiMnra- 12.UU in u Piaiw-a mMipmL avnt oo triu 'atI'inrr frv. MsDfLa li rar- 1LAM COs UUi HUM, . I. Caarer can Bvl.O HliHihirl,3 UOT,"lL f rh'.nt. nd As r..rm, bi.f "":' 'r"i "i-r r"t,T. .. AithRb l.r-.r1 -xvt ajlj 'h. r. it ; u t A-lh.ni b.-. lor .11 1 holr.. -ol.. talKU and Saury ifriaai. ttos. lVaien U Is ia m iiiu'trt4 t ircuiar. Lack aa aiaU Owa r f jnaaa laij sMfvkelu; nr. t. e. - -Treatmana . aaaaoa!alsp rf.r. aia laOUtara SC. Palls . ii al lm at-Tiul "" ortMH fw.MJ5i?u-r rl",;lo,' O ;wrrack.Iwlhab.ra ...uVJt 7T7D"rc7wra"wH13T0El At0u7 Western Bojder. Clark k T ?? i!Z White loea. -lci- V.-Ji'JXi. Mlara..d.c.rcl.r. tr. J- wDiru...:; . i. .m .miou--- IttLaVI tmmmma a HOW SOAP FOR A CENT A POUND! SHAVE INTO SSIAU PIECES FIVE BAf.S OF DOBBINS' ELECTRIC SOAP . . . ,n ,(,. la Ibnromthlr dileU " that apns rlr,in . oil ia thrw r. rf "IT a 'J" 'utjB of -,o,.- ih.e. lla. uf e..M wt-r; fclr thr.nsl! a i.e s-hlo re.naia; ' tu t,,u Thuoh it will look like aothi.x but ,. bri-kl fur .-rveral inoi to ai.. ana ui , ,w.n.f ,or hoar, time -avail d.v-1.., f.,n, .hik warm a ch"'el ivacti. w mm ,, , a r--anJ. an.1 an an..) M r nrty rn.l. of maniineit aa I -" " "" ' u ,Trtl , toa o-nt. per r.n,.d. H... lnw nr of t a,lull.ratl " to b..rn. armhin bat "-o., .wJa An, h-o.f. woaldillakefor anrotbrr mm,. sif itcnbed ..w.lb I..bbi.,. Klrnc. kn..w that it caaaot brdoae with .ay a) he rw FOR SALE BY I. L. CRAGIN & COMPANY, r -I 1 t'BUJIS TO.. n,il.dlphia. P... to trvTwho will -rite f..r It. ar.d end.- STR llrrtrrr Koap. 8KMAru.ua. THE PHILADELPHIA RECORD. THE CHEAPEST AND LARGEST DAILY INDEPENDENT NEWSPAPER IX THE UXITED STATES. IT rUBLlSUES A FULL REPORT OF ASSOCIATED PRESS MEWS. IT la'BLlsIIES Complete and Accurate Market Reports. ITS GESEItAL SEWS AXD ESTERPllISIXQ SPECIALTIES MAKE IT A VALUABLE PAPER FOR ASY LOCALITY. Prico, OO . Year, Froo of Poataj Sent on trial One Month for 25 Cents. PRESENT CIRCULATION OVER 43,000 COPIES DAILY. SPECI3IEX COPIES SEXT FT. EE TO AST ADDRESS. THE RECORD. Philadelphia. ia .-.t .--.a.V W JS av-.dA $340.00 Piano UprlBht Parlor Organ, S VJ latflWliaMMlw.lla.- k.Lll.a . T I . . -T9 IX mt . r,ler .t .Zl:- m-ni'ifv-l'ir uuitac.ir. I - " . rt r- Hut the It -c ' p.-, h brturht int. w -TaaaM. 2 aiajw. auv .-SHOW TH.S Pta;aX70w icSS"1-. II it I .a I l.ll aaaw n iV.TH lallalliVr Taaw unparalleled Success of -Mi eMaU Department fop Samplaa & S.t Tl th Grand Depot, durln, rl & SnppUea I I has necessitated an mOm, to executing ordo w. r "J y man. ba THE LARGEST DRY COOPS & ni f-rc-,--, ' . .I1NU Hi it Top Though you live a Thousand Mll. 1 Phr.ade.phfa. you can purchatetthe C " d Depot an entire outfit or the sma.lest Jri U-' Coo. .n Dry Goods, etc.. w.th the eatet Sui' Sha.!,. and an absolute certainty of the ' H-io,. tt.ntlon that paid to customed wLf0 C. tho establishment ln person. WhVlslt am- riiiiriy 1 1 ii . k ui i Haa- Precision. PmmrxtHAa. ft--M4liJ combined with the highest re??! 0- the .Ughtet w.she3 of those ,ho a now almost fauii'oc. ' anf the Crand Deoot on! Deoartment of Its fcir,H - r.r, h r Send a Penny Postal Card What Is des.red. and by return J receive, postage paid, samples of th est styles of Coods. with the width lowest city prices, besides full cartr n1 about ordering. partJcular 7 lTABUSHXn MORGAN & IIEiVDLY, Importers of Diamonds ( a tt-v ; MMm of Spectaclei ( IS AHSOa rwt. rhlladelahla. ITlastXated Price) List sent to the trad, on application. We am ly AiB-niea y ui anu ict Uiouu, an-l rii'iM". "uw '"' ""'-. io-n I,, 1 won lrrful n.-nt,oi.. (M-oit wiol v TO MAKE ALL GROCERS. rniUDctPHi . SCW vOKat aaal BOtTllt. h.e prue b. d to a.n.1 to a.y f .or reader. . fr M cerrl. to p.y the po.tase. a anol Ookbl. b Lal p-ii -. .'H. 1 Octaves, 13 Stops, 2 Knee Swells, for S85 T- Thl-.rTirifiil Piano r"p- riar!it t inn-t i .'rvin inks ft-1 . "Sew Mjla? X. I vt. lfi-nu-nsicwn Hrichl Min : Irpth. In. ; Lrlitfth. iMI in. Ibfr 111 TKirl.. SrU of fit IK .. Ul- Huinana: iT rrirx Trvii. it ttiiliriaOT: i IjLailMl .11. 1S Pnn- ri.Lif "..rt . Fi- CK tav-. rprufhc IW-llowa, with tnun-tL- It..,. I Vtam'amif ..f -i If A lit U-w. IViattV'i i. n krrp' Hm. U. and lVttj' Nw En.-vl-ii.r vtraita Orvn Kn- Swell. TKanif-.wt Hulnut I'af, and K- rant prvruh rnert-I rimh. All lat la hin frtatwwt 3U lrfunrrtim Briifiv - CVleEe Stori )il. in by lor the tttrt and mortt perf I th. hoeTer been attauv-tj. 1'bArrninir ! a th" um Terai eii'tajuati..n rntnii and ln aweet musif who hatv Wnnl thu f-oinbiiuitaun. Tb (.ujiieri burt ol harWHtnT thro n xit t. ttte H. atty f .ntrui nr.ui ! x.f irilor knet S 11. f mm m. nie belief performed by a prt.f. -M-nr. mm.itnMe. Kraalar Recall Prfe maksaea lur i i mm ln- Mr Masse mi it ta apllia Ajcvatat mtm aaia( $340.00 f will aril tbta aft liritl Orra t. r a uui 11 per ui t rrlet tm aa. If. lair -Mrw atari del Til. 1 Uat l.NL, S85.00 aaaa Itltl - 1 k-o-e peud jMir orti.- br letter or leW-m.h. aaar. a.. at UBeaL i m far k. ' 1 MMtll ailll jmm ai-e eMllrelj al ni v th.. lUnrjmUr w.rr.., f m? very 3MER reason. "iveiy "-eiveq Dy mall atoxluM, Staaor,, '. pecuar to SHverwa,, i ? Model America. H. E r Sir - f f
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers