VOLUME 3.
(from the Lrnly'e friend ]
The Pastor's Wife.
BY MRS M. RITCHIE.
"Great was the consternation in the tern
oi Sewbay, a little community on the
eastern shore "I Kong Island, when Mi.
Chase, the pastor of the Methodist body,
returned lrom an excursion to a faraway
country of the State and brought home
with him a wife! Did not know that
Vor asking, and a very little asking too,
he might have hid >li-s Perry and five
hundred dollars a year into th« bargain.
<\,ul.J he have f-ii ! ed to notice the atten
tion of the Homer- «'"> ho' evidently
no other motive hati to see ore him for
Kstelle or \lmira \bove all. could he
hare been so har iet cd as to despite the
scare* concealed regard of petty Louise
Gardener? Yet, oh ! the folly of man
kind he had turned away from all to
bring amongst tluim some distant penni
IQSS hallo whose new fa ogled ways would
di«turti the whole ongregntion.
Thus the gossips "112 N.'wbiy talked on
tlie*v«nius{ of the return. ns if the nrn
jstcr had no riyht to dispose of himself
like an ordirnry individual. It woi.ld
probably have been mure in accordance
with their views had he called a meeting
of the church numbers In decide for him,
on whom he should bestow bis affection 1 -.
Meanwhile the object of their remarks
was reviving av- t I • in Miss Perry,
tor no eonnidci atii n of delicacy eonld
avail to keep that ' 'v the bouse
until a seasonable h »ur f-r ca'ls should
arrive; her curiosity was excited, and
'•as u member of the ©hureh, she bad a
right to see the bri le ! '
"Yon ni.'i ' 'i a 'lisn.nl journey '
said the viMt-... ii>< ' * ! 1 keen gray eye>
on the fui.iij i ice -«-ie ln-r.
"No. indeed," repli'l the 1-ri'le. with a
kind glance at her husband.
' Well. 1 mean if you have much feel
in-.'. Mrs Chase;" the last two words
came birth wit'i an a*|>«:ity it is impos
sible to convey; ••but perhaps you had
not a very h inpy home, and so parang
with your (MTOti ili i not i ff ct yu.
The mild bine eyes of the fair young
bride filled with tears, hut noticing the
riitini! color on net husband's brow, she
hastened l.i c:dy to he cari-fl itwinua
lion* (hut liau lispieasel HUM.
4 *l hud h happy home, and it was with
sadness Iba le it farewell j but 1 had
Woo 11 .so lon# la miliar will the thought of
absence, an-l u»y parents ami sisters were
for in) sake, s«» T HCBl fui, that I MUM not
in the soe»eiy oi i mean, i colli*) nut
very wli ui.' She | 'uci,
and » u*»n «•> V. ina< • pa*tm
his 1 <>viii; s) n. »■} • l re»v the alien
iion 11 their un .v. <■ "i.ie j^iiest
*• Y'U I 1 v.« s >»m excellent -urinous
!r«»m .'J. ik/nuni. mmy ab.- nee, Mi?s
Pen v?"
• Uii! txioileni. » timed t lie li ly
**•l vM.sii 3 .» sii >uki have hoard him uii
w.■ idiiit- ,i w i jus what ihu penpie
WaUli I .K'\ *#kll'. .« v r *')
aci —ncVui . i uK'i si i»'.iiy, om
liti CK'liti\ .
>1 r. Onto « I n;»i k v- «■' ii a -Uiiie,
hut lit » \<*U> II V - 5) ili -
*' 4 \Ji M , ♦». piobubly £Uc»*cd a 8
much. Dni lie viMt you timing: hi>
fitay ?"
4 Uh ! yes, and I felt i. uiy duty to
prepare him tor the next Sabbath. open
ing up a iitile of tlie wiek»Jfie>s of the
people. 1 told htm of tho>e dressy llo
iuers, and that flirting Loui.se L*ard»ier.
Nobody else had giveu htui a hint.
' Indeed ?' said M*. Chase.
Miss Perry's quick eve detected the
shade on hi* brwvv, ami sho abruptiv
quitted the subject, that not' ot
his gentle reproofs should fall—not tin
the first time —to tier lot •
"A piano!" she cxe! i iue I. u.
towards the instrument; 'ytay, »\ug to
me, Mrs. Chase."
Her hostess was too obliging to hetti
tatc; aud touching the iustruiueut with
the grace of a fiuished musician, Bang
one of the "Songs of Zion."
Miss Ptrry was not iond of music—
few such persons are—and she motioned
to depart without asking lor au encore.
"We are fortunite, Agneta," said Mr.
Chase, when she had retired, "in the
means of dismissing Miss Perry, just
when we please."
"1 do not understand you," replied the
gentle wife, looking up.
•"I meuu that music will send her off
at any time," explained her husband,
with a glance of subdued huiuor that
was irresistible Agneta laughed hear*
tily, and thcu began a grave rebuke,
which was stopped in the midst, no mat
ter how.
Three days passed away, and Louise
Gardner had not yet crossed the pastor's
threshold ; Louise, who had done so
much to prepare the house for his re
turn.
AMERICAN CITIZEN.
"I am surprised." observed the minis
ter, "Miss Gardner is the most uncermo
nious person I know, yet she has not been
to welcome you, Agneta. There is som
mystery here." And truly there was a
mystery wlifch it woman alone could un
ravel.
At length she came. Agneta was not
alone, for Mr. Chase had requested the
wife of one of his deacons, a woman of
some education, and most attractive pie
ty, to be present whtfh his bride r.-eeived
company, and the two were already
friends. Louise was embarrassee, but
A'_'i;eta encouraged her so kindly that
he s ,ou her awkwardness, and en
gaged in nu animated conversation. —
Presently the d .or opened and Mr.
t base eauie in Miss Gardner was the
first to remark his entrance. ith a
woman's intuition Agneta learned these
cretol the flush upon her cheeks, her
sudden silence, and liei abrupt departure
Poor Louise, she had lived i u vain! Hut
fil'liouuh Agneta could in a few moments
discover this, her husband was happily
unconscious of it.
•'Louise Gardner is certainly changed,'
he o! se veil, and that was all.
Hut Agneta, how did this affect her?
Was she not angry, with the young and
certainly beautiful creature who had pre
sumed to love htm, and was doubtless
sadden.'<l i>y the happiness of his new
home. llml she the generosity to sytn
pall. *cwith the gr ■■f-stricken one, and
st >i< e to eoinfort her, or would slv turn
• wi\ to her own joy and so forget all?
l<et the waim tens she'shed that evening
when her husband was not by; the earn
est prayet she offered in behalf of the
suffering spirit; the written rosoluti >n
that she would, God helping her, bring
r >infort to that heart, give forth their
loud reply
••So. Mi-s Perry; you went to see the
bride?"
'•Yes. Mf IJli-s, and a queer sort of
person nhe is."
"Aye, aye," said farmer Hliss, <! how
ilo you mean ?"
Miss Perry learn d against the garden
fence, and a ided, with emphasis—
"Mark my words, this piano fingering
and French jabbering will come to no
good, uncle; a minister who can take
such a wile as that ought to be ashamed
of himself."
The sedate old farmer looked shocked.
'".She's that sort of a body, be she?"
"A fashionable, musical. Frenchficld
dob. Why, her bonnet would have teld
) .u that!"
Mr Hiiss went home.
"Pulls''said he. t.. his dame, "don't
JO.I go tiigh the parson's wife."
• • Wiiv not?" inquired the old lady.
' She's one of your fashionables, and
we don't want none of theui here," re
joinet! the farmer.
A fortuigbt had passed, ami Mrs. Hliss
was preparing a comfortable supper in
the kitchen, when there was a gentle
ko vk. an.! tlio pastor and his wife walk
ed in Mrs IJlis- toll confused, her
huiie t pride ors.iok her, she saluted
tii in, and w -ulii have led the way to (he
parlor.
"Not so !" said Mr. Chase, " i told
my wife of the many tea drinking in
this obi kitchen, with it- broad fire place
and rose decked lattice; and she came
expressly toask leave to taste the ten,
and s;t lieside the roses "
"Yes indeed," added a sweet, kindly
voice at her elbow. "I love a farm, and
1 want to learn the secret of bread uia
king. Mis. Hliss, for which my husband
gi\es you so much credit."
hat was the good woman to say?—
She could refuse nothing to the face and
smile—and the compliment to her house
wifery. She loved the pastor's wife from
that tim for h So they sat down in
the wide feces- of the kitchen window,
and haviug protested against the produc
tion of the best china, drunk from the
homely .dell the well brewed tea of which
the uiiuister had spoken.
They were in earnest talk ; the deli
cious ham, the rich yellow butter, the
wholesome bread had each received a
word of praise, and the good woman was
in her most sunny humor, when the door
flew open, and the farmer stood before
them. Mr. Chase went forward and
shook hands—it was a hearty gripe, such
as be knew the old niau liked. lie could
no more resist that pressure than bis
wife could resist the praises of her ua
kary. and he went through an iutroduc
tion to the bride with a good grace.
"You arc Leartil} welcome." he said,
"and if I'd kuowu you'd have conic to
our place so friendly as this, Pd never
have lisleued to Miss Perry, and kept
Polly away."
"llush man," interposed his wife,
'•Miss Perry wuut thank yeu for telling
that."
'•Never uiiud, I'm right giad to see
"Let us have Faith that Right makes Might; and in that Faith let us, to the end,dare to do ou. djty as we understand it"— A. LINCOLN
BUTLER, BUTLEII COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 18 1866
yod, and that's all about it," returned the
farmer.
i It was moonlight ere our friends bent
thefr steps homeward. The good old
i folks watched them as they crossed the
meadow, and the farmer was the first to
speak.
•'What a beautiful prayer he made, to
'■ be sure !"
' "And she," ,:ut in his wife, "I could
have listened to her singing all night."
' 'T liko to hear her talk, especially
about our little Mary," and he drew his
1 hand across his eyes.
1 "Yes, yes," her voice trembled as she
spokoj "'she comforted me more than any
" one else. Ah! if I were only a christ
ian like her."
' It was evening ; and while Mr. Chaae
1 was doing duty for a friend at a distance,
Agneta and Louise Gardner sat in a long
1 and earnest conversation. At last the
younger lady threw her woik aside, ex
-1 claiming—
' "Oh Imy friend, what must Ido ?"
• "You have not told me what your
deep Borrow is yet," replied Agnetta,
"but in all his distresses a Christian has
need of prayer; let me urge you to
pray."
I 'I eannot; at least not as I once did."
"Then you have not forgiven liiui who
laid this sorrow on you ?
' Louise looked up in surpiise.
"It is strong language, I kuow," said
I Agnetta, "but is it not true,?
1 The girl burst into tears.
"Youcannotunderstandmygrief.it is
; a trial you have never undergone."
Agnetta felt the truth of this, and
i they wept together.
"It is not that you have given • our
. heart where you can hope for no return?"
• inquired the young wife at length.
For a moment Louise hid her face ;
. then wiih a sudden energy, she cried
"Ask me no more, but help mo, help
' tuo to crush this love forever ! For it
must—"Jier voice sank to a hollow whis
per, "it must be dune ; be is the husband
of another now."
Ah ! noble Agneta, to hear this and
give no sign, that she might spare the
burdened heart the pang of knowing
i that he was licrs no more. They knelt.
i together, and the young, the happy
prayed for the stricken one beside her.
What wrestling with high Heaven, what
burning words of agonized entreaty, what
gentle, me tiug adjurations in the name
of "Him who died."
I bey ro-e, an 1 after some minutes of
unbroken .silence, Louise threw herself
into the arms of her new friend.
"Ah ! Agneta," she exclaimed, "sure
ly our God has taught you how to give
tnc aid. I.know lie will hoar those pray
ers and help mo to aright."
The bride's heart was full.
Louise continued
"And once I hated you !"
"Hated !" cried Agneta, starting
"Yes, when you first came here, but
you have won me by your love; stud now,
oh ! Agneta, what a friend have I, an
j orphan, iu the world, like my pastor's
: wife ?"
Agneta embraced her fondly, and from
that time the was an elder sister to the
neglected Louise. Would the result of
her tuiiion be known go t:sk the people
of Mr. Mpyburn's charge, and they will
tell you that their minister's wife—for
such Louise is now—is all they can de
sire.
"Is it possible, dear Mrs. Chase, that
you have invited Miss Ferry to stay with
y-"u whil&t her house is being painted?"
So spoke the one morn
ing as she stood beside her friend iu the
kitchen.
"Yes," said Agnct , looking up from
her pie crust, "I have done so, Mrs.
Grecti *'
"After all the ili naturcd remarks nhc
has made ?"
"Just so. I mean to cure her."
Mrs. Green's face grew brighter. "I
sit at your feet;" she said.
"Xay!" replied Agneta, "let ns rath
er sit together in the place that Mary
loved—learning of llim who, 'When He
was reviled, reviled not again.'"
' I shall have a miserable time of it,"
said Miss Ferry to her friends, "but I
cannot bear the smell of paint, and there
fore I shall go." •
This was all the remark that the kind
invitation of the ynnnz wife elicited.—
iJut Agneta was never d .unted, shu had
deleriimied to cure Miss Ferry, by God's
I leasing, cure her she would. Night and
morning she remembered this in her
jii jus; early and late the poudeicd the
mcufcs to be employed. Kuowiug it was
a grief to him she loved best of all things
earthly, that she should have an enemy
in the very midst of his people, she hud
; resolved U succeed, if success wort- nut
j absolutely impossible.
Such then was the loutse the (tailor's
wife marked out. For two whole weeks
she was the constant companion of her
guest; the despised piano was scarcely
touched, and the sound of French was a
thing forgotten. Agueta received long
lessons in the culinary art, and very mod
est'y gave lessons in return. Quietly »he
drew .Miss Perry into the houses of their
poorer neighbors ; she yielded
up to her the honor of their united eff
orts, and carefully Bhe studied all her
wants and \Vishe3. The heart must have
leeu hard indeed that could withstand
such consideration, and the fortress al
ready began to show some signs of a sur
render.
"I do not kuow how it is," remarked
Miss Perry to her cronies, "but whether
I like Mrs. Chase or not she will lovenie
and I cannot prevent her."
.And ere she left that hospitable roof
the enemy had becaino a friend and ar
dent admirer—nay, even her affection
had been won, in fact, Miss Perry was
ciXred.
"Dear Agneta," said the prist)r, "you
havi made mo very happy. There is not
one of the congregation who does not
now see the wisdom of my choice."
She laughed her merry laugh.
"'You do me credit then," she said;
then pausing for a minute, she ifthled,
earnestly, "Ah! Ulric, of myself I can
do nothing."
A Russo American Alliauce.
The great banquet given by the lead
ing merchants of MOSCOT, the real com
mercial and industrial capital of Russia,
to the American Minister, Cassius M.
Clay, has actually become the topic of tho
hour in the Muscovite press, and in no
small proportion of tho journalism of all
Europj. '1 ht French seem to bo especi
ally moved by the flaming after dinner
speeches delivered upon that very remark
able occasion, and tho English organs are
only second to then) in expressing much
and some apprehension, at the billing and
cooing, which, ever since the hearty re
ception of Admiral Lesoffsky and his
naval squadron at this port, in 13G3, has
beeu going on between the American and
Russian Eagles. The interchange of
marked civilities between officers of tho
Yankee and Muscovite fleets in tho sea
ports of France, at different times during
last summer, while the French and Eng-
lish naval dignitaries were comparatively
held aloof by our own, had already given
umbrage to our Trans-Atlantic friends of
the entente con/tale, but Mr. Clay's de
nunciatory speech, and tho response of
llie I'zir's officers to it, followed by the
enthusiastic demonstrations of the Mos
cow merchant princess,iu favor of a grand
Itusso American alliance against the
world, has positively given them a fright,
if not in view of immediate events, at
least in anticipation of a future, flot far
off. On the other hand, all the newspa
pers iu Russia that have the slightest
claim to be considered progressive are de
lighted With the affair, and laud Mr.
Clay, and everybody else concerned in
thi dinner, to the skies, notwithstanding
tho protests aud sneers of the Invalide
Ilussr, tho mouthpiece of the old conser
vative Russian nobility. The Moscow
Gazette , an influential organ, among oth
ers. says very significantly :
" The United States must feel as much
affronted by the Mexican expedition, as
wo should be were France to seize what
belong to us, or is to become ours. Mcx.
ico is the Constantinople of the New
World, and the Americans quite legiti
mately desire to obtain possession of it.
When our eagles are seen flying over the
Hosphorus, and the American eagles arc'
at Mexico, there will bo but two. great
powers in tho world—Russia and the
United States."
Difficult as the juxtaposition in policy
and harmony of action between two such
Powers may seem, to American citizens
who reflect upon the radical difference
between the institutions and principles of
the two Countries, some of the most in
telligent European political writers find
nothing insurmountable in that direction,
but coolly speculate upon the reality of
such designs aud such an alliance as arc
hinted above. The Cciurrier (let Etat*
Unit, the oldest established French organ
on this Contiuent, has been universally
regarded as uttering the views and senti
ments of Napoleon 111, since he ascend
ed the throne. If, with full apparent
knowledge of its position, and claiming to
be vol-ad in American, as well as French
alia is, it calmly admits tho probability of
such a combiautiou, and calculates the
effect it would Lave in counterbalancing
the western powers. But the most weigh
ty utterance on this subject, and one that
frankly commends itself to the attention
of American statesmen and merchants—
the terms are not infrequently synony
mous—is the truly valuable essay of Mr.
V.de Mars, iu the jjieat Parisian month-
ly—the Revue ties Deux Mantlet, which
employs some of the ablest and most ex
perienced pens in Europe. Mr. de Mar*
chiefly directs his attention to the ad
vance of Russia in the farthest East
which has so recently alarmed the Brit
ish authorities, and the efTect of her di
plomacy in China and Japan, but he dis
cerns the great pait which the United
States will be called upon to play in the
Muscovite combinations, and thence, con
cludes that it is across the Pacific tint
the Czar will shake hands with tho Great
Republic, lie is acquiring vast territo
ries, and enriching his Empire with their
resources, building railroads, and linking
bis Pacific coast with those of California,
and thereby, with the whole American
continent, by lines of swift steamships
and the electric telegraph, while the
Western powers dream on in false secu
rity, that he is merely recovering from
the losses of the Crimean War. They
will awaken one day, to find themselves
outwitted and their commerce ruined.—
Such arc some of the main ideas of M.
de Mari. Rut we can do no better than
to translate a few of the toiling passages
of his valuable treatise.
" Tho day he writes, "when Russian
policy shall have succeeded iu acquiring
the position it aims at iu the waters of
the extreme East, the only force that
could easily and seriously eombat her de
signs, would be that other Power border
ing on the Pacific, which also, seek to
rule the Continent, where it now playsso
grand a part. We speak of the United
States of •America; but, between these
two Powers, which have equal aspirations,
which seom destined to confront each
other, to clash together on that vast are
na of the distant seas, there are more af
finities than reasons for antagonism and
incompatibility. They are separated in
spirit, in manners, nud institutions, yet
they syniyathizc, it is useless to deny, in
a feeling more or less latent, 111 ro or less
revealed,.of hostility to Europe. More
over, it is through interest in time of
peace, and even iu war, that they are
drawn together in a certain solidarity, and
led to multiply and bin(f more closely
their tics of intercourse. This allianco
which is but outlined as yet, no doubt,
but of which, in the events of the last
five ya»rs, more than one sympton lias
been visible iu hightly significant occur
rences, must strengthen with all the com
mercial relations that will be quickly es
tablished between California and the
Amoor river, so soon as the grand lino of
communication that is to unite New York,
Boston, and the chief manufacturing
cities of the Atlantic slope with San
Francisco, that future port of transit for
the commerce of America, with China
and Japan, shall have been completed.—
The American traders can then ascend
the Auicor, spread through Sibeiia to the
interior of Russia, in Europe, and easily
defy English, Fienoli. or German compe
tition, for tho very simple reason that
goods which can be delivered on tho
Auioor, after thirty or forty days only of
navigation, can be sold inoie cheaply than
those which shipped at Hamburg, Lon
don, or Marseilles, have to double the
cape of Good Ilope, and must consume
130 or 140 days in rnakiug the passage to
the same point. * * * *
Some idea may be formed of the mate
rial advantages that the Americans will
reap from intercourse of this kind with
the Russians, by what they gain now.—
It is enough to recall a single fact, which
may be verified by a glance at the official
statistics. From 1849 to I*6l, the Amer
ican whaling vessels that fished in the
seas of Okhotsk and Katnschatka earned
for their underwriters, a profit oi 5140,-
000,000. What, then, would be the ben
efils that the Americans must draw from
the wealthy possessions of Russia, when
they shall have had conceded to them,
with ut competition, the steamship lines
between tho Amoor, China, Japan, Cali
fornia and the interior of Siberia; the
mining of coal; the construction of rail
roads and telegraphs, as wc now see the
case in the work for the grand line of the
Pacific Ocean telegraph.
The Americans, who are prretioal men,,
will not fail to lecognize the value of
such relations, and of a good understand
ing with tho Russian Empire. There
will be found, nay, there have already
found among them, minds to pro
pagate the rather odd idea of a grand
civilizing mission devolving upon the
United States aud Russia, conjointly.—
la it even impossible, that in certaiu ca
ses, tho Government of St. Petersburg
may find iu the "Yankees" active, or ut
all events, efficacious coadjutors ! Ilere,
England is, perhaps, the Power moat in
terested. Suppose, for instance, that, at
a given moineut, a war were to break out
between Great Britain uud Russia.would
it not be a magnificent chance for the
American Ship owners who would have
to embark on their neutral vessels the
rich cargoes which Chiuese commerce
would feat to entrust to tiro belligerant
British on seas infested by Russian
privateers. A Muscovite Admiral re
ceiving orders by .telegraph from St. Pe
tersburg, to sail out of Vladi Vostok and
fall upon the enemy's commerce, might
fuel sure, after having despatched his
vessels in a'l directions, of finding ref
uge and succor in the ports, the arsenals
aril the navy yards of the United States.
Nay, more, he would find American ves
sels to bring to biui, from San Francisco,
provisions, coal, munitions of war, and
toman the prizes he might have taken
from the enemy. It is needless to pen
etrate farther into our speculations on
this line. Who knows, however, that
these reflections may not have weighed
upon the course pursued by England for
some years past ! Who knows, indeed
that such a prospect map not have influ
enced France, herself, in her recent
enigmatic and provident reserve in the
affairs of Europe, and that Mexico, for
instance, is not looked upon as. in some
measure, a counterojove to the United
States ami Russia.
It is sufflcieut to propound these ques
tions in order to find ourselves confront
ing problems of all kinds, raised by Rus
sian progress in the remotest East. The
clearest, undoubtedtyjis that tint alliance
between Russia and [the United Slates,
is not, absolutely, a chimerical vision ;
t hat, not ouly does the Oriental policy of
St. Petersburg, by no means, impede, but
rather serve ii; that uot ouly is it possi
ble, but eveu defined, in certain eventu
alities, and that the Americans, them
selves. regard it as nothiug extraordina
ry. It is, in fine, so to speak, sue of the
elements of the politics of' to-day."
The French writer might have added,
had he chanced to remember it, that the
Russian Possessions of this Continent
are not otjly vast in exten*, and favora
ble in posi!ion, but so strongly held, that
during the Crimean struggle, an Allied
fleet recoiled with damage from a futile
attack upon one of their sea-coast fort
resses. lie might, also, have said, had
ho known it, that the Washington Gov
ernment have long held in their keeping,
very explicit documents elucidating this
whole subject. The most impressive de
duction that we make from the article 111
the Re.vve des Dcitux Momlcs , is, that
the influence of this country has sudden
ly become paramount in the commercial
and political councils of mankind, and
that iu the hints it gives respecting the
mercantile opportunities in oriental Rus
sia, our business men may see a great
and gonial light shod upon the future of
our struggle, first for existence and then
for supremacy, with tho trade and manu
factures of Western Europe
To SOFTEN OM> PUTTY.— In remov
ing old broken panes from a window, it
is generally very difficult to get off the
hard, dry putty, that sticks round the
glass and Irame. To do this easily," dip
a small brush in nitric or muriatic acid
to be obtained at the druggist's and go
over the putty with it. Let it rest awwilfy
i.nd it will soon become so soft that you
can remove it with easo.
—An old lady was asked, what she
thought of one of her neighbor by the
name of Jones, and with very knowing
look she replied :
"Why, I don't like to say any thing
about my neighbors; but r.s to Mr. Jones
—sometimes I think—and tljen, again, I
don't know—but, after a 11,1 rather guess
he'll turn out a good deal such a sort of
a man as I take him to be !"
Non-committal—rather.
DISAPPOINTED PICKPOCKET. —Well,
if this ain't mean ! Hero's this feller
agoiu about with this hero yaller chain,
and when I pulls it out there's no watch
on the end of it. The conduct of these
flashy clerks is enough to break the heart
of a poor feller liko me, as has to depend
on his trade for a livin.
—A wife in San Francisco lately pe
titioned for divorce on (ho ground that
her husband was a "confounded fool."
The Judge, who was an old batchcdor,
wouldn't admit tho plea, because every
man would be liable to the same imputa
tion who gets married.
—A child seventeen months old fell
«j\er the railing of a porch from the
third floor of a house, in St" Louis, the
other day, and, strange to Bay, the babe
was but very little hurt:
—Tho number of young Sjutherners,
of both sexes, who are pre.ttut seekiug
employment in the Northern cities is al
most iucredible. .It is said that IU New
Vork alone there are more than filty
thousand of Southern born and bred per
sons seek.ng their fortunes.
NUMBER 19
WXBPDM.
"So many men, so mauy minds."
Not always the ease. A gentleman ask
ed a crowd to imbibo the other day
1 hey were all of one mind and partook.
—"Deal gently with the (h)erring,"
as the Cockney fish-dealer said to a cus
tomer.
A wag says of women : "To her
virtue we give love ; to her beauty, ad
miration ; and her hoops the whole pave
ment.''
—Why i-i a constant attendant at auc
.tiou an unpleasant fellow ? Bscause he' 4
for-bidden.
"A bird in hand is worth two iu the
bush." As for us, wo had rather hav#
two turkey buzzurds in the bush than
one in the haud.
—A very volatile young lord, whos«
j conquests in the female world were num
| bcrless, at last married. "Now, my lord,"
said his wife, "1 hope you'll mend."—
"Madam," said lie, "this is my last fol
ly,"
Scicuce docs more for the brute than
the man. Figs, attacked by the most
fatal disorders, are frequently cured after
death.
—\V hy is a generous man a good Chris
tiad ? Because he's for-giving.
A conductor out West recently de
manded two tickets ol the Simese twins,
but the twins insisted they were one, and
as the conductor couldn't eject one with
out the other he had to let them pass.
—The first and greatest thing in rhet
oric is to have something to say.
—"Out of sight, out of mind." We
don t Bee it. We lost our wallet tho oth
er day and it hain't been out of our mind
since.
—An invalid once sent for a physic
ian, and after detaining him for somo
time with a description of his pains,aches,
etc., he thus summed up. "IVOW, doc
tor, you have humbugged mo too long
with you<- good for nothing pills and
worthless sirups; they don't touch the
roal difficulty. J wish you now to strike
at tho cuuse of my ailnieuts, if it is in
your power to reach it.""lt shall ba
done," said the doctor, at tho same time
lilting his cane and demolishing a decan
ter of gin that stood on tho side-board.
—A clergyman was addressing his
hearers with some warmth regarding the
great power which the devil exorcises
over the minds of men generally, and
just as he had conio to a climax orf this
point a bewildered dug, which had en
tered the church in .search of his ir-aoter,
uttered a loud bark, when, with a flash
of bis eye, aud giving the Bible board a
tremendous thump, the reverend gentle
men exclaimed, "Ah, yes, my friends !
the foul fiend is so bent on recruiting his
ranks that lie has sent that dog in hero
to-day to interrupt my speakiug and car
ry away your minds."
—"Do you believe in the appearance
of spirits, father ?" asked a rather fast
young man of his indulgent sire. "No,
Tom, but I believe in their disappear
ance, since I missed my bottlo of Bour
bon last night," said tho old gentlemon,
looking hard at Tom. But Tom didn't
seem to take the hint, although it wai
evident he had taken the Bourbon.
—A gallant officer having been asked
by the fair daughter of a prominent phil
anthropist whether he was an abolition
ist, replied, "I am more than an aboli
tionist; for over since I first met you,
Mi<s J , I have been a sla"vo."
California has long been celebrated
for ' big things,'' animal and vegotablei
and the following adds to the list:
Before Justice F , at San Juan,
Nevada County, waa brought a Hiberni
an, charged with assault ond battery up
on a fellow countryman. Many witness
es were examined ; and, finally, Jimmy
C was called to the stand.
"Mr. C , state what you know about
this case."
"Well, your Honor. Barney and Pat
rick had a bit of a quarrel about some
wood they had been cutting. They
were standing near tho wood pile in front
of the house, and after jawing a httlo
Barney picked up a bit of a sliver, and
give Patrick a little tap on tho head, and
he went over onto the wood-pile—and
that was all there was about it."
JUSTICE F . "You say Barney
hit Patrick on the heud with a bit of
a sliver. What kind of a sliver was
that ?"
"Well, your honor, 'twa 1 * a small thing
—a bit of a chip."
"Hut we waut to know how big it wa«;
give us your idea of ihe size ol it."
"Well, your-liouor [alter some hesi
tation], I Hung it was about two feet
lung, and about as Oig around as my
wrdl!"