The Problem
The Problem? There's no
problem here; this is Happy
Valley, Land of the Lions,
Paternoville, Disneyland
State University and all that
stuff. There's no problem.
Sure, tuition is going up and
it's tough to get the grades
you want and the University
has a lot of hard-nosed
policies, but think for a
minute: Look at all you get
when you forfeit a life in the
outside for one at college.
This place can be a regular
resort. Where else can you get
the great variety of
recreational facilities and
party privileges and social
interaction with the opposite
sex for less than $3,000 per
nine-month stretch? Why, you
can spend five or six times
that much for a stay like that
at another resort.
In all your life, you'll never
have the opportunity to
associate almost exclusively
with people your own age and
with your same basic vested
interests like at. college.
You'll never be able to get
away with half the stuff you
can here once you leave,
because you'll never again be
able to use the all-purpose
excuse, "Look, I'm sorry,
I'm just a nutty college
student. What do I know?"
Can you imagine telling your
boss, "I'm sorry, but I'm just
a nutty account executive!"
All this is yours and much,
much more, just because you
went to college.
Otherwise, we're not
completely serious about all
this. It's just that, hey, we're
at the end of a long academic
year and it's time to go a bit
mad. Or, in the words of
Emily Dickinson, "A bit of
madness is wholesome in the
spring."
So lie back from the books
for a minute, enjoy the spring
and console yourself with the
knowledge that everyone else
is doing just that, too.
The Penn State you didn't see
By 808 "SUDS" CARVILLE
Daily Collegian Staff Writer '
I'd like to propose a toast a toast to
the Penn State you may have missed.
It's a toast to those who are graduating
this term, to those who are leaving for
other reasons and to those who never
really got here in the first place. It's a
toast to those who thought they went to
Penn State but didn't, and to those who
think they are going to Penn State but
aren't.
In spite of the inscription above
Pattee, a true university is not a
collection of books; it probably is
everything else but that. It's a collection
of the people you meet, the people you
don't meet; it's a collection of all the
things you did and all the things you
never did; a collection of memories,
experiences and insights. A true
university is only a collection of books if
you consider all those who went here are
their own living testaments.
And so, here's a toast from a mug that
Letters:
A true university is a collection of tales
Editor's Note: The following letters contain the
memories and perceptions of Penn State that a few
students will take with them when they leave Happy
Valley. The letters are in response to a request from
The Daily Collegian editorial staff.
Parties, crazies, beer
Almost four years have passed at good ol' P.S.U.,
Now there's the question, "What am Ito do?"
Should I "book" further for an M.8.A.,
Or slouch in an office desk, 9-5, all day,
Perhaps I should stay in Happy Valley to hear the lion's
roar,
A comforting thought, but I can't stand dorm food any
Then again the working world doesn't seem to be much
fun,
No shouting, no traying, no Spring Terms in the sun
Where else but here are the girls so ripe,
A few fat, a few sororital, but most just right, '
Where else but here can you sleep all day,
Not worrying 'bout what your boss or mom would say,
Where else but here can you study the night before,
Knowing all along you'll get a passing score, .
Where else but here do the parties never end,
Especially Gentle Thursday, sharing wine with your
friends.
Through the eyes of artists
Daily Collegian graphic
designers Mark Van Dine, Della
Hoke, Kathy Fitzgerald and
Tom Mosser inked out some of
the oddities of the Penn State
experience. With all due respect
to higher learning and
academia, the images captured
here will provide for many
' students the longest lasting
rememberances of their college
education.
Clockwise, from top right:
Fraternity pledges smile
through the best of times and the
worst of times; Toga, Toga,
Toga; "What about that en
forced dorm party policy?";
and just another casualty in the
East Halls water balloon wars;
and, well . . . you know the
story.
only pours as much as you choose to
drink:
Here's to all the classes missed
because we felt there was a greater
lesson to be learned dozing on the mall
and trading gossip. Mark Twain said it:
"Inever let schooling interfere with my
education."
Here's to those filthy few professors
who understand it's not always what we
learned in their classes but how we
learned it and who graded our per
formances accordingly.
Here's to the great University ad
ministrator-diplomats who felt the
biggest problem with the students was
their image of the University, but who
never considered that our disfavor
sprang mostly from their diplomacy.
Here's to all the stuff the campus
police didn't catch us doing, and to all
the questionable stuff we caught them
doing. And that goes double for all the
resident assistants, fraternity pledge
trainers and landlords. May they never
find out everything.
Naita.)
, Ratot,
sLEEP
ELSE-
Whigir
IbNicakt
b.ii;r,
Yes, the time has come to move on, as the saying
goes,
It may just be better than State, who knows?
But despite all those tests, I might miss this place next
year,
The parties, the crazies and pitchers of beer
Stood up and cheer
All you single and unattached guys out there should
be interested to know that I've discovered a new
method of meeting girls.
Recently, I placed an ad in the Collegian "Personals"
that infamous section of the classified ads. In the ad I
stated that I was a young man interested in meeting
girls. Naturally, I gave my phone number and hinted
that I was halfway-decent looking. The usual crap in
this type of ad.
The ad ran two days and I expected an overwhelming
response of female callers. I received a grand total of
three calls from the whole affair.
The first call I received came on the second day of the
ad. Sally sounded cute and she insisted that she meet
me the next day at the HUB desk. I said fine and that I
would meet her a half hour before my third-period
Illustration by Della Hoke
Here's to all-nighters, cram sessions,
rush jobs, creative bibliographies, take
home test conspiracies, wild excuses,
pleas for leniency, self-taught speed
reading, skims, scans, essay BS-ing,
multiple choice coin-flipping, ambiguous
short answer completions and all the
other "get knowledge quick" schemes
we devised.
Here's to Pepto-Bismol, Di-Gel,
Rolaids, Maalox, pepperoni pizzas and
all the other sure-fire stomach distress
cures taken the long night before the
final exam.
Here's to the long walks through
campus in the dead of night when we
made those firm commitments to our
selves which were broken the very first
time they were tried.
Here's to all those who sacrificed
themselves to save the class grading
Here's to our transient lifestyle, which
takes all kinds of people from all walks
of life, throws them together as un
dergraduates, then turns us into all
Craig J. Brody
12th-marketing
May 1
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The Daily Collegian Tuesday, May 8, 1979-3
kinds of people headed for all walks of
life.
Here's to the grim realization that we
are now the learned upperclassmen who
led us all astray when were un
derclassmen. As freshmen, we thought
there was no future; as sophomores, we
thought there was no truth; as juniors
we thought there was no satisfaction;
but now, as seniors, we finally have it
straight: There are no jobs.
And, best of all, here's to all the stuff
we always wanted to do and all the
people we always wanted to meet while
we were here, but somehow, some way,
we never did. They were great plans,
weren't they? Trouble was, there was
always something that got in the way. It
was a class or an assignment or some
stupid thing. Funny how you don't
remember what it was that you did in
stead, but you never forgot what you
would've done. And that's the Penn State
the "true university" you missed,
and probably will miss in the years that
follow.
She never showed . . . or, did she? Wherever you are
out there, Sally wasn't I tall enough for you?
Anyway, everybody gets stood up at the HUB
sometime, right?
That second night I also got a call from a girl who
described herself as "cute, 100 percent Italian and
built."
Gina turned out to be the fairest-skinned all-Italian
girl that I've ever seen. What's more, she was built like
an elephant. At least she was interesting. I enjoyed her
stories about her ex-boyfriend's suicide attempts.
Then the third call. The big one.
Karen called several days after the original ad ap
peared. She sounded so honest. She said she had two
other roommates who were interested in meeting guys.
One of them, Sandy, was a "knockout," she said.
I suggested a triple-blind date for the following
weekend. When Saturday night came two days after
my date with Gina I grabbed two clowns of legal age
from my dorm and headed to a nice bar downtown to
meet those beauties. You guessed it. The three girls
stood us up.
It was a fitting scene for any idiot that would put a
serious love-quest in the Collegian "Personals."
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Tom Healey
9th-marketing
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