The Problem The Problem? There's no problem here; this is Happy Valley, Land of the Lions, Paternoville, Disneyland State University and all that stuff. There's no problem. Sure, tuition is going up and it's tough to get the grades you want and the University has a lot of hard-nosed policies, but think for a minute: Look at all you get when you forfeit a life in the outside for one at college. This place can be a regular resort. Where else can you get the great variety of recreational facilities and party privileges and social interaction with the opposite sex for less than $3,000 per nine-month stretch? Why, you can spend five or six times that much for a stay like that at another resort. In all your life, you'll never have the opportunity to associate almost exclusively with people your own age and with your same basic vested interests like at. college. You'll never be able to get away with half the stuff you can here once you leave, because you'll never again be able to use the all-purpose excuse, "Look, I'm sorry, I'm just a nutty college student. What do I know?" Can you imagine telling your boss, "I'm sorry, but I'm just a nutty account executive!" All this is yours and much, much more, just because you went to college. Otherwise, we're not completely serious about all this. It's just that, hey, we're at the end of a long academic year and it's time to go a bit mad. Or, in the words of Emily Dickinson, "A bit of madness is wholesome in the spring." So lie back from the books for a minute, enjoy the spring and console yourself with the knowledge that everyone else is doing just that, too. The Penn State you didn't see By 808 "SUDS" CARVILLE Daily Collegian Staff Writer ' I'd like to propose a toast a toast to the Penn State you may have missed. It's a toast to those who are graduating this term, to those who are leaving for other reasons and to those who never really got here in the first place. It's a toast to those who thought they went to Penn State but didn't, and to those who think they are going to Penn State but aren't. In spite of the inscription above Pattee, a true university is not a collection of books; it probably is everything else but that. It's a collection of the people you meet, the people you don't meet; it's a collection of all the things you did and all the things you never did; a collection of memories, experiences and insights. A true university is only a collection of books if you consider all those who went here are their own living testaments. And so, here's a toast from a mug that Letters: A true university is a collection of tales Editor's Note: The following letters contain the memories and perceptions of Penn State that a few students will take with them when they leave Happy Valley. The letters are in response to a request from The Daily Collegian editorial staff. Parties, crazies, beer Almost four years have passed at good ol' P.S.U., Now there's the question, "What am Ito do?" Should I "book" further for an M.8.A., Or slouch in an office desk, 9-5, all day, Perhaps I should stay in Happy Valley to hear the lion's roar, A comforting thought, but I can't stand dorm food any Then again the working world doesn't seem to be much fun, No shouting, no traying, no Spring Terms in the sun Where else but here are the girls so ripe, A few fat, a few sororital, but most just right, ' Where else but here can you sleep all day, Not worrying 'bout what your boss or mom would say, Where else but here can you study the night before, Knowing all along you'll get a passing score, . Where else but here do the parties never end, Especially Gentle Thursday, sharing wine with your friends. Through the eyes of artists Daily Collegian graphic designers Mark Van Dine, Della Hoke, Kathy Fitzgerald and Tom Mosser inked out some of the oddities of the Penn State experience. With all due respect to higher learning and academia, the images captured here will provide for many ' students the longest lasting rememberances of their college education. Clockwise, from top right: Fraternity pledges smile through the best of times and the worst of times; Toga, Toga, Toga; "What about that en forced dorm party policy?"; and just another casualty in the East Halls water balloon wars; and, well . . . you know the story. only pours as much as you choose to drink: Here's to all the classes missed because we felt there was a greater lesson to be learned dozing on the mall and trading gossip. Mark Twain said it: "Inever let schooling interfere with my education." Here's to those filthy few professors who understand it's not always what we learned in their classes but how we learned it and who graded our per formances accordingly. Here's to the great University ad ministrator-diplomats who felt the biggest problem with the students was their image of the University, but who never considered that our disfavor sprang mostly from their diplomacy. Here's to all the stuff the campus police didn't catch us doing, and to all the questionable stuff we caught them doing. And that goes double for all the resident assistants, fraternity pledge trainers and landlords. May they never find out everything. Naita.) , Ratot, sLEEP ELSE- Whigir IbNicakt b.ii;r, Yes, the time has come to move on, as the saying goes, It may just be better than State, who knows? But despite all those tests, I might miss this place next year, The parties, the crazies and pitchers of beer Stood up and cheer All you single and unattached guys out there should be interested to know that I've discovered a new method of meeting girls. Recently, I placed an ad in the Collegian "Personals" that infamous section of the classified ads. In the ad I stated that I was a young man interested in meeting girls. Naturally, I gave my phone number and hinted that I was halfway-decent looking. The usual crap in this type of ad. The ad ran two days and I expected an overwhelming response of female callers. I received a grand total of three calls from the whole affair. The first call I received came on the second day of the ad. Sally sounded cute and she insisted that she meet me the next day at the HUB desk. I said fine and that I would meet her a half hour before my third-period Illustration by Della Hoke Here's to all-nighters, cram sessions, rush jobs, creative bibliographies, take home test conspiracies, wild excuses, pleas for leniency, self-taught speed reading, skims, scans, essay BS-ing, multiple choice coin-flipping, ambiguous short answer completions and all the other "get knowledge quick" schemes we devised. Here's to Pepto-Bismol, Di-Gel, Rolaids, Maalox, pepperoni pizzas and all the other sure-fire stomach distress cures taken the long night before the final exam. Here's to the long walks through campus in the dead of night when we made those firm commitments to our selves which were broken the very first time they were tried. Here's to all those who sacrificed themselves to save the class grading Here's to our transient lifestyle, which takes all kinds of people from all walks of life, throws them together as un dergraduates, then turns us into all Craig J. Brody 12th-marketing May 1 Awl , l team * :4.44-AW diofelk,tv *.‘6, , ‹ ':.k< ,., •,:5'4-:,:o 0 4f .A tifs' 1 6:30.'ims: ...** , -,' , 14 . s\ `Sa‘ Fv4PiNa Tom Healey 9th-marketing Maya