'What Fools These 011'r Daily Toittglatt Mortals Eel' VOL. 47—No. 33 Stalin Replaces Stassen Cabinet Discusses Procedure To Replace College President All-College Cabinet will discuss the procedure for naming the, stu dent-elected All-College presi dent to the position of president of the College at its meeting to night announced Tom Lennin, Cabinet chairman. Although Lennin refused to be quoted he made a point of the failure of the Board of Trustees to act in the matter. He seemed to take the attitude that it was about time the students took mat ters into their own hands. The Cabinet agenda as prepared before meeting time contains routine committee reports such as the one to be made by Aggie Wil lard, chairman of the un-Penn State investigating committee. The report of the committee to revise the All-College constitu tion is expected to be of interest to many students according to committee chairman Bob Trotsky. The report roccomends that Cab inet solve the problem of the in dependent students on campus by abolishing independent students. A new fraternity and sorority bearing the same name would be set up. The new societies would be named Gamma Delta lota. The reportalso proposes the elction of class officers in open class meetings rather than in the "Dark and devious All-College elections." The quote is from the report. The UNESCO committee report asks Cabinet to authorize setting I.l` p., hi:td so that Russian UN members and government offi cials can study College and Penn sylvania government at the Col lege. According to the report, the Russians would observe these forms of government and because of their "inherent superiority" they would leave State College with the idea "of patterning the USSR after the College and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania." The cause of world peace would thus be greatly advanced, the chairman commented. Late PA. Flashes Supports Finger Bowl PORT MATILDA, April I— CPA)—Port Matilda Chambe r of Commerce House of Civic Affairs approved the Finge r Bowl Ap propriations Bill today calling for $BOOO to support the sagging fin ger bowl construction. The FBA Bill wa s condemned by Councilman Booke r T. Keeler as a temporary stopgap measure. Said Councilman Keeler, "Dollar diplomacy will never bolster Port Matilda's threatened sphere of influence." ERP Aids Politicos ERBABJTOWN, April I—(PA) --Mayo r . T. Eagle Stuba demand ed immediate passing of the Erbartown Rationalization Plot before town council today. Stuba called oppositio n tactic s "strictly (Continued on page five) Meet Your Party—Puleeze Stale Lion Party will hold its first nominations at a meeting in 121 Sparks at 7 p.m. Sunday. All nominees and members are urged to attend, said R. Harold Brownie, clique chairman, today. Say Al, I don't have enough stuff on both parties to make the stories equal in length. What will we use to fill up the space for the Lion party? You know how they complain when the other party gets as much as an etaion shrdlu more than they do. Lennin - House Committee Indicts Cabinet The House Un-American Activ ities Committee announced last night an investigation of the stu dent government at the Pennsyl vania State College. A spokesman stated, "We hear that there's two guys up there named Tom Lennin and Bob Trotsky heading the students up there. We don't like it at all— smells of communism." "This is terrible," another mem ber of the committee gasped "Those two guys should be sent to Siberia. Even if they arn't Reds, their names are too close to communists for comfort. We gotta watch out for things like that, you know." A third member of the commit tee revealed that Penn State pub lications might come in for an investigation also. "There's two editors up there named Ostarsky and Stobersky who sound sub service. Why, one publication even went so far as to come out with a red, mind you RED, cover last month," he muttered. Another member raged, "That Penn State has always been a hot bed of subversive groups. You wouldn't believe it but they cele brate May Day up there with a big outdoor display. Disgraceful. I say—simply disgraceful!" the member uttered as he fell into a tantrum. Regular Army Major General U. F. Haddit will be on campus to day to dis 3uss the advantages of a life in the regular army. Since a large crowd is expected the general will remain on campus until he has persuaded at least twenty percent of the male enrollment to enlist in the Army. Only four years ago he successfully talked of all the students he talked to into enlisting.. . Lion party will hold its first nominations at a meeting in 121 Sparks at 7 p.m. Sunday. All nominees and members are urged to attend said Robert "Killer" Kell clique chairman today. The clique will begin consid eration of its platform for the coming All-College elections, Kell added. The Platform committee urgently needs three union car penters to help trim planks sub mitted by members. Carpenters need not be students, he said. THURSDAY MORNING, APRIL 1, 1948- STATE COLLEGE, PENNA. We Present . . . Another Feature On Nothing New Most students who have read the Daily Collegian for more than one week have gotten used to the little feature that usually fills this space. Sometimes its about someone they are supposed to know, and sometimes its about a little animal on the campus. A great deal of energy is ex pended on these features by the staff, the people who rewrite what the staff writes and the people who rewrite that. Its done to give the paper a littel light spot, a little breathing space in the mid dle of the heavy news. It's a great help to the staff members who need a little story to fill up a column. And this is why these features appear. Sometimes, as happened today, there is no little feature, so one of the brighter hangers-on at the office is delegated to write something out of thin air. And you have just finished reading one of the usual results. Sartre Accepts Players Role Jean Paul Sartre, internation ally-acclaimed creator of the con.. temporary French school of ex istentialism, has agreed to act as bookholder for the Penn State Players Mothers' Day show, "Years Before," according to word received by the School of Dramatics, Radio and Motion Picture Science today. Originally invited to partici pate in the production of his defi nitive "No Entrance," Sartre de cided on the bookholding position as one that held more prospect of enhancing his professional reputation. "I have implicit faith in the ability of your young genius Vog al E. B. Frederick to direct my play so as to gain the ultimate of it sophistry," Sartare said, in de clining the directorship. "We have plenty of local talent for holding book; some of our staff has even bee*, known to make book," Robertson Q. Snei dorrife, notorious slave-driving Players director, commented. "Not that we're not happy to have Sartre," he added. Always room for fresh talent in Players." "No Entrance" is currently scheduled for production in the armory, at an undetermined date. The cast has been "pretty (Continued on page four) Dean Urges Less Class Affendance Dean Smith. a sophomore in the Lower Division. today suggested that students could improve their relations with the faculty by stay ing away from classes. "I've found from bitter experi ence that much more practical knowledge is picked up outside the classroom." stated Smith as he chalked up his cue in a down town pool emporium. "So what if you flunk out," Smith explained. "I've done it several times and look at me. I've got a promise of a swell lob in the numbers racket." We Wuz Only Founts' Don't take this issue of Col legian too seriously. All Fools Day only comes once a year (usually on April 1) and the staff had a lot of wild imagi nations to get rid of today. We promise that the regular Daily Collegian will appear tomor row—but for today, APRIL FOOL! Josef Stalin has replaced Harold Stassen on the Community Forum Program series, it was announced last might. Stalin's subject will be "The Evils of Communism." College officials explained that a great confusion occurred when the former Minnesota governor stated that he would be unable to include State College o n his itinerary. • , •Ji', ltk,, 4k. Stalin Dorm Residents Cheer Food Plan Pollock Circle residents and co sufferers at Nittany Dormitories were offered renewed hope when the Pullfmore Plan for "relief to starving students" was propound ed at last night's meeting of the Kitchen Kabinet. The Pulknore Recovery Pro gram (to be known conveniently as P.L.N.D.R..P.) was &awn up by Euohine Pulknore. Kabinet bigwig and candidate for official clock-watcher, because he is "an nealed by the emaciated men trudging to and from the direc tion of the men's dormitories" Editor Oyov Oyster of the Daily Collegian testified in behalf of the PONDRP because "letters. a ll over 200 words, are piling up on my lesk to complain about spa ght i, beans, and unbalanced meals. Voluminous reports have completely submerged food inves tigation committees." The Pullmore Plan if approved by Kabinet will allocate the moneys fraudulently taken from students by Froth, which Doses as a huanor magazine. Traveling can tene units will take beer and pretzels to dormitory residents at hourly intervals with an enlarged staff working from twelve to three every morning. No guests will be permitted, under present provisions, but lob byists from Atherton Hull are seeking to modify this measure. "This plan," insisted Pullrno-e with one eve on the clock. "will save those starving students money, will permit them to study in their rooms each nisht instead of frequenting unauthorized places, and will build them up physically to meet nny emerzeii: v which might break out, between Ath and Mac Halls." When approached about test i f ine before Kabinet, Miss Francis Fowl, head of the Circle (Heti,. staff, said "Get a su!suoenl." F and D Meeting Fife and Drumsticks. n•ttional militaristic honorary. will hold a meeting in the Armory Tower at midnight tonight to protest UNIT. The military service should be :in exclusive prerogative of the better element. officers say. Meeting The Penn State Agronomic:ll and Gastronomical society will meet behind the cow barns lo night at 8 o'clock for theii :.ip nual "Warm-M . ilk Al members are urged to attend with their dates and pail, "We scurried around sending telegrams to everyone," one of ficials explained. "I don't know who invited Mr. Stalin but since he has accepted, I suppose we'll have to let him come." Stalin's subject was chosen by the College committee and it has n otified the speaker of his topic. Not too much biographical ma terial was available on Mr. Sta lin last night as the Daily Col legian went t o press but it is be lieved that he has something to do with Russia, Communism, or something, according to Forum officials. Mr. Stalin's wire of acceptance received last night stated, "Am very pleased to accept your kind invitation. Please make room ar rangements for my party of 110,- 000 bodyguards, Pravda corre spondents, and fellow travelers who will accompany me." Stalin and his immediate party will make their headquarters in the Nittany Lion Inn, Rec HaII, Sparks, Carnegie Hall, White Hall and Osmond Laboratory. It was believed that Stalin will als o visit Oak Ridge, Tenn and Los Alamos, New Mexico, before arriving in State College. Stober Insists Froth 'Original' By V. Molotov Collegian Humor Editor Translated by H. S. Trooman Retranslated by V. Molotov "Froth is original." J. Arthur Stober, editor, declared in a lec ture from Old Main Tower last night. "Just because we don't write everything in the magazine doesn't say it isn't orgiinal," Stober said. "After all, somebody had to write it. It was original with them." The Froth editor, frothing at the mouth and ostensibly under the influence of vodka (which can be purchased at V. Molotov's bar and grill, just off Red Square. up one flight to save rubles) insisted that his magazine staff is not in sane. "Ted Kunin, the mad hYnnotist, is one of the sanest men ever to nark on Old Main lawn. Anyway. Kunin can't be a nut, he's a osY chology maior." Stober, who is touring this country as guest of the American Society of College Humor maga zines which voted unanimously to "send him to Russia." had this . to say about the veto question: "What veto question? I don't eet it. It must be a joke, or 1 would have heard about it long before this." Schedules Meeting An important meeting will be held in Dean Gowest's office to day for all able-bodied coeds to Nosey Briefs Money! Student< who wi,h money from the ()Ince shinthi Cite their requ:sition; m,on ADolic:Atugis :Thot,l,l b e ill se \ tti:)A cate on both sides of the o.tver. Col.d 11-t..(i 111 Lb(' :,;tates during ILail -61. will be.. dls- t , :lit trcl by : , 1101:!,1111 IleXt. ‘s,'Oci Home Economics Meet The . Horn(' 10l II (S S ,ty II i , nhL° luniai!. F'l Lni I.)L-1 , -)14; 1U u.lll WEATHER Or Not! PRICE FIVE CENTS
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers