PAGE FOUR
THE COLLEGIAN
EsU.hlimhcd 1 !MO. Successor to the Venn State Collegian,
irnlablishcd 1904, and be Tree Lance, established 188(.
Editor-in-Chief Business Manager
Emil A. Kubek Herbert Hasson
Advertising Manager Managing Editor
Kathryn Vogel B» J* Cutler
rßdiU,liil ' N ®vß n Editor . : Helen V. Hatton
Feature Editor N?. n f y C 1 ? r “j I t ™
Sports Editor VwU>r a rl*
•Editorial Assistants —Peßßic Weaver, Ruth Gonstnd, Gert
rude Lawatsch.
Reporters—- Bennett Fairorth, Gloria Nerenbcrß, Estelle
Simon, Fay Younß. „ „ ,
Assistant Business Manager —-—Betty
Junior . Advertising Board—Bernice Fmcbcrg, Elaine Miller
STAFF THIS ISSUE
Manning Editor « uH ' C “" 9 ( V' l ’
Assistant Managing Editor --«• J-
Sports Editor -“ V “ tor ° a, } i '°*
Assistant Advertising Manager -Bernice i m*R
Kows Assistants—‘Richard Glicknmn, Gcri Mnilcy, Richard
Schiedel, Jacqueline Socol, Pat Turk. *
Friday, August 25, 1944
Vice Versa . . .
When the Pennsylvania State .College
opens its doors for the Fall semester of
1944 an amazing occurrence will have tak
en place. Four hundred and thirty-one
freshmen will matriculate athirst for know
ledge, of which 340 will be coeds. While
this will provide a goodly number of green
dinks and ribbons dotting the campus, it is
a far cry from the 1147 hopefuls who ap
plied for admission.
Because of limited housing facilities
the majority of these applicants, regardless
of high qualifications, were of necessity
denied admission. This is a dangerous sit
uation, indeed, for no college can grow into
a great institution if it is forced to reject
such a large number of deserving would
be freshmen.
It is understood that the college ad
ministration is decidedly disturbed over the
prospect of continually being forced to turn
down a large number of potentially good
college students. 10ur administration need
worry no longer. Recently at a meeting of
some of the greatest contemporary minds,
a plan to alleviate this situation was form
u l'ated. It shall be known as the Collegian
Plan and will undoubtedly assume its right
ful place as one of the great educational
advances of this generation.
The Collegian Plan is simplicity itself.
It recognizes the elementary fact that the
student body is composed of two sexes,
male and female. The relation of these
sexes depends upon the ratio of men to wo
men on the campus. When as in the past,
men greatly outnumbered women, women
were much in demand and men became the
pursuers.
Under these circumstances dormitor
ies were erected to house the women at the
College, and it was only right to do so, for
the dormitories made the close supervision
of coeds possible. Today, however, under
vastly different circumstances, to refuse
admission to women because of no dorm
itory accommodations is without reason.
Since the ratio now favors the coeds
and will continue to do so for some time
to come, women will soon become the ag-
gressors.
The Collegian plan, in short, suggests
that the men on campus be housed in the
dorms. They should be provided with chap
erons, be required to be in the dorms at
ten o’clock on weekday evenings, and should
be made to observe a number of dating reg
ulations. All this will operate for their
own protection, because the large number
of excess coeds will give them no peace.
In the meantime all the qualified coeds
who apply can be accepted and housed in
the many rooming houses downtown. In
this way Penn State will be able to take
its proper place as a great university with
a large enrollment, and the morals and
welfare of its few men students will be pro
tected against the ravages of the hordes of
predatory females soon to descend upon its
Collegiate Review
Princeton has the largest collection of death
masks in the United States, sadly admits the Oc
cidental.
"The Trojan Woman” will be presented in the
Cal Greek Bowl, trumpets the Daily Californian.
The Gamecock gives us this little mix-up.
Phthignkhce is not a pig Latin or German or any
other foreign language but is a hybrid spelling of
the common (or is it common?) American word
“thanks.” It’s even pronounced as the good ole
English version. Just pronounce “phth” as in
phthisis, “i” as in meringue, “gn” as in gnostic,
“kh” as in khaki, and “ce” as in fleece.
The Indiana University Theatre will shortly
present the students with “A Bill of Divorcement.”
See how much cheaper it is to come to Penn State!
Pray, butcher spare yon tender calf.
Accept my plea on his behalf;
He’s but a babe, too young by far
•To perish in the abattoir.
Oh, cruel butcher, let him feed
And gambol on the verdant mead;
Let cloVer tops and grassy banksl
Fill out those childish ribs and flanks;
Then may we, at some future meal
Pitch into beef instead of veal.
The California Bruin has just issued another of
its statements admitting its own superiority in the
field of journalism. The story was sub-headed “A
Plague on Both Your Houses.” Seismographs as far
away as Harrisburg recorded the shock.
The Southern California Trojan seemed very
proud to report that its band would present a
concert under the distinguished' baton of Morton
Gould, noted modern composer. Mr. Gould planned
to introduce two of his own selections at the pro
gram.
Details of the G. I. bill by which the govern
ment helps pay for the education of veterans of
the armed forces of this war were .released re-;
cently by the Association of American Colleges,
sponsor of the bill, we hear from Indiana Uni
versity.
Any man or woman who has had active service
since September 15, 1940, and who has been hon
orably discharged is eligible if his or her educa
tion has been interfered with vy military service.
Eligibility is based on service of 90 days or more
in the armed services, exclusive of time spent in
any such programs as the ASTP or V-12.
The “ology” that holds the key to human rela
tions is not psychology, biology or geology, but
plain everyday apology.
THE COLLEGIAN
* *
«k $ 0
* * *
—Gamecock
* *
ijt i;<
:> $ >;-<
—The Indiana Daily Student
A Lean And Hungry Look
Long, long ago, in the time of
peace, and beer and skittles in the
Nittany valley, a young man nam
ed Milton Dolinger wrote a column
called “A Lean and Hungry Look.”
Now with the Fifth Army in It
aly, Pvt. Dolinger has favored me
with a billet doux. Some of the
things he has to say are well
worthy of serious consideration by
the student body, others are mere
ly a degenerate attack upon the
present Cassius.
The Front, Italy
My dear, my very dear Mr. ,
I think that is your name. That
is what they have told me. Better
that than address you as your pil
fered name, “Cassius!”
I have read, or rather regurgi
tated through your efforts at “A
Lean and Hungry Look.” What a
dastardly mockery of the name.
Haven’t you any originality? Must
you steal and defame a noble col
umn started by the first Cassius
and bequeathed to another . . .
but after that the dynasty ended!
But, on. reflection, excuse me.
You must have originality, if not
in title matter, surely Tn content.
For never did Cassius write as you
do. Not even after a night’s in
voking of satyrs to dance on Bac
chus’ grave.
A far better writer than you
can e’er aspire to be, Miss Lee
Learner, asked to use “A Lean
and Hungry Look,” for -her col
umn, but was dissuaded. “Colleg
ian.” certainly has become degen
erate when it will countenance
plagiaristic defamations.
Far be it to cry, O temporal O
Mores! but, if the school’s atti
tude is reflected truthfully in
your paper, I suffer for it. Either
that may be true, or your report
ing isn’t accurate. I assume it to
be in this instance.
This is not directed to you
alone, Nauseous, but to everyone.
You prate there of “customs” and
lisp of “politics” at a time when
the world is bathed in .blood, and
you instead should be humbly
aware of it, but ho, in "Nittany
Valley there is an. aura of self
ishness, of greed. Let the events
of the day go hang today we
will make,the freshmen roll their
trousers above their knees and
walk duck-footed" and the mall
will resound with gaiety and love
of fellow men. Faugh!
When, by the hairs of 'the Pro
phet’s dewlaps, is Penn State go
ing to wake up? In talking' to
several former students, cut off
in their prime from finishing
there by other, slightly "more im
portant world events, the attitude
is—“lf State is that way now,
how will it be when we go back?
Maybe we won’t go back!”
I don’t propose you all prac
tice “weltschmerz,” but mayhaps
you might try to become aware
of the ancient, tiresome, and oft
laugh - provoking . ch e stnut,
“There’s a war going on, y’-
know.”
As for you personally, Mr.
, you continue castrat
ing Cassius through curses heap
ed upon your pin-feathered head
by the self-safe oracle on the
side of Vesuvius who foresaw
the ruin of that other false,,
corrupt creation, Pompeii.
Desist, desist, ere the fate of
Caesar overtake' you. In short,
as even an imitator of “A Lean
and Hungry Look,” you stink.
. Leanly' and Hungrily yours,
M. B. Dolinger
CASSIUS.
Dear Milton,
You will forgive me for calling
you Milton, won’t you? I feel
that any • man who insults me so
warmly and intimately as you
do’must" be a fri.end; no mere ac
quaintance would have the bad
taste. Now that we have cleared
up our little matter of knowing
each other, Milt, old boy, let’s
discuss your letter.
The last thing I expected,. by
writing this column, was to bring
down your fearsome wrath upon
my head. You see, Milton, ma
. cherifyut went like'this.'-The ed
-1
FRIDAY, AUGUST 25, 1944
and said, "Why don’t you write
a column?”
“What shtould I write?” I
wanted to know. ’
“Oh, try ‘A Lean and Hungry
Look’,” he said. “Even you could
n’t write it any worse than Dol
inger did. Heck, nobody could.”
Since I agreed wholeheartedly
with the editor in this estimation,
“your” column was reborn. '
From your letter I learn that
Miss Lee Learner (who damn
well is a better writer than 1
am) was “dissuaded” from writ
ing this column. Why didn’t you
add that what “dissuaded” her
was your swiping the cut for the
top of the column from the print
shop? Is my memory a trifle too
long to suit your taste, Milty?
Now for you “There’s a war
going on y’know.” A fellow gets
a pretty good idea that there is ■ a
war going "on before being dis
charged from the Army as the
present writer was. But all right,
we are students at a college.
What can we accomplish here,
but do any little work possible,
and hope and pray for victory,
and the safety of guys like you,
Milt who are making it a reality?
Do you think it would expedite
the conduct of the war one bit
if we lifted “customs?” Do you
think it would bring you home
one day sooner if we did away
with Campus “politics?” I don’t
see that it would, Milt, and in all
fairness, I think you will have to
admit the same.
Incidentally, ex-Cassius, I’m
sorry you don’t like my column.
I didn’t like the pompous ver
bosity of yours very much, and
I was a little bit hurt by the
harsh names you called me. But
then I got out the last copy of
La Vie and looked at your, pic
ture. Gosh, Milt, I can’t get mad
at a fellow with a - puss like
yours;
I suppose this letter is the
wrong sort to write to a soldier.
Taking my cue from • yours, it
turned out to be a bit facetious. '
I would like you to believe, how
ever, that the last, three words
are offered in gratitude, and re
spect, and all sincerity. Good
luck, Milt.
Your pal,
CASSIUS
PJS. —Can -you -lend me five"
bucks? I want to send you a
framed, autographed picture of
myself.
LETTERS TO EDITOR
August 23, 1944
The Collegian Staff
Carnegie Hall -
Penn State
Dear Sirs:
After reading your column of,
gripes in last week’s
I’ve decided to send my own.
gripe in. Many Frosh are on the
campus for only one semester,
perhaps the last semester of their
lives.
If they speak to girls after 5:30
pin. let alone walk down the.
street with one,, they are prompt
ly forced to .appear before Tri
bunal and theru God knows what!.
Customs have gone for one-half
the semester now; it is not time,
to remove them? Have pity on the'
poor boys! They want to enjoy'
their last days as much as any
one else. I. am quite sure' the,
Penn State spirit has been in
stilled in their bones!
Sincerely- yours,
Bill Johnson
P.S.—Notice that I signed it!
Dear Mr. Johnson,
“. . . perhaps the last semester
of. their lives.”
. “They want to enjoy their last’
days as much as anyone else.” y
The future looks quite obscure
to you. Why not let the future .
come as it may? Live the present, ■
wear your customs. One of. the
most difficult situations can
attempt is to explain the mean- ,
ing of customs.- It is only when ’ '
the student has graduated, and
he reminisces of freshman days y ■