PAGE FOUR
Kerns Doubles
In Athletics
And Thespians
John Michael Leo Kerns is a
very busy man these days. Re
member that big bruiser who
grunted and groaned his way
to second place in the Eastern
Intercollegiate Wrestling Tour
ney this year? That was Mike.
It was his first year at the game,
too.
Mike is that way. He’s a
natural at almost anything he
tries. Right now he’s doing
most of his trying out on the
gridiron, where he looms as
varsity material for a tackle
post next fall.
But that’s not all Mike does.
He’s one of Thespians brightest
shining . stars. In ‘’The Joint’s
Jumpin'7~- -Mike is nothing if
not versatile. He takes on the
part of an escaped lunatic in
one scene and appears as Sup
erman in the next.
And what a Superman he
makes! His dimensions easily
match those of the comic strip
Atlas and his feats are as fan
tastic as Superman’s ever were.
Imagine lifting 50,000 pounds!
Why Ted Clauss faints dead
Gamma
bigma
phi
WISHES YOU A
PLEASANT WEEKEND
Spring Sweater Queens
Debunked; Flat Chest
Still A Hope Chest
MINNEAPOLIS (ACP)
Flat chests are a sign of phy
sical superiority rather than
weakness, according to research
experiments conducted by Dr.
S. A. Weisman of the University
of Minnesota.
Dr. Weisman’s findings show a
distinct correlation between
depth of chest and certain lung
ailments.
From compilation of the thor
acic indexes—ratio of depth of
chest to width—of more than
22,000 children and adults, Dr.
Weisman discovered that the
average adult chest indexes at
.670. while a so-called weak
chest averages about .770, ap
proximately 10 per cent deeper.
"The normal, healthy chest.’’
Dr. Weisman declared, "is fiat
and wide."
away at the very thought!
Oh yes! He also appears as
one of the original Campfire
Boys. His patent method for
toasting marshmallows lias got
Sterno beat for efficiency and
effortlessness.
THE DAILY COLLEGIAN
Profs Giving Exams On Saturday
Accused Of Violating Declaration
It is the Tuesday before a big
Penn State weekend. Joe Q.
College ’4l shambles into his 3
o’clock lecture and spreads him
self out in one of the chairs.
Having exceeded the cut lim
its, he’s decided to attend the
class to find out what’s going
on.
Pi-ofessor Moe Zilch strides
into the rffom, slams his brief
case on the lecture table, and
turns to the assembled multi
tude.
"Students," says Professor
Zilch, “I have a delightful sur
prise for you. Since below
grades are due next Monday,
the first blue book of the se
mester will be given on Satur
day morning.”
A low murmur of protest
emanates from the' class; the
murmur grows into a roar; and
vile curses soon pollute the in
tellectual atmosphere. All the
of the coming weekend
have been blasted into kingdom
come. And the professor-stands
before the class, his mouth drip
ping with satanic glee.
This, dear reader, is- just a
sample of the low down trick
played upon innocent Penn
State students by sadistic pro
fessors. .
Why do our learned profs re
sort to such means to rid them
selves of their inhibited traces
of homicidal mania? Psycholo
gists tell us that all humans
have latent sadistic tendencies
within them. Using a sylogis
tic form of reasoning, we can
assume that professors are hu
man. Ergo, they are vicious
sadists.
But, dear reader, shall we be
content to let our rights be
trampled upon by such a simple
explanation. What rights do
students have? Well, the right
to the pursuit of happiness as
stated in the Declaration of In
dependence. Therefore by giv
ing blue books on Saturdays,
professors are guilty of a gross
felony. They are transgressing
upon one of the unalienable
rights endowed to a people in a
democracy.
Students of Penn State the
time for action has come! No
longer must we sit back and
Good Orchestras
An IF Tradition
In selecting Will Bradley’s
boogie woogey orchestra, touted
as the band of the year, for to
night’s Interfraternity Ball, the
dance committee has followed
a well-established precedent of
signing nothing but really top
ranking bands for the annual
affair, a dip into IF Ball’s 12-
year history discloses.
The first IF Ball, held in
1930, starred " McKinney’s Cot
ton Pickers, one of the time’s
foremost exponents of the Dix
ieland jazz style. P, laying for
the second dance was “Person
ality Prince” Tal Henry and his
North Carolinians.
Kay Kyser and -Doc Peyton
were a big double attraction at
tlie 1932 ball and were follow
ed the next year. by another
two-orchestra event which pre
sented Paul Specht and Glen
Gray’s Casa Loma orchestra.
Reverting to the smooth me
lodies of Ted Weems in 1934,
IF Ball presented a battle of
music in 1935, with Mai Hallet
and Fletcher Henderson striv
ing to outdo each other with
their torrid rhythms.
Playing eight different in
struments in a “12th Street Rag”
specialty, Buddy Rogers took
the spotlight in 1936 with his
California Cavaliers. The fol
lowing year the dance again
featured the music of two or
chestras, Joe Haymes’ band and
an outfit under the joint direc
tion of Will Hudson and Eddie
DeLange.
let our privileges be abolished
by a dictatorial faculty. The
liberties for which our fore
fathers fought and died are now
being usurped.
Are we men or are we mice?
The answer is obvious! Rise
up and seize the perverted en
emies of democracy! Subject
them to a fair trial by jury on
the following counts:
- 1. Giving blue books on Sat
urdays—thus disparaging the
Declaration of Independence.
2. Giving blue books on other
days—for the,- same reason.
3. Just on general principles,
Bsalsfeurg Auto Bus Line
NOTICE!
In order to be insured transportation between State College and
Lewistown reservations must be made before ID p.m., April
Bth at State College Hotel. Buses will leave rear of First Na
tional Bank Building temporarily on April Bth and 9th. Buses
will leave 11:15 a. m.-12:30 p. m. and 3:15 p. m. April Bth and
9th only making connections with eastbound trains. Re
servations are the only way to be guaranteed transportation.
Make reservations early.
WELCOME
Pi Kappa Alpha
BETA ALPHA CHAPTER
Welcomes its many Inferfrafernify Ball
Dales and guests and wishes all the
visitors to PENN STATE an enjoyable
weekend.
Sigma
Cordially Wishes You Ail An injoyable
INTERFRATERNITY WEEKEND
FRIDAY ABRIL 3, 1941
DID YOU KNOW
that the Daily Colleg
ian is one of the 27
college dailies, in the
United States?
FROMM'S
Opp. Old Main
Della Della