PAGE FOUR Kerns Doubles In Athletics And Thespians John Michael Leo Kerns is a very busy man these days. Re member that big bruiser who grunted and groaned his way to second place in the Eastern Intercollegiate Wrestling Tour ney this year? That was Mike. It was his first year at the game, too. Mike is that way. He’s a natural at almost anything he tries. Right now he’s doing most of his trying out on the gridiron, where he looms as varsity material for a tackle post next fall. But that’s not all Mike does. He’s one of Thespians brightest shining . stars. In ‘’The Joint’s Jumpin'7~- -Mike is nothing if not versatile. He takes on the part of an escaped lunatic in one scene and appears as Sup erman in the next. And what a Superman he makes! His dimensions easily match those of the comic strip Atlas and his feats are as fan tastic as Superman’s ever were. Imagine lifting 50,000 pounds! Why Ted Clauss faints dead Gamma bigma phi WISHES YOU A PLEASANT WEEKEND Spring Sweater Queens Debunked; Flat Chest Still A Hope Chest MINNEAPOLIS (ACP) Flat chests are a sign of phy sical superiority rather than weakness, according to research experiments conducted by Dr. S. A. Weisman of the University of Minnesota. Dr. Weisman’s findings show a distinct correlation between depth of chest and certain lung ailments. From compilation of the thor acic indexes—ratio of depth of chest to width—of more than 22,000 children and adults, Dr. Weisman discovered that the average adult chest indexes at .670. while a so-called weak chest averages about .770, ap proximately 10 per cent deeper. "The normal, healthy chest.’’ Dr. Weisman declared, "is fiat and wide." away at the very thought! Oh yes! He also appears as one of the original Campfire Boys. His patent method for toasting marshmallows lias got Sterno beat for efficiency and effortlessness. THE DAILY COLLEGIAN Profs Giving Exams On Saturday Accused Of Violating Declaration It is the Tuesday before a big Penn State weekend. Joe Q. College ’4l shambles into his 3 o’clock lecture and spreads him self out in one of the chairs. Having exceeded the cut lim its, he’s decided to attend the class to find out what’s going on. Pi-ofessor Moe Zilch strides into the rffom, slams his brief case on the lecture table, and turns to the assembled multi tude. "Students," says Professor Zilch, “I have a delightful sur prise for you. Since below grades are due next Monday, the first blue book of the se mester will be given on Satur day morning.” A low murmur of protest emanates from the' class; the murmur grows into a roar; and vile curses soon pollute the in tellectual atmosphere. All the of the coming weekend have been blasted into kingdom come. And the professor-stands before the class, his mouth drip ping with satanic glee. This, dear reader, is- just a sample of the low down trick played upon innocent Penn State students by sadistic pro fessors. . Why do our learned profs re sort to such means to rid them selves of their inhibited traces of homicidal mania? Psycholo gists tell us that all humans have latent sadistic tendencies within them. Using a sylogis tic form of reasoning, we can assume that professors are hu man. Ergo, they are vicious sadists. But, dear reader, shall we be content to let our rights be trampled upon by such a simple explanation. What rights do students have? Well, the right to the pursuit of happiness as stated in the Declaration of In dependence. Therefore by giv ing blue books on Saturdays, professors are guilty of a gross felony. They are transgressing upon one of the unalienable rights endowed to a people in a democracy. Students of Penn State the time for action has come! No longer must we sit back and Good Orchestras An IF Tradition In selecting Will Bradley’s boogie woogey orchestra, touted as the band of the year, for to night’s Interfraternity Ball, the dance committee has followed a well-established precedent of signing nothing but really top ranking bands for the annual affair, a dip into IF Ball’s 12- year history discloses. The first IF Ball, held in 1930, starred " McKinney’s Cot ton Pickers, one of the time’s foremost exponents of the Dix ieland jazz style. P, laying for the second dance was “Person ality Prince” Tal Henry and his North Carolinians. Kay Kyser and -Doc Peyton were a big double attraction at tlie 1932 ball and were follow ed the next year. by another two-orchestra event which pre sented Paul Specht and Glen Gray’s Casa Loma orchestra. Reverting to the smooth me lodies of Ted Weems in 1934, IF Ball presented a battle of music in 1935, with Mai Hallet and Fletcher Henderson striv ing to outdo each other with their torrid rhythms. Playing eight different in struments in a “12th Street Rag” specialty, Buddy Rogers took the spotlight in 1936 with his California Cavaliers. The fol lowing year the dance again featured the music of two or chestras, Joe Haymes’ band and an outfit under the joint direc tion of Will Hudson and Eddie DeLange. let our privileges be abolished by a dictatorial faculty. The liberties for which our fore fathers fought and died are now being usurped. Are we men or are we mice? The answer is obvious! Rise up and seize the perverted en emies of democracy! Subject them to a fair trial by jury on the following counts: - 1. Giving blue books on Sat urdays—thus disparaging the Declaration of Independence. 2. Giving blue books on other days—for the,- same reason. 3. Just on general principles, Bsalsfeurg Auto Bus Line NOTICE! In order to be insured transportation between State College and Lewistown reservations must be made before ID p.m., April Bth at State College Hotel. Buses will leave rear of First Na tional Bank Building temporarily on April Bth and 9th. Buses will leave 11:15 a. m.-12:30 p. m. and 3:15 p. m. April Bth and 9th only making connections with eastbound trains. Re servations are the only way to be guaranteed transportation. Make reservations early. WELCOME Pi Kappa Alpha BETA ALPHA CHAPTER Welcomes its many Inferfrafernify Ball Dales and guests and wishes all the visitors to PENN STATE an enjoyable weekend. Sigma Cordially Wishes You Ail An injoyable INTERFRATERNITY WEEKEND FRIDAY ABRIL 3, 1941 DID YOU KNOW that the Daily Colleg ian is one of the 27 college dailies, in the United States? FROMM'S Opp. Old Main Della Della