3 i iCKBR," Kdilor aiirt "Proprietor. 0j)H UtrrCHIXSOX, Publisher. J . . - - TERMS-i .OO PER' A1V S U 31 . . 1 $1.50 IX ADVAXCE. I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT THAN PRESIDENT. IIekry Clat. Pi 8 i ES if 3 - 1 . rfiK i W " n - r - - H m - M N vf H P . p- to: T N S N 1 1 VOLUME 5. rMUKCTOllY. v- . of l"OST OFFICES. I'osl Masters. Enoch Reese, Joseph Behc, Henry Natter, A. Or. Crooks, J . Houston, Districts. IMacklick. v Carroll. Chest. Taylor. Washint'n. pjihel Station ,-irroUtovn, r".jj Springs John Thompson, Ebensburg. Asa H. Fi?ke White. J. M. Christy, Gallitzin. Wia Tiley, Jr., Washt'n. 1. K. Chandler, Jounst'wn. M. Adlesberger; Loretto, E. Wissinger, Couem'gh. A. Durbin, Munster. Andrew J Fcrral, Snsqan. ii. W. Eowin.in, ;White.. Stan. Wharton, Cletirfield. Ceorpe Eerkcy, .Richland. . M'Colccan, V.'asht'n. R. V. Slick, Croyle. WilH.m jI'Gonnell Washt'n. Morris Kcil, S'meihill. Kbeusbnrg. CiHen Tirabcr, diliitz'111) -Hemlock, Mineral Eoiut, 1'i.iwviUf, Uji-.-lAad, ; '..ilp Level, ..riii'.ti, ..,n.neiUUl, i:.i:nit, V.'iUore, till RC55i:S, 3IIXISTEUS, fi-c rr..y h ii t r iJ n R E v ' T. Harbison, l'astor. r:Bichi;i0' every Subbftih morning nt 101 and iu the evenmg at 3 o clocl , iWhoolafl o'clock. A. M. Vraye lock. Sab er meet- dav evening at o o tioia.. J . LiSM- i. i in Mi:-irTe. uev.-J. GllAY. As- uu. Pleaching every SaVoath, nlfeinately OCiOCh. i 1 lv. r' , , , yr ock iu the morumji, . . . n j. innrn in . vi . - ni" 7 111 T.n ,-,,-r Sabbath School at u o c.o, .v. OCK, J'rtvtr mating every .-lhcrsaay niu, . ,,;tor.-rreaaiing every SaUialh n.o rn.ng at i - . I . .ii-An I Tltr 11 L VI o'clock i - . i ii . .l. (-..!. 1 (I flOCK.. i Prayer ot.uv.ui , ihTiind on every Tuesday, Thursday and FrM iv evening, excepting tive hrt c m il.. C- ill. IT eVl'lllH ' v-ii i.h laoath. T J'' wo r.-.rtor.- Preaching every Kiiiioaiu .l r. nvini-V. Sabbata fteuooi nw i . - . " i - i - . 1 r A M Piaver meeting et ei .- - :. .;tv v..rr Tuesday evening '" ' " : v .- IT-;. ov-pnuitr. it O ClOCK. -inolis Rev. v Llovi, Pastor. Preach- ; . fvei'V oaliuiilii r.iufiiins - 1 l) O clOCK. ; . -t'.ru Tjt r 1 1,1 tit la:. 1 -Rk. Davii jkski.nb, , r ,, ... : ,. o ;',:tnr rreacuinfir even 3 o'clock Sabbath School at at t o clock, l . .v. (' iihoHc IIkv. M. J. Mitchei.1. rastor. ..rvH-es every Sabbath morning at 1 04 o cloc'.. Vai Vespers at 4 o'clock in the evening. EBEXSSISJUtt 31 AILS. MAILS ARRIVE. EastwD, daily, ut "J" !' Wcncn', " at 11 o clock, A. Ji. MAILS CLOSE : - r.:tern. o 1 lilr "t c o eiutiv. i . m. ailr, f.t Yk'edtorn." 8 o'clock, P. M. t5rTheniailsrromrutkr,Iudiann,Strongs. town, ice.., arrive on Thursday of each week, kt J o'clock, P. M. - . Leave Ebensburg on Triday of each week, lit Is A. M. ' . . .,-n r- . T lie mails from evvjn:in s ..n.i?, -- f'j.iiinvii. i1. arrive on .Uonaay, k;.l Friday of each vvee., at 3 o cIock, i . i. L-':..,,i.., Tno?d.ivs. Thursdays iai Saturdays, at 7 o clock, A. M. RAILROAD. SCilHSii', CUESSON STATION Tc-t 15 at- Express leaves at " Fast Line - ' " rh'da. Express " , " Mail Train " u 8.43 0.22 12.4 10.:; J A.M. P. M. A. M. IV M. P. M. A.M. A. M. A. il, ltd Throu g'u Esprcs s' ;i East Line ." East Mai! " Through Aecom. it. u . .4 WILMORE STATION Vi'ost o:It. Express leaves at ; Mail Train " O.OG A. M. O.OC P. i. 8.11 P. C 30 A. East Through Express 11 East Mail COUXTY OFFiCKUS. Juljet of the Courts President, Hon, Geo,' Taylor, Huntingdon; Associates,- Gcorgo W, Eaiiey, Henry 0. Devine. . . .i -jr. C I'rothonrjtarif Joseph M'DonaH. R'jitttr and Recorder James Griffia. SW(f John Back. .- x fiifriet At to miy. Philip S; Noon. , County Commissioners- Peter J. Little, Jno. Campbell, Edward Glass. . ': .. . ,. .' : . Trranirtr Thomas Cftllin. . . ' -I'oor House JJirectors-Ci eorge M'Cnllough, prjrA Delany," Irwin Rutledgc: : - - ' , I'oor Ilouse Treasurerile-orgG C. K. Zahni. . A'tlitors Thomas J. JfeUo'n . William : J. Hliaais, George G. K. Zalun.. . . 1: . Ccj.thj Surveyor. Henry Scanlan. ... O'lronar. -James Shniinoa. .. . . ticrcantif? Apjiraiscr Geo. W. Easly. &' Com Schools J. Y. Condon.. canxsnrRG boxi. officers. ijoaoccrr at larrk. ' ' Justices of the Veace. David II. Robert3 E-n3on Ki'nkead. . -' : . JlurjcM James Mver3. School Directors Ael Lloyd, Tlnl S. Noon. 'Oihua D. Parrish. Hugh Jones, E. J. Mills. Mid J. Jones. '. " EAST W1BD. ; ' : p7!..t'aiZfEvan E. Evans. ' fw'n Council John J. Evans, Thomas J. Uayi3 John W. Roberts, John Thompson, D. Jones. - ' - 1'i'pectors William D. Davi?. L-. Rodgcrs. J'he of Election Daniel J. Davis. Astetsor Lemuel Davis. , : - ' WEST WARD. ut5 M. M. O'Neill. . 5 Town. Ci.unril I? Riinn r,l,rni.,l f"l I., . ,,v"' ......"ill v,..-, u"a A. lilair, John D. Thomas, George W. iiuan. ctoWilliam Barnes, Juo. H Jljt of Election Michaclllasson. AiHtar George Gurlev.- . . Evans EBENSBTJRG, PA., THURSDAY, JAMJAIIY: 7,; L86 Modern Food, Urink, and Mcd- Let us begia with bread. If the natu ral history of a loaf could be thoroughly known, it would often have an ugly inter est of its own.' Perhaps the wheatcn flour was mixed with as liiuch: care as the in gredients of a medical, prescription: So much of Dazing, so much old Kentish, a dash of pure American, to make the per centage of damaged Odessa pass muster, and then the composition passes intc the hands cr Macduff and Pattypan, . the bakers. They, too, have their little addi tions to make; hud what with Indian meal, bean flour, potatoes, and as much alum as will impart a dazzling whiteness, they add a good many inches to the staff of life. "Custom of , the trade,", says Pattypan, and. Mephistophcles chuckles to bear the echo of his own persuasive voice. There are men who are not satisfied with even -th'is bold rogues, wbo must needs mix plaster of Paris or pounded spar by the hundred weight with the. flour they sell, and they get found out and lined, and pay the penalty of rashness. Fair and softly is a safer rule. Mr. Bull is a patient animal, but prefers , to be homcopathically poisoned, not to swallow his proverbial "peck of dirt" at a single deglutition. Second in popularity to bread, and second to that only, is the blood of honest John Barleycorn. It was not likely to escape adulteration, and many an illicit fortune has been screwed out of mash-tub aud beer-barrel. In this respect the humbler classes are the chief sufferers. U refuting bitter ale, mighty Burton, and other high-pricwl beers,' are pure, or nearly pure. - Young : ltapid of Christ Church may bo pretty secure that his silver tankard brims over with generous liquor made from the best wale and hops that money can buy. Poor Sani Jones, the coal-whipper, is just as sure to imbibe a stupefyicg draught .'f drugged beer at his houe of call. The great' brewers do not adulterate beer ; they leave it to smaller folks . to" drop quassia, tobacco juice grains of - paradise ind Cocc'ufns I:trfuiis into the vats where should be but wholesome materials.. But everygreat brewerlia3 his feudal tenantry, his scores of publicans bound over to sell monthly so many casks of ale from the hrcwerv. 'Scarcely an pure beer can be baught Jv retail ; it is made the most of, with water to add bulk, aud drugs to add potency. Tgnorent men are said rather to prefer the house where the beer is richest in narotics ; they get intoxicated nt a' cheaper rate,; and sit sodden and hliuLinir. like rumtnatm owls, on tuc benches. '. ' 5 Wine . fares ; no better. , Many ot us never through life really know Bacchus as he is. Vv'e meet with him iu a . per petual masquer ide, so disguised that the vine grower would not recoguize his own praducc. Port and sherry, the red and white of old days, are elaborately manu factured. A good deal is done in Porta gal, where the chemistry "of wine is well understood,, but London improves . on Lift-boo.; .What .with',, logwood chips, bui led to a pulp what with tloe and elderberries, with apple-juice, brown brandy, and cssendc of fruit, the Lusita nian grnpe is transformed .with a ven geance. . It is said that raw beef, left to soak in a cask,, improves the flivor. Be that as it may, Paterfamilias sips a sophis ticated, port ; and that ;is but a queer cordial which Irish Mike absorbs at the Plasterer's Arms.. Brandied sherry, load ed claret, viu ordinaire, whose acidity is counteracted by sugar of lead, champagne that owes its frothing amber to the turnip, the rhubarb stalk, the gooseberry what gallons of th;se vile potations are. forced ilowrr the throat of a thirsty and gullible public 1 r t ' I - 1 " : . . Coarse . spirits, .i too, whether gia :? or brand j, contain a , liberal percentage of turpentine-1 cayenne pepper, and other fiery ingredients. There is death iu the tumbler, or if not death, sickness,, and impaired, vitality. .It may seem bad enough,-todrugand hocus the unoffending British public, but hero step3 in a new despot, stinting tho - measure , in which these suspicious beverages are supplied. A hundred years ago port wine was eighteen pence a bottle, and a bottle held a fair quart..-,; It lias been dwindling ever since, the three gallons being first stretch ed so as to fill fifteen flasks, then eighteen , and so onJ ; Where, now, are the corpu lent magnums of old day where the horjcst bottles from which our grand fathers drank the king's health ?. A winebottle is now thought praiseworthy if it contain a pint and. a quarter, "'kicks" growing deeper every decade ; and a pint o' ale insults the understanding of the buyer, yielding as it does one sorry half pint of liquid, an unblushing composition ol ten shillings in. the pound. - : ': . . ' . Suppose we abjure alcohol in any form, give our personal assent to a Maine- law of private application, and fly for consola tion to our grocer. ; Tea and coffee innocent 'potation? ! shall be all in al' to us. But- stay there is a screw loose even here. ' 'iJur tea, :for instance, has perhaps done duty before, and the leaves have been heated and stained with metalic oxyds to restore their virgiu luster.-. Our coilee, alas ! is sternly prouounced by. an analytical friend to be no coffee at all, but Belgian hickory aud roasted beans. Hardly an article sold by Messrs. Lacquer fc Gripp will bear a close inspection. Cayenne pshaw ! mere brick dust, com mon pepper, red lead and oxyd of mercury. Curry absurd ! tumeric, pepper, mustard, lime powder. - Durham mustard ridicu lous, my dear sir I a thing as rare 'is roc's egg, and not to' bo . obtained tveu at Apothecaries' -lla!l. . "i Wx candles are uot wax: olive oil does not-exactly come from olives. How ever 'sovereign -a -thing "parmaccti". ma' bo, the sperm candles yoa Luy owe bur half their substance to the whales of the equator ; sardines are sprats in masquerade; pickles have more copper and acid in thviir jars than wholesome "gherkins should harbor; nothing is what it professes to be. Oddly enough, '-"-'the '"oldest accusation against grocers is a gratuitous calumny. Sugar js never sanded, at least at retail. Thereason is obvious. Silica is not solu ble in water, and who ever found u. small sand-batik at the-bottom of his tea-cup ? The coarsest brown Muscovado, swarming with lively acari, never contains sand.- Butter, however, lends itself to base uses. "Good fresh" depeuds for its constituents on more sources than the cow with' the crumpled horn. Fifty per cent of animal fat, ten or fifteen of bruised rj-V no uncommon adjuncts. Salt butter, -especially :u the manufac turing uiotiifts, is often, buttered salt rather than saU.butter. Half the weight of a tub of '-prime Irish" h'aibcen Urowu to consici of downright t-alt, aud .of. tho remaining .substance half was tallow. Pepper is ful of miscellaneous sweepings, and spices are not at all from" iho ludian seas.' If, rather unwell after a, 'course.'. f such trying condiments, wo consult our doctor, his pre.-.criptiuus. do not cutircly square, with their results Good, physic 1 too rare, since Macbeth s time, to bo thrown to the dogs. It is quite as scarco as good food, probably -scarcer.. . For while many of ' us are good judges of viands aud drink, few have a searching taste in drugs, and the blowpipe and test tubes are wanted to throw a light upon the subject. Chamber s Juumal. Tl'se I'outig Soldier. .Last evening. at the Caledonian supper, General Bosecrans exhibited the photo graph of a boy who , he said was the j youngest' soldier -in .the Army, of Cumberland. His name is Johnny Cieia, twelve years of. age, a member of campany C, 22d Michigan Infantry. , His home is in.' Newark, Ohio. ; lie, first " attracted Bosecrans' attention during a review at Nashville, where he vas acting as marker for his regiment. . His, extreme jouth (he is quite small for his age) and intelli gent appearance interested the General, and calling him out, he questioned, him as to his name, agev regiment, Ac. Gen eral Bosecrans .spoke encouragingly to the youn" soldier, and .told; him to come and see htm whenever; he came .where . he was. !. :'.';-;''. - . -. H , , ', lie saw no more of Clem until Saturday last, when he went .to . h"i3 place of resi-" dence the Burnet House and; found Johnny CIcni sitting, on his sofa, waiting to fee: him. 1 Johnny : had experienced some of the vicissitudes of war. since last ; they ? met,, illo had been" Captured by; Wheeler's cavalry near .Bridgeport. His captors took him to Wheeler, who saluted him'- with ; -: - . ; - ' . "What are you.doing iicr3, - you, d d" little Yankee scoundrel V ' .. .Said Johnny Uleni, stoutly :Gencral Wheeler, I am no more a d d scoundrel than you are, sir.'- - ; ! .'Johnny said the. rebels stolo about all that he had, including his pocket-book, which contained only twentyfive cents. ' "But I would not have cared fjr the rest,7" he . added, "if they hadn't stolen my hat,1 which had three bullet hoics it received at Chickamauga." ; .'- lie was finally paroled and sent North. On Saturday he was on his way to Camp Chase to join his regiment, having been exchanged. 1 Gen. Bosecrans . observed that the young poldier had ' chevrons on his arm and asked the meaning of it. He said he was promoted to ; a corporal for shooting a rebel colonel at. Chickamauga. The Colonel was mounted,; and stopped Johuny at some point on the field, crying, "Stop, you little Yankee devil." Johnny halted, .bringing his Austrian rifle to au "order,"-thus throwing the colonel off his guard, cocked his piece, (which he could easily do, being so short,) and suddeuly bringing it to his shoulder, fired,' the colonel falling dead with a bullet through his breast-' . ' ' V The little fellow told his story : simply and modestly, and the General determined" to honor his bravery. lie gave him the badge of the Koll of. Honor,"' which Mrs. Saunders, wife of the host of the BurnctiIou.se, sewed upon Johnny's coafc II is eyes glistened with pride as he looked upon "the badge, and little Johnny seemed to have grown an inch or two, he stood so erect. ; lie left his photograph with Gen. Bosecrans, wha exhibits it with. pride. We may again' hear. from : Johnny Clem, the youngest soldier in the Army of the Cumberland. Cui.-Ttrjits. Story ol ix Sailor. 'Four 3-cars ago I left the port of Bos ton, the master of a line ship bound for Chiua. Iwaswoithten thousand dollars, and was. the husband of a joung and handsome wife whom I married six months before. When I h-f t her I promised to return in less than six mouths. I took all my money with me, save enough to support my' wife during my absence, for the purpose of trading, when ia China, on my. account. For . a"lng times we were favored with a prosperous wind but ia China sea a tcvfjle wind sat in upon us, so that n " a snort time 1 saw lua: tuc vessel must be lost, lor we were drifting ob the rocks of au unKnown shore. 1 ordered the men to' provide each for him self, in the best possible: manner, and forget the ship, as it was an impossibility to save her. We struck a sea threw me on the rock sen.sclcs:3, and .the uext 'wculd have carried mc back - into a watery grave, had not one of the sailors dragged mc f-jithcr'upon the rocks. '--There were only four of us' alive, and when morning came we found we were on a s.mall uninhabited.. inland, with nothing to cat but the wild fruit common "to that portion Of the earth.1 I will not " distress you by im-account of my bufferings there; suffice it to say .that we remained sixty days before we , could- make ourselves kL'Own.-.""-We vvore'( taken to Canton, and there I had to beg; fer 1113' money was at the bottom of the sea and I had not taken the prPeau'iioii to have it insured. . .It was nearly a year before I had a chance to get home, and then T, a captain, was obliged It was two to ship as a common saner. Years from the time I left America that 1 iundec m Jioston. I was walking ; in a hurried manner un one of its streets, when, I met my brother-in-law. He could not t speak,: nor move, but. he grasped my hand, and the" tears gushed from his eyes. "Is my wife alive ?" ld;kC(L ' ' lie said nothing. : ' ' ' Tlien I wished I had perished with my ship,' for 'I thought my wife was dead, but he very -oon said; . . - . - ' SI12 is alive." - . . , . , . . Then it was m' turn to cry for j "y.- -He clung to mc and said : ' - "Your fuue-ral sermou has beer, preached, fur we thought you were dead for a long time." " He -said that "my wife was living iu our cottage iu the interior of the State. ; It was then 3 o'clock in "the afternoon, aud I took A train' of cars that would carry me within 2", miles of my wife. Leaving the cars, I hired a boy, though it was night, to . drive me r. home. It. was about two o'clock iu ; the doming when' the -sweet litde" cottage of mine appeared in sight. I got out of the carriage and wcut.to', the window of. the" room where the. servant girl slept,, and .gently knocked." s She opened the window and asked ' '- "Who is there -- v "SarahJ 'do you not know-mo 5aid I. . She7 screamed- with .lright, for she thought -me a ghost: but. I told her to unfasten the door and let me iu, for waiited to see my wife. She lot mc in aid gave me" a light, and F went ' up stairs fo my wife's room.;' She lay sleeping quietly. Upon her bosom lay one .child whom I had never seen. She was as beautiful as when I left her. but I could see a mourn ful 'express-Son 'upon her faeci Perhaps she was dreaming of mc. 1 gazed for a long time I did- not make any: noise, for r dared not wake her.; .At length I imprinted, a soft kiss upon her cheek! Her eyes opened clearly as though she had .not becu sleeping. I saw that she began ,to be frightened, and I said , "Mar, it is your husband." v And she clasped me about theucck aud fainted. , ' , , ; . r . . .But 1 cannot describe to you the scene. She is now the happy, wife of a poor mau. I am endeavoring to accumulate : a little property, and then 1 will leave ' the sea forever. -v ' : ; " 1 ' .' - r ' : - . -. V -r. . . Private Motel. Vc observe the following going the rounds of the rebel press , Mike has made "Several important dis coveries in his recent raid through ; the Southwest, i lie says Le has. just fouud out what a "private hotel" is. He has f-Mind several of them in Ids travels, aud they are certainly very peculiar, iustiru tions. He says their bells and gongs make as much clatter1 as if thero was really somethiug on -the table, to call the public tc, but; Then one gets there he sees nothing but empty plates. .Presently the waiters will be seen dis persing different articles of provender: pretty generally to the military gentlemen with the stars aud bars on their, collars and when you ask them to give you ''some ..of "that -what that feller's got," the waiter will look at you just as a faro dealer docs when he "rakes down your pile," iooks'as if he had. "chawed" you, aud innocently says : .'--. - '"That's prhafe, sir " . V; ' Then you look around to see what else might meet your taste, and you see another chap with eggs. You think, well, cjrers are common enough, dear knows. . "Well, nivc me some eggs, then." "Dcm's private, too, sir.- De gemrnen fotch ?em ;erc aud - we cook 'cm - for him.": .7 . . -. ; : ' - -I "Give mc some potatoes, then ; I sup pose they're not private," I ' said loud enough to attract all the eyes around the table. - ' ' ' ' ;' ' ' ,; -: "Yes, massa, dcm's private, too ; but I can give jou some corn bread, an' hero's some salt, and here's some corn bread." - ."Give me some of that butter, you black rascal," I said, aggravated, as in deed it should make anybody feci who was pnyi eg eight dollars u day for board. "Well,- x :atsa, clarp, mass;ijdat s pn- vale too V Spying another nigger, I motioned him to me, thinking I would slip a bribe into his fingers, and pOssibly get' some of the private dishes. : Ho cauje' reluctantly, and as I extended my -hand with a prom ise iu it,-.he stopped and said ia a r.s tone : ' '.' "l'sc a private servant, ma-sa "' '- This capped the climax, and I dej;er miucd to finish my meal on com dodger aud Kilt,"", and take the next traiu for a change. ' ; , The Dieeam' of the Quakeress. There is a beautiful story of a pious old Quaker lady who was addicted to the use of tobacco... Site indulged in this habit until it iucrcased so mush upon her that she not only smoked during a large portion of the day,; but frequently sat up iu bed for this purpose in the night. After one of these nocturnal entertainments she fell asleep, aud dreamed that she approached bcaven. Mcctingats angel, she-asked him if hr name was written in the Book of Life.' -;lle disappeared, ;but replied, upon returning, that' he could not find it. ; "Oh' she, said, ''do lo-A again ; it must bo there."- . . : "It is no'thcre." . "Oh," she sahi,' iu. agon-j'it uiust be therc.) I have Fie ussuranic that it is there.-" Do look-again." i ' ' The angel was moved to tears ..by her entreaties, and again loft her to reuew his search. After a long absence .he came back; with. his face radiant with 'joy, aud exclaimed . . ' ' ; '- ' "Wc" have found it, but it was so clouded with tobacco smoke that we could hardly see it.' . - . . .; . The woman upon waking, immediately threw her pipe away; and never indulged in smoking again. '- . ' - f, Kind Juikjk A yeiy Jcaru cd and compassionate judge, inji western State on passing sentence 0:1 one Jones, who ,h-id been convicted of murder, concluded ' his remarks as follows : - ' -; "1 , ; , "The fact is, Jones, the court did not at first intend to order you to ha executed before next spring ; but the weather is so very cold; our jail is unfortunately iii a bad condition ; much of the: glass in the windows i broken ; tho chimneys are in such a dilapidated state that no fire can be made to reudor your apartment comforta ble ; besides, owing to a great number of prisoners, not more than one blanket "can bo allowed to each ; and to sleep sound and comfortably is therefore out of the ques tion. , In consideration of these circum stances, and wishing to lessen your suffer ing as much as possible, the. court, iu the exercise of its humanity and compassion, do hereby order you to be executed to morrow morning,- as soon after breakfast as may be convenient to the Sheriff agreeable to you." and. ' K, An uncongenial murringr rums two excellent persons - 1 NUMBER J5. Bidn't Care Vp:IIe Bid. Inlt)ldeu tlme, before the Maine law' was invented-, Wing kept the horel afc Middle fJranTille, and from his well stocked 'bar furnished "accommodations for man and beast."' ' He was a good man, but most terribly deaf. Fish, the village? painter, was also afflicted ia the same wajv. .. . ' One day they were sitting alone in tho Far room,"; Wing was bchind'thc' counted waiting-for the next customer, while Fish was lounging before the fire, .with thirsty look,: casting sheep's eyes occasionally at Wing's deeauters, and wishing most devout ly that some one would come in and kindly treat.1';' ' ' ' ; '' ' '- - ' ; : . A traveler fioni-Pen Bsjrlvania,-on his way to Brandon, -stopped iij to inquire the' distance. : Going up . to the counter, he said : ; , '..', . " ' - " , - i : "Can you fell inc, sir, how' far ii is to Brandon.?"- ' - -v ' ; V . ,' ; -, ''Braudy V' : Va'y? the' ready ' landlord; jumping up; f'Ycs, sir; I have some' and at the same time handing down the decan ter of the precious liquor. ; : 'v- "You misunderstand me," said' the stranger; "I asked you how far it was to Brandon."' ' ' . ' " . .' '. . ,'." . "They call it pretty good brandy,'' taid Wing. "Will you take sugar with it?" reaching as he spoke for the bowl and toddy stick. . . . The despairing traveler turned to Fish and said : . v ;. ";''-; "The; landlord seems to be deaf; will ycu tell me how far it is to JJrandoh ?" "!Thank you; sir," Kail Fish, "I don't care if I do take a drink with you !" Tne stranger treated and fled.- IIoiv the OO rouxDER Parrots are Worked. -a. correspondent on Morrij Islaud writes : As thcre.is no' manual laid down for the 300-pounder Parrot, I subjoin' hat in use. The piece is on :s carriage and "from battery." Imple ments, no two to be in the same place and no one iu its proper place. ,.Th.e instruct? or gives the command 'load her. upV"- At this command the gunner sa;''lme of you fellow bring a shell," and ""John' bring a cartridge." dnio of the ''fellers" take a fmall 'Land-barrow and ; bring-'-'a-shell.; Gunner says, "stick in" that pow-" der." .'Osow, boys, hold on till I get out a fuse." Stick it in."'. AH hands, by hard heaving, got the shelj to the embra sure. Gunner says, "Swab her "out." She is.swabbed' out. : "Now, hcavo and haul, and iu it goes." It goes in aecoid iugly. "Now,, ram it down." It U rammed down. ' "Now, run her in.' ' She is run in. "Screw down the recoil bands." They are screwed down. Gunner aims! "Slew her round a. little.", !"AU ri"ht. Where's that primer 1 . "Now, get oui of thi way, everybody." .All "go to .wind ward, aud(No. ?, steps-" round acornef,' so as not to be hit if the gun bursts. " Gun' ncr says, "Blaze away " She blazes awaV. llemavk of the gunner on returning to 4hc gn, -How ere you, Sumter Bepeat. ; . , ;; ; Ui -. Sad Fate. A young gentleman - iu Dover, New Hampshire, got up one night lately to get some. ginger tea for his cold, but by mistake got hold of -a bottle of preparation' for removing grease froi' the cloibes. 1 lie did not discover his mistake .until the next morning, when he. found there was nothing left of himself but skin and bones, the preparation having eaten up every particle of fat ia his body ! ; ' . . : ' ' ! ' - 'm.v:' .: . SST'The fruuks.of two trees.' have beeu sent from the. battle-field of- Gettysburg for the .Massachusetts aud Pennsylvania! Historical Societies. They will attest tli' fierceness of the contest there, one of theni having 250 ballet holss irf (he f puce of tweuty-oue fceti-aod the other having HQ in. the same space, s Sad 'reminders : they will be of the heroic deed. " V2?- Brigharil Young boasts that he eari gfe'o; more gold aud silver from. the door of his house than .would equal the whole currency of ihe worjd. These mines are not "allowed to be opened." : The effect wonlrr-c, according- to Brigham's ideas to bring ilour the "city cf haints" a large mining population, which he would find exceedingly hard to ruhs. , . Mr. Popp, of Poppvilfe, in Popu county, fancying himself to be very popu lar with his lady love, popped the 'ques' tion under a poplar tree, when she referred him to her poppy, who, when asked for his conseut, laboring! under tho influenco 01' ginger ;pp, popped Pop out of the, dovT to thctune of "Pop goes the Weasel"' . ".'' ' ''"'.' '-?- " '"'.! ' In liicli'moud', gocd-twhikiey is selling at $5,000 a barrel, Bebel-mancy; An infuxvdv article can be had for SOOO. A tais ot Liuady eommands five dollars. Tho Utekt quotation for gold, i' I'll rebel s'urrcny'fov one gld dollar, ' ' ' h H -' i ; II t ; I 1 i- si 1 : i ii f : ft. 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Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers