THE STAR OF THE NORTE 1. W. Wearer, Proprietor.] VOLUME 8. THE STAR OF THE NORTH te PUBLISH ED EVEUY WEDNESDAY MOnNINU DV It. W. WEAVER* OFFICE—Up stairs, in Ike ticw brick build ing, on the south side o] Main Street, third square below Market. TE RMS : —Two Dollars per annum, if paid within six months from the lime of sub evibing ; two dollars and fifty cents if not paid within the year. No subscription re ceived for a less period than six months ; no discontinuance permitted unlit all arrearages •re paid, unless at the option of the editor. ADVERTISEMENTS not exceeding one square will be inserted three times for One Dollar and twenty-five cents for each additional in aertion. A liberal discount will be made to those who advertise by the year. AWAY WITH GLUOM. DV iOIIH YEOMAN. Spurn the lines which sorrow traces | Laugh the ills of life away, Tbev who wear the gladdeat facea Always Hyo the longest day. Why complain, though fortune press thee.' Why rgpioe at lowly birth, While contentment still may bless thee With the joys of pealiog mirth ? Art though rich in pounds and rubles ? Dost thou sleep on beds of down ? Laugh to see how vain the baubles Which deceive the gaping clowo. What though now thy years are many, And thy locks are turning gray ; Hast thou not a hope of any Jop beyond tby mortal day ? Thou hast dreamed perhaps of glory; { Fate has held thee under ban; Still unknown to song or atory, Thou canal be a merry man. Toil not after gilded sadness; Let not woe thy soul entice ; For the world la lull of gladness Oflered thee wilhom a price. Doat tnou apeak of cares and trouble*! Cares and troubles what are they ? Nothing more than floating bubbles, Which a laugh may drive away. Laugh, and charm (he Fates to listen; Hoot all gloomy fancies down ; Thus shall Time forget to hasten, And e'en Death relax his frown. trom the N. Y. Picayune. DO EST I(; lIS VISITS THE STRONG MINDED WOMEN. I have recently attended the annual Exhi bition of ripstsving female* who have sworn a aolemn oath to snatch the pantaloons from th* legs of the tyrant, Man, usurp (ho stove pipe hat, and monopolize all tbe standing collars lu die country. The Woman's Kights Convention at the Tabernacle has been the scene of my labor*, and the Strong-minded Females have been the subject of my obser vations. Was introduced by Damphool, who* said some of the leaders in the movement were relatives of his—indeed I should hsve recognized at once sever® female Damphools without this friendly explanalion. Lot of people present, all sympathizers with the wronged Women. The wardrobe of ihe fem inines seemed to be in a transition stale, as if as yet undecided whether to subside into petticoats, or blossom into breeches ; and if beauty had been a capital crime in llie land, not even one of ihem would ever have been accDsed, or even suspected of tbe offence. I achieved admission without difficulty, though I had previously resolved, if neces sary, lo shave of! my flowing beard, hoop up , my honored legs after the prevailing style, | and go in surreptitiously as a strong-minded female ; but the Women's Rightors had no | prejudioe against pantaloons, quite the con- , trary, and did not seriously object to whis kers. In fact, Lucy Stone's man, and Ernes tine Rose's man, and all the strong-minded women's men who were there, wore whis kers—they couldn't havo given more atten tion to raising them if there had been a fam ine in the land, and beards had been bread stuffs. Tliey elected a the President named Pau lina- not the Pauliue mentioned in '.he play, but a different animal altogether—one that Claude Melnotte would have goneeix blocks out of bis way to avoid, and whom he would no more have written poetry about, or sent flowers to, tban be would have addressed a sonnet to Fighting Moll, or tent a bouquet of violets to Black Kate, oell 599, in the Tombs. There were considerable skirmishes, a la Congress, and at one time 1 thought thai Lucy Stone and the President would have a couple ol rounds before they could settle their little matters, but when Paulina took of her jacket, roiled op her sleeves and shook her fists with a sanguinary flourish, Luce say her error and backed out. Then tbey began to do what they called baainost—couldn't see much business in it —it was ell about the monster. Man—bow (be monster, Men, was abusing frail Woman —how the mor.ster, Man would not let frail Women vote, and objected to frail Woman's wearing hie pantaloons ; and didn't want frai' Woman to make she lows, and would rather have fraH Women stay at home and tend the babies, than go to Washington and try to govorn tho Nation. And how the monster, Man, was cutting up all sorts of monkey shines with (rail Woman, and trying to keep frail Woman under tils feet, instead of lotting bar "rise o her proper sphere, and fulfil her i lofty mission,''—bow, in short, ell the world was leagued against the seven or eight par ticularly eldeily women there congregated, and trying to pulverize them to eternal smash —I suppose fhis must be all true, though if I had not Ifltd (beir solemn eeservjlions of the faet I should have gone to my grave sop posing in m/Innocence that (lie world lias bigger business to attend to. As to (beir frailly and delictus structore, it must be something that Is indicated by outward man BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1856. ifestaiions, Tor if I had not been left (a ray own judgment I should have suppoeed that Luce Stone and Lucreesh Mott could hold their own in a (air stand-up fight with Char ley Duane and Billy Mulligan—indeed, if a match conld have been arranged between the former lady and Yankee Sullivan him self, I should have lost money on Luce, lor she looks plucky—though to be sure Luce's milk-and-water husband probably doesn't offer opposition enough in. any little family quarrels they may have, to keep her skill and science up toxoncerl pilch—he's a short winded chap, and hasn't got the bottom for a pitched battle. All the unfortunate men who have been captured and converted into husbands by these females aro living exam ples of severe domestic discipline, and of the extent to which women can rule men when they once get tbe upper hand—and tbo6e of the women who are not supplied with a man, look vicious and tombawky to the last de gree, and appear to be contemplating a pirat ical foray into society to seize hußbauds by force of arms. After a while Luch Stone led off in the speech making. She made an oration about the monster, Man, and about his appropria ting the properly of frail Woman—she wani ed the law* altered so that her husband couldn't sell her shoes and shoes and stock ings, trade her best bonnet off for brandy and water, or bet her laoed night-caps on poker I without giving her a chance in the game— she said that if she ever got the law into her hands, she would for the take of the exam ple, pawn all her buab*nds'a linen and leave I htm without a dollar to go to a ahirt-tail-or for a new supply. (Hare she looked at that unfortunate specimen, and he quivered in his boots.) She also warned to boss her own children, for fear bar men would 'prentice Ihe boys to chimney sweeps, and make the girls beg cold victuals, in which case he would wax riotous on high living. Luce, having now said the same speech which she has made every year for the past seven, here rur. out and subsided. Then Ernestine Rose speechified—Ernes tine was belligerant and went in for Ihe fight ing privileges of the monster, Man,—she wanted lo smoke and drink rum punches— she wanted lo go to Congress and practice he art of war—she knew she could fight her way—she considered the use of pistols, bow ie knives and bludgeons, elegant accom plishments for a lady—she said she had been perfecting herself in Ihe science of the ring, and was "some" in a rough and tumble fight —she said she could strike from the shoulder and gouge her man or bite his nose off in a manner worthy of the greatest masters—she invented a peculiar and complicated Wck in the stomach which she thought would be considered a masterpiece of genius, and an irresistable proof of the greatness of Ihe female mind—she also wanted to learn smo king, tohaccco chewing, swearing and many other little elegancies now usurped by the monster, Man. She hoped soon lo see the day when a woman con smoke a cigar in the street without being stared at, and cock her heels up on Ihe mantel piece in the bar room without being made the subject of im pertinent remark. -Tho only thing she really despaired of was Ihe beard—she would be willing lo trade off half a dozer, husbands fot a sizeable pair of whiskers—she had, she said, faithfully tried her invigorators without number, but she regretted to sny, the symp toms were not encouraging—she had made her face a perfect hirsute hot bed, and for eight months had perseveringly annointed it three times a day with a preparation "war ranted to bring out a beard on a pine log in six weeks," but the only result thus fa: was pimples. Ernestine sat down in agony of grief, and surveyed her chain in a pocket magnifying mirror, with an expression of the intensest despair on her countenance. Other women spoke, all pitching into the monster, Man, and claiming for frail Woman the privilege of voting at general eleotions, and giving ber s chance to got her bead bro ken at the primary meetings il she chose to mix in. Nothing was said about rocking the cradle, I or otherwise attending to the wants of the rising generation, from which I infer that it is a part of the great Woman's Rights plan to import from somewhere some new breed of babies, with a ready-made appetite for pork and beans, and without any preliminary era-1 ving for milk diet. I noticed 100 that women were willing to assume the responsibilities of men except the work—there were plenty of applicants for the Presidency and for Congress, but there was no applicant-for the blacksmith's sledge hammer and forge, no candidate for the cat pentei's adze and jack-plane, and not a single voice claimed the fstmer's pri "ilega of chop ping cord wood or following the bteaking-up plougb. Luey would like to be President of the United States, but she wouldn't dig pota toes; Lucretia would like to be Minister to Franor, but sho wouldn't drive a coal carl, or get an honest living as a street scavenger; and although Paulina would havo no objec tion to becoming Secretary of State, she is the last one in tho world to roil up ber sleeves and svpport herself by laying stone wall, or digging cellars, or catrying a mortar hod up a forty foot ladder. Thoy all wanted to be , fed on the choicest cuts of beef and mutton, but not one was willing to water oxen, or to ! feed pigs. To end up with, they passe® the same old set of Resolutions, denouncing in tVq strong est terms the monster, Man, and declaring that the race might become extinct for all they would do towards tho keeping up of the populnion. I thought of the Fox and Grapes, andques tioned if that ancient and respectable fable is not paralleled by the Strong-minded Women and their Babies, that they haven't got. The Fox and the Women are alike disdainful, and the Grapes and the Babies equally im possible. I wondered, as I left the Convention, if It wouldn't be a pleasant thing to see the Strong-minded Women establishing their claim to pantaloons by doing men's work. 1 really thought the world would be edified by the sight of Paulina in a blue 6hirt and sheeps gray breeches, breaking paving stones by the day—or Lucy Stone in a car ter's frock and stogy boots, hauling molas ses for sixteen cents a load; or Lucretia, with her sleeves rolled up, and. a leather apron on, forging wagon-tiros, with Ernes tine to blow and strike. Hoping yet to be hold all these gloriouß fruits of tho Women's Rights movement, I remain, Yours, Progressively, Q. P INLANDER DOKSTICKI, P. B. A GOOD ONE. We cut the following from the Philadel phia correspondence of the N. Y. Dispatch. There is much truth in it and an excellent anecdote: Among the distinguished strangers In town this week, has been Hon. Allison White, a gentleman extensively known in your city, whom, at the recent election, tbe Demo cratic party of Lycoming and Clinton coun ties chose as their representative to Con gress. Mr. White's friends will-be pleased to learn that he is enjoying superlative health, and ready to carry warfare into the camp of fanaticism and fogyism whenever an oppottunity may present itsslf. Mr. White is emphatically a self-made man, and like an emetic, cannot be "kept down." His residence is Lock Haven, Clinton Co. Ha is not a man oi large wealth, nor wilt he probably ever be. As wealth invariably ends in gout and dyspepsia, it is not wonderful that a man should be satisfied with consid erably less than a million* Mr. W. believes the happiest man in this world to be one who has just wealth sufficient to keep bim in spirit and just children enough to quicken his industry. And he is right, for ennui is as great a bore as want. By the way, let mo relate a little incident which will illustrate the difficulties with which kvrycr* have to contend in mr-kicg the desired impression upon the jury. It was on an occasion when Mr. White was defending a boatman before tho County Court on a cliorgo of assault and battery upon an Irishman, in which the evidence went altogether against his client. After the witnesses for the prosecation had all been examined, and the District Attorney had ta ken his seat, perfectly confident of convict ing the prisoner, Mr. White called up an other Irishman, his sole witness. "Your name, I believe, is Finegan ?" "It is, sir." "Where do you reside, Mr. Finegan I" "Across tbe river, air, in a small strate run nin, forninat ould Nat Hanna'a." "And which way does the street run ?" "Length ways, sir." "But which direction, north or south,.'" "If you aland at the upper end it runs south sir; if you stand at tbe lower end it runs north." "Then you mean to say it runs north and south V "Yes sir, pervidin' you stband midway between the ends."— "And how wide is the street, Mr. Finegan 1" "From side te side, do ye mane?" "Yes, wffat is the width from side to side?" "Wei!, as near as I can tell, the distance between the two fences was percisely equal; they mightn't be, so I wouldn't like to riek the virtus of me oath upon it." "Are you a married men, Mr. Finegen ?" "No, glory be to god?" "Ab, then 1 suppose yon re side with some one; who is it?" "With the man I boord with." "And who is he ?" "Do ye know the ould blacksmith over agin the river bank ?" "I think not particularly.". "Then how the divil can you know who I boord with?" "Well, never mind, then; did you hear the testimony of these wit nesses?" "I did." "Do you know any thing about the matter yourself?" "I do not; but I know ibom witnesses iu a gineral way to be the biggest liars iu all Lock Ha ven 1" This ended ibe testimony for tbo defence. After the District Attorney had addressed the jury in a strain of magniloquence, altogether unsuiled to the oocasion, and especially to the jury, who happened to be a jolly, good natured set of fellows, Mr. White arose to spsak for the defence. He appreciated and fathomed the jury in a moment, and shrewd ly adapted his remarks to their tastes. "Gentlemen of the jury," said he, "if these witnesses could be on a pile of broken bottles until they toVwbat they knew, you would have discharged my olient without a word. But it's as hard to get the truth out of some witnesses, as to draw a bob-tailed cat through tlu hung hole of a barrel. Gentlemen of the——" Mr. White had pro gressed thus far when the foreman of the jury, in o spasm ol laughter, told the Court that they had agreed upon a verdict, and i were ready to adjourn. It was—Not Guilty! Had Mr. W. pursued his usual dignified and scholarly mode of address, nothing would have saved his client from a six months in carceration. This occurrence, however, trans pired many years ago, when the present Congressman was a legal stripling, and when twenty dollar fees were less plentiful than ten limes that amount is now to a first olass I attorney. It was the beginning through I which every successful lawyer must pass. * Troth and Right God and oar Country. From the Philadelphia Ledger. A PROFITABLE TELEGRAPH. There can now be no question that the At lantic Telegraph will prove one of the most brilliant and important successes on record. Tbe stook is about all taken, and will, be yond doubt, soon be at a premium. Every feature connected with it has been already tried and proved, before a step haa been ta ken, so that it stalls off with success guaran teed in every possible form and contingency. In a scientific poiut of view, it haa been test ed by actual experiment on the land, and the demonstration made clear that the cur rent can be sent along a much more-wxtend ed lino, while it is also known by actual trial that the isolation oan be maintained as per fectly under water as above. In a commercial point of view, it starts with a guarantee of four per cent, on the wholo capital stock, from one customer alone, the British government, which cannot be reduced bolow 3 per cent, for twenty five years to come, and not to that, until tho whole income is six per cent. It is true, that for the larger sum tho British govern ment has a right lo about six mossagei per day, costing $35 apiece. For all over that, it will have to pay tbe usual rates. It has also priority over all customers, except the United Slates government. England will find this a cheap aad profita ble bargain for herself, saving much money in the transportation of troops, &c. FRp7O,- 000 per acQum, she is put in momentary communication with the whole of the Cans das, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and New Brunswick, and, ahnva bar Minis ter at Washington. This also will be the channel of intercourse with her West Indian possessions, whiob will soon be conneoted with the telegraph system of Ihe %)lted States. Thus she will be kept in instant communication will, all her Governors, her troops, and her fleets. The United St ties government will, per haps, not pay quite so much, and yet, when the absolute necessity is considered of the government at Washington being able to communicate as rapidly as any other power with its agonts in England, France, Spain, Germany, in fact, all over Europe, and with its fleets in tho Mediterranean, there can be no doubt that, to secure equal advantages with the British government, a nearly simi lar amount might well be paid. Other gov ernments will come next in point of dignity and precedence, probably, 'hough net in point of the profit they will yield avowedly. But Spain muslcommnr.iaaio with Havana, and ail governments with Washington. Ttm newspaper press will afford ono of the most certain and rapidly increasing sources of rev enue. If the charges are high, it is probably that, at first, there will be some associated press arrangement, by which tho markets and most important outlines of the news will be transmitted each way. Tbis cannot hold for long. Mammoth papers like tho London Times will want their special columns daily from their own correspondonts. Our own journals will not be found deficient in this kind of enterprise, nor should we be surprised if in six months one line has more business than it CAN perform, au<] other wires have to be laid. Besides this, tbe private communi cations of business men will be immense. The large houses of New Ypik and London will want to communicate important transac tion* daily. Brown, Bowen & Co., and Brown, Shipley, & Co., Hope, and Roths child, in faet, all the really large houses, dealing either in atooks, exchange or* pro duce, must, and will hare almost daily cor respondence in cipher. And not only between N. Y. and London but from Chicago to Calcutta, and all in be tween, will make use of this, the sole high way of lightning and of thought. Paris and St. Petersburg will have thoir commer cial announcements to make to New York. The arrival and departure of almost every important vessel will by degrees come to bo notified, and hundreds of inquiries made af ter every one delayed at sea. Besides com merce, friendship and family ties will re quire tbo use of the telegraph for some hours in each day. Whether parties will ever be married by telegraph across the A'lantic may, perhaps, be a question. It is said such things have happened in this couutry; bur soon, at leaßt, the day will arrive when overy other sort of agreement will thus be made. Fat Alderman ID London will send to New York and to the West Indies for the finest turtle of the season, regurdloes of ex pense, and Dr. Dryasdus will send ia his bid for some rare old manuscript or volume to be sold that day in Vienna, or Paris, or Lon don. The Mayor of New York will be in viting the Lord Mayor of London to a ban quet in the Crystal Palace, ten days before hand, and the Governor of Canada and Lord Palmerston will be able to sit in their offices, one in Qcebeo and the other in Downing street, be put in communication, chat and touch glasses by telegraph on the Queen's birth-day, as they drink her Majesty's health. With all these sources of revenue, (he linn must be a grand success pecuniarily, if it is only decently managed. Deep down in the depths of the ocean, the sparks of lightning will flash along the wires, and across from end to end in less than a quarter of a second. There wili be no night then, for fresh relays of operators will work it without cessation. Of oourse tho whole thing will bo conducted more expensively than if the- Yankees had hold of it. Such things always are on Brit tab ground, but it will be done substantially and reliably well. There will be- no way stations to keep up, so that tho expenses ought to be.sraalt, and the profile ibust be very large. Nor should il be forgotten how rauoh it will improve tho business and the value of an equal length of line extending Irom this city to Newfoundland. If the for mer be a success, the latter will be doubly so. New Orleans and Ixtndon will daily wan! to feel each other's pulse to cotton and sugar, and the cargoes bought and sold must be notified ail through. It is quite possible indeed that one or two cables may be lost by storms. Rut they will probably be insured,and should half a dozen cables prove failures, with suet brilliant prospects of a dividend, the attempt will be renewed until successful. We should not be surprised if in five years, there are at least as many rival lines competing for the carry ing trade of facts and thoughts across (he Atlantio. CURIOSITIES OF ELECTRICITY. The peculiarities of that terrible but mys terious agent, lightning, ore made the subject of an interesting paper in a recent number of the British Quarterly Review. Two clouds are not necessary for the production of light ning, which is frequently di9chatged from a solitary clump of vapor, when a connection can be established with the earth. A French Academician, named Marcolle, describes a case where a mere cloudlet about a foot and a half in diameter, killed a poor woman by dropping a thunderbolt upon her bead. It has been shown by Faraday that the electric fluid contained in a single flash might per haps be supplied by the decomposition of one grain of water alone. M. Arago has di vided the lightning into three sons. The first icclude those where the discharge ap pears like long Inminous lines, bent into an gles and zigzags, and varying complexion from while to blue, purple or red. This kind is known as forked lightning, because it occasionally divides into two branches.— Charpenlier relates a case where a flash sev ered into three forks, each of which struck on points several hundred feet apart. Still more numerous furcations have been report ed, for it is said that during a tempest at Landernsau and St. Pol de Leon, twenty four churches were struck, though three dis tinct claps were heard. This was eight churches apiece for the three explosions! The seoond class of lightning differs from (he first in the range of surface over which the flash is diffused, and is designated as sheet lightning. Sometimes it simply gilds the edges of the cloud, whence it leaps; but at others it floods with a lurid radiance, or else surface with blushes of a rosy or violet hne. SL The thirj class of lightnings are remarka ble for their eccenTTICTHto, .ml have been made the subjoct of considerable attention among meteorologists, many of whom have denied their right to be treated as legitimate lightnings, they differ so widely from the or dinary sort of flashes. They exhibit them selves as balls or globular lumps of fire—not momentary apparalions, but meteors which take their own time, and travel el a remark able rate. It is this incelenty which gives them their doubtful character, as an electri cal bolt is supposed to be one the leading emblems of velocity. AMftoj* other anec dotes related of this kind of lightning is the following incident, wbicfa' occurred to a tai lor in the rue St. Jacques, Val de Grace, about the year 1543. M. Bsbinet was com missioned by the Academy of Sciences to investigate the facts, and fejTorted substan tially as follows: "Afters loud thunderclap, the tailor be ing finishing his meal saw the chimnoy bosrd fall down as if beset by a slight gust of wind, and a of firo, the size o( a child's head, come out violently into (he room, at a small height above the floor; the tailor said il looked like a good sized kitten, rolled op in a ball, and moving without showing its paws. The globe came near his feet, like a young cat that wants to nib itself against its master's legs; but by mo ving them asids gently he avoided the con tact. It appears to have played for several seconds around his feet, he bending his body overil and examining it attentively. After trying some excursions in different direc tions, it arose vertically to the height of his head, which he threw back to avoid touch ing his face. The globe elongating a little, then steered towards a hole in the chimney above the mantle-piece, which hole received a slope-pipe in the winter, bnt was now pasted over with papor. 'The thunder,' he said, 'could not see the hole; but neverthe less the ball went straight to the aperture, re moving the paper without hurting il, and made its way into the chimney. Shortly af terwards, and when he supposed it had time to reach the top, it made a dreadful explo sion, which destroyed the upper part of the chimney and threw the fragments on the roofs of smaller buildings, which they broke through. The tailor's lodging wsb on the third story : the lower ones wore not visited at all by the thunder-bolt.'" Lightning, when it meets with an obstruc tion in its course, frequently shatters the non conducting ohjeel, disponing end bursting substances usunder in every direction, as if they had been charged with gunpowder.-*- The stone pinnacle of a church iu Cornwall was siruck by lightning, and one fragment weighing three hundred pounds was hurled sixty yards to tho southward, another lour hundred yards to the north, and • third to the south-west. In 1838 thejopgallant-mast of H. M. ship Rodney was literally cut up into chips by a flash of lightning, the sea be ing strewn with the fragments as if the car penters bad been sweeping their shavings overboard. Sometimes, in striking a tree or mast, the olectric fluid will slice it into long shreds or filaments, ao that it will appear like a huge broom or a bundle of laths. Light ning bolls will occasionslly dash through re sisting objects by tearing great openings, as in a Cornish church, where apertures wero made in tho solid wall of Iho bolfrey four teen inches deep, and as if cut out by art. In other instances Bmall holes are drilled which are surprising for their perfect circularity of form. Window panes have been frequently pierced in this fashion, without effecting the rest of the glass. In forming these apertures, a burr or projection is lefi upon Ihe edges. Juvenile electricians are in the habit of making holes in cards by passing discharges through them when a burr or projection will be observed on both sides of the orifice.— Sometimes a single discharge will produco two holes in a card, each puncture marked by a single burr, one on the upper and the other on the under part of the card. In some instances the results aro such as to suggest that a flash may be split up into several fiery filaments beforo it strikes an object. In 1777 a weathercock of tinned copper was hurled by a thunderbolt from the top of a church in Cremona, and, upon inspection, was found to be pierced with eighteen holes; in nine of them the burr was conspicuous on one side, and in nine it was equally prominent ON the other, while Ihe slope ol tho burr was identical in all. Among the curiosities of lightning are what is termed "fulgnrities," or tubes, which the lightning constructs when it falls upon a sillicious apot, by fusing the sand, They may be called casts of thunderbolts. In some hillocks of sand in Cumberland, Eng-1 land, these hollow tubes have been found from one-fiftieth to two inohes in diameter, tapering perhaps to a mere point. The en lire extent of the tubes may be thirty feet, but they usually separate into numerous branches, and have the appearance of the skeleton of an inverted tree. They are lined with glass as smooth and perfect as if it bad been made io a glasshouse. Accident In High Llfo. [From our Fal-lal Correspondent amongst the Superior Classes ] On Tuesday last, a lady of title, whose name has hitherto been kept a profound se cret, whilst proceeding up the grand slaij caso of Sutherland House, to pay tho amia ble duchess a visit, neglected, we arc sorry to state, to take the necessary precaution of walking up sideways. The consequences ol her recklessness (which, it is to be hoped, will net as a warning to other ladies) was, that her dress, which, scion la mode, was fully twice as broad as it waa long, becamo so completely wedged in between the ban isters and the wall, that it was impossible for her to move either one way or the other. Her ladyship's position was not one of the most agreeable in tho world. It was, in fact, as alarming as it was awkward ; for it was not a pin's poiat more practicable for her to advMtice than it was to retreat. There she remained for 6ome considerable period, per fectly immoveable in body, though not on moved in temper; and every minute of that prolonged agony will probably be recollected by the fair prisoner cf Crinoline until the last day of her lifa, when she throws off the "mortal coil" of hoops and hen-cooped pet ticoats. Finding, at last, her efforts to re lease herself from her ridiculous immure ment perfectly ineffectual, the question nat urally arose as to what had best to bo done. Wete the banisters to be sawn awa; ? or, was a hole to be excavated in tho wall, of a sufficiently large circle, in which her lady ship could with safely turn round and slide off? No; out of respect to the duchess, it wos resolved by a council of elderly ladies, held on the landing, that it was better that the dress should be cut away. Accordingly, half a dozen young milliners wore fetched from Madame do Jupon's establishment in the neighborhood; and with the help of a large scissors and garden-shears, they set to work in good earnest, in order to clear the thoroughfare. During the operation, which was witnessed in the most breathless silence byaorowdcf European nobility, that ow ing to the passing impediment, hud gathered behind, her ladyship was supported by burnt feathers being applied under her aqniline nose, and lumps of sugar dipped in eau-de cologr.e being dropped into her month. How ever, owing to the distance caused by the circumference of her dress, these bad to be inserted between a pair of tongs (of the brightest steel,) and it was onlj by extend ing the tongs at arm's length that the resto ratives could be introduced near enough to reach her exhausted person. After severe labor, and the sacrifioe of many yards of the most expensive more antique, Madame de Jupon's assistants (who, if they had been fe male navigators, could not have worked with greater zeal or hardihood,) succeeded in extricating the unfortunate lady from her distressing dilemma, of solitary confine ment. The difficulties they encountered in cutting through lite innumerable strata of silk, whalebone, guimpure, foundation mus lin, gause stiffening, calico, flannel, caout chenc, and crinoline, would, we are told, if minutely related, send a thrill through the bosom of the stoutest engineer 1 The lady, considerably curtailed of her fair proportions, was carried home, inore-detd than alive, in a sedan chair. The ruins of the dress were removed in a cart. The slairoase be enlarged.— Punch. The man who works twonty-five hours a day, it lias been discovered, was a priuter. He got up an hour beforddaylight. [Two Dollars per Annua, NUMBER 49. Western Annoyances. Judge J , wlio recently returned (rem a lour in ihe West, elates an anecdola illus- Iraling the horrors to which travellers in that roc ion aro oxposeJ. in his passage to one of the rivers, he foil in company with a talk ative lady and gentleman, to whom he was relating some of hie sufferings from mosqui toes. "Husband," said the lady to the gentle man owning that title, "yoa had better tell the gentleman about the man we met—in lows." The hint was sufficient, and "husband" proceeded to aay that, in their travels farther west, thoy had made the acquaintance of a stalwart, rollicking, western hoesier, one of the genus who oould "whip his weight in wild cal9," but who possessod a fund of quiet humor. On one occasion they stop ped at a hotel in the interior, r.ot of the most inviting appearance. They wore shown to their rooms, tho hoosior at one end, and the lady and gentleman at the oiher, of a long ball. About midnight tho drowsy couple were started by a report of fire-arms, pro ceeding from life end of the hall oconpied by their travelling companion. Both started up in boil and began to spec ulate npon the probable cause of this on timely alarm, When they heard a rushing of feet, and a confusion of voices in the hall— On going to the door the gentleman found the whole household, headed by the land lord, rushing in the direction of the report. His curiosity led him to join this midnight procession, and he arrived with the rest, ia iront of the hoosiet's door. The landlord tried fhe latch, but found it fast, whereupon, in a loud voice, he demanded instant ad mission: "What do you want ?'• roared the voice within. "Want to come in !" replied tho land load. "Can't do it!" was the response from within. "It's my room, and I'm in bed; can't come in." "Let me in !" shouted the landlord, in a louder tone, at the same time shaking the door violently, "or I'll break the door down." "Hold on!" rojoined the voice within; "I'll open the door." The door wns aoon opened, when in rush ed tho whole party, expecting ta find the floor covered with blood. What was their surprise to find everything in its proper place, and the hnosier calm and unconcern ed. A revolver waa lying caraleUety up on the bed. "Who fired that pistol?" demanded the landlord. "I did!" was the reply. "Why ?" asked the landlord. The hoosier stepped to the bed, and throw ing open the covering said: "Look bore! do you sco that?" The attention of the party was at once di rected to the point indicated, and there, over the whole surface of the sheet, bedbugs were scampering in every direction, like a flock of sheep frightened by a dog. The landlord was chagrined and puzzled, and looked to his lodger for an explanation. "These," began the hoosier, straightening himself up to his full height, and gesticula ting with his right hand in grandiloquent alyle; "these are my friends; I have set tlod an armistice with them, and we ere on friendly terms; but on the window-eil! there, just outside, you will find two infernal big fellers that I couldn't do anything with, and so I just put a bullet through 'em. But it's all right now, it's all understood between me end my friends here, and we shall get along well enough now." It is needless to add that the landlord re tired to his own bed visibly crest fallen, while the spectators enjoyed a hearty laugh. DISASTERS OK TUB LAKES.—The present season has been remarkable for the great nnmber of marine disasters which have oc cnried. Tho losses npon our inland seas are greater in nnmber and fatality than have ever been known before in the same length of time. From an imperfect list of .lost ves sels which lias been published, we see there has been six steamers, nine propellers, two tugs, five brigs, and twenty-eight sohooners, either burned or wrecked. Several have never been beard from. At least two hun dred lives bare also been lost. Hr The man who hates yon is the man you havo helped. Jones one day refused to endorse any more for Skidmore. Whet has been the resnlt ? Why, Skidmore al lows that Jones is the meanest man in New York, and has some thoughts of setting firo to his carriage house, and burning up Mr. Jones' phaeton and light bays. tW Owing to the new order of •kirts, concert rooms do not hold as many people as they formerly did. In consequence of this, Thalberg talks of charging women by the foot. Not a bad idea, provided ho makes them pay the expense, and not their husbands. LT ' I cannot imagine," Baid Alderman H., " why my whiskers should tuyi gray so much soonor than the hair of my head."— "Because you have worked so much more with your jaws than your brain," observed a wag. REST. —Rest is a very fine medicine. Let your stomachs rest, ye dyspeptics. Let your brain rest, ye wearied and worried men of business. You can't? Cast off all superflu ities of appetite and fashion, and see if yon can't. Female help are said to be better paid in San Francisco than any other class of peo ple, receiving from $4O to $6O per month.
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers