COLUMBIA
DEMOC
AND BLOOMSBURG GENERAL ADVERTISER,
LEVI L. TATE, EDITOR.
"TO HOLD AND TRIM TUB TORCH OF TllUTII AND WAVE IT O'ER TltK DARKENED EARTH."
rP1i1 11HXO . nr Kf l 1 i Ttr I Ainu
xiuii iio ; &6 UU 1 1 AD V A IN UJJi.
RAT,
VOL. 19. NO, 23.
BALTIMORE LOCK HOSPITAL
Baltimore, Aid,
fcSTABLISHED as a REFUGE FROM
QUACKERY.
Tie 0)ly Place xvhtrc a Cure can be ob
tained. Dr. Johnson has dip-eovcrrd ibo most
Cettaln. Pptfily. ikI only riTcfiiinl Urmeily in Hip
World rot Uirikiicss cf tin- liark ir Limbs, Strictui.s
Aileetionsof thr Kidirys nml lllndilcr, Involuntary
Hlmhrirgts. Impolitic), tJi iicrul nihility, Nervous-IKH-,
I Ul'l'flii, Languor, l.i TV Sjiiriitt. Confusion of
lilms. I nlpltatlnn of I In- limit, Timidity, 'I ri milling,
lilnnets.il Sightor (ililillneks. MmiBi-orthe lltnil
Hiti-ut. Nous ir Ponds-those Terrible Disorders
Irish- frtni Pilltut) IIiiMih of Youth-smd on. I
miliary pincllus ii orr Itiltil lu tin Ir victlmg than the
song of fjn us In tin Miitlm t of UMsses, blighting
lltclr limn liillllnnt hopes i r iiiitiiipaiimis, rendtring
inarriticu, In., linpoktulilc.
YOUNCi MEN
Imperially. hIio havo become Hit-victims of Solitary
Vlci-. tliatdnnilfiil mill ili-ftniitlvi- linliit h Mi Intuitu
ull r-wi-i'ps tn tin tiMliiu-l) iraethoiininil of jouug
nipu of thn iho-l i xnltii: Inlpi ts nml billliiiiit liitillect,
who in Ip lit nilu m Ire have intiuniiil lli-tiNing Son
n'es With 'he thumb re of eloipif lire, or wnk.'il tu cc
M.uy the lain,, lyic, ii nj-inll tilth full conlidi-nie.
MARRAIGE.
f ni rleil persons, or young men cnntoinpl.nlng mar
finite, being aware of physical weakness, niganlc du
hilily, ili-l'oriiiitU-, spei-iliiy mml.
lie h" pine, s Ii luidt-lt iiniK-r the euro of I)r i. may
fi lii'lniisly loniidi! in his honor lis n gentleman, and
cuiilitleutly rt-ly upon hi kill us u pliysicUtr
.hkiavic ivi:.KNi:fc;i
n n.ri'liili I) Ciiri-I iniil full vigor u.lnrt'tt.
Iii" illtr- n-i'i;: it tii 1 1 ion uliicli renders lifn ruin
cabin mid man mgu impossible i tin- p-n.ilty put
by 'In- vlilliu -I liupn.pi r Indulgence Voung per-miii-i
lite ton apt in ,-i mi il i-xiisji.,. from not being
oh a r" i f ' In- il re nl fill roii --I'll in in tl'iit limy ensue.
Nov.. ulmth.it uii.lf r.l.iioi the mibji rt Hill prilcnd to
tuny Hint tin pivver of pmcrp nt f n is lost sooner hy
those falling nun i d 1 1 r " liiiLIU limn by Ho,- pro
ilunt I lii'sid -i b ii., in pnviil in mi- i I i iiMi 1 1- hi laal
ti j iilfipriug tli.i mo m rioni nml distrncllic syinp
hnit.01 hotli I,,,, v an-l mini! aris"). Thu P stum be-loini-i.
itirmaoil, tit.- phytual mil moiit.il funiiioiii
, him m il, I.ojs of I't'i-ri alivn pouor, iN'i-rvoiia Irri
lability llu pi i. I' ilp'l.ilinii nftlip ll'-art, liHijijn
linn, Cnm-lllutl I II. lolilj, n H"iillli;t o( thu 1'rami:
Cough. CnllMlniptloii, l)i ,-ay mi I llu.ilh
llll. I illN.vio.V,
Minilii-r of tl-.p Ii-yul i'uIIi-ki) ol Snrgponn, I.omlon,
(ir 11111.11-1 trooi u of th nnHt i-miiiuiit Colli'gpH lu (h
t'niti'il Mi'ti. anil thi- irn-ni,-r part of ulnxe lifo lias
lo-i n p lit in t i ii t it.ilc of ttoiirlou, 1'arin, I'ltlla-,i'-ipiiii,
aii'l i-l.ii-uh' ri-, lou i if-iiti-il i-iiiitt- o tin- mont
n.toiii liti'Siuri- lint urroovi-r known; many trou-hli-il
unit rincinv in tho lo-'iil ami i i.lH t lien aalepp,
i!ical im'H"'1.-m h, inn iilarm ol at .nwl'ii-u m-unilh.
I'-i'lifutiiPKi Hi In-' nl liliiFliing, attcinliil toni".
tiito-a Mtli ili-iaiciiiu.it ot nun J, were cured imme'ii-m-
ly.
TAKI5 r nTlfl'lt NOTH.'M
fir. J. alilri'i"'i all lli-Mauho liavt' itijurpil IIipiii
i 1vh by iiii.r":ii-r i'oliili.'iin- anil Foliiin-y lialiiti-.
hi til ruin ti-.l h li.tt) ,nol miml, unlitliiig tliiiu for
i itln r tiu i lit t--4 liiiiy. s'-rn-iy or marnai'i-.
rii'' ar'' m)io of th - nail ami mi-lauthrry ellVi ts
pro-lilt- l bv '-ail linlili- of oiitli, vi.. U'ciikncnH of
tli.i Hack iiii-t i.iiiib-i, r.inii; in lb- Hi-ail, Diiiiiii-"-) ol
filit, I."" of Mu iiil.-r 'oi-i. I'lilpiiatloii of tin
Hi ul llyiM-lii. i'r"U" I'riiliilulity, 1 1 r.iugt- n t
of ilii' I'lit' -livi ruuili'iiiM fit m-ial Debility, ryoip
Inm- r.f i;oiisillllil lull ,V.
Mim ii. i. v I lii I. -,ti nil I'UVcli- on thu 1 1 1 i 1 1 -1 arp uitiili
Ii. tip tir-ailiil l.o-Hof i.' lour l'oliriiiioii of Ideal
It -pii-!jji ii of pintp, I nl It biiim-d. Av'-rionlo
Ho, n-iy. M'lt Hiati it, I. in ol . i Htitli , Tiinnlity.&i.
hp -oiu of tin-1 i i- pro lui "'!.
'i Ii -tir imi.I:. ol por-.'111-t o'" alt a?p ran nun jniliii
. h ii i Ho- ciiiih' of iln ir 'li'diinii: lu-alih, Iumiij,' tH"ir
Ioi, b iomiiiM-ak t'tl-, in-rv'oi -mil i-u ariatvil,
Itjti'lu a iiil'ii!.'i iippf 'ti. i'n i .-iboiii ilic i'yi, ioiit;h
au. lyiiiplunis of l -iiiiu niplioii.
YOIJNC .MEN
wli'tt ii k iirt' Itiftii!- i iv Iw .i ff-Litn jir.irtiro. ii
itt.i iu u licit ,ii i . i li ilnt fr'i'trMilJy lt'.iiii':il irum
i vii t uiiip.ini'iui, ut ,it !n, , ilti vlYvi ts ' wlmli uru
niiiliil) i.'tt f mii w li. ti .j4ii'(t, iniil, if nut t,n r"l run
tli rr nmtrt.ii' iiuii.ilhlii nii'l ilf.strnys tint ti unttl .tin)
hotly. flintiM ;til limit 'i'iuI' ly.
li.it a pity llitii .i yiniiic niiiii, tin' hep" fif mir rnuii
t rv. lite (irirlc nl Iih imc-iiU fttiHlcli-M) finui
fill pMjlci l ;HKl Clljt(UHi Utf. tlf ltd' Uy Ultf lOllrlf!
ipit'iiii mi .Iui,i1iii iruiu hi- path (f n;intr!- runt in
in I cr HH' in a nniu si n( t ij.iijit. 'iuJi pcritotis muht,
hi 1'uic out inpl.ittn
MARRIAC'E,
retli-il that a iio'i-nl iiiiinl anil bo.lv art tin- inot nPin
t-aiy ri-piii-ttt'H 4 pioiuiitr roiiuubi.il li.ippjin-f g In.
tli-eit, willinit ttii-R.- tin- Jiuiriicj thr-iuli life b'-i-umon
u wi-.-iry pIlL'rimiiL'e ; tin prop. it liuiirly Jarkem, to
tho vihw, llif iiiiu.l bcuoiii' ii ali.iflnw'.-il uitli ilepair
anil lllli-il u Mb the mi'l.iurdolly r. II lino that thu h ip.
piuen of aiiniher bcioiio-u blighted vinli oar own.
Ojjlcr, 7 Smith h'rcdeiick Stfcc',
Ipfl-hainl mile gi lug from italtikiuri' htreet, .1 fc-v Honrs
front thi etirui-r. I'-iil not tu oluerve uaiiie aii.l nniu
her.
No li-(pr rp-'fU'-'l i'nl"H pn-tp-ii-l anil con
taiiiniK a 'tump tu lip ui-il mi tlip r' ply. ItriuiiiM
writluc lioiilil i-ttite ago ami end purlinu uf advertise -nii-nt
dCsiribing yniptoiu
The I orlor'p Olpbiiuo h.iag in bin oriin.
Endorsement ol the 'reus.
The innnv t liu'iTi ml h cuti'd m (hi. Ps'i..sliiuf nl
w itliin the 'lint twenty year-, ami the (nuiinMim tin.
porlanl tiirgltal npprutiini pi tCormnd, by DrHJolun.
toil, uitiii'i-fi'il by thu uporti'r" f Tiu Sim nml in my
other pjicr-, iiiiliif- ol uhlib bu.o appeared ng.im
and again ii fore Iln- pnblir, bi-riili- Irm rlnitdtiig nm
gentleman of ihauit' r ami rui-poiii'ibility, m a mill
cieiit giuiraiily to tlu utiliiii'd.
Skin Uncases Spcedilii ( urcd.
April !J, IdiJ.-ly
UP DE GRAFF'S
EYE AM) If A It IM'ltm.AUY,
(On the fi'iuare, Three Hours from Steele' Hotel
WILKESBARRE, PA.
''PIUS 1NSTUTI0N is now opened and
JL fiiriiivhed Ir. the uioit costly style. Deception.
Vriv.ilcauil Dperu'iug Uooiu are large, ronvi'nient and
ui 1 udnpti-d. II' surgical npartiiiuiit cnnniina thn
Ont'M coili-cUoii of inl,-iiiupnla ill IhlJ country, and
thus Ins I'tcu'tfi'F ill enalile him to meet any ami all
I'uiP.g .etei 'ipraitii u hp will operate upon an mi
x.irious tWiiMof tll.lN'UN'UiS, L'alarucl, Oceluon ol
the 1'iiiiit, IUat Hvi'i., cimoire nf Ihn Tear Hilda, III
vertiiiu of tip' i:yi liils, I'ti-rygluni, kc c. And will
tri-til ad I'orins ol't-ori s, I'.yo liranuled Litis. Opacetieii
nf the Cornea, ami rfcrolilloin diio'aies of the Cye to-
geiher with all tne iiis'-aniri in which tu? i-yo u
III, VI "i II' "fc nil ill'. inyi-!iiri i'lil""".' -
"Am orgaii lii'iliHrgi's frmu the I'nr, NoIsph i Hie tar
. t'atanli. iliili' "Hy of lii-arliig.total Ileifness even whero
the Drui i i i 'uyfil. Will iuserl an arlifit ial line
. ,
V".' iiiji-1. mm 'i-iip 'i iipii t-r &ti .iiuiui-d pmii.
.V u,i ul. .. rl.i.. It i-l .III III tli. IIIIMI.1.1'. Ol III, 11 III It rill.
ty IIIP1..1 I'" UI II... . .. -.' I . I ll -HH-.-.--- "
' inoii to 'i-e i'! r m tin! Nosp will bu treated
' ff CUM" A i-l lit, i"l V. llu will operate upon Club
' riv led, Ilai.' I . ' ' II . u' nu' T on r. Cancers, Unlar-
I 'I- ; I a (t, Pl.i.'tn nnnriibiiilK tlV llPallllg HOW
whatever ch.ii.irtr it may present.
tlllltXIA (or KlUTUKIiJ- He HI pr-tfurm "I.ab in
oocration for tho rvill.al .coniplct') cure of Hernia.
Hit. 1 1 iii.'i"- ittouuUy a porfKl cure, ami is none Willi
tlltlo or no pniu. L'ui tfiniuy Iniudrpil npi-rutcil upouin
Jlntlou lli'-re tin" been mi failures it having met the
iicrfritiipprobau "li of ill wliohave ulinii)ted tn it
a n'i'i Pfi .. i. I r.. ivii;im..ri nriiiipial lives giv
iipkii lino up' ti'iuii pans, .in' wi-ui-ii.1 wiib-'i' ".
ing lliem thn iiinlH a nml i-iprcsiun of the natural.
'l'h. v nr.) ilifli-rl- ll l.'llll I tin ll-ahl oaill.
IlkMOKiillOll).-, 'I'lles.) This troublesome disease
it leadily cmud. Thut-o sulleriug froiutl willuowei
ft. ii.
Jii Up DuCratTvl its U'ilkes.Ilarri- u-lth view of
biiililing up n I prii'.nii'iit llt.litute for the treaiment of
J i the I'.yi), l.arai.'l u .neral Surgery, 'nto experience! ot
'.. " nl prnitice.ho .lopes, will boa toilicient guaruntcu to
i-, more thn.i a u mrti-r ufa century in llospllal anilgener
' Vdioxe who may lie dinposi'il tu employ him,
!? May 1 1, letii.ir.
TINWARE Si STOVE SHOP.
THU undersigned rrspi-ctlully informs his old friend
and ciistomers. I liii I bit has purchased his brothers
merest in the ubovo I'stHblUhuii'ut.aiidth'! cnucutu nils
licrealXer k rouiUiti'il hy hiiiisi'll')'xcisively.
- IIP lid just received ami uuers lor saio, inn iarg
Jtjyft est Hitd most exteuftvu assortment of r'AXUY
sjBti i v i;m evrr lutroiiiirrn into tins inarm i.
--.'e Ills stuck cousbis of a complPtu assortment of
lie best Cooking and parlor stoves in the market, togeth
er nith tfl'ive fixtures of every Jescriptiou, Oien and
r.nv r-tuves, ItadiatorSi.Cylindar Htnvcs, Cast Iron Air.
Tiltl.l stoves, t'niiuou Btoves, &c. i.c Slovupipo and
'I'lnware coiirtautly on hand and manufactured to order.
All kinds uf repairing done, as usual, on short notice.
The patri'Iia-.t of old friends and new cusloiusti is
putfully sulinted, A RUl'lilU'
nuoni ti'ttj t)Yi;tl'j:t Jd UW.-U'.
Mrimiuwfjwi
Select poclqi.
Whut Is Wealth ?
Wealth It tninpt.iing inoro thnn gold,
More than luxury and case ;
Treasures never to bo told
May be found apart from these.
A'Cii who great possession own
Mny bu needy hiid tho less)
Thpy are rlih, ami they alone,
Win) have stores of nobleness.
Palaces are dra.iry domes i
Talr dpiiicsni s, but deserts wlldj
If there bo not happy homes,
(lentle thoughts, and mannsrs mild.
T.iist inn, though his lot bj small,
And ho makes hut slight pretense,
lie who IIvps at ppaee with all
Dwells ill true magnificence.
If you'd prove nf noble birth,
O beware of Ju Igments rash ;
Scorn to measure human worth
"My sordid rulo of cash,
(old ami silver liny depart.
Proudest dynasties may fall ;
lie who lui' tho truest heart
. is tho richest ufus all.
laABia'j.gim.asmuBps.ictmirauLiij'j.nii ,um .
FOILING A RIVAL.
''The oiittcr lores nto ! t know sho loves
mo !" snid Jonathan Dnnbiliiiij;, as he tat
ujioii the iioriiQeld fi-nop, nieditnting on
tho course of li is truo ove, that was mu
lling just as Shnkj)e:irc alwnys toiil it did
rather roughly. Mf Sukry I'eabody
lias tnken a sliino on that gawky, long
.-hanked, etiinierin' fhy orittnr UiiMsot. just
'catieo hu is a city I'tllur, shu ain't tho gal
I took Ikt for that's sartnin. No ! its
i he old folks diirn ihcir ugly pictures.
Old Mif? I'cuhody was allcrs a dreadful
bifalutin' fritter, full of big notions, and
the old niiiti a regular softhead, driven
about by hi' wifi' jt.Mt as our old one-eyed
rooster i-i drove about by our cautahker
ou" five-toed Dirldu heu. Hut if I don't
spile his fun my nanio l int Jonathan
I in L'oin' dun to the city by the railroad
next week, ami whtu I coniu back ake
snakes I that's .til.'
1 be aliove solio(uy may serve to
tve
the rendi r some-slight idea of thu 'lay of
ihe lantl' in the pbasant iiislio village
when' the speaker resided.
Mr. Jonathan l)oubiu:ns was a vcug
I'nrnirr, tcll to do iu the world, and look
ing out fur a wife, and had been paying
his uddrnKes to Miss Susan l'eahody, of
that i'k, Willi a lair prospect of tuoccss,
when a citj nrquuintanco of tho I'oaboilys,
one Mr Oojnulius Gusset, who krjt a re
tail dry gouils bhup iu Jlanover tercet,
Hj-Ioii, had ruddenly uiadu his appearnci
in the field, ami had commenced the 'cut
ting out' gi me. Dizzied with tho pros
pect of becoming a gentleman's wifo, and
ptMercd with the itupor I unities of her as
piring mama, the village beauty had be
gun to Waver, when her old lover dclcr
mined on a lust and bold strike to foil his
rival. Ho went to the city and returned
Of bis bus-mei-h there he said nothing, not
even to a pumping tnaidun iunt who kept
house for linn, lie went not near the
L'oabody's but ho labored in hi-i o. rufiold,
patiently awaiting the result of hit uiack
inatious. The next ('ay, Mr Grisset was with the
old folks and their daughter in the bct
room of the I'uabody mansion, chatting aa
pleasantly as may bo when tho door open
ed and in rushed a very dirty and furious
Irish woman.
Is it there yo arc, Mislcr Cornelius !'
he screamed, addressing tho astoniihcd
Gusset. 'Come out of lint before I fetch
yo,yc spalpecu ', U that what yo prom
ised mo before the prasto, yc haythen na
gur ! lluniiiu' away from ma and the
children, forfakin' yer lawful wedded wifo
and runniti' nfier the Yankee gals, ye in
fidel !
'Woman, there mii-t bn fome mistake
hero,' stammered Gusset, takeu all aback
by this obargo.;
'Uevil a bit of a mietako yc .arpant. 0
wirral wirra! was it for tho like of yo I
backed little Diuuis MuOarty, who loved
the ground I throd on, and all bek:-so yo
promised to make a lady of mc, yo dirty
thief of the woiruld .' 'Will yo enmo along
to the railroad station, where I left little
Pjtriok, became he was too siok wid thu
amall pox to come any I'urdcr, or will yu
wait till I drag yo !'
'Go go uloug,' gasped Gussot J 'go
and I'll follow you.'
He thought it bust to tomporize.
'I give yo tm tuinitu,' virago. 'If yo
aint them, ite my cuzzin, Mr- Thaddy
Muloruddcry will bo after ye, yo thief 'f'
And away went this 'unbidden guest.
Mr. Gusict was yet engaged in statu
tnoting out a denial of all Knowledge of
thu virugo, when tho parlor door opened
again,and tho l'utlo oyed, hatchol faced wo
man, in i flashy bilk gown, and a cap
with many ribbons porohed on tho top of
bor hold, invaded tho sunotity of the par
lor.
BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA
'Ia ho horo V sho cried, in a decidod
Fronch accent. Then she added with a
scream, Ah, mon Dieu llo voila. Zero ho
is Traitro, monslar? Vat for you run
away from mo ? dis two trco yean I no
vairo sec you,navairo,and my hoart broke
vcr badly ontiroly.
1 Who are you V oricd Gusset, his eyes
starting out of bis head,and shivoring from
hoad to foot.
'He asked who I am. 0, ladies I 0,
you voo rcspcotablo old gcntlehoramo I
hero vat he ask I Who 1 am, perfide I oh I
I'm your wifo !'
I never saw you fore a help rue Dob !
cried Gussot energetically.
'Don't you ftwear T said Deaoon Pea.
body. 'Ef you do, I II kick you into fits,
by golly I I won't have no profane or
vulgur language in my house.'
'0, blcsi ynu! bless you ! respectable
old man. Tell him he must como viz mo.
Tell him I have spoke to zo oonstable,
Tell him ' sobs interrupted her utter
auco, 'It's a pesky bad bui-incssl' said tho
deacon, chafing unwnntud iro. 'Gusset,
your'e a rascal.'
'Tako care Deacon Pcaboddy, take
care,' said the unfortunate shop keeper'
'I remarked you was a raso.il, Gusset.
You'vo gone and manicd two wives, and
that ero's flat burglary .cf I know cnything
beout tho Revised Statonts.'
'Two wivos 1' shrieked the Frcnco wo
man. 'Halfdo.iu, for ought 1 know to the
contrary !' said tho deacon, 'Now you
clear out of my hou-o, go way to the sta
tinn, and clear out into I5?ton. I won't
hev nothing moro to do with you '
'But deaoon hear mo.'
'I dont want to hear ye, yc serpent !'
cried ihe deacon, stopping hia ears with
his hands' 'Marrin two wives, and coai
in oourtiu' a third. Go Ion"- ! Clear out!
Even Mrs. IVabody , who was inoliued
to put in a word for the culprit, was si
lenced. Susan tumid from him in hor
ror, and iu utter dispair be fled to the
railway station, hotly porsui'd by tho clam
orous and indignant French woman.
That same afternoon, as Mbs Su'-an
Peabody was walking towards tka vil
lage, she was overtaken by Mr. Jobua-
than Doubikios, dressed in his best, and
driving his fast going horse beforo his
.Sunday cj-to-moetinn chaise. lie reined'
up and acoostciled her.
'Hallo, Suke.' Get in and tako a ride?
'Don't keer if I do, Jouathan, grinuiii!.',
'that ere city fellar's turned out a pooty
pup, aint bo V
'It's dreadful, if its true,' replied the
young lady.
' ' You had a sarred cscaps didu't yu f
Dursued the old lover. 'Hut ho warn't
1
never of uovaecount, any how. What do
the old (of lis think about it ."
'They haimt baid a wordainccho olear-
cd out.'
Foruet that uij-ht 1 rodo vou home
from singing r-ohuol !' asked Jonathan
suddenly branching off.
No I buiiit, replied the young lady
blushing and smiliug at the same time.
Remember them apples I gin you I
O, yes.
Well they was gaod wasn't they.
First rate, Jonathan.
Got a hull orchard of them kinder fruit
Suke, said Jonathan, Fuggeetivcly.
Go long.' exclaimed Jonathan, putting
the braid ou tho black horsed Have you
any iden where wo'ro going, Suke !
I'm goiug to tho village.
No, you aint, your'ugoin' along ere mo,
Whore to
Providence. Aud you dont come back
till you re Mrs, DoubiUins, no now you
can fix it.
How vou talk, Jonathan. What will
tho old folks say I
Darn the old folks! cried Jonathan
nuttinc on tho string again. L'f I was to
leavo you with them much longet, they'd
bo trading you off to foiuo city feller with
half a dozun wives already.
The uext day as Mr. and Mrs. Doubi
kins were returning home in their chaise
Jonathan said, confidentially :
May as well tell you now, Suke, for
haint no seoiets from you, that Gusset
never seen them three women afore the
day they came stompin' into your house
and blowed him up. I had, thouMi. Cost
mo ton dollars, by thunder I teachod 'em
whot to say , and I rather guess they done
it well. Old Gusset may bo a sharp
bhopkeeper, but cf ho expects to get abend
of Jonathan Doubikins ho must get up
plague sight airlier o'mornings.'
E&y An unfortunate youg man is soaroh
ing everywhere for hi swoethoart, who
was recently ovtw way by her fee
ings.
COUNTY, PENN'A.,
What Young People Should
Know.
Tho best inheritance which paronts
can give their children is tho ability to
help and tako earo of thctnselvcf. This is.
hotter than a hundred thousand dollars
apiece. In any troublo or difficulty, they
httvo two oxcollent servants in ibo shapo
of two hands. Those who can do noth
ing, and havo to bo waited upon, are help
less and easily disheartened in tl.o misfor
tunos oflifo, Tboso who aro active and
hardly meet troubles with a cheerful face,
and easily surmount them. Let young
peoplo, therefore, learn to do as many
things as possible. Every boy should
know how, sooner or later
1. To dress himsolf, black his own
boots.out his brother's hair,wind a watch,
sew on a button, make a bed, and keep
tho clothes in order.
2. To harness a horse, grease a wagon,
and harness a team.
3 To carve and wait on a table.
4. To milk tho cow .shear the sho''p,and
dross a veal of mutton.
5. To reckon money and keep aocounts
coricctly, and according to good book-
eeping rules.
0. To write a neat an 1 appropriatc.br iof-
ly-exprcsscd business lctter,in a good handi
fold and subscribe it properly, and writo
contracts.
7. To plough, sow grain aud grass,
drive a mowing mrchine.build a neat stack
and pitoh hay.
8. To put up a package, build a fire,
mend broken tools, whitewash a wall and
regulate a clock.
Every girl should know how
1. To sew and knit.
2 To mend clothes neatly.
3. To make beds.
4. To dress her own hair.
5. To waih the dii-hes and sweep tho
carpets.
G,i To make good bread aud pel form all
plain cooking.
7. To keep her rooms, drawers, aud
closets iu order.
8. -To work a sewing machine.
9. To make good butter and cheese.
10. To make a dress and children's
clot IlitlLT.
11. To kosp accounts and calculato iu
terest.
12. To write, fold, and superscribe let
ten properly.
13. To nurse tho sick efficiently, and
uot faint at the sight of a drop of blood.
14. To bo ready to render efficient aid
and comfort to those in trouble, and in an
unostcntaticus way.
15. To receive and entertain visitors,
in the absenco or sickness of her mother.
A young lady who can do all these
things well, aud who is always ready to
reudcr aid to tho afflicted, and miiigatp
tho. perplexities of thoso around her, will
bring more comtort to others and nappi
ness to herself, and he more esteemed
than il sho only knew liow to dance, situ
per, sing, and on tho piano.
Home Monthly.
t
85a? The following Story is told by one
who says he was'an oyc -witness to tho af
fair :
Just beforo the capture of Savannah
Gen. Logan with two or three of bis staff
entered tho depot at Chicago, one Quo
morning, to tako tho cars east, on his way
to reioiu his command. The General bo
ing a short distance iu advance ol the oth
crs, stepped upon tuo plattorm ot a car,
about to enter it, but was stopped hy an
Irishman with :
"Yee'll not bo goin' in there."
"Why not, sir!" aked the General.'
"Bccasc thims a leddies carer, and no
gintlomatt Ml be goin' iu there widout a
ltddy. Thoro a wan sate tn that carer
over there, of yees want it," at the same
timo pointing to it.
'"Yes," replied the General, "I seo there
is one seat, but what shall I do with my
staff.
"Oh! bother your staff!" was tho
petulant reply. "Go you and tako tho
state, and stick yer staff out of tho win
dy." CF" A young lady of California recent
ly broko her neck whilo resisting an at
lompt of a young man to kiss her. This
furnishes a foarful warning to young la
dies,
BSy A young man advortisca for a situ
ation as son-in-law in a rejpcctablu family.
Would havo no objection , ho says, to go a
short ilistanoo into the oountry.
j- What is the difference betweou a
druramor-boy and a pound of moat ? Aits.
One weighs a pound , and thn other pounds
away.
SATURDAY, AUGUST 5, 1865.
Embalming a Live Man.
A miraculous cscapo from the horrors
of actually being buried alivo has just ta
ken placo in Now Orleans. A person by
the name of Martin was supposed to havo
died Irotn diecaso of the heart, and toov
cry outward appcaranco was doad' The
attending physicinl had given his certifi
cate of burial, oortifying to tho cause of
death, and tho supposed corpse had been
prepared shrouded in tbo habilimonts ol
diath and cnooffined. Near and dear ones
had hcd tears over the loss of one whom
they supposed dead, and whose. body they
hud carefully prepared for the silent pre
cincts of tho tomb, when tho fortunate
thought suggested itself that tho body
should be embalmed. The nceocsary ttcps
wero taken, tho coffin carefully closed up,
and tho body sent to tho embalming es
tablishment. Here tho process of embalm
ing was in due tune entered upon. It ap
pears that iu the process which preserves
the body from immediate decomposition,
the preserving quality is infused into the
main artery of the arm. Tho incision
with a lancet is in the same manner as in
the caso of blood-letting. Tho cinbalmer
had commenced his work by making the
necessary incipion, and to his surprise he
discovered blood feebly oozing from the
vein. He knew thcro mu-t bo life whero
blood would flow, and desisted from his
Work of embalming. In a few minutes
more there was a slight motion of his
body, and presently tho man in the coffin
made an effort to rsiro himself, and, with
assistance, did rise up aud speak. Gentle
restoratives were administered, and he
desired to know how it'was that bo found
himself in a coffin clothed with a shroud.
His friends, to their utter joy, wero ad
vised of what had taken place, and he was
sent to tho hospital instead of tho gravo,
wheic he is in a fair way of recoverihg
This is, indeed, a miraculous ccape from
the clutches of death.
S3f A Republican contemporary com
plaius that already "the popular enthusi
asm in relation to Air. Lincoln s name
seems dead." It never had any healthy
lifo. It was all bunoomb. It was only
partisan, and got up to bolster a political
dogma. Persiu, in his fifty Saluc, says
that "applouse unmerited will bring dis
daiu." Nothing moro sure. Beyond the
natural sympathy for a man brutally as
saseiuatcd, Mr. Lincoln's namo has no
hold unonjho popular heart His fame
and name can never be more than parti
zan. The effort to givo him an altitude
that does not justly belong to him, will
only result in setting him below his rcul
merits. Ho was an indefaiigablo Aboli
tionist, an excellent story teller, and a
merry joker. Weighed intellectually aud
morrally,ho was no more. He was bru
.tally assassinated ; but never did an as
i.sasiiu's baud deal a inoro foolish blow.
Old Guard.
We heard a good retort in tho cars the
other day, from a tipsy Sootoh laborer,
who had oarricd in his hands a bottlo of
'fire waiter,' witl which to keep himself
warm anil nioiat. A fellow traveller wi.-h-iii
to poke a little fun at him, asked him
what he had got iu his bottle.
'Small bear,' was the reply.
'Well,' said tho other 'if it's small beer,
I'll share it with you.'
'No,' answered Sawney, 'it's too small
for two!'
The laugh was on tho man in the good
clothes, who retired to his seat, scorched,
but not killed.'
Scarce AuTicr,us. A person who
practiocs nil he professes :
A beauty who never feels proud when
shu dresses ,
A luwyer whose honesty pleads foa his
client ;
A braggart whoso courage is always
defiant ;
A sensible dandy, an ancient friend;
Philysophy publishing money to lend;
A skillful physiftan regardless of solf ;
A staunch politician forgetful of pelf ;
A sour old baohclor neatly arrayed ;
A las, though not rarest, a cheerful old
maid.
HSf O'Larey, gazing with astonish
mcut at an elephant iu a tncnagric, asked
the keeper "what kind of a baste is that
aitin' hay wid his tail I"
gy An Ohio editor recently took a co
temporary to task for copying ohoico
soraps from his editorial col urns and not
giving credit for them. The ootempora
ry replied by saying ho did not do aorod
it business.
t& Jones is a strong believer iu guar
diau angels. "If it were not-for them,"
ho asks, "what wou'd keop peoplo from
rolling out ol bed when they ate last
aleop f '
A Girl that Would be Married
and Why
Mr. Watts had by industry and econo
my accumulated a largo proporty. He
was a man of rather superior inidd and
acquirements) but unfortunately became
addicted to habits of intonfperanoo. Nat
urally fond of company, and possessing
superior conversational powers, bis com
pany was much sought and he bcoamo
cventfully a sot. His wife was a feeble
woman, withont much decision of char
acter : but an only child was the reverse
illustrating one of those singular laws of
nature, that tho females oftenest tako af
ter the father in charactor and personal
peculiarities, and the males after the
mother.
Mary was well aware of the conso-
quenecs that would inevitably follow her
father's courso, and had used every exer
tion of pcrmasion and reason in her pow
er, to lntiuec mm to alter ins habits, but
without arail : his resolutions and nrotui
ses could not withstand temptation, and
he pursued his own downward course,
till the poor girl despaired of reform, and
grievou.-ly realized what the end must re-
ult in.
John Dunn was a young man from the
Dust, possed ot a good education, as all
our New England boys aro, and their in
domitable industry and perseverance, and
was working on the farm of a neighbor
by the month.
Mary on going on sorao orraand to tho
next house, met him on thu road with tbo
usual salutation "Good morning, Mr.
Dunn."
"Good morning, Miss Watts. How is
your health ?"
"Well, I thank you, but to toll tho
trnth, sick at heart."'
'Pray what is tho troublo ?" said John,
"What can effect you, a cheorful, lively
girl liko you, possessing everything that
can make you happy ?"
"On tho contrary to make rao misera
ble. I am almost woary of life. But it
is a subject I cannot explain to you ; and
yet I have sometimes thought I might."
"Anything that I can do for you, Miss
Watts, you may freely command."
"That is promising moro than you
would bo willing to perforin. But to
break the ice at onoo, do you wan a wife?"
'A wifo ! Well, I don't know. Do
you want a husband 1"
"Indeed I do, the worst way. I don't
know but what you may think me bold,
and deficient in that maidenly modesty
becoming a woman, but if you know my
situation, and tho afflictions under which
I suffer, I think it would bo some excuse
for my courso."
"Have you (bought ot the conse
quences ?" said John "my situation I
am poor you are rich I am a stranger
-and"
"Indeed I have, I am almost crazy,-
Let mo explain you and every one else
know tho unfortunate situation ot my
father. His habits aro fixed beyond
amendment, and his proporty is wasting
liko the dews beyond the sun. A lot of
harpies aro drinking his very heart's
blood, anil ruin and misery aro staring
us in tho face. We are almost strangers
it is true ; but I observed you closely
Your habits, your industry and tho care
and prudcuco with which you have man
aged your employer's business, has al
ways interested me
"And yet, my dear young lady, what
can you know of mo to warrant in taking
Buoh an important step 1"
"It is enough for mo that I am satisfied
with your character and habits your per
Bon and manners. I am n woman and
have oyos. Wo arc about the same age ;
so, if you know mo and liko me welt
enough to take mo, thcro is my hand 1"
"And, my dear Mary, thcro s mine I
with all my heart in it, Now, when do
you desire it to be settled ?"
"Now, this minute; givo mo your arm
and we will co to snuiro Denton's aud
havo tho bargain finished at once, I don't
want to enter our houso of distress again
uulil I havo one on whom I can rely, to
control aud direct the affairs of my dis
consolate homo, aud to support mo in my
determination to turn oyer a now leaf ia
our domestic affairs"
"Hut uot in this old hat, and in my
sh'ut sleeves, Mary ?''
i'Yos and I in my old sun bonuet
and dirty apron. If you aro contont lot
it bo done at onco. I hope you will think
I am nut so hard pushed as that comes to;
but I want a master. I am willing to be
mistress. 1 will then take you homo and
introduce you as my own doar husband
signed, cealod and delivered."
'So bo it permit mc to say, that I
have always admired you from the GtQl
VOLUME 29.-
minuto I saw you, for your beauty and
pnergy, and industry, and omiablo de
portment." "Now John, if that ia sincere, that is
the happiest moment of my life, and trust
our union will bo long and happy, I am
the only one my father hears to ; hut alas I
his resolutions aro liko ropes of sand. I
can manage him on all other subjects: you
, must tako uhargo of his business, and
Hare solo control ; there will bo no diffi
oully I am confident of tho result."
They wero marriod, and a more happy
match ncvor was consummated. Every
thing prospered j houses and barns wero
rcpairod, fences and gates woro regulatod
and the cxtensivo Golds smiled and flour
ished liko an Eden. Tho unfortunate
father in a few years sank into a drunk"
ard's grave. Mary and John raised a
largo family, and they still live respoetcd
and wealthy all from an energetic girl's
resolution, forethought, and cotlrago.
Bc Your n Right Hand Mam
People who havo been boistcrcd up and
levered all their livos aro seldom good
for anything in a crisis. When misfor
tune comes, they look around for some
thing to cling to or lean upon. If tho
prop is not there, down they go.
Once down, they aro as helpless as
capsized turtles or unhorsed men iu ar
mor, and cannot find their feet again
without assistance.
Such silken fellows nd more rosemblo
self-made men, who havo fought their way
to position, making difficulties their stop
ping stones, and deriving determination
from defeat, than vines resemble oaks, or
spluttering rushlings the stars of hoayoa.
Efforts persisted into ai'.liievottienis train
a man to self reliance, and when ho has
proved to thceworld that he can trust him
self, tho world will trus; him.
We say, therefore, that it ia unwine to
deprive young men of tho advantages
which result from their onorgotio aotion,
by "boasting" them over obstaoles which
they ought to surmount alono.
DitEAMs. Thero is a new guide to tho
interpretation of dreams. An English
paper thus puts it s
To dream of a millstone round your
neck is a sign of what you may expeot if
you get an extravagant wife.
lo sec apples in a dream betokens a
wedding, because whero you find appleo
you may reasonably expect to find pears.
To dream that you are lamo is a token
that you will get into a hnbblo.
When a young lady drcama of a coffin,
it betokens that sho should instantly dis
continue lacing her stays tightly, and al
ways go warmly audthickly shod in wet
weather.
To dream that jour nose is red at the
tip is an intimation that you had bettor
have off brandy and water.
JES?" Small boy, on tip-toe, to his com
panions 'Sh stop your noise,all of you.'
Companions 'Hello 1 Tommy what
is the inattor-J"
Small hoy 'W've got a new baby it's
very weak aud tired walked all tho way
from heaven last night musn't bo kick
ing up a row round hero now.'
665 The Now York Independent has
tho following from a mother :
"But did I tell you what a time I had
with my -little Joe 1"
"No, what was it?"
"Why I was showing him tho martyrs
thrown to tha lions, and was talking very
solemtily to him trying to make him feel
what a terrible thing it was,"
"Ma " said he, all at onoe, "Oh ma!
just look at that poor Hon, way behind
there, he wont get any '."
A Jew broker was standing ou nn
oil tub at an auction held tho other day at
Brlnginghain, England, when, in tho ex
eitcmcnt of "going, going, gone !" he
stamped the staves loose aud disappeared
iu tho oll.J
fiS Ono of tho Wcetern editors spoak
ing of a largo and fat cotcnjpoiary, re
marked that if all flesh was grass, ho must
be a load of hay. "I expect I am," said
the fat mau, "from tho way tho asses aro
nibbling at me,"
CG?" A Spinistor, no boauty, nor young,
nor good tomporcd, applied to :t magis
trate for advice as to how she could got
lid of troublesome suitor.
"Oh marry him, marry him !" was tho
advioo.
"I'd seo him hanged first !" said aho.
"Exactly!" said tho magistrate ; "you
marry him, as I advise, and tho odds ara
it will not be long before ho liangi hiin-
i self