Newspaper Page Text
AND BLOOMSBURG GENERAL ADVERTISER.
DEVI L. TATE, EDITOR
"TO HOLD AND TRIM TUB TORCH 01? TRUTH AND WAVE IT O'ER THE DARKENED EARTH."
TEKMSs $2 00 PER ANNUM-
VOL. 18. NO, 4.
BLOOMSBURG, COUMBIA COUNTY, PENN'A,, SATURDAY, MARCH 26, 1SG4.
Written for ttie Philadelphia IS'Jnday Mercury.
Alaa ! And Did My Soldier3 Bleed.
,lTa bt Sung by all U, S. Chaplains.
'- ti or nova i.
! Aim t and did my aoldlera blea J.
And ill J my conicrlpti die
Woulil darklea riakthair woolly buda
mm, Vt Uch 3 1 '
Wii itforerlm:) thai tha dona
j To att the "nig-sr." free I
Anmlng pity, crlinci unknown,
Uli, whither shall 1 Ilea I
Well may the aun In datkneaa hide,
And shut his glnrlea In I
01 Pdrthousanda of my brarca ha-n died.
And t mutt bear the aln.
Wnara ahall t hide my bluihing fue.
While phliitom forim nppear I
I'd forfeit all uiy kindred racn
To keep my oncl;nco claar.
Hut tiara of grief can no'er fpay
Tha drsbt nf death I mvo ;
Her.1. "Dirki," 1 give you all owiy.
Tia all that I can do.
Advcnturca of a Bashful Man.
Harry Oord'in Singleton made his debut
'into the world on Friday. We deemed tbit
jisct worth chroniciiig,siuce it nat an even'
of some importation to our hero, end be
came wo hops to show unbelievers that the
old irnw about the un'uckinesa of Friday is
correct. From hit very birth, Harry was
tigmatii'sd. Ho wiu au exceedingly prct
y babo,, fair cotnplcxiou,bluo eyed, brown
'haired, plump and roy ; but bo wai en
,dowo with o hctitago far worse than a
, humpback, a club foot, or a squint eyo
? Lh was bashful 1 When the ladies came
to look t him in his cradle, and to call
. P him "little bi'iiuty tlio express imago of
his pa," tho hitle 'v. ecl' wculd invaribly
put hit fit fiasi into hi 4 mouth and hide
jhis interesting face in his pillow.
Mrs. Singleton h fuir faced, handsome
j woman regretted very greatly thia unfor.
tunate trail in tbo temperament of her be
; loved firai borne, and used every eudeav
ior to break him of it but without succjes,
r.nd Harry grw up to youth the most bash
Jful and retiring of human beings. Ho was
uliio, singularly unlucky. No child over
ncmcd so many thumps and bump siucc
the f.tll of Acb in ; hit forehead vras a pop.
'ulous arcliaepelago of blue, yellow and
black bruise, in various ttages of color
When tbero was company at the house,
T Harry generally retired to mi unocupied
room in tho nttio, whrre,having ensconced
him.-elf in tho bed which stood there, he
passsd the'day reading some old novel or
book of history , picked out of tho great
rchost in tho garret used fur the repository
of rubbish ; or, by way variation, ho some
times took refugo iu the barn, and snugly
.bidden on the hay mow, r.pcut tho time in
filciit meditation on bin uuforttinato (lest
iuy. He would walk a milo around through
the Gelds to avoid meeting a young lady i
, and when in the street if he licard the
ajurui of wheels h would leap over the
wall or I'fiicfi and lie prone on the ground
until the vehicle has passed by.
As he grew oldor, bo lot none of hia
peculiarities, and before ho was sixteen
years of go, bis mother's chief difficulty
was tbo fear that ho would livo an old
( bachelor. Hundreds of t-ilvcr dollars could
not have induced him to speak to a girl of
his age, and bis father was .obliged to
forego hia purpose of teuding him to tho
' Whitestone Academy, and have him ed
ucated at tbo boy's school.
; Hut notwithstanding Harry's excessive
basbfulncss, lie grew up to be a fino fellow,
brave, generous and handsome, and there
was not a girl In town but would have felt
herself honored by h'n presence. Harry
however, stood aloof from all tho fetnule
( ees, and as a naturul eunsoquoneo, ho was
the snl ject of unmberldss practical jokes,
and the hapless accasiou of continual gig
ling among the gay girls at tho singing
if Wh n Harry was ninotean, Rosalia
Wators oamo to Whitestown to past tome
7timo with her aunt, Mrs. Judgo Flanders
;Ilosalio was a pretty, brigbteyod, mischie
voui fairy of seventeen, and if tho truth
siust bo confessed, sho took quito a liking
. .!'.to Harry Singleton ; but of courso sho was
too much of & coquetto to allow Harry to
.guess it. Ho, on his part, thought himself
dead in love, though ho dared not raiso
;liis oyes to tbo peerless faeo of hia guiding
elar.. For wholo days ho racked his braint
planning how he should addroas her, but
without deciding upon anything doDuito.
Ono night at a singing school a bold idea
flnlied scron hit brain ; its rry bold
ncas tnado it seem pructicablu. Ho would 1
offer to escort Kosalio homo 1
It was an audacious act, and Harry
trembled in every limb ut tho thought ot
it ; a cold perspiration started out of every
pore j his hair nearly stood erect, and his
faco flushed hot as the bosom of Vesuvius.
Ho attempted to sing, but his Cue tenor
voico broke down ; ho coughed, hemmed,
flourished his haukcrohiof, aud was at last
oblighcd (o sit down in dispair.
Tho exercises of the eveuiug closed.
Harry seized his hat aud rushed to tho en
try, where ho took his station in full view
ol tbo door through which Rosalie would
emerge. Her crimson hood appeared in
tho doorway, and his teeth chattered inh's
head, but his resolution waa uushakeu.
Ho made a sortie in her direction, knock
ing over little James Drown tho barbel'
and tearfully mutilating the new calash of
Miia Winn, the miliner, in the act; but
theso were minor affairs, and not worthy
of hit notice. lie touched tho eboldor of
"May I may go home with you to
night this oveniuj; I" stammered he.
She nut her little hand within his arm
antl tbisy went out together iuto the star
light, ilnrry seemed to tread on air.
Thi world was this world no longer, but
the charmed paradise ol impossibility, and
bo uareil not speak lest he
The little lady too Wis straugcly silent
and t ho entiro distance to the houso of
Judgo Flaudcrs was passed without a word.
At tho door Harry would have bidden his
companion irood nicht. but she retained hit
hand aud drew him into tho parlor ; aud
ihere tho light of the oliandclier fell full on
the face of the laughing woman, and with
drcd dismay Harry siy that not Hosalic,
but Mrs. .Tndirn Khmilirs lini-sclf slnml tn.
fore him. lie had waited ou tho aunt and
uot the nuce. Uttering an exclamation,
he was about to retire, but Mrs. Fluudori '
good butnoredly detained him.
"0 don't go," she said kind'y, you. re
ally did bravely. I am proud of you ; I
knew from the first that you had mado a
mistake, but wasfeati'ull jou would never
try again if I deniad your escort. Kosalio
will be in soon j wait for her." )
'Indecn, ma'am I should bo happy !
to not to in fact ma'am, I bolievc I am
wanted to homo."
Starting for tho door backwards, instead
of ohoosiuir that by which ho had entered,
he bolted out iuto the dark kitchen aud
seiz the handle of the first door that off-
ered. Mrs. Panders was following olose, 1
but before she could utter a single word
hit "goad uight"was succeeded immediately
by a ssriss of thumps aud rumblings in tho
direction of the cellar.
Tho truth burst upon her at oneo, that ''
ho had taken the cellar door and fallen '
She seized a Mailt and flew
.1 .1 nil ,. , . ... ,.
head in a trough of ashes and his feet un
romantically elevated over tho shelf of a
ncighboringing cubbuard. Ho was con
siderably bruised and stuunod but nut oih
erwiso injury. Mrs. Flandura would havo
raised him up but he anticipated her, aud
without.stoppiug to shake hiin.tclf, bound
ed up stairs and made a divo for the outer
door, tho ashc3 streaming out behiud him
like a cluwd of gray suioko.
Tho door was opened from without, and
Kosalio herjelf appoared. At tight of tho
hatlesj, 8uiokiug Harry, she uttered aloud
shriek and fell fainting to tho floor, while
our hero dashed over hor poatrate form und
took tho track for home at a speed une
qualled in the anuuals of foot races.
Breathless and used up generally, the
young man reaciicu iiome, crawled in at a
black window and retired to his bed, which
ho kept for three days afterwards.
In spite of all apologies and flattering
courtesies from Mrs. Flanders in spite of
gentle, affectionate advances from Rosalie
herself, Harry Singleton could never bo
tempted to step inside tho mansion of the
judge ; and Rosalio, after waiting two years
for Harry to niako himsolf agreeable to hor,
gavo up tho vain hops and became the
ifts of a substantial widow with four chil
dren, whick was quite u good begiuniuf .
Harry went on hU way alono, as his
mother had feared and prophesied, ami
exemplary little woman set about learning
him to repair ptoekiugs and roplaco bot
toms with commendable patience, ho hud
studied for tho law, had been two years
admitted to tho bar, uud was a talauted
aud rising young man. Heing also wealthy
and handsome, half tho ladies in the vil
lago were iu lovo with him, but ho gavo
them a wido berth and passed them by,
Mr. Singleton dabbled somewhat in poli
tics, and at tho early ago of thirty, he wai
elected Mcmbor of Congress. In eclobra-1
tion oi this ovent a grand stippsr in his
honor was givun at tho Whitestown Hotel.
Of course, the successful candidate must bo
prosontcd,and cutiquctto demanded that ho
should bring a lady with him. Tho com
mitco of arrangements waitod upon him to
inform him of this fact, and it may well
believed the communication filled him with
horror. Ho begged of tho gentlemen to
provide bim u partner if ho must have one
stipulating ouly that tho lady should not
bo a young lady. Iu duo courso of time
be was informed that ho was to attend
Mrs. Grubbina, tho widow of the late Dr.
Timothy Grubbins, tbo wealthiest as well
as the tallest aud fatcst woman in the
Tho eventful cvcuiiiir arrived. Mr.
Singleton took Mrs. Grubbins to tbo hotel
in a chaise. Tho lady was magnificently
attired iu a double-skit tin! tarlcton, with
ribbons, feathers and fearfully extended
Poor fellow I The thought of csoorting
that giantess into a room .lied with people
mado him sweat like one under the infl.it-
enco of a powerful dose of ipecachuaua.
But ho was iu for it aud must get out tho
best way he could. Mrs. Grubbins, proud
anil triumphant, preceded him, bjcaking
.the passage, and compelling lesser people
to yield the ground. Just as sho arrived
on th llirciihold of tho banqueting hall,
she dropped her fail ; aud ju.-.t at that mo
ment tbo audience precciviug him in tho
background, proposed ''three cheers fur
Hon. Mr. Singleton."
Stooping to reclaim the fan, when the , lee Singleton made hit cseajie. No gras
enthusiastic multitude looked for their grew beneath his loot ss he fpud for homo
champion he wits nowhere visible. Cries but tho night being dark, and hu bciii
rati round tho room loud und vehement: dark, cud he being i-lightly fluttered, he
''Mr. Singleton ! Mr. Singleton I whuru is unfortunately mistook tho house, and en
Mr. Singleton?" and directly Mr. Single- tcred, not his owu residence, but that of a
tou lookmS vcr hot aml ver muu!l co" -
fused, appeared from under the upper skirt
of Mr.t. Grulibint' dress that lady having Singleton, without pausing for a light,
completely submerged the honorable gen- rushed up stairs and into his owu chamber
tlemen in tho fold.i of liar drapery. Gen-! a.t he thought, whero breathless and er
tlcmcn smiled in their sleeves, and ladies hauatcd he flung himself upon the bed.
giggled behiud thair handkerchief. Mrs. I Mary had retired some time prevout
Grubbins looked moro regal than evor,and tid tho sudden advent of Mr. Singleton
Mr. Siiu'leton leaned turainst a pillar for
The announcement of dinner was a
great relief. Judge Flauders presided ;
Mr. Grubbins occupied the seat at Single -
ton's riirht : Miss Flambeaus sat at his
left, and Lucy Deane,tho village belle was
Our hero's position was exceedingly
embarrassing to one of his peculiar tern-1
perameut, durinu not to rofuso anything I n'Pllfalion was ruined sho said.nnd Singlo
ihat wjs offered him, lot sotno one should 1 ,on muit eithc'r 6etll or lnay "cr! A
look at him, and tho eonscoueuce was his j <? olJarill was given freely ; mending
plate literally groaued beneath itt weight i tllB brokcm character aud learned Sitigle
cifcdibkN. Tomato sauce-his especial toa nevcr to 8 t0 1)8(1 1,1 tha dark.
horror, passed around ) a preservo plate-
full tcna iitlntml tn dim. fi-mn wiiinll lin nt
. . i n , . . i . i r .
tpmntpil tn Qienlln hut it nnli- fltitnl.- fn.t ill
1 f , -...j
his throat ; it choaked and sickened him,
and set him to coughing violently.
'You havo taken a savere cold I pre
sume" remarked Mist Flambeaux.
''Yes madam, thank you, I have," re
turned Singlotou, trembling on the verge
" Why don't you cat your tomatoos?"
querricd Mrs. Grubbins. '-My poor dwad
and e.one Daniel used to say there wa3
nothing in the whole vegetable umpire
equal to tomatoos."
"No donbt, madam,thoy aro very fine;"
and Singleton essayed a second spoonl'ull.
The second doso had well nigh been too
much for him. uud with dosperato resolvo
ha watched until tho whole company wero
eugaged iu drinking a tost, wheu bo tilted
the prencrvu dish and let its contents run
into tho napkin, which receptacle he whiffed
into his pocket without delay, aud imme
diately felt easier, A moment after Judgo
Flander proposed a sentiment :
May ho always retain tho title ol "lion
oracle," but may ho soon retign his sent
to be called single. It is not good for man
to bo alouo."
The sentiment was drank with applau"0
Singleton, bluihiug red at tho iusiuuatiou
convoyed by tho words of Judjjo, tbrut
his haudiu hit pocket for his handker
chief, wheu instead out cuuiu napkin,toiua
to uud all. Mopping hit forehead vigor
ously with it, aud tho luscious vegetable
formed an unctuous poultico thereon com
pletely traiicfigoring his countenance.
Blinded with the juice, and half dead with
mortification, ho thrust the napkin back
into bis pookee and secured tho handker
chief, whilo tbo astonished company be
hold him in silent amazement.
"Docs your noso bleed, air I" inquired
Mrs, Grabbles, quite audibly.
"What tho Goodness i tha matter?"
riatatd Jtida KUudtri,
"Ahem I only a slight oold, thank-you
sir, stammered Air. Singleton.
"A cowld u itl iaitb iiow,an' yer hon
or's uoso must be after turning itsolf in
out thin !'' exclaimed Mr. O'Toole, the
J.ucy Dean was laughing ; Flambeaux
was horrified : Mrs. Grubbins looked
shocked ; our friend Singleton was uoarly
suffocatimr with shame. Lamine back in
i.io i.s. i i. -.i
as he could ppoak begged to bo excused a
moment as ho did nut Icel quito well. Aud
forthwith he nrojo and mado for the door ; , Uurc? wrot0 constantly to ma who, ami
but horrorofborroral.-hobadsetonthocncloscd frcflGU' im of "ot9J
pocket containing the nankin of tomato doll,y tho correspondence coated, and Mrs.
and his white naniiilooRs were drinninc red
with tho sanguinary vogotablo I
A simultaneous shriek burst from all .is
Bcmblcd. "Good Gracious,Mr. Singleton is woun
ded ! Murder 1 Murder ! Call a physician !
Scizo the murderer I Send for Dr. Spill
power ! Quick he'll bleed to death ! Mur
der ! Murder I
The infuriated audience rushed hither
and thither, and some ono encountering
John, tho waiter, with a carving knifo iu
his baud, tool: him for tho perpetrator of
the crime and seized upon him without de
lay. John struggled and nworo, aud laid
iibuuthiin with right good will, but he
was overpowered by numbers and at last
obliged lo yield, There was a regular
fight, and black eyct, and swelled noses,
added largely to the beauty of scene. Tho
ladies fi'jd to tho ante-toom, Judge FIjii-
ders rau for a surgeon,and during tbo nic-
' i"eCt l,i,lfcter u:"no'1 Mar Villis-
, Hie nouses were somewhat similar, and
"roused her from r. sound slumber
Spriuging from tho bed, regardless of the
fact that her teeth were out aud her "nat-
l!t-1 .1 . .
unu curl" "PM"g " oureau-urawer
! suu uuu 10 11,0 ".ousl- Jr nearo ueigu-
i . i
securing assistance returned to
nioet the horrified Singleton just emerging
from the door.
Poor Singleton tried to explain, but
Miss Willis would listen to nothing : her
lhc !,lrj,r at tbo Whitestown Hotel was
a raiuer serious one. i no orator U Toolo
hod his noso broken; Dr Spillpowder
broko his horse's wind to get there before
ho should bleed to death ; John,the waitor
broke tho heads of half a dozen gentleman
who assisted in his capture ; and Judgo
Flanders broko all the buttons off his
waistbauds running after tho surgeon and
and shouting murder.
Mr. Singletou is yet unmarried, as Cue
a fellow as you could wish; and if you
want to see blushing, just mention torn: to
sauce to Liui,
A Whole Family in Heaven.
The following boautiful passage is from
the pen of llov. Albert Barnes-: "A whole
family iu Heaven who can describe their
ovcrhsting joy I No ono is absent. No
father, nor son, nor daughter is a away.
In tho world below asceud togothor. Be
foro the throne they bow together in uni
ted adoration. On tho bank of tho river
of lifo they walk hand in baud ;
and 93 a
family they have commenced a career of
glory which shall bo everlasting. Thoro j ot aud and thequestion was at onoo
is hcrcaftor to be no separation of that 1 raised, ' What further proceedings could
family. No ono is to lio down on a bed of to had in that Court I" Tho wifo, who
pain. No one is to wander away into teni-1 liko Niobe, nil iu tears, was called up and
ptatiou. No oue to sink iuto the arms of a5ke(l tllQ Court if either of theso men
death. Never iu Iloaren ia that family to was her husband ? Sho replied that che
move along iu a Mow procession, clad in had becn married to both, but having
tho habiliments of woo, to consign ono ol learned that hor first husband was doad,
its members to tho tomb. God grant that 8'"' formed an attachment for Reibo three
in His infinite mercy every family my bo J'09" afterwards and married him. After
thus united." i asuriiijj iho Court of her deeply acatd
, , ' attaehment alwiiyu for Carey, and now
icaTAweo littlo girl in this city besought her warm affection for Reibo, who had
hor mother, as sho was going out shopping heen to her an affectionate and devted hus
tbe other day, to bring her homo a baby. ( band, the Court inquired of her, viz :
Tho indulgent parent selected a pretty ' "What do you now propose to do j live
doll, and on her return made the prcseuta- ! with your first husband, who is legally
tioa, expecting to seo her daughter great fl,,ch' or J'our lttit buiband, who by mis
ly pleased with it. But tbo precious child "Pprenltenslon, and unintentionally, you
oould hardly keep tho tears from her oyca ba,v" mIad8 jour huiband ?"
win t that I wnt a mot bsby ?" I jp,dwrd Caray."
liomance in Hear Life.
On Tuesday, in tho I'olico Court,
singular occurrcnca in real lifo took placs,
which, in this city, at least has seldom
transpired. The facts aro these : About
'. 0 'car3 3(5 a mi,n Damcd ward Gary
t lcft an nffcotionnto nod bountiful wife and
threo interestiiiL' childrcu, to seek o
tuuo iu tho uiiuos of California. For ono
year after his arrival in the gold country,
! Carey received u money, was oonipelled
to adopt other means to obtain a livelihood
for herself and littla ones. Iu a few weeks
thereafter Mr.Caruy received information
that her husband had been killed in the
mines, which was corroborted by a sub
scquet lettor received from California
For three years she lived, as she suppos
ed she was, a widow, and rcaeivin; the
attentions of an Italian named Josopb
Reibo, who suocikd in gaining her affect
ions, she consented lo marriage and u
year ago tho two wero legally united in
tho bunds of wedlock, aud have ever since
lived quito happily together. On Sunday
last, as the church bells wero summoning
to the bouso of God tho worshippers of the
truo Being, Edward Carey who bad ur
rived direct from California by the morn
ing train, was making inquiries iu the
neighbourhood (in whioh his family resid
ed wheu he loft Cincinnati,) for bis wife
arid children. His neighbors and friends
-tood :imaz',d and trembled upon behold
ing tho man whom they had long
since beliovod to be bead. Upon being
as'ured that it was Carey, who was not
dead but living', bo was astounded with
tho iuteligetioo Jihat his wife, who had
also believed that he had "gone lo that
bourno whence ho traveller returns," was
again married to another man, with whom
sho was now living in dotnestio felicity.
Ascertaining the resideneo of Mr", and
Mrs. Reibe, tho afflicted husband haatoned
to ascertain whether what he had heard
was truo of false. Knocking at the door,
a tall Italian, measuring six feet ono and
one-half inches, camo to the door. Caroy
"Does Mrs. Keibe live here J"
ltaliau "Sho does will you walk in?''
Carey "Yes sir; will you pleas tell
her that a gentleniau desires to see her?"
The Italian consented, and on going to
tho door leading into the dining room,
culled bis wife by her first name. She
auswered, and, all full of smiles came run
ning down iuto the parlor. Upon seeing
her husband, who rose from bis seat to
meet her, she screamed out "My God.
Gary 1" aul fell fainting to the floor,
when Carey informed Reibo that ho was
Edward Caroy, the lady's lawful husband,
licibc also claimed her as his wife, aud
added, "1 shall never give her up." Be
fore the wife had full recovered from her
hiDting attack two husbands had becomo
engaged iu angry, violent words, resulting
ii Carry drawing a pistol on Reibe, and
by tho latter being forcibly ejected frctn
his house. Reibe, on Mouday morning,
had a warrcttt sworn out in the Police
Court, charging Carey with disorderly
conduot and provoking him to commit a
breach of peaoe. Carey wat arrested,
and orraigncd before Judge Warren, in
the presence of Reibe and the wife ho as
ked the Court to hear an explanation be
fore ho euterud hia plea. Judgo Warren
cousonted, and Carey dated that ho and
Rcibeboth claimed the lady (pciuting to
Mrs. Carey Rfibe) as wifo, and he believ
ed himself to bo the legal claimant, had
beconio disordely in demanding of Rcide
that he ehould givo her up. Reibo. through
tho Prosecuting Attorney, Mr. Staub, ex
hibited to tbo Court tho rnarriago ccrtifi-
The scene which followed oaa never b
doscribed. Carey and his wifo approach
ed caoh other and wept aloud, whilo tho
disappointed Italian, seated in his chair
n statue, presented a picture of dnjpair
and disappointment. Presently his feci
ngs were overcome, and ha grievously
wept, clisiting tho sympathy ol all. Carey
and hia wife, arm in arm, loft tha Court
house, and Reibe, after receiving kindly
admonition from tho Court that ho must
bo resigned, mid pursue tbo matter no
further, left tho presence of tho Court
deeply chagrined and terribly mortiGod at
tho ft to whioh had befallen him. Carey
and his family aro preparing to leave tho
city, and Reibe, all alons in a deserted
house, refuses to bo comforted.
A coutryuriu walked iuto the ofijoo of
Lawyer Barns, ono day and began his ap
'Barns, I have come to get ycur advice
in n case I hut is giving me some trouble.'
'Well what is it V
'Suppose now,' said the client, 'that a
man had ono spring of water on his laud,
and his neighbor belo'V should build a dam
across its creek through bcth of their farms,
and it was to back the water up into the
other man's ring ; what ought to he
''Sue him, tue him by all means,' said
the lawyer, who always became excited in
proportion to tho aggravation'of his clients
'You can recover heavy damages, sir, and
the law will make him pay well for it
Just givo me the easq, aud I'll bring tbo
money from him, und if he hasn't a groat
deal of property, it will break him up, sir.'
'But stop, Barns,' cried the terrified ap
plicant for legal advice, 'its I that built the
dam and its neighbor Junes that owni tho
spring, and ho threatens to sue me.'
The keen lawyer hesitated a moment
before he tacked hit ship and kept on.
'Ah ! well, sir, you say you built a dam
across that creek. What Bort of a dam
was it, sir ?'
'It was ajuill dam, sir.'
'A mill dam for grindinggrain, was it ?
'Yes it was just that '
And it is a good neighborhood mill is
'So it is, sir, and you may well say so'
'And all jour neighbor bring their
grain to be ground do they I'
'Yet, sir. all but Joucs '
'Then it is a public convenience, is it
'To be sure it is. I would not have built
it but for that. It is so far superior to any
other mill, sir.'
'And now,' said the old lawyer, 'you tell
me that man Jones is complaining just be
cause the water from your dam happens
to put back into his little spriug. and he is
threatening toaue you. Well, all I havo
to say is to lot him sue you, and he will rue
the day as sure as my name is Darns.'
On a very rainy day, a man entering
his house, was aecostcd by bis wife in tho
following manner :
"Now my dear, wbiloyou aro wet, go
and fetch me a bucket of water."
He obeyed, brought the-water and threw
it all over her, Baying at tho same time :
"Now, my dear, while you are wet, go
und fetob another."
The Deacon and the Wa3p.
A worthy Deacon in a good town in
Maine,was remarkable foi tbo facility with
which ho quoted Scripture on all occasions
Tho divine word was ever at his tongtio's
end, and all the trivial, as well as impor
tant occurranccs of life furnished occasion
of quoting tho languago of the Bible. Wbai
was better, however, the exemplary man
always mado his quotations the standard of
action. Ono hot day, ho was engaged in
mowing, with his hired men, who were
leading off, tho deicon followed with his
dwath coining in apt quotations, when the
man suddently sprang from bis place,
leaving hia swath just in tima to escape a
"What it tbo matter V hurriedly asked
'Pooh 1" said tha deacon, ''the wicked
flee when no man pursucth, but the right
eous aro as bold as a lion 1" and taking
tho workman's swath ho mowed but a Btep
when a swarm of brisk inscots settled
about his cars, and ho wat foroed to re
treat with many a painful sting, and in
"Ah 1" shouted tho other with a chuck
le, "tho prudent man foreseeth tho evil
and hideth himself, but tho simple pasg on
and aro punished "
The good doacou had found his equal in
making applications o( the ssared wTit'tngt
and thereafter was not kuown to qaott
Scripturo in a mowing field.
Letter from Hon. C. L. Valland-
Wr.NDson, 0. W., March 7, 1604.
Mows. Hubbarn and Bros.,Daytcn,Ohio:
Gl'hti.euen I read, several days ago,
tho telegraphic announcement of tha "rid-
dling" of tho Jiinpiic office by "furloughod
soldiers." I offer you no tmypathy, for
that'will avail nothing now or here after.
I do express to you my profound regret
that you were not prepared to inflict on tha
spot, and in the midst of tbo assault, tha
complete puuislnncnt which the assailants
deserved ; but I am gratified to learn that
some of them did soon after rcccivo their
deserts, Rut thoso cowardly acts cannot
always be guarded against. And they, do
not primatity come from tho '"soldiers."
There is, thcrcforo, but one remedy for
past and preventive of futuro injuries ; and
that is, instant, 'summary, aud ample re
prisals upon tho persons and property of
iho men at home, who, by languago and
conduct, arc always inciting to thoso out
rads. No legal nor military punishment
u ever inflicted upon the immediate in
strumous. Retaliation, llictcforo, in tho
or,ly and rightful remedy in theso timca
l.ke thoso, I speak advisedly, and re
commend it in all cases hereafter. It is
of no avail lo announce the falsehood that
"both parties condemn it," after the de
struction lias been consumatcd. The timo
h s gono by fur obedienco without protec
tion. I speak decided language ; but the
continual recurrence of thcs.o outrages
frequently attonded with murder, and al
ways without redress demands it. Thoy
must be stopped, let the consequence' bo
what they may, Reprisals in mob csbqs
aro now the only way loft for a return to
law and order.
C. L. Vallandiquam.
Butter at the Old Price.
Some where iu Connecticut there is a
family by the name of Barstow, who wero
never noted for cleanliness. On the con
trary, the name was proverbial for filth
incas. They were farmers, and Mrs Bar
stowo, was engaged in tho dairy business.
Each week she posted to a village near by
and disposed of her butter to Squire Wal
ker who dealt in country produce and
groceries. Ere long sho learned that sho
did not get half as much for her butter as
her neighbor! wero receiving, and this
aroused her usual quiet temper, and sbo
determined to demand an explanation of
Squire Walker the next timo fsho wont to
market. So tho following week, with her
regular amount of butter, sho presented
herself at the grocer's counter and said.
"Squire Walker, what aro you paying
for butter to day ?"
Ho opened her boxes, and after a care
ful survey of tho contents replied..
"Twelve and a half cents"
"Twelve and a half cents," ehe ropcat
ed. "How is it that you pay Mrs. Per
kins twenty cents a pound, and only allow
uie nenepenee and this you have done
all along I"
"Well," said the squire, coloring up
and hesitating on each word, "the faet is,
Mrs. Barstow, your butter is not so clean
as hors, and I find it hard work to get rid
of it at that prico even, when people know
who mado it."
''If that is all that is required," she re
plied with a confident air, "I vvilTsbow
them that I em make as good butter and
as clean butter as any body."
Mrs. Barstow all czcitod hurried home,
notwithstanding the oppressive heat of tho
afternoon, and seizing the milk strainor,
aud wiping tho prespiration from her face,
exclaimed to her daughter :
"Btitscy Ann, Squire Walker had tha
impudence to tell mo that my butter was
not 03 clean as Nancy Pcrkin's, and now
I mcau to show him that I can mako as
clean buttor as Bhe."
"Du tell ! I think I ehould try mother
replied Betsy Ann, emphatically.
Mrs. Barstow commencod skimming her
milk and cream into her old fashioned
churn. It was all i:i but tbo. last pan,
when mounted upon a stool, was reaching
after that ; but unfortunately, Bhe slipped
and ono of her dirty feet went down into
tho churn until it brought up at the bottom,
scattering it in every direction. Extriaot
ing herself as soon as possible, sho com
mencod scraping tho croain from her limb
and throwing it back into tho churn, and
in a slow deliberate tono to her daugh'or,
who was laughing in a very unbecoming
manner at her parent's mishap, "Well
Betsey Ann, I guess my buttor will havo
o rjo at tha oRpriw onoe mor,"